- 6 months ago
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00:01You said you'd go.
00:03It didn't sound right. I said I might.
00:05I've got to do the accounts tonight.
00:06You don't have to do the accounts tonight.
00:08I do.
00:09Always the same. Whenever I want to go out, you've always got some excuse.
00:12It's not an excuse. It's just that tonight...
00:14It's not just tonight. It's any night I want to go out with any of my friends.
00:17Anyone at all. Any other members of the human race.
00:19Yes. I wouldn't call the sheriff as members of the human race.
00:22I've cooped up in this hotel all day long. You never take me out.
00:26The only bit of life I get is when I get away with some of my friends.
00:29Well, you must get away more often, dear.
00:32They all think you're peculiar. You know that, don't you?
00:35They've all said at one time or another
00:37how on earth did the two of us ever get together.
00:39Black magic, my mother says.
00:42Well, she'd know, wouldn't she?
00:45Her and that cat.
00:47Uh, should I get you the wine list?
00:59Mr. Fossey?
01:01Mr. Oh, please, call me waiter.
01:03Look, I'll go and get a chair and then you can really tuck in.
01:05There's some stuff in the bin you might like. You know, potato peedies, cold rice pudding, that sort of thing.
01:09Not exactly haute cuisine, but it'll certainly help to fill you up.
01:11Ah, so may I introduce the gentleman who's just opened the self-service department here.
01:15Mr. Carnegie.
01:17Mr. Carnegie, the scavenger gourmet from, uh...
01:20The public health department.
01:22Yes, but where were you born, scavenger or down here in the West County?
01:25Public health department?
01:27Oh, here's the invoice for the meat, Mr. Carnegie.
01:30It's the six-monthly check-up.
01:31Oh, yes, the meat was delivered on Wednesday.
01:34Yes, that would appear to be, uh, satisfactory.
01:36Oh, good.
01:37I hope you didn't mind my little joke just now.
01:39Thank God we English can laugh at each other, eh?
01:46So our new chef just, uh, just left.
01:48Just popped out.
01:49Quick prayer, I expect.
01:51Uh, Mr. Fawlty.
01:53Hello.
01:54These premises do not come up to the standard required by this authority.
01:58Unless appropriate steps are taken instantly,
02:00I shall have no alternative but to prosecute or recommend closure
02:03to the appropriate committee of the council.
02:06Specifically, lack of proper cleaning routines,
02:09dirty and greasy filters,
02:11greasy and encrusted deep-fat fryer,
02:13dirty, cracked and stained food preparation surfaces,
02:15dirty, cracked and missing wall and floor tiles,
02:18dirty, marked and stained utensils,
02:20dirty and greasy interior surfaces of the ventilator hood.
02:23Yes, above the deep-fat fryer.
02:25Inadequate temperature control and storage of dangerous foodstuff.
02:28Storage of cooked and raw meat in same trays.
02:30Storage of raw meat above confectionery
02:33with consequent tripping of meat juices onto cream products.
02:36Refrigerator seals loose and cracked.
02:38Icebox undefrosted and refrigerator overstocked.
02:41Yes, say no more.
02:42Food handling routines.
02:45Suspect.
02:46Evidence of smoking in food preparation area.
02:49Dirty and grubby food handling overalls.
02:52Lack of wash hand basin,
02:53which gave us a verbal assurance you'd have installed
02:56on our last visit six months ago
02:58and two dead pigeons in the water tank.
03:03Otherwise, okay?
03:04As I said, I shall refrain from serving a food hygiene notice today,
03:09but I shall return tomorrow.
03:10If the items on this list have not been rectified,
03:13I shall take immediate action.
03:15I have not had time to inspect the bedrooms and common passageways,
03:19but I shall be doing so tomorrow.
03:20Yes, of course.
03:21The only gourmets you'll find scavenging in this kitchen
03:26will be kamikaze ones.
03:29Thought we was in trouble there for a minute.
03:32We are in trouble.
03:34Piece of cake.
03:36Have you read this piece of cake?
03:38Well, they've got to do that, haven't they?
03:39It's part of their job.
03:40Tell me this kitchen is filthy.
03:42Filthy towers, eh?
03:43No, look.
03:44Not all kitchens are filthy, Mr Fawlty.
03:46In fact, the better the kitchen, the filthier it is.
03:48Have you ever read George Orwell's experiences at Maxim's in Paris?
03:52No, do you have a copy?
03:53I'll read it out in court.
03:55Don't just stand there gossiping.
03:57I am not gossiping.
03:58I'm trying to point out to our alleged chef.
04:00Go upstairs and get Manuel and check the bathrooms for soap and paper
04:03and get those pigeons out of the water tank.
04:05Yes, my little commandant.
04:07See how many fire extinguishers are missing?
04:09Come on, Polly, we'll start in here.
04:12Not in here, puss.
04:13Hi!
04:16Give me the face I can't forget
04:18Give me the face I can't forget
04:21Give me the face I can't pay
04:23Give me the face I can't pay
04:24No, I'm sorry. This is an emergency. Important.
04:29See? The health inspector's just been things wrong with hotel.
04:33We put them right by tomorrow, all right?
04:35Now, Manuel, go up to the roof.
04:36The roof?
04:37Yes, sir.
04:38No, no, I haven't told you.
04:39Now, go to the water tank.
04:41Oh, water.
04:42Water tank. Water on roof in tank?
04:44Yes, sir, sir.
04:45Two dead pigeons in tank, take out.
04:49It's not difficult, Manuel. This is not a proposition from Wittgenstein.
04:52Listen.
04:53Two dead pigeons, water tank.
04:59What is funny?
05:00How did they get up there?
05:01How did they get up there?
05:02They flew up there.
05:05That's right, that's right.
05:06Oink, oink, oink!
05:08Stop!
05:09Pigeon!
05:10Pigeon!
05:11Pigeon!
05:12Pigeon!
05:13Pigeon!
05:14Pigeon!
05:15Pigeon!
05:16Like your English.
05:17Pigeon!
05:18Pigeon!
05:19Pigeon!
05:20Pigeon!
05:21Pigeon!
05:22Pigeon!
05:23Ah!
05:24What is that?
05:25It's my hamster.
05:26Pigeon!
05:27Pigeon!
05:28Pigeon!
05:29Pigeon!
05:30Pigeon!
05:31Pigeon!
05:32Pigeon!
05:33Pigeon!
05:34It's a rat!
05:35Pigeon!
05:36It's a rat!
05:37No, no, no, it's hamster!
05:38Well, of course it's a rat!
05:39You have rats in Spain, don't you?
05:40What if Franco had them all shot?
05:43It's hamster!
05:44It's hamster!
05:45It's a rat!
05:46No, I think so too!
05:47What?
05:48I say to man in shop, he's a rat!
05:49He say, no, no, no, it's a special kind of hamster.
05:52It's filigree Siberian hamster.
05:54Only one in shop, he makes special price, only five pound.
05:59Have you ever heard of the bubonic plague, Manuel?
06:01It was very popular here at one time.
06:03A lot of pedigree hamsters came over on ships from Siberia.
06:07What do you do?
06:08I'm sorry, Manuel, this is a rat.
06:09No, no, it's hamster!
06:10It is not hamster.
06:11Hamsters are small and cuddly.
06:13Cuddly, you'd never play the guitar again.
06:15Cuddly!
06:17Where do you go?
06:18Where do you go?
06:19Where do you take him?
06:20I'm sorry, Manuel, he's got to go.
06:21No, no, no.
06:22He might.
06:23He stay with me.
06:24Now look, this is a hotel.
06:25The health inspector comes tomorrow.
06:26If he sees this, I close down.
06:28No warning.
06:29Close down.
06:30Finito.
06:31You out of work.
06:32Back to Barcelona.
06:33He know her.
06:34He in case.
06:35He's safe.
06:36Please, please.
06:37Let me take my hamster.
06:38Oh, please.
06:39Mr. Fauci.
06:40I love him.
06:41I love him.
06:42I will be taken from my room.
06:44Oh, no, no.
06:45Never mind.
06:46It'll be all right.
06:47You will keep it in our room.
06:48Yes, that's right.
06:49We'll keep it in our room, Mr. Fauci.
06:51We'll look after it.
06:52Ah!
06:53Array!
06:54Array!
06:55Array!
06:56Array!
06:57Array!
06:58Array!
06:59Array!
07:00Array!
07:01Array!
07:02Array!
07:03It's all right.
07:04It's only a Siberian hamster.
07:05Or...
07:10Mr. Fauci.
07:11He take my hamster.
07:12What?
07:13Mr. Fauci.
07:14Take my hamster.
07:15He crazy.
07:16He think he's rat.
07:17Manuel.
07:18Mmm.
07:19Prepare yourself for a shock.
07:21Why don't you check?
07:23What?
07:24Well, you mean he had it a whole year
07:24and you've only just found out?
07:26Yes.
07:27Well, supposing the health inspector had seen it?
07:28I know.
07:29He could've closed us down.
07:30Well, what are you going to do with it, Fauci?
07:31going to do with it, Basil? You can't keep it in here. I know. And don't let it loose
07:36in the garden. It'll come back in the house. Can't we get you a mastermind, Sybil? Next
07:39contestant, Sybil 40 from Torquay, special subject, the bleeding obvious. I wasn't going
07:44to let it go in the garden. Well, what are you going to do with it? I don't know. I'll
07:48take it away. Let it go. Give it its freedom. You can't do that, Basil. He wouldn't be able
07:51to defend himself. He's a rat, isn't he? He's domesticated, aren't you? Well, you're
07:57domesticated. You do all right. Look, he's not going to get mugged by a gang of field
08:01mice, is he? Basil, he's Manuel's pet. We have a duty to it. Perhaps we could find a home
08:08for him. All right. I'll put an ad in the papers. I wanted kind home for enormous, savage
08:13rodent. Answers to the name of Sybil. Look, I'll take him out of another country. Let him
08:18go. No. I cannot abide cruelty to living creatures. Well, I'm a creature. You can abide it to me.
08:23You're not living. Look, Manuel, we were just wondering what he ought to do. Mrs. Fawlty,
08:28please understand. If he go, I go. Oh, goodbye. Please, listen. You know, we really can't
08:36keep him here. The health inspector wouldn't like... Mrs. Fawlty, he's here one year.
08:39He do no harm. But, Manuel, listen. If they see your rat, they could close the hotel down.
08:45Perhaps it would be simplest to have him put to S-L-E-E-P. Who? Him or the rat?
08:51Well, why'd I get a discount if we had them both done? S-P-L-E-E-P. Manuel, I wrote
08:57my friend. It's all right. She'll take him. Okay. She has lots of animals and it's not
09:01far from here. You can go and see him whenever you want. So come on, we'll take him over there
09:04now. Okay, forget me. Well, rats are like that, Manuel. Don't get involved with them.
09:08Come on, Manuel. I think it's the best solution, Manuel. Oh, you'll be happy. You'll see.
09:14Sad, isn't it? Well, look at it from the point of view of the rat. What? Well, would you
09:18want to spend the rest of your life with Manuel waiting on you?
09:30Now, we've been through the cupboards. You're doing the walls. Terry the filters. Check the
09:34fridges. Oh. Right. That's done. Now, Sybil, everything done here? Have you put the lid on the
09:44tank, Basil? That's why I've been on the roof the last 40 minutes, dear. Yes. And you took the pigeons out?
09:48No, I left the bin. They're nearly done. Now, the walls. I've checked everything. Terry the
09:53hoods. Have we done the cupboards? It's all been done, Basil. The fridge. Have we got it
09:57all separate? Basil, I told you. It's all been done. Seals on the old fridge. The floor.
10:00I've checked it. Just running over the bleeding, obviously. So, all the ship shape and Bristol
10:05fashion day, all ready for old Snoopy drawers. Is this about that rodent? Just leave him alone,
10:15Basil. He's upset. Well, he's not going to cheer up mooning about like that, is he? Just let
10:19him be. It doesn't help him. You're encouraging it. You know, you've got to get his mind off
10:22it. Well, Manuel, what do you think? Looks good, doesn't it, don't it? All clean and shining
10:27bright, eh? It's so empty without him. Yes, yes. Those walls look good, too, don't they? And the
10:32hoods gleaming like that. Isn't that a marvellous sight? Please leave me alone. I'll get over
10:36it. Yes, yes. You'll get over it. No, no point in letting it get you down. Plenty more fish in the sea, eh?
10:40Don't. What? Don't hit me. Always you hit me. I'm not hitting you. I'm trying to cheer
10:45you up. Let him be, Basil. Look, look, look. Oh, don't look at me with those awful cow eyes.
10:51Look, why, why don't you go to the cinema tonight? Why, why don't you and Polly go to the ice
10:55rink tonight? What, why, why, why don't you cheer up, for Christ's sake? I cannot stand this
11:00awful self-indulgence. Leave him alone, Basil. He's just depressed. Manuel, my wife informs
11:08me that you're depressed. Let me tell you something. Depression is a very bad thing.
11:15It's like a virus. If you don't stamp on it, it spreads throughout the mind, and then one
11:19day you wake up in the morning and you, you can't face life anymore. And then you open
11:23a hotel. I didn't win the war by getting depressed, you know. Manuel. Not so sad. No? No, no, it's
11:32too much. Too much? Much too much. Ah, she's just a little bit sad. Here's the food. Ah, gracias.
11:37Jump to get the water. Ah, telly, telly. Let me have a bit of that. That's filly. Si, si, si,
11:42he'll like it, please. Do you want some burn eyes with it? No, no, no, no, it's costero roll.
11:46Puzzle.
12:12Puzzle.
12:12Thank you, Mr. Evans. Thank you. And here's the picture. What? The picture. The one in
12:25your room. You said you liked it. Oh, Polly. Shh. Polly. Wait. No, I'm sorry. I really
12:30don't. Oh, just a fiver. You can have it on approval. Sorry. It's for my sister's eye
12:36operation. You bastard. Polly. Oh, what? He gone. What? He gone. He escaped. But how did
12:45he get out of the cage? I leave door open so he can exercise in shed. Oh, you dago dodo.
12:51Oh, please. You got it all over your front. Okay. Mucho sallow. What do you do? It's dirty.
12:57No matter. What about Basil? Mr. Fawlty, do you? No, no, no, no. Basil. A star key. Now,
13:03go and clean it. Ah, si, si. Jolly good, Polly. That's the way to snap him out of it.
13:10Hello, Major. There are the papers. That's where I left it. Ah, strike, strike, strike. Why do we bother,
13:16Fawlty? Didn't know you did, Major. Boycott made the sentry. Ah. Stay where you are,
13:33Jack. Don't move.
13:46Tari, give these a rinse, will you? Oh, yes. Well, they're still dirty. Ah, put them in the dishwasher.
13:55Do you need any help, Major? Don't move. Vermin. We haven't got any this week, Major. Hmm? No,
14:25Germans staying this week, Major. We're going to shoot him, Fawlty. Yes, Major. Hmm? Not legal,
14:31actually, anymore. Murder. But are animals, Fawlty. Oh, yes, yes. Still forgive and forget,
14:36eh? Forgive and forget. Well, pretend we do. Eh, but they spread disease, Fawlty. He was sitting
14:41there, on that table, eating them nuts, if you please. He's really gone this time. About
14:47that size. That with the tail. What did you say, what? Vermin. A dirty rat. How long ago? Oh,
15:04about two minutes ago. Stay there, Major. Stay there. If you see him, give me a shower. Will
15:08do. I'm just cleaning behind the fridge, Mr. Fawlty. Basil? Basil? Cheesies? Yes? All right,
15:29um, oh, that's for me, is it? Thank you. Shall I get you some more? There's plenty. He's called
15:36Basil, is he? Don't play dumb with me. I trusted you. You're responsible for this. Oh,
15:41I've got a friend who'll look after him, Mr. Fawlty. Come on. Come on out. Come on. Basil's
15:50here. Have you got him? He's under there. Right, I'll get him.
15:55Cleaning behind the fridge, hmm? Well, you've got a lot on your mind. We didn't want to worry
16:02him. What do you mean? A public health inspector coming after a 24-hour warning and a rat loose
16:06in the hotel? He must have escaped, Mr. Fawlty and come back. Come back? They home. Oh, I see. He's a
16:15homing rat, is he? Oh, yeah. Rats are amazing creatures, Mr. Fawlty. I read about one once.
16:22His owner had gone down to Penzance. Yes, yes, I read about that when the chef got filleted
16:25with his own carving knife. No, honest. Go find him, Mr. Fawlty. Well, if you could. That
16:31would be lovely before they close us down. Super. Well, let's have a little basil hunt, shall
16:35we, and then we'll deal with the sackings later on. I'll do this, sir. I'll do this, Fawlty.
16:39Man, will you check your rules? It's not in the bar, Polly. It was there two minutes ago. I'll do this.
16:44I've done all them.
17:05Oh, Mr. Carnegie, good morning. Hey, good morning, Mrs. Fawlty.
17:18Oh, hello. Nice to see you. Would you like coffee before we adjourn to... No, thank you. If we start
17:25upstairs with the water tanks. Ah, good idea. What? Good thinking about starting upstairs. Sybil,
17:29would you like to show Mr. Carnegie? I was just going to, Basil. Yes, and I'll keep an eye on things
17:33down here. Should I see if I can find something to be getting on with? Oh, my God. What was
17:37that? Bloody television exploding again. That was a gun. Yes, he did sound like it, didn't
17:45he? It was. What is going on here? I'll get him. He'll come back to the nuts, you know. He
17:55was sniffing around here, does thou. I got the... Sorry. Sorry, baby. It wasn't a television
18:00door. It was just this gun. I'll put it out of the locking key straight away. Why was he
18:04firing it in the hotel? Uh, Starling. Shoot him, Starling. In the bar? No, no, through the
18:08window. I'll lock it away. Is it licensed? Oh, yes. Oh, yes. You do realise that under the
18:12Health and Safety Act, it is your responsibility? Oh, yes. I'm terribly sorry. It's never happened
18:16before, Mr. Carnegie. Well, I shall have to notify the police, of course. They will take steps.
18:20Can't kill it. Can't pass out. It's all right. It's all right, man. Is he all right? Yes, he's all right.
18:24Is he not dead? No, no, no. It was just the major letting the gun off. The major tried to kill
18:28Basel. Kill Basel? No, no, not Mr. Foddy. I mean Basel, my little... Ratatouille.
18:34Basel, the little... Ratatouille. The chef calls the Ratatouille Basel because he puts quite
18:40a lot of Basel in it. He put Basel in the Ratatouille? Yes. He's from Barcelona.
18:58You know, typical Latin, really. Would you like to?
19:03Why you do this? I haven't. I haven't.
19:05Police say you put Basel in Ratatouille. I haven't made any bleeding Ratatouille.
19:10Man, where are you? Why you say he put Basel in Ratatouille?
19:13I had to say something. That is the health inspector. Now, will you calm down?
19:16Oh, where is he? Oh, I don't know.
19:17Perhaps he's dead. Oh, he's all right. Give us the veal paw. I've got to get lunch ready.
19:21How do you know he's all right? The major fired his gun. Perhaps he hit. I find him.
19:26Oh, sorry for... Oh, pick him up quickly before he gets in here.
19:30That's it, major. You've got it. Well, you've nearly got it.
19:32The thing is, not a word about rats. You were shooting a starling.
19:35All right? A starling. Yes. Through the window.
19:37Right. But, Foddy, how did the starling get in the bar?
19:41No, no, no. You were in the bar.
19:42I was in the bar? Yes. Which I was?
19:44Yes, and the starling was in the garden, and the rat was nowhere at all.
19:48Well, I didn't see him.
19:51Say goodnight to the folks, Gracie.
19:53All right, Terry, everything under control?
19:55Yeah. Is he still... No, he started upstairs. God knows where that rat is.
19:58Oh, puss.
20:02Come on, please.
20:04Don't you go well.
20:09Oh, I put some...
20:12Terry?
20:13Yeah?
20:14There was a piece of veal down here.
20:15Yeah, got them all up, Mr. Foddy.
20:17What?
20:18We picked them all up.
20:19Got the veals, Terry.
20:20Yeah, we are, Paul.
20:22Terry, listen to me. What do you mean you picked them all up?
20:24Well, Manuel knocked them over. We picked them all up.
20:28Oh, my God. What's the matter?
20:30One of them's got raw poison on it.
20:35Sorry. Sorry. Sorry.
20:37Uh, veal's off. Sorry.
20:39That's veal?
20:39No, no. This is a veal substitute.
20:42Uh, we're giving it a try, and it's a bit of a disappointment, I'm afraid.
20:44In fact, it's no substitute at all.
20:46Polly, would you take the order again, please?
20:49Thank you so much.
20:50I'm sorry about that.
20:51Would you like the, uh, lamb or the place?
20:53Veal substitute.
20:54Well, it's Japanese, actually.
20:57Soya beans and essence of cow.
21:00Uh, seals.
21:02We've moved all the meat into this one, and we've put the confectionery...
21:06A bottle of the Beaujolais, please.
21:09Absolutely.
21:10And the washout basin?
21:11We all did it yesterday. Here's the acknowledgement of the order.
21:15Well, it would appear that this kitchen is now in a satisfactory condition.
21:21I shall be writing to perform the...
21:23Sorry.
21:24Slipped.
21:26...outstanding points, and someone will be dropping in to carry out a future random inspection
21:31to make sure these standards are being maintained.
21:34Mark! Mark!
21:36Uh, it's ten to one. I'd like to take lunch here, if I may.
21:39Oh, certainly, Mr Carnegie.
21:41I couldn't help noticing you had some veal over here.
21:47Veal?
21:48Yes, it's Dutch.
21:50Well, it's not Dutch, actually. It's, uh, Norwegian.
21:52Norwegian?
21:53Yes, not the absolute apex, quite honestly.
21:55Terry, the veal is Dutch, isn't it?
21:57Norwegian, Mrs Fawley.
21:58I've been in this business 20 years. I've never heard of Norwegian veal.
22:03No, but they've only just branched into it, you know. I don't think it's a winner, frankly.
22:06You know, more of a veal substitute. It's got a lot of air pockets in it. That's all the...
22:09The, uh, the lamb is Dutch?
22:10Dutch.
22:10Well, English. I mean, we call it Dutch because it's as good as the veal. It's better, quite honestly.
22:13Well, I prefer the veal.
22:14Yes, how about lobster?
22:16Would you prefer lobster? A couple of lobsters?
22:17Oh, it's frightfully good at the moment. It's not expensive this week.
22:19We've got so much. We're having a bit of a lobster sale at the moment.
22:22Try and shift it all. 75p each, two for a pound. You can't say fairer than that.
22:25It's just the veal.
22:26Well, if you like the veal, perhaps you prefer the chicken.
22:28That's all even. It's the veal.
22:29No, I just, I just thought...
22:30Could that make a phone call?
22:31Yes, of course. Through here.
22:34What's all this about rat poison on a veal?
22:36He's put rat poison on one. They've got mixed up. Nobody knows which is which now.
22:40Well, what happened to the one, the cat ate?
22:41The cat?
22:42Well, that's no good. That might have poison on it too.
22:45Well, where is it?
22:46What?
22:47Where's the cat's slice?
22:49Um, up there.
22:51Right, now.
22:52How's the cat?
22:54How's the cat?
22:55We're about to take the life of a public health inspector, and you want to know how's the cat?
23:00It's going to London to see the Queen.
23:02What are we going to do?
23:03It's all right.
23:04Great.
23:05Hooray! Hooray! The cat lives!
23:07The cat lives!
23:08Long live the cat!
23:09What are we going to do?
23:10Mr Fawlty, if the cat is all right, that means that slice is all right.
23:15Well, how long would it take to work?
23:17That stuff, two minutes. He had this ten minutes ago, at least.
23:20It's a bit chewed there.
23:22I'll give it a trim.
23:26So you're driving over to Babacoon this afternoon?
23:29Yes, well...
23:31What is a plate of veal doing there?
23:35I'll just relieve you of it, shall I?
23:39Do sit down, Mr Carnegie.
23:41He just has, Basil.
23:42On a plate of veal.
23:43Has it put you off?
23:44What?
23:44Has it put you off the veal at all?
23:45Well, I'm not eating that one, if that's what you mean.
23:49Stop! Halt!
23:50Sorry, I think there might be another one there.
23:52Excuse me.
23:53Ah, yes.
23:54Lucky guess.
23:56Well, who's responsible for putting them there?
23:58Manuel, our Spanish waiter.
24:00Hey, go!
24:01Now, would you mind...
24:02Well, does he do it often?
24:07Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no.
24:08It's the first time, but he sometimes looks as though he's going to.
24:10But we always catch him, of course.
24:11Ah, here's your veal, Mr Carnegie.
24:13And one green salad.
24:15Ah, bon.
24:15Good appetite.
24:21Well done, Terry.
24:22Sorry.
24:35Ah, not hot enough.
24:42Ah!
24:42Not big enough.
24:44Sorry.
24:45What?
24:45Not big enough.
24:46Sorry.
24:46Excuse me.
24:47Really, Polly.
24:51What are you doing?
24:55Well, if that's the one, these are okay.
24:57What?
24:57If that's the poison one, these are all right.
25:02Brilliant!
25:03Great!
25:04Right!
25:04Okay!
25:05Basil, what is going on?
25:06That was the poison one.
25:07The cat had it.
25:08The cat?
25:08Oh, poison.
25:10Yes, some, some, that one must be okay.
25:14Basil.
25:15Sorry, just getting you a proper sized one.
25:17It was big enough.
25:18It was all I wanted.
25:19Well, it could have been a bit hotter.
25:20Well, not much, but...
25:21Look, yes, yes, it's just coming.
25:23Won't be a sec.
25:24Ah, Manuel, would you, uh, let's go?
25:27Here.
25:28Um, tablas.
25:29Oh.
25:30What?
25:31Look, he's all right.
25:32Look.
25:32He can't be.
25:33Well, he is.
25:34Here, Paul.
25:35Oh.
25:36He can't be.
25:37What do you mean?
25:37Well, he was vomiting.
25:39Vomiting?
25:42That's just fur balls, Basil.
25:45What?
25:46That's just fur balls.
25:47He does that all the time in the summer.
25:48But, but if he's all right, that one might...
25:52Oh, no, Paul, too, too much.
25:53What?
25:54Too much.
25:54Too much of a good thing.
25:56Always leaves one wanting less, I always find.
25:58Oh.
25:58She's gone now.
25:59Well, we wouldn't want you to think that just because you're one of Her Majesty's civil servants,
26:02we were showing you any excess favoritism.
26:04I'm sure you wouldn't want that.
26:05Oh, so you're the rat inspector.
26:09What?
26:0924, dear.
26:11Starling inspector.
26:12Starling inspector.
26:13No.
26:14Starling inspector.
26:15Starling inspector.
26:16Starling inspector.
26:17Starling inspector.
26:18Starling inspector.
26:19Starling inspector.
26:20Starling inspector.
26:21Starling inspector.
26:22Starling inspector.
26:23Starling inspector.
26:24Starling inspector.
26:25Starling inspector.
26:26Starling inspector.
26:27Starling inspector.
26:28Starling inspector.
26:29Starling inspector.
26:30Starling inspector.
26:31Starling inspector.
26:32Starling inspector.
26:33Starling inspector.
26:34Starling inspector.
26:35Starling inspector.
26:36Starling inspector.
26:37Starling inspector.
26:38Starling inspector.
26:39Starling inspector.
26:40Starling inspector.
26:41Starling inspector.
26:42If the cat's slice is all right, that might be the poison one.
26:48No, no, yes, yes, he's right.
26:49And if the cat's one is all right, we can give him that, can't we?
26:53Right, Waldee, shut up.
26:55But Terry, that's got things on it.
26:57Oh, that's all right, Mrs Forty. What the eye don't see, the chef gets away with.
27:00Mr Forty, what is it?
27:01Table seven.
27:02What?
27:03Basel!
27:06Sorry, it's just coming.
27:07Excuse me.
27:08Of course.
27:09Good afternoon, sir.
27:09Good afternoon, madam.
27:10Look, I was just trying to give an order to your waiter, and he walked away while I was doing it.
27:18Well, he wasn't paying attention at all.
27:23I'm so sorry, what were you saying?
27:26The waiter wasn't listening when I was giving him our order.
27:29He seemed more interested in my fiancé's legs.
27:32Really? May I?
27:33Yes, I don't think so.
27:40In fact, I think there's a bread roll down there.
27:42May I give my order?
27:43Oh, please.
27:44Of course.
27:44We'd like one Windsor soup and one pate, and then I...
27:49So, I'm just going to my shoelace up.
27:51Are you going to take my order?
27:53Uh, yes, Polly, would you take the order?
27:55Yeah, please, on this table.
28:01One Windsor soup.
28:02One pate.
28:03Sir, sir.
28:04What?
28:05There, there.
28:05What do you mean, there, there?
28:06It's all there.
28:07Uh, there, there, there, and there.
28:09All there for your individual.
28:11And one pate?
28:12Emmanuel, would you get the bread roll, please?
28:14No, no, no, no.
28:14Get the box.
28:15We have a box, um, a bread box, for any, uh, bread that has gone past its prime.
28:21And you'd both like the...
28:23The veal.
28:24Oh, uh, the veal's off, I'm afraid.
28:26How can it be?
28:27You've only just started.
28:29Don't shush me.
28:30Well, I'm sorry, but the, the, the, the veal is, in fact, off.
28:32Well, it was never really on, quite honestly.
28:33That's a misprint.
28:34A misprint?
28:35Yes, it should say, um, eel.
28:39Eel as scholar.
28:40Oh, stop it, will you?
28:41Just leave it.
28:42Wait until after the meal.
28:43No, no, we have to get it now, I'm afraid.
28:44Uh, health regulations before it moulds.
28:46Well, I'll get it, sir.
28:48No, no, no, please, please, allow us, please, please, please.
28:50All part of ourselves.
28:51So that's one pate, and one wins a surf.
28:58Here's your veal, Mr. Carnegie.
29:00Sorry for the delay.
29:02He's just been given veal.
29:04Uh, no, no, that's, uh, veal substitute.
29:06Veal substitute?
29:07Yes, it's not very good.
29:08It got rather held up on the boat, on the way over from, um...
29:10Japan.
29:11Norway.
29:11It's, uh, it's a sort of, uh,
29:12Japo-Scandinavian imitation of veal substance.
29:16You know, and I'm afraid that's the last slice anywhere.
29:18We're leaving.
29:19Okay, if you insist.
29:20What?
29:20By all means, be my guest.
29:22I want a taxi.
29:23Polly, would you arrange a taxi, please?
29:24It's in a bag.
29:25Is your veal, um...
29:27In her bag.
29:28In her bag?
29:28What?
29:29Excuse me.
29:32Do you know where you're going to?
29:34Can you recommend a restaurant?
29:37Yes, of course.
29:37What sort of, uh...
29:39Yes, where is somewhere that serves really good veal, Polly?
29:42Somewhere in the...
29:42Veal, yes, of course.
29:44A really good restaurant.
29:45No, wait, wait just a minute,
29:47because I do remember a place
29:48where I had some really good veal once.
29:51Only I just can't think of the name of it.
29:53It was, um...
29:53Oh!
29:55La-dee-da.
29:57Did you see Annie Hall?
30:00La-dee-da.
30:01Annie who?
30:03Oh.
30:04What are you doing?
30:05What?
30:06He had his hand in my bag.
30:08What?
30:08No, I...
30:09You know something.
30:10You're getting my gander up,
30:11you grotty little man.
30:14You're asking for a bunch of fives.
30:16Bombscare.
30:17What?
30:18There's been a bombscare.
30:19A bombscare?
30:20Yes.
30:21Yes, that's why he was searching in your bag.
30:23He didn't want to alarm you.
30:24Yes, ma'am, may I?
30:25Well, I didn't really.
30:25Wait, wait, just one moment.
30:27We had a call, you see.
30:28Well, shouldn't you get everybody out?
30:29Well, that's why we were looking under your table.
30:31We just didn't want to draw attention.
30:40Now, waiter.
30:43Now, waiter.
30:45Un momentito.
30:46Uh, some cheese and biscuits and a coffee, please.
30:55Uh, anything to follow?
31:04I've ordered some cheese and a coffee.
31:06Certainly.
31:07Uh, coffee, please, sir.
31:08Oh, here we are, Mr. Carnegie.
31:11Uh, Polly, would you get the biscuits, please?
31:12Here they are, waiter.
31:14Uh, cheddar, Danish blue, edam.
31:16Uh, a little Danish blue, please.
31:18Uh, cheddar, next.
31:25Edam?
31:26No, thank you.
31:27Biscuits?
31:28What, what, what, would you, would you care for a rat?
31:43Oh.
31:46Just, just the biscuits, then.
31:48Please, Polly.
31:48Black or white?
31:56Hmm?
31:58Black or white?
31:59Black, please.
32:00There we are.
32:03Here are the biscuits.
32:06Green crackers, digestives, right, waiter?
32:08I'm afraid it started to rain again.
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