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00:05G'day folks, it's Kenny Smythe here.
00:07Now I know what you're thinking.
00:08What's your ugly muck doing on me zombie box?
00:11Well, some jokers in TV land reckon I know a thing or two about dunnies.
00:15And when the idea of celebrating the UN year of sanitation popped into the scones,
00:19guess I got a lot with the job of hosting the show.
00:22So come and explore the septic wonders of the world with me.
00:25Welcome to my world, Kenny's world.
00:44A twin small friend for him.
00:50Take up.
00:52Shut it in there, mate.
00:54Now apparently a reporter can just grab a cut lunch, jump on a bus and leave the country.
00:59That's right.
00:59There's visa form thingies to fill out.
01:01The old rip that smile off your dial passport photo to be taken.
01:05Health checks, needle jabs and the pass the apple juice and the bum biggie sample.
01:09It all needs to be handed over for assessment.
01:12Now I've been carting people's business around for most of my adult life.
01:15But I've never had to take my own business for a stroll in a plastic bag before.
01:19Pretty embarrassing stuff.
01:20So the key points to think about are hygiene obviously, security, comfort, mobility.
01:27Splashdown's been asked to put in a tender for a mobile poke pooper.
01:30And I'm stoked because it's the last bit of business before heading OS.
01:33The boss has also asked me to rehire an old hothead Sammy to help out with crew numbers
01:38while I'm away.
01:39Talk about putting Kero on a smouldering fire.
01:42Don't you reckon it should be bulletproof?
01:44What?
01:45Bulletproof.
01:47Well, I guess so.
01:49Well, someone's been shot while on the toilet.
01:51Who's talking to you?
01:52Right.
01:53You're a polka.
01:54Oh, yes.
01:55I'm sure going to miss these crew bonding sessions.
01:58And guys, some other stuff we've been given here is some fabric samples
02:01that they wouldn't mind us using for windows or for...
02:04And I should have guessed that it wasn't just going to be the crew
02:07that were going to take advantage of me being away.
02:09Wait.
02:09Dad, what are you doing?
02:10What does it look like I'm doing?
02:11I'm getting some toilet paper.
02:13While you're poncing all around the world,
02:14what am I supposed to be doing back here?
02:15Wiping my arse with a tea towel?
02:17No, Dad, I said you could grab a couple.
02:19I didn't say you could fill the whole boot.
02:20If Glen says this...
02:21Penny, you'd better get back in, though, Sammy.
02:24Back in the pad already.
02:25Because of you.
02:25Where was your holder?
02:27Oh, yes.
02:28Workplace relations at its finest.
02:30Thank you, thank you.
02:31You know, this toilet tour couldn't have come at a better time.
02:36So, as all systems go,
02:38it's up, up and away, lifting the lid on all things popular.
02:48And the first stop on my expedition?
02:50The land of the rising bum.
02:53Er...
02:53The sun.
02:57Japan.
02:58Home of the robot, sushi,
03:00and the most poo-friendly country in the world.
03:03I've just jumped off at Shibuya Station.
03:07Have a look at the wandering wombat, will you?
03:09Dazed, confused, and in desperate need of a feed.
03:12You know, 20 million people use the Tokyo rail system every day.
03:17And 2.4 million of those come through these very turnstiles.
03:20Holy doly.
03:21How do you get out of it?
03:22Have you ever seen so many people?
03:24It's like Sydney on Viagra.
03:26And this is Shibuya intersection.
03:29One of the busiest intersections in the world.
03:32Shibuya, boy.
03:33It's a doozy.
03:36So why my old mate the sushi cowboy would want to meet me here,
03:39I'll never know.
03:40Of course, that's not his real name.
03:43Takashi's actually an old client of mine.
03:44I once sold him 67 top-of-the-line dunnies with televisions in them.
03:48And we've been closer than a tub full of turtles ever since.
03:51You know, Japan is a grand poo-bar when it comes to the future of sanitation.
03:55Hey, Sush, how are you, mate?
03:57And the sushi cowboy is just a bloke to point me in the right direction.
04:01Wait, are we going to get a chance for a beer?
04:03You can't wait for a stubby, mate.
04:06Always pleasure before business.
04:09You must be starving, right?
04:11I'm always hungry.
04:12That's my thing.
04:14The cowboy's taken me to a Chenko Nabi restaurant.
04:17Wow, look at that.
04:17Which specialises in the unique dietary needs of big blokes in nappies.
04:21Or, more respectively, sumo restaurants.
04:23Now, this is my kind of restaurant.
04:25It's good, mate.
04:26Oh, mate.
04:27Actually, Chenko Nabi, sumo food, is really healthy.
04:31So it's not the matter of quality, it's the matter of quantity.
04:34Quantity.
04:35More is better.
04:36They eat ten times more than this.
04:37And right after that, they go take a nap.
04:40Right, so they always sleep after they eat, and that's why they get so big.
04:43Right, right.
04:44I'd like to become a sumo just for the food.
04:46Yep, a sumo lifestyle would suit me down to the ground.
04:49They live like kings here, but when they fly internationally, there's a downside.
04:52Sumo wrestlers, when they travel by airplane, they cannot go into the toilet because they're
04:58too big.
04:59They get stuck.
05:00Oh, they can't go to the toilet at all, so they've got to hang on the whole time.
05:04That's logically correct.
05:06Hello.
05:07Mental note.
05:08Kenny, if you're at an airport when sumo's are landing, steer clear of the dunnies.
05:17Did you ever do sumo wrestling when you were a kid?
05:19Did you ever try?
05:20Yeah, yeah, yeah.
05:20It was pretty tough.
05:21It was pretty bad.
05:22I could throw big guys like you.
05:25Oh, really?
05:25Well, that sounds like a challenge to me.
05:33Now, I'd be doing my old mate, the sushi cowboy, no favors if I allowed you to see what happened
05:38next.
05:40Oh, boy.
05:44Sushi often tells me that Japan is a country of great contrast, where you can see things
05:48that are crazy, wacky, and downright weird.
05:51But it's also a place of great beauty and tradition, and it's the collision of all these
05:55things that makes it such a special place to visit.
05:59I'll show you something.
05:59Now, I'm excited because the cowboy's taken me to see something I've often heard him
06:03talk about.
06:04The Tenen Chai Restaurant.
06:06And this time, we're not here for the food.
06:08Okay, tough guy.
06:09Just gong this thing.
06:10Bam!
06:12Don't tear at me!
06:14He does.
06:15Oh, Jesus.
06:16Oh, God!
06:17The toilets here have been specially designed to quite literally scare the bum buggies out
06:22of you.
06:22I bet you'll love it.
06:23First stop, ladies' toilet.
06:25Have a look.
06:25Oh, you're kidding.
06:27We're not.
06:27What am I waiting for?
06:29You've got me worried now.
06:33Oh, hang on a minute.
06:38Now, if you've got a cantankerous grandmother with a crook ticket, and you're ever in Japan,
06:42send her in.
06:43This'll do the job.
06:44We'll give her the kiss of death, I'll tell you.
06:48Well, mate, I think that might do its job very well because that is an absolute
06:52pressure.
06:53Now, one thing I know in my profession is men can't aim.
06:56And why you'd want to make it any harder, I'll never understand.
06:59A swinging toilet?
07:01No.
07:01What is this?
07:04That thing wasn't taking photos of me, was it?
07:07No, it's a joke.
07:08Oh, no!
07:09That's insane.
07:11Yeah, we'll come again.
07:12Don't worry about it.
07:15Did you know the average person visits the toilet around 2,500 times a year?
07:24Sadly, for now I had to say my goodbyes to the sushi cattle.
07:28For the time being, this turkey was flying solo.
07:40Japanese children's cartoons are famous worldwide.
07:44But here's one little gem they've kept for themselves.
07:51And let me tell you, little Pans Pankuro here isn't too shy of studying the facts when
07:56it comes to poo.
07:57Everybody Poo's was an international bestseller by Japan's Taro Gomi.
08:02And when my boy was a little ankle biter, he couldn't get enough of it.
08:05Hey mate!
08:05Hi Dave!
08:06But now he's the teacher and I'm the student.
08:08He set me up with one of those interwebs thingies and he's been doing some research for me.
08:12I'll just send you a link.
08:13He's uncovered some pretty funny stuff, like this little poo bomb game where you have to
08:17run around trying to shoot a low flying bum before it hits on the scum of the mud biscuit.
08:26But Jess and my favourite was this TV prank show.
08:29And I think you'll agree, it's pretty special.
08:31On this particular TV show, the unsuspecting Dunny patron discovers that it's not just the
08:37toilet lid that gets lifted.
08:43Pounce down, toilet up is not standard port-a-loop procedure, let me tell you.
08:50You've got to wonder whether the Japanese have actually invented lawyers yet.
08:54I can't imagine them getting away with this in any other country.
09:02But my personal favourite?
09:04Watch this bloke as he goes bum voyage.
09:21These poor buggers have probably not been to a toilet since.
09:24And can you blame them?
09:29You know, the Japanese word for poo is very similar to their word for good luck.
09:34Have a look at this, will you?
09:35This is known as golden poo.
09:37Believe it or not, in Japan this is made to actually bring you financial success,
09:43good luck most importantly, and also bring you happiness.
09:47That's what it says here.
09:49Having these around you all day, do they bring you luck?
09:55Golden poo first surfaced in Japan around the late 1990s when the country was going through a recession.
10:01The makers wanted to create something that was inexpensive that would put a smile on people's dials.
10:05And these little 24 karat coated porcelain lucky poo charms do just that I reckon.
10:11How do you go sir?
10:12Actually when the crew weren't looking I brought up a dozen of them.
10:15I need all the luck I can guess.
10:17I'm on the way to the TMG police headquarters to do a bit of detective work of my own.
10:22It seems there's been a phantom money giver who's been dropping cash off in toilets throughout Tokyo,
10:27including the toilet in this very building.
10:29Is there a problem here or do we know what's...
10:31Sadly my dirty money search was misinterpreted and I was promptly escorted out of the toilet
10:35and marched off to a very different kind of cubicle.
10:37So we're waiting for someone to actually know what's going on.
10:40The authorities must have spotted me on their security peekaboo system
10:43and it didn't take long before I copped a grilling.
10:48Thank God for the sushi cowboy who called in an interpreter to get me out of this mess.
10:57That's alright?
10:57That's okay, yeah that's alright.
10:58Oh we're good?
10:59Yeah.
10:59Oh we're good?
11:00That's fantastic.
11:01I don't know.
11:02A bit of Hawaii Five-O there for a minute.
11:04Luckily we sorted the confusion out and we were given full access to the story.
11:08They even brought in the officer who first discovered the money.
11:10How are you going?
11:11Kenny.
11:12Mr... something or other... something or other.
11:14I'm sorry I was so nervous I've forgotten his name.
11:17Somebody who's still yet to be discovered is leaving packages of money with notes in them in public toilets.
11:23Is that right?
11:26Yes, in fact it was discovered in multiple locations all over Japan.
11:31The boys went on to tell us they suspect the person in question may actually be terminally ill.
11:36As the handwriting is slowly getting worse over time.
11:40So how much all up do they think that the person has given away?
11:44It's 2.8 million yen.
11:462.8 million yen from one person.
11:50We're going into the toilets now where the money was first found with the first note.
11:56There were ten letters and ten envelopes and the whole thing again was wrapped in a piece of rice paper.
12:03It actually said one per person.
12:05What a shame to think this lovely gesture is being carried out by someone that could be dying.
12:09But it might explain the kinds of comments left with the cash.
12:13Comments like don't think of evil or do good, please be happy and please make use of this money for
12:19your self enrichment.
12:20It all sounds like parting advice if you ask me.
12:23A nationwide hunt has been mounted but so far they've not turned up any decent or concrete leads.
12:28And this is I think the best story I've ever heard of something that happens in a toilet.
12:35It was pretty clear to me by now that I was going to need a translator.
12:39So the next day I invited Hiromi along for her lunch and along for the rest of the ride.
12:43In here?
12:44I know that very well.
12:45We used to call it dim sim blood when we were kids.
12:47I don't know if they used to call it that either.
12:49And luckily I didn't scare her off with my bad eating habits.
12:52Boy did I give those fish a floggin'.
13:10Wish me luck, egg round turn two, egg's taking the lead.
13:13Oh they're all in the race at 24.
13:15I'm going to grab it.
13:17I think we won.
13:19That was good.
13:24A little bit too much I think.
13:27One thing I've noticed in Japan is everyone is so friendly.
13:31When I came in I thought I'd been here before.
13:33They all said hello and they were waving.
13:35I guess you know it's kind of a very crowded land so we all have to get along really.
13:38Oh yeah.
13:40Yeah.
13:42No worries.
13:46You know being a plumber my mates always send me photos of toilets.
13:49But when you accidentally become a famous plumber, every bloody person sends you photos.
13:54Have a look at this lot will ya?
13:55Good honour.
13:57Next up, I meet the god of toilets.
14:04Believe it or not, international diplomacy has not always taken place in the great halls and chambers of world politics.
14:10Many years back during one of the Asian summits, the Chinese and Japanese diplomats broke a logjam by holding unofficial
14:17talks in the men's dunny.
14:19Now historically relations between these two countries have been a touch frosty to say the least.
14:24And so it was with some surprise that Chinese foreign minister Li Shao Zing and Japan's Taro Oso found themselves
14:32face to face in the men's run.
14:34But as luck would have it, the awkward moment turned out to be an icebreaker.
14:39And the two talked turkey in the toilet for a good 20 minutes or so.
14:44And you'll be pleased to note, the two countries started official talks soon thereafter.
14:50In Japan, a lot of women flush the dunny while actually using it because of their fear of being heard.
14:57And of course the water usage is through the roof.
14:59Enter the sound princess.
15:02It's a box that plays a recording of a flush so that no one can hear your pee.
15:06I get one myself but I don't have one that sounds like Niagara Falls.
15:09Men, however, don't seem to suffer the same problem of humiliation.
15:13They're more than willing to dispense with their apple juice right next to the very dispenser where they bought it.
15:18Having said that, even though they're out in the open, like we're on the street, you can see them, you
15:21don't see any of the scary stuff.
15:23You know, one of the first things you notice when you're lobbing Japan is the mix of traditional Asian squat
15:28toilets versus the more Western-style dunnies.
15:31Now, apparently the Western loos didn't appear here until after the Second World War.
15:35Now, I'm not sure if they brought them in just to accommodate tourists or not, but they're becoming more and
15:40more common.
15:41Which is interesting considering traditionally the Asians got it right.
15:44You see, squatting on a crapper is more healthy than sitting.
15:48Squatting keeps your rectum straight and in line with the excess, and sitting forces us to strain.
15:53And God knows there's no joy in that.
15:55So, to squat or not to squat? That is the question.
15:59The answer? I'll let you be the judge.
16:09We're here in Iju, which is about 120km east of Tokyo, and we're on our way to, how do I
16:16pronounce it properly again?
16:18Myotokushi. Myotokushi.
16:19Myotokushi, which is a temple which is actually dedicated to the lower part of the body.
16:23In fact, it's a toilet temple. I kid you not.
16:27Sadly, Japan has a high rate of lower bowel cancer, so I'm not surprised the lower half ranks high in
16:32their prayers.
16:33This is apparently linked to the westernization of the Japanese diet from the 1950s through to the 1990s.
16:39But the temple has been around a lot longer than that.
16:42It was made in 1393, this temple, so it's 600 years old.
16:46Wow.
16:48Mr. Nakajima-san explained the toilet god they'd come to visit, Usha Samamuri, actually started out as the god of
16:54fire back in India.
16:56When Buddhism travelled from India to China, he became the god of the toilet.
17:02There's no wonder he's the god of fire, because we had some of their courage, and it had a bit
17:05of an effect on me, I can tell you.
17:10And this is where they come to worship.
17:13Yep, and that's your penis.
17:15Yeah, so what this is, is the representation of the penis.
17:19And what's it called?
17:20Dan Kong.
17:21Dan Kong?
17:22Yeah.
17:22That's King Kong's Dan Kong, by the look of it.
17:25Literally, it means male root.
17:27Right, yeah.
17:28And it's actually a toilet.
17:33Oh, right, so that is, of course it is, it's an old toilet.
17:36So, you stand either side, now there's money in there, people dropping some, I was going to say, if not
17:40someone's had a very rich diet,
17:41because there's a lot of coins in here, and you do literally stroke the Dan Kong, will you?
17:47Musasuri.
17:48And that stands for?
17:49Honourable Stroking.
17:50Honourable Stroking.
17:51I think it's called something else in Australia, but there you go.
17:55Now, if honourable stroking is going to help purify my lower half, then by jingos, I'm going to give it
18:01a whirl.
18:01Only problem is, once you start the honourable stroking, it's hard to know when to stop.
18:07Did you know the average fart travels at three metres per second?
18:11Not sure what you'll do with that information, but there it is.
18:17You know, it's easy to get the chuckles when visiting the toilet temple, but Mr Nagajima-san is okay with
18:22that.
18:23As much as the people that come here, they definitely have some serious things to pray for.
18:26It does seem that a lot of people, we heard giggling before, some people have a good sense of humour
18:30as well.
18:34What we hope here at this temple is that, you know, people gain a lot of laughter and energy.
18:40Yeah.
18:41And, yeah, that's the beginning of health. You know, that's the basis of health.
18:45A bit of happiness.
18:46Yeah, and laughter.
18:49Actually, people here can pray to three gods.
18:52There's the god of toilets for everything below your dateline.
18:55There's the goddess of mercy and the god of good fortune.
18:58As far as gods go, I think they've got it pretty much covered.
19:04And this gentleman, who is Japan's answer to Mickey Rooney, is one happy chappy who seems to know the secret
19:10to good living.
19:11It's not so much the religion. It's a matter of what you hold in your heart that actually will affect
19:15your health.
19:16It's a pity I didn't get to pray at this temple earlier because if I'd have prayed to the god
19:20of good fortune, my ex-wife might not have taken off with all my money.
19:28You'll find somebody. You'll find a nice lady.
19:33Thank you very much.
19:38These are called Emma, and people buy these and put their wishes on them.
19:42Here's one, probably from a mum, saying that I hope the bed wetting stops.
19:48Thank you. We got our wish. We have a beautiful baby.
19:52Oh, fantastic. Isn't that gross?
19:54And here's another one from a little boy, and he says, I hope I don't get poo in my pants.
20:00Ha, ha, ha, ha.
20:02Now poo in your Dax may cease if you purchase a pair of these.
20:06Blessed underwear.
20:08Don't reach for your remote. You heard right. Blessed underwear.
20:11The idea is that people who buy them actually, you know, have them wear them.
20:16Right.
20:17And, you know, accrue the blessings that way.
20:19And they were selling like hot pants. Uh, that's the hot case.
20:31Thank you for a great day, thank you, and for putting a big smile on my face, what a
20:36lovely man.
20:37He's got a smile to the last five generations I think.
20:45You know it seemed like all the local shops had gotten into the act as well, trying to
20:49spruik up some old tourist buckaroonies.
20:53But things got even stranger once I stepped inside.
20:57That's a giant, I don't know if I can say vagina, but that's what it is, it's a giant
21:01vagina.
21:02Turns out Toby here is a chemist who insisted I try one of his weird and wonderful potions.
21:07It's from like a, you know, poisonous snake, but it's that whole thing about, you know,
21:12poison for poison.
21:13Yes, yes indeed.
21:14Sadly they'd already handed me the poison and not wanting to offend it was bottoms up.
21:19Oh boy.
21:19In five minutes, if there's anywhere that's not good with your body, you'll feel heat
21:24there.
21:25I've just eaten a poisonous snake crushed into a powder, and apparently in five minutes'
21:29time, so I don't know if I'm going to be alive.
21:31This could be my last words.
21:33Wherever there's something not right in my body, I'm about to feel a burning sensation.
21:37Thank you very much.
21:40So crushed up poisonous steak, and as best as I can guess, it's Satan's testicles ground
21:45into a rice.
21:46Oh, here we go.
21:47Here we go.
21:48Fantastic.
21:49A burning sensation.
21:51This is fire.
21:53Dunk Kong gone wrong.
22:00Well folks, that's it for now, but I hope you can join me on the next Kenny's World episode,
22:04where we go deeper into Japan to plumb the curiosities and wonders of all things popular.
22:10This is, uh, this is potty land.
22:12Well, pissy land.
22:16So, take care, be good to yourselves, and hey, give a stranger a smile, eh?
22:20Good on yous.
22:26I'm gonna head off now and go on.
22:28I'm off.
22:32Shum, you'll never see me.
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