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00:00Oh, it's a lovely part of the world, isn't it?
00:04All those beautiful trees and fields and variety of birds.
00:10Yes, that's true.
00:11And you can just go there and get away from it all,
00:14away from the hell to skelter of modern life,
00:17because we all do need our solitude, don't we?
00:21Yes, we do.
00:23I mean, nowadays it's not easy to find the time to,
00:26I don't know, enjoy life,
00:28because there's always things to do.
00:30It's all so hectic, isn't it?
00:31All of us just rushing around, letting things get on top of us.
00:35And quite honestly, what's the point?
00:38Have you finished?
00:39Um, yes.
00:41My wife...
00:42I think those prawns might be a bit off.
00:44Oh, I don't think so.
00:45Well, they do taste rather funny.
00:46Well, no-one else has complained.
00:48Well, I really do think they're off.
00:50But you've eaten half of them.
00:51Well, I didn't notice at the start.
00:53You didn't notice at the start?
00:55No, but it was a sauce. I wasn't sure.
00:57So you ate half to make sure?
00:58Well, my wife thinks they're off.
01:00Well, what am I...
01:01Do you want another first course?
01:02No, thank you.
01:03Are you sure?
01:03No, really. I'll just have the mains.
01:05Well, well, well, cancelled.
01:06Cancelled? Oh, deducted from the bill.
01:08Is that what you mean?
01:09As it's inedible.
01:10Well, only half of it's inedible, apparently.
01:12Well, deduct half now.
01:14And if my wife brings the other half up during the night,
01:16we'll claim the balance in the morning.
01:18Now we'd like our lab, please.
01:20Well, three, we know, have passed on this year,
01:23all in their early 60s.
01:25So I've cut out butter and...
01:30I don't know.
01:31Oh, no, really.
01:33It's all right.
01:34But it's all brussel.
01:36No, no, no, honestly.
01:38Oh, there's a nice bit, see?
01:41Oh, Doris, it's off.
01:43Oh, no, dear.
01:44It's not as bad as that.
01:45I've had worse.
01:47I don't know how they get away with it.
01:49Everything all right?
01:50Oh, yes, thank you.
01:53Everything to your satisfaction?
01:54Oh, yes, thank you.
01:56Why don't you say something?
01:59Well, there's no point, is that we just won't come here again.
02:01Then I'll say something.
02:02Look, it won't do any good.
02:03We're leaving tomorrow.
02:04Well, I'm going to.
02:06I mean, we've been sitting here waiting for nearly half an hour,
02:08and it's...
02:10Oh.
02:11What's this?
02:12See?
02:13Look, I ordered the cold meat salad
02:14and I've been waiting about half an hour for it.
02:16Salad?
02:17Yes.
02:17You want change?
02:19No, no, no, I don't want to change.
02:20Okay.
02:21No, no, no, where are you going?
02:22I don't want this.
02:24You say you no want change?
02:26I want the salad.
02:31Go on.
02:31Oh, excuse me.
02:32Yes?
02:33Look, we've been waiting here for about half an hour now.
02:35I mean, I gave the waiter our order.
02:37Oh, him, he's hopeless, isn't he?
02:39Yeah, well, I don't wish to complain,
02:40but when he does bring something, he's got it wrong.
02:43Well, you think I don't know?
02:44I mean, you only have to eat here.
02:45We have to live with it.
02:46I had to pay his fare all the way from Barcelona,
02:49but you can't get the staff, you see.
02:50It's a nightmare.
02:52You were supposed to be complaining to him.
02:56You're so bad.
02:58Oh, that's nice.
02:59Oh, that's nice.
03:01Mmm.
03:03Mmm.
03:07You're so bad.
03:08Oh, dear.
03:09Sorry about that.
03:11Thank you so much.
03:30Enjoy your meal.
03:33No, no, no, no, they're coming, they're coming.
03:43Excuse me.
03:46There's sugar in the salt cellar.
03:48Anything else?
03:51I've put it all over the place.
03:53All over the place?
03:53What were you doing with it?
03:55All over the place.
03:58Polly, would you ask Terry not to finish yet?
04:00We need another one of these.
04:01There is sugar on it.
04:03What a sweet place.
04:04What?
04:05I'll have it replaced.
04:06Well, why is there sugar in this salt cellar?
04:07What do you think we'd pay you for?
04:08My staying power.
04:10Valer.
04:11Yes, yes, I'm getting them.
04:12I'm getting them.
04:13Oh, excuse me.
04:17Yes?
04:17I'm sorry, but do you think we could cancel our fruit salads?
04:21Well, it's a little tricky.
04:23Chef's just opened the tin.
04:24Oh.
04:25I'm sure it'll be very nice.
04:29There we are.
04:30Oh, thank you.
04:31Oh, yes, I do like really beautiful places.
04:35Busy this evening, isn't it?
04:37I'll tell you one of my favourites.
04:39I said it's busy this evening.
04:40I'm talking to Mr. Libs and Basil.
04:42Good, well, that's a help.
04:43I'm sure you can cope.
04:44Oh, yes, I can cope, dear.
04:46Coping's easy.
04:46Not puree-ing your loved ones.
04:48That's the difficult part.
04:50Did you know Biddyford Bridge has all different sides of it?
04:52Yes, there's somewhat of reception, dear.
04:54Should I get it?
04:54Yes.
04:55It's my turn, is it?
04:56Fine.
04:56Yes.
04:57Oh, yes, so it is.
04:58Yes, funny, it's been my turn for 15 years.
05:00Still, when I'm dead, it'll be your turn, dear.
05:02You'll be it.
05:04Excuse me.
05:05There are two lambs here.
05:07I'll have them removed if they're bothering you.
05:10Yes.
05:12Good evening.
05:13Are those ours?
05:16Not yet.
05:17Good evening.
05:18I reserved a room by telephone this morning.
05:21Mr. and Mrs. Hamilton?
05:22Indeed, yes, I remember it well.
05:24Ah, excellent.
05:25Hamilton, yes.
05:26That's right.
05:27Well, may I welcome you to Fawlty Towers?
05:29I, uh, I trust your stay will be an enjoyable and a gracious one.
05:33Could we have those now?
05:34Oh, by all means.
05:35Finished with them, have you?
05:38Absolutely.
05:39Bon appétit.
05:40I recommend the self-service here.
05:46It's excellent.
05:47Oh, thank you.
05:47What?
05:48Your lambs will be getting cold, Mr. Johnston.
05:51Colder?
05:52If you'd like them warmed up?
05:53I'll get it.
05:55You could get your wife to sit on them.
05:56I'm so sorry for the rubbish we get in here.
06:01Now, um, if you'd be so very kind as to fill that form out, Mr. and Mrs. Hamilton.
06:07Ah, yes.
06:07Now, we put you in room 12, which has a charming panoramic view overlooking the lawn.
06:12Oh, what a driver.
06:17Everything on the wrong side of the road, the weather.
06:20What do you get for living in a climate like this?
06:22Green stamps, it's terrible.
06:24Sorry about this.
06:26Took five hours from London.
06:27Couldn't find the freeway.
06:28Had to take a little backstreet called the M5.
06:31Well, I'm sorry if it wasn't wide enough for you.
06:33A lot of the English cars have steering wheels.
06:37They do, do they?
06:39You wouldn't think there was room for them inside.
06:41See what I mean?
06:43What?
06:44Rubbish.
06:46May I introduce my husband?
06:52All the rubbish we get in here.
06:54Look at that.
06:56More rubbish, dear.
06:57What?
06:58More of that bloody rubbish.
07:00Marley and Manuel are going, Basil.
07:02Yes, just eating with Mr. and Mrs. Hamilton, dear.
07:04Good evening.
07:05Good evening.
07:06Manuel!
07:07Manuel will bring your bags to your rooms.
07:08I hope you enjoy your stay and...
07:11Do we need to reserve a table for dinner?
07:13Dinner?
07:13Yes.
07:15Problem?
07:16Well, it is after nine.
07:17So?
07:18Well, we do actually stop serving at nine.
07:20Nine.
07:21Well, look, if you could go straight in, I'm sure...
07:22It's just here for five hours to get here.
07:23We like to freshen up, maybe have a drink first, you know.
07:26Yes.
07:27You couldn't do that afterwards?
07:28Do what?
07:29Well, uh...
07:29You mean have our drink before dinner, after dinner, freshen up and go to bed?
07:32Well, if you could, it would make things easier for us.
07:34Shall we go to bed now?
07:35Would that make it easier for you?
07:37We're a little tired fellow.
07:38We want to sit up and relax.
07:40We'll be down a few minutes.
07:41Yes, but the chef does actually stop at nine.
07:43Nine.
07:44Nine.
07:46Hmm.
07:47So why does your chef stop at nine, huh?
07:50You got something terminal?
07:52No, no, but that's when he, in fact, stops.
07:56Now, look, we drove from London to stay here, right?
07:59Are you telling me that you can't stay open a few minutes longer so that we can eat properly?
08:03What, we can do with sandwiches?
08:04Ham?
08:05Cheese?
08:05We want something hot.
08:06Toasted sandwiches?
08:07It's okay.
08:08Not really.
08:09Can you believe this?
08:11What the hell's wrong with this country?
08:12You can't get a drink after three, you can't eat after nine.
08:14Is the war still on?
08:15No, no, no, but it's the staff, you see.
08:17Oh, this staff.
08:17We have to get the staff.
08:18How much?
08:19What?
08:19How much of this Mickey Mouse money do you want to keep the chef on for half an hour?
08:23One, two, three, twenty pounds, huh?
08:25Is that enough?
08:29I'll see what I can do.
08:33Excuse me.
08:34Pardon.
08:34Pardon.
08:34Excuse me, please.
08:35Please.
08:36This way.
08:37This way.
08:37This way, please.
08:38This way, please.
08:45Gosh, that does look absolutely marvelous, doesn't it?
08:51Oh, um, Terry, I almost forgot.
08:53Some guests have just arrived right at the last moment, as usual.
08:56Typical.
08:56I'm sorry, but this puts us out just as much as it puts you out.
08:59Don't put me out, Mr. Fawley.
09:01No, but they want some dinner, you see, and they insist first on scraping off some of the
09:04filth that somehow got Kate to them, cruising down the M5.
09:06Well, I've got my class tonight, Mr. Fawley.
09:08But Terry, just ride-o, Paul.
09:10No, no, wait, wait, I mean, do you know what I'm saying?
09:12I mean, I will make it up to you, you know, out of my own pocket.
09:14It's not the money, Mr. Fawley.
09:16My karate means a lot to me.
09:17Well, half an hour's overtime and a taxi.
09:20Mr. Fawley, if I miss a week, next week I don't get out in one piece.
09:24An hour's overtime?
09:25Sorry, Mr. Fawley.
09:26What am I going to say to you all?
09:29Two hours.
09:30What?
09:30Two hours overtime?
09:32I thought you said it wasn't the money.
09:34It ain't, but I can't think what you're going to say to your guests.
09:36Look, Terry, I'd pay you two hours overtime if I could afford it.
09:40Sorry, Mr. Fawley.
09:42An hour and a half.
09:44Cash?
09:45Cash.
09:45All right, hour and a half, but I go at half past nine, then I still get some of me class, right?
09:49What, and I do the washing up?
09:50Well, you know how it is, Mr. Fawley.
09:51Yes, I know how it is.
09:52I pay you for an hour and a half.
09:53You clear off after half an hour.
09:54That's how it is.
09:55That's socialism.
09:56Oh, no, that's the free market.
09:58Come on, Terry.
10:00Mustn't keep the lady waiting.
10:01The lady?
10:02It is from Fenland, Mr. Fawley, and very pretty.
10:04Tall, blot.
10:05This Finnish floozy is your karate teacher, is she?
10:13Well, it's the sort of karate, isn't it?
10:15Right, give me that.
10:16What?
10:17I pay you overtime to miss a class, not to keep some bit of crumpet hanging around.
10:20Yeah, but you...
10:20No, it's all right.
10:21I'm doing the washing up.
10:21I'll do the cooking, too.
10:23You go off and enjoy yourself.
10:24Don't you worry about me.
10:24You go and have a good time.
10:25I'll be all right.
10:27Go and have a bit of fun with a pin.
10:29Come on, Manuel.
10:30Where are you?
10:35Holly, where are...
10:37Hey, wait for me!
10:38Wait for me!
10:39Espele!
10:39Espele!
10:40Espele!
10:48Give your food care to sit over there.
10:52Good evening.
10:53Good evening.
10:55Is your room to your liking?
10:57Yes, it's very nice.
10:58Very nice, thank you.
10:59Oh, good.
11:00I'll just get you tonight's menu.
11:02Oh, um, would you care for a drink before your meal?
11:05A scotch and water and a screwdriver, please.
11:09Um, and for you, madam?
11:12The screwdriver's for me.
11:15I see.
11:16Um, would you like it now or after your meal?
11:19For now, please.
11:20There's nothing I can put right?
11:21What?
11:22Absolutely, sir.
11:23It's one scotch and a screwdriver.
11:24I think I'll join you.
11:25Make that two screwdrivers, would you?
11:28You'd like a screwdriver as well?
11:29You'd like it.
11:31Fine.
11:31So it's one scotch and you each need a screwdriver.
11:34No, no, no, no.
11:35Forget the scotch, two screwdrivers.
11:37I understand.
11:38And you'll leave the drinks.
11:39What?
11:40Nothing to drink.
11:40What do you mean, nothing to drink?
11:42Well, you can't drink your screwdrivers, can you?
11:43What else would you suggest that we do with them?
11:47Vodka and orange juice.
11:49Ah, certainly better.
11:50Make that two and forget about the screwdrivers.
11:52You sure?
11:53You can manage without them.
11:54As you wish.
11:56Relax in the carefree atmosphere of old English charm.
12:00When you are there...
12:01I hope we're not intruding on your dinner hour.
12:06Oh, not at all, no.
12:09You're American.
12:11That's right.
12:12Where are you from?
12:14California.
12:15How lovely.
12:16You're English, though.
12:17Yes, but I've been over there ten years now.
12:20Ten years.
12:21Do you ever get homesick?
12:22Oh, yes, but I love it there.
12:24The climate's so wonderful.
12:26You can swim and sunbathe
12:28and then, after lunch,
12:29drive up into the mountains and ski.
12:31How wonderful.
12:32I like England and the English people,
12:34but I sure couldn't take this climate.
12:37Harry finds it too gloomy.
12:39Oh, I don't find it too gloomy, do you, Isabel?
12:41Yes, I do, Basil.
12:42Oh, yes, my wife finds it too gloomy.
12:43I find it rather bracing.
12:44What do you find bracing, Basil?
12:46The damp, the drizzle, the fog?
12:47Well, it's not always like this, dear.
12:48It changes.
12:49My husband's like the climate.
12:50He changes.
12:51This morning, he went on for two hours
12:52about the bloody weather.
12:53Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
12:54It has been unusually damp this week, in fact,
12:58but normally we're rather spoiled down here
13:00on the English Riviera.
13:01Mr and Mrs Hamilton were telling me about California.
13:04You can swim in the morning
13:05and then in the afternoon
13:06you can drive up into the mountains and ski.
13:09Must be rather tiring.
13:11Well, one has a choice.
13:13Yes, well, I don't think it would suit me.
13:14I'd rather like it down here.
13:15It's very mild all the year round.
13:16We have palm trees here in Torquay, you know.
13:18Do you have palm trees in California?
13:20Burt Lancaster had one, they say,
13:22but I don't believe him.
13:23What the hell is that?
13:29Vodka and orange juice.
13:31Orange juice.
13:31I'm afraid it's not fresh.
13:33Isn't it?
13:34No.
13:35We've just opened the bottle.
13:36Look, fresh means it comes out of an orange,
13:38not out of a bottle.
13:38Ah, you'd like freshly squeezed orange juice.
13:40As opposed to freshly on-strewed orange juice, yes.
13:43Leave it to me.
13:43I mean, I'll get chef onto it straight away.
13:45Sorry about that.
13:47A lot of English people are used to the flavour of the bottle.
13:49Oh, it's all right.
13:50It's just that back home,
13:51fresh orange juice comes like running water.
13:54Does it really?
13:56Of course, it's so good for your skin, isn't it?
13:58I'd love to go to California someday.
14:01Looks so exciting.
14:02Oh, never love a stranger.
14:04Do you like it?
14:05Oh, I love all Harold Robbins.
14:06I've read this one three times.
14:08The Pirates is his best, I think.
14:10I read them when Harry's away.
14:11I just don't seem to have the time when he's home.
14:13Who needs Harold Robbins when you've got the real thing?
14:19How long have you been married, Mrs. Forty?
14:21Oh, since 1485.
14:23There we are.
14:24Fresh orange juice.
14:27But seriously, though, his men are all so interesting.
14:31Ruthless and sexy and powerful.
14:33Who's this, then, dear?
14:34Proust E.M. Forster?
14:36Harold Robbins.
14:37Oh, yes, of course, yes.
14:38My wife likes Harold Robbins.
14:40After a hard day slaving under the hairdryer,
14:42she needs to unwind with a few aimless thrills.
14:47Have you ever read any?
14:49Oh, really is the most awful American,
14:52well, not American,
14:53transatlantic tripe,
14:55sort of pornographic muzak.
14:57Still keeps my wife off the streets.
14:59We both thank them.
15:03Oh, Robbins.
15:05What?
15:05Harold Robbins.
15:07Oh, I thought you meant that awful man.
15:08What's his name?
15:09Harold Robinson.
15:10Have you read any Harold Robinson?
15:12Oh, painful.
15:14How about Waldorf salad?
15:16Was that one?
15:16Yes, absolutely right.
15:17Oh, that was a salad, wasn't it?
15:20Could you make me a Waldorf salad?
15:23Oh, a Waldorf salad.
15:26Well, I think we're just out of Waldorf.
15:32I don't believe this.
15:33It's not very well known here, Harry.
15:35Yes, may I recommend tonight...
15:37Now, look, I'm sure your chef knows how to fix me a Waldorf salad, huh?
15:40Well, I wouldn't be too sure.
15:41Well, he's a chef, isn't he?
15:42Yes, yes.
15:43You wouldn't prefer...
15:44Well, find out, will you?
15:44Just go out there and see if he knows how to fix me a Waldorf salad.
15:47Of course, yes.
15:52He's not absolutely positive.
15:53He's almost got it.
15:54It's lettuce and tomato, walnut...
15:56No, no, no, it's celery, apples, walnuts, grapes.
15:59In a mayonnaise sauce.
16:00Right.
16:01Incidentally, he did ask me to say that he does especially recommend the patty tonight.
16:05I don't want patty.
16:06Or the grapefruit?
16:07Grapefruit.
16:07The grapefruit.
16:08How's it done?
16:09Well, it's halved with a cherry in the centre.
16:13Look, I haven't paid you £20 to have some guy cut a grapefruit in half and stick a cherry
16:18in the centre.
16:19Exactly.
16:19I want a Waldorf salad.
16:20Absolutely.
16:21One Waldorf salad.
16:22And a green salad for me.
16:23And one green salad, yes.
16:25And if we can't manage the Waldorf salad...
16:27I want a Waldorf salad and to follow a couple of filet mignons.
16:30Steak.
16:31Steak.
16:31Steak.
16:31Not rare.
16:32Not out of a bottle.
16:33Not out of a bottle.
16:34Right.
16:35Would you care to see the wine list?
16:38May I ask, did you say you'd paid £20?
16:42Yes, but it's not the money.
16:44My wife and I, we wanted dinner and...
16:46This can't be right.
16:47There's no reason Chef couldn't stay.
16:49I'm awfully sorry.
16:50He's forgotten already.
16:51Walnuts, cheese...
16:53No!
16:54No cheese.
16:55It's celery, apples, walnuts, grapes.
16:58Right.
16:58In mayonnaise.
16:59Right.
16:59Now, come on!
17:04Uh...
17:05Would you excuse me one moment?
17:07Uh, excuse me.
17:09A bottle of Volnay, please.
17:10Of course.
17:15What's this about £20, Babel?
17:17There's no celery.
17:18Would you believe it?
17:18I'll find the celery.
17:19What about the £20?
17:20He gave me £20 to keep the kitchens open and Chef wouldn't say...
17:23I mean, where does he put things?
17:24If you just look...
17:25I have looked.
17:26There's no celery.
17:26There's no grapes.
17:27Walnuts.
17:28That's a laugh.
17:29He's here to find a packet of sliced hippopotamus and suitcase sauce.
17:32Now, we've got apples.
17:35Oh, terrific.
17:36We'll celebrate.
17:36We'll have an apple party.
17:37Everybody brings his own apple and stuffs it on somebody's throat.
17:40That's it.
17:41That's it.
17:41I will find everything.
17:43Just go and get a bottle of Volnay.
17:44What is a Walnut that's gone off?
17:47It's the hotel, Basil.
17:49The Waldorf Hotel in New York.
17:51Wait.
17:54Basil.
17:57Everything all right?
17:59Yes, thank you.
18:00Never been better.
18:01Oh, good.
18:02By the way, I wonder, have you by any chance ever tried a Ritz salad?
18:07Ritz salad?
18:08Yes, it's a traditional old English thing.
18:10It's apples, grapefruit and potatoes in a mayonnaise sauce.
18:13No, I don't think I ever tried that.
18:14Ah.
18:15Don't think I ever will either.
18:17Yeah, well, that's probably pretty sound.
18:18Well, look, about this Waldorf salad of yours.
18:21Yes?
18:22You're having a bit of a tater-tater with Chef, and the point is, we're all right on the apples.
18:26Absolutely no problem with them at all.
18:28Now, on the celery front, well, perhaps I should explain.
18:31We normally get our celery delivered on a Wednesday, along with our cabbages, onions, walnuts, grapes, that sort of thing.
18:38But this week, the driver...
18:39Mr Fawlty.
18:39Yes, he was putting the crate into the van.
18:41I'm not in.
18:42And he sort of slipped forward, and the van door caught his arm like that, and he may have fractured it.
18:45You don't have it.
18:46They did the x-rays, and we'll know tomorrow whether they're going to have to operate.
18:49And to cut a long story short, we don't have any.
18:52But, um...
18:53Still makes you think how lucky you are, doesn't it?
18:57I mean, here we all are, with all our limbs functioning, and quite frankly,
19:00if you've got your health, what else, Matt?
19:03What a bunch of crap.
19:06Oh, do you think so?
19:07I always feel like...
19:08What the hell's going on here?
19:09It says hotel outside.
19:10Now, is this a hotel or isn't it?
19:13Well, within reason.
19:13You know something, fella?
19:15If this was back in the States, I wouldn't board my dog here.
19:18Fussy, is he?
19:19Poodle?
19:20Poodle.
19:23I'm not getting through to you, am I?
19:26You know, I stay in hotels all over the world.
19:29And this is the first time I've had to bribe a chef to cook me a meal,
19:32and then find out he doesn't even have the basic goddamn ingredients.
19:35Holy cow, can't you see what a crummy dump this is?
19:38You listen to this, are you, Terry?
19:39I'm talking to you!
19:40It's all right, Terry, you can get out of here!
19:41Shut up, will you?
19:42And listen to me!
19:43Can't you see this ain't good enough?
19:44Yes, I see what you mean.
19:45And then you give me some half-assed story about some delivery guy busting his arm.
19:49Now, look, Fawlty, if your chef couldn't find the ingredients from that guy,
19:52why didn't he get it from somebody else, huh?
19:54Exactly.
19:55Yeah, it's hopeless.
19:55What?
19:56It's hopeless.
19:57Completely hopeless.
19:57Right.
19:58You're the manager, aren't you?
20:00You're responsible.
20:01So what do you got to do about it, huh?
20:03I'll have a little bit of half a word.
20:04Man, you've got to tell him, lay it on the line.
20:08Lay it on the line?
20:09Tell him if he doesn't get on the ball, you're going to bust his ass.
20:12Bust his?
20:13I'll tell him.
20:13No, no, no, no, I'll tell him, leave it to me, I've got it, I've got it, I've got it, I've got it, I've got it.
20:20Bust his ass!
20:22All that!
20:25And our two green salads.
20:26Here we are.
20:34One green salad and one Mordor salad.
20:38But, but, I, I thought that...
20:39Yes?
20:41Oh, would you excuse me one moment?
20:42No, it's not good enough.
20:44You hear me?
20:45It's not good enough.
20:46Here, Mr. Coventry, here's your job.
20:48That's a bunch of ass, that's what that is.
20:50It's fine.
20:51Why can't you make a Waldorf salad?
20:52A Waldorf salad.
20:53Well, first thing tomorrow, you get the ingredients from a Waldorf salad, or I'm going to break your bottle.
21:00Oh, no, you don't.
21:01No, I mean it.
21:02I mean it.
21:03Everything all right?
21:05Yes, thank you.
21:06You're sure there's nothing...
21:07No, no, it's very good.
21:08Oh, good.
21:10Oh, um, you're a chef.
21:13Yes?
21:14Has he been with you long?
21:15About six months, he used to work at Dorchester.
21:18At the Dorchester?
21:19No, in Dorchester, about 40 miles away.
21:21Here we are.
21:23Two green salads.
21:25Basil.
21:26Mr.
21:27Mr. Hamilton has his Waldorf salad, dear.
21:30No, dear.
21:30Chef couldn't make it.
21:31He didn't have the ingredients.
21:32I just smashed his backside about it.
21:36But there it is.
21:39What?
21:41There's the Waldorf salad.
21:43Chef found the ingredients.
21:45Why?
21:45Well, if he found the ingredients, why didn't he tell me?
21:49Wouldn't it have been struck dumb when somebody tore his tongue out in the last two minutes?
21:54Maybe Roberts' arm got better.
21:57I'm sorry about this.
21:59It's all right.
21:59No, it isn't.
22:00It doesn't matter.
22:01Well, it matters to me.
22:02Not to me.
22:03I got my Waldorf salad.
22:03Yes, excuse me.
22:04For God's sake!
22:06Chef, would you want it?
22:07I'm so sorry.
22:09I'll just get it back for you.
22:11Sorry?
22:12I'll give you sorry.
22:13Get off your knees.
22:14That's all right.
22:14No, I haven't finished with Chef yet, civil.
22:16I mean, why didn't you tell me?
22:17Why didn't you tell me you found them, you stupid cow?
22:21Hey, Chef.
22:22Hey, Chef.
22:22No, I haven't finished.
22:23I haven't finished.
22:23You've been having enough.
22:24Ooh.
22:28Sorry about that little confusion.
22:31Chef hasn't been with us very long.
22:32We've just reorganized the kitchen.
22:37Oh, you haven't got your wine yet.
22:39Basil!
22:40Won't be a moment.
22:41Basil!
22:44Yes, Mr. and Mrs. Hamilton haven't got their wine yet.
22:48Fine.
22:49Oh, fine.
22:49And Basil, has Chef put the steaks on yet?
22:53No, I'll tell you.
22:54Right.
22:56Is your husband all right?
22:58Oh, yes.
22:59He's just had rather a long day.
23:01There's just the two of you here, right?
23:02We haven't had a proper holiday for eight years.
23:05Eight years?
23:06Yes.
23:06I have to get away occasionally just for a few hours, even if it's just down to the hairdresser
23:12or a round of golf or a bridge evening with some of the girls.
23:16Drive in the country sometimes, just on my own.
23:20Pop down to Cornwall for the day.
23:22Sometimes it's beautiful there.
23:25You'll go there, sir.
23:27Yes, you must visit Cornwall while you're here.
23:30Incidentally, I've been talking to Chef and we've sorted out what happened.
23:33Apparently, he thought that he'd already got two orders for Waldorf salad, you see.
23:40And in fact, he had the ingredients, but until he made one, he didn't realize that he didn't
23:45have enough for the second one.
23:47Look, don't let it bother you.
23:48No, anyway, this will explain everything.
23:52What's that?
23:53A letter.
23:54A letter?
23:54A letter from the chef.
23:55It explained everything.
23:56A letter from the chef.
23:57Yes.
23:58He wanted to apologize personally, but I didn't want him wasting your time, so I thought...
24:01Look, just forget about it, will you?
24:03Well, I'll read it for you.
24:04I want my...
24:04Oh, wait, be a moment.
24:06Dear Mr. and Mrs. Hamilton, I hope you are well.
24:09This is just a brief note to say that I take full responsibility for the dreadful mess-ups
24:13tonight.
24:14If I'd only listened to Mr. Fawlty, none of this fiasco would have occurred.
24:18I'd just like to tell you that such a cock-up has never occurred in my career before, and
24:22that now everything has been sorted out, I'll be back to my very best form.
24:26Signed to...
24:34What are you doing?
24:37What are you being your founties?
24:39What are you doing?
24:40I've had just about enough of this.
24:42What about it?
24:42Harry.
24:42How could you forget about it?
24:44What must make me another Waldorf salad?
24:46Make me another Waldorf salad?
24:49What are you making another Waldorf salad for?
24:52I'll get worse, I'm worried.
24:53I'm only a little girl.
24:54What do you think, Mr. and Mrs. Hamilton, I'm on a mistake with a...
24:57Mr. Hamilton, may I introduce Terry here?
25:09Where did he go?
25:11Where's he gone?
25:12Did you see him?
25:13Maybe he went to get something to eat.
25:17Come on, honey.
25:18What is it, Harry?
25:19Well, even.
25:19Oh, what's happened?
25:20I'll tell you later.
25:23Yes, sir.
25:24You're staying ready in a moment, Mrs. Hamilton.
25:25He must have heard you coming, you know, and panicked.
25:28And run out into the yard.
25:30You know, after all the problems, we've...
25:33How big a butterball do you take me for?
25:42But...
25:42Do you think I don't know what's been going on out there?
25:44Oh, bit of a debacle, I'm afraid.
25:46I'm talking about you taking 20 pounds off me to keep the chef on,
25:49letting him go, cooking the meal yourself,
25:50and then pretending he's still out there.
25:53Oh, that?
25:53Yes, that.
25:54And I'd be interested to know what you've got to say about it.
25:56Good evening.
25:57I asked you a question.
25:57Yes, well, I'm sorry that your meal has not been fully satisfactory this evening.
26:01Ha!
26:02Well, I'm suggesting you that this place is the crummiest, shoddiest,
26:07worst-run hotel in the whole of Western Europe.
26:10No!
26:10No, I won't have that.
26:14There's a place at Eastbourne.
26:18And that you are the British tourist board's answer to Donald Duck.
26:22Now, look, I know things have gone wrong this evening,
26:24but you must remember that we have had thousands of satisfied cussets...
26:27All right, let's ask them, eh?
26:29What?
26:29Let's ask them.
26:31Are you all satisfied?
26:33You, are you satisfied?
26:34Major, are you satisfied?
26:35I mean, you've been here seven years, are you satisfied?
26:37Oh, I love it here.
26:38Ladies, are you satisfied?
26:39Oh, yes, thank you, Mr. Forty, yes.
26:42And thank you for asking.
26:43Not at all.
26:43Mr. Arrow, are you satisfied?
26:44Oh, well, yes, I, uh, Mrs. Gert.
26:46Are you?
26:46Oh, very nice, sir, yes.
26:47You see, satisfied customers.
26:49Of course, if this little hotel is not to your taste,
26:52then you are free to say so.
26:52That is your privilege.
26:53And I shall, of course, refund your money.
26:55I know how important it is to you Americans.
26:57But you must remember that here in Britain,
26:59there are things that we value more.
27:01Things that perhaps in America you've rather forgotten about,
27:04but which to we British are far, far more important.
27:07I'm not satisfied.
27:08Then many, but...
27:09What?
27:10I'm not satisfied.
27:11No, we're not satisfied.
27:13Well, people like you never are, are you?
27:15What?
27:17There's nothing I can do with please a pair like you,
27:19short of putting straw in the rooms.
27:21I think you're the rudest man I've ever met.
27:23I haven't started yet.
27:25You know what I'm going to?
27:26You're going to stand here nice and quiet
27:28while these people say whether or not they're satisfied
27:30and you move off that spot, Fawlty,
27:32and I'm going to flush your ass.
27:36Everything's bottomed, isn't it?
27:37Yes, sir.
27:38I think this is probably the worst hotel we've ever stayed in.
27:41Yes, it is.
27:42The service here is an absolute disgrace.
27:44I agree.
27:45You do?
27:45Yes.
27:46Do you know that we had to wait nearly half an hour
27:48for our main course,
27:49and when it arrived, it was wrong.
27:51And when I complained,
27:51he completely fobbed me off with some rubbish around...
27:53My prawns were off,
27:55and when I told him, there was an argument.
27:57And her meat was awfully poor.
27:59And I asked you to fix my radiator three times,
28:01and nothing's been done.
28:03Satisfied customers, huh?
28:04Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
28:07I don't.
28:14This is typical.
28:21Absolutely typical.
28:22The kind of arse
28:27I had to put up with from you people.
28:30You punts in here
28:32expecting to be
28:33weighted on hand and foot
28:34while I'm trying to run a hotel here.
28:37Have you any idea
28:38of how much there is to do?
28:39Do you ever think of that?
28:40Of course not.
28:41You're too busy
28:42sticking your noses into every corner,
28:45poking about for things to complain about, aren't you?
28:48Well, let me tell you something.
28:50This is exactly how Nazi Germany started.
28:53A lot layabouts
28:55with nothing better to do
28:56than to cause trouble.
28:58Well, I've had 15 years
28:59of pandering to the likes of you,
29:02and I've had enough.
29:03I've had it.
29:04Come on, pack your bags
29:05and get out.
29:06They're packed.
29:07Order 10 taxis, will you?
29:08I'll pay for them.
29:09Come on, come on.
29:10What?
29:10Out, everybody out.
29:12Come on upstairs, pack your bags.
29:14Adios, out.
29:15But it's raining.
29:16Well, you should have thought of that before,
29:18shouldn't you?
29:18Too late now.
29:19Come on out.
29:20Rouse, rouse, rouse.
29:24What are you doing?
29:26Well, let me explain,
29:27my little workhorse.
29:28Um, the guests and I
29:30have been having a bit of an old chinwag,
29:31and the upshot of it all is
29:33they're off.
29:35Off?
29:35Well, let me put it this way, dear.
29:36Either they go, or I go.
29:38Right, right, come on back, everybody.
29:41My wife's had a better idea.
29:42Come on back.
29:43I'm going instead.
29:44Well, goodbye, dear.
29:45It's been an interesting 15 years,
29:47but all good things must come to an end.
29:48I hope you enjoy your new work here,
29:50helping to run a hotel.
29:52Goodbye, major.
29:52Goodbye, ladies.
29:53Give my regards to Polly and Manuel.
29:54Bye, dear.
29:55You've forgotten your keys, Basil.
29:57So I have, dear.
29:58Yes, oh, and goodbye to the rest of you.
29:59I hope you enjoy your stay here.
30:01Don't forget any complaints.
30:02Don't hesitate to tell my wife.
30:04Any hour of the day or night,
30:05just shout.
30:06Bye.
30:06Bye.
30:07Bye.
30:27Ten minutes, that'll be fine.
30:28Oh, dear, I'm back.
30:37What do you want, Basil?
30:39A room, please.
30:40Number 12 is for you, I think.
30:42Now, I'd like breakfast in bed
30:43at half past 10 in the morning, please.
30:44That's eggs, bacon, sausage, and tomato
30:46with a Waldorf salad.
30:48I'll wash it up with lashings of hot sauce.