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00:01What can I say, Lennox? Paula Radcliffe just offered me more of a good time if the result went her way.
00:09Tony Blair says that Britain will provide full air cover for the American invasion of Iraq,
00:14utilising planes capable of leaving the ground beneath them totally devastated.
00:18Concord.
00:20Well, if the tail fin doesn't get them, the other bits falling off will.
00:30The End
00:42Dead ringers.
00:44People of Britain, this is your Prime Minister. Embarrassed forehead, fake Rolex, dodgy wife.
00:50I know a lot of you would be thinking that I'd be furious with Sharif or getting mixed up with a conman like Peter Foster.
00:55You naturally assume I'd be angry with Sharif for ruining our good name. But I'm not.
01:00No. Because my name is not Tony Blair.
01:04No. My name is Enrico the Condor Martínez.
01:08You didn't think all that third wave rubbish was real, did you? And don't think it's the first time I've done this.
01:13In the mid-80s, I was president of Bolivia for seven years before I was Rumble, but that is not going to happen here.
01:18I've got Peter Fingers Mandelson in a jet waiting at a secluded airfield to spirit me away with £20 billion of Gordon Brown's loans and my new Page Three model girlfriend.
01:27All I have to do is find another bunch of suckers gullible enough to make me their leader.
01:31USA. Perfect. Shifty eyes, swarthy face, offshore bank account. See you later, suckers.
01:38Don't believe the press, you know what I mean? What happened in Munich was self-defence, wasn't it?
01:43I was just sat there doing no harm to nobody. When this nutter comes up to us with a big sharp metal object in his hand, God knows what damage he could have done with it, you know what I mean?
01:50So naturally, I decked him. He'll think twice before giving me a merge on sedental treatment, won't he?
01:57Anyway, I like him like this. You can fit more fags in, you know what I mean?
02:01We are the cheeky girls, we are the cheeky girls. Touch my bum, this is life.
02:06More on that story later.
02:10There has been a shock reaction to a foul-mouthed outburst by Charlotte Church at a concert in Cincinnati.
02:16To discuss this, I'm joined by geriatric shag-maniac Mick Jagger.
02:21All right, Kirsty. Mick, can you believe Charlotte Church actually saying,
02:27F*** off, I don't do meet and greet to a wheelchair-bound fan?
02:31Well, no, I think the thing is, I think she was well out of order.
02:36Because I think Keith Richards deserves a lot more respect than that.
02:39But surely 16-year-old Charlotte is now old enough to know better, actually. She is old enough to be your girlfriend.
02:50Well, no, that's quite true. But actually, no, it's not Charlotte's fault. You see, as soon as she started getting successful in the music business, she would have been sent to swearing school.
02:58And this, presumably, is common practice.
03:03Oh, yeah. Yeah, we all get sent there. It's the only way we can be sure of getting some street cred.
03:08And, of course, Charlotte Church did train with the master.
03:11All right, Charlotte. Now, you might have the voice of an angel, but you ain't gonna get nowhere in this business unless you've got the mouth of a f***ing trucker.
03:26Now, it's to your own good, pay attention. I am f***ing. You are f***ed. They are f***ed. He, she or it is f***ed. They're all f***ing f***ed.
03:42Now, what's the collective noun for a load of f***ers? A f***ing bunch of f***ing f***ies, that's what. Now, have you done your homework?
03:50No, I haven't done my homework. It's not I haven't done it. It's I haven't f***ing done my pissing homework.
03:58And don't try giving me some f***ing excuse to the dog edit, because I had the f***ing dog.
04:04And stay there until you've finished it. Do I f***ing have to?
04:09By Jove, I think she's got it.
04:14Oh, hello there. Hello.
04:16And thank you for joining one on Her Majesty the Queen's QVC value shopping challenge.
04:23We have an extraordinary array of gifts, exclusively available to members of the royal household,
04:30because we can't be arsed paying them proper wages.
04:33They can be yours on a nod and a wink, because we royals get more free gifts than I've insulted foreigners.
04:38First is this beautiful, diamond-encrusted, antique tiara.
04:44Now, Philip, I believe this is one of yours.
04:47Yes, that's right, Liz. It was given to me by an Arab.
04:51So, as you can imagine, I've no desire to keep the bloody thing whatsoever.
04:54Now, in the shops, this would set you back £20,000.
04:59But you can have it for the bargain price of sod-all.
05:04Provided you're one of those peasants who cleans our toilets, brushes Charles' teeth, or satisfies Edward's every demand.
05:11The tiara is elegantly presented in this carrier bag. Like so.
05:18And, Liz, that makes it perfect for carting around to a society jewellers,
05:24so you can flog the tiara for more dosh than Harry spends on hashish.
05:29Join us after the break for more exciting offers.
05:34Like this. A fully self-collapsing trial.
05:37This new Windsor model allows a £2 million court case to fold to virtually nothing in seconds.
05:46What a bargain. Cheap as chips.
05:49Starting in a few minutes here on ITV, it's the News at Ten with Trevor MacDonald.
05:54Warning. May contain news.
05:57G'day. Welcome to Animal Hospital.
06:00And I've got a brand-new pathologist who's joined me on the show.
06:02So, Professor Ryan, what can you tell from looking at this little fella?
06:07Well, Rolf, what we have here is a man, 44 years of age, who lived in Hull, supported Bristol Rovers,
06:15once had a brief affair with the secretary, and drove a red Ford Capri with a silver stripe.
06:20Erm, it's a cute little hamster with a bit of a dicky tummy.
06:23You're wrong, Ryan.
06:24Wrong. Oh, no, I'm never wrong.
06:27I'm Professor Sam Ryan.
06:29Gandhi with a medical degree.
06:31Look at the smile.
06:33The glimmering smile that reveals the truth within.
06:35Stone the dingoes, Ryan. The thing's a gerbil.
06:38Talk to the smile because the face isn't listening.
06:41And I can also deduce that my air of moral superiority is so annoying
06:45that any minute now I'm going to be hit over the head
06:48by an elderly, bearded Australian man brandishing a wobble board
06:52who did a shameful cover of Stairway to Heaven
06:55and who once had an extra leg.
06:57Diddle-iddle-iddle-um.
07:00What a turn-up, viewers. Seems she was right.
07:03Look at me glimmering smile.
07:04Good evening, my fellow citizens of the United States of Amoeba.
07:11Together with my White House staff,
07:13we have been studifying Saddam Hussein's 11,000-page dossier
07:17for some 24 hours now.
07:19This is what we've made of it so far.
07:23Saddam claims that we are just looking for any excuse
07:26to attack his country.
07:28My generals have assured me that that is a completely erogenous statement.
07:31The conditions for a war being avoided are simple.
07:34First, Iraq must comply fully with the UN resolution
07:38and declarify all their weapons of mass destruction.
07:41Second, the Iraqi parliament must be dissolved
07:44and the running of the country be handed over to Rachel from France.
07:48Third, Ramadan must be cancelled
07:51and replaced with the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade.
07:54Furthermore, every mosque in Baghdad must be converted into a Starbucks
07:58and all Iraqi women must start wearing burqars
08:02and instead adopt as their national dress
08:05an itsy-bitsy, teeny-weeny, yellow polka-dot bikini.
08:11Dear Reginald, I must confess, brother, that of late I find myself rather taken with Mr. Parsi.
08:17My dear Jane, I must urge caution on your behalf.
08:22He has a reputation as something of a cad in polite society.
08:26Parsi has a roguish eye for many an eligible young lady.
08:31Surely not!
08:32I tell you he is a complete blaggard.
08:35Ah, here he comes.
08:37Hello, darling Jane!
08:39Yes, it is I, Ian McKellen!
08:41A.K.A. Villainous Cad, Mr. Parsi.
08:44Don't speak too soon, McKellen!
08:48Not you again, Rickman!
08:50This deliciously over-the-top villain's role is mine!
08:53Never!
08:55If anybody's gonna deflower that virgin
08:58in an implausibly melodramatic 19th-century manner,
09:02it'll be me.
09:03But everybody knows
09:05I'm far more moustache-twirling and cruel than you are.
09:10Yes, but I'm more stiff-necked than you
09:12and I do a great set of arched eyebrows.
09:16McKellen, I'll get your Regency supervillain a role.
09:20Not if my miniature cannon has anything to do with it.
09:24That puny thing is no match for my Regency bazookoid blaster.
09:41Oh, no! In their rampant desire to humiliate me,
09:44they've killed each other!
09:46Where am I going to find another rakish villain
09:47to break my heart at such short notice?
09:50Hello! I'm Brian Blissett!
09:54Sod of fatty.
09:57I'm warning you, Cobber,
09:58if you win the Boxing Day Test match,
09:59you'll find it's just as easy starting a bushfire in Melbourne
10:02as it is in Sydney.
10:05Notorious con-man Tony Blair, a.k.a. Enrico the Condor Martinez,
10:10has fled the country leaving a trail of innocent voters
10:12who he's swindled.
10:14Yeah, played me for a right mug.
10:15You promised what I'd be getting was a top-of-the-range,
10:17wire-edge Cabinet Minister.
10:19But instead, I ended up with this.
10:21Well, in regards to, and furthermore,
10:23and if I could just be allowed to return to my first point,
10:26I think I've had my say,
10:28so if you'll let me have yours as well and whereas,
10:30and in so far as in so much,
10:32and I think you'll find in so much that so far is so much,
10:36and so much is so far then.
10:38That's when the voters realised they'd been fobbed off
10:40with a cut-and-shut politician.
10:42John Prescott was, in fact, just the back-end of Dennis Healey,
10:45crudely welded onto the front-end of a 1973 Morris Hillman.
10:49But this man fared even worse
10:51as he fell for Blair's smooth-talking patter.
10:54Yes, I was completely taken in by the quote.
10:57I mean, I handed over 20,000 in good faith
11:00for this timeshare scheme he was flogging
11:02for a Downing Street property.
11:04Of course, I should have known it was too good to be true,
11:07but how am I going to explain to the wife
11:09that I'm not now going to be Prime Minister
11:11for two weeks next June after all?
11:17Come, my young apprentice.
11:19Remember, these used car salesmen can be very wily.
11:23They're best keep our wits about us.
11:25Ah. How are we doing?
11:27I sensed you.
11:28I mean, how much is this ship?
11:30This one is 12,799.
11:34Do I need passage to Aldershot?
11:36So I hope it could get me there.
11:40Do you think it could get me to Aldershot?
11:41Oh, there and further.
11:43You know, it'd be one thing, yeah.
11:45Quite a reasonable size, but if you're looking,
11:47they could take big cases,
11:49if you have big cases or anything to do.
11:51It's a fine cargo hold.
11:53Plenty of room for me,
11:55my apprentice,
11:56two druids,
11:58and no questions asked.
12:00And for the CD as well?
12:02A long time ago, I had a Ford Galaxy,
12:04far, far away.
12:06Right at that you can see a metric speedometer.
12:10Metric.
12:11No imperial entanglements.
12:13So a ship of this type,
12:15how fast may it go?
12:17120 miles an hour.
12:18Could that?
12:19Which is quite fast,
12:20because to be honest with you,
12:21you're not meant to do them speeds anyway.
12:22No.
12:23But could it outrun imperial vessels?
12:27Quite a few.
12:28Quite a few.
12:29Quite a few.
12:30You know.
12:31What about the handling on a ship of this type?
12:33The road holding is great.
12:35It's a very good handling.
12:37Very.
12:38Could it resist a tractor beam?
12:40Possible.
12:41I'm not quite sure on that dance.
12:42I said all the features that we do have on a,
12:44on a vehicle,
12:45as you like to see a ship of this sea.
12:47You know,
12:48we like to indicate what they do.
12:50This light metallic colour is,
12:52uh,
12:53very pleasant too, isn't it?
12:54Like that, yeah?
12:55Yeah.
12:56Yes, I do.
12:58Yes.
12:59The colour of my last car was,
13:01uh,
13:02a little on the dark side.
13:05Can I spread the cost?
13:07Yeah.
13:08Um,
13:09what sort of period you'd like to,
13:10be able to arrange that?
13:12We can arrange that,
13:13it's no problem.
13:14I'll give you 2,000 now.
13:15Mm-hmm.
13:16And 15,000 when we get to Aldershot.
13:21You've been very helpful.
13:22That's all I can.
13:23Very helpful indeed, my friend.
13:25I foresee you will become a great master one day.
13:32I sent it to my young apprentice.
13:35We meet again, old man.
13:36The circle is now complete.
13:38You cannot win, Darth.
13:40If you strike me down,
13:42you will lose your no-claims bonus.
13:51Your bakery products are weak, old man.
13:55Luke!
14:03No.
14:04No, I don't think I can do this.
14:06Okay, cut there.
14:07Um, look, Saddam,
14:08we've talked about this, haven't we?
14:09I mean, apologising to Kuwait didn't work,
14:11releasing the dossier didn't work.
14:13I mean,
14:14it's your last chance to stop the war
14:15and soften up your image with the West.
14:17Okay.
14:18Okay.
14:19Are you sure this is going to work?
14:20Trust me.
14:21It will be great.
14:24Okay.
14:25From the top.
14:26I'll never forget the very special moment
14:31when my grandfather sat me on his knee
14:34and gave him my first Werther's original.
14:39Well, now I'm the grandfather
14:41with a special little boy of my own.
14:45And, uh...
14:46Are you smiling at me?
14:47Do you want my Werther's?
14:49I'll give you my fist!
14:53Werther's originals.
14:55I like them much more than anthrax.
14:58This is the diary of Captain Scott.
15:00The date is March 27th, 1912.
15:03You're caught in a terrible blizzard
15:04and our fuel and supplies are desperately low.
15:07Someone must be sacrificed.
15:10Come upon a way of deciding,
15:11a brutal method, but necessary.
15:13Why, right, Captain!
15:18So, Polar Exploration Party,
15:20you've banked a feeble two powdered eggs
15:23and half a Kendall mint cake.
15:26Who's dragging you back?
15:29Who's gone south in more ways than one?
15:32Who's the biggest iceberg on the continent?
15:36It's time to vote on the weakest explorer.
15:39Scott of the Antarctic.
15:44You voted for Captain Oates. Why?
15:47I don't think he can make it.
15:49Well, you've hardly covered yourself in glory, have you?
15:52You said you'd make it to the poll first,
15:54but Amundsen beat you by...?
15:57A month.
15:58Hardly a photo finish, was it?
16:00We had a number of technical problems, but...
16:02Oh, save it for the penguins, Beardy.
16:05Captain Oates, my unanimous vote.
16:09You are the weakest explorer.
16:11Goodbye.
16:14I'm going outside now.
16:16And I may be gone sometime.
16:18You'll be gone forever, matey.
16:20Now shove off!
16:21Friday night on BBC One, we'll discover who has won Fame Academy,
16:30as the BBC plucks someone from obscurity
16:33and, with the help of designers, choreographers and a million-pound prize,
16:37hurls them straight back into obscurity.
16:39As Overseas Development Minister, I obviously welcome the deal between the French and British governments
16:49to close the Songhat refugee camp.
16:53As it turns out, it was a straight swap.
16:56Britain takes hundreds of Kurdish asylum seekers, and the French agree to take me.
17:02Tony Blair figures he'll get far less bad press from hundreds of Kurds arriving
17:08than from me opening my bizarrely constricted mouse.
17:15As the new Bond film, Die Another Day, breaks box office records in America,
17:19the production is still being plagued by complaints about excessive product placement.
17:24So, you fiend, you've lured me to your secret lair.
17:30That's right, Mr Bond, and there's no way you can escape.
17:35It's this infernal creation you've strapped me to.
17:38This, Mr Bond?
17:40This is Dr Diabolical's all-new Superhero Slice-O-Matic Deluxe 4000.
17:46The Superhero Slice-O-Matic Deluxe 4000 is the labour-saving killing machine.
17:50It slices, it dices, it purees, it even makes soup, all with the minimum of effort.
17:56It's the labour-saving torture machine no super-villain should be without.
18:00I couldn't believe how much time it saved me.
18:03Says Scaramanga.
18:05The floor of my super-villain lair is lovely and clean, thanks to the Slice-O-Matic 4000.
18:09Said Blofeld.
18:11Now with new improved George Foreman drip tray for a 60% less greasy slaughter.
18:15So, you expect me to die?
18:17Now, Mr Bond, I expect you to buy.
18:22Hi kids! Yes, it's that time of the morning again.
18:25They're brightly coloured blobs!
18:27Flommet, what's happened to your flum umbrella?
18:33Everyone knows Flommet loves his flum umbrella.
18:37You don't anymore.
18:40You now love your new flummy racket.
18:42But won't the mummies and daddies be very cross at being forced to buy exactly the same dolly but with a slightly different plastic accessory?
18:51And where do you think the mummies and daddies will want to stick the flum umbrellas they wasted ten quid on three months ago?
18:57Yes, that's exactly right.
19:01It was with great interest that I read of the government's plans to give equal rights to same-sex relationships.
19:08But I would urge them to extend this beyond same-sex relationships to same-person relationships.
19:17For instance, I, Brian Sewell, have been in a deeply devoted relationship with myself for many years.
19:23I could never love another person as much as I love me.
19:28And so today I have married myself, promising to love the sound of my own voice and listen to no other opinion but my own for as long as I shall live.
19:37My God, but I am beautiful.
19:40A lot of people have said to me, you know, Jimmy, why don't you, you know, do a bit of stand-up comedy?
19:45And I thought, well, it's something I've never, you know, never tried it before.
19:50And, you know, at the end of the day, if I don't do it, I'm going to regret it for the rest of my life.
19:54So here goes.
19:55Good luck.
19:57Here's a man, it's his first time ever as a comedian.
20:00And please give a very, very warm welcome to Jimmy!
20:11Yes, er...
20:13Hello.
20:15Yes.
20:16Good to see you.
20:18Yeah, er...
20:19Funny, really, er...
20:21This, you know, is my first, erm...
20:26It is my first show and, er, obviously I'm going to be...
20:30A little bit nervous, but, er, you know, at the end of the day, you know, people say to me, well, you know, why don't you sort of go out there, give it a go and see what happens.
20:40Listen to this, listen to this, listen to this, listen to this.
20:42That's a funny noise, isn't it?
20:43Anyway, do you remember the 70s?
20:47They've got that funny thing, haven't they, about the 70s, what is it they say?
20:53About the 70s, they say, well, you know, if, at the end of the day, if you, you know, can't remember the 70s, then obviously...
20:59Something quite bad probably happened, er, you just erased it from your mind.
21:09It's something terrible, whatever it was.
21:11Oh, my God.
21:13The other thing I was going to say to you, yes, was about my grandfather, he, do you know, my grandfather, he used to tap dance on, on broken biscuits.
21:21He did! He did! He didn't break them, but they were already broken, they were already broken, he used to just tap dance on them.
21:27Again, not a joke, it's something that actually used to happen.
21:32Er, Mr Hill, er, how did you feel that worked?
21:35Oh, oh, oh, I just, the whole experience just filled me with this overwhelming, oh, I don't know, overwhelming sense of love and acceptance and adulation, I suppose.
21:48Really?
21:50No, I died on my arse.
21:56Elizabeth has, for the last 30 years, suffered from a condition which causes her to fall asleep suddenly for no apparent reason.
22:05Tonight, we investigate the baffling state of narcolepsy.
22:10I first developed the symptoms shortly before my wedding.
22:16It's terribly inconvenient, really, given Ian's job as leader of the Conservative Party.
22:22Absolutely, because I might want to discuss with Elizabeth, say, my ambitious plan to slightly modify current commercial property legislation.
22:32And yet, uncannily, that's just the moment when the narcolepsy often strikes, isn't it?
22:43There we go again.
22:45And people say that narcolepsy only affects 2 in 10,000 people.
22:51But in my experience, it's becoming a real epidemic.
22:54My name is Greg Dyke, and I am Director General of the BBC.
23:05Now, you might have heard that now she's stopped playing that moaning Lisa on EastEnders, we're giving Lucy Benjamin her own cop show.
23:13Why?
23:15I'll tell you why.
23:17It's the same reason that Stephen Tompkinson, Nick Berry and Pauline Quirk all ended up being gritty cops.
23:22Because I once went out in the piss with Gloria Honeyford and ended up betting her that I could turn everyone in the BBC into hard-bitten detectives for my crime double shows.
23:32Well, a bet's a bet, innit?
23:35Two quid, I stand to win.
23:37And everyone means everyone.
23:42A vicious gang war has erupted on the mean streets of London, and it's up to one hard-bitten cop to stop it.
23:49Hello, and welcome to the show. I'm ACBC, Dale Wynter.
23:54Blue wouldn't be caught dead in it, it's so last season.
23:58Doesn't look good, Gav.
23:59You're telling me. Blackheads, wrinkles, bags under the eyes. I've got one word for you, sweetheart. Botox. Never forget your face is your fortune. Gotta get it all done.
24:09Now, here's a little tip for all you budding detectives out there. You've got to get yourself a good grass. Organic wheat grass. Britney swears by it.
24:20Gav, we found these stashed in a hold all outside.
24:23It's just as I thought. Chanel's glimmering evening satin. Should get some of this for Martine.
24:31Well, it's time to review our suspects, so let's release those balls!
24:36It may be MacDog Murphy. His name's been linked with brutal slayings 57 times this year.
24:43If it's Hacksaw Murphy, that could be lucky for some.
24:46And it might be the eighth appearance this year for Crazy Sam.
24:50Bonus suspect is Dave the Hammer.
24:52Oh, and it's Killer Zed! Not seen him for a while.
24:57Now then, sweetheart, I've got to ask you a few questions.
25:02Is this shirt Gucci? Because I know Tom Ford sent a lot of black down the catwalks this autumn.
25:08What?
25:09Oh, look at this gold chain. I'm loving that. It's so retro. I know I shouldn't, but I adore it!
25:15Do you work out? Because you're in great shape. Are these highlights? They're really sweet.
25:19Yeah. I love the Dickie Davidson going on. It's nice.
25:24I'm sorry. You've had those teeth professionally whitened. I mean, come on. He has, hasn't he?
25:28All right, all right, all right. I'll confess everything.
25:30Shipment Times, a distribution network. I'll name names. I'll tell you everything, but...
25:34Please. Please. No more compliments about my appearance.
25:39You are a pet. Mwah.
25:41Join us next week when I'll be hunting down a vicious serial killer
25:44and S Club and Ricky Martin will be performing their new singles live. Till then, bye-bye!
25:50APPLAUSE
25:52For me, Russell Crowe, to truly relax between takes on a movie,
25:56I seek out the pleasure that only a sparse, heartfelt, moving piece of poetry can offer.
26:03If not that, then I find Jaggin, the second assistant director's wife up behind the back of a terrible normalistic trigger.
26:09Don't be fooled by the rocks that I've got. I'm just, I'm just Kirsty from the block.
26:14More on that story later.
26:16The government this week was accused of a fudge with its new hunting bill.
26:19I'm joined now by the Prime Minister.
26:21There has been no fudge, Kirsty, furious green rallies, angry barber jacket,
26:25Get off my lamb teeth!
26:27We simply decided against an outright ban on hunting with hounds in favour of a compromise proposal.
26:31Indeed.
26:32Rather than banning the fox hunt, we are banning bargain hunt.
26:36The cruelty on display is simply abhorrent, as can be seen from this shocking video smuggled out of BBC One.
26:42This has got fashion...
26:43Hello, and welcome to Bargain Hunt with me, David Dickinson,
26:47the only person who went to see the Austin Powers movies for the fashion tips.
26:51Now, I think today we're going to run a bargain hunter to ground!
26:55It's terrible to see these poor dumb bargain hunters being set upon by baying antique dealers who force the most horrendous porcelain ducts,
27:06reclining lady figurines and novelty hat stands on them.
27:09People say it is harmless fun watching them suffer so terribly when all of this tat finally comes to auction,
27:15but I say it is barbaric.
27:17Desperate to mobilise opposition to an outright ban,
27:18a massive rally organised by the Pro Bargain Hunt Alliance will take place this weekend in Central London.
27:25We have one of the rally organisers on the line.
27:29Now, what the government seems to have forgotten is the terrible knock-on effect any ban would have on businesses.
27:36Without my harmless activities, countless tanning salons and probably thousands of hairspray manufacturers would be driven out of business.
27:44Many high-profile opponents to an outright bargain hunt ban have now started to come forward.
27:50Bargain hunting is a noble British tradition.
27:54Flogging off dodgy antiques to unsuspecting mugs has, for countless generations, been a way of life for my family and untold numbers of buffers here at the palace.
28:05Bargain hunting is part of the language.
28:07I've lost count of the number of times I've looked at Edward and thought, hmm, could be a duffer.
28:15And over on BBC One, starting in a few minutes, there'll be a chance to see that advert for the BBC's free new digital service.
28:21But don't worry if you miss it, because it'll be on again half an hour after that, and then again, and again, and again, right throughout the night until it reaches the stage you'll be wanting to rip your own face off and stick it up Stephen Berkhoff's jacksy.
28:31You don't deliver those Van Goghs to the drop-off point we agreed, Sunshine, and it'll be more than your ears getting cut off.
28:40Just like he did with Brooklyn, David Beckham has now had the name of his second child Romeo tattooed onto his back.
28:48Here's hoping he calls his next child Kick Me Hard.
28:50I'll kick me hard.
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