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00:01This video is brought to you by S.T.A.L.A.
00:31You pardon me?
01:00Ah!
01:01Ah!
01:03Ah!
01:04Ah!
01:06Ah!
01:08Ah!
01:09Ah!
01:10Ah!
01:11Ah!
01:22It's time to go to sleep!
01:25It's time to go to sleep!
01:28It's time to go to sleep!
01:31It's time to go to sleep!
01:34James!
01:35It's time to go to sleep!
01:41It's time to go to sleep!
01:42A little girl...
01:46Dance.
02:03This is Nathan Barley for Trashback with Dan Ashcroft.
02:06Peace and fucking believe.
02:09Hey, Dan, we forgot some thought you made.
02:11We put your head on a preacher's body.
02:13You're the preacher man?
02:15Preacher! Preacher! Preacher!
02:18Stop it! I'm not a preacher man!
02:20No! I'm not a preacher man!
02:26Oh!
02:31Police de la sign.
02:33No.
02:40The idiots are winning.
02:43Idiots.
02:46Idiots are winning.
02:47Idiots. Idiots, yeah.
02:50You're winning, the idiots. I'm winning.
02:52Damn!
02:55Oh, I read your piece about jerking off the builder.
02:58Yeah.
02:58It's well specious.
02:59Right.
02:59You know, it's partly my idea.
03:01What?
03:02Yeah.
03:03Can I help you?
03:05Get your coffee.
03:06Yeah?
03:07Get your coffee.
03:09Get you one as well, yeah?
03:10Skinny Chino with and poison preach.
03:14Black coffee, please.
03:16Black coffee, please.
03:17Actually, I'll get a black coffee as well, yeah?
03:18The sugar?
03:20Uh, no thanks.
03:22No, no sugar for me either.
03:23Sugar's rubbish.
03:26Can I have one sugar, please?
03:29Actually, I'll have sugar as well.
03:36And can I have some scrambled egg in there, please?
03:42Egg?
03:43Yeah.
03:46Put some egg in mine as well.
03:51Yeah, thank you.
03:53And some smoked salmon as well.
03:59Thanks.
04:01Put some smoked salmon in mine too.
04:03This is mental.
04:10Chin Chin.
04:11Cheers.
04:26It's good.
04:27Yeah, it's well browned.
04:28No, no.
04:29Yeah.
04:30No.
04:31Cheers, preach.
04:32Uh, I won that.
04:33Yeah, I know.
04:34I won that.
04:35Yeah.
04:35I'm winning.
04:36You're not winning.
04:37Yeah.
04:37You're not winning.
04:38You do every time.
04:39Yes, I won.
04:40Yeah.
04:41Yeah.
04:41Piece of fucking preach.
04:43Yes!
04:46December the 8th, 1980.
04:483am.
04:49I'm sat cross-legged, on a cushion, trying to come to terms with myself.
04:55When, quite without warning, John Lennon's head thrust through my floorboards.
05:01He was passing me the torch.
05:04Thanks, John.
05:07Do you mind?
05:09No, no.
05:10Robert Palmer lives in my mobile.
05:13Claire Ashcroft.
05:16Yeah.
05:19Yeah.
05:21Yeah.
05:21It's a really annoying ringtone.
05:23It's a really annoying ringtone.
05:24Hi, Fanny Blossom.
05:25Nathan, I've got a meeting at Channel 7.
05:27Yeah?
05:28About making my film for TV.
05:30Mom?
05:31When?
05:31Today.
05:32What time?
05:3412 o'clock.
05:37Big brown elephant shitcrack.
05:43That is well, Jackson, man.
05:45Totally ECT, man.
05:47Totally ECT.
05:48Come here.
05:50That's hilarious, Enco.
05:52Yeah?
05:52Peace and fucking belief.
05:54We should give Nathan Barley a column.
05:58Yeah, we should give Nathan Barley a column.
06:00Yeah, like call it Nathan Barley's column.
06:05Hey, let's just call it Barley, yeah?
06:07Yeah, man.
06:08Or, like, Nathan.
06:09Yeah, cos, like, yeah, that could be, like, two columns.
06:13Two columns?
06:14Yeah, and, like, maybe one of them would be better than the other one.
06:18Yeah, yeah, and you'd only read the good one.
06:20How would you tell which was the good one?
06:24Check them out.
06:25Direct comparison.
06:27Like, you read them both to find out which is the best one?
06:29Yeah, and then you just read the good one.
06:34Are we gonna do this?
06:37OK.
06:39Take the day off.
06:41Can we go home early?
06:42I'm gonna do laps, basically, after that.
07:02Latte, two shots, no sugar.
07:04Eh?
07:05Coffee.
07:06Spark up the pitching gland.
07:09Thanks, Nathan.
07:12That's, er...
07:14What are you doing here?
07:16I thought it best we sort out our pitch before we go in.
07:19Our pitch?
07:21And I've done you a presentation DVD of your junkie choir stuff.
07:25London Undone and Done In.
07:27Claire Ashcroft and Nathan Barley joints.
07:30Thanks.
07:32Look, I just need to do this by myself.
07:34Yeah, it's what I was thinking.
07:36You won't even know I'm there.
07:38No.
07:39Nathan, I don't want you there.
07:42Of course.
07:47Where's Vernon Kaye?
07:49Hey, Kaye-hole!
07:50Keep it mencap, you fucking ear!
07:55I don't even know him.
07:59Ivan Plapp, hi.
08:00Claire Ashcroft.
08:02Ivan Plapp.
08:03Nathan Barley.
08:04Let's slip low.
08:05Thanks.
08:07So, okay.
08:09Claire, you've sent in an outline for a documentary.
08:12That's right.
08:12Fill these.
08:14Okay, right.
08:15It's called London Undone and Done In.
08:17Hell, it's fucking awesome.
08:18It's about the invisible people who've fallen through the cracks, the drug addicts, the homeless.
08:23The total fuck-ups.
08:25Prostitutes.
08:25Oh, some of them are meaners.
08:29The people we pretend not to notice on a daily basis.
08:31Stop you for just a moment there, Claire.
08:33This all sounds a bit sad face.
08:36What we're looking for at the moment is Salvation TV.
08:39Can we set any of these people a mission?
08:41Well, some of them are trying to help themselves.
08:44There's this junky choir.
08:45Oh, that is so fucking bump.
08:47She's done so well.
08:49Can I see?
08:50Of course.
08:50Can I see?
08:51Yeah.
08:53Wicked.
08:57There we go.
09:01We have anti-drug songs that we perform to schools.
09:06Fantastic.
09:06That's my life now, taking the message round to schools.
09:09And if you get caught, baby, it's nobody else's fault.
09:12So don't do it.
09:13Freeze!
09:15Run!
09:17Freeze!
09:19Run!
09:24Hi!
09:25Hi!
09:27Hi!
09:28W psyched.
09:32Good.
09:37Well, it's not funny really.
09:39Wow.
09:40It's sort of it.
09:40Nathan, it's not.
09:41Your right Claire.
09:42It's not funny.
09:44But this does make us laugh.
09:46See you.
09:47I like that. There's a positive message for people.
09:50But if we want, we can drop back a layer and laugh
09:52if we're in the chuckle demographic.
09:55It's win-win-win.
09:57Right.
09:57That's genius.
09:59Peace and fucking.
10:02Peace and fucking. What have I heard that before?
10:04Oh, um, probably my website.
10:07Trashbat.cock.
10:09Trashbat.cock, the pranks.
10:11I saw someone projecting those at the male gun arms.
10:14They are just evil.
10:15Yes, they are.
10:16Now, they're really telling us something, aren't they, Claire?
10:19Yeah.
10:20What, the pranks?
10:21Yeah.
10:22Something about ourselves.
10:24The political has become the personal.
10:26I know.
10:26Which makes pranks like those very satirical.
10:29That's exactly it.
10:31It's swift as jackass.
10:33Or even faster.
10:49Hey, preach.
10:51Want to be on TV?
10:54What?
10:55It's about time you've shown your fucked up Bible through a plasma screen.
10:59What are you talking about?
11:01Nathan might have got a pilot at my Channel 7 meeting.
11:05Oh, if it happens, it'll be our pilot.
11:12Believe.
11:19I'll be in the office, cooking up a TV shitstorm.
11:24Count on you, preach.
11:25Later, treacle slit.
11:29Watch the fuck out, people, yeah?
11:31Watch the fuck out.
11:42I'm going to get some sleep.
11:55You can't get me, can you?
11:56You can't fucking me.
11:57You don't know where you're fucking looking, you asshole.
12:04Ma!
12:04Ma!
12:05Use your fucking eyes, Ma!
12:21Bingo.
12:24Bingo.
12:27Bingo.
13:00I'm over here, ma'am, you fucking idiot.
13:02I'm over here, ma'am, you fucking idiot.
13:12I'm over here, ma'am, you fucking idiot.
13:17I'm over here, ma'am.
13:24I'm over here, ma'am, you fucking idiot.
13:25You're fuckingANNA.
13:27W ê´€ë ¨ me, ma'am, you fucking idiot!
13:40Shit.
13:42Shit, man.
13:48Pingu! Pingu!
14:07Hey! Dan, what are you up to, man?
14:11Nothing.
14:12Me too.
14:13Just...
14:13Going into the office for the first time.
14:16You just came out of there.
14:18Did I?
14:19Yeah.
14:20Isn't that a thing?
14:22Is it?
14:27What are you doing?
14:29Yeah, what are you doing?
14:31Fell out the window.
14:34What?
14:36There's a gunman.
14:37There's a gunman in the cupboard with a balaclava.
14:40Oh!
14:42That's...
14:44That's the game.
14:45The game that this computer game is playing.
14:47It makes him see things that aren't really there.
14:51I'd call an ambulance if that were you.
14:53Why? He's OK.
14:54I'd call an ambulance.
14:55Well, where are you going?
14:57I'm going to check to see if there's a gunman.
15:00But it's...
15:00Yeah, good.
15:02Shit.
15:03Come on, Pingu. Pingu.
15:07Oh, shit.
15:13Did the hospital know what happened?
15:15No.
15:18Good.
15:24Not because of that bloody game.
15:26He said he saw a gunman.
15:28The game's full of them.
15:31Are you saying he's gone crackers?
15:33I wish I wasn't.
15:37I'll go down to the hospital and see how he is.
15:39I'll come with you.
15:41In case you need comforting.
15:44If he's dead.
15:46I don't think he's...
15:49My uncle died without falling out of anything.
16:12I'm in your office.
16:13Some guy jumps out of the cupboard, frightens Pingu out the window.
16:18You can't see who it is.
16:20Yes, you can.
16:20You can't.
16:21Yes.
16:21You can't.
16:22Yes, you can.
16:22You can't.
16:23I'm wearing a balaclava.
16:30Can I have that?
16:32Please?
16:35Why don't you get me a drink?
16:39Yeah.
16:40Give me a couple of pairs of pints.
16:52Four pints of lager, please.
17:04Hello.
17:06I see the lady serving you.
17:10Tell her your name's Nathan Barley.
17:13And you like throwing people out of windows.
17:18Clearly, I'm firm on your phone.
17:27You like to hear it.
17:29Good.
17:33Nathan!
17:33Hi.
17:34Who's that?
17:35Dating Channel 7.
17:37How's the pilot coming along?
17:38Keep filming.
17:39Put your hands on his balls.
17:40Great.
17:40I've been checking out your virals.
17:42There's a lot of heat there.
17:42I had no idea.
17:45A lot of heat.
17:46A lot of traffic.
17:47Friends of mine are raving about it.
17:49Do it again.
17:49How's it coming along?
17:50along. Any plans for the pilots? What are you doing? Are you doing something? What is
17:56this? The old invasion of body space thing. The new twist. Whoa. Ah, okay. Peanuts in
18:04the face. Interesting. I was expecting that. That's good. Surprise. You're 24-7 on this,
18:10aren't you? I think that's what makes it work. A lot of people just... Whoa! What's this
18:17idea? This is not good. Kick him up the arse and leave. This is crossing a line. What?
18:23I have this fitted by Gavin Plemy. That is well outside the fucking box. Are you guys
18:30the crew? Are we all in this? Am I the centre of something here? Is something brilliant
18:36happening? Oh, fucking hell. This is fun. Yeah? Can we stop there? We're on a roll. We're
18:46riffing. Yeah. I just mainly think it's only funny for a little bit longer. No. I think
18:51you're going to have to record a public statement. Public statement? Yeah. On your camera, then
18:56put it on your website. That'd be good, wouldn't it? Yeah. Yeah. So why don't you set your camera
18:59up? I'll go to the office and write up some words for you. Words. For you, yeah. My words.
19:04Right. Some of my words, just for you. Okay. Thanks, Dan. Thanks, Dan. Pleasure.
19:20Hey. Well done. Did I just survive that? Landed on my thumbs. Ah. Best part to land
19:26on. No bones in the thumbs. Get the gun, then. There was no gun on Pingu. It's just that
19:32game. It was. I saw it. I saw his gun. No, you've just totally lost control of your mind.
19:36That'll do, Toby. You're upset, Claire. Do you want comforting? No. Just say the words. Yeah?
19:59Oh, shit. It's a really annoying time. It's a really annoying time. It's a really annoying
20:10time. Hi, Dan. Listen. Listen. Can we... I've left you my words. Huh?
20:16Read them into the camera. Okay. I'll be back later.
20:23Toby, please. I'm fine. Ah, that's a little comforting.
20:28There is a gunman. But Pingu, there was a robbery in a kebab shop at two in the morning.
20:35With a gun? Maybe there is a gunman and Pingu's gone mental.
20:41Toby? Well, come on. Because if he does get shot, he won't know what to do, will he?
20:45You could die from not treating the holes. Right, thanks, Toby.
20:48But would you know what to do if you got shot?
20:51No. See? God, this is getting worse.
20:55Toby, why don't you leave us alone for a while? We'll see you later, okay?
21:05Oh. I see. Look after her, mate. She's a good woman. Obviously too good for me.
21:22Hello. My name's Nathan Barley and I'm an idiot. Louder.
21:37First, I'm going to prove what an idiot I am by stripping to my underpants
21:42and writing the word idiot across my chest. Do I have to do that now?
21:46Yeah.
21:52Oh, come on. Pingu, it's just the office. Come on.
22:00Come on, it's fine.
22:17Since you're watching this on my fucking rubbish website, you're an idiot too.
22:22You are all idiots and I'm king of the idiots.
22:25Good.
22:26And some other things.
22:29Dan's sister.
22:30I should never have touched her because this gives Dan bad pictures in his mind
22:34like the one where we wake up and do it again.
22:38Also, I was wrong about the coffee this morning.
22:41He won. I didn't. I'm a fucking times eight idiot.
22:49Now, salute the camera and laugh until I say stop.
23:10Nathan.
23:11Ah, idiots!
23:13Come on! Come on, you idiots!
23:18Dan!
23:36What are you doing?
23:39Shut up.
23:43Damn.
23:49What are you doing?
23:51Shut up.
24:00He bounced.
24:29He bounced.
24:34You all right, Dan?
24:36Hey, Dan, I need you to sign this.
24:41You all right, Dan?
24:48Dan?
24:49Hey, Dan, I need you to sign this.
24:51I need you to sign this.
24:56Daniel.
24:58Sorry, there.
24:59Just a mark.
25:00Anything you can manage.
25:08You're in my show, Dan.
25:11Cheers, mate.
25:13You all right?
25:18Do you want to be assistant director on my show?
25:22You all right, Dan?
25:24Dan, Dan?
25:25Money's quite good.
25:27Dan?
25:28He's in it.
25:30Dan?
25:32Okay.
25:33Money's quite good.
25:34Dan?
25:35He's in it.
25:36There's a mail.
25:38What is it?
25:43I like you,arten.
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