- 4 months ago
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TVTranscript
00:01Oh dear. Oh dear.
00:04Hello.
00:05What a shame.
00:07Hello Operator, what is going on?
00:09Oh, I know.
00:11I've been trying to get through the speaking clock.
00:15Oh dear.
00:16Well, it's engaged.
00:19How awful.
00:20Well, it's been engaged for 10 minutes. How is this possible? My wife isn't talking to it?
00:25Well, hold your head right back. That usually stops it.
00:28Right. Speaking clock is obviously taking the phone off the hook.
00:31Either that or there's been a light shower within 20 miles.
00:35Well, you better not go on if he's getting on the bedspread.
00:38Unobtainable. The clock's been cut off. Obviously it didn't pay its bill.
00:42Well, call me back when you staunched it.
00:46I don't know why she stays with him. Oh, that's pretty.
00:49Oh, hello. You've got your guide.
00:52Good evening, Mr. Johnson.
00:53Good evening. Any messages?
00:55Three, I think.
00:56Three? Everybody wants you, don't they?
00:59I wouldn't say that.
01:01Oh, well.
01:02You're only single once.
01:04Twice can be arranged.
01:07What, Basil?
01:08Nothing, my dear.
01:11We got enough bananas this week, dear?
01:13I don't think so.
01:14I don't think so.
01:15I don't think so.
01:16I don't think so.
01:25So, Harry says, you don't like me anymore. Why not?
01:29And he says, because you got so terribly pretentious.
01:32And Harry says, pretentious? Mwah!
01:34I'll destroy that number.
01:37Oh, that's awfully good, isn't it? Mwah!
01:41Did you hear it, Basil?
01:43What, dear?
01:44The joke.
01:45Oh, a joke. Now I heard you laugh.
01:46I thought perhaps he was having a tea party.
01:49Tea party?
01:51Oh, now I understand the banana reference.
01:53You mean you think he looks like a monkey?
01:55Only from some angles.
01:57Well, from my angle, he's very attractive.
02:00Attractive?
02:01You know, easy and amusing and charming.
02:04Charming, eh?
02:05Well, he's certainly covered in charms.
02:06I've never seen so many medals round one neck in my life.
02:09He must be the bravest orangutan in Britain.
02:12What is the point of decorating yourself like that?
02:14They're not just for decoration. They have symbolic meaning.
02:18Sybil, that type would wear a dog turd round its neck if it was made of gold.
02:22Basil, you're so ignorant sometimes.
02:25One of them happens to be a rhino's tooth.
02:27One's an ancient Egyptian fertility symbol.
02:30Well, that must come in handy.
02:32It's not supposed to be handy, Basil.
02:34It goes back to the dawn of civilisation.
02:37Well, by the look of his forehead, so does he.
02:39Tell me, Basil, what is it about the Mediterranean type that antagonises you so?
02:45Is it because women find them attractive?
02:47Sybil, I...
02:48Don't you think that we girls should be aroused by people like Gladstone and Earl Haig and Baden-Poor, don't you?
02:54Well, at least they had a certain dignity.
02:55It's hard to imagine Earl Haig wandering around with his shirt open at the waist covered with identity bracelets, isn't he?
03:01Well, he didn't mind the medals, did he? The military decorations.
03:05That's not the point.
03:06I suppose the reason you confuse them with monkeys is that monkeys have fun.
03:09They know how to enjoy themselves.
03:11That's what makes them sexy, I suppose.
03:13I never thought of that.
03:14Good evening.
03:15Good evening.
03:16I turned a minute earlier.
03:17The name is Abbott.
03:18Oh, yes.
03:19There hasn't been a cancellation, I'm afraid, so it is still a room without bar.
03:22That's fine.
03:23Oh, good.
03:24Would you just fill that in for me, please?
03:28Yes, we're terribly busy at the moment.
03:31Just enjoying myself.
03:32Good evening.
03:33Good evening.
03:34Good evening.
03:40Thank you, Mr Abbott.
03:41Oh, Dr Abbott, sorry.
03:43Doctor?
03:44Yes.
03:45I'm terribly sorry, we hadn't been told.
03:47We hadn't been told you were a doctor.
03:48Oh, how do you do, Doctor?
03:50Very nice to have you with us, Doctor.
03:52You're in room five, Doctor.
03:53And Mrs Abbott, how do you do?
03:55Dr Abbott, actually.
03:56Sorry?
03:57Dr Abbott.
03:58Two doctors.
03:59You're two doctors?
04:00Yes.
04:01Well, how did you become two doctors?
04:02It's most unusual.
04:03I mean, did you take the exam twice or...?
04:05No, my wife's a doctor.
04:07I'm a doctor.
04:08You're a doctor, too.
04:09So you're three doctors.
04:10No, I'm just...
04:11I'm just one doctor, my wife is another doctor.
04:14Manuel!
04:15Uh, your room is at the top of the stairs along to the left.
04:18Oh, I see.
04:19You see, I thought when you said two doctors, that, uh...
04:21Manuel, would you take the doctor's cases up to number five, please?
04:24Yes, this way, please, doctors.
04:26Yes, when you, uh, when you said that you were two doctors,
04:28I thought perhaps you were a doctor of cancer and perhaps a doctor of, um...
04:31Did you get through all right?
04:33One was busy.
04:34I'll try again in a minute.
04:35Look, I forgot to ask.
04:36Any news on that room for my mother?
04:37Oh, yes.
04:38Number 16 has decided to stay, I'm afraid.
04:40I tried a couple of other places for you, but everywhere's full at the moment.
04:43Oh, well, no hassle.
04:44She won't mind sharing with me.
04:45Lucky Mum!
04:46I'll just go and try that number again.
04:49Oh, here, use this one.
04:50Oh, thank you.
04:51Uh, may I ask the sign on the chain by the Egyptian fertility symbol?
05:00What is that?
05:01Um, oh, it's, um, Greek astrological sign.
05:04Oh, it's beautiful.
05:05Where did you get it?
05:06Um, Colchester, I think.
05:09Colchester?
05:10Oh, hello.
05:11Can I speak to John Lawson, please?
05:12Oh, all right.
05:13I'll hold on.
05:14So your mother will be arriving tomorrow?
05:16Yes, first thing.
05:17She's getting the overnight train down from Newcastle.
05:19Newcastle?
05:20Yeah, visiting grandchildren.
05:21She's 77.
05:2277?
05:23Isn't that amazing?
05:25Old people are wonderful when they have so much life, aren't they?
05:29Gives us all hope, doesn't it?
05:32My mother, on the other hand, is a little bit of a trial, really.
05:38You know, it's all right when they have the life force, but Mother, well,
05:42she's got more of the death force, really.
05:45She's a warrior.
05:46No, no, it's all right.
05:47I'll hold.
05:48She has these, well, morbid fears they are, really.
05:52Vans is one.
05:55Rats, doorknobs, birds, heights, open spaces, confined spaces.
06:06It's very difficult getting the space right for her, really, you know.
06:11Football, bicycles, cows.
06:16And she's always on about men following her.
06:19I don't know what she thinks they're going to do to her.
06:21Vomit on her, Basil says.
06:24Can I leave my number?
06:25He can call me back.
06:26And death.
06:27Oh, I see, right.
06:28She's frightened of death.
06:30I've told her there's nothing she can do about it, aren't about it the whole time she is.
06:34I mean, nature can only take its course.
06:36The only thing you can hope for is that it won't be long drawn out and painful,
06:40but she can't accept that.
06:41Oh, excuse me.
06:42Hello, John.
06:43How are you?
06:44No, fine.
06:45I'm just down for the weekend.
06:46Charming people.
06:49The Abbots.
06:51Charming couple.
06:52Yes, all three of them.
06:54All right for the night.
06:56You know, that outfit that Mrs Abbott was wearing, you should get yourself something like that.
07:01Oh, for the gardening, you mean?
07:02No, I can't tomorrow night.
07:03How about lunch?
07:04Yes, attractive woman.
07:05How old would you say she was, Sybil?
07:07Forty-eight, fifty.
07:08Oh, now, Sybil.
07:09I really don't know, Basil.
07:10Perhaps she's twelve.
07:11No.
07:12Favourite.
07:13Magic.
07:14Yes, nice to have that kind of person staying, isn't it?
07:17Professional class, educated, civilised.
07:19We've got both ends of the evolutionary scale this week, haven't we?
07:26Evening.
07:27We're just going out for a stroll.
07:29What time do you say?
07:30Dinner?
07:317.30 till nine.
07:32See you tomorrow, then.
07:33Ciao.
07:34Do you have a guide to Torquay?
07:35A guide?
07:36Oh, dear.
07:37I think we're out of them again.
07:38Do you want to look at this one?
07:39I've got it in town.
07:40Oh, thanks.
07:41Yes, what's on in Torquay?
07:42Yes, one of the world's shortest books.
07:44Ah!
07:46What?
07:48One of the world's shortest books.
07:50Like the wit of Margaret Thatcher.
07:53Or Great English Lovers.
07:55Oh, that's very funny, isn't it, Basil?
08:00Are you taking dinner here tonight?
08:02Sorry?
08:03Are you dining here tonight, here in this unfashionable dump?
08:06I wasn't planning to.
08:07No, not really all seen, is it?
08:09I thought I'd try somewhere in town.
08:10Anywhere you'd recommend?
08:11Oh, what sort of food were you thinking of?
08:12Fruit, or...?
08:14Anywhere they do French food.
08:16Yes, France, I believe.
08:17They seem to like it, eh?
08:19And a swim would certainly sharpen your appetite.
08:21You'd better hurry, the tide leaves in six minutes.
08:24Excuse my husband's sledgehammer wit, Mr Johnson.
08:27There is a very nice place, La Pomme d'Amour.
08:29Oh, La Pomme d'Amour, the apple of love.
08:32Yes, in Orchard Street.
08:33Or that ancient Egyptian place, the golden dog something?
08:37Do enjoy yourself, we'll see you later.
08:42I have had it up to here with you.
08:44Haven't you?
08:45You never get it right, do you?
08:46You're either crawling all over them, licking their boots,
08:49or spitting poison at them like some Benzedrine puffadder.
08:55Just trying to enjoy myself.
09:00Ah, did you enjoy your beef?
09:01Oh, yes, thank you.
09:02Ah, good.
09:03Would you care for a dessert?
09:04No, just coffee, thank you.
09:05Just coffee for me.
09:06Two coffees, Sybil.
09:07Two coffees.
09:08Here, please, dear.
09:09Would you care for a little something with us?
09:11A little aperitif, cognac, brandy, on us, with us, which we'll pay for, on the house.
09:16Well, thank you.
09:17Yes, I'd like a cognac, if I may.
09:19Dr. Eggman?
09:20Oh, poor, thank you.
09:21Mon plaisir.
09:23Coffee for you, Doctor.
09:25And for you, Doctor.
09:26Thank you, Doctor.
09:27Have you been to Tolki before?
09:29Well, not for a few years.
09:30No, we had a free weekend and we suddenly thought we'd like to get out of London.
09:34Lovely.
09:35White or black?
09:36Black, thank you.
09:38And black for you, Doctor.
09:40Cognac for you, Doctor.
09:41It's rather fascinating you're both being doctors.
09:42Poor for you, Doctor.
09:43Because at one stage I was contemplating becoming a surgeon.
09:47A tree surgeon.
09:50Thank you, Sybil.
09:51Had to give it up.
09:52Couldn't stand the sight of sap.
09:54It's a bit old, isn't it?
09:57My great-grandfather on my mother's side was a doctor, so it always felt that I might...
10:01Run a hotel.
10:03Are you...
10:05Are you both in general practice?
10:07No, I'm a paediatrician.
10:08Feet.
10:09Children.
10:12Well, children have feet, don't they?
10:14That's how they move around, my dear.
10:15You must take a look next time.
10:16It's most interesting.
10:17And you, Doctor, are you...
10:18I'm a psychiatrist.
10:19Very nice, too.
10:20Well, cheers.
10:21I'll get you another one.
10:24Sorry.
10:26A psychiatrist.
10:27How fascinating.
10:28We've never had a psychiatrist stay here before.
10:31We had a faith healer the first month we were open.
10:34Really?
10:35It's a relatively new profession, Psychiatry, isn't it?
10:38Well, Freud started about 1880.
10:41Yes, but it's only now we're seeing them on the television.
10:44Here we are.
10:45I must just excuse me.
10:46How long have you had this hotel?
10:49Well, my husband now...
10:51Keep going, keep going.
10:52What is it?
10:53Abbott.
10:54What's the matter with him?
10:55Psychiatrist.
10:56Look at him.
10:57Look.
10:58Look at the way he's listening.
10:59See?
11:00He's taking it all in.
11:01She doesn't realise.
11:02Look.
11:03Look at the way she's talking.
11:04They've got photographic memories.
11:05Uh, Simon.
11:06Simon.
11:07Yes, Basil.
11:08Could I just bother you, dear?
11:09What is it?
11:10Just a little problem.
11:11Nothing personal.
11:12Nothing of a private nature.
11:13Excuse me, would you?
11:16What is it, Basil?
11:17Just take it easy, okay?
11:18What?
11:19Well, just keep your distance.
11:20I mean, remember who you are, all right?
11:21Remember what?
11:22Well, just don't tell him too much about yourself, all right?
11:24Basil, I'm perfect.
11:25All right, all right.
11:26What have you told him?
11:27Nothing.
11:28We were talking about Scotland.
11:29Scotland?
11:30What's he want to know about Scotland?
11:31Oh, Basil.
11:32Why are you so nervous?
11:33I'm not nervous.
11:34I'm just saying take it easy, all right?
11:35All of us.
11:36Just take it easy, all right?
11:37He's got into it.
11:38Nothing's got into it.
11:39I'm just saying take it easy.
11:40Without starting a panic.
11:41I mean, what is going on?
11:42Now, look.
11:43Mr Falky, take it easy.
11:45Now, look.
11:46Well, get one thing clear, all right?
11:47You don't tell me to take it easy.
11:49I don't pay you to tell me to take it easy.
11:51I pay you to take it easy.
11:52No, I pay you to tell you to take it easy.
11:53So take it easy, all right?
11:55Yes.
11:56Why are you getting so upset?
11:58I'm not.
11:59You liked him when he arrived.
12:00No, no.
12:01And then just because you find out he's a psychiatrist.
12:03I'm not bothered by that.
12:04I'm not bothered by that.
12:05If he wants to be a psychiatrist, that's his own funeral.
12:07They're all mad as bloody marches anyway.
12:08That's not the point.
12:09Look.
12:10How does he earn his money?
12:11He gets paid for sticking his nose.
12:13Oh, bastard.
12:14No, I'm going to have my say in people's private details.
12:17Well, just speaking of myself,
12:18I don't want some total stranger nosing around
12:20in my private parts.
12:21Detail.
12:22That's all I'm saying.
12:23They're here on holiday.
12:24They're just here to enjoy themselves.
12:26He can't.
12:27Can't what?
12:28He can't tell me anything about myself
12:29that I don't know already.
12:30All this cartridge is a load of tommy rock.
12:32Yeah.
12:33You know what they're all obsessed with, don't you?
12:35What?
12:36You know what they say it's all about, don't you?
12:38Hmm?
12:39Sex.
12:40Everything's connected with sex.
12:41Oh, what a load of cobblers.
12:43Yes, but you see, if they wanted to do that,
12:47well, they'd have to close the hotel, wouldn't they?
12:49Yes.
12:50If you would just sign that.
12:51Thank you so much.
12:52Yes.
12:53We were just speculating how people in your profession
12:55arrange their holidays.
12:56How often you can get away.
12:58Hmm?
12:59How often do you manage it?
13:00Hmm?
13:01How often can you and your wife manage it?
13:02Hmm?
13:03You don't mind my asking?
13:04Not at all.
13:05Not at all.
13:06Not at all.
13:07About average, since you asked.
13:08Average?
13:09Mm-hmm.
13:10Mm-hmm.
13:11What would be average?
13:12Well, you tell me.
13:13Well, a couple of times a year.
13:14What?
13:15Once a year?
13:16Well, we knew it must be difficult.
13:17My wife didn't see how you could manage it at all.
13:20You know?
13:21No.
13:22No.
13:23No.
13:24No.
13:25No.
13:26No.
13:27No.
13:28No.
13:29No.
13:30No.
13:31No.
13:32No.
13:33No.
13:34No.
13:35No.
13:36No.
13:37No.
13:38No.
13:39No.
13:40No.
13:41Well, as you've asked, two or three times a week, actually.
13:47A week?
13:48Yes.
13:49Pretty normal, isn't it?
13:50Quite normal down here in talking, you know?
13:52And he says, pretentious.
13:55Why?
13:58I always like a man who can make me laugh.
14:02Are you alright, Mr Fortey?
14:04Yes, yes, yes.
14:06What's the matter, Basil?
14:07Nothing to do.
14:08Just talking to Dr Abbott.
14:09Oh, now, if I had the money to go to a psychiatrist, he'd just the sort I'd choose.
14:13I can't leave anything nicer than having a good old heart-to-heart.
14:16I'm sure they understand women.
14:18Temple.
14:19Why, darling?
14:20Do you know what he asked me just now?
14:23What?
14:24He asked me...
14:27Oh, don't be ridiculous, Bail.
14:29I'm telling you the truth, honestly, as God's witness.
14:32What's got into you today?
14:33He turned round and asked me just like that.
14:35What did he say?
14:36He said...
14:37His wife said...
14:40They're talking about holidays, Basil.
14:42I was just saying to them about how difficult it is to get any.
14:46Twice a year.
14:47Oh, my God, what did I say?
14:49Oh, it doesn't matter.
14:50I was right in her.
14:55Hello.
14:56You know, we were at Class Purposes just now.
14:59They were talking about sex.
15:00I thought you were talking about walks.
15:02No sex, holidays.
15:03Holidays.
15:03Ha, sex.
15:05Ha, ha, ha.
15:05No, my wife and I have one about twice a year.
15:08I mean, a holiday.
15:08A holiday.
15:09Whereas, as far as a good walk goes,
15:11well, we have a jolly good walk about two or three times a week, average.
15:14Well, we're just taking hours now.
15:17Well, enjoy it.
15:18Ah, the walk.
15:19Walk.
15:20I'm so sorry.
15:21My name is Raylene Miles.
15:23I have a reservation.
15:25Ah, yes, that's right.
15:26Would you be so kind as to fill this in?
15:28Mm-hmm.
15:29Here.
15:38Very nice.
15:40Oh, thank you.
15:42Your thing.
15:44I mean, your charms.
15:44Your charms.
15:45In the middle.
15:45Yes, I know.
15:46Ah.
15:49May I ask what it is?
15:50It's the St. Christopher's Medal.
15:52Saint?
15:53St. Christopher.
15:54Patron Saint of Travellers.
15:56Hello, dear.
15:58St. Christopher's Medal.
15:59It takes travellers.
16:00Very pretty.
16:01Yes, isn't she?
16:02Where did you put the order forms, Bezler?
16:03Down there, dear.
16:05Where?
16:05Down here, dear.
16:07Oh, I see.
16:10Yes, here we are.
16:11I think I'll find them there.
16:14Ah, hello.
16:15Can I keep number six, please?
16:16You're back early this evening, Mr. Johnson.
16:18Yes, well, I've got to be up early for Mother.
16:22I'll put you in number seven.
16:24Manuel!
16:25It's all right, dear.
16:25I'll take them up.
16:27We have a Spanish porter we're training at the moment.
16:29Be quicker to train an ape!
16:34Never mind, Manuel.
16:35Oh.
16:35Yes, I was just wondering, um, are you, in fact, Australian at all, by any chance, my
16:51heart?
16:51Oh, dear.
16:52Is my accent that strong?
16:54Oh, no, no, no.
16:54It's just that you're quite tall, so I thought perhaps you'll...
16:56Here we are.
16:58This is your room.
16:58I hope it's to your liking.
17:00View of the English Riviera, down there, behind the trees.
17:02Uh, this is your bathroom.
17:04Here we are.
17:06Oh, the light's not working.
17:08I'll just fix it.
17:09Have you, uh, have you had a tiring journey?
17:12Uh, seven hours in the coach.
17:13Is, uh, is the dining room still open?
17:16Well, the chef leaves at night, I'm afraid.
17:18We can always do you sandwiches.
17:19Oh, I'd like a hot meal, really.
17:21Is there a restaurant near here?
17:23Uh, well, there's an awfully good little Welsh place.
17:25Leek House, about five minutes' walk.
17:27You'd have to go straight away.
17:28Oh, that'll do fine.
17:30Just turn left out of the gate and straight on, and it's on your right.
17:42You left this downstairs.
17:45Sir, I was trying the switch.
17:46I'm sorry, Sybil, Sybil, Sybil, Sybil, I'm sorry.
17:48I didn't know she was there.
17:49I was trying the switch.
17:50It's pathetic, Basil.
17:51No, no, look, Sybil, I was reaching round for the switch.
17:53Don't bother.
17:54Look, look, the lights won't work in the bathroom, right?
17:56Okay, so I went in, checked the fitting, which was loose.
17:58I've read about it, Basil.
17:59The male menopause, it's called.
18:02Oh, and one word of advice.
18:04If you're going to grope a girl,
18:05have the gallantry to stay in the room with her while you're doing it.
18:15I'm sorry, I do apologise for just our sort of feeling for the switch.
18:17Oh, I realise that's perfectly all right.
18:20I hope your wife didn't...
18:21Oh, no, no, my wife.
18:23She's been on about that.
18:25Where was that restaurant again?
18:26Out of the gate, turn left, five minutes on your right.
18:29Leak house.
18:30Not at all.
18:36Pretentious!
18:36Moi!
18:37Yes, can I help you?
18:51Um, I was just wondering if I could get, um, a drink now.
18:56A drink?
18:57Well, a bottle of champagne.
19:00Champagne?
19:01Yes.
19:01I see.
19:02You are aware of our rule about visitors, are you?
19:05Hmm?
19:05No visitors in guests' rooms after ten o'clock.
19:08Oh.
19:09Of the opposite, um, sex.
19:11No, I wasn't.
19:12Ah.
19:13But I am now.
19:15So you'll send up the champagne, will you?
19:16What?
19:17The champagne.
19:19You're drinking it on your own, are you?
19:21I guess I'll have to.
19:22Very well.
19:24One bottle of champagne for one.
19:26And one glass.
19:28That's all I'll need.
19:29Unless you care to join me.
19:30No, thank you.
19:30Not when I'm on the job.
19:31That's when I enjoy it the most.
19:39Edward! Edward! Edward! Edward!
19:40One of the champagne, one glass, quick!
19:49Mr. Fawlty?
19:51Hmm?
19:51Did you know there's a psychiatrist, Stane?
19:54Yes, yes, I did.
19:55Has he come for the major?
19:56What?
19:57Has he come for the major?
19:59No.
20:00Oh, good.
20:01We were rather worried.
20:02I'm sure they have them in Birmingham, too.
20:06Good night, ladies.
20:07It's just coming.
20:11Won't be a moment.
20:18This wall.
20:36We had some complaints from downstairs, so I'm just giving it a check.
20:39Yes, I think that's fine.
20:44No, we're all right.
20:46Fine.
20:46Well, sorry to disturb you.
20:47Good night.
20:48Good night.
20:49Good night.
20:49Good night.
20:50Can I help?
21:00Good night.
21:00The bath.
21:01Yes, uh, second on the left.
21:02Good night.
21:03Yes?
21:04It's just coming.
21:05It's coming.
21:06It's coming.
21:06I'm sorry, I'll get you another one.
21:33There you go, bird brain, God knows how they ever got an armada together.
21:45Still, I'll clear all this up.
21:47Right, but if you'd like to go back to the rooms, sure.
21:56Forte!
21:57Yes.
21:58Here, here.
21:59What?
22:00I thought you ought to know.
22:01What?
22:02There's a psychiatrist in the hotel.
22:05Yes, I know.
22:06Oh, you know?
22:07Yes.
22:08Oh, well, apparently he's dressed up as a guest.
22:11Well, he is a guest, Major.
22:13Oh, well, your guest is as good as mine.
22:18Hansi has come to get you.
22:31Come.
22:32Shhh.
22:33Got you.
22:35Got you.
22:36All right, thank you.
22:37On the table, please.
22:39Up.
22:40Go.
22:41Yes, sir.
22:42Oh.
22:43Go.
22:44Yes, sir.
22:48Up.
22:49Go.
22:51Yes.
22:56Oh.
22:58Yes?
23:12Filthy habit. The bathroom.
23:14Second on the left.
23:28Ah! Who is it?
23:30It's all right, it's all right.
23:31What are you doing? What are you doing?
23:33Nothing, nothing. I didn't know she was in here.
23:35I just came in to check the walls. Do you mind?
23:37Sorry. I thought she'd go down to the restaurant.
23:39Oh, she's so tired.
23:40No, that's fine. Well, sorry to disturb you.
23:42Oh, bloody walls.
23:44You all right now?
23:45What was that?
23:46What? Nothing, dear.
23:47Why was she screaming? What were you doing?
23:48What's going on?
23:49Nothing. She thought there was someone in her room.
23:51Someone in her room?
23:52Yes, someone in her room.
23:53I'm going to have to charge her a double rent.
23:56What were you doing in there?
23:57Oh, is she all right?
23:59She is all right.
24:01What were you doing in there?
24:03Oh, I'm sorry, Mr. Foley. I didn't realise it was you.
24:06That's all right. That's all right. I'll tell you. Tell you in a moment.
24:08Oh, silly of me. I didn't know it was him.
24:10He came in to check the walls.
24:12To check the walls?
24:15Amber! Amber! Quick! Come on!
24:18Quick!
24:27I thought it was him.
24:28Ah!
24:29We'll see you soon.
24:30Oh, he was.
24:31Oh, sorry.
24:32Ahhh!
24:33Okay.
24:35Oh, boy.
24:36Oh, my God!
24:37Oh, boy.
24:39Oh, boy.
24:44Oh, boy.
24:46You really?
24:48Oh, boy.
24:49Oh, boy.
24:50Oh, boy.
24:51Oh, boy.
24:55Socorro!
25:01Socorro!
25:15El! El! El!
25:17Socorro!
25:19El! El! El!
25:21Socorro!
25:23Basil?
25:26Basil?
25:27Mrs Fawlty, Mrs Fawlty, oh, Mrs Fawlty, Mrs Fawlty, Mr Fawlty.
25:31What?
25:31He hurt, he fall off ladder.
25:33Off a ladder?
25:34Come, come, come, come.
25:35What was he doing off a ladder?
25:37He tried to see girl.
25:39What?
25:39He tried to see in Rome to see girl.
25:41She make him crazy.
25:42Come, come, come.
25:43I see.
25:44I tell him, careful, but he go to see girl, right?
25:53Hello, dear.
25:54I'm just going to, er...
26:02What the fuck?
26:19What in God's name are you doing?
26:21What are you looking at me for?
26:22How dare you?
26:25How dare you?
26:26Have you gone bad?
26:27What's gone into you?
26:28You really don't know?
26:29No, I don't.
26:30What were you doing up that ladder?
26:31Come on.
26:32I was trying to see the girl.
26:33Is that so strange?
26:35Stop hitting me.
26:36Get away from this door and don't you dare try and come in here tonight.
26:46She gone completely mad.
26:48Crazy.
26:49She got crazy.
26:50I mean...
26:51Crazy.
26:52I say to her, you try to see in girl's room.
26:55She go crazy.
26:59What?
27:00I tell her, you got to see girl in room.
27:02You crazy about this girl, okay?
27:04Okay, so, you go up to try to look at her.
27:06And Mrs. Fawlty, she go crazy.
27:08You crazy.
27:09You crazy.
27:10You crazy?
27:11You crazy?
27:12You crazy?
27:13You crazy?
27:14You crazy?
27:15You're crazy.
27:16You're crazy.
27:17You're crazy.
27:18You're crazy.
27:19Now that's how an Englishman would do it, you see.
27:23Now, a German...
27:24A German would go...
27:26No, that's enough for tonight.
27:27All right, we're going with your training in the morning.
27:29Huh.
27:30We're just training in the art of hotel manager.
27:32It's rather interesting, actually.
27:33He's from Barcelona.
27:34And one of the boys...
27:35Sorry.
27:36I missed the door.
27:37Everything all right?
27:38Everything normal?
27:39Yes.
27:40Fine.
27:41Well, I'll leave you to it then.
27:42I mean, to go to bed.
27:43To sleep.
27:44To sleep.
27:45That is.
27:46A chance to dream.
27:47Well, have a good night.
27:48Good night's sleep.
27:49Sleep well.
27:50Good night and you.
27:52Yes, I'm well.
27:53God knows where.
27:55God knows where.
28:04I'll get you, you pilt-down ponce.
28:17Are you all right?
28:18Hmm?
28:19Are you all right?
28:20Yes, right, right.
28:21Come here.
28:22Go on, go on, go on.
28:29Sybil, dear.
28:30What do you want?
28:31Got your tea for you, dear.
28:33Just leave it outside the room.
28:35Yes.
28:36All right, dear.
28:37Yes.
28:38Sybil.
28:39I'm not speaking to you, Basil.
28:42Could I just have my electric razor, dear?
28:43Just for the guests?
28:46Thank you, dear.
28:47Look, look, look.
28:48Please, please.
28:49Let me explain something.
28:50Get your foot out of the door.
28:51Let me explain.
28:52When I said I wanted to look at that girl last night,
28:53I wasn't talking about that...
28:54Ray something.
28:55The Australian girl.
28:56I was talking about the girl in the room next to her.
28:58Basil.
28:59In Johnson's room, Johnson smuggled a girl into his room last night.
29:01That was the one I was trying to get her look at.
29:02Not that Australian hayseed.
29:04Basil, you've had eight heirs to think of something.
29:07Isn't that really the best you can come up with?
29:09You don't believe me?
29:10Oh, go away.
29:11Right.
29:12I'll get it.
29:13I'm going to get it and show it to you.
29:14Yes, you do that.
29:15Right, I will.
29:16Right.
29:17All right.
29:24Come.
29:25Mr. Johnson, do you want your guide back?
29:28Oh, thank you.
29:29Yes.
29:38I'll see you later then.
29:40OK, darling.
29:42Right.
29:43The game's up.
29:47Up there.
29:48The game pie got stuck up there.
29:50Right.
29:51Well, everything back to normal.
29:53Huh.
29:54Enjoy your walk.
30:04There's enough material there for an entire conference.
30:07OK.
30:08OK.
30:09OK.
30:10That's it.
30:11Ah!
30:12What are you doing?
30:13You, jeez, what's going on?
30:14I'm sorry.
30:15I thought you were somebody else.
30:16You scared the hell out of me.
30:17Yes, I'm not.
30:18I'm not.
30:19The wolf is sorry.
30:20You see, there's a girl in there.
30:21And the bloke's up on the way.
30:22All right.
30:23OK.
30:24OK.
30:25OK.
30:26OK.
30:27OK.
30:28OK.
30:29OK.
30:30OK.
30:31OK.
30:32OK.
30:33OK.
30:34OK.
30:35OK.
30:36OK.
30:37OK.
30:38OK.
30:39OK.
30:40OK.
30:41OK.
30:42Just explain to Miss Miles about our little problem.
30:44I'm with the extra guest.
30:45Mr. Johnson's friend.
30:46In six.
30:47Last night.
30:49What's that on your hand, Basil?
30:51What?
30:52Oh, that's some stuff in the cupboard, dear.
30:54Something I knocked over.
30:59Sorry!
31:00I got confused!
31:01What?
31:02Sorry!
31:03I got confused!
31:04Sir!
31:05Sir!
31:06Sir!
31:07Sir!
31:08Look, I'll tell her to go.
31:09Torrance!
31:10Thomas Miles to...
31:11To leave!
31:12Out!
31:13Out!
31:14Right!
31:15Out!
31:16Out!
31:17Excuse me.
31:18I do apologise, but I'm afraid I shall have to ask you to...
31:23Come in!
31:24Sorry to bother you.
31:25I thought I'd better apologise for my husband's behaviour.
31:26No, please.
31:27Really, Mrs. Forty.
31:28He's going through rather a disturbed time at the moment.
31:29No, please.
31:30Look, I don't quite understand.
31:31He does seem a bit woke up about something, but I'm sure there's some quite innocent explanation.
31:36Basil?
31:38Hello, dear.
31:39Just checking the door.
31:40Hello, dear.
31:41Just checking the doors.
31:42Hello, dear.
31:43Hello, dear.
31:44Just checking the doors.
31:45Alright, what's going on?
31:46I was in the bathroom.
31:47Yes, she was, dear.
31:48So I just popped in and have a look at these hinges, you know.
31:49The ones we've been...
31:50Dune in for the second.
31:51You're gone.
31:52Oh, well, I'm sorry.
31:54I'm fine.
31:55Don't I have a warning of the HS file, you're going to have...
31:56No?
31:57No, no.
31:58No, no.
31:59No, no, no, no.
32:00No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
32:01I can't.
32:02No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
32:03I can't, no, no, no.
32:04No, no, no.
32:05No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
32:06No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
32:07all right what's going on i was in the bathroom yes she was there so i just popped in and have
32:15a look at these hinges you know the ones we've been do you really imagine even in your wildest
32:21dreams that a girl like this could possibly be interested in an aging brilliant teen stick
32:27insect like you a girl like who do you this one basil the one you've been chasing ever since she
32:34arrived dear woman have you got out of your mind what are you doing in there look you know the
32:38trouble we've been having with these hinges like what i don't all right if you really want to know
32:41i came to apologize for the incident just now when i thought she was the girl in johnson's room you
32:44remember when i put my hand on the
32:45civil civil civil you think i've got time to listen to any more of your hopeless lily liver jellyfish
32:55lies they are not lies i am trying why can't you be a man if you want to grope the guests why can't
33:01you at least be honest about it without making up some pathetic song and dance shut up oh you've
33:06done it now no i haven't i'm just going to i'm fed up with you you rancorous quaffered old sow
33:12why don't you swing the donuts out of your ear and get some sense into the dormant organ you keep
33:17hidden in that rat's maze of yours there is a woman in that room that johnson smuggled in last night
33:23right that's the woman i've been trying to get called off right right stand there stand and watch
33:29champagne what another bottle of champagne perhaps i thought you said you rather enjoyed
33:39it when you were on the job have you got a screw loose a screw no no it's just that i thought that
33:44i'd rather form the impression that there was someone in the room there with you a female person
33:49perhaps a lady you know an opposite person of the contradictory gender that sort of thing
33:53mrs johnson is in here yes oh of course i should have guessed oh yes of course the little woman eh
34:02the only thing is i i thought you told my wife that you were single i am i see so who's this mrs johnson
34:09then the late president's wife or she's my mother your mother oh i see this uh bit of crumpets
34:20your old mummy is she oh this is rich oh oh mother johnson popped up for a quickie did she may i meet
34:26her certainly mother johnson mother johnson come out come out wherever you are how do you do i enjoy
34:33your sleep yes thank you well i'll get the champagne this calls for celebration
34:47good news
34:47good news
34:59good news
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