- 2 months ago
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00:01So you're... you're sure you'll be all right?
00:03What, Basil?
00:04I said, you're sure you'll be all right.
00:05Will you get me my bed jacket?
00:07Er, bed jacket?
00:09In the drawer, the blue one, in the drawer!
00:13Now, you won't forget the fire deal tomorrow, will you?
00:16No, I won't, dear, no. I can cope, you know.
00:18This one?
00:19That's not blue.
00:21Well, it's got blue things on it.
00:22They're flowers, and I didn't ask for the one with the flowers, did I?
00:25No, you didn't quite right.
00:26No, I only picked that one up to annoy you, actually.
00:28I mean, what have you got a lot of stuff for?
00:31What?
00:32I mean, you're only here three days. You're going to play charades every night?
00:35This one?
00:36Is it blue?
00:37Oh, it's bluish, I suppose.
00:39Now, you will remember to collect the stuff from Thomas', won't you?
00:42Yes, I will.
00:43Oh, and I forgot to scrape the mould off the cheddar this morning, so remind you.
00:47Right.
00:49And do try and find time to get the moosey's head up.
00:52Oh.
00:53It's been sitting there for two weeks, Basil.
00:55Yes, yes, yes.
00:57I don't know why you bought it.
00:59It will lend the lobby a certain ambience, Sybil.
01:01It has a touch of style about it.
01:03It's got a touch of mange about it.
01:05That is not so.
01:06It's got things living in it, Basil.
01:08It's nasty.
01:09It is not nasty.
01:10It is superb.
01:11I'm not going to argue with you, Basil.
01:13Just get it up out of the way.
01:14I don't want to snag any more cardies on it.
01:17And will you get me my telephone book, please?
01:19I mean, it's not as if I don't have enough to do.
01:20I mean, I'm on my own.
01:21The Germans are arriving tomorrow.
01:22It's not till lunchtime.
01:23You can do it in the morning.
01:24I've got the fire bill in the morning.
01:25Well, that only takes ten minutes.
01:27In the bag.
01:28Oh, I thought slavery had been abolished.
01:31Don't you ever think about anybody but yourself?
01:34Oh.
01:35In the bag.
01:36Oh, yes.
01:37In the bag.
01:38Yes, yes.
01:39Let me do it.
01:40How are you?
01:41I've got a fun way to lime creams.
01:43I am actually about to undergo an operation, Basil.
01:46Oh, yes.
01:47How is the old toenail?
01:49Still growing in?
01:50Hmm?
01:51Still burrowing its way down to the bone?
01:52Still macheting its way through the nerve?
01:54Eh?
01:55Nasty old nail.
01:57It's still hurting, if that's what you mean, Basil.
01:59Well, it'll be out in the morning, poor little devil.
02:01I wonder if they'd mount it for me just real tight.
02:05I'm sure it's worth asking.
02:06You could hang it on the wall next to the moose.
02:08They'd go rather well together.
02:09Uh-huh.
02:10Ah, there you are.
02:11Come along.
02:12Out you go.
02:14Oh, were you talking to me?
02:15I'm sorry.
02:16I thought there was a dog in here.
02:17Oh, no.
02:18No dogs in here.
02:19I wouldn't bet on it.
02:20Oh, no.
02:21Not allowed.
02:22Now, come along.
02:23You're in the way.
02:24Uh, Fawlty's the name.
02:25Mr. Fawlty.
02:26Let's sit you up with it.
02:27Thank you, sister.
02:28Now, pop that under your tongue.
02:31You still here?
02:32Apparently.
02:34The doctor's coming.
02:35My God!
02:36A doctor?
02:37I mean, here in the hospital.
02:38Whatever can we do?
02:40You can leave.
02:42Why do they call you, sister?
02:43Is it a term of endearment?
02:45No.
02:46Now, look, Mr. Fawlty.
02:47I'm not going to ask you again.
02:48Presumably you wouldn't mind if I said goodbye to my wife.
02:50She is under the knife tomorrow.
02:51It's an ingrowing toenail.
02:53Oh, you know, do you?
02:54Well, that'll help.
02:55Take care now.
02:56And if you can think of any more things for me to do, don't hesitate to call.
03:01Finished.
03:02Just.
03:03Thank you so much.
03:04Not at all.
03:05Charmed, I'm sure.
03:06In-growing toenail, right foot.
03:07You'll find it on the end of the leg.
03:09Bye-bye, dear.
03:10Bye-bye, dear.
03:14Mr. Fawlty?
03:15Yes, sir.
03:16Dr. Fulney.
03:18Oh, oh, how do you do, doctor?
03:19You've just seen your wife.
03:21Yes, yes, just saying goodbye.
03:22Well, au revoir.
03:24Yes.
03:25Well, it is a very simple operation.
03:27But it would be quite painful afterwards.
03:29With it?
03:30With it?
03:31Oh, dear.
03:32Just for a time.
03:33But please, don't worry.
03:34No, well, I'll try not to.
03:36Quite, er, quite painful.
03:38Yes.
03:47Evening, Major.
03:48Evening, Fawlty.
03:49Hampshire One.
03:50Did it?
03:51Oh, isn't that good.
03:52How splendid.
03:53Oh, Fawlty, um, er...
03:54How's...
03:55How's...
03:56My wife?
03:57Oh, that's it.
03:58Fine.
03:59Absolutely fine.
04:00They're taking it out tomorrow morning.
04:01Is she?
04:02Good.
04:03No, not her.
04:04The nail.
04:05They won't have operated till tomorrow.
04:06What?
04:07The nail.
04:08How did she get a nail in her?
04:10No, I thought I told you, Major.
04:11No, she's having a toenail out.
04:13What?
04:14Just the one of them?
04:15Well, it's an ingrained one, Major.
04:16Oh, well, if it's causing you pain, you have it out.
04:19Exactly.
04:20So, I'm on my own now.
04:21Start running this place properly.
04:22Ah, so you're on your own, are you?
04:24Apparently, er...
04:25Well, she won't be away for long, will she?
04:27No, no, no, no.
04:28Not unless it's a serious mistake.
04:29Ah, you've always got Elsie in, have you?
04:31Sylvia?
04:32Who?
04:33Elsie.
04:34Was she, er...
04:35She left a couple of years ago, Major?
04:36Funny.
04:37I thought I saw her yesterday.
04:38No, I don't think so.
04:39She's in Canada.
04:40Strange creatures, women.
04:42Well, can't stand around all day...
04:44I knew one once.
04:46Spanky-looking girl.
04:47Tall, you know.
04:48Evolved with a banker.
04:49Really?
04:50Don't remember the name of the bank.
04:52Well, don't mind.
04:53I, I, I must have been keen on her because, er...
04:56Because I took her to see, er...
04:58India!
04:59India?
05:00At the Oval.
05:02Fine match.
05:04A marvellous finish.
05:05Now, Sunny had to get 33 in about a half an hour
05:08and she went off to, er, power, er, borrow hands or something.
05:11Women, er...
05:13Never came back.
05:14What a shame.
05:15And the strange thing was that throughout the morning
05:18she kept referring to the Indians as niggers.
05:21No, no, no, no, no, I said.
05:24Niggers are the West Indians.
05:26These people are wogs.
05:28Oh, no, no, no, she said.
05:31All cricketers are niggers.
05:33They do get awfully confused, don't they?
05:35They're not thinkers.
05:36I say it with Sybil every day.
05:37I, I do wish I could remember her name.
05:39She's still got my wallet.
05:41As I was saying, no capacity for logical thought.
05:44Who?
05:46Women.
05:47Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes.
05:48I thought you meant Indians.
05:50No, no, no, no, no.
05:51Wasn't it Oscar Wilde who said they have minds like Swiss cheese?
05:54What do you mean, hard?
05:56No, no, full of holes.
05:58Eh?
06:00Indians?
06:01No, no, women.
06:02Oh.
06:03Yes, can we help you?
06:05Hello.
06:06You see, three years at college, she doesn't know the time of day.
06:08Oh, er, about, about two minutes to six.
06:11What are you looking for?
06:12My German book.
06:13Oh, we got some Germans arriving tomorrow morning, Major.
06:15So, er, Polly's brushing up another one of her languages.
06:18Oh, Germans?
06:19Coming here?
06:20Oh, er, just for a couple of days, Major.
06:22I, I, I don't care much for Germans.
06:24Well, I know what you mean, but, er...
06:25Bunch of cruts!
06:26That's somebody!
06:27Oh, all of them!
06:28Bad eggs!
06:29Well, yes, forgive and forget, Major.
06:31I mean, er...
06:32God knows how the bastards do.
06:34I'd better put the moose up.
06:36Well, you've got to love them, I suppose, haven't you?
06:39Germans?
06:40No, no, no, no.
06:41Women.
06:42I hate Germans.
06:43Love women.
06:45What about German women?
06:47Good card players.
06:49But, mind, I wouldn't give them time of day.
06:52Found it.
06:54I don't know what you're bothering with that for.
06:56Well, they said some of them didn't speak English.
06:57Well, that's their problem, isn't it?
06:59I don't know why she's going to complicate everything.
07:02Ugh!
07:03Got her cardie, did you?
07:13Hi, Joe!
07:14Nearly six o'clock, Vauldy!
07:16Is it?
07:17Yes, well, when you're ready, er...
07:19Might have other fruit juice or...
07:21Yes, well, I'll open up the moment I've done this, Major, yes?
07:24No, no, no immediate hurry.
07:26There.
07:27Drunken old sod.
07:30Polly!
07:33Polly!
07:37Manuel!
07:38Oh...
07:45Yes, Fawlty Towers, hello?
07:47I was just doing it, you stupid woman.
07:50I just put it down to come here to be reminded by you to do what I'm already doing.
07:54I mean, what is the point of reminding me to do what I'm already doing?
07:57I mean, what is the bloody point?
07:58I'm doing it, haven't I?
08:00Yes, yes, I picked it up, yes.
08:03No, no, I haven't had a chance yet.
08:05I've been at it solidly ever since I got back.
08:07Yes, I will, yes.
08:10No, I haven't yet, but I will, yes.
08:12Yes, yes, I know it is.
08:13Yes, I'll try and get it cleared up.
08:14Anything else?
08:15I mean, would you like the hotel moved a bit to the left or...?
08:17That's right, well, enjoy the operation, dear.
08:20Let's hope nothing goes wrong.
08:22I wish it was an ingrowing tongue.
08:26Yes!
08:28Oh, it's the admirable Crichton, well...
08:31Uh, you called, son.
08:32Last week, but not to worry.
08:35Oh, Buddha.
08:36Look, uh, go and get me a hammer.
08:39Uh, como?
08:40Hammer.
08:41Hammer?
08:42Oh, a hammer sandwich!
08:43Oh, do I have to go through this every time?
08:46Look, a hammer!
08:48My hamster?
08:49No, not your hamster!
08:50How can I knock a nail in with your hamster?
08:52Well, I could try.
08:53No, it doesn't matter.
08:54All right, I'll get it.
08:55You come here and tidy.
08:56You know tidy?
08:57Oh, tidy.
08:58Yes, I'll get hammer and hit you on the head with it.
09:01Hammer, hammer.
09:03How are you, sir?
09:05You see, I speak English well.
09:07I learn it from a book.
09:10Hello.
09:11I am English.
09:13Hello.
09:16How are you, sir?
09:22I can speak English.
09:27Oh, hello, Major.
09:28How are you today?
09:33I'm fine, thank you.
09:35It's a beautiful day today.
09:38Is it?
09:39Oh, yes, yes, I suppose it is.
09:41Yes, I can speak English.
09:45My lord, it's Robbie Poo.
09:47Did you?
09:48Did you?
09:49Oh, there you are, Fawlty.
09:51Yes, I'm just going to open up, Major.
09:53Oh, fine.
09:54I say, that's a remarkable animal you have there, Fawlty.
09:58Where did you get it?
09:59Samson's in the town.
10:01Really?
10:02Well, what was it expensive?
10:04Er, twelve pounds, eh?
10:05Good Lord.
10:07Japanese, was it?
10:11Canadian, I think, Major.
10:12I didn't know the Canadians was clever as that.
10:15Thank God.
10:17It started early.
10:22Holly?
10:23What's that smell?
10:24Flowers.
10:25I just got them from the garden.
10:26Well, what are you stinking the place out with those for?
10:28What's up with the plastic ones?
10:31Being ironed.
10:35Oh, will you answer that, please?
10:36I'm trying to put this up.
10:38Fawlty Towers.
10:40Oh, hello, Mrs. Fawlty.
10:41I'm doing it!
10:42I'm doing it now!
10:43Tell her I'm doing it now!
10:45He says he's doing it now.
10:46How's the nail?
10:47I wish it was this one.
10:48There.
10:49Tell the Tyrant Queen her cardies are safe forever.
10:53Mr. Moose is up!
10:55It's done.
10:56Done.
10:57Done.
10:58It's up.
11:02It's down again.
11:04Did you do anything wrong now?
11:05Give it to me!
11:06Give it to me!
11:08No, he just fell over Manuel.
11:10And he seems to have got himself jammed over the swivel chair.
11:13And the flowers have just fallen on him.
11:16No, everything else is fine.
11:17It's fine.
11:18Ah!
11:19Ah!
11:20Right.
11:22He's up.
11:23Good.
11:24Up.
11:25Up.
11:26Pacing.
11:27Very good.
11:28Right.
11:29Good.
11:35He's good.
11:36He's good.
11:38Oh, Watties.
11:43Right.
11:44Well, go on.
11:45Get back to your work.
11:46Good morning.
11:47Good morning.
11:48Good morning.
11:49You know there's a fire drill in a few minutes, do you?
11:53No.
11:54No, we didn't.
11:55You hadn't read the notice?
11:56No.
11:57Right.
11:58Well, when you hear the bell, if you'd be so kind as to get out for a few moments, we have
12:00to clear the building.
12:01Thank you so much.
12:02Look.
12:03Mr. Fawlty, you know it's nearly twelve.
12:04Yes?
12:05Well, the fire drill.
12:06Yes, I hadn't forgotten.
12:07You know, I just told somebody I can't cope.
12:09I mean, you know what you're doing, do you?
12:11Help get people out of the bedrooms upstairs.
12:13While learning two oriental languages, yes.
12:15Mr. Fawlty?
12:16Yes?
12:17Who else is doing the upstairs?
12:18Only you.
12:19It doesn't take a moment.
12:20Yes, but I'm only here at mealtimes.
12:21So?
12:22Well, what happens if there's a fire when I'm not here?
12:24Who does the upstairs then?
12:26Well, we'll worry about that when we come to it, shall we?
12:28What's the panic?
12:29There's always going to be an argument about everything.
12:31PHONE RINGS
12:32Hello?
12:33Fawlty Towers?
12:34Oh, what is it now?
12:36Can't you leave me in peace?
12:38Yes, yes, we're just going to have it.
12:40I hadn't forgotten.
12:41Yes, I know.
12:42I know I need the key.
12:44It's on the top of the...
12:45Well, where is it?
12:47Well, what you put it in there for?
12:49Nobody's going to steal it, are they?
12:51Yes, I know that you know, but I don't.
12:54Yes, yes, I do now.
12:56Thank you so much.
12:57Why has she got to complicate it?
12:58I put something down, I know where it is,
13:00so she has to come along and move the damn thing
13:02so that I can't find it where it is.
13:04PHONE RINGS
13:05Well, what'd she put that on?
13:06Oh, I might forget.
13:07PHONE RINGS
13:08Sorry, sorry, Major.
13:09Only the burglar alarm.
13:10What?
13:11Sorry, Miss Tibbs.
13:12What?
13:13That was the burglar alarm.
13:14The fire drill's not for a couple of minutes.
13:15Sorry.
13:16Excuse me.
13:17Her drill's full here.
13:18No, no.
13:19My wife left the...
13:20Excuse me.
13:21Yeah?
13:22Sorry, that wasn't the fire bell.
13:23Sorry, that was just the...
13:24It's at 12 o'clock, but not yet.
13:25But it is 12 o'clock.
13:26Well, not quite.
13:28Excuse me.
13:29Yes?
13:30Will I make it 12 o'clock?
13:31I'm afraid that wasn't the...
13:32What time do you make it, Major?
13:33Look...
13:34Burglar's about...
13:35It doesn't matter what time he makes it.
13:36It hasn't started yet.
13:37What?
13:38It hasn't started yet.
13:39But that was the bell, wasn't it?
13:40No.
13:41He means the drill hasn't started yet.
13:43What drill?
13:44We didn't hear a drill.
13:45No, no, no.
13:46Look.
13:47That was the burglar alarm.
13:48See?
13:49The burglar alarm.
13:50Yes.
13:51No, no.
13:52What's the matter with you all?
13:53It's perfectly simple.
13:54We have the fire drill when I ring the fire bell.
13:56That wasn't the fire bell, right?
13:58Well, how were we supposed to know that wasn't the fire bell?
14:00Because it doesn't sound like the fire bell.
14:02It didn't.
14:03It didn't.
14:04No, it didn't.
14:05The fire bell is a different set.
14:06It's a semitone higher.
14:07A semitone?
14:08At least, anyway, the fire drill doesn't start till 12 o'clock.
14:12It is 12 o'clock.
14:13Well, it is now, but that's because we've been standing about arguing about it.
14:17Look.
14:18How on earth can you expect us to tell which bell is which?
14:21Oh.
14:22We haven't heard them yet, have we?
14:24You want to hear them?
14:25Right.
14:26Suits me.
14:27Here's the burglar alarm.
14:28Ought we to catch them first?
14:29There aren't any.
14:30Then why does the alarm keep going?
14:32All right.
14:33Got that?
14:34Right.
14:35What's happening now?
14:36Now, here's the fire bell, right?
14:38It's a completely different sound.
14:40Listen.
14:44But where are you going?
14:45Well, there is a drill, isn't there?
14:47No, no, no, no, no, no.
14:49This is so that you can hear the bell so you know in a moment when I ring the bell.
14:53What are you doing?
14:54Will you come back?
14:55We're going offline.
14:57No, just listen to it, you old fool.
15:00Listen to it.
15:01Fire!
15:02Fire!
15:03Everybody out!
15:04No!
15:05Will you shut up?
15:06Oh!
15:07Will you shut up?
15:08It's not fire.
15:09It's only bells.
15:10Where are you going?
15:11Upstairs.
15:12There isn't a drill yet.
15:13I'm just showing them what the bell sounds like.
15:16Now, will you go in there?
15:17Go help ship.
15:18Ship not here.
15:19Well, go and go and start the ship.
15:20Ship, yes.
15:21When bells go, I don't understand.
15:22Come on.
15:23No fire, only practice.
15:24Tell him, Polly.
15:26Thank you, ladies and gentlemen.
15:27Thank you so much.
15:28Perhaps they're upstairs.
15:29What have we now?
15:32Now...
15:33We're having it!
15:34Now, are we all agreed on what the fire bell sounds like?
15:39Yes.
15:40Splendid.
15:41Well, now that's settled, we'll have the fire drill, which will commence in exactly
15:45thirty seconds from now.
15:46Thank you so much.
15:53What are you doing?
15:56I mean, are you just going to stand there?
15:58Well, what do you suggest?
15:59Well, couldn't matter two of you go in the bar and a few in the dining room.
16:02I mean, use your imagination.
16:03What?
16:04Well, this is supposed to be a fire drill.
16:06There's only a few seconds.
16:08Right, right.
16:09Well, stay where you are.
16:10Because obviously, if there was a fire, you'd all be standing down here like this in the lobby,
16:14wouldn't you?
16:15I don't know why we bother.
16:16We should let you all burn.
16:17Oh, no.
16:18No!
16:20Oh, no.
16:21No, no.
16:22No, please.
16:23No, no.
16:24No, no.
16:25Uh!
16:40No, no, no!
16:43No, no!
16:44No, there aren't any, Major.
16:45It went off by accident.
16:46Oh, come on, and join us.
16:47Oh, thank you.
16:48Thank you so much.
16:49Fire, fire, fire, fire.
16:52No, no.
16:53Yes.
16:53Yes, yes.
16:54Will you get back in there?
16:56Yes, yes, no, no.
16:59Shut up.
16:59I mean, just get over there.
17:00Please, Mr. Ross, it's fire.
17:02Did you hear what I said?
17:03No, but it's fire.
17:04It's no fire.
17:05It's only drill.
17:06It's fire, it's fire, it's fire.
17:08It's no fire.
17:13It's no fire.
17:15Everybody's not upset.
17:16No man will listen to none of the other.
17:18There is no fire.
17:23Well, I will keep the fire apart.
17:25It's happening for another six months.
17:26Why do we bother you?
17:27Will you shut up?
17:31Thank you, ladies and gentlemen.
17:32Come back in now.
17:33Oh, that's fine.
17:35Never heard of it.
17:36I love you.
17:38I've had it.
17:39Shut up.
17:40Yes, I will.
17:43Have you told to have a bunch of cheddar?
17:45Oh.
17:45Forty, Mr. Forty.
17:46Yes.
17:46It's an awful round.
17:48Yes, I know.
17:48It's a right, right, all the other.
17:51Thank you so much for poking a nose in what I'm doing.
17:55I can't...
17:55If you don't know this, I'm...
17:57You're saying you're...
17:58Right, ladies and gentlemen,
18:04could I have everyone down here in the lobby?
18:07Oh, yes, sorry.
18:09Sorry.
18:09Sorry to disturb you like this,
18:11but there is something that I think I ought to mention.
18:14I'm not quite sure how this has happened
18:17at this hotel before,
18:20and I'm not quite sure how it's started now.
18:22What is it?
18:23Well, the point is,
18:24can I put it this way?
18:28Fire.
18:29What?
18:30Fire.
18:31F-f-f-f...
18:32Fire.
18:33Fire.
18:34Fire.
18:35Where?
18:35Fire, now.
18:36Fire.
18:37Fire.
18:38Fire.
18:39Fire.
18:41Fire.
18:41Fire.
18:43What are you laughing when you're laughing?
18:45What?
18:45Look at your boss.
18:46What?
18:46Look at your boss.
18:47Right.
18:48Right.
18:49Right.
18:50Where's the key?
18:51Where is the...
18:52I mean, would you believe it?
18:53I mean, would you believe it, the first time we've ever had a fire here
18:57in this hotel and somebody's lost the key!
19:00I mean, isn't that typical of this place?
19:02Oh, thank you, God! Thank you so bloody much!
19:07What?
19:18Hello!
19:19Thank you, thank you!
19:21I'm out of the door!
19:23Where are you?
19:25Where are you?
19:27Where are you?
19:29Here, I'm out of the window!
19:31Pull! Pull, Dad! Pull!
19:35Guys, open the door!
19:37Yes!
19:39Yes!
19:41Oh, thank you!
19:43Oh, thank you!
19:45Oh, thank you!
19:47Thank you!
19:53Oh!
19:55Oh!
19:57Oh, no...
19:58Can't wait a...
19:59Waiter
20:13Well, thank you for coming to see me
20:18Oh, not at all. I was just feeling the fire it's all fire
20:24It's out. There's not much. Oh my god. Where is it? What are they? What are you doing?
20:28Gotta get back. Gotta get back. Basil, will you get back into bed?
20:31What is it now?
20:33I'm going to call someone if you don't get back into bed.
20:35Listen, Simor, please. I'll handle this if you don't mind.
20:38Now, what sort of a room do you want?
20:40Basil!
20:41I can't stand around chattering all day. I gotta get back.
20:44Basil, you are not well. The doctor says you've got concussion. You must rest.
20:48I'll rest when I get to the hotel.
20:50I've just spoken to Polly. They are managing personally.
20:52Do you know what that fire extinguisher did? It exploded in my face.
20:56I mean, what is the point of a fire extinguisher?
20:58It's just there for months, and when you actually have a fire,
21:01when you actually need the bloody thing, it blows your head off.
21:04I mean, what is happening to this country? It's bloody Wilson.
21:09That's a lot of noise.
21:10Now, what are you doing out of your bed?
21:12I'm going home, thank you so much.
21:14Yes, well, we'll let the doctor decide that now, shall we?
21:16No, let's not.
21:17Now, come along.
21:18Don't touch me. I don't know where you've been.
21:19Yes.
21:20We must have out of your jokes.
21:22Yes, we must, mustn't we?
21:24My God, you're ugly, aren't you?
21:29Basil?
21:30Hmm?
21:31I'll get the doctor.
21:32You need a plastic surgeon, dear, not a doctor.
21:34Don't talk to a sister like that. Get back into bed.
21:38You've not seen her realise that I'm needed at the hotel!
21:41No, you're not. It's running beautifully without you.
21:43Polly cannot cope!
21:45Well, she can't fall over waiters, or get herself jammed under desks,
21:48or start burglar alarms, or lock people in burning rooms,
21:51or fire fire extinguishers straight in her own face.
21:53But I should think the hotel can do without her sort of coping for a couple of days.
21:56What do you think, Basil?
21:58What?
21:59Oh, hello, Doctor.
22:00Out of bed, Mr Forty?
22:01Ah, sort of.
22:02Oh, there they are.
22:03Well, better get back into bed.
22:05Feel a little bit woozy.
22:06You will for a time, Mr Forty.
22:08You will.
22:09Yes, quite, quite.
22:11You should get as much rest as you can.
22:13As much rest as you can.
22:15As much rest as you can.
22:16As much rest as you can.
22:18Oh, I'm so good.
22:19Oh, I'm so good.
22:20I'm so good.
22:21Oh, I'm so good.
22:24Oh, dear.
22:25Oh, dear.
22:26Oh, dear.
22:27Oh, dear.
22:41Oh, dear.
22:42Oh, dear.
22:43Oh, dear, The Lady, could you tell me when the dessert is served, please?
22:45Oh, my God.
22:46Five minutes?
22:48Thank you very much.
22:49Oh, dear.
22:51Manuel?
22:55Oh, Mr Forty!
22:57Ah, good evening.
22:58Are you all right now?
22:59Perfectly, thank you. Take this to the room, please, dear.
23:01Are you sure you're all right?
23:03Perfectly, thank you. Right as rain.
23:11You OK?
23:12Fine, thank you, dear. You go and have a lie down.
23:15OK?
23:16Ah, there you are. Will you take my case?
23:18How did you get there?
23:20What?
23:21Oh, never mind. Take it. Take it upstairs.
23:23OK?
23:24Take it. Take it.
23:25I go get Polly.
23:26I've already had one. Take it. Take it now.
23:29God, the people I have to deal with...
23:32Pressen Sie Deutsch.
23:34I beg your pardon?
23:36Entschuldigen Sie bitte. Kennen Sie Deutsch pressen?
23:39I'm sorry, could you say that again?
23:41You speak German?
23:43Oh, German! I'm sorry, I thought there was something wrong with you.
23:46Oh, of course!
23:48German!
23:50You speak German?
23:51Well, a little. I get by.
23:53Ein bisschen.
23:54Ah, wir wollen ein Auto-Meeten.
23:56Well, why not?
23:57Bitte.
23:58Yes, a little bit tricky. Would you mind saying it again?
24:00Please.
24:01Could you repeat? Amplify?
24:03Yes, yes.
24:04Wir.
24:05Wir, yes. Well, we'll come back to that.
24:06Wollen.
24:07Wollen.
24:08Voluntary?
24:09Ein Auto-Meeten.
24:10Auto?
24:11Auto?
24:12Oh, I see. You're volunteering to go out to get some meat.
24:15Not necessary. We have meat here.
24:19We have meat here in the building!
24:22Oh, Polly, just explaining about the meat.
24:30Oh, we weren't expecting you.
24:32Oh, weren't you? They're Germans. Don't mention the war.
24:34I see.
24:36Well, Mrs Fawlty said you were going to have a rest for a couple of days, you know, in the hospital.
24:40Ible hands get in the way of the devil's work, Fawlty. Now...
24:44Right, well, why don't you go and have a lie down and I can deal with this?
24:47Yes, yes. Good idea. Good idea, Elsie. Yes. Bit of a headache, actually.
24:51We don't think you're well, Mr Fawlty.
24:53Well, perhaps not, but I'll live longer than you.
24:57You must have hurt yourself.
24:59My dear woman, a blow on the head like that...
25:03...is worth two in the bush.
25:05Oh, you know. But it was a nasty knock.
25:08Mmm, would you like one?
25:09Next, please.
25:11Are these Germans, too?
25:13Oh, yes, but I can...
25:14Right, right. Here's the plan.
25:15I'll stand there and ask them if they want something to drink before the war.
25:20Before their lunch.
25:23Don't mention the war.
25:25Can we help you?
25:42Are you speaking English?
25:43Of course.
25:44Ah, wonderful!
25:45Wonderful!
25:46Ah!
25:47Please allow me to introduce myself.
25:49I am the owner of Fawlty Towers.
25:51And may I welcome your war?
25:53Your war?
25:54You war?
25:55You war?
25:56And hope that your stay will be a happy one.
25:59Now, would you like to eat first?
26:00Or would you like a drink before the war?
26:03Need that!
26:04Our trespasses will be tied up with piano one.
26:07Sorry! Sorry!
26:08No trouble with your leg!
26:10Oh, God!
26:11Such a shrapnel in the war!
26:12Korean!
26:13Korean!
26:14More sorry than Korean!
26:15Hmm?
26:16Thank you. We will eat now.
26:17Oh, good!
26:18Please, do allow me.
26:19May I say how pleased we are to have some Europeans here now that we are on the continent?
26:23Can I speak to Dr Finn, please?
26:25I didn't vote for it myself, quite honestly.
26:27But now that we're in, I'm determined to make it work.
26:29So I'd like to welcome you all to Britain.
26:31The place is grilled, but that doesn't matter.
26:32There's life in the old thing yet.
26:33Wait a moment.
26:34Got a bit confused there.
26:35Oh, yes.
26:36The place is grilled.
26:37In fact, the whole room's a bit warm, isn't it?
26:38I'll open a window.
26:39Have a look.
26:40And the veal chop is done with rosemary.
26:43Funny.
26:44Thought you'd go to Canada.
26:46And it's delicious and nutritious.
26:48In fact, it's vealy good.
26:50Vealy good.
26:51The veal is good.
26:52Yes, doesn't matter.
26:53Doesn't matter.
26:54Never mind.
26:55May we have two ex-marnaces?
26:56Certainly.
26:57Why not?
26:58Why not indeed?
26:59We're all friends now, eh?
27:00A prawn cocktail.
27:01All in the markets together.
27:02The whole difference is forgotten.
27:04And no need at all to mention the war.
27:06Sorry.
27:07Sorry.
27:08What was it again?
27:09The prawn cocktail.
27:10Oh, prawn.
27:11That was it.
27:12When you said prawn, I thought you said war.
27:13Oh.
27:14Oh, the war.
27:15Oh, yes.
27:16Completely slipped my mind.
27:17Yes, I've forgotten all about it.
27:18Hitler, Himmler and all that.
27:19Oh, yes.
27:20Just like that.
27:22Sorry.
27:23What was it again?
27:24A prawn cocktail.
27:25Oh, yes.
27:26Leave a prawn.
27:27Yes.
27:28And Goebbels.
27:29I hardly remember at all.
27:30And then pickled haig.
27:31Herman Goring.
27:32Yes, yes.
27:33And Bon Ribblechops.
27:34That was another one.
27:35And four cold meat salads, please.
27:37Certainly.
27:38Well, I'll just get your hors d'oeuvres.
27:39Hors d'oeuvres, which must be abandoned at all times without question.
27:43Sorry.
27:44Sorry.
27:45Sorry.
27:46Will you please call your wife immediately?
27:47Sim off.
27:48Sim off.
27:49She's in the hospital, you silly girl.
27:50Yes, call her there.
27:51I can't.
27:52I've got too much to do.
27:53Listen.
27:54Don't mention the war.
27:55I mentioned it once, but I think I got away with it, all right.
27:58So, it's all forgotten now, and let's hear no more about it.
28:01So, that's two egg mayonnaise, a prawn Goebbels, a Herman Goring, and four cold meat salads.
28:07Now, wait a minute.
28:08I got a bit confused here.
28:09Sorry.
28:10I got a bit confused because everyone keeps mentioning the war.
28:12So, could you...
28:13What's the matter?
28:14It's all right.
28:15Is there something wrong?
28:16Will you stop talking about the war?
28:18Me?
28:19You started it?
28:20We did not start it.
28:21Yes, you did.
28:22You invaded Poland.
28:23Here's your chair, girl.
28:26You'll like this one.
28:27There's this woman.
28:28She's completely stupid.
28:29She'd never remember anything.
28:30And her husband's in a bomber over Berlin.
28:33Oh, sorry.
28:34Sorry.
28:35Yeah, yeah.
28:36She'll love this one.
28:37She'll laugh at...
28:38Leave her alone.
28:39No, this is a street.
28:40I mean, I've never seen anyone not laugh at...
28:41Look, she'll love it.
28:42She's German.
28:44No, Mr. Paul.
28:45What?
28:46Do Jimmy Cagney instead.
28:47What?
28:48Jimmy Cagney.
28:49Jimmy Cagney?
28:50No, you're dirty right.
28:51I can't do Jimmy Cagney.
28:53Please try.
28:54I'm gonna go...
28:55Shat up.
28:56Okay, watch.
28:57Who's this then?
28:58Stark you by the...
29:02I'll do the funny walk.
29:04You're gay!
29:13Stop it!
29:14I'm trying to cheer her up, you stupid crout!
29:19Funny? Not funny? You're joking!
29:23It's not funny for her, not for us, not for any German people.
29:26You have absolutely no sense of humour, do you?
29:29This is not funny!
29:31Oh, and the bloody war, anyway!
29:34Mr Fawlty, you'll be all right. Come with me.
29:37Fine.
29:44Oh, he hit me on the head!
30:01No, you hit him on the head!
30:04You naughty moose!
30:07How ever did they win?
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