Category
😹
FunTranscript
00:00Mr. Wright, before apropos and a vis-a-vis your demonstration safety,
00:28introduce, allow me, to Cheryl, my assistant personal new.
00:33Assistant personal, Mr. Mayor. Blimey, that's posh.
00:37I'm an IVP, Mr. Wright.
00:40An important very person.
00:43And important very people have assistants personal.
00:47Do I know you, Cheryl? I'm sure we've met.
00:49Doubt it. Maybe. Whatever.
00:53I met you, though. You're the Q-nutter.
00:55Actually, Cheryl, on the previous occasions we met,
01:00I held the moral high ground.
01:02But I really think you might put the unpleasantness behind you.
01:06Not the first time you've heard that, I'll bet.
01:08Thank your pardon?
01:09Inappropriate. I've read the leaflet.
01:12Don't forget our dance practice tomorrow lunchtime, Mr. Mayor.
01:15Yes, well...
01:17Cha-cha-cha.
01:18Please proceed, Mr. Wright. Right, Mr. Proceed, please.
01:22Pleasure with, Mr. Mayor, pleasure with.
01:24Witness Citizen A,
01:27a hypothetical member of our pavement-using community.
01:33Malika, if you will.
01:37As you can see,
01:40Citizen A perambulates our notional pavement without mishap.
01:46Let us consider Citizen B, Clive, if you will.
01:50Uh, don't neglect to check for any hardened or lumpy protrusions in your trousers.
01:59Actually, I do have a lumpy protrusion in my trousers.
02:02I ensure that all our officers carry a mag-light torch, Mr. Mayor,
02:10the health and safety officer's friend.
02:13In your own time, Clive.
02:15Ah-ha, ah-ha, ah-ha.
02:18Oh, no!
02:19I've tripped!
02:20Ah!
02:22Citizen down!
02:24Citizen down!
02:25Close the road!
02:27Chopper in paramedics!
02:29Offer counselling!
02:30Announce an inquiry!
02:32No, no, please don't be alarmed.
02:37This is actually a secure demonstration,
02:42an assessment, risk-safe enactment,
02:47acronymically,
02:49an A-R-S-E
02:53for heightened observation of levels of endangerment.
03:02H-R-L-N.
03:07So what you're looking at here is an arsehole.
03:12Let us analyse the contents of my arsehole.
03:17What we ask is the essential difference
03:22between Citizen A,
03:24who perambulates our notional pavement in perfect safety,
03:29and Citizen B,
03:31who fell into conjectural heavy traffic
03:35and is now being hypothetically airlifted
03:39to a speculative spinal unit.
03:43Citizen B an idiot is?
03:45Shoe laces.
03:47Citizen A has them securely tied.
03:51Citizen B has them trailing.
03:54Conclusion?
03:55Shoe laces can kill.
03:59All shoelaces sold in Basil Rickey
04:02should carry a clear safety warning,
04:06plus we urgently action
04:08a district-wide shoelace awareness campaign
04:12urging the public to get knotted.
04:17Team, with me?
04:20Why don't you all get knotted?
04:23Nudicrous warnings, signs, shoelaces on,
04:27I will sanction no such ordinance,
04:29no such ordinance sanction will I.
04:32A long chair will come.
04:34You're nutters.
04:37Don't forget our dance rehearsal, Mr Mayor.
04:40Tomorrow lunchtime.
04:41I'm bringing in my frock.
04:43Cha-cha-cha.
04:43And at the full change.
04:56No, switch your feet.
04:59Oh, do the 12.
05:00Well done, girls.
05:04I reckon if we keep at it,
05:06you're going to be fine at the big ballroom night.
05:09Have you told your dad yet?
05:10No, not yet.
05:11It's going to be a surprise.
05:13I'm seeing it as totally a good rehearsal
05:14for our bridal darts if we ever get married.
05:17We've been together nearly a year now, you know, Mum.
05:19Oh.
05:20A whole year since I first saw you
05:22lying there, staring up at me.
05:24From under your mum's toilet.
05:26With a ball cock in your hand.
05:27Which is sort of ironic, really.
05:30Yeah, well, you two.
05:33Just keep practising, eh?
05:34You've only got two weeks.
05:36I'd better be off now, though.
05:37I don't want your dad to catch me.
05:39Rushing back to Kyle, eh?
05:41Yes, I am, Sue.
05:43We're going to have a couple of hours of tantric
05:44before calling the midwife.
05:47Dharavi!
05:49You know we're totally going to need
05:50spangly dresses for this dance, don't you?
05:52I suppose.
05:53Although I don't know how we're going to afford them.
05:55Are we seriously broke, babes?
05:57Well, we will be if I get fined
05:58at this personal injury tribunal.
06:01Unless I get a DJ gig.
06:03Yeah, absolutely, of course.
06:06You see, even you don't believe in me anymore.
06:08You're just like those mean girls
06:10I went to school with who are trolling me.
06:11Don't say that.
06:12Of course I believe in you, babe.
06:14You'll make your fortune in the end.
06:16It's just until then we have to adopt a budget.
06:18That's all.
06:19Really?
06:21That sounds a bit weird.
06:23Are you sure that'll help?
06:24We need to adopt a budget and be really, really strict with it.
06:28Sozzers, I just don't think that's going to work.
06:30I had one when I was a kid and they respond to kindness.
06:33Also, seeds and nuts.
06:35A budget, Vic.
06:37Not a budgie.
06:40Oh.
06:40Gerald, could I have a moment?
06:45It's just, I'll be bringing my Yvonne to the ballroom now, as usual.
06:49And I was wondering if you'd mind giving me a few dance tips.
06:52My Yvonne says she wishes I danced like you do.
06:55Well, I don't really dance anymore, Clive.
06:58But I suppose I could give you a tip or two.
07:00How about we give it a go tomorrow lunchtime?
07:02Oh, that'd be brilliant.
07:04My Yvonne would be ever so grateful.
07:06She says if I ever went on strictly,
07:08Craig Revel Hallward would pull me straight off.
07:10I really do not get economics.
07:16In fact, I don't believe anybody does.
07:20Just because you don't get something, Vic, doesn't mean nobody else does.
07:23They so obviously don't, though.
07:25Like, on the news when there's been a crash
07:27and they're calling it Black Monday or Crap Tuesday
07:30or Oh My God Wednesday
07:33and they're saying they've lost £10 trillion.
07:36Yeah.
07:38Has anything actually happened?
07:41Question mark.
07:42What do you mean?
07:44They've lost £10 trillion?
07:46No, I mean anything actually.
07:48Like, has all the yummy food disappeared from M&S?
07:51Or has TK Maxx, like, totally evaporated?
07:54Or have all the fields and factories disappeared to a parallel universe?
07:57No.
07:58No.
07:58No.
07:59Boom, your face!
08:01Nothing has actually happened.
08:04And yet somehow, overnight,
08:06they've managed to lose £10 trillion.
08:09How do you lose £10 trillion?
08:12Well, they...
08:12Are they thinking back on their day?
08:15Have they checked behind the back of the couch?
08:17It wasn't actually £10 trillion, Vic.
08:21Not like in coins.
08:22It's a notional value based on share confidence.
08:25There was never any real physical money.
08:27Then why do they care if they've lost it?
08:30Well, because...
08:31How did they made it up in the first place?
08:33Why didn't they just make up some more?
08:35Well, they do, as it happens.
08:37It's called quantitative easing.
08:38Which, oh, my good, totally sounds like a laxative.
08:43Look, the value of things isn't based on what they actually are, Vic,
08:46but on how traders and bankers feel about them.
08:49Well, then why don't they just ask some more cheerful people?
08:52I'd do it and say, oh, my good, everything's amazing.
08:55Vic, it's complicated.
08:57You don't get it either.
08:58I do.
09:00Sort of.
09:01At least I know it's got nothing to do with budgies.
09:03Evening, girls.
09:07And since you asked, no, I did not have a good day.
09:12The mayor dismissed me out of hand.
09:15Not your shoelace campaign.
09:17He knocked back getting knotted.
09:19It really is disheartening.
09:22Every day, year in, year out,
09:25I'm in that office beavering away.
09:28You wish.
09:31Vic, beavering doesn't mean what you think it means
09:33in this context.
09:34Oh, sozzers.
09:37And yet I'm no closer to my dream
09:39than on the first day I put on a hard hat and fluoros.
09:44Your own safety warning.
09:45Yes, Sue.
09:48The health and safety officer's holy grail.
09:52Me own personally authored safety warning
09:55printed out and stuck to a product.
09:58I want to make me mark.
10:02Like the bloke who put
10:05contains bleach on the bleach bottles.
10:10Warning, concealed sharp objects on Swiss army knives.
10:16Those men were heroes.
10:22Visionaries.
10:23They identified a previously unlabeled risk
10:28and they labelled it.
10:30You'll get there in the end, Dad.
10:33We keep under faith, big man.
10:36Thank you, girls.
10:37That means a lot to me.
10:40But I shouldn't be banging on about my troubles
10:44with the problems you're having
10:45with your plumbing business, Susan.
10:47You didn't tell me you were having problems
10:49with your plumbing business.
10:51I'll pick up some cranberry juice and yoghurt.
10:54He's talking about me being taken to a tribunal, Vic.
10:58And I hope you know how proud I am of you, Sue.
11:03And whatever happens,
11:05there'll always be a room
11:07and a mini magnum here
11:09for you and Victoria
11:11as long as you need it.
11:13Boom!
11:14Full door, you big munting, innit?
11:15You make me brief, isn't I?
11:18What a cruel mudsuck swagger.
11:20Mean in, Victoria.
11:21Thanks, heaps.
11:22You're so sweet.
11:24Well, I'm being selfish, really.
11:26It's lovely to have you girls around.
11:28I'm not quite ready to live on me own yet, I'm afraid.
11:32Miss Mum a lot, don't you, Dad?
11:35Every day, Susan.
11:38You don't just walk away
11:40from a 23-year marriage.
11:42She did.
11:45Just saying.
11:49Walked away
11:50with a younger, fitter man.
11:55And as if to rub salt
11:57into the open wound
11:59of me encroaching middle age,
12:02the NHS say
12:03they want to check me prostate.
12:06So now I've got to be
12:07digitally probed
12:09by a complete stranger
12:10in a public facility.
12:13I know a couple of guys
12:14who say that was a perfect night out.
12:16Well, different strokes
12:18for different folks, eh?
12:20Yeah.
12:20I think that's the attraction.
12:22And forward
12:26and back
12:27and turn.
12:29Very good, Clive.
12:31Now,
12:32the clasp
12:33is all about passion.
12:36The gentleman
12:36pulls the lady towards him.
12:39So you want me to
12:40pull you towards?
12:41That's right, Clive.
12:42Lead with your hips.
12:44Groin
12:45and groin.
12:47Groin
12:48and groin.
12:49Can you feel
12:50the passion, Clive?
12:52Groin
12:53and groin.
12:54Can you feel it
12:56in your body?
12:57Yes, Gerald.
12:59Actually,
12:59I can feel it.
13:01In fact,
13:01I think we'd better
13:02stop now.
13:05Clive,
13:06that's me torch.
13:15Blimey, Malika.
13:17Dance practice
13:18with the mayor.
13:20You look lovely.
13:21Tell me something
13:22I don't know,
13:22big boy.
13:25And rehearsing
13:26in full rig,
13:28really going
13:29the extra mile
13:30for the big
13:30ballroom night.
13:31Well,
13:32with you and
13:32Valerie out of the way,
13:33it's bound to be
13:34our year.
13:37There you go.
13:40Ready for our
13:41dance rehearsal,
13:42Mr Mayor?
13:42Yes,
13:43well,
13:43busy,
13:44rather,
13:45am I,
13:45perhaps another,
13:46um,
13:47er...
13:47Come on, Len.
13:48If I'm going to get you
13:49up to counter-standard,
13:50you'll have to pull
13:50your finger out.
13:52Oh,
13:53hello.
13:54What's going on here?
13:56God help us,
13:56it's a boob off.
13:58Where's my clever phone
13:59when I need it?
14:00I know who you are.
14:04You're a cha-cha-cherel.
14:06South-east Essex
14:07cha-cha-chump.
14:08Four years straight.
14:09You got a problem?
14:11No,
14:11you have love.
14:12He's my partner.
14:13That's not what he says.
14:15Is it, Len?
14:18Len?
14:19Yes,
14:20er,
14:20well,
14:20along come,
14:22Cheryl,
14:22rehearse,
14:23must we?
14:25Cha-cha-cha.
14:27Oh!
14:38Well done!
14:39Girls are really pleased.
14:41Oh,
14:41I'd better be off now.
14:42I don't want to bump
14:43into Gerald
14:43and give the game away.
14:45He's going to be late.
14:46He texted me to say
14:47he's meeting a woman
14:47for a coffee after work.
14:49He wouldn't be that
14:50malica,
14:51would it,
14:51by any chance?
14:52What if it was?
14:53I always thought
14:54he fancied her
14:54at the big ballroom nights.
14:55He used to keep
14:56trying to press her
14:57to a cheesy nibble.
14:59I do know
15:00he admired her man bones.
15:02It certainly
15:02wasn't her dancing.
15:04Ouch!
15:05Boom!
15:05Give that bitch
15:06a saucer of milk.
15:09Pot of tea for two?
15:12You see malica?
15:14I do see Gerald.
15:16Is there anything wrong, sir?
15:17Yes,
15:18miss,
15:18that teapot
15:19is made
15:20entirely of metal.
15:21Metal
15:22is an efficient
15:23conductor of heat.
15:24And tea
15:24is hot.
15:25Do you see
15:26where we're going here?
15:28Can I get you
15:29anything else?
15:29Yes,
15:31you can get me
15:31a bandage
15:32and some
15:33savlon
15:34for when I lose
15:34all the skin
15:35on me hand
15:35trying to
15:36pour myself a cup.
15:38Another danger
15:39in need
15:40of a warning.
15:44Oh,
15:44yes,
15:44it's a pot
15:46avoiding spout.
15:47When the pot
15:48is tilted,
15:49the tea
15:49goes straight
15:50down the side
15:51and all over
15:51the table.
15:52They have
15:52them in
15:52service stations.
15:54The entire
15:54motorway system
15:55is awash
15:56with tea.
15:56They can
15:57do
15:57keyhole
15:58surgery
15:59on the
15:59ventricles
16:00of the
16:00heart
16:01via
16:01microscopic
16:02incisions
16:03made in
16:04the belly
16:05button,
16:05but they
16:06cannot get
16:07the tea
16:07from the
16:08pot
16:08into the
16:08cup.
16:09I know
16:10it's dripping
16:10all over
16:10the floor.
16:11A simple
16:11spillage
16:12is turning
16:12into a
16:13trip
16:13hazard.
16:14Textbook,
16:14we are
16:14just one
16:15misstep
16:16away
16:16from
16:17spinal
16:17injuries.
16:19Stand
16:19back,
16:19everybody.
16:20We have
16:21a spillage.
16:22Miss,
16:23where are
16:23your yellow
16:24markers?
16:24What?
16:25To secure
16:26the area,
16:27every business
16:28where liquids
16:29are deployed
16:30is required
16:31by statute
16:32to carry
16:32yellow
16:33collapsible
16:33trestles
16:34depicting
16:35a man
16:35falling over
16:36in a
16:36triangle.
16:37Where are
16:37yours?
16:38I thought
16:38they only
16:38had them
16:39in supermarket
16:39aisles.
16:40Yes,
16:41because that
16:41would make
16:42sense,
16:42wouldn't it?
16:43Because a
16:43broken neck
16:44is so much
16:45more serious
16:45in a supermarket
16:46aisle than
16:47it is when
16:47you're having
16:47a coffee.
16:48Where are
16:49your yellow
16:50markers
16:50depicting
16:50a man
16:51falling
16:51over
16:51in a
16:51triangle?
16:52I don't
16:53know.
16:54I'll just
16:54mop it
16:55up,
16:55shall I?
16:55Just mop
16:56it up?
16:57Just mop
16:58it up?
17:00And while
17:00you're just
17:01mopping up
17:02an area
17:03of wet
17:03floor which
17:04you have
17:05failed to
17:05secure with
17:06yellow
17:07markers
17:07depicting
17:07a man
17:08falling
17:08over in
17:09a triangle,
17:10a small
17:10child,
17:12a granny,
17:13or a member
17:14of our
17:15specially
17:15sighted
17:16community,
17:17slips,
17:18bounces over
17:19the cash
17:19till and
17:20is decapitated
17:22on the
17:22bacon slicer.
17:24What?
17:24I never
17:24thought...
17:25No,
17:26people never
17:27do,
17:28miss.
17:29Fortunately
17:30for you,
17:30the council
17:31is here to
17:32do your
17:32thinking for
17:33you.
17:34Mop!
17:34The area
17:40is now
17:41secured,
17:41miss.
17:42You may
17:42proceed to
17:43mop with
17:44caution.
17:45I want a
17:45hat!
17:46Oh,
17:47get it
17:47me out!
17:49I must
17:50say,
17:50Malika,
17:51the way
17:51we're
17:52dealing
17:52with this
17:53emergency
17:53could be
17:54recorded
17:54for a
17:55training
17:55film.
17:56We make
17:57a terrific
17:58team.
17:59Well,
17:59that's why
18:00I suggested
18:00we have
18:00this coffee,
18:01actually.
18:02Because we
18:02work so well
18:03together,
18:04in unison,
18:06synchronised,
18:07almost like
18:09dancers.
18:11I want
18:12you for
18:12the ballroom
18:13night.
18:14You see,
18:15a member
18:16of the
18:17specially
18:18sighted
18:18community
18:19has slipped
18:20on the
18:20spinach
18:21caused
18:21by an
18:21inadequate
18:22spout.
18:23No,
18:23he didn't,
18:23he tripped
18:24over your
18:24triangle.
18:27So,
18:28we'll rehearse
18:28tomorrow evening,
18:29then?
18:30Oh,
18:30we could
18:30start right
18:31now,
18:31big boy.
18:32Pardon?
18:33Oh,
18:36Gerald,
18:37I must
18:37say,
18:38you've
18:38still got
18:39the passion.
18:39Yes,
18:40Malika,
18:40I do,
18:40I have
18:41the passion.
18:42Although,
18:43for the
18:44record,
18:46that's
18:47my
18:48mag-lite.
18:54Girls,
18:54I've got
18:55news,
18:56I'm gonna
18:56dance at
18:57the ballroom
18:58night after
18:59all,
18:59I'm taking
19:00Malika.
19:01Where'd it go,
19:02big guy?
19:03What is
19:03that baby's
19:04heart?
19:05This is
19:06all about
19:07dancing.
19:08Look,
19:09I bought
19:11myself a
19:11new
19:12dancing
19:12shirt.
19:13Brilliant.
19:14Let's see it on,
19:14then.
19:15Let's see it on.
19:15All in good
19:16time,
19:17Susan.
19:19You will
19:20get
19:20a full
19:23display.
19:25Just let me
19:26get me
19:26metal detector.
19:27metal detector?
19:31Pins,
19:32Susan,
19:33pins.
19:35With
19:35new shirts,
19:37constant
19:38vigilance is
19:39required.
19:40No matter
19:41how many
19:42you take
19:43out,
19:44there's
19:45always
19:46one left
19:47to
19:48spear you
19:50in the
19:50nipple.
19:51Believe
19:52me,
19:53I learned
19:53the hard
19:54way.
19:54I was
19:55once
19:55impaled
19:56on a
19:57British
19:57home
19:58store's
19:58cotton
19:58and
19:59acrylic
19:59semi-formal
20:00sports
20:00casual.
20:02Nasty
20:03business
20:03led to
20:04a septic
20:05nipple.
20:10Quick
20:11buzz
20:12with the
20:12detector.
20:13all
20:19clear.
20:23Oh,
20:24this is
20:25beautiful.
20:26I love
20:27a bit of
20:28faux
20:28satin.
20:30There's
20:31nothing like
20:32the
20:33feel
20:35of
20:35stretch
20:37rayon
20:38blend
20:38double-knit
20:40fabric
20:41clinging
20:42to the
20:43contours
20:44of the
20:44navel.
20:46Blimey!
20:48I missed
20:49one!
20:50You had it
20:51set to
20:52semi-precious
20:52dad.
20:53Pins are
20:54made of
20:54steel.
20:55And now
20:56I've got
20:56blood on
20:57it.
20:57Oh,
20:58it'll dry
20:58clean.
20:59There's
20:59that four-hour
21:00place by
21:00the town
21:01hall.
21:02Hang
21:02on,
21:02though.
21:04Oh,
21:04my
21:05sainted
21:06blimey.
21:07This is
21:07it.
21:08What?
21:09Don't
21:09you see?
21:10Pins,
21:11girls?
21:12Pins?
21:13This is
21:14what I've
21:15been waiting
21:15for.
21:16An
21:16unidentified
21:17risk
21:18in need
21:19of a
21:20warning.
21:22The
21:23holy
21:23grail
21:24has
21:25stabbed
21:25me
21:26in the
21:26nipple.
21:29Let's
21:29see the
21:30mayor say
21:31no to
21:31this
21:32one.
21:33The
21:33mayor
21:34knocked
21:34back
21:35me
21:35new
21:35initiative.
21:36No
21:37nipple
21:37is
21:38safe.
21:38The
21:39man's
21:39a
21:39menace.
21:40Him
21:40and his
21:40slapper.
21:42And look,
21:42the danger
21:43is everywhere.
21:44This
21:44cleaning
21:45ticket is
21:46attached
21:46with a
21:47concealed
21:47pin.
21:49And now
21:50I don't
21:50know what
21:51to do
21:51with it.
21:51I haven't
21:51got my
21:52sharps
21:52box.
21:53Give it
21:53here.
21:55Right.
21:56Now,
21:57let's
21:57dance.
22:01Me
22:01in Val
22:02always
22:02used to
22:03warm
22:03up
22:03with
22:03a
22:03two-step.
22:04You're
22:04not
22:05dancing
22:05with her
22:05now,
22:05Gerald.
22:06You're
22:06dancing
22:06with me.
22:07And I
22:08want to
22:08feel your
22:08torch.
22:15Oh,
22:16lovely
22:17girls.
22:18Let's
22:18have a
22:19glass of
22:19wine.
22:19That
22:19should
22:20loosen
22:20the
22:20cha-cha.
22:21Won't
22:21you
22:21Debbie
22:21back
22:22soon?
22:23No.
22:23Guess
22:23what?
22:24He's
22:24rehearsing
22:25too.
22:25Right
22:26now with
22:27Malika.
22:27They're
22:28going to
22:28dance
22:28together
22:28at the
22:29ballroom
22:29night.
22:29But she
22:30dances
22:30with
22:30the
22:30mayor.
22:31The
22:32mayor
22:32dumped
22:32her.
22:33Really?
22:34I never
22:35knew he
22:35had that
22:35much
22:36taste.
22:37You're
22:37not
22:37jealous,
22:38are
22:38you,
22:38mum?
22:38Jealous?
22:40Of course
22:40I'm not
22:40jealous.
22:42He's
22:42single
22:43now.
22:43Mum,
22:44do you
22:44love
22:44Kyle?
22:46Love
22:46him?
22:47Well,
22:47I certainly
22:49love being
22:49with him.
22:50Do you
22:50think he
22:51loves
22:51you?
22:51Well,
22:52he
22:52certainly
22:53things.
22:54Duh.
22:55Kyle's
22:56in love
22:56with a
22:56guy.
22:57A guy
22:57called
22:57Kyle,
22:58mum,
22:58and no-one
22:59will ever
22:59be able
23:00to compete
23:00with him.
23:01Oh,
23:01I had
23:01noticed
23:02that when
23:02we're...
23:03He does
23:04like to
23:04shout
23:05his own
23:05name.
23:07Come
23:07on,
23:08Kyle!
23:10We
23:10made a
23:11sex tape
23:11the other
23:12day.
23:12You
23:13never.
23:13Oh,
23:14don't worry,
23:14love,
23:14I'm not
23:15in it.
23:17He
23:17made me
23:18hold
23:18the
23:18camera.
23:19And
23:23one,
23:24two,
23:25three,
23:26one,
23:26two,
23:27three.
23:28Now,
23:28at this
23:29point with
23:29Valerie...
23:30Gerald,
23:31so far,
23:32you've told me
23:32how Valerie
23:33did the
23:33rumba,
23:34the jive,
23:35the single
23:35swing,
23:36the hustle
23:36and the
23:36lindy.
23:37Maybe you
23:38want to
23:38tell me
23:38what she
23:38used to
23:39wear as
23:39well.
23:39Well,
23:40normally
23:40she used
23:41to wear
23:41a glitter
23:42bit,
23:42but sometimes
23:43a solid
23:44slinky.
23:45Gerald,
23:45I want
23:47to ask
23:47you
23:47something.
23:49Why did
23:49you buy
23:49me that
23:49scarf for
23:50my birthday?
23:52Well,
23:52um,
23:53because I
23:54thought it
23:54would be
23:54nice.
23:55Do you
23:56want to
23:56know why
23:56I think
23:57you bought
23:57it?
23:58And why
23:58you agreed
23:59to dance
23:59with me
23:59when I
23:59asked you?
24:00Why?
24:01Because
24:01you're
24:01trying to
24:02find a
24:02way to
24:02get over
24:03Valerie.
24:03No,
24:04no,
24:04really.
24:04Because you
24:05still love
24:05her.
24:05No,
24:06Malika,
24:06honestly.
24:06You do.
24:07And I
24:08know these
24:08things because
24:09I'm a very
24:09spiritual person.
24:11How
24:11comes a
24:12handmaiden
24:12to the
24:12goddess
24:13luxury.
24:14You still
24:14love her
24:15and you
24:15don't want
24:16to dance
24:16with anyone
24:16but her.
24:17And you
24:17know what?
24:18I don't
24:18think you
24:18should dance
24:19with anyone
24:19else,
24:19either.
24:20Really?
24:21Because when
24:21you dance
24:22with Valerie,
24:22you have
24:22poetry in
24:23motion.
24:24And when
24:24you dance
24:24with me,
24:25to be
24:25frank,
24:26you're
24:26crap.
24:29It's
24:29just not
24:29going to
24:29work out,
24:30Gerald.
24:31I can't
24:31dance with
24:31a man
24:32who's
24:32dancing with
24:33another
24:33woman while
24:33he's
24:33dancing with
24:34me.
24:39Good day,
24:40Dad.
24:40Not
24:41really.
24:41As it
24:41happens,
24:42the mayor's
24:43called a
24:43disciplinary
24:44meeting for
24:44tomorrow
24:45morning,
24:46Malik has
24:46dropped me
24:47and what's
24:48more,
24:48I have
24:48just
24:49tricked over
24:49a highly
24:50dangerous
24:51kerb
24:51outside and
24:52me mag
24:53light's
24:53gone down
24:54the drain.
24:55I've
24:56lost me
24:56torch.
24:57Malik has
24:58dropped you?
24:58Why?
24:59Because I'm
25:00not over
25:00Valerie and
25:01she knew
25:02it.
25:03Boom,
25:03west side,
25:04soon come
25:04eyes one
25:05mad sick
25:06girl.
25:06What?
25:07Me got
25:07me
25:07bashy
25:08bashment.
25:09Me be
25:09chatty
25:10with
25:10you and
25:10they say
25:11come
25:11soon,
25:12mash up
25:12me
25:12dog,
25:13make
25:13some
25:13fierce
25:13noise.
25:15Kill me
25:15dead
25:15your eyes,
25:16licking
25:16licking
25:16foot.
25:17You've
25:17got
25:17a gig
25:18at the
25:18local
25:18youth
25:18club.
25:19Yes.
25:20How did
25:20you know
25:21that?
25:24Shoe
25:24lates
25:24is
25:25dangerous,
25:26pins
25:27lethal
25:27concealed,
25:29this
25:29department
25:30a stock
25:30laughing
25:31is
25:31becoming.
25:32Notice
25:33give
25:33I,
25:34Mr.
25:34Right,
25:35no more
25:35ludicrous,
25:36spurious,
25:37so-called
25:38initiatives,
25:38safety,
25:39tolerate will
25:40I.
25:41That is
25:41all and
25:42all is
25:43that.
25:44That's
25:45a nice
25:45shirt you
25:45wearing,
25:46Mr.
25:46Mayor.
25:46I chose
25:47it.
25:48It's his
25:48new dance
25:49shirt.
25:49Always
25:50wear I
25:50new shirts
25:51in,
25:51Mrs.
25:51Marhart,
25:52to ensure
25:53movement
25:53sufficient
25:54in the
25:55arms
25:55thereof.
25:57Oh,
25:57look,
25:57there's a
25:58smut on
25:58your shirt.
25:59Let me.
26:01No!
26:03Nipple
26:03mine!
26:05Pain
26:05stamping
26:06in
26:06nipple
26:06mine!
26:09It's
26:09a pen!
26:10I hope
26:10he's had
26:11a tetanus
26:11shot.
26:12Even
26:12the tiniest
26:13prick
26:13can be
26:13dangerous.
26:14As the
26:16actress said
26:16to the
26:17boy scout,
26:17inappropriate,
26:19I know.
26:20That is
26:21a new
26:21shirt.
26:22You left
26:23a pin in
26:23there.
26:24You've been
26:24stabbed by a
26:26concealed sharp
26:26object.
26:27Why weren't
26:28you warned?
26:32Point proven,
26:34I think,
26:34Mayor,
26:35mister.
26:35it seems
26:38shirts
26:38dangerous
26:39are
26:40all
26:40after.
26:52Hello!
26:54What are
26:54you two up
26:55to?
26:56Well,
26:56we didn't
26:57want to
26:57tell you,
26:58but Mum's
26:59been giving
26:59me and Vic
27:00dancing
27:00lessons.
27:02Me working
27:02me Foxy
27:03Cha-Cha
27:03with me
27:03bushy
27:04bushy
27:04drop
27:04legs.
27:06We were
27:06going to
27:07surprise you
27:07by dancing
27:08at the
27:08ballroom
27:08night,
27:09but the
27:09thing is,
27:10since you
27:11haven't got
27:11a partner
27:11anymore,
27:12we thought
27:13it'd be
27:14nice if I
27:15danced
27:15with you.
27:16Only if
27:17you'd like.
27:18Oh,
27:19Susan,
27:20that would
27:20be wonderful.
27:22I can't
27:23think of
27:23anything I'd
27:24like more.
27:26I'll get it.
27:28It's very
27:29sweet of you
27:30to lend me
27:30your partner,
27:31Victoria.
27:32Well,
27:32I'm totes
27:33busy mixing
27:33my fat
27:34beats
27:34for my
27:34debut
27:34gig.
27:35So excited.
27:37It's
27:38Malika from
27:39work,
27:39Dad.
27:40I had to
27:40rush round
27:41Gerald.
27:42They've
27:42arrived.
27:43I picked
27:44this one
27:44up on
27:44the high
27:45street.
27:46Warning,
27:47this shirt
27:48may contain
27:49pens.
27:52Blimey.
27:54Me own
27:54personally
27:55authored
27:56safety warning.
27:58Look,
27:58girls,
27:59me dream
27:59came
28:00true.
28:01And I
28:02owe it
28:02all to
28:03you,
28:03Malika.
28:04Well,
28:05I told
28:05you I'd
28:06find
28:06somewhere
28:06to stick
28:07that
28:07dry
28:07cleaning
28:07pin,
28:08didn't
28:08I?
28:09Nobody
28:10dumps
28:10mambo's,
28:11Malika,
28:11ma-ha.
28:13Thank
28:14you.
28:15Thank
28:16you.
28:17This
28:18is the
28:19greatest
28:20day of
28:21my
28:21career.
28:24Come
28:24here,
28:24you.
28:27Oh,
28:28Gerald.
28:28I can
28:29still feel
28:29that
28:29torch.
28:38Welcoming
28:38Michael
28:39McIntyre
28:39on stage,
28:40Jason
28:40Manford.
28:41He's
28:41live at
28:42the
28:42Apollo
28:42next,
28:43here on
28:43BBC One.
28:44MUSIC
28:44MUSIC
28:54MUSIC