00:00All right, Stan? All right, Norman?
00:21I'm not.
00:22Male maintenance person entering female lavatory area.
00:25I can't cope with them stairs.
00:28They're good for your stairs.
00:29They were on news last night.
00:30There was this woman.
00:31She was 104 and she could still get into a pair of Levi's.
00:33Oh.
00:34It took two people to button them up for her, but even so.
00:37No, this is like a phobia.
00:39I get panicky.
00:40What, on stairs?
00:41I fell off a diving board in Guernsey, you know.
00:44I can't stand on coconut matting either.
00:46You didn't get help for that, couldn't you?
00:47Oh, I haven't got time.
00:48I'm building an extension.
00:50Are you all right, Stan?
00:51Did you have a nice weekend?
00:52I did, Brent.
00:52I got my carpet tax organised, finally.
00:55Did you?
00:56Well, I bet you'd imagine they were standardised, hadn't you, carpet taxed?
00:59Yeah.
00:59They're not.
01:01I had to laugh in the end.
01:02They're variations in length.
01:04Can you put a boiler on for me, Stan?
01:06Now, the trays and the docket, they don't exactly tally.
01:10Why?
01:10What have I not got?
01:11You've got your white sliced, you've got your brown, you've got your rolls, you've got
01:14your French sticks and you've got your pitters.
01:17Yeah.
01:17But you haven't got your granary torpedoes.
01:20Why have I not got my granary torpedoes?
01:22We didn't all get put on Van.
01:23I weren't there.
01:25This were Glenda.
01:26Oh, just sign it, Brent.
01:27I've got an itchy bum.
01:34Yeah, but Norman, I can't sign saying I've had granary torpedoes if I haven't had granary
01:38torpedoes.
01:39That'd be like a bridge over the River Kwai, that, wouldn't it?
01:41Eh?
01:42Well, it'd be like Kim Novak in Vertigo.
01:44You know, living a lie.
01:44Have you never seen Vertigo?
01:49Seen it?
01:50I've got it.
01:52Alec Guinness.
01:53Very erect.
01:54In Bridge over the River Kwai?
01:56And what's that one with Stanley Holloway?
01:57Lavender Hill mob.
01:58Oh, and he runs down all the steps of the Eiffel Tower.
02:01Oh, I couldn't watch that.
02:02Running down steps, oh, it'd put me back years, that would.
02:06I'd hyperventilate.
02:07Could you not watch it with the paper bag?
02:09Morning.
02:12Anyone for a gangbang?
02:14We haven't got any granary torpedoes.
02:16I've given you loaves in loo.
02:17Have you?
02:18Go on then, your sauce box.
02:19This were Glenda.
02:20Oh, we're on toilet.
02:21Blummin' cold, Brent.
02:22Eh?
02:23And when's Glenda coming back on her round?
02:25Are you all right, Brent?
02:26Did you get any?
02:27What?
02:28At the weekend, did you get any?
02:29Any sex?
02:30No, I had to go to Laundra.
02:36Did you, Tony?
02:37Hollow flipping laughter.
02:39Do you want me to bruise, Dan?
02:40Defo.
02:40Oh, you've got your overall on.
02:43Is it so much to ask Brent for you to walk around in your bra for five minutes?
02:47Yes, it is.
02:48Do you think Big Glenda would give us a flash?
02:50Not after you said she looked like desperate Dan.
02:54He's starting to look very attractive to me, is Dan?
02:57What do you want?
02:58Girl in a wet T-shirt.
03:00Coffee.
03:02It's been a bit slow, this.
03:03Eh?
03:04Shouldn't be.
03:04I've had the plug off.
03:06Hi, Anita, are you?
03:08Anita.
03:08Do you fancy a bunk-up just to get me brain going?
03:13Is a bunk-up a hammock?
03:15It's Monday.
03:19Do you have a nice weekend?
03:20Coming to temp now.
03:22Who's me bins?
03:23Hmm.
03:23I went to a craft fair.
03:25I got one of those coat hangers with the goggly eyes.
03:27Did you?
03:28Hello.
03:29Coat hanger, goggly eyes.
03:30Well, it's a coat hanger and it's got goggly eyes on it.
03:35What are we doing about our torpedoes?
03:38Let's start with nothing.
03:39Morning.
03:40Morning.
03:40Hi, Dolly.
03:41Morning, Jean.
03:42What's wrong with Delilah?
03:43I have no objection to the song.
03:46It was just Tom Jones squatting on the front of the TV Times in those swimming trunks.
03:51Red?
03:55No idea.
03:57Are we a quorum?
03:59Any chance of getting any blooming work done?
04:00Twinkle's not here.
04:01It's only Monday.
04:03Still the weekend for her.
04:05She'll be sat in a cab somewhere throwing up.
04:07Corn on the cob?
04:09We're not still on Tom Jones' swimming trunks.
04:13The wedding.
04:14Sit down, a running buffet.
04:16How do you cope, Jean?
04:18I don't.
04:19This has been twitching since September.
04:21Dolly, what day is it for you?
04:22Full fat, semi-skimmed?
04:24Full fat.
04:24I'll treat myself.
04:26Oi, Twinkle.
04:27What?
04:28You don't come to work in your overall, do you?
04:30All right.
04:31Can you scrotum on?
04:36OK.
04:37Finally.
04:38Twink, you're on the sink.
04:39Thanks, a bag roll.
04:41Dolly on sarnies.
04:42There's no torpedoes, so don't come knocking on my door saying,
04:45where's the torpedoes, because there aren't any.
04:47Bren up the counter and...
04:48Oh, sort yourselves out.
04:51Bren, I'm having a fag.
04:53If he phones about the salad cream, tell him...
04:55Tell him you're having a fag?
04:56Yeah.
04:58Shut the door!
05:00Hey, did you see that film on Sunday?
05:02On Sky?
05:03No, on real telly.
05:04Dirk Bogart.
05:05Oh, because on Sky there was this film about this woman whose husband died in this avalanche.
05:11And two years later she finds his sperm in the freezer and gets pregnant with a turkey based on it.
05:16Hey, that sounds good.
05:31Based on a true story.
05:33Do I go?
05:35So she's been distraught for years because they haven't had any children.
05:39She should have cleaned her freezer out a bit, morrow.
05:41So why did she not use her husband's sperm to get pregnant?
05:49She did.
05:50Well, you said she got pregnant with a turkey based on it.
05:54It's a little rubber.
05:55Oh, I thought it were a job turkey based on it.
05:59Yeah, because all the lesbians have them now, don't they?
06:05Do they?
06:05Oh, yeah, they were in paper.
06:06Did you not read it?
06:07They get the sperm off the internet.
06:15Bung it into a turkey based on it, like Dolly says.
06:17Nine months later, Bob's your uncle.
06:18That is your...
06:19And are they vegetarians, lesbians?
06:25Eh?
06:26I wondered if it went together like traffic wardens liking Nilsa Darker.
06:32Do you mean Humphrey Bogart?
06:35Oh, I love him.
06:36We've got him at home on a jigsaw.
06:40Have you never seen his films?
06:41No, we haven't even finished his raincoat yet.
06:44It's given me four bloomers here, that Norman.
06:50Doctor in the house, that's what Dirk Bogart was in.
06:52Twink.
06:53So, Dolly, this sperm,
06:55was she just clearing out the freezer
06:56and there it was under the Arctic rule?
06:59More or less, yes.
07:01Does Dirk Bogart come down some stairs
07:03on an aspicul trolley going on?
07:06No, that's Jim Dale.
07:11That's carry-on, nurse.
07:12Doctor in the house has got in with posh voice.
07:14Donald Sindan,
07:15they did that thing with that Welsh one
07:16from It Ain't Off Hot Mum.
07:17What do you mean, hot mum?
07:18Well, they're all sweaty.
07:19Yeah.
07:20Who's all sweaty?
07:21The soldiers in the jungle.
07:23They have little vests on.
07:24Little sweaty vests.
07:25Steady on, Brent.
07:27Can we have a calm, civilised atmosphere, please?
07:29Can we not pollute a food preparation area
07:31with talk of little sweaty vests?
07:33Tony,
07:34not only has Norman not given us our torpedoes,
07:37he's left us all these crusty bloomers.
07:40LAUGHTER
07:40Look,
07:45if we're not allowing sweaty vests into the conversation,
07:48we're certainly not dwelling on Norman's crusty bloomers.
07:51I'm trying to describe who Dirk Bogart is.
07:55Have you never seen Death in Venice?
07:56Is that the dwarf in the duffel car?
07:59No,
08:00that's not back in anger.
08:03LAUGHTER
08:03Come on, girls, shift it.
08:05Would this be a good moment
08:06to talk about Scottish country dancing?
08:09LAUGHTER
08:09No, it wouldn't.
08:13LAUGHTER
08:13Who the heck was that?
08:16Hello?
08:17Twink,
08:18is that toaster hot?
08:20It's only warm.
08:21Oh, slip,
08:21not again.
08:22Where's Stan?
08:22Anita?
08:23Are you nearly open?
08:24In a minute!
08:25I'm going off!
08:26Anita,
08:27is Stan outside?
08:28Outside?
08:29Yeah, you know,
08:29not inside.
08:31Where's the Stan who works here?
08:33Twink,
08:33is he doing his fins?
08:34Chuck a box at him.
08:36Hello!
08:37The toaster's on,
08:38Blank!
08:39OK.
08:40Just tell him to come up.
08:41Put a piece there,
08:42cos it is warm.
08:43Warm toast,
08:44it's like blooming...
08:45Warm salad.
08:46Oh, you can have warm salad.
08:48It's quite a she-she starter.
08:50Think of that for the wedding,
08:51Jean.
08:52With Keith's family,
08:53last bid wedding,
08:54his Auntie Dot ate a coaster.
08:56No.
08:57No.
08:57How is that?
08:59His Auntie Dot from Cockermouth
09:01ate a raffia drinks coaster.
09:03She thought it was a high-fibre biscuit.
09:12She had to be held back
09:13from moving down the table
09:14and buttering two more.
09:17Stand back.
09:18Emergency toaster maintenance
09:20coming through.
09:21Keep well clear, please.
09:22Can I order my toast now?
09:24I've got to fax Tokyo.
09:25Hang on.
09:27Ha.
09:28Got it.
09:29That's it.
09:30Coming to tent now.
09:31Get those shutters up.
09:33Let's feed the faces a full.
09:36Can I have 12 rounds of white, please?
09:39You can, actually, yeah.
09:40It's been a bit touching,
09:41uh, thingy-bob,
09:41but, yeah,
09:4212 rounds of white.
09:43Let's do it.
09:48Soup.
09:50No, it has to be cold,
09:51the first course.
09:53Smoke mackerel patty.
09:54What about me vegetarians?
09:56Melon.
09:56Melon balls.
09:58Daintier.
09:59Who's vegetarian on Keith's side?
10:01He's Auntie Margo.
10:03She won't eat anything with her face.
10:07She could have the melon balls.
10:09What?
10:10She won't eat anything with her face,
10:11but she'll eat someone with balls.
10:14Mum?
10:16No.
10:18Why?
10:19Judy can't wear a sash.
10:26Have you seen these sex tuplets in the paper?
10:29She actually chose to have six babies.
10:32It's technology gone mad.
10:34Yeah, but it's handy, though, isn't it?
10:36Like if you wanted to have the Nolan sisters in a hurry.
10:40Cos that poor woman,
10:41Mrs Nolan, I suppose,
10:43she must have been giving birth for years
10:44before she got any decent ironies up and running.
10:48I like the Nolan sisters.
10:49They were a nice mixture.
10:51Yeah, they were, weren't they?
10:52Cos some of them were really good looking
10:53and some of them were a bit potato-faced,
10:55you know.
10:58Well, how many babies have I got?
11:00I haven't got any.
11:02Oh, Anita.
11:05Did he come with those carrots?
11:07No.
11:08That veg man.
11:08I bet he's having sex somewhere.
11:11The veg man?
11:13Of course he is.
11:13You only have to look at him.
11:14Don't want to look at him.
11:15You don't need to look at him.
11:17You can smell his overall
11:18five minutes before he comes in.
11:20We should get him a deodorant.
11:22He's got a flat head.
11:24We could stick an air freshener on it.
11:26Can't we?
11:27Stick it on his head.
11:27Come here.
11:28Whack.
11:31Blimey, O'Reilly.
11:32What are them, Jean?
11:33That's a plunge.
11:34That's a super plunge.
11:35And that's an anyway halter.
11:37And what's that?
11:38That.
11:38That's a padded balcony.
11:40And is this for anything?
11:41The wedding?
11:42No.
11:43Baffled.
11:43Lost in the land of no-speaky lady talk.
11:46I have to organise my daughter's wedding.
11:48I knew that.
11:49And obviously go to it.
11:50But, oh, yes.
11:51In an outfit.
11:52And again, yes.
11:53So I have to have a new bra.
11:55No.
11:55Four faults for a refusal.
11:56He's turning round.
12:01He's having another go.
12:03Why, Jean?
12:04Who's going to see it?
12:05Well, nobody's going to see it.
12:07Take me on, Brent.
12:08Show me how a woman's mind works.
12:11And what is that?
12:13That's the double D strapless push-up.
12:17No.
12:18I'm going to have to go and sit down and order some brown sauce.
12:20Do you want to get a thong, Jean?
12:25Where does the back bit go?
12:26That's what you're bumming to.
12:27Oh, honestly.
12:29Toast those buns in our versatile floral thong.
12:33Buns as in tea cakes?
12:35No.
12:36Like that exercise video.
12:38Buns of steel.
12:39Oh, I'm doing the sequel to that.
12:41Buns of lard.
12:42Oh, gosh.
12:46That reminds me.
12:47I must get some new knickers.
12:48Hello.
12:49Not that you need to know about my underwear situation.
12:51No.
12:53I'm Philippa Moorcroft.
12:55Flipper.
12:55He's a whale, ain't he?
12:57Sorry?
13:00Oh, yes.
13:01No.
13:02Not like the whale.
13:03Philippa.
13:04Is he not a dolphin?
13:05Flipper.
13:09Skippy was the bush kangaroo.
13:12Free Willy was a whale.
13:17Did you ever see that?
13:19Tell you what was brilliant.
13:19In the cinema, they showed you the whole story in the trailer.
13:22He didn't have to bother going.
13:25Sorry?
13:25No.
13:26Yes.
13:27I'm, uh...
13:28Gosh.
13:28I never know whether to say what it used to be or what it is now.
13:31It's...
13:32It was personnel.
13:33And now it's human resources.
13:35And here I am.
13:36This is what I look like.
13:40Anyway, I'm not just here for problems.
13:42Though, obviously, feel free.
13:44But I really want to bring a new slant to the whole work thing.
13:47I mean, why not Scottish country dancing?
13:52Beautifully clean floor, Stan.
13:54Lovely.
13:55I see what I'm missing as I sit in my office with my salad sarnie.
13:59When was this?
14:00Well, I was just talking generally, but on Friday I think it was a salad sandwich.
14:04Plain salad?
14:05Yes.
14:06We do ham salad, cheese salad, egg salad.
14:08We don't do plain salad.
14:10No.
14:10I brought it from home.
14:11I made it myself.
14:13You'd made it yourself?
14:15All right, Stan.
14:16Oh, Cramps, was that wrong?
14:17No, that wasn't wrong.
14:18It's worse than wrong.
14:19All right, Stan.
14:19It's just that we normally do make all the sandwiches.
14:21You're coming.
14:22Yeah, hang on, Stan.
14:23I mean, sometimes people do bring their own.
14:27You know, if they've got a gluten-type thingy-bob.
14:30Or cystitis.
14:31When that went round the top floor, they were all coming in with cranberries.
14:37Do you know what I mean?
14:38Oi!
14:39This is the cookhouse.
14:41This is the heart of the factory.
14:44My dad was a desert rat.
14:46His life was saved by a mess tin.
14:48He had it over his face, licking a bit of mince.
14:52Sniper's Bullet could have had his jaw off.
14:54He's had a marvellous life.
14:56He's been married twice, taught himself the ukulele.
14:58And you bring your sandwiches to work.
15:03Unbelievable.
15:05He don't mean it.
15:07It's since they put Pam Ayres on the radio instead of Charlie Chester.
15:15And I wanted trailing greenery for the reception, but Keith's anti-Ivy.
15:20I didn't know Keith had an anti-Ivy.
15:23Did I say about the extra tea for the fourth floor?
15:26Yeah.
15:26Yeah, I did, didn't I?
15:27OK, then.
15:28See you later.
15:29I don't know how long I'm going to be, OK?
15:31No, that's fine.
15:31I hope it's not too good luck, anyway.
15:34I'll need it.
15:34There's only one woman's realm in that waiting room, and I'm having it.
15:38No, good luck, though.
15:39Cheers.
15:40We still can't agree about the music.
15:44Bren?
15:44Your mother.
15:46Bren.
15:46Are you on your own?
15:48Yeah, I'm just with Jean.
15:52No, that's fine, darling.
15:54I'm just needing to go a bit cautious, love.
15:56Have you got any of that disinfectant spray?
15:58Oh, I'll get it.
15:59Hello, Jean, love.
16:01I just need a little morsel, my darling, and could have a cloth, love.
16:05How are you keeping Jean?
16:06Gorgeous shade on your hair, by the way.
16:08Well, it's this wedding.
16:10Oh, and don't I empathise.
16:12They stress you out big time.
16:14Oh, that's it.
16:16I've had to organise one on Honolulu Island for one of the West Indian cricketers,
16:20and by God, it was a fantastic success.
16:24But I lost all the feeling down my left-hand side from the strain.
16:28That's not it.
16:29Bren, next time you're at the supermarket, love,
16:31can you pop this into one of the wheelie bins round the back?
16:34It mustn't go in a litter bin, love.
16:35No-one must see it, sweetheart.
16:37Why? It's not stolen, is it?
16:38No, I've given up that keeper.
16:41My days of receiving stolen property to do the boxing fraternity a favour are well gone.
16:47Can't remember what I was going to say.
16:48Anyway, the phone, lovey.
16:50Just need to get rid.
16:52But never mind me.
16:54Wedding.
16:56I'm just trying to think what to do for the music.
16:58Oh, well, I used to know a fantastic keyboards player.
17:02Really talented, lovely-looking, like a black Frankie Vaughan.
17:06The world's flocking.
17:08Have beautiful slacks.
17:09Tailored specially.
17:11But like a lot of very well-dressed people, he was gay.
17:15Anyway.
17:17He's in Guernsey now.
17:20Strictly speaking, I can't set foot on the Channel Islands.
17:23Or maybe just someone at the piano.
17:25Richard Klederman.
17:26Yeah, that type of...
17:27I can get him.
17:28Do you want him?
17:31Oh, no, no, forget it.
17:32He's got a dog.
17:36He will travel nowhere without this damn dog.
17:40Mind you, it's a gorgeous pooch.
17:43Shiatsu.
17:44He tried to give me one once.
17:45I said...
17:46Ricky, I love you, sweetheart.
17:49But my lifestyle and a dog's lifestyle pulls apart.
17:55So, you see, you can't just fly over here, Jean.
17:58Because of Sheba.
17:59I've had him in tears from Zurich Airport.
18:01Saying, I can't get on the plane, Bejula.
18:04I cannot leave Sheba.
18:06I say...
18:07Ricky, it's fine.
18:11Just go home.
18:12Have a Gloovine.
18:14Put one of your own records on.
18:15I can say that to him.
18:18Oh, we'll sort it out.
18:20Jean, I'm helping.
18:22Don't forget, I was in Beirut with Mandy Rice-Davies.
18:25I understand entertainment.
18:26Now, this girl is a fabulous entertainer.
18:32Now, ignore that.
18:36Ignore the drawing.
18:37She had these cards done on the motorway.
18:40She must have pressed the wrong button.
18:43But, you see, as well as the stripping,
18:45she plays the accordion.
18:46Oh, I like the accordion.
18:49So, is she just like a normal type of accordionist?
18:52She's lovely.
18:53Very modest to look at, actually.
18:56Peter Pan collars.
18:57She knows all the lovely old tunes.
18:59Agadu.
19:00Coconut Airways.
19:04Shaft.
19:07So, what shall we do, then?
19:08Shall we call her?
19:09Shall we take this card?
19:10No, I'd better hang on to that.
19:11I'll call her for you.
19:12Sometimes you get quite rough people
19:14answering these phones.
19:15Yeah, but you might not remember to do it, Mum.
19:17Don't break my heart, Bren.
19:19Let me help.
19:21I'll be back in Romania tomorrow
19:22up an orphanage ladder with an emotion brush.
19:26Let me do this for...
19:28What's your daughter's name?
19:30Lisa.
19:31There you are.
19:33The little baby they wouldn't let me adopt.
19:35Little Lisa Louise.
19:36I said, what sort of future
19:38is she going to have here?
19:39You've not a bottle in the place.
19:42They just stamped adoption refused
19:44on the papers.
19:45I said, you're stamping those letters
19:47on my heart.
19:49Let me do this for all our babies.
19:53Bren, can you let me have a couple of sausages
19:55out your deep, friends?
19:56Dolly, we need one more platter-day for the top floor.
20:04They're having a think tank.
20:05Oh, nobody's brought me those brown rolls yet.
20:07Where's Norman?
20:08Where's Anita?
20:09She's gone for counselling with that Philippa woman.
20:11She was upset.
20:11She was upset.
20:12That coleslaw was diabolical.
20:14Tony, can I use the phone?
20:16No.
20:16Oh, it's about the bridesmaid's knickers.
20:18Oh, go on then.
20:20Two fives to dial out.
20:22Shutters going up two minutes.
20:23She was upset about the sex tuplets.
20:25She's getting a period.
20:27I've heard it all before, Bren.
20:28No need to call it a pinyon.
20:32Has Norman not brought them rolls, Dolly?
20:34Oh, he wouldn't come up the stairs.
20:35He had a panic attack coming.
20:37He was going to sit in his van as a precaution.
20:39A precaution against doing any bloody work.
20:42Stan, nip down and see if there's any brown rolls
20:44down by the bins, will you?
20:46Norman's flipped again.
20:47Roger Wilco.
20:49What did you say about sex tuplets?
20:51Anita, I left her a message.
20:53Plain white, high waist, low leg.
20:55Sex tuplets.
20:57Blidesmaid's knickers.
21:00Just left.
21:01Anybody could have had them.
21:02Then what?
21:03Stealing mopeds.
21:04Hitting women in their own homes with golf trophies.
21:07Norman was having a panic attack, Stan.
21:10Ten years ago, nobody had heard of panic attacks.
21:12And if they had, bloody bread men didn't have them.
21:15Shutters going up!
21:18Bread men had varicose veins and fags behind their ears.
21:21What's the soup?
21:22On the menu, it just says soup.
21:25Twain, what's the soup?
21:27Minestrone.
21:27Why don't you put it on menu?
21:28Can't spell it.
21:31Excuse me.
21:32Sorry.
21:33Sorry.
21:34Mum?
21:35I've just left you a message.
21:37Well, I'm not there, am I?
21:39Well, they won't do.
21:40There's an old gravy.
21:44Who's on gravy?
21:46Anita.
21:46Anita.
21:47You carry on, mate.
21:47I'll bring some over, OK?
21:49Can you tell me which one Jean is, please?
21:51Jean!
21:52Hello.
21:54You looking for entertainment for your wedding?
21:56Oh, yeah.
22:00I do.
22:01Bride, policewoman, traffic warden, gladiator and gypsy, Rosalie.
22:04I can't be touched.
22:05I won't sit on laps and I won't mingle.
22:11But do you play the accordion?
22:13No.
22:13The only strip.
22:15Well, you could see what a liability that would be naked.
22:17Could chop a nipple.
22:18Is that what you wanted in a accordionist?
22:21Yeah.
22:23Right.
22:24I'll phone my granddaddy, please.
22:26Bye.
22:29Who was that, Jean?
22:30And can she make gravy?
22:31A stripper.
22:33She'll never have needed to, then.
22:35Julie, I want you.
22:36I want you.
22:37Where's Anita?
22:38She's lying down.
22:39It's dinner time.
22:39I'm a bod short now.
22:41I didn't think she'd be able to concentrate.
22:42She doesn't need to concentrate.
22:44Someone says a pie, you give them a pie.
22:46I don't know who could concentrate and go barmy.
22:51I really think you should be sensitive to a woman's hormonal ebb and flow.
22:57I am, believe me.
22:58Look, I'm not a dinosaur.
23:00I quite like women in a sad, baffled sort of way.
23:03But can we please get a grip?
23:05Out of a workforce of five, at any given moment,
23:08one will have premenstrual tension,
23:09one's panicking because she's not,
23:11someone's having a hot flush,
23:12and someone else is having a nervous breakdown
23:14because her HRT patch has fallen in the minestrone.
23:16That was a one-off.
23:28I mean,
23:29as much as I love working in a woman's support group,
23:32the cold fact is,
23:33this is a bloody canteen.
23:35Have you ever thought of Scottish country dancing?
23:36Is this a work-related gathering, can I just ask?
23:46It's a melting pot, Stan.
23:47We're just going to toss ideas into the pot.
23:49It's a toss pot.
23:54So what I'll do very quickly is just free-fall, if I may.
23:57These are just fun things I've tried in other places I've worked.
24:01Feng Shui.
24:03Moving things around.
24:05You're not moving that toaster?
24:07No, that's probably not very appropriate.
24:09You'll move me first.
24:11Oh, leave it, Stan.
24:12Thanks, Maureen.
24:14Reflexology.
24:14My dad was a desert rat.
24:16He shaved in sand.
24:17That toaster stays put.
24:20Scottish country dancing.
24:22I think I've mentioned that.
24:23Exploring female sexuality.
24:26I don't think Stan needs to hear about that.
24:29I didn't think I looked like a Maureen.
24:32You can't shock me.
24:34I was once employed in the biggest brothel in Aslington.
24:37Doing what?
24:38The rewiring.
24:40What was it like?
24:41Well, it was very tricky, actually,
24:43because there were so many wall lights.
24:46They think now that pressure at work can affect your sex life.
24:49They did a questionnaire.
24:50Are you too busy to have an orgasm?
24:53Orgasm.
24:54I haven't blown me nose since Wednesday.
25:03Oh, one fun thing we did.
25:05Dressing to reflect the local ethnic communities.
25:08Eh?
25:08Well, I mean, I don't mind what I wear.
25:11I think when you're slim, you can carry off a number of styles.
25:15I think we should ask somebody with bigger hips.
25:18Jean.
25:20You wouldn't want to wear a sari for work.
25:24What are they playing at now?
25:26Is this for your benefit, Anita?
25:28My benefit?
25:29Now, I try and keep an open mind.
25:32I was first in the queue with frozen pies, for example.
25:35But I can't honestly say
25:36I would want to do heavy lifting,
25:39checking and maintenance of bisexual ablutions in a sari.
25:43Hang on.
25:44We seem to have gone a little bit astray here.
25:46Well, you certainly have if you think some of us are called Maury.
25:49How about if we all learn to massage each other?
25:53It's marvellous.
25:54We used to do it in one of our offices.
25:56Basically, you sit round in a circle
25:57and massage the neck and shoulders of the person in front of you.
26:00Yes, but suppose you haven't got somebody in front of you.
26:04Everyone will have someone in front of them.
26:06How?
26:07Because we'll all be in a circle.
26:08Oh, I thought you said we'd all be in an office.
26:10This would be through your overall.
26:16Oh, yes.
26:17So we wouldn't be naked.
26:19Oh, no.
26:21Because some of our appliances spit fat.
26:27Hey, they shouldn't do.
26:34Give it time, Flit.
26:36How much time?
26:37I've been to every person in this factory
26:39and all I get is blank looks.
26:40Oh, I don't know.
26:41Oh, we'll have to think about it.
26:43I sold my flat to come and be with you, Mikey,
26:45and I'm beginning to feel like I've been an absolute nitwit.
26:47They were queuing up in Banster to make candles.
26:50I'll be a bit later.
26:51Is that all right?
26:51Then you might have told me you didn't have a washing machine.
26:54So, now we know.
27:02You all right, Jean?
27:03Hey.
27:04I'm just having a gloomy-do about this wedding.
27:06It doesn't feel right somewhere along the line.
27:09Hey, it's going to be fantastic.
27:10What are you talking about?
27:11You've done your flowers, you've got your hat,
27:13you've tracked down them vegetarian slingbacks for Keith's anti-Margot.
27:17You've done great.
27:18Flipping heck, Jean.
27:18You've done fantastic.
27:20Thanks, Brent.
27:20I appreciate that.
27:22No problems.
27:23I don't know who thinks they cleaned this spatula.
27:25Give it us back, then.
27:27Hello.
27:28Is this a good time?
27:30I'm Carly's grandad.
27:31Is it for dancing?
27:33For the wedding.
27:34Thought I'd give you a bit of a demo.
27:36Oh.
27:37I just need Stan.
27:38There's a car blocking the gates.
27:39Stan?
27:40Yeah.
27:40Let's do that.
27:43You've done it.
27:44You've actually organised it yourselves.
27:47That's fantastic.
27:49I can't tell you what this has done for me.
27:52I absolutely can't tell you.
27:53I can't stop.
28:02I'm blocking the gates.
28:03Can you tell me, Mum, we got married this morning?
28:06She'll take it better from you.
28:08We couldn't face it, big wedding teller.
28:10And teller, I'll call her.
28:12Do you mind?
28:13Bye.
28:13Sorry.
28:14You tell her.
28:15I feel 20 years younger now, this is sorted.
28:24Thanks for what you said.
28:25Are you having a dance?
28:27Yeah.
28:28I feel 20 years younger now, this is what you said.
28:58I feel 20 years younger now.
29:16.
29:19.
29:21.
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