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British TV Classics
  • 15 hours ago
S1.E8 ∙ Frogbusters
Sun, Apr 18, 1993
The heat of August proves to a bit much but in the village on a Sunday afternoon, the Mayles learn there is to be the annual goat race. They get a hot tip and decide to take a bit of a flutter. Peter also decides to challenge the village champion at boules but he and Annie proves to be less than good at the game. Peter finds a ringer however in Mr. Parrott. Columbani finally finishes installing the central heating and then tells them they have to leave it on for two days.

Category

😹
Fun
Transcript
00:00Thank you for listening.
00:30Thank you for listening.
01:00No problem.
01:01But sandwiched in between, there was the heat.
01:04With his unerring sense of timing, Columbani was putting the final touch to the central heating.
01:12The mysterious Mr. Parrot had come up trumps again.
01:17After the white china lavatory, Columbani had found cast iron radiators in his barn.
01:23Peter?
01:24What's wrong?
01:28Can heat melt brains?
01:30I think Amadeus gone mad.
01:32Maybe it's a new way of making cheese.
01:38Then our own brains went.
01:41Darling, there's a goat in a supermarket.
01:46There's another one driving that Peugeot.
01:52Maybe we need a drink.
01:56Just a minute.
02:00Course to Chevro.
02:02Gate race this afternoon.
02:05Once around the town.
02:07Starting at the Plastaliner.
02:08Hey.
02:10Let's have a flutter.
02:24The annual goat race was an opportunity to show off the cream of local goat talent.
02:29But being new to the sport, we found it difficult to tell the sheep from the racers.
02:34Hey, look.
02:36He put fern on me.
02:38Who?
02:39Foxy fern.
02:40My very own private supplier of duff truffles.
02:44Watch it.
02:45He's seen it.
02:49Mr. Demi, bonjour.
02:50Bonjour.
02:51Bonjour.
02:52Number 7, monsieur.
02:54Number 7.
02:56Why?
02:57Why?
02:57Pourquoi number 7?
02:59The droppings?
03:06Abondance.
03:07Beaucoup.
03:09So what?
03:10Alors?
03:11Alors, la chèvre.
03:13Elle est plus légère.
03:15Figures?
03:16Light means fast.
03:21Set.
03:22Set.
03:27Et voilà.
03:29Alors, mesdames et messieurs, nous formons cela pour le coup de notre tournée, la force de l'Evraël.
03:34Est-ce que cela?
03:35Il n'a tant en plus que monsieur le maire qui va donner le départ.
03:39Nous devons applaudir monsieur le maire.
03:40Applaudissements.
03:41Merci.
03:45Applaudissements.
03:46Beaucoup.
03:47En plus, c'est de ce que je vous souhaite.
03:48Vieren.
03:50Puis, les maires qui se sont un peu moins pu Eagle.
03:52Parlez.
03:52Parlez.
03:537, 7, 7, 7, 3, 2, 1, t� ㅎㅎ
04:027, 7, 7, 8, 8, 8, 9, 10, 10
04:20Come on!
04:42The 7th!
04:50The 3rd!
04:52The 3rd!
04:54The 3rd!
04:56Anyway, you can't control goats.
04:58That's not what Fanon said.
05:00He did his best.
05:02Did his best to what?
05:04Because I've got a feeling
05:06that he just loves taking me
05:08for a ride.
05:10C'est what havent Within the All Week!
05:12And after you do this
05:15It's not the 3rd!
05:17May car has the 2nd!
05:18And we're going to come before!
05:20Let us go!
05:23On the 3rd!
05:27Passive In the 10th!
05:28Come on!
05:29Hey, tenn john fleets!
05:31Tellwiąz.
05:32The 2nd!
05:34Insana On the 2nd!
05:36And the Perseidens Tour Onun
05:38He is the king of bulls, le roi de la pétangue, the best.
05:44He is so good, who can beat him?
05:51Me, moi, I will, the pair of us, le roi de la boule anglais, English bulls, ça existe ça?
06:03You've never heard of Sir Francis Drake?
06:05These people have been playing this game since time immemorial.
06:09So?
06:09So what do you want to do?
06:11Win!
06:12How can we win? We've never played before.
06:15I have.
06:16When?
06:17On Worthing Beach.
06:19And you'll probably have me know you were rather good.
06:23Just you wait, chum.
06:35It's simple. I found the rules.
06:56It's not a game of skill at all. It's not like real bulls or billiards.
07:02It's more a game of chance.
07:04All you have to do is get the bull close to the little one, which is called the koshiné.
07:09And then you either get the bull close to it, or you bomb the other persons out of the way.
07:24That's all there is to it.
07:29Each bull of the winning team, which gets closer to the target than the other team, scores a point.
07:35And the first one to get 13 points wins.
07:38Electric.
07:40Have a go.
07:42No.
07:43Go on. England expects.
07:45Just one, then.
07:57Oh.
07:59Fantastic.
08:00Stroke of luck.
08:05Have another go.
08:09You'll see.
08:10This time.
08:15Natural gift.
08:21Oh, here you go.
08:32Ah, la pétanque, la pétanque.
08:37Have a game?
08:38Dadof.
08:39Oh, no, Josephine.
08:41Oh, Josephine.
08:43Why not?
08:43C'est une drogue, ce machin-là.
08:46What do you mean, like a drug?
08:48Quand j'étais petit, je pensais qu'à ça.
08:50Je jouais.
08:51Oh, je jouais.
08:54J'avais un don, on n'avait jamais vu ça.
08:56When he was young, he was fantastically gifted.
09:00I can imagine.
09:01Alors, un jour, mon père me dit, Ernesto, mon petit, où c'est la pétanque, où c'est la plomberie?
09:08Pétanque ou plumbing?
09:09J'ai choisi, mon mère.
09:15J'ai choisi.
09:26Et maintenant, le moment le plus dramatique de l'opération.
09:29L'appareil, mon mère.
09:30Ready?
09:31Cinq, quatre, trois, deux, un, zéro.
09:41La combustion!
09:43Bravo!
09:45C'est marvellous.
09:58It's snowing outside, the mistral's blowing.
10:03But inside, it's summer.
10:06Can we switch it off?
10:07Ah, surtout pas, ça.
10:08Donc, il faut le tester pendant deux jours.
10:10Two days?
10:12Oh, well, it's nothing like a sauna.
10:14Relax before the match, lay boule.
10:16Contre Fernand, ce soir!
10:19Ah, c'est vrai, M. Mell.
10:21Vous jouez ce soir contre Fernand, le président.
10:24That's right.
10:25Méfiez-vous, M. Mell.
10:26C'est un homme fier.
10:29Don't you worry, M. Colombani.
10:31What an Englishman's honor is at stake.
10:33Et maintenant, pour une grande première en doublette, un match international, France-Angleterre.
10:45Applaudissements
10:47Allez, mon frère, d'avolantique.
11:05Applaudissements
11:05C'est un homme fier.
11:35Après une partie très serrée, l'équipe de Fernand mène par 1 à 0.
11:49Applaudissements
11:50C'est un homme fier.
12:05Applaudissements
12:05L'équipe de Fernand mène par 7 à 0.
12:30Applaudissements
12:32L'équipe de Fernand mène par 7 à 0.
13:00L'équipe de Fernand mène par 7 à 0.
13:30L'équipe de Fernand mène par 7 à 0.
14:00L'équipe de Fernand mène par 7 à 0.
14:30Because we're foreign. That's why.
14:33Second-class citizens. Jokes.
14:36And we've just gone out of our way to convince everyone of the fact.
14:40It's tremendous.
14:42What do you want to do?
14:43Go back to Wiltshire?
14:48I want to go to bed.
14:54Sleep well?
14:56No, I didn't.
14:59We're going to forget all this nonsense.
15:02I'm just going to say thank you to Mr Parrott.
15:05Good idea.
15:11The fruitcake looks okay, but don't be taken in.
15:16You might be a little elderly, I'm afraid.
15:18I'm a Dundee addict myself.
15:21How long have you lived here, Mr Parrott?
15:23Oh, a long time.
15:25My, uh, Virginia, my wife, died 17 years ago.
15:30It must be 30 years or so.
15:33When we first came here, it was because Virginia was a bit, uh, um, you know, chesty.
15:39And, uh, and Bob's your uncle.
15:43Yeah.
15:43You never miss England?
15:46Oh, a little pang when the test match begins.
15:51Mr. Colobani told us.
15:54Bought some cricket tapes.
15:56Highlights of the West Indies.
15:57Maybe you don't have a machine.
15:59Oh, yes.
16:00Oh, yes.
16:01Oh, mod cons.
16:04Oh, thank you so much.
16:08Oh, that reminds me.
16:10A white p-day.
16:12You, I have one somewhere.
16:14Well, you're very welcome.
16:15Mr Parrott.
16:17Hmm?
16:18What's this?
16:19There.
16:19Oh, there.
16:22Well, it's, it's, it's a boule court for the French game.
16:27Petanque.
16:28Do you play?
16:31You think it's very silly, probably, but yes, I do.
16:35Cricket being impossible in Provence, I, uh, I blush to say I took up boule.
16:39Are you any good, Mr Parrott?
16:42Oh, no.
16:43No, no, no, no, no, no.
16:44I may have picked up a trick or two here and there.
16:47Well, one time I had a bit of a reputation, but, uh, oh, I never play for money these days,
16:52huh?
16:53Oh, heaven.
16:54Well, you haven't come all this way just to talk about boule, have you, eh?
17:00Try with your feet together, eh?
17:02That's the way.
17:04Mm-hmm.
17:08Better, you see.
17:10Don't forget your tea, darling.
17:14So.
17:14What's the plan?
17:19Plan?
17:30Good.
17:31There's another shot that I want to show you.
17:33It's called the porté.
17:34It's, it's a high sort of lofting shot.
17:37You don't bend your knees so much for this one.
17:40High, it goes right up, comes down, and hardly moves at all after it lands, is it?
17:43Thank you, sir.
17:52Mm-hmm.
17:53There.
17:54Have a go.
18:00Good.
18:02Spend it, yes.
18:03And English mustard made with powder.
18:07Oh, just like school.
18:15Mr. Parrott, I have to confess, all this is designed to soften you up.
18:24There is a boule competition in our village.
18:36Mm-hmm.
18:37Playing in that competition is someone who, for my own petty reasons, I want to beat.
18:43Not, not beat, thrash.
18:47Mm-hmm.
18:48Will you come out of retirement and play for my team?
18:59I'll give you my last packet of sausages.
19:05Well, of course, if you don't take my feelings.
19:14I'll get you away from the box.
19:16Hello.
19:19Oh, thank you.
19:21Good evening.
19:21Yes.
19:26Good evening.
19:27Good evening.
19:28Madam.
19:29Good evening.
19:31For the boules.
19:32Ah.
19:33For the tentacles.
19:34For the triplet.
19:36Saturday, Saturday.
19:38Put me down.
19:41Peter, mail.
19:46Annie, mail.
19:49Parrot.
19:53Monsieur Clive Parrot.
20:05Well?
20:08Ready.
20:11...play off the scene and so far that it was just beating the iron, beating the leg stuff.
20:17Mark and Marshall Williams, the beautiful ball, it's done.
20:21Et maintenant, pour le deuxième grand match international...
20:25I called him three times and I wrote it on a piece of paper.
20:28L'équipe anglaise contre l'équipe française.
20:31Merci à vous.
20:38Very close and out, sir.
20:46Marshall strikes again.
20:48Lamb, responsiveness.
20:50Alors les Anglices, où est votre craque?
20:54Il a le craque, votre craque.
20:55What's he on about?
20:56He says Parrot's got cold feet.
20:58Écoutez, ils viennent pas, hein?
21:00Ah, non, non, non.
21:01La partie, elle est perdue, hein?
21:02Eh oui.
21:03Well, it seems a stupid way to lose, but...
21:11Well, there's nothing we can do, I suppose so.
21:13He's gonna play again.
21:24Mais, c'est un match international.
21:27Et puis, c'est pas anglais, toi?
21:29You know English?
21:30Oui.
21:32Et ça?
21:34C'est pas anglais, ça?
21:35Hé, oh!
21:38Bon boulot.
21:42Slight lack of technique has found him out.
21:45That, uh, fifth wicket going down there, this project...
21:48C'est un match.
22:08Allez, Kloé, mon petit.
22:10Fais-moi plaisir, va.
22:12Rappele-toi un peu, va.
22:18Don't clench the trajectory of 45 degrees feet.
22:48L'équipe anglaise mène par 5 à 3.
23:00Vous pouvez ramasser vos bruits.
23:1812-12.
23:2012-12.
23:22Deux boules à jouer.
23:23Two boules.
23:24Le président et M. Maïd.
23:37Il bouge.
23:39Colombani, tu bouges.
23:42Colombani, tu es un tricheur.
23:45Non, mais tu me traites un tricheur, moi ?
23:47Oui !
23:48Je bouge, moi !
23:49Je bouge !
23:50Et ton grand-père, il bouge !
23:52Et qu'est-ce qu'il a, mon grand-père ?
23:53Peut-être que c'était mon grand-père ?
23:55Bien sûr, il faut jouer !
23:57Il faut jouer !
23:58T'as qu'à venir faire un petit peu.
23:59Tu bouges pas les pieds.
24:00Vois comment je m'arrête.
24:02C'est pour toi, M. Parrot.
24:03C'est pour toi, M. Parrot.
24:04C'est pour toi, M. Parrot.
24:05C'est pour toi, M. Parrot.
24:06C'est pour toi, M. Parrot.
24:07C'est pour toi, M. Parrot.
24:08C'est pour toi, M. Parrot.
24:10C'est pour toi, M. Parrot.
24:12C'est pour toi, M. Parrot.
24:14Ah ! Le point 2 !
24:16Il est là, le point 2 !
24:19C'est pour toi planque !
24:21Silence pour la dernière boule !
24:28This one's for you, M. Parrot.
24:40Arbitre !
24:41It's me, I'm the captain.
24:43Arbitre, I'm the captain.
24:45He's the captain of the army.
24:47It's not me, he's the captain of the army.
24:49It's not me, he's the captain of the army.
24:51It's like, equality.
24:53We'll play two.
24:55A duel?
24:57A duel.
24:59You're on.
25:07You played very well.
25:09Where were you when we needed you, Mr. Parrott?
25:13Well, I'm sorry, I was a touch late.
25:17It's silly, you haven't finished yet, have you?
25:21We're having a playoff tomorrow morning.
25:23Ah, well.
25:25In that case, I think perhaps I can make amends,
25:27because if I may be so bold,
25:29I think I can show you how to win.
25:33No, sorry, darling.
25:39Parrott's given me his secret.
25:41It makes no difference.
25:43Well, then you'll never know.
25:45I don't care.
25:47I've got other, better things to do.
25:49Anyway, it's quite obvious, this is never going to end.
25:51You'll never go back to writing.
25:53You and Fernand are going to be fighting this out
25:55for the rest of your lives.
25:57It's a nightmare.
25:59I'm sorry, I'm staying in bed.
26:03I'm sorry, I'm staying in bed.
26:33I'm staying in bed.
26:38I'm staying in bed.
26:39Bye.
26:46Bye.
26:47Bye.
26:53Bye.
27:03What the hell was it?
27:33You won?
27:48How?
27:49I lost.
27:50You just said you won.
27:54You've made the festies.
27:56It's what Parrot told me.
27:58It depends what you want to win, he said.
28:02So I told him what I wanted to win, and he told me to lose.
28:05So I lost.
28:07And I won.
28:10See?
28:13Can I have a festies?
28:16Come and meet my friends.
28:19And that day, Fanon made me an honorary member of the Sporting Association.
28:32Come and meet your allies, behind me, from a growing event, I won.
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