- 15 hours ago
A merger with a Japanese company means that the factory's Christmas party has an Oriental theme to it. Tony and Bren plan to go as a couple, but Petula invites herself along as Bren's partner. Dolly and Jean are not impressed with their husbands' flirtatious
and ignorant behaviour; Anita gets very drunk at the party and makes a fool of herself, while Twinkle and her friend Tiffany are unimpressed by the older workers' dancing. Petula flings herself at every man in sight, including Jean's husband Keith. Bren and
Tony try to salvage their night together, fending off the respective advances of Stan and Jean, but Petula mistakes Tony for Stan, and messes things up for Bren.
and ignorant behaviour; Anita gets very drunk at the party and makes a fool of herself, while Twinkle and her friend Tiffany are unimpressed by the older workers' dancing. Petula flings herself at every man in sight, including Jean's husband Keith. Bren and
Tony try to salvage their night together, fending off the respective advances of Stan and Jean, but Petula mistakes Tony for Stan, and messes things up for Bren.
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FunTranscript
00:00Do you think this potato looks like Del Boy in Fools and Horses?
00:22Which one?
00:23David Jason.
00:24Which potato?
00:25You don't want the invitations to the Christmas party, do you?
00:29That one stands, Bren.
00:33What's sushi?
00:35What does that mean? Sake from 6.30.
00:38Sarky?
00:39I'm not being sarky, I'm asking.
00:42Why is our Christmas party all Japanese?
00:45Of course of the merger. This'll be in honour of, what's he called?
00:47Mr Tashimoto.
00:48Normally it's a few dodgy pies and a disco.
00:51It's show up, throw up and bug off home.
00:54What's formal mean?
00:57Address.
00:58Bren in a dress, be still my trousers.
01:00Give her.
01:01I've got a brilliant dress actually.
01:03It's mauve with straps.
01:04Does it cover any of your erogenous zones?
01:06Depends what time it is.
01:08It's time. Party invite.
01:10That should have been in my pigeonhole by rights.
01:13We're going all formal and Japanesey.
01:15Come on girls, let's feed faces.
01:16You wait till after the merger.
01:18We'll all be in pyjamas at five o'clock in the morning doing jujitsu.
01:21Hey, I'll have to get a dress.
01:23Do not start, Brent.
01:24Sorry.
01:25Who's everybody bringing then?
01:27I fancy DeVore.
01:28As a guest?
01:29As a fabric for my dress.
01:31It sounded like an ethnic boyfriend.
01:35DeVore sing.
01:36DeVore pretend.
01:37Do some flipping work.
01:39Three for the boardroom.
01:44And the other two downstairs, okay?
01:46Good enough.
01:47Can I have Stan?
01:48You can.
01:49Stan!
01:50We've got a spider.
01:51Are you taking someone?
01:52Am I?
01:53To the party?
01:54Yes.
01:55Yes, I am.
01:56Probably.
01:57Hopefully.
01:58Possibly not.
02:01I suppose.
02:02Depends.
02:03By marriage guidance, counsellor says it could be a catalyst.
02:07Can you not stick to short words, Jean?
02:09Like bra?
02:11Well, your counsellor does know a lot about it, Jean, I expect.
02:14Well, you'd think so.
02:16But for a person with a full sex life, she's done a heck of a lot of tapestries.
02:22How do?
02:23How's your casters?
02:24Running smooth?
02:25Very.
02:26I'm skidding about all over the shop.
02:27Agrees to spindles.
02:28Good on you.
02:30Stan, there's a huge spider in our little wash basin.
02:34Tom Murray wants to hit it with the Daily Mail.
02:36Can you do anything?
02:37Aha!
02:38Yes.
02:39I've been hoping this might happen.
02:41Come on.
02:45Are you fixed up, Brent?
02:46You what?
02:47For do.
02:48Are you taking your man?
02:49What man?
02:50Him you met at car boot sale.
02:51Oh, him?
02:52No.
02:53That were a bit summertime now, actually.
02:55It never...
02:56Well, it could have, you know, but it never actually...
02:57It was just one of those didn't happen type things.
03:01I have a lot of them.
03:03Still, I got rid of my teesmaid.
03:05So who will you take?
03:08Well, I'll come on my own.
03:09I'm not bothered.
03:10You can't come on your own.
03:11It's formal.
03:12You need a man on your arm.
03:13I'll ask Stan.
03:14That was a joke.
03:15You're being like Flynn would, Stan.
03:16He fancies you.
03:17Give over.
03:18He'll be on your doorstep with his telescopic spider-catcher.
03:20Give flipping over.
03:22Do you want to come with me?
03:23Eh?
03:24I'll take you.
03:25To the party?
03:26Do you want to?
03:27Oh, yeah.
03:28I mean, yeah.
03:29Are you sure?
03:30Are you not, like, otherwise thingy-bob?
03:31Thingy-bob?
03:32I'm not even what you may call it.
03:36OK, then.
03:37Great.
03:38You're on.
03:39Yeah.
03:40Bren!
03:41Bren!
03:42Can you sponsor me for landmines?
03:47Whoops!
03:49Didn't realise I was popping into hunk heaven.
03:54I feel like Marie Osmond.
03:57Do you?
03:58And she wasn't as chipper as she seemed, away from the footlights.
04:00Mary?
04:02Mary, I called her, and I think she liked it.
04:05She tried to give me a condo in Salt Lake City just after she had that big hit with paper
04:09roses.
04:11I said, Mary, I love you, my darling, but I'm too outspoken.
04:16A lot of what the Mormons do, I can't swallow it.
04:24Do you want a cup of tea?
04:25No fluids.
04:26No fluids.
04:27It's my heart.
04:28Mr. Vitkunis said that with an aorta like mine, I should have died in March 1973.
04:35I said, that's a bit spooky, actually, Anton, because it was in March 1973 that I had my
04:42out-of-body experience.
04:44Do you remember, Bren?
04:45Oh, no, you weren't there.
04:47I was floating above my own caftan.
04:51Can you sponsor me over the Kalahari Desert?
04:54I'll probably peg out en route, but what does it matter?
04:57I've had my life to sign here.
05:00Can't believe Hockney's handwriting, can you?
05:04But hasn't he given us pleasure with his naked boys?
05:08You could stamp that now if you'd rather.
05:11Oh, okay.
05:12Now get me purse.
05:13Oh, what's this?
05:14It's our do.
05:15We're going a bit upmarket.
05:16Oh.
05:17Who will you take, Bren?
05:18Eh?
05:19What date is it?
05:20Oh, I'll just be in me van that night.
05:25All on me own some, which I love.
05:28I'd rather be in than out these days.
05:30Pat Phoenix was the same, for all her bravado.
05:34Shall I come with you, Bren?
05:35No, it's all right.
05:36No, let me.
05:38Has she told you what a terrible mother I am?
05:40I am terrible.
05:41Put her in an orphanage and lost the address.
05:47Huh?
05:48We laugh about it now.
05:51I don't mind, Bren.
05:52I'll drag myself out.
05:54The thing is, I'd ask Bren to go with me.
05:57But you do want to take Bren, surely?
06:00You can see her bumbling about any day of the working week.
06:03I know who you can take.
06:04Hang on.
06:13Ah, here she is.
06:15Just your type, I bet.
06:16Leggy, bit of cleavage.
06:17Um...
06:18Tina, you'll love her.
06:19She's gorgeous.
06:20Like a black Mary Hopkin.
06:25That's...
06:26We'll come as a foursome.
06:27Bung us a couple of young tums, Bren.
06:29I've kicked that urinal into touch.
06:44Have you?
06:45It was your back pressure flow through.
06:47It would have been.
06:48Now, Tony, this is my usual.
06:51But should I branch out?
06:54What are these?
06:55Oh, the veg band just came.
06:56You saw the lights, um...
06:58Now, this is more of a holiday hair piece.
07:05Yeah, I see what you mean.
07:06Er, there's beers here, Stan, okay?
07:08Help yourself.
07:09No, I won't, actually.
07:10I want to keep semi-alert.
07:12We're gonna be at full stretch lavatory-wise.
07:14I can't fine-tune a ball cock if I'm tipsy.
07:19That's the one.
07:20Really?
07:21You'd be fighting the girls off with that on your head, Stan.
07:25You might be right.
07:28Hands off mine, though.
07:29Bren's mum's bringing me a hot date.
07:31Who's this, then?
07:33This is Hugo.
07:34We're not in a relationship.
07:37Ocean Boulevard.
07:39Hi, Hugo.
07:40This is Stan.
07:41Hello.
07:42What's your name, love?
07:47This is Tiffany.
07:48Yeah, she's not my best mate,
07:49cos my best mate's for her to escape.
07:51Have a drink, kids.
07:54Oh, I say.
07:55Whistles of wolf.
07:57Blimey, what's that perfume?
07:58Oh, for jeans, it's Charlie.
07:59Mine's Estee Lorde Youth Duke.
08:04What's yours, twink?
08:05Climax.
08:09Stan, are you sporting any aroma?
08:11Just the usual.
08:13Swarf eager.
08:15Where's Bren?
08:16Bren!
08:18Hiya.
08:19No sign of Keith and Bob.
08:21Bren, party?
08:22Overall?
08:23No, I know, but seeing as I was just waiting for my mum,
08:25I thought I'd put all my cans in alphabetical order.
08:27Stop it, Bren.
08:28No, it's brilliant in there now.
08:29Bren, shut up.
08:30That's Bob!
08:31I bet he turned left at the ploughman's.
08:33I saw the lights on.
08:34Can I get you a drink?
08:35No, I'd better not.
08:36I'm sort of on duty.
08:37Ditto.
08:38I'm keeping an ear out for cistern trouble.
08:40What's that perfume?
08:41Charlie.
08:42Earth is used, do you?
08:44Bren, overall coming off at all?
08:46Er, did you want a drink, Philippa?
08:47No, I've got to stand by for Mr Teshimoto.
08:49He absolutely won't make up his mind about this match.
08:52It's driving me mad.
08:53Look, I'm going to pop back for a drink, okay?
08:55Because I'm not staying with Michael all night, that's for sure.
08:58See you later, bum-cracks.
08:59See you later.
09:00See you.
09:01Did you do that left turn at the ploughman's?
09:03What say?
09:04Oh, don't say what say. Hello, Keith.
09:05I don't want an evening of what say pardoned and say again.
09:06Say again.
09:07It's not deaf, it's totally selective.
09:08It can hear a bag of oven chips being opened from three doors away.
09:11Excuse me.
09:12Have you seen this top before?
09:13I think I have, haven't I?
09:14Oh, where have I worn it, pray?
09:15At Sarah's wedding.
09:16That was sage.
09:17This is anthracite.
09:18Cheers, everybody.
09:19Cheers.
09:20Cheers.
09:21Cheers.
09:22Cheers.
09:23Cheers.
09:24Oh, come on.
09:25I want to get a look at this Mr. Tashimutu.
09:26Pardon?
09:27No libido and now colour blind, move it.
09:29Libido?
09:30It's an aftershade.
09:31It's an aftershade.
09:32You're three doors away.
09:33Excuse me.
09:34Have you seen this top before?
09:35I think I have, haven't I?
09:36Oh, where have I worn it, pray?
09:37At Sarah's wedding.
09:38That was sage.
09:39This is anthracite.
09:40Cheers, everybody.
09:41Cheers.
09:42Oh, come on.
09:43I want to get a look at this Mr. Tashimutu.
09:45Pardon?
09:46Oh, no libido and now colour blind.
09:49Moon of it.
09:51No libido?
09:53It's an aftershave, Stan.
09:54Oh, it would be.
09:57I've always thought it'd be rather comical to have an aftershave called Stan.
10:01Could lead to an amusing bit of baddynage, could that?
10:04What are you wearing, Stan?
10:06Yes.
10:12Take it off, Bren, you daft bat.
10:14You give people chevrons and they parallel park.
10:17It's unbelievable.
10:19Look, the woman in the shop chose it.
10:21I know I look stupid.
10:22Have you had legs all this time and I never knew?
10:25Give over.
10:26Your mother's here.
10:27Here comes the invalid carriage.
10:30She's parked in the space mark disabled, is she disabled?
10:37Her parking's disabled.
10:39Is there another woman with us, Stan?
10:41Oh, yes.
10:42I'm sorry I couldn't, we couldn't.
10:44No, it doesn't matter.
10:45You look great anyway, by the way.
10:47Do.
10:48Will you get home all right tonight?
10:49Yeah, I'll get the night bus.
10:50That's a very acceptable outfit, if I may say so, Bren.
10:53Yeah, you can say what you like, do you know what I mean?
10:55Evening.
10:57As dear old Doc Green used to say.
11:01Now, I have to drink this, apparently.
11:04Mr. Vitkuner said, just choke it down like medicine.
11:09Is, er, Tina with you?
11:11Tina?
11:12Oh, that girl.
11:15She's gone back to Sasha.
11:17Sasha Destelle.
11:20She was brooding so much, I said, oh, phone him, but don't mention me.
11:24Not after the business with the baguette.
11:28Baz, come in.
11:29This is Baz.
11:33This is Bren and two gents whose names I can never remember.
11:38I've come from Hermston.
11:41Do you want a drink?
11:42No.
11:43I do.
11:44Cheers.
11:45Cheers.
11:46Cheers.
11:47I want to show Hugo my pans.
11:53I've seen pans before.
11:55He's not seen my pans.
11:58And Soken or Tarky.
12:02Talk in a sake.
12:05Oh, Tarky.
12:07I love him.
12:08I love older men.
12:10Oh, God.
12:12Get in.
12:15Hold my hair.
12:17Come on, let's get to T'nosh.
12:22Do you think she's going to be all right?
12:23No, I think she's going to be sick as a dog.
12:25Come on, let's get her on the tip.
12:28Well, that's something to tell our counsellor.
12:31You're Keith dancing with another woman.
12:34Would he boogie with me?
12:36Would he?
12:36Would he boogie?
12:38Ren's mother tips in the winkies up there like red rum, wagging his hips.
12:42You wouldn't know he had hips in our bedroom.
12:45Gee!
12:46She was giving Bob the eye as well, you know.
12:48Oh, I know.
12:50He was well attracted.
12:51Stood there jingling his change and grinning.
12:56Oh, it's John Travolta.
13:00Where's Mary Tyler Moore?
13:02Olivia Newton-John.
13:03Olivia Newton-John.
13:07Ren's mum?
13:08She was dancing with that Japanese fella.
13:12What am I wearing?
13:13Um...
13:14You haven't a notion, have you?
13:17Just like your mother.
13:19She knew I couldn't abide Candlewick.
13:21I thought you liked it, Jean.
13:23Sat there in a sleeping bag.
13:26I'll see you down on the dance floor in 5.
13:29Be there.
13:30I saw you trying to bury an ummy-boshy plum in a fire bucket.
13:35Hey, then.
13:36It's through there.
13:38Is it a sit-down toilet?
13:39Yeah.
13:39That's Yuri's sort of a good one.
13:47No, it is.
13:49Great dancer, your mother.
13:50Yeah.
13:51Didn't realise that was her dancing with Cliff Richard in Summer Holiday.
13:54Yeah.
13:55And they just put Una Stubbs' head on afterwards in the editing.
14:00Get us a beer, Stan.
14:01That sarky, it gets in your clack.
14:03Do you want to come through?
14:06Saw your mum doing the hokey-cokey with Mr Tashimoto, Brent.
14:10Yeah.
14:10Quite hard to do to Mull of Kintyre.
14:15There's a girl in there.
14:17Is there?
14:17Didn't put me off.
14:22I've come from Hermston.
14:24Have you?
14:25There's two ways to come.
14:26Great.
14:27I'm going back down now.
14:28Is that your date, Tony?
14:33Give us a break.
14:34I'm desperate, not suicidal.
14:37Desperate?
14:38It's you separated beggars are getting all the gravy.
14:41I'm not.
14:41There's not a bit of spare for miles.
14:43They're all in bloody Wales or somewhere.
14:45They'll all be at it in real.
14:46All them cocky Welsh kids banging away to a bloody Max Boyce record.
14:51Judith Chalmers.
14:53That's my type of bird.
14:54How come?
14:55Cheerful.
14:56Well-groomed.
14:57Never at home.
14:58You never married, Stan?
15:04No.
15:05I like to keep me spanners in the living room.
15:07I could see a clash occurring with a woman on point to that name.
15:13Hello.
15:15And I don't know names, so I don't know names.
15:18I remember your fluid movements, your sauce box.
15:24Mr Toshy Wocky.
15:27Why?
15:28Well, the thing about the hokey-pokey, cokey, is that it's in, then it's out, then you shake it all about.
15:36Otherwise, why bother?
15:38But if you're married, you've got the wittering.
15:42Now, I always like the wittering.
15:44You come in, it's having a witter.
15:46You go out, you come back, it's still wittering.
15:48It was soothing.
15:49It was like tropical fish.
15:50I like them gladiator women on telly.
15:52I like them gladiator women on telly.
15:54Oh, I'm with you there, mate.
15:56The size of their legs.
15:58Not only do they look like they could give you a fantastic scene to, but unlike most women,
16:02they'd have no trouble hanging out the loft window and adjusting your aerial.
16:05They are the exception.
16:09Most of the time, you're looking at running two separate women.
16:12One for sexual shenanigans and one for the heavy lifting.
16:17Bren could probably manage both.
16:19Oh, I'm sure.
16:21Not looking too bad tonight, the old Brenda.
16:23Not that I have any interest in men anymore since Clint.
16:32Have you not?
16:34He played my body like a pinball machine.
16:41I lit up, paid out and no tilting.
16:49Who is Babs?
16:52Babs?
16:52She's from Hampstead.
17:01How do you find the frost settings on those thermostats, Dan?
17:04To be blunt, they've been problematical.
17:07I'll show you.
17:08Because when we put new ones in, on floor three...
17:12So you've not found the man of your dreams downstairs, then?
17:15No.
17:15Might as well be up here with you.
17:17Do you get lonely, Brent?
17:19Me?
17:19No.
17:20Well, yeah.
17:21Tell you what, though.
17:22I'm hungry.
17:23Me and all Japanese buffet.
17:25It were better when we had pies.
17:26They made everybody ill, Brent.
17:27No, not everybody.
17:28That was the excitement, wasn't it?
17:30And we're going to get blatted by a pie, are we not?
17:34We're like a bit Russian roulette-y, weren't we?
17:36Hey, tell you what, we can make some chips.
17:37We've got them spuds doing nothing.
17:39You're a genius, Brent.
17:40Flipping genius.
17:41This is where we feed our workers.
17:43Oh, yes.
17:43This is Mr. Tashimoto,
17:46who may possibly be coming into partnership with us.
17:48Excuse me.
17:49No more hokey-cokey.
17:53Mr. Hirahito!
17:55Why don't I show you I found kitchen?
17:56You know we were going to come here together, you and me?
18:04Yeah, and you got a better offer.
18:06I didn't exactly get a better offer.
18:08You did.
18:09You got an offer, and it were better.
18:11I call that a better offer.
18:13Okay, point taken.
18:15Well, look, we could still...
18:17Is Michael in here?
18:18No, perfect.
18:19Do you mind?
18:20Honestly, I've just about had it with him, really.
18:22I mean, are we in love, or am I just a big ear hole?
18:26It's only what.
18:28An ear.
18:30Just have to listen to him thrash out this blinking merger.
18:33We don't make love.
18:34We don't listen to music.
18:35We're members of the National Trust.
18:36We never go.
18:39Actually, I'm starving.
18:41We're making chips.
18:42Oh, how wonderful.
18:44Could I knit back?
18:44Yeah, pop back.
18:46Oh, well, I will.
18:47Well, that's brilliant.
18:48Sorry to be so.
18:49I am absolutely furious with him, though.
18:51Ciao, anyway.
18:55Um, National Trust.
18:57Trust.
18:57Oh.
18:59It's quite a nasty thought, isn't it?
19:00A National Trust.
19:02Brent, you've never been to my flat, have you?
19:04Is she still in there?
19:06Uh, yes, she is.
19:07Tough testicles for her, then.
19:08We're going clubbing, haven't we?
19:09I was going right poxy down there.
19:14Jean and Dolly doing some reptious old aunts, aren't they?
19:17Do it, Tiffany, what they were doing.
19:19That's it.
19:23That's the twist, is that?
19:24Is it?
19:25Look like I have a lot of old scrotums to me.
19:28Have a great night, oldies.
19:30Have you not got coats?
19:31Coats?
19:32How sad are you?
19:33See ya.
19:34See ya.
19:36What was I saying?
19:37No idea.
19:38Oh, I know.
19:39Brent, you know we were going to come to the party as a sort of an item?
19:43Yeah.
19:48Came with Petula. She picked me up in Hermston.
19:50I think she's downstairs, love, where they're dancing.
19:53There's two ways to get there.
19:55Yeah, there's them stairs or that door.
19:58No, there's two ways to get to Hermston.
20:00Look, pop back in a bit. We're doing chips.
20:03I know. That's the tempo 790 with the new thermostat.
20:09Thank you very much.
20:15It's a pleasure.
20:17If the merger goes through, chips every day, yes?
20:25He's never had proper chips, you see. It really has perked him up.
20:28Brent's idea, my genius woman.
20:31OK, I've been hurried to Michael for two hours. That's long enough, don't you think?
20:36Brent, are you as good at sex as you are at chips?
20:39I am, actually.
20:42Leap, Stan, he'll want some, won't he?
20:43Chips or sex.
20:44Whatever.
20:45Isn't that nice? Michael, is it?
20:48He's spoken for. What about Mr Tashimoto?
20:50Oh, I don't think so, sweetheart. I don't have the pelvis for a foot up.
20:53Brent, do you like Max Boyce?
21:05In Whitley?
21:06No.
21:07Shall we go and have a night of mad passionate sex and not play any of his records?
21:10OK. I'll just go and fetch my mum some chicks. I might sober her up a bit.
21:17Where are they?
21:19Your men. They've gone to look at rad valves.
21:22I should have been a rad valve.
21:24What are those chips?
21:25Anybody's. Brilliant idea of Brent's.
21:27I should have said yes to Carlos.
21:30Do you not have a soft drink, Jean?
21:32I hadn't budgeted for chips, calorie-wise.
21:38Do you want to know what I got for Christmas?
21:41Of course I do.
21:42I'll get the boys.
21:43If Jean's drunk and there's chips available, I think we should make tracks.
21:48I can't afford a fried food fiasco at this stage.
21:53Not a negligee. Not silk stockings.
21:57A top-of-the-range mole wrench.
22:00Well, we're men, Jean.
22:04He's not a man.
22:07You're a man, Tony.
22:12Carry on, Jean.
22:13Breathe in.
22:15Can you smell my Charlie?
22:25Go easy, Jean.
22:27Oh, we're both adult grown-ups.
22:30I mean, why not snatch a bit of fun?
22:32I'm not quite over the hill, am I?
22:34Jean, don't get me wrong.
22:36You can go a bit mad at a Christmas party.
22:39Look, I'm on a bit of a promise with Brent.
22:41Oh, I get the picture.
22:44Typical.
22:46Pressing your groins up against us on public transport one day
22:50and expecting us to salivate at a monkey wrench the next.
22:54How dare you expect me to spend leisure time in the same building as fried potatoes?
23:02Do you want me to be 12 stone, too?
23:05I suppose you'd like me to be clinically obese
23:09and then I couldn't fit in the shed, could I?
23:13Don't tell me that magazine was there just to stand a pot of paint on.
23:17Those girls were grotesque!
23:23Bye!
23:25What was she saying?
23:26Don't ask.
23:27I'll just go and get some fags, OK?
23:29And then shall we go?
23:30What, just go?
23:31Shall we go back to my place?
23:33OK.
23:34Have a drink or something?
23:36Yeah.
23:37Or something?
23:38Yeah, it'd be nice, wouldn't it?
23:39A bit of something.
23:40I've been bleeped.
23:43Is it the toaster?
23:44Won't be long, babe.
23:46Er, no, sorry.
23:47We've done you some chips.
23:48Oh!
23:49Gwen.
23:50Oh, are you all right?
23:51I'll make you a black coffee.
23:54We were discussing women earlier.
23:57Were you?
23:58We segued onto radiator valves,
24:00but originally we touched on various women.
24:02Did you?
24:04Anyway,
24:05not to put too fine a point on it,
24:07but I wondered if you'd consider
24:10having some sort of sex with me.
24:15Er, blimey, Stan,
24:17I think I'm going a bit deaf or something.
24:19I didn't hear what you said, Dan.
24:20I won't embarrass you
24:21about telling you what it sounded like.
24:24I'll just check my skips.
24:27Blow me, Nick.
24:29Gwen, have you got a light?
24:31Um, I haven't, actually.
24:32Stan has matches.
24:33He's just gone down there.
24:35Stan?
24:35The one with dark hair.
24:36He's got a dark hair today.
24:40Yeah, I like Stan.
24:43He smokes, doesn't he?
24:44No, he doesn't smoke,
24:45but he always carries matches.
24:46They're not occupied.
24:47No girlfriends.
24:48Stan?
24:48No.
24:49Would you say he was?
24:50How do you?
24:51Er, I'm, er,
24:53going home with Tony tonight, Mum.
24:55Tony?
24:56That I work with.
24:57I mean, er,
24:57what do you think, though?
24:58Do you think that's, like,
24:58a really stupid thing to do?
25:00No, Bryn, you must.
25:02You don't want to look back
25:04on a timid little safe existence.
25:07What did Edith Piaf used to say?
25:11A handbag.
25:15No, that was Edith Evans.
25:17No, it was
25:20non
25:22genera grieta Rianne.
25:25Rianne
25:26regret.
25:30And, Bryn,
25:31God knows I've been a useless mother.
25:33Let me boost you tonight.
25:38Have me caravan.
25:39No.
25:40And move my love nest.
25:43Just move my dirty washing up the end
25:45and turn the sheet over.
25:48Hang on.
25:48I'll just give Anita this coffee.
25:50You might have to empty the L, Sam.
25:56Where's Bryn?
25:56No.
25:57You leave her alone.
25:58Don't you put a spoke in the oar.
25:59She's on a promise.
26:00I know.
26:01She's going to my caravan
26:02with, er,
26:04what's his name?
26:05The one who mops.
26:06Eh?
26:06Oh, I just want her to be happy.
26:10Shall we have a fag out here?
26:12You've got a light.
26:13Yeah, but...
26:14Hang on.
26:16Come on, Stan.
26:19I came here with Hugo, though.
26:22Well, me and Tony are getting a cab.
26:23We'll drop you back.
26:24Are you sure what?
26:25Yeah.
26:26You won't mind.
26:27It's just getting some fags.
26:29Is she taking me back to Hermston?
26:31Petula.
26:32I wouldn't bank on it.
26:33Is Petula with you, Stan?
26:35No.
26:36Oh, she's probably got her mitts
26:37on some poor bloke, Babs.
26:39That's an EK550.
26:42And the extractor's a silver line D884
26:44and the hood's a silver line 20.
26:47How do you know that?
26:48I know all the catering appliances.
26:51I was going to go on mastermind,
26:52but I can't sit on leather.
26:59What year's that toaster?
27:01If it's an EK727, it's 1989.
27:05It is 1989.
27:07Do you want a lift to Hermston?
27:08You can go two ways.
27:09You can go three ways.
27:10You'll wear it.
27:19Have you got everything?
27:21Tony won't be long.
27:23Isn't it weird?
27:24You see somebody every day
27:25and then, like, suddenly it just
27:26all turns around.
27:28Do you know what I mean?
27:28Can you get your bags?
27:32I thought you'd pack me in for Stan.
27:34Me?
27:35Stan's gone with Babs.
27:36Your mother said...
27:37What?
27:40The trouble with shoplifting.
27:42You can't try things on.
27:45Shall we make a move, Stan?
27:47That's Tony.
27:50Do excuse me.
27:52I man a helpline at midnight.
27:53I man a helix.
28:16I love you.
28:18I love you.
28:19I love you.
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