- 14 hours ago
Terry guards Albert Stubbs, a newly released bank robber, until he can retrieve the stolen money he has buried. Terry discovers that he's actually lumbered with George Wilson, a look-alike decoy, to divert attention from the 'real' Stubbs, who is being housed at Arthur's flat. Stubbs' former partners, including Rose Mellors, are also after the cash. When it's dug up, it's found to be out of date and unusable. (The episode title spoofs the 1970 book Bury My Heart at Wounded Knee.)
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00:00To be continued...
00:30To be continued...
01:00To be continued...
01:30To be continued...
01:59To be continued...
02:29To be continued...
02:59To be continued...
03:29Don't worry kids...
03:30They say...
03:31Cleanliness...
03:32That's next to godliness...
03:34So's death...
03:37Come in...
03:44Come in...
03:53It's open...
03:57It's open...
03:58Oh god...
04:00Go on...
04:01Bennett...
04:02Are you deaf or what?
04:06What?
04:07What?
04:08Hey what's all this?
04:11Arthur...
04:12Arthur...
04:13If you value your front teeth...
04:15Think about something else...
04:16I'm Senior Gambetti...
04:17With love and gratis...
04:19Gonna recommend you to his friends...
04:21Before you know where you are...
04:22You'll be minding Sophie Loren...
04:24Listen...
04:26When you fixed me up...
04:27When you fixed me up with this maniac...
04:29Did you know that he was a sauna and massage freak?
04:32Get on...
04:33Yeah...
04:34For the last seven days I've been...
04:36Sweating cods in a steam oven...
04:38While a woman...
04:39Was trying to strangle me...
04:41Woman?
04:42She made King Kong look like Shirley Temple...
04:44Now did you...
04:45Come on...
04:46Own up...
04:47Did you know this?
04:48Yes or no?
04:49I did not know this Terry...
04:50I swear I didn't...
04:51On my sainted mother's grave...
04:54Now normally this would be okay for me Arthur...
04:57But I happen to know that your old mum is alive and well...
05:00And living in Frinton...
05:01Yeah...
05:02Well never mind that...
05:03I've got something else for you...
05:04Right up your street...
05:05For this my son...
05:06You hardly need to get out of bed...
05:07Good...
05:09Great...
05:12Who is it?
05:13Chris Bunnington?
05:16Cushy isn't in it...
05:17Pull the other one...
05:18It plays A Jude...
05:20His name's Stubbs...
05:22Albert Stubbs...
05:23He's just finished a fourth stretch for bank robbery...
05:25You're not listening to me are you Arthur?
05:26Look...
05:27His oppo's got 15 years apiece...
05:29All Stubbs did was drive the car and wash the loop...
05:31And...
05:32And here we come to what they call a nub Terry...
05:34Bury it...
05:35All 50 grand...
05:37What we've got here...
05:38Is a failure to communicate...
05:40Now look...
05:41His problem's gonna be...
05:42There's gonna be people who wanna know where he's put it...
05:45Well...
05:46Aren't you gonna ask me who?
05:47I've gotta give it to you Arthur...
05:49You are a trier...
05:51One of the gang was Charlie Mellors...
05:53Remember what the papers called him?
05:56Yeah...
05:58The Dillinger of Dagenham...
06:00No he's not the problem...
06:01It's his wife Rose...
06:02She's been asking Charlie for years where it's all in...
06:04But his lips are sealed...
06:06Marriage vows are not what they used to be Terry...
06:07I thought you said something about Cushy...
06:10Look...
06:11You mind Stubbs for one night...
06:12Maybe two at the most...
06:13Just give him time to arrange some corner of a...
06:15Foreign field that is forever mercy...
06:17Pick him up at the nick...
06:18Bring him back here...
06:19Lock the door...
06:20He's Crown Court and Jack and Ori all the way...
06:22Straight up...
06:23You'll never earn bread more easily...
06:24Yeah but it's well bent isn't it?
06:28Well bent?
06:29You know I'd never touch anything that was even a bit bent...
06:32Now look what are we doing?
06:33We are protecting a man who has paid his debt to society...
06:35From the unscrupulous clutches of others...
06:37Tell me that we aren't...
06:39I don't like it...
06:40I've heard about that Rose Mellors...
06:42She's bad news...
06:43Oh forget her...
06:45By the time she finds out you'll be long gone...
06:47She doesn't even know he's coming out...
06:48Nobody does...
06:50Except us...
06:54A couple more like this over there...
06:56Okay?
07:09Rose!
07:10Oi Rose!
07:13Rose!
07:17Here Rose!
07:18What is it Jack?
07:19Guess what?
07:20You joined the Bolshoi Ballet...
07:22You won't...
07:24What do I have to guess?
07:25Stubbs is coming out...
07:27You sure?
07:28Tomorrow...
07:30Here I'll have that...
07:34Sorry...
07:52Who's that?
08:11Who's that?
08:22There he is...
08:23There he is...
08:27Wah!
08:28The hills are alive...
08:29With the sound of the green...
08:30That's hiding...
08:31Oi...
08:32You Stubbs?
08:33Yeah?
08:34Yeah we'll cut the bleeding cabaret and get in...
08:35Bleh!
08:36The fools are alive, with the sound of the breeze, that's all right.
08:46Oi, you Stubbs? Yeah.
08:48Yeah, we'll cut the bleeding cabaret and get in.
08:55Come on, Jack, we're gonna lose him.
09:01Watch it!
09:02Get a move on, Jack.
09:05Oh, shut up, I'm doing it fast, ain't I?
09:08Look, you're losing him, move it!
09:12You Terry?
09:14I hope so, pal, for your sake.
09:32Nice one, Terry.
09:41Easiest bread you'll ever earn, he said. No-one else knows he's coming out.
09:44Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha. Tasty.
09:47Yeah, well, it's home.
09:48Here, Tom.
09:49Uh, Terry.
09:50Got any booze?
09:52Booze?
09:53It's called past nine in the morning.
09:54Not in Hawaii.
09:55Um, what, about a cup of tea?
09:58Listen, the nearest thing I've had to a drink in the last four years has half a pint of the
10:22Nearest thing I've had to a drink in the last four years
10:24is half a pint of aftershave to Christmas before last.
10:28Yeah, hold on.
10:33Ah, not exactly the Ritz cocktail bar, is it?
10:37No, not exactly.
10:41Here, Tom.
10:42Terry.
10:43You, uh, got any numbers?
10:46Numbers?
10:47Yeah, you know, nudge-nudge, wink-wink, sane and all.
10:51What are you on, Harry?
10:52Oh, blimey, O'Reilly, lad. Numbers.
10:54You know, turim.
10:55Swedish masseurs, correction and poetry reading, a speciality.
10:59Pimping comes extra.
11:01Stick it on the bill. Four years, sunshine.
11:05Now, listen, pal, it's time we had a little chat.
11:08Pub's still open at 11 o'clock.
11:09Now, listen, and listen good.
11:12While you're here, there'll be no pubs, no nookie, no nothing.
11:15Oh, stroll on, Tommy.
11:17You're getting closer.
11:18Sir, it's Terry.
11:21Now, come on, say it after me.
11:24Terry.
11:26Terry.
11:28Better.
11:29Well, I know nothing.
11:30Security.
11:31Oh, terrific.
11:34I get lumbered with Carruthers, MI5.
11:36No.
11:38I'm just the silly sod who agreed to mind you.
11:40And for some daft reason, I take my job seriously.
11:43So while you're here, which I hope is for a very short time,
11:47you will stay inside and there'll be no visitors.
11:49Got that?
11:50Might as well have stayed in prison.
11:52Yeah, but you didn't, did you?
11:53Four years is a long time.
11:55Eternity's longer, Sunbeam.
11:57And that's where you'll end up if Charlie Mellor's old woman gets her hands on you.
12:00Listen, Rose and me, we used to be like that.
12:03Oh, yeah.
12:05Who was on top?
12:07Listen, that was her this morning.
12:08Sure as guns are iron.
12:09And she'll try again.
12:12Don't that worry you?
12:13You're quite right, sport.
12:16I'm in your hands.
12:18Whatever you want.
12:22Uh, Arthur said you're fixing up somewhere abroad.
12:25As soon as I dig up the lettuce, yeah.
12:27Yeah, well, I don't want to know about that, OK?
12:29I'm strictly a minder.
12:32As far as I'm concerned, I'm just here to see that you don't cut yourself while you're shaving.
12:40Hello?
12:42Terry.
12:43Hello, Arthur.
12:46Everything go all right?
12:47Yeah, he's here.
12:49Uh, just one thing.
12:51What?
12:52Rose Mellor's was there.
12:54No.
12:55Yes, with some muscle.
12:57And the Dagenham girl pipers, for all I know.
12:59Look, what you do?
13:00Put an ad in the Daily Mirror.
13:02But you've got him away.
13:03You've got Stubbs away all right.
13:04Yeah, he's here.
13:05Good boy.
13:09Um, Arthur.
13:11Yeah?
13:12Well, has he got all his marbles?
13:15Albert?
13:16Sure, why?
13:17Well, he don't seem too concerned.
13:19And people in this situation aren't worried.
13:20Well, they worry me.
13:22Ah, he's probably still a bit stir-crazy.
13:24All that freedom's gone to his head.
13:26Look, he's, uh, asking me for a bit of how's your father.
13:29Well, prison does that to a bloke, Terry.
13:31Don't take offence.
13:33No girls.
13:34Oh.
13:35He wants a lady.
13:36Well, I don't suppose it will kill him.
13:38Well, no, but...
13:39Yeah, carry on the good work.
13:40Must go now.
13:41Bye-bye.
13:41Oh, hold on.
13:42Arthur.
13:43Listen, mate.
13:43I...
13:43Well, I don't know.
14:13there we are dear that's 150 lovely rose that piece if that don't bring your fella back he's
14:28not worth it well then jack who was it who's got him it wasn't packers mob they didn't even know
14:41was coming out today then who was it could have been the law i don't think so but spread the news
14:52around the street there's a century fool finds him yeah it could have been a bank copper you know
14:56maybe one who'd done a bit of a dodgy just spread the word jack i'll do the rest
15:02so
15:13hey stabs eight
15:34stabs
15:37oh no
15:42to charlie mellers and bernie packer two of the finest blokes
16:12it's been my privilege to know
16:13come landlord fill the flowing bowl a glass of your excellent ale
16:33hey the best
16:3352 gunner
16:3652 i suspect you've made an unwitting error there landlord
16:4032 perhaps
16:42where have you been lately squire where the average wage was 50p a week
16:46oh it's like that is it yes and if i'd known what was happening to the nation in my absence i'd have
16:50stayed inside 52 pence for a pint of bitter it's daylight robbery
16:54ah well you'd know more about that than me
16:56oh my aching ribs
16:58trades amuse auntie charlie'd appreciate that one so you knew charlie mellers and bernie packer eh
17:04yeah i'm wearing mine here
17:05yeah the dillinger i've dug in a pot
17:07how one comes to despise the gutter press
17:10cheerio
17:20you work with them then
17:22only still with the best that's my motto
17:25oh hey what's your game
17:26oh landlord allow me to introduce my associate
17:30hiya terry who's your friend
17:31may well ask
17:32come on on your toes we're going
17:33so now
17:35the end is near
17:37and as i reach
17:39the final curve
17:40you've got a right eejit there son
17:41i'll say that again
17:42he's been telling me he's a hard man
17:43between the ears
17:45come on
17:46go in
17:46go back to sleep
18:11you're safer
18:12but get his shoes off the bed
18:14oh i was dreaming
18:15i was back inside
18:17it was tuesday
18:18best day of the week
18:19cauliflower cheese for dinner
18:21yeah
18:22it's one goody after another in nick innit
18:24you done in he
18:25time
18:26listen what'd you tell mickey
18:28who
18:29mickey down the boozer
18:30ah nothing
18:31you do that again son
18:33and i'm gonna give you a slap
18:34do you understand
18:35yeah yeah
18:36sorry
18:37it's been a long time
18:38yeah so you keep saying
18:40right then back to the competition
18:56if you know the answer
18:58give us a ring right now
18:59on 246-8071
19:01the first correct answer
19:03wins a t-shirt
19:04and a car sticker
19:05i'll just repeat the question
19:06what famous picture
19:08finishes with the lines
19:09mother of mercy
19:11is this the end of rico
19:12let's hear from you now
19:14on 246-8071
19:16easy
19:17little caesar
19:19no son
19:35well well well
19:47we have a movie expert
19:48with us today
19:49the winning answer
19:50came through in 15 seconds
19:52would you believe
19:53and here is the lucky fella
19:55hello who's this
19:56hello
19:57your name sir
19:59albert
20:00albert studs
20:02all right albert
20:03what film ended with the line
20:05mother of mercy
20:06is this the end of rico
20:08little caesar
20:09starring edward g robinson
20:11made in 1931
20:12directed by mervyn leroy
20:14fantastic
20:16you must be in the film business
20:18albert
20:18no nothing like that
20:19last four years
20:20i've been in the nick
20:21just got out today
20:22oh shoot
20:23well well well
20:24it's your lucky day
20:25and no mistake
20:26tell me where you live
20:27albert
20:27and we can send you on
20:28the t-shirt
20:28and the car sticker
20:29flat 4
20:3014 langford road
20:33s
20:33you are out of your
20:34bleeding tree
20:35no no
20:35i always was good on films
20:37all right then come on
20:37what's your bloody lark
20:38what do you mean
20:39i know
20:40it's one of arthur's
20:41little jokes
20:42i'm on candy camera
20:43no no no
20:44it's nothing like that
20:45i just didn't think
20:46that's all
20:47sorry old son
20:47honest
20:48it's just like
20:49being out and all
20:50i can't handle it yet
20:51not for a bit
20:51you know what i mean
20:52what are you doing
20:53well thanks to your
20:55competitive spirit
20:56we've got to get out
20:57of here
20:57oh yeah
20:58i reckon
20:58this is a recording
21:00look there must be
21:02thousands of albert
21:03stubbses around
21:04oh yeah
21:06they've all done four
21:08years
21:08they all came out
21:08today
21:09and they're all nutters
21:10and i'm looking after
21:11every sodding one of them
21:12hello
21:14uh yeah hello
21:15um is arthur there
21:16please
21:16who
21:16daily
21:17arthur daily
21:17i'm afraid he's out
21:19at the moment
21:19oh well if he comes in
21:21could you ask him to
21:21phone terry please
21:22it's urgent
21:23yeah no
21:24ta-ra
21:25goodbye
21:25all that cauliflower cheese
21:32has scrambled your brain
21:33so um
21:35we're not moving then
21:38no
21:38i think we should
21:40oh and where should we
21:42go maestro
21:42fort Knox
21:43hey
21:46don't you want to see
21:48whether you made the news
21:49don't let go
21:52yes
21:57yes thank you
21:59we heard it too
22:00so did everyone else
22:01thanks for calling
22:04the what
22:06the reward
22:08only 100 just for
22:10listening to the radio
22:11jack you look like
22:15desperate damn
22:16mavernia
22:16go and serve
22:17hello
22:26yes yes we heard it as well
22:29thanks
22:30yeah well
22:31no
22:33don't bother
22:34we'll call you
22:35up yours too
22:38darling
22:38oh my god
22:42it's all right jack
22:46i'll serve the lady
22:47i've got a job for you
22:49hang on
22:53i'll marry you
22:53come on
22:54thanks
22:55i'll see you
22:55come on
22:56me
22:57start
22:57me
22:58or
22:58i'll see you
22:59about what
22:59i'll see you
23:00Sit down.
23:07Enjoy that channel.
23:22Oh, now, that's not fair.
23:24I want him.
23:25No, no, you don't.
23:26Yes, I do.
23:27I'm sorry, pal, you can't have him.
23:29Out of my way, Doris.
23:31Now, now, now, you know the rules.
23:33I'm minding him.
23:34Now, if I was to let you have him,
23:37well, my reputation would be shot, wouldn't it?
23:39I wouldn't get a job anywhere, would I?
23:41Now, you know that, don't you?
23:43Look, I can explain.
23:49It's not this for a game of soldiers.
23:52Where's been your guy?
23:53Leave off. I've had enough.
23:55You've had enough. Listen, sir.
23:57Do you want some at all?
23:58No, look, I can explain everything.
24:00Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
24:13Would you go through to the conservatory, please, gentlemen?
24:20Wholesalers.
24:20What are you trying to do, ruin me?
24:34There you are.
24:35You're on what?
24:37You are.
24:38Who's your girlfriend?
24:40Oh, leave off, Rose. It's Stubbs, isn't it?
24:43Oh, Jack.
24:44Look, I can explain everything.
24:47In other words, this ain't Stubbs.
24:51Not in other words, Jack.
24:52Those are the words.
24:54Who's this, then?
24:55Martin Borman, for all I care.
24:59Now, beating me up won't help.
25:00You want money on it.
25:01No, wait a minute. Put him down, sir.
25:09All right, mate, love.
25:11What's your real name?
25:13George.
25:15George Wilson.
25:16Calm down.
25:22Now, then.
25:24Why don't you tell me why you've been going around
25:27calling yourself Albert Stubbs?
25:34You'll wear that watch out, Albert.
25:37Can't we get started?
25:38It's still daylight.
25:39It won't be when we get there.
25:41Look, you've waited four years.
25:42Another four hours isn't going to hurt.
25:44Take your coat off.
25:46There's another one in the fridge.
25:56This is a recording.
25:58Mr. Arthur Daly is out of prison.
26:00You can't wait to get back inside, can you, Albert?
26:18I've done my bird.
26:19They can't do you twice for the same job.
26:20The moment you touch that money, you're handling stolen property.
26:24You should have got a job in the library, my son.
26:27Boned up on the law.
26:30I knew a fellow once.
26:31Did a wages snatch.
26:32Found a nice quiet field.
26:34Shoved the tank in a deep hole just before he was nabbed.
26:36Just like you.
26:37Came back five years later to dig it up.
26:39And?
26:40Got down for obstruction.
26:42What?
26:42Where he'd buried it was now under the fast lane of the M4.
26:47I really need to hear that.
26:51Here's another fellow I knew.
26:52As a conversationalist, Arthur, you leave a lot to be desired.
26:56Just trying to pass the time.
26:57How's your mucker doing?
26:59Oh, don't worry about Terry.
27:00He knows his job.
27:01What's this?
27:19I've been looking everywhere for you.
27:20Why is your blur on answer phone?
27:22What are you doing here?
27:24What do you want first, Arthur?
27:25The bad news or the really bad news?
27:27What's happened?
27:29Well, open the door.
27:31It's Stubbs.
27:36What's happened?
27:37I've lost him.
27:38Lost him where?
27:40Arthur, the man is mad.
27:42It's a pedigree basket case.
27:44You know what?
27:44He only got his name and address announced on the bleeding radio.
27:50Who's this?
27:50Ah.
27:53Albert.
27:56Albert Stubbs.
27:57Look, I'm sorry.
28:01I'm not quite with you, mate.
28:02The, uh, the real one.
28:06The real one?
28:07Yeah.
28:09Well, who was the geezer I've been minding?
28:11Ah, well, uh...
28:12Well?
28:13Come on, who's that clown who's been sending me round a twist?
28:16Decoy.
28:18Decoy?
28:18Oh, this is interesting.
28:22This is very interesting.
28:24Well, no, you see, Albert here knew there'd be some people waiting for him when he came
28:27out, so he did a deal with another bloke who looked a bit similar, who was coming out
28:31on the same day, so that he could sort of, uh, draw their fire, so to speak.
28:35And where, so to speak, do you fit in?
28:39Coordinator, that's all.
28:40Where's Wilson?
28:42Who's Wilson?
28:43George Wilson.
28:44Your man.
28:45One of the best con men in the business.
28:49Arthur.
28:51I should smack you.
28:53Now, you've got no right to use me like this.
28:55I suppose it never occurred to you to let me in on it.
28:57No, no, listen, son, I'm sorry, but I was following the need-to-know principle.
29:01The what?
29:02Well, the less you know, the less you can tell.
29:03It's all a rage in MI5.
29:07I see.
29:08Well, okay, working on your principle, all you need to know is that half an hour ago,
29:14Rose Mellor's minder hit me on the back of the head and snatched your George Bleeding
29:18Ross name, who probably by now is on his way to the great con game in the sky.
29:23Telling them where you bloody live.
29:25No, no, George wouldn't do that.
29:27Are you kidding?
29:28Have you seen her minder?
29:29He'd make Arpo Marks talk.
29:31No, George wouldn't do that.
29:33You can't.
29:33You don't know where I live.
29:34They know your name.
29:36You're in the book.
29:37Ex-directory.
29:38What, you?
29:39Yeah.
29:40Kept getting all these obscene phone calls from women.
29:43Get the car.
29:44We're off.
29:45Hold on.
29:46Nobody's going anywhere.
29:48What do you say?
29:49Look, you set me up minding a geezer, right?
29:51And I lost him.
29:53Now, I dare say to one of the world's great coordinators, this don't mean a lot.
29:57Or, of course, to the Birdman of Alcatraz.
29:59But to me, it does.
30:01You see, Arthur, first of all, I don't like being made a fool of.
30:04Secondly, I hate being bopped on the head.
30:06And thirdly, I don't like losing clients.
30:10So until he comes back, we're not going anywhere, okay?
30:13You're going to stop us, are you?
30:15How do you feel about cauliflower cheese every Tuesday for another ten years?
30:21Right.
30:22So until I find George, I'm going to phone you every half an hour.
30:27And if I get a recorded message, or no answer, the next number I dial is 999.
30:37Oh, dear.
30:38Is that all you can say?
30:39Oh, dear.
30:40I should have told him.
30:42He's awfully pissed off.
30:44I'm surrounded by morons.
30:46I bet you're Terry.
30:56No, no, I'm just the window cleaner.
30:59I'm Mrs Mellors.
31:01You can call me Rose.
31:05You've got something of mine, Rose?
31:07George is all right, don't worry.
31:10He and Jack are having a chat back at my place.
31:13That wasn't very nice, was it?
31:17I'll pay for it.
31:19Just as soon as I collect what I'm due.
31:22I was just going to put the kettle on.
31:24You take the weight off your feet.
31:25You've had a busy day.
31:28How's your head?
31:30Wonderful.
31:32Listen, why don't you just halve it with stubs?
31:37Do you think I'm after copying the lot?
31:40Aren't you?
31:40Do I look like a dishonest person, Terry?
31:45Well, do I?
31:47No, Rose.
31:48You look incredibly honest.
31:51I bring my children up to share and share alike.
31:55That's all I ever wanted.
31:57So what's the problem?
31:59Charlie, my husband.
32:02Well?
32:03Well, when he finds out Albert's carved out the money with me,
32:06he'll go spare.
32:07Albert knows that.
32:09He wouldn't be safe in Guatemala.
32:12Oh.
32:13You see, he thinks that I'll spend it all before he and Bernie Packer get out.
32:16No.
32:17Yeah.
32:18Listen, why don't you just put it in a building society?
32:20That's what I told him.
32:22Invest it, I said.
32:23Keep it out of inflation.
32:25But he never was much of an invested fellow, Charlie.
32:29So, you see the score?
32:30Yeah, yeah.
32:33You're very good looking, aren't you?
32:37Still, I suppose you know that.
32:39Well, a man's got to believe in something, hasn't he?
32:41What do you know about flowers?
32:46They're plastic and they come in vases.
32:48Oh, quite a little Percy Thrower, aren't you?
32:52Well, what about flowers?
32:54Well, I run this gardening centre.
32:57It's a nice place.
32:59You need someone to help me manage it.
33:01It's good money.
33:02It's tempting.
33:06How's business?
33:08Bloomy.
33:14Hello, Arthur.
33:15Yes, Terry, it's me.
33:17We're still here.
33:18How's it going?
33:19Hello?
33:24This bloke is yours.
33:26Terry?
33:26Yeah, what's he like?
33:27Sword of the earth.
33:28You know what I mean.
33:28Can you trust him?
33:30To do what?
33:31He could turn me into Rosie Miller.
33:32I just heard a hell of it.
33:33She's got quite a persuasive manner when she wants.
33:36Nah.
33:38He wouldn't do that.
33:42Nah.
33:43Not Terry.
33:56Now then, love.
33:58Where's this Arthur Daly live?
34:01You give me George, and I'll tell you.
34:07Deal.
34:07Deal.
34:07No.
34:13Close it.
34:15No.
34:15No.
34:17No.
34:25No.
34:25Hey, Terry, how long are you going to keep this up?
34:39Arthur, look, just shut up and listen for a while.
34:49Er, is that somebody in the shop?
34:52No, it's no, er...
34:57How do you do that?
35:06Oh, it's just a fluke.
35:08Come on, she'll go.
35:14You, on your toes.
35:18It's all right, Jack, it's all right.
35:19You've got to go to Arthur's. He's got your money now.
35:22Here's the address.
35:23No hanging around, you've got to go around there immediately.
35:25Take my car, it's just outside.
35:26When you get there, park outside Arthur's house
35:28and put the keys in the exhaust pipe, all right?
35:30Go on, swing your up.
35:32We've just got to let him go like that.
35:35Now, you've got to be very quiet.
35:38You are.
35:39I'm very angry with you.
35:40You broke down my door, you hit me when I wasn't looking.
35:43Now, one of these days, you're going to go over the top
35:45and I'm going to have to teach you a list.
35:46I told you, love, I'll pay for all the damage.
35:49Rose, he's barmy.
35:52Now, look, no more messing about.
35:54I'll get my side of the bargain.
35:56Yeah, that's true.
35:57What about yours? Where's Albert?
35:58You're going to believe him, Rose.
36:00Oh, I always believe what fellas tell me.
36:03When I first met Charlie, he told me he was working in banking.
36:06Rose, right? Arthur of fashion.
36:08Rose, I'm not going to tell you where Arthur lives.
36:12What?
36:13I'm going to take you there.
36:15That way, Tarzan, if I don't deliver, we can have some fun.
36:18All right?
36:19Oh, certainly.
36:22Round and around the bleeding houses.
36:26Yeah, well, it's not far now.
36:27You've said that half hour ago.
36:29Here?
36:30Yeah, here.
36:32And then first left, and then first right.
36:37First left.
36:38That's this hand.
36:39You watch it.
36:42Look, Fittipaldi, why don't you just watch the road and drive?
36:47You wouldn't be having me on, would you?
36:49Where now?
36:50There, right.
36:52This could be the end of a beautiful friendship.
36:55We'll still have Paris, sweetheart.
36:59That's it.
37:00Just up here on the left.
37:02Thank you, James.
37:03This'll do nicely.
37:09What floor's he on?
37:14It's, hold on.
37:15There they are.
37:16That's Arthur.
37:17And that's Albert.
37:19Are you sure this time?
37:20Yeah, that's him, no mistake.
37:22Where are they off to?
37:24I'll give you two guesses.
37:27I'll tell you what, Rose.
37:28If you were to follow them, I think all your troubles would be over.
37:31Come on, Jack.
37:33Be careful.
37:34Oh, my God.
38:04All right, lads.
38:11Cheers.
38:23All right, Stubbsy, come on.
38:25The Pokemon's gone.
38:34Arthur said this was your idea.
38:43Yep, that's right.
38:44I'll tell you what, my decoy's better than yours.
38:50I'm charging danger money for this, Arthur.
38:54Well, in overtime, at least.
38:56Keep trying, George.
38:58Where are we going?
39:00Let's call it a mystery tour.
39:16Oh!
39:17Walton Green's down the road.
39:18Tell you what, I wouldn't have been surprised if there wasn't a bleeding great housing estate here.
39:29You and your mate have got a marvellous sense of humour.
39:32Come on.
39:38I knew a bloke once.
39:39Came back to dig up some money.
39:41Yeah, and it was under the M4.
39:42No, no, nothing like that.
39:43No, it dug it up, all right.
39:45What was left of it.
39:46What do you mean?
39:47Mice.
39:49Oh, yeah?
39:50Yeah.
39:51It's in the Guinness Book of Records.
39:53Most expensive mice nest in the world.
39:55Lined with 40,000 quid.
39:59Come on.
40:00It's got to be it.
40:22Away you go, then.
40:25We'll take it in turns, yeah?
40:27No way.
40:27I've stuck my neck out enough for you.
40:29Anyway, you need the exercise.
40:40They're going to clock something's wrong soon, Arthur.
40:42They've got to.
40:45We're halfway to bleeding Luton.
40:48Just keep him in sight, Jack.
40:49Hey, Peter!
41:01Why don't you send up a flare so everyone will know we're here.
41:04Come on, give us a hand.
41:08We'll open it to your place.
41:10Oh, yeah.
41:10Come on, grab all.
41:11I suppose you'll put Charlie Mellor's and Bernie Packer's share back later, will you?
41:22I'll look after it for them.
41:23I bet you will.
41:25I'd rather you than me, mate.
41:27Of course, big enough, isn't it?
41:28Hold on.
41:31It's 50 grand in there.
41:34I heard it was 60.
41:35And the bloke who washed it took 10 in commission.
41:3810 grand?
41:41Gordon Bennett, talk about robbers robbing and robbers.
41:43I had no choice, had I?
41:45The money with Nick was in brand new tens.
41:46He changed it into used rancers.
41:48That's why I needed a big box.
41:50Have you ever seen 50,000 quid in one pound notes?
41:52No, not recently.
41:54Come on.
42:03Come on!
42:04Come on!
42:08Isn't it lovely?
42:24It'd be even lovelier when it's out of here.
42:26How am I going to shift it?
42:30You need a sack.
42:31Leave off, I'll look like bleeding Santa Claus.
42:33Well, that, as they say, pal, is your problem.
42:36But it leaves here fast.
42:38Right now, in fact.
42:39But what am I going to carry it in?
42:43We'll give you a hand, Albert.
42:45I've got to get that door mended.
42:47Anyone can walk in here.
42:49Oh, Terry, I should have your luck.
42:52How's that?
42:53Well, I mean, you've been here and all with the money.
42:56Fantastic.
42:57And there was Jack when he found out you put us on a wild old goose chase,
43:00saying how he was going to reach down your throat,
43:02grab hold of your knees and turn you inside out.
43:06I had to close my ears.
43:08Yeah.
43:09Well, he's always had a vivid imagination, young Jack, hasn't he?
43:11Yeah.
43:13Still, as we're all here with the money,
43:15we'll forget all about it.
43:17You know I'm a dead man, Rose.
43:19Charlie's going to kill me over this.
43:20The weather's nice in Brazil this time of year, Albert.
43:23Give Ronnie Biggs a ring, you can dust down on his veranda.
43:28Have you got any old grocery bags, dear?
43:29Something to put this lot in?
43:33Ours is it, then, Rose?
43:34You're getting close, Albert.
43:36You're warm.
43:37Thirds?
43:38I'll take Charlie's share.
43:40And I'll put Bernie's in the woolwich.
43:41Be a nice little nest egg when he comes out.
43:44Charlie's not going to like this.
43:45He's going to be mad as hell.
43:45Well, I shouldn't be surprised if he gets someone to have a go at you, Rosie.
43:49No, he won't.
43:50Not when I tell him.
43:51Tell him what?
43:52Well, that you copped the lot, of course.
43:54Oh, Rosie.
43:56You wouldn't tell him that.
44:08Terry!
44:09What's all this?
44:10Well, well.
44:11Old home week.
44:12Well, I'll say goodbye, everybody.
44:15Oh, anybody want any flowers or plants, I'll give 50% off to friends.
44:20It's all right, Jack.
44:20I'll take that one.
44:24That rose?
44:25Er, what about me?
44:27Oh.
44:30Terry, I want you to know that what happened this afternoon between us
44:35was the loveliest, most wonderful experience of my life.
44:39And I'll never forget you.
44:42I meant the door.
44:49I meant the door.
45:04You didn't.
45:07Terry.
45:08Terry.
45:08Terry.
45:12Two bottles of vintage shampoo.
45:15Stole on, that was sparkly Nigerian.
45:17Vintage shampoo, transport, a lot of transport, petrol, lunch, Havana cigars.
45:22What with you, Rose Mellor's, and inflation, it was hardly bloody worth it.
45:36And groceries.
45:38Petrol.
45:39Four cans of Guinness, the big ones.
45:41Half a dozen phone calls and a pot of tea.
45:43And one shovel.
45:44Tell her then, Albert.
45:50Now look after yourself and be very careful.
45:52There are a lot of very shady customers about.
45:54By the time I've paid George, I'll be out of the pocket on this one.
45:57Yeah, and bought a few pints.
45:58Come on, they're open.
46:00I don't know why I bother to help people.
46:02With no appreciation.
46:04No, it's like the man said, innit?
46:06You can't win them all.
46:08That's a bit of wisdom, that is, Arthur.
46:11Arthur!
46:12Still your round!
46:20Gentlemen.
46:21Mickey.
46:22This may amaze you, but Mr Daly is going to buy a drink.
46:25So we want two pints of best, two whiskey chases, a cigar, sir.
46:30One large vodka and slimline, one lager.
46:32Finito.
46:33You've got the longest pockets and the thickest arms that I've ever seen.
46:38Yeah.
46:39Who's your all?
46:39I'm in.
46:40Mate.
46:41Leave it out.
46:42What was that all about, then?
46:44Do I ask you when you're watering the beer?
46:49Thanks.
46:51Well, Mr D, to crime.
46:54Cut that out.
46:55Hey, just a minute.
46:56Not these ones.
46:57What?
46:58These.
46:59They're no good.
47:00Eh?
47:01Oh, what's the matter with them?
47:01What do you mean, no good?
47:03Well, those are the old ones, aren't they?
47:05So?
47:06Oh, well, you wouldn't have noticed, Mr Rockefeller, dealing only in twenties, but we changed over
47:09once in 1978.
47:11These aren't legal tender anymore.
47:13Since when?
47:13Since June the 1st.
47:15Why not?
47:15Well, they were all pulled in, weren't they?
47:18What am I going to do with all these?
47:19It's the truth.
47:20Have you found Captain Morgan's treasure or something?
47:22Um, are you trying to tell me we can't spend it?
47:26What you do is, you step down the bank of England, you fill in a form, and they'll change
47:31them for you, if you're lucky.
47:35Oh, dear.
47:37Oh, dear.
47:38Oh, dear.
47:39I'm bloody glad you can see the funny side of it.
47:42No, it's quite simple, Arthur.
47:44All you've got to do is step over to the bank of England, throw in a few farms, and you're
47:49giving them money for it.
47:51Don't know where you've got all this lot, anyway.
47:53They're nearly all out of circulation.
47:54I haven't seen one for ages.
47:56What's the matter, Terry?
47:58I'll tell you what.
48:01Here.
48:02For charity.
48:04Arthur.
48:07You can go fill in a few forms, and you can go to the bank of England.
48:10I don't even know where it is.
48:13I think I'd like to go home, no.
48:15No.
48:24If you want to, I'll change the situation.
48:48Right people, right time, just the wrong location.
49:00I've got a good idea.
49:04Just you keep me near.
49:06I'll be so good for you.
49:08I could be so good for you.
49:10I'm gonna help you.
49:12Love you like you wanted to.
49:14I'll do anything for you.
49:18I'll be so good for you.
49:20I could be so good for you.
49:23I'll do it like you wanted to.
49:25Love you like you wanted to.
49:27There ain't no luck that can go through.
49:31I'll be so good for you.
49:33I'll be so good for you.
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