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00:28It's up
00:29I've pressed it. Oh. I've pressed it. So have I. Oh, well, third time lucky, eh? Good evening. I wonder
00:49if it's still raining outside. It was piss-pelting down my eye, all right?
00:57Oh, well, soon find out, eh?
01:08They certainly take their time in these lifts, don't they? Cool.
01:14Well, that's progress for you. You used to have a rope going through a hole in the floor. You pulled
01:19it. Still, better than these glass ones going up and down outside these new buildings. It's like being in a
01:26spirit level.
01:26Oh. I wonder if it's still raining outside. It's cold enough in here.
01:43Good evening, George. Hello, Gwen. Hello, Roger. Going well tonight? Very nicely, thanks.
01:48Hello. Ever noticed you on this floor before? Are you a visitor or do you work for the old firm?
01:54I'm a secretary. I only started this week. Oh. Roger Taylor-Jones is the name. Producer. Up you go. Thursday
02:02magazine. Ain't life wonderful? Ain't life wonderful? It's my favourite programme.
02:07Yes, it is most people's. Fifteen million viewers. That's not bad. Of course, when I took it over, it only
02:15had five. Perhaps I'll have the opportunity of working together sometime.
02:20Oh, I do hope so. Well, we'll see what we can do, eh? Oh, this is taking ages. Anyone press
02:29the button? We all have.
02:32Yes, well, it doesn't seem to have done much good, does it? Let me have a go. No good pressing
02:37it. It'll come when it's ready.
02:41It's coming up. Yes, I thought it would.
02:46There's nothing marvellous in that. How do you know it was your finger on the button?
02:50There's no need to take that attitude. I'm not taking any attitude. I just don't see how you can stand
02:55there and take credit for it.
02:56It could just as easily have been me who pressed the button. It just happens to be ready to come
03:01up at that particular time.
03:02It's all right. No need to make a song and dance about it. I'm not making a song and dance
03:06about it.
03:07I just don't like your tone of voice. The way you imply only comes up here because it knows you're
03:12here and that we are nothing.
03:14Yes, well, let's just forget it, shall we? As long as it's coming up, that's all that matters.
03:19Yes, well...
03:20Hello. It's stopped on the fourth floor.
03:22It's all right. It's picking somebody up.
03:25It's on the move again.
03:27It's gone back down. Clever, Dick. I'll say no more.
03:33Hello, an intrepid bird man.
03:37I beg your pardon?
03:38You an actor, then? Remaking the damn busters, are they?
03:42I've been on a documentary. NATO involvement in Bosnia.
03:45I've just left the hospitality suite.
03:48Not before time. Talk about the first of the few.
03:52Are you trying to be offensive?
03:54Me? I wouldn't know how.
03:57Well, what's happening? What's wrong? Trouble with the lift? Anybody press the button?
04:02Do you know we hadn't thought of that?
04:06Press the button, you see? The military mind.
04:10Of course we've pressed the button.
04:12What do you think we've been doing? Trying to pull it up by the cable?
04:15Well, let me have a go. Perhaps you haven't been pushing it hard enough.
04:18Yeah, go on. You have a go, then.
04:19Pretend you're launching a missile. You'd enjoy that.
04:23Five, four, three, two, one.
04:28Nope, still on the launching pad.
04:31Use as much use as you will.
04:33Oh, I've just about had enough of you.
04:34I suggest when we get downstairs, we sort this out in the fitness club.
04:37Listen, Sonny, don't show off in front of the young lady.
04:40I may look a mug, but I know how to handle meself.
04:42See this? Lethal.
04:45I don't usually muck about with amateurs, but I'm open to offers, all right?
04:47Oh, do be quiet.
04:49Two grown men behaving in such an idiotic fashion.
04:51I'm sorry, but this person is deliberately trying to provoke me.
04:54Yes, that's quite true, he is.
04:56You ought to be ashamed of yourself.
04:58A man of your age.
04:59I'm not a man of my age.
05:02I'm more a man of his age.
05:03I'm only trying to defend meself
05:05against an unprovoked and unpremeditated attack
05:08from this Armani-suited lagerl out here.
05:10No, just watch it, all right?
05:11All right, you want to have a go? Come on, then.
05:12Here's me chin, isn't it?
05:13Come on, whatever.
05:14Sorry, I'll be straight in.
05:16Good evening.
05:18I see Top the Pops is finished.
05:25Anything wrong?
05:26No, no, just a slight divergence of opinion.
05:29Been working, have you?
05:31Yes, my first television.
05:32The producer was quite pleased.
05:34Said I was quite powerful.
05:37Oh, you might do some more, then.
05:38You really think so?
05:39Oh, yes, powerful parsons are very hard to come by.
05:42Anyway, what were you working?
05:44Pardon?
05:45What was your subject?
05:46What were you talking about?
05:47Oh, I was kindly invited to give my opinion
05:49on the ordination of women into the church.
05:51Oh, I'm all for it.
05:52At least the choir boys will feel safer.
05:56Anyone press the button?
05:58Yes, we all have, but it's fallen upon stony ground, as they say in the good book.
06:04Well, perhaps the fact right.
06:05By all means, the ecclesiastical digit may be just what's required.
06:14He's done it.
06:15By Jove, he's done it.
06:17Congratulations.
06:18Muscle's about.
06:19There's nothing.
06:19Let's just wait until it gets here, shall we?
06:21Remember what happened last time.
06:25Good evening.
06:26We apologise for the inconvenience.
06:28Slight technical problem.
06:29All sorted now.
06:33After you, Vicar.
06:35Join your flock.
06:36Biggest congregation you've had all year.
06:38Try that, Tom.
06:40What's wrong?
06:41I'm afraid you'll have to get out, sir.
06:42What do you mean, get out?
06:43I assume you can read, sir.
06:45This lift is constructed to carry eight persons.
06:48We are nine.
06:49You'll have to get out and walk.
06:50I should do no such thing.
06:51I'm afraid you'll have to.
06:52You were the last one in.
06:53I'm not getting out.
06:54There's room for another six people in here.
06:55It's not a question of space, sir.
06:57It's a question of weight ratio.
06:59Are you implying I'm portly?
07:02Who are you, anyway?
07:03I've never seen you before.
07:04I am a member of the public, and I've got 27 shares in this company, so watch it.
07:09What are you doing up here?
07:10Well, I've been to see a show.
07:12I've changed my role from a couch potato to that of a moronic member of a brain studio
07:17audience.
07:19I applied for a ticket to see Scylla, and I was palmed off with some old pony who got
07:24that, done that, been there, what's next?
07:26I produced that.
07:27Yeah, my wish I could.
07:29You can't hang about here all night.
07:31For God's sake, let him stay.
07:32Yes, let him stay.
07:33All right, all right.
07:34I'm not taking any responsibility for what may happen.
07:37If this lift plummets like a stone and shatters to pieces on the basement floor, it's
07:41nothing to do with me.
07:42Is that agreed?
07:43Yes, let's go.
07:44Yes, come on, let's get on with it.
07:45Right, be it on your own heads.
07:59What are we stopped for?
08:00It's stuck.
08:01It can't be stuck.
08:02It's stuck.
08:02It's stuck between floors.
08:04Oh, let's go up and start again, then.
08:05It won't go up.
08:06It won't go up or down.
08:08We're stuck.
08:09It's your fault, you great fat lump.
08:11It's stuck.
08:12Well, there's a second reference you've made to my size, and I object to it.
08:16Well, I shall make a third.
08:17You are a great big fat overweight lump, and you've made my lift stick.
08:22You've overstepped yourself, sunshine.
08:23I'm asking you to step outside and give me satisfaction.
08:25How can we step outside, you great big-headed pillock?
08:28We're stuck.
08:30Do you mind watching your language?
08:32Oh, ladies' presence.
08:33Yes, you should have thought of that before you've forced your way into the lift.
08:35Oh, I've had my fill of you.
08:37Bits of kids straight out of the grouchos just because you get your name in the radio time.
08:40Gentlemen, gentlemen, this won't help us get the lift started.
08:43No.
08:44No, of course.
08:45You're right, Vic.
08:47Oh, and the words of my old school song,
08:50Let's All Pull Together.
08:52Right then, squire, it's all yours.
08:54Ladies and gentlemen, there is no cause for alarm.
08:57I'm about to initiate the emergency procedure.
08:59As a qualified lift maintenance operator, I've been issued with a key.
09:04Congratulations.
09:04Now, this may cause a violent jolting of the cage.
09:08It would help to absorb the impact if you're all to bend your legs.
09:11At the knees.
09:15All right.
09:16Insert key.
09:18Press the button.
09:23Yeah, well, there seems to be something wrong with the emergency button as well.
09:25You can all stand up straight.
09:27What are we going to do?
09:28This is ridiculous.
09:29I'm a doctor.
09:30I have to get out of here.
09:31I have patients to attend to.
09:32There must be something you can do.
09:35You're overweight.
09:36That's your trouble.
09:37When you start, you'll have him off about his nine persons again.
09:40You seem to have exhausted the mechanical possibilities of getting us out of this mess.
09:43I suggest we all shout for help.
09:45Somebody's bound to here.
09:46Good idea.
09:46The man's a tactical genius.
09:49I never agreed with those defence cuts in the first place.
09:52Good idea.
09:53Shout for help.
09:54All right.
09:55Take your cue from me.
09:56One, two, three, four.
09:58Help!
10:00Help!
10:02Help!
10:05Help!
10:06Help!
10:09Help!
10:12Help!
10:14Help!
10:14Help!
10:17Help!
10:19Help!
10:21That's no good.
10:22Must be soundproof.
10:24No one's taken a blind bit of notice.
10:27What's the time?
10:29Half past twelve.
10:30Oh, well.
10:31That's it, then.
10:32There's nobody left on duty now.
10:33They all lock up and go home at midnight.
10:35We're the only people left in the building.
10:37Do you realise that?
10:38Do you mean we have to wait here till someone comes on duty in the morning?
10:41Yeah.
10:42Unless we can get the lift repaired.
10:43Oh, for crying out loud.
10:45We can't stay here till eight o'clock in the morning.
10:47We shall be asphyxiated.
10:50That is the right word, isn't it?
10:52Yes.
10:53Yes, I thought it was.
10:54Well, come on, man.
10:55You're in charge.
10:56Do something.
10:56I think I'm going to paint.
10:58You can't, dear.
10:59There's no room.
11:00Stand back.
11:01Stand back.
11:02I'm a doctor.
11:03Yes, we know you're a doctor.
11:05You've mentioned nothing else since you got here.
11:07I don't understand you.
11:08I don't go round blabbing about what I am.
11:10I think we've reached an opinion as to what you are.
11:13Please be quiet.
11:15Stand clear.
11:16She needs air.
11:17Take the shoes off.
11:19Stand it up.
11:20Sit down here.
11:21All right.
11:22That's it.
11:23Gently.
11:24There we are.
11:27Don't worry.
11:29I'll keep me eye on her.
11:30I think you can depend on me.
11:32Proficiency badge, first aid, beaver patrol, East Surrey Scouts.
11:37I'm two weeks behind the goal of a stretcher at Stamford Bridge.
11:41I think you can rely upon me in an emergency.
11:44I'm not anticipating any emergencies.
11:46Oh, you never know.
11:47There's some very dodgy people among us.
11:50Take him, for instance.
11:52I've seen his tight before.
11:54It's all show.
11:55It's all on top.
11:56Nothing in here.
11:57Crack like a dry sticky wood.
12:00Are you talking about me?
12:01No, no.
12:02It's all right.
12:02Carry on.
12:03See what I mean?
12:05Hey, G.
12:06He'll start twitching in a minute.
12:08He'll be shaking within the hour.
12:10By our past three, he'll be raving bonkers.
12:13When he starts going, I recommend a quick belt across the chin.
12:16I'll do it now, shall I?
12:17No, no, no, no.
12:19Just keep quiet and everything will be all right.
12:22Okay.
12:23It occurs to me that perhaps we ought to appoint someone to take charge.
12:29And I feel that the air marshal, with his vast experience of commanding men in dangerous
12:35situations, is the right man for the job.
12:37Yeah, yeah.
12:38He's at his chance.
12:40All cry for help.
12:42He hasn't got my confidence.
12:44Listen, you.
12:45If it hadn't been for you, we wouldn't be in this mess in the first place.
12:47It's your incompetent mending of the lift that's done it.
12:50You want to take early retirement.
12:52In the name of God, hand your screwdriver in.
12:55You're immense.
12:56Ladies and gentlemen, we mustn't give way under the strain.
12:59Nothing will be achieved if we squabble among ourselves.
13:02Yes, yes, I agree.
13:03Well, air marshal, any ideas?
13:05Yes, let's see what Biggles has to say.
13:07Please, if you mind, air marshal.
13:11Yes, well.
13:14Well, the way I see it is, we're in a hole.
13:21You want to get out of it.
13:24So what I suggest is this.
13:26We hack a hole in the roof.
13:30Two of us climb out.
13:33One stands on the other's shoulders.
13:36And forces open the doors on the floor above.
13:39Any questions?
13:41Oh, yes.
13:42And that's it, is it?
13:43Yes?
13:44Good.
13:45So if you'd all kindly put on your dark goggles,
13:47the air marshal here will step forward with his oxyacetylene cutter
13:50and have us out of here in no time.
13:52You wally.
13:54It's metal.
13:55How are you going to hack your way out of that?
13:57Dear, oh, dear.
13:58I think he's had his finger on the button all these years.
14:00What are we going to do?
14:05What's that?
14:09No?
14:10You mean you've had a phone in here all this time?
14:12Shh, I'm on the phone.
14:13Sorry.
14:14No?
14:15Oh, hi, Lucinda.
14:17Lunch tomorrow?
14:18Yeah, yeah, I can do.
14:20San Lorenzo's?
14:21I can get a table.
14:22Never mind get a table.
14:23Tell her to get the fire brigade, hello.
14:26No, it's Paul.
14:28No, I'm not coming.
14:31I'm more of a Langan's man, meself.
14:34Really?
14:35Well, that's funny, because the other day, you know...
14:36For heaven's sake, I was going to get help.
14:38Oh, yes, of course, yeah.
14:39Hello.
14:41Hello?
14:43Hello!
14:44300 pounds work!
14:45Mind my lift, will you?
14:46The battery's dead.
14:49That's all we need.
14:50We'll all be dead.
14:51Well, she's a right drag, this one.
14:54Have you got any new batteries?
14:56Yes, I have.
14:57Where are they?
14:58In my office.
15:00Vicar, what are your views on premature euthanasia?
15:04Premature what?
15:05Yes, all right, you're such a smart-ass.
15:08Perhaps you can come up with something.
15:09Yes, I can.
15:11Doctor, what have you got in that bag of yours?
15:13Do you got any sleeping pills?
15:14Yes.
15:15Right, two each all round, let's forget about it.
15:16No, no, I've got to get out of here.
15:19I can't stay in here till morning.
15:21I'll get out!
15:22I'm suffocating, I'm suffocating, I can't stand it!
15:26My wife has claustrophobia.
15:29Oh, I see.
15:29That's a handy thing to have on a lift, isn't it?
15:32If you kindly keep your tasteless remarks to yourself.
15:35Here, give her these.
15:36It's all right.
15:37It should be all right.
15:38Party going.
15:40Well, have you got any other brilliant ideas?
15:43Yes, I have.
15:45Circumstances being what they are,
15:47I think we should put my second plan into action.
15:49And that is?
15:50We all jump up and down.
15:52We'll jump up and down.
15:53Yeah.
15:54It'll shift it a bit quicker, that's all.
15:56We'll go down a bit faster,
15:57and the way she's going, the quicker the better.
15:59Supposing the bottom falls out?
16:01Supposing the cable snaps?
16:02Supposing we hurtle to the bottom of the lift shaft?
16:04You've hit upon the one weakness in its whole scheme, haven't you?
16:07But surely the bottom won't fall out.
16:09I mean, look at it.
16:10It's solidly made.
16:12The cable's made to take heavy loads.
16:14The whole structure is a triumph for British engineering.
16:17Yes, perhaps you're right.
16:18Let's hand the pills around.
16:20Well, I think it's worth trying.
16:22Well, in that case, so do I.
16:23We might as well give it a go.
16:24Anything to get us out of this blastered box?
16:26All right, then, let's do it.
16:28Take a cue from me.
16:30One, two, three, four, jump!
16:33Jump!
16:35Jump!
16:36Jump!
16:39Jump!
16:40Jump!
16:42Jump!
16:42Jump!
16:43Jump!
16:43Jump!
16:43Jump!
16:44Jump!
16:44Jump!
16:45Jump!
16:47Jump!
17:02Half past four.
17:06It's hot, isn't it?
17:09Stuffy.
17:10It's the air.
17:12Yes.
17:13Too many people breathing too little air.
17:16It's a funny thing, air.
17:18You can't see it, you can't touch it,
17:21you can't smell it, but it's there.
17:23It's just as well we've got it all around us.
17:25I mean, supposing you're out to carry your own supply around with you.
17:29When you were born, they said, there you are, there's your lock, drag that around with you.
17:34You'd have to have something the size of the Albert Hall.
17:37It would have been very awkward.
17:39You'd need wide streets and big doorways to get in and out of.
17:43It wouldn't work.
17:44I reckon the ants would have taken over by now.
17:47Fortunately, there is enough air for all of us.
17:49Oh yes, but for how long?
17:51The way we're multiplying, we're going to use it all up.
17:54There'll be 1,500 million Chinamen by the year 2000.
17:57They've all got noses, you know, albeit small ones.
18:03I reckon in a couple of hundred years' time, we won't be able to move.
18:07We'll be standing shoulder to shoulder all over the world, heads up, fighting for breath.
18:13The tallest bloke with the biggest ooter survives.
18:17That's the way it's going to go.
18:19Natural selection.
18:21We'll become a race of giants with big ooters.
18:24What do you think, Doc?
18:25I don't know. Don't care.
18:27Charming.
18:28That's the medical profession for you.
18:30Doesn't it bother you that one day all the little men with small noses will be wiped out?
18:34Well, you'll have nothing to worry about then, will you?
18:40No need to get personal mush.
18:42And then just keep quiet and go to sleep.
18:46It's bad enough to be in this predicament without having to listen to your inane prattle.
18:51Dragging Albert Halls around me.
18:55I didn't think you'd be the first to crack.
18:57I'm not cracked. I'm in full command of my faculties.
18:59Well, stop twitching then.
19:00I'm not twitching.
19:01Yes, yes, all right.
19:05Claustrophobia.
19:06I have not got claustrophobia!
19:07No, no, of course not. You're all right. Take one of your pills.
19:12Hang on, I've got an idea. Wake up, everybody! Wake up!
19:15What's wrong?
19:16Want to play some games?
19:18Right, I'll start off. I'll be Lionel Blair, all right?
19:21I'll do a famous film, book, song play. I'll act it out. You have to guess what it is, all
19:26right?
19:28It's a film.
19:29Yeah, see? She's got the right idea. Straight away.
19:31It's a play as well.
19:32Yeah.
19:39Look back in anger.
19:41Well, give us a chance.
19:43It was simple.
19:44Oh, clever. How did you work that out?
19:46It wasn't clever. I gave you an easy one to start everybody off.
19:50Look.
19:51Back.
19:53In.
19:53Pub. You see? Clever one, that.
19:55Pub.
19:56Anger.
19:56Don't snap about. You know what happened last time.
19:59All right, I'll do another one. Right.
20:02It's a film?
20:03Yep.
20:05I...
20:06Yeah.
20:20I was a teenage werewolf.
20:22Was he right, then?
20:23He might be.
20:24Was he?
20:25Yes.
20:28It's your turn, then.
20:29No, I don't want to play this stupid game.
20:31If you want to play it, stop guessing them, then.
20:35Just a minute.
20:37I'm not the slightest bit interested in all this nonsense, but, um...
20:41How did you make Woz?
20:43Ah, interesting one. That one for the connoisseurs.
20:45Wash, you see.
20:47You don't want the H, so you cut round it,
20:51tear it up, throw it away.
20:53Very good.
20:54Yeah, I was pleased with myself.
20:56All right, here's another one.
20:58A song title.
21:02Uh...
21:02Don't cry for me, Argentina.
21:07Well, it was, wasn't it?
21:09Yes.
21:10Gould knows how I would have done Argentina.
21:15Ah, I don't want to play this game any more.
21:17Good.
21:17Now perhaps we can get back to sleep.
21:19Sleep?
21:20We're coming out of this lift singing, mate.
21:22There's going to be TV cameras out there waiting for us.
21:25We'll show them how the British behave under pressure.
21:27Right.
21:28Bags me Alec Guinness.
21:36Come on, whistle up, Doc.
21:38Bit of harmony.
21:42Two, three, four.
21:48Oh, what a help in ages.
21:53Hope for years to come.
21:54Hope for years to come.
21:59What?
21:59Listen to you.
22:00Someone's knocking.
22:02Oh, are you all right in there?
22:03Yes!
22:05Hi.
22:05We'll soon have you out.
22:06Hold on.
22:07Oh, we're saved.
22:08We're saved.
22:10Oh, what a pity.
22:12We're saved.
22:13We're saved.
22:13We're saved.
22:14Feelings.
22:15Nothing more.
22:16That was hours ago.
22:18Oh, I must have dropped off the silence.
22:21Well done.
22:24Oh, here he is.
22:29Oh, thank you, boys.
22:31Lovely.
22:31You all right, sir?
22:32Yes, thank you.
22:33Well done, lads.
22:34Where are the TV cameras?
22:36I'm the head of public relations.
22:39I apologise on behalf of the company for what's happened.
22:42It must have been quite an ordeal for you.
22:45It was hell.
22:46Sheer hell.
22:47But I managed to keep things under control.
22:50There's ITN here, Sky News.
22:51I'm ready for my interview.
22:52Where's Kate Aidy?
22:53Well, there's no one here, sir.
22:54But, um, if you would all kindly follow me,
22:57the company would be delighted to give you all a nice cup of tea
23:00after your ordeal.
23:02Oh, very generous.
23:03That'll hit the share prices.
23:05Would you like a lift home?
23:07I've got my Mazda in the car park.
23:08Yeah, I hope your battery runs down.
23:18Hey, what are you looking for, then?
23:19Season ticket.
23:20Oh?
23:20I'm not paying £2.50 when I've got a season ticket.
23:23Well, let's have a look.
23:24Donnish Hill.
23:26It must be here somewhere.
23:27Donnish Hill.
23:28Right.
23:29Oh, look.
23:30It's working again.
23:40Oh, yeah.
23:46Do you like the leaves or something?
23:48Oh, four weddings and a funeral.
23:49That's all right.
23:50What are you doing?
23:51How are you, mate?
23:53Here you go.
23:54Here you go.
23:54Here you go.
23:55Song title?
23:56Yeah.
23:56It's much better just the two of us, isn't it?
24:00Ouch.
24:00Oh.
24:01Oh.
24:01Oh.
24:01Oh.
24:02Oh.
24:02Oh менou.
24:05Oh soul me.
24:07Oh.
24:07Oh son of me.
24:08Oh.
24:08Here you go.
24:09It's funny, I didn't like you at first.
24:11Strange egg English to some people.
24:12Look at me.
24:13My guy.
24:14When you get tight, give us a shout, we'll have a sing song.
24:16Yeah, right, film, yeah, yeah, film.
24:20Oklahoma, you're getting very good at this, aren't you?