- 2 days ago
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00:26Come along, Mr Merton.
00:30Time to wash your face and hands.
00:32What for?
00:33It's nearly visiting time.
00:34Don't you want to look nice and fresh for your visitors?
00:36What visitors?
00:37I never get any visitors.
00:38I'm not having me face washed just for their visitors.
00:41I've been stuck here six weeks.
00:43Robinson Crusoe had more visitors than me.
00:47Six weeks.
00:48And the only one who set foot near me is the bloke who knocked me down.
00:52And he only came in to get me to sign a form saying it was my fault.
00:55And I don't get depressed.
00:57As soon as your family find out you're in here,
00:59they'll come and see you.
01:00My mother and father were told the night it happened.
01:02I know where I am.
01:03Perhaps it's a difficult journey for them.
01:05Oh, yes, very difficult.
01:06Two stops on the Northern Line.
01:08Mind you, it's 25 yards to the station.
01:10That might put them off a bit.
01:11I think you're being a bit hard on them.
01:13There must be some other reason why they can't come.
01:15Oh, yes, there is, yes.
01:17Sunday afternoon, East Enders Omnibus Edition.
01:20That's the only omnibus they're interested in,
01:22not the one going past here.
01:23Why can't they come in the evening?
01:25Oh, Miss Bingo, oh dear me, dream on.
01:27You'll never get them up here on bingo nights.
01:30No, the hospitals will have to change their visiting times
01:32before I get to see anybody.
01:34After the pubs have shut on a non-bingo night
01:36when the television's broken down.
01:40I hate visiting days.
01:41How do you like to sit here on your toddery headphones on?
01:44Pretend you don't care.
01:46Everybody feeling sorry for you.
01:48Looking over at you, whispering.
01:50Oh, look, that poor man over there is on his own again.
01:53They don't.
01:54They do.
01:55You want to sit here sometimes.
01:57His wife next door came up to me last week.
01:59I hope you won't be offended, she said.
02:01We noticed you haven't got any fruit.
02:03Stuck a banana in me hand.
02:05He's very nice of her.
02:07I don't want their charity.
02:09I wish I was in Booba.
02:10I'd have a private room with padlocks on the door.
02:14Look, nurse, before they come in,
02:15just put the curtains round me.
02:16I don't want them looking at me.
02:17No, they'll think you're ill.
02:18It depresses people.
02:20Now, come on.
02:21Let me just wipe around your face with this flannel,
02:23just in case.
02:24I don't want the flannel.
02:25Oh!
02:26Oh!
02:28Grimey.
02:29Hospital soap.
02:30What did I use it for?
02:31Stripping paint?
02:32Here, for God's sake, use some of this.
02:36Oh, that's nice.
02:38Gardenia.
02:39Did your family send it?
02:40No, dear.
02:41It was my present off the hospital Christmas tree.
02:43They had to find something quick for me.
02:45I didn't come in till Christmas Eve.
02:46And that's the only thing I've had since I've been in here.
02:49Nary a grape in my fruit bowl.
02:52Oh, God.
02:53All this bothers just for other people's visitors.
02:56I only hope there's something good in the headphones.
02:58I tell you what,
02:59I'm off duty later on.
03:00I'll come and sit with you.
03:02Look, Florence,
03:02don't start feeling sorry for me.
03:04I'm all right.
03:05I'm not fussed if I have visitors or not.
03:08Nothing to say to them.
03:09Just sit there looking at each other for two hours,
03:11waiting for the bell to go.
03:13After half an hour,
03:14you hate the sight of them,
03:14and they hate the sight of you.
03:16You're glad to see them go,
03:17and they're glad to get out of it.
03:19Just bash me pillow up and leave me alone.
03:25Don't forget to comb your hair.
03:28They'll be in any minute now.
03:29Do you want anything out of your locker?
03:30You're joking, aren't you?
03:31There's nothing in there.
03:32A jam jar with a thermometer in it.
03:34You can get that out of your life.
03:36Stick a daffodil in it.
03:37Pretend unpopular.
03:39There.
03:39All nice and smart.
03:42Everybody ready?
03:43Right, let them in, nurse.
03:45Open the cage.
03:52Here they come,
03:53the charge of the light brigade.
03:58They're all just at home.
04:04They're all just at home.
04:07devers the right seating by the light.
04:12Oh, hello.
04:12You halle.
04:37Hello.
04:38Hello.
04:40Are you on your own again?
04:43Yes.
04:46How are you feeling?
04:48Euphoric.
04:52Do you like listening to the radio?
04:54Pardon?
04:55Do you like listening to the radio?
04:57Yes, when I get the chance.
05:00Must be a great boon for people in hospital.
05:03Pardon?
05:04Must be a boon, the radio.
05:06Oh, yes, lovely. Opens unlimited horizons.
05:09Especially when you're lonely.
05:11Yes.
05:13Have you got anybody coming to see you this afternoon?
05:16Shouldn't think so.
05:18Oh, what a shame.
05:20Would you like a banana?
05:26No, thank you. I'm trying to give them up.
05:29He's got plenty.
05:31So I've noticed.
05:34Perhaps your people live a long way away.
05:37Yes, that's it. Miles away. The Isle of Bute, last I heard.
05:40Oh, as long as you're not lonely.
05:43No, I'm not lonely.
05:44I consider the cast of the archers as my personal friends.
05:49I'll come over and have a little chat with you and have had a talk to my husband.
05:52No, don't bother. I'll be all right. I'll probably go to sleep.
05:54Are you sure you don't want a banana?
05:57Quite sure, thank you. I wouldn't know what to do with it.
06:02Well, this is the last time I'll be seeing you.
06:05My hub is coming out before the next visiting day, so I won't be coming here anymore.
06:11Good.
06:12I mean, it's good that he's going home.
06:15I shall miss both him and his intellectual stimulation.
06:18It'd be nice to have him home.
06:20How I envy you.
06:21It must be like an evening with Leonard and Virginia Woolf.
06:27I'll leave you to your programme.
06:33When you come out, do come and see us.
06:37We'd love to see you.
06:38You know, whenever you're feeling lonely, there's the address.
06:42Thank you. I shall treasure this.
07:03Roll on four o'clock.
07:11Oh, there he is. I found him.
07:14Oi, dog's body.
07:17He's in here.
07:19That's him. Come on.
07:22Oh, poor little perisher.
07:25Look at him.
07:27Hello, son.
07:29Oi, I'm talking to you.
07:34Perhaps he hasn't come round yet.
07:37What, after six weeks?
07:39No!
07:43Gordon Bennett, what's happened? Has the house fallen down?
07:45Hello, son.
07:47We came round as soon as we could, didn't we, Warren?
07:49Don't give me that.
07:50The television's broken down, hasn't it?
07:52Oh, did you know?
07:53I thought so.
07:55Oh, don't he look ill, bless him.
07:58Don't he look ill, Warren.
08:00Don't he look ill.
08:01Well, don't start that, Mum.
08:02People are looking.
08:03You're still my little boy, you know.
08:05Well, yes, all right.
08:06Sit down, take a chair, go on now.
08:10And keep your feet off the bed.
08:13Well, I didn't expect to see you two.
08:16Well, we thought we ought to pop round and see how you were getting on, didn't we, Warren?
08:19Didn't I say we ought to pop in and see how he was getting on?
08:22I said that this morning, didn't I, Warren?
08:24Well, I've been here for six weeks.
08:26Why haven't you been in to see me before?
08:28No.
08:28Well, it's a bit difficult.
08:31It's your dad.
08:33He hasn't been too well.
08:35It's his chest again.
08:37You've been ill, haven't you?
08:38Haven't you been ill?
08:40Tell him what was wrong with you.
08:42It was his chest.
08:46Terrible chest he's got.
08:48Been walking round the house all night long.
08:50Haven't you been walking round the house all night long?
08:53Let him hear how you cough.
08:56Go on.
08:57Let one go.
09:02See what I mean?
09:04All night long he goes on like that.
09:09Turn it up.
09:09Dad not in here.
09:11He won't see a doctor.
09:12I shouldn't think they'd want to see him.
09:15There's all them roll-ups he smokes.
09:16He must have lungs like two coal sacks.
09:18See?
09:19I told you it's them fags.
09:21And he ought to know he's in hospital.
09:25Oh, I nearly forgot.
09:27We brought you something.
09:28Eh?
09:29You haven't won the lottery, have you?
09:30What is it?
09:32There you are.
09:33A box of dates.
09:34Oh, you have won the lottery.
09:38Half empty.
09:39How long have you known me?
09:41Why?
09:41What's wrong?
09:42You know I don't like dates.
09:43I've never liked dates.
09:45Ever since I was a kid I hated dates.
09:46And what have you bought me?
09:48Dates.
09:48Dates.
09:49There you are, Warren.
09:51What did I say this morning?
09:52I told you he didn't like dates, didn't I?
09:55You wouldn't have it.
09:56Take him some dates, you said.
09:57Why didn't you bring me some oranges or some grapes?
10:00He said bring you some dates.
10:01I don't like dates.
10:03I'll have them.
10:05He had this worked out, didn't he?
10:07He knew I didn't like dates, didn't he?
10:18And that's it, is it?
10:20That's all you've brought me.
10:21Six weeks it's taken for you to get here.
10:23And when you finally get here, that's it.
10:25A box of dates.
10:26It's all we could get?
10:28It's all you had left out from Christmas, you mean.
10:31What sort of Christmas did you have, son?
10:33I don't know.
10:34I was unconscious.
10:37What a shame.
10:39We had a nice Christmas.
10:41Quiet, you know, but nice.
10:44He was unconscious.
10:46Well, so was he most of the time.
10:50How he got home from the Turks' head, I don't know.
10:53Four o'clock he rolled in, didn't you?
10:56Four o'clock you got home.
10:58And your son lying here unconscious.
11:00You ought to be ashamed of yourself.
11:06But we thought about you over Christmas.
11:09Oh, that's nice.
11:10We wondered how you was getting on, didn't we, Warren?
11:12We wondered how he was getting on.
11:14You didn't think they'd come to see me.
11:16Hmm.
11:17Didn't see much point with you unconscious.
11:20There was no point in spoiling everybody's Christmas.
11:23But we thought about you.
11:26It wasn't the same without you, was it, Warren?
11:30Did you think it was the same without him?
11:32I didn't.
11:33I don't think Warren did either.
11:35Did you, Warren?
11:39No, of course he didn't.
11:41He wouldn't be your dad if he did.
11:43You missed me, but you couldn't be bothered to come and see me.
11:47Well, I don't like hospitals.
11:49Well, neither do I.
11:50That's why I thought you might at least come in and cheer me up.
11:53For crying out loud, it's only two hours.
11:55Two hours?
11:56I thought you said it was only half an hour.
11:59You don't have to stay.
12:01I've been managing all right about you so far.
12:03Take no notice of him.
12:05Stop upsetting him.
12:06You know how sensitive he is.
12:28Dr Spencer, to G.U. clinic.
12:29Dr Spencer, to G.U. clinic.
12:32Dr Spencer, to G.U. clinic.
12:33I'm not going to...
12:40Pfff.
12:51Well, certainly say so. It would gall take.
12:54You haven't seen me for six weeks, you must have something to talk about.
12:57I'm your son. What's been happening?
13:00Nothing much.
13:02What do you mean, nothing much?
13:04I mean, I don't expect you to get into the Nigel Dempster column every five minutes,
13:07but something must have happened even to you.
13:09Such as?
13:10Oh, I don't know anything.
13:12Is the goldfisted alive? Is the front gate still lying on the pavement?
13:16Anything, I don't care. We just can't sit there staring at each other.
13:20You might as well go home.
13:23Sit down!
13:26I came here to see him.
13:28You just have to put up with it.
13:31Weird. Is there a television set in the ward?
13:33No, there isn't.
13:35Oh.
13:40I'm glad you brought him. He's a great comfort, isn't he? Very good company.
13:45Promise me one thing.
13:46What?
13:46Don't ever have him cloned.
13:52So, there's no news, then?
13:54Well, there is one thing.
13:58We've missed your money while you've been away.
14:02Things are very tight at home.
14:04We was wondering if you could let us have a few quid, you know.
14:06I haven't been working for six weeks. I'm in hospital.
14:09You get your sick money, don't you?
14:11I haven't drawn it yet.
14:13Do you want him to go down and draw it for you?
14:15He'd be no trouble.
14:16He'd be glad to go and get it for you, wouldn't you, Warren?
14:21He'd be glad to go down and get his benefit for him, wouldn't you?
14:25Oh, yeah. Right. Now, sit down.
14:27You leave my benefit alone.
14:30Oh, well. Never mind.
14:33We'll manage.
14:36He hasn't got any to spare.
14:41Hey.
14:42He hasn't got any to spare.
14:44No money.
14:45What?
14:46Sit down.
14:47Oh, let him go.
14:49No.
14:50Not until it's time.
14:51We came here to visit you.
14:53He'll have to stick it out like the rest of us.
15:16When do you reckon you'll be back at work, then?
15:18I do not know.
15:21Oh.
15:24Good afternoon.
15:27It's cold, isn't it?
15:30It's cold.
15:31Oh, yes.
15:32It is rather nippy.
15:34I wouldn't mind being in bed myself.
15:36Bet it's warmer in there than it is out here.
15:39I'm his mother.
15:40Oh, how do you do?
15:43He's looking a lot better, isn't he?
15:46Is he?
15:48He's looking a lot better than when he came in.
15:51Oh.
15:52I wouldn't know.
15:53I didn't see him.
15:55His father and a couldn't get along.
15:57Pressure of business.
16:00That's his father.
16:02Oi.
16:03Faceache.
16:06Oi.
16:06Say hello to the lady.
16:08Oh.
16:09Hello.
16:09Hello.
16:13Radio Maddies.
16:16How's your son getting on?
16:19My husband.
16:20Oh, I beg your pardon.
16:23I haven't got me glasses with me.
16:26I had them on when I was playing darts in the Turks' Head.
16:30But I wanted double-eight to finish, you see.
16:32Well, I play like this, you see.
16:35And I must have had me thumb sticking out.
16:37Because I caught it just behind the lens.
16:40And they went flying off me nose right out the door on the pavement.
16:46Another 15 quid out the spout for the frames.
16:50Mum, I'm sure this woman doesn't want to know about your misfortunes at the Yockey.
16:54She's coming to talk to her husband.
16:55Oh, it's quite all right.
16:57It's nice to meet you, Mother.
17:00There you are.
17:01Talk to your father.
17:06You come up here every week, do you?
17:08Twice a week.
17:10Well, we would come more often.
17:12But it's very difficult.
17:15Sunday services.
17:16Oh, the church.
17:18The buses.
17:21We're lucky, I suppose.
17:23We have a car.
17:24Oh, that's nice.
17:26Where do you live?
17:27Streatham.
17:28Oh, that's on our way home, Streatham.
17:31Oh, is it?
17:32Yes.
17:33You have to pass right by the end of our turning.
17:37Yes.
17:39Well, think of us waiting by the bus stop.
17:44In the cold.
17:47And in with his chest.
17:52Show her your cough.
17:55Eh?
17:56Let one go.
17:58Oh.
18:02Well, perhaps you and your husband would like a lift.
18:05Oh, we couldn't, really.
18:07Oh, it's no bother.
18:08All right, then.
18:09We'll wait for you outside.
18:13You've got some bottle, haven't you?
18:14Coming in here, showing me up.
18:16What are you talking about?
18:18Scrounging lifts.
18:18I've got to stay here after you've gone.
18:20How much longer?
18:21Oh, shut up.
18:23Don't talk to your father like that
18:25after he's taken the trouble to come and see you.
18:28He hasn't said a word since he got here.
18:33How's your leg?
18:35I was wondering when you were going to mention it.
18:38It's been stuck here in front of your nose
18:40ever since you got here.
18:42Is it broken, then?
18:46Of course it's broken.
18:48What do you think I've got this on for?
18:49To keep it warm?
18:52Have you seen his leg?
18:55Hey?
18:56His leg is broken.
18:58I thought it was.
19:00Does it hurt?
19:02No, it doesn't hurt.
19:03It did, but it doesn't now.
19:05So don't worry about me.
19:07Just in case you're interested,
19:08I've also got three cracked ribs,
19:10multiple bruises and concussion.
19:12Concussion?
19:13What, on your head?
19:14No, on me arse.
19:18But of course on me head.
19:19You can't get it anywhere else.
19:21Is your brain all right?
19:24It's not going to stop you going back to work.
19:26You don't need a brain doing my job.
19:28Don't worry, I'll be all right.
19:29You'll get your money again.
19:32Tea time.
19:36There you are.
19:38I said you'd get some visitors, didn't I?
19:40Good afternoon, nurse.
19:42I'm his mother.
19:44Look after him, won't you?
19:46He's my little boy.
19:49He's a lovely boy, isn't he?
19:52He's not married.
19:53Are you married?
19:54Oh, for God's sake!
19:56Would you like a cup of tea?
19:58Yes, please, dear.
19:59That'd be nice.
20:00He'll have one and all.
20:02Six sugars.
20:05He's got a sweet tooth.
20:07I'm surprised he's got any left.
20:11You leave me alone, you greedy old git.
20:15Visitors don't get grub.
20:17You could let him have one.
20:18I'm not letting him have one.
20:19This is all I get till tonight.
20:21It's all right for you.
20:21You can scoff at home.
20:22I can't.
20:23Now, right gannet you are.
20:24If I was in the condemned cell,
20:26you'd have me breakfast off me, wouldn't you?
20:47Dr. Lawrence Rice-y, please.
20:49Dr. Lawrence Rice-y.
20:57Right, that's it.
20:58All go home.
20:58Everybody out.
20:59Scramble.
20:59Come and that's your lot.
21:01Oh, what a shame.
21:03I was just getting interested in that.
21:04Take it home with you.
21:05Oh, I could come back next week to finish it.
21:08No, don't bother.
21:09Just take it home.
21:11I'm so glad you're all right, Pigler.
21:15I've been so worried.
21:17What we mothers go through.
21:20Now we have to get better.
21:21Your dad and me miss you so much.
21:24Bye-bye.
21:25Oh.
21:26See you in the car park.
21:28Oh, right.
21:29Bye-bye.
21:30Hope you get on all right.
21:38Well, don't leave him here.
21:40Take him from here, for God's sake.
21:41Oh, I forgot about him.
21:44Oi, face sake.
21:46Oh, what?
21:47It's time to go home.
21:48Oh, good.
21:51Well, say goodbye to him.
21:53Who?
21:54Oh, yeah.
21:56Oh, cheerio.
21:57Cheerio.
21:58Thanks for coming.
21:59That's all right.
21:59Any time.
22:00Oh, come on.
22:01Stop joying.
22:05Oh, bye-bye.
22:07Are you sure you wouldn't like a banana?
22:11Maybe next time.
22:23Peace.
22:24That lasted longer than the Hundred Years' War.
22:28Good, wasn't it?
22:29It was for you.
22:31Who was the, er...
22:33ROI sister?
22:40Well, now, did you have a nice visit?
22:43Hysterical.
22:43It's put me back for a fortnight.
22:45Well, come along.
22:46You're going on a little outing.
22:48Doctor wants to see another X-ray of that leg.
22:50Right.
22:51Take it easy.
22:52Work your way over.
22:53Careful now.
22:55Mr. Thompson, would you give me a hand?
22:57Bring the wheelchair round for me.
22:58Of course, sirs.
22:59Right, now, put your weight on your good leg.
23:01Yeah.
23:02Ready?
23:02Yeah.
23:02Now, hold on to me.
23:03Yeah.
23:04Up we get...
23:18Are you sure they were his date stones you slipped on?
23:23Well, of course, they were his date stones.
23:25Nobody else was eating dates.
23:27You great pillock dropping date stones all over the floor.
23:30You might at least say you were sorry.
23:32Aye.
23:33You might as well say you're sorry.
23:36What for?
23:37For dropping your dates...
23:38Oh, don't bother talking to me.
23:43Feeling any better?
23:45Yes.
23:45And you?
23:47Oh, my son grumble.
23:48Good.
23:51Hey, don't go to sleep.
23:52We've only just got here.
23:54We've got two hours yet.
23:57Wake up.
23:58Come on.
23:59Oh, do something, you don't just sit there.
24:01Wake up.
24:03No, it's just not.
24:04It doesn't...
24:45You