- há 11 horas
Categoria
😹
DivertimentoTranscrição
00:00.
00:02Brace! Brace!
00:03I'm bracing!
00:11No, no, no, no!
00:18No!
00:23Ah!
00:25What?
00:38Yes!
00:39Welcome to Taskmaster with me, your Taskmaster Greg Davies.
00:43Oh, you can feel it, can't you?
00:45That end-of-series atmosphere.
00:47Things are getting tense as we go into this penultimate episode,
00:50with several of our competitors jostling for the coveted top spot
00:54that will lead them into the Taskmaster history books.
00:58Also, Ivo Graham is here.
01:00It's at testing times like this that our competitors might look
01:03to the wisdom of those that have trodden life's rocky path before.
01:07I remember only too well the wisdom of my own grandmother
01:10gave me the day before a big swimming contest.
01:13I wrote it down immediately,
01:15and I hope it will inspire our brave competitors tonight.
01:18She said,
01:19I can't feel my legs!
01:22Don't just stand there, boy!
01:23Call someone!
01:24Do something!
01:28We're thinking about, isn't it?
01:30Please shout hello with your hands to...
01:33Frankie Boyle!
01:47And next to me, a man who drunkenly confessed
01:50that until the age of 14,
01:51he thought that his penis was an eleventh finger
01:55to be used for putting stumps onto letters.
01:59Little Alex Horne!
02:04I used to send a lot of letters as a child.
02:06I bet you did.
02:09May I ask for a prize task, please?
02:11You may indeed, you mighty steed.
02:13This time, they've all brought in what they believe
02:15to be the sneakiest thing.
02:17Greg will hand over five points to the thing
02:19he thinks is sneakiest,
02:21and then the sneaky winner of the show
02:22will sneak home with five sneaky things.
02:24Hello, Jenny and Claire.
02:26Hello, Greg.
02:26Hello, Alex.
02:27What sneaky thing have you snuck in?
02:29To represent sneakiness,
02:31I have brought in a mask.
02:33Well, this is a mask that Jenny has brought in.
02:36Uh-oh.
02:37Yeah.
02:38LAUGHTER
02:40I mean, honestly,
02:42how you're going to sell this to me is sneaky.
02:45Sneaky?
02:45It's a mystery to me.
02:47What's behind the mask?
02:51It's her own book.
02:52Yeah.
02:53LAUGHTER
02:54So, this came out and it didn't really get the publicity.
02:58I felt it deserved.
02:59So, I thought if I could sneak it on a programme such as this...
03:03APPLAUSE
03:04And then I'll buy it!
03:07Jenny, I take it all back.
03:09LAUGHTER
03:09You are one sneaky sneak.
03:12LAUGHTER
03:13Hey, Frankie, what have you brought in?
03:14I've brought in the book.
03:16It's a children's book called Orlando the Marmalade Cat.
03:20Mm.
03:20Here it is.
03:21It has a virtue in that it would send my children,
03:25when they were little, straight to sleep.
03:27But what I found was they were quite resistant
03:30to Orlando the Marmalade Cat being brought out.
03:34They learned that it was essentially chloroform.
03:36LAUGHTER
03:39And thus, I got an artist friend to knock up a fake cover,
03:44which was this.
03:47LAUGHTER
03:48LAUGHTER
03:52And what I would do is I'd start to improvise some
03:56of Harry Potter and the Kung Fu Death Cult
03:59and then I would gradually go into the soothing rhythms
04:02of Orlando's seaside holiday.
04:04Lovely work.
04:05Oh, God.
04:06Yeah.
04:06So far...
04:07Unusually good.
04:08Those are both great prizes.
04:10Uh-oh, Ivo.
04:11Oh, dear.
04:12I've got some great news for you.
04:14It's another book.
04:15And it's the sneakiest book of them all.
04:19It's the English Dictionary.
04:21Here it is.
04:22Sneaky.
04:23What a fickle mistress our language is!
04:27LAUGHTER
04:28What I'm interested in, Ivan, I suspect you know this,
04:31is how you define that book as sneaky.
04:33Let's open it up and find out.
04:36Oh, my goodness!
04:39It's not a book, it's a box!
04:42LAUGHTER
04:44What's in the book?
04:46Right.
04:46Because I know that you're missing the dictionary, Greg,
04:48so just for you, I've chucked in...
04:50Here we go.
04:51..the smallest dictionary in the world!
04:55Are you excited to have Pearson's miniature dictionary in...
04:59Oh, God, I wouldn't say I'm in any way excited.
05:02LAUGHTER
05:03Hello, May.
05:05Hi.
05:05Can you beat a sneaky dictionary?
05:07I hope so, yeah, yes.
05:09I think that the sneakiest thing is, um, a knock-knock joke.
05:13This is what May's brought in.
05:16OK, so...
05:17LAUGHTER
05:18But what if...
05:21..you didn't realise, but you already know the answer
05:23to the knock-knock joke,
05:24because part of it is currently in one of your breast pockets?
05:28Have a look, Greg.
05:29Oh, dear.
05:31LAUGHTER
05:34It says May!
05:35But that's not the full answer.
05:36What if, without knowing it,
05:38Kyle also had part of the answer on his person?
05:42LAUGHTER
05:42Where is your pocket, Kyle?
05:44Other one?
05:45This one?
05:47Oh!
05:50Pinhead.
05:51LAUGHTER
05:51That's my nickname.
05:53Ivo, have a look in your pocket as well.
05:55I get to be part of it.
05:57LAUGHTER
05:59Oh!
06:00There.
06:01Oh, I've got it.
06:02OK.
06:03Martin.
06:04So, one knock who's there.
06:06May, Pinhead, Martin.
06:07I didn't think hard about the joke itself.
06:09It was more about, like, the delivery of the joke.
06:11That was sneaky.
06:13I also got, um,
06:14Alex's wife to mail me two of his socks.
06:17LAUGHTER
06:19That was sneaky!
06:23That's very weird.
06:28Kyle, the heat is on.
06:31It is, isn't it?
06:32Yeah.
06:33There's been a lot of literature.
06:35All written.
06:36And they couldn't be written without this.
06:38It's a pen.
06:39Do you recognise that pen?
06:40I do not.
06:42Do you recognise this?
06:44Oh, yes.
06:46Oh, yeah.
06:46I signed that.
06:47You signed this?
06:48Yeah.
06:49It told me that the secular had passed the test of some kind.
06:57That is good.
07:01But that's not all.
07:03Because when you signed this, you said...
07:07Who's this character?
07:09Oh, done.
07:11For your five points.
07:13Yeah.
07:14And that was recorded on that pen.
07:17It's a spy pen.
07:18Oh!
07:20God, all I'm thinking was, how long was it in the room?
07:22Yeah.
07:25But that's not all.
07:27Because the name Sekhna Ensgit is an anagram of sneakiest thing.
07:35Wow.
07:39Wow.
07:41This is impossible to judge.
07:44And yet...
07:46I vote as the worst.
07:47We can agree on that, can't we?
07:48Yes.
07:51I think we should give him two points.
07:52OK.
07:53OK.
07:53Thank you.
07:58I can't differentiate between May, Jenny and Frankie, is the truth of it.
08:03So, how many points for that?
08:04I'm going to give them four points.
08:06Oh.
08:06All right.
08:07And anyone who does a three-tier sneak on me deserves the five.
08:10There we go.
08:11It's as simple as that.
08:11Five points for Taylor!
08:17Please, can we watch a nice little film, Alex?
08:20Oh, go on then, you big brute.
08:22And this is a nice, messy team one.
08:31Hello.
08:34Hello, team.
08:35Hello.
08:36There are three spots.
08:38You must each go to a spot, please.
08:41Speedy of me.
08:45I wanted to read the task, you know?
08:48I don't mind who goes where.
08:52And how did you make that decision?
08:54Frankie started walking.
08:55It was too late.
08:58Make these things the same colour as those things.
09:02People in bottles must stay on their spots at all times.
09:06You may perform ten bottle stamps.
09:09And two bottle squeezes.
09:12Best colour matches wins.
09:14You have ten minutes.
09:16Your time starts now.
09:19What are we allowed to move?
09:21I have this.
09:22The easel's allowed to move.
09:24Frisbee me the easel, old chap.
09:26OK, this is quite key.
09:36Lovely.
09:38So you're aiming for this?
09:40I'm really glad I didn't go over there.
09:42Yeah.
09:49Well, it's quite the sentence, Frisbee me the easel, old chap.
09:54It's a pallet.
09:55That's the worst thing about this task, unhappy.
10:00Just to be clear, the plan is to load it up with paint,
10:04and then to throw it back.
10:07That is the plan.
10:10Well, we've got that carnage to look forward to then.
10:12Shall we crack on?
10:13OK, well, here are the three-ers.
10:15I can see the aubergine, potato at the back,
10:18and then mango's easy, red and green.
10:20Well, should we not start with the potato?
10:22We should start with the potato.
10:23OK.
10:23Because that is white and yellow.
10:25White and yellow.
10:25OK, Jenny, why don't you try the yellow first?
10:28OK. How many minutes have we got for this?
10:30You've got eight left.
10:31Oh, God, no!
10:33Go, go, go.
10:33OK.
10:42That's white.
10:43Oh, no.
10:44They have the wrong colours in them.
10:45OK, they screwed us over.
10:46You wanted some white.
10:47You did want some white.
10:49That's rude.
10:49OK, there's blue in this.
10:50This is yellow.
10:51It's real black here.
10:51OK, do yellow, Kyle.
10:52Yellow.
10:53OK, ready?
10:54You're doing a stamp?
10:55Yeah.
10:56Fucking brilliant.
10:57OK, three, two, one.
11:04Nice one, nice one.
11:06You've got enough on the pallet.
11:07That's potato.
11:09You're doing beautifully.
11:10What's the middle one?
11:11It's mango.
11:12Which is red and green.
11:13Red and green.
11:14This is black, I think.
11:16Let's just get another colour going.
11:18If I give you some blue, then you can make some green.
11:20Great.
11:20I'm hoping this is blue.
11:22Ready?
11:30So sorry.
11:34You've only got one squeeze left.
11:36This is it.
11:41Yeah.
11:42Great.
11:43OK.
11:43All right, red's coming.
11:44Some red coming.
11:46That's it.
11:47That's it.
11:47Yeah.
11:48That's it.
11:48That's not red for the mango.
11:50Right, you've got one and a half minutes to it.
11:51Right.
11:52I need, like, black.
11:54Black coming to you.
11:55Yeah.
12:00We've got, like, 30 seconds.
12:01Let me know when you're ready for this.
12:03It's coming.
12:03It's there.
12:07Why am I so shit at this?
12:09Oh, shit.
12:10We've got some yellow on the mango.
12:14Well done, mate.
12:22Sometimes in Taskmaster, I find that you hear lines
12:24that belong somewhere else.
12:26And Jenny did a line that belonged in an action thriller film.
12:29When she realised it was the wrong colour,
12:31went, ha!
12:32They screwed us over.
12:35They screwed us over.
12:39They screwed us over.
12:39Overall, though, I thought teamwork was genuinely touching.
12:42It was good.
12:42May at one point said,
12:43Guys, we need to think about the potato.
12:47Just a team of two to go.
12:49Let's see how they got on.
12:52Frankie.
12:53Yes?
12:53Are you sure there's nothing we're...
12:57...like?
12:58No.
12:59Ooh!
13:01Paint them white!
13:04It says the same colours.
13:06Will you really think if we paint those white,
13:09that will be not a colour?
13:11Have you seen the show?
13:11It's a show about pedantry.
13:14So, you could just put two colours on there.
13:17We'll paint that and those.
13:20Brilliant.
13:20A compromise between our two methods.
13:22Right.
13:23So, one long squeeze of yellow.
13:25One long squeeze of red.
13:26One long squeeze of red.
13:27It's white!
13:29That's one squeeze.
13:30It's white!
13:36And that's...
13:38What?!
13:38It's the same absence of colour as the one.
13:40Well, you're stamping now.
13:41Stamp me a couple of colours.
13:43But that's...
13:44Not white, it's not a colour.
13:48That's one stamp.
13:51We need a lot more.
13:52Just stamp right on it.
13:53Stamp on it.
13:59That's an absence of a colour as well.
14:02No, don't do that.
14:03We can use the blue.
14:04Yeah, so I'm starting again on this side.
14:09Right.
14:15You happy with that?
14:16I'm pretty happy.
14:17All right.
14:18Wing it to me, David.
14:19Don't mess this, because I can't get off this thing.
14:34I think I nearly ended my stamps.
14:36You've got two left.
14:36Oh, OK.
14:37That was the mask when I was stamping into my own face.
14:40Just leap.
14:42Leap.
14:42With your heels.
14:43Leap.
14:51You've still got one more stamp.
14:54Just do it better.
15:00I don't think that helped.
15:05That's the end of your time.
15:16So, you probably wouldn't describe yourself as a natural stamper.
15:20No.
15:22I thought you got better at it.
15:23I thought that you learnt the art of stamping during this task.
15:26Can I just say, I think his stamp improved after I said,
15:29pretend it's your father.
15:34The task was just make these things the same colour as those things.
15:37So, to make them all the same colour is very clever.
15:39Very clever.
15:39If they could pull it off.
15:41Yeah.
15:43Shall we have a look at them, then?
15:44Oh, I cannot wait.
15:45OK.
15:46So, the team of three tried to make the white items look like
15:49the original items, and that's what they did.
15:52That is so good.
15:54APPLAUSE
15:57This is a team of two, the count.
15:59Yeah.
16:04Again, both quite good.
16:07Really good.
16:08Smaller team, wetter conditions,
16:11better outside the box thinking,
16:13give us some fucking points.
16:18Didn't Ivo come off his circle?
16:21Oh!
16:23Didn't Jenny take more than two squeezes?
16:26I don't think so.
16:28Yeah, there were one too many squeezes, and Ivo did step off the spot.
16:32Right, so I could disqualify them both, and there would be no points all round.
16:37Or, because there was a mistake on both teams, we can overlook it.
16:40I'm happy that they cancel each other out.
16:43I think that's fair enough.
16:44It's not up to me.
16:48That's right, Jenny.
16:49That's right.
16:52Five points to everyone.
16:53They all win!
16:55APPLAUSE
16:56There we go.
16:59I've got the scores for you.
17:00They're so exciting.
17:01Ivo's on seven, and then three people on nine, and Kael on ten points!
17:04CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
17:09OK, what have you got next?
17:11Well, we've got another team task.
17:14Not really, no, it's prize task time.
17:16No, it isn't.
17:17Twice there, I was having a big laugh about what's next in the show.
17:24But it's actually time for us all to learn some valuable lessons.
17:26MUSIC PLAYS
17:34Who's that?
17:36It's me.
17:37Oh, two envelopes.
17:39Mm-hm.
17:40A little theatre, perhaps.
17:42Markers, chalks, felt tips.
17:45Oh, I had a sudden rush of blood to my groin at the sight of those.
17:49Lovely.
17:51Should I read them both?
17:53No.
17:54Oh, just pick one?
17:55No.
17:58Which one do you want to read?
18:01That one.
18:01Correct.
18:02Yeah.
18:03Put three single-digit numbers in the slots,
18:07then open the second task.
18:10Uh, two.
18:11Lovely.
18:12Going in there.
18:12Mm-hm.
18:17And then I read this?
18:18Uh-huh.
18:18OK.
18:19Deliver a one-minute lecture about the year you selected.
18:24Mm-hm.
18:24Your lecture must start in 15 minutes from now.
18:30Most informative lecture wins.
18:32You may not leave the lab.
18:34Ivo, you selected the year...
18:371125.
18:401123.
18:41Oh, it's the year 1500.
18:43Of course there's a white in front of it.
18:44Shit and fuck, why did I do that?
18:481417.
18:49What was going on then?
18:50Presumably Hastings is recovering from a big war.
18:54It was 500 years after the Battle of Hastings.
18:58Ish.
19:00Oh, God.
19:01Oh, no.
19:01I'm getting into the fetal position now,
19:03because this is so awful.
19:051642.
19:05It's not Pangea then.
19:09Pardon?
19:10You know, when all the earth was just one chunk?
19:12Oh, I see, right.
19:13Yeah, no, no, no.
19:14No, no, no, no.
19:15It's written in terms.
19:16Yeah.
19:17I'm trying to write down a list of things that people didn't know in 1417.
19:21Right.
19:23So...
19:26Witches.
19:27When were witches?
19:28I just need to go to the loo.
19:29Can I just go to the loo?
19:30You're not allowed to go to the loo.
19:31I can't.
19:32I go to the...
19:32I started a period.
19:35Started a period, Alex.
19:36Jesus died, we think, around zero.
19:40There's a few Edwards about at the end.
19:41Sword in the Stone.
19:42Excalibur.
19:43Merlin.
19:50It seems to me, at this stage, that the only historical event that anyone here is aware of is 1066.
19:57Can I just point out that Ivo and I have a really similar year.
20:00Yeah.
20:00Ivo went to Eton and I spent high school on acid.
20:05I didn't go to high school.
20:07Odd to look at our two outfits and think that you're the acid one.
20:10Yeah.
20:13OK, first up to the lectern are Dr Graham and Doc Martin.
20:19Your minutes start on the whistle.
20:221123.
20:23The year is not 1124 or 1122.
20:26Rome has fallen.
20:27This is medieval.
20:29Something you could shout at literally any point in 1125.
20:32Who?
20:33William I, the conqueror, dead.
20:35But his son or relative William II, William Rufus, I think, is king.
20:39Christianity sweeps Europe.
20:41We're talking monotheism, baby.
20:45When 1125 is established, what?
20:47Fighting illness.
20:48Why?
20:48Life hard.
20:49Death frequent.
20:50Tension constant.
20:51We're very far from the Renaissance.
20:53Monks.
20:54Some of them are bald.
20:55The UK.
20:56I didn't include Ireland because I was mainly focused on this.
20:58I'm sorry.
20:59The main threat was from France.
21:00Uh, constant threat.
21:031123.
21:04Numerically, one plus one plus two plus three equals seven.
21:07Seventh letter of the alphabet.
21:08G.
21:09G.
21:09God.
21:10A.K.A.
21:11What I said before.
21:12Christianity.
21:13Swooping.
21:14Europe.
21:14Because Rome has fallen.
21:17I've also done my own family tree to put myself into the story.
21:21Uh, I'm one of three.
21:22My parents ran slightly out of time.
21:24Um, oh no, I'm inbred.
21:28LAUGHTER
21:30There's some stuff in there, right?
21:31Yeah, there's some stuff in there.
21:32I wonder if any of it's true.
21:36LAUGHTER
21:36Thank you.
21:38Oh, thanks for having me again.
21:40Thanks, Ivo.
21:43Oh, God.
21:45Oh, God.
21:46Oh, God.
21:47Well, when I was a kid, the BBC would play out open university films,
21:51and it was always of some eccentric professor, sort of rabbiting
21:54on about something that, as a child, you didn't understand.
21:57And I was taken right back there, Ivo.
21:58LAUGHTER
21:59Yes.
22:00We had a historian called Dan Jones to verify your facts.
22:05Right up to whether he's inbred.
22:08LAUGHTER
22:08You said that everyone could shout medieval.
22:11That was your opening gambit.
22:12Yeah.
22:12Yes, 1125 was medieval.
22:14Yes.
22:14From our perspective, but could you shout it in 1125?
22:17Oh.
22:17No, because the concept...
22:18Come on, Dan Jones.
22:19The concept is a product of the Reformation.
22:20You will not speak over the historian's words.
22:25LAUGHTER
22:25Dan Jones is a piece of shit.
22:29LAUGHTER
22:29Can you get money back from Eton?
22:33LAUGHTER
22:35APPLAUSE
22:40I didn't know you'd been on my dad's search history.
22:43LAUGHTER
22:46Made it all right.
22:48Monotheism was the name of the game everywhere.
22:50Er...
22:50It was.
22:51Yes.
22:51But that was the very broad point that May made.
22:55Beverage.
22:55Rome is dead.
22:56Christianity swept the world are the only two facts I ticked off.
22:59And then you did some spurious maths equation.
23:02LAUGHTER
23:02I have a beautiful mind.
23:06LAUGHTER
23:07OK, now, two experts on the classic years 1417 and 1500.
23:12It's Frankie and Cael.
23:15Welcome to my lecture on Britain in 14...17.
23:20LAUGHTER
23:2115...
23:23100.
23:25Or so.
23:26Er, what do we know about Britain then?
23:28We don't know who the king was.
23:29All we know is that he was some sort of brutal English bastard.
23:31Things they didn't know about then include germs, atomic theory,
23:34radio waves, central heating, the rapture and tobacco.
23:38It was a good year for farmers.
23:41Britain as a concept didn't fully exist yet
23:44and we didn't have a sense of British identity.
23:48Water...
23:50..wasn't invented in the 1500s, but used in the 1500s.
23:54Yes.
23:55LAUGHTER
23:56And that is what happened in 14...17.
24:00LAUGHTER
24:01Ten seconds left.
24:02Is that real?
24:03What?
24:04That's like...
24:061500s there was a lot going on there was witches
24:08that came later.
24:09What they do have in the 1500s that they still have now
24:11is, like, dogs and people and huts.
24:14That's the minute.
24:15Was that a real minute?
24:18I had so much prepared.
24:21I think it was pretty informative.
24:22Some of it was true.
24:24Thank you, Frankie.
24:25Thank you.
24:27APPLAUSE
24:31Yeah.
24:32Did Frankie tell us anything that happened in 1417?
24:36I mean, the man forgot his year as he started...
24:39LAUGHTER
24:41Dan Jones might think differently.
24:44Dan agrees there was no fully formed sense of British identity
24:47at the time.
24:48Yep.
24:49And Frankie's summary list of stuff we didn't know about in Britain
24:52is largely correct.
24:53Largely correct!
24:55Yes!
24:56LAUGHTER
24:56Kyle, I think you're going to clean up on this.
24:59Yeah, same.
25:00We don't even need to ask Dan whether there were dogs,
25:03people and huts.
25:06Let's zoom in on...
25:09Water hadn't been invented yet.
25:11But it was being used.
25:13Dan says the water thing is unarguable.
25:15I've never heard it put like that before, though.
25:18APPLAUSE
25:21There's only one person left to deliver their one-minute lesson.
25:28One minute on the year 1642.
25:31Here is Jenny's minute.
25:35Hello, hello, hello, everybody.
25:37It's a joy to be at the campus this afternoon
25:40to spend some time with you all.
25:42So I'd like to begin the lecture today
25:44by writing 1642.
25:48Now, does anybody in the audience
25:51know what the significance of this date 1642 is?
25:57It's a time of turmoil.
25:59It's a time of conflict.
26:01It's a time of weather.
26:03And it's a time of women really
26:06not having the kind of underwear that we have today.
26:09We have little pants, don't we?
26:12And bras.
26:13I think men might have been wearing the codpiece,
26:16but we're not concentrating on them at the moment.
26:19You see, this is what they didn't have.
26:21Women didn't have that.
26:22They didn't have the pill, either.
26:23They had...and they didn't have riveting.
26:26Quite often, you know, depending on your budget and stuff like that,
26:31people liked to have swans in 1642.
26:35That's a swan now, but 1642, they were slightly different.
26:39They were more like that.
26:41So, does anybody have any questions?
26:44Was that a minute?
26:46Roughly, yeah.
26:47Do you want me to blow my whistle?
26:48Yes, please.
26:50Thank you, Jenny.
26:50Thank you very much.
26:51Great work.
26:58Five minutes, 29 seconds.
27:01Yeah, I tried to stop you, but it was not possible.
27:05What did Dan have to say about Jenny's long, long lecture?
27:13Well, Dan says I'm not an expert on women's underwear,
27:15but I did a quick Google.
27:17LAUGHTER
27:20Yeah.
27:21She's about right on the women's underwear.
27:23Codpiece, you're wrong.
27:24The heyday of the codpiece had finished about 50 years previously.
27:26Oh, my God.
27:27That's one of your only facts.
27:29I can't speak to the history of Ravita,
27:31but Jenny's point does feel plausible.
27:35So, I give some points out.
27:36I'm awarding points according to how many actual facts there were.
27:40In Jenny's, there were two facts, but you spoke for one week.
27:45Kael had minus one fact.
27:49But because I enjoyed both your lectures,
27:51despite them being clearly horse shit,
27:54I'm going to give you two points each.
27:55Congratulations.
27:56Two to Jenny, two to Kael.
28:00We think that May actually said one fact.
28:04Great.
28:05Three points to May.
28:07Thank you.
28:09Frankie had two facts.
28:11So, he gets four points.
28:16That's how happy he is.
28:18And at the top of the tree,
28:21it's Professor Graham with five sweet points.
28:24Well done, I have a good idea.
28:25OK, task me rotten, Alex.
28:32Ooh, I will.
28:33Right now, get ready for some serious perforation, Greg.
28:42I'm Frankie.
28:44Watch out.
28:45There's quite a lot of bird shit.
28:47Hello.
28:48Where?
28:56OK.
28:57Make exactly 99 holes in this piece of paper.
29:02Your holes must have a diameter of at least three millimetres.
29:08And form a recognisable picture or pattern.
29:11If you make more or fewer than 99 holes, you are disqualified.
29:16Mm.
29:17Also, if you look at Alex or speak to Alex at any point,
29:22you are disqualified.
29:23Fastest wins.
29:25Your time starts now.
29:32That's a sneaky little trick of yours.
29:34No speaking to you, no looking at you.
29:35Mm.
29:36Cos it's quite a simple task, really.
29:37Just make 99 holes as fast as possible.
29:38Of course, but they're used to speaking and looking at you,
29:40so people are going to fall at that hurdle, you sneaky little boy.
29:44Well, maybe they won't.
29:45Maybe they will.
29:46Do you want to see?
29:47Yep.
29:47OK, well, I know someone who's been looking forward to seeing this one,
29:49and it's you.
29:50May Martin.
29:52I can't look at you or speak to you.
29:57Uh-huh.
29:58What's going on here?
30:04I shouldn't use brute force on the...
30:06I looked at you.
30:07Well, you're still looking at me in a way.
30:09LAUGHTER
30:13Well, what do you want to do?
30:15I don't know.
30:17I'm disqualified.
30:19I'm so sorry to my parents.
30:24Well, goodbye.
30:27Goodbye.
30:29Well, it's very sweet that you feel that sympathetic.
30:32But as my auntie used to say,
30:34May shat in the milk.
30:37LAUGHTER
30:39Within seconds, they looked at me and then...
30:41We looked at each other,
30:42and I was happy and you were sad.
30:44Yeah.
30:47It's happening now.
30:48I'm lost in your eyes right now.
30:49I can't look away.
30:50Yeah.
30:50Maybe every single...
30:52Every single one of these people has made the same mistake.
30:54Wouldn't that be great?
30:55Oh, that would be...
30:56Five R's and out.
30:58Amazing.
30:58What if there's worse mistakes?
31:00LAUGHTER
31:00Or did you actually shit in some milk?
31:04LAUGHTER
31:06Who are we going to see now, Alex?
31:08OK.
31:09Well, I'm very excited to announce an incredibly special guest.
31:11It's one of the biggest reality stars in the world.
31:13It's Kylie Jenner.
31:15No, sorry.
31:15It's Kyle and Jenny.
31:18LAUGHTER
31:21Now...
31:25You OK?
31:26OK.
31:29Kyle?
31:30Do you understand all the rules?
31:31I understand all the rules.
31:33I'm only looking...
31:34What?!
31:35What?!
31:36That's not fair!
31:38Oh, no!
31:39No!
31:40No!
31:41I was being polite.
31:42I'm not stopping.
31:43You're doing...
31:43I'm doing this.
31:44I don't care.
31:49Oh, that's mean!
31:50That was the meanest thing I've ever heard anybody do.
31:53Ooh!
31:54Nasty, nasty trickery.
31:56Why are you taking your shit off?
31:57I'm going to use my, um, this.
31:59You know, I've got weak hands.
32:01Right.
32:02Ten.
32:04Forty.
32:04Hang on.
32:05Eighty.
32:06Sixteen.
32:08Ninety-six.
32:09You all right?
32:10Twenty.
32:11Am I allowed to use anything that's in this area?
32:14Yes.
32:14Absolutely.
32:26What's this paper made out of?
32:28Who are you asking that to?
32:32Better than a shoelace?
32:33Yeah.
32:34Good.
32:37This piece of paper!
32:43I'll just go to writing shit.
32:45Right?
32:45About me?
32:46Yeah.
32:53Shall I stop the clock?
32:56I've stopped the clock.
32:58You can look at me if you want.
33:00I'm really talking to you.
33:043-99.
33:05Right, I've stopped the clock.
33:08I've stopped the clock.
33:08Isso é uma espécie de patro.
33:09Isso não conta, e isso não deve ser contado.
33:14Thank you very much, indeed.
33:16Estou jokinando.
33:30Você, um...
33:31...delite-me, Kael.
33:32Você tem que acrós a whole série
33:34...by how angry Alex's little nerdy little traps make you.
33:39You cannot write...
33:40...on this paper, on a piece of paper.
33:44I don't think that was a sneaky trick.
33:46There was an enormous piece of green paper.
33:50You took him!
33:53Jenny, why did you carry on when you knew that you'd been disqualified?
33:57I thought I might enjoy the task.
34:00She did the holes very well.
34:01She doubled up the paper, which is very clever, quite quick.
34:03Yeah.
34:04She actually did 109 holes.
34:06What was Kyle's hole count?
34:08Er, 99.
34:11APPLAUSE
34:15Yeah, he definitely never looked at me and, er...
34:17Well, he barely spoke to me during the whole process, so, yeah.
34:21Yeah, I mean, let's put it out there.
34:23Kyle does not like Alex.
34:25LAUGHTER
34:28Two left. Frankie and Ivor.
34:35This golf tee seems an early fave.
34:42Ah.
34:44Do be careful.
34:47This hole punch is certainly not to be sniffed at.
34:54What number are we on?
34:58LAUGHTER
34:58And what's that first hole representing?
35:01I am focusing on my job.
35:04LAUGHTER
35:04Happy with the tool?
35:06Frankie?
35:0918, 19...
35:10Positively demonic.
35:1220, 21...
35:14That must be about...
35:1565...
35:1784...
35:1726...
35:1827...
35:19I've lost count.
35:201, 2, 3, 4...
35:2172...
35:2238...
35:2364.
35:25LAUGHTER
35:34Shall I stop the clock?
35:42Check it again.
35:43Exactly 99.
35:44Yes.
35:45And that's my face.
35:47I've stopped the clock.
35:52APPLAUSE
35:54Good.
35:55I sensed that Ivo's way of dissipating the irritation and stress that Alex was trying to cause was just to
36:02keep talking.
36:03Block him out with my own miserable internal monologue.
36:07And it was very effective.
36:08Frankie's was different and it was to absorb it all to the point where I genuinely thought that you might
36:15throw those scissors at something.
36:16LAUGHTER
36:17But both...
36:18Both men did a lovely drawing by the end of the day.
36:21Lovely drawings consisting of 99 holes exactly each of them.
36:24Whoa.
36:25Yeah.
36:26And fast.
36:26Kyle was 11 minutes 47 because he didn't see the enormous piece of paper.
36:34No, they're the bad ones.
36:36They're not the good ones.
36:40Frankie, 5 minutes 51.
36:42Oh.
36:43Much, much quicker.
36:44Ivo, 5 minutes and 9 seconds.
36:46Whoa.
36:47Impressive stuff.
36:48Wow.
36:49How did I do?
36:51Very, very quick.
36:5315 seconds.
36:54There's only one question, I think, with one of them, which I want to play a clip, to get your
36:59judgement on.
37:00Oh, yeah, sure.
37:01Have a look at this and see if anyone's broken a rule.
37:0522, 23...
37:06It's got to be a recognisable picture.
37:0824.
37:08You'll recogn...
37:09You, plural, will recognise it at home.
37:1225, 26, 27.
37:14I've lost count.
37:15As cool as it is undeniable.
37:22You just couldn't shut the fuck up, could you, Ivo?
37:30Which means it's zero points to Ivo, as well as May and Jenny.
37:33Four to KL, but five to Frankie Boyle!
37:38Now, let's look at the scores before I launch them one by one onto the stage.
37:42Quite right, too.
37:43Yes, it's turned it into a bit of a two-horse race, which is between KL and Frankie, who's in
37:47the lead with 18 points.
37:48Oh!
37:53Please head up to the stage for the final task of the show!
38:03Hello, young fellow me lads.
38:05Hello, mate.
38:07Who will be reading the task out?
38:10My favourite one, KL.
38:13Whoa!
38:15I'm trying to win him back.
38:17No chance, mate.
38:20Combine two of your things to equal the height of the thing said by Greg.
38:25You may not use any of your things twice.
38:28Worst guess each round is eliminated.
38:31So they've got 30 seconds to combine two things to equal the height of what, Greg, in round one?
38:37Reese Witherspoon.
38:38Have a look at your paddles.
38:39Combine two things to be the height of Reese Witherspoon.
38:41Remember, you don't need to show us or squat.
38:48No changing, thank you.
38:49So you may now exchange your paddles for the objects.
38:52Yeah, over or through the gap, it's fine.
39:00She's ever so tall.
39:03Would you like me to get Reese Witherspoon out?
39:05I really would.
39:07I think Jenny's going to be disappointed.
39:10Here she comes.
39:11Right.
39:12How tall is Reese Witherspoon?
39:14Reese is a little bit smaller than a chicken standing on a cello.
39:17She's about the same as a chicken sitting on a cello.
39:19So I'm going to compare it to the...
39:21What is that? A traffic cone on a cello.
39:23Let's have a look.
39:24The difference in centimetres is...
39:2749 centimetres.
39:28All right, I thought she might be wearing heels.
39:3149 centimetres to beat.
39:33Great game.
39:34She's 27 centimetres taller than a chicken standing on a space hopper.
39:39We've lost Jenny Eclair!
39:39Jenny's gone.
39:40Oh, my God.
39:46Is that a present?
39:47An old lady chair?
39:48Yes.
39:50Like in The Chemist?
39:51Yeah.
39:54Next up, Greg is...
39:56The Taskmaster's inside leg.
39:59Off you go.
40:06Three...
40:06Two...
40:07One.
40:08Yes.
40:09I'd have gone for that.
40:11I'd have gone for that.
40:11I'd have gone for that.
40:14OK.
40:21That's an interesting association.
40:24What we were looking for, of course, is a meerkat on a space hopper.
40:28We haven't got that.
40:29We've got four warthogs.
40:34Yeah, well, here is the inner leg.
40:37The slit goes all the way to right there.
40:40That's where he is compared to me.
40:42And, er...
40:42No, I think we found our loser, yeah.
40:45That means we have lost Frankie Boyle.
40:47Unlucky Frankie.
40:48Close hole.
40:50APPLAUSE
40:54What's round three, Greg?
40:57Alpaca.
40:58Yes.
40:58It's an adult male alpaca, please.
41:07OK.
41:08Flop away!
41:14Oh!
41:15Oh!
41:16Interesting.
41:16Interesting.
41:17They look taller in the adverts.
41:22Let's get out an alpaca and see how he compares to that.
41:26Aren't you, Pop?
41:27There he is.
41:29Oh, he's big.
41:30He's big.
41:31He's a big one.
41:32Oh, what a big lad.
41:34I think we know who's safe.
41:35Congratulations, Ivor.
41:36You've made it to the final.
41:37Yes, well done.
41:40So it's a tie-break to see who gets through to the final.
41:43All you've got to do in the tie-break is write on the back of your meerkat
41:46how tall you think a meerkat and a traffic cone is combined in centimetres.
41:50Closest guess wins.
41:52You've got ten seconds.
41:56Have you finished?
41:58Kyle, what is your answer?
42:0090.
42:01OK.
42:02What's your answer, May?
42:03Up at 84.
42:06The correct answer is...
42:08108 centimetres.
42:10Kyle's in the final!
42:11Well done, Kyle!
42:18All right, so it's the final.
42:20Looking forward to the final, guys.
42:22Well, I've only got one paddle left, so I assume there's a thrilling twist.
42:26The last item is, Greg?
42:28Yoda.
42:30Exchange your paddle for the thing you think is the same height as Yoda.
42:34No.
42:37Oh, I don't know!
42:39Is Yoda the same height as a space hopper or a standing up chicken?
42:43I genuinely don't know!
42:45He's not tall.
42:46No, he's little.
42:47We know that.
42:48Short he is.
42:51There he is.
42:52It's still...
42:54It's still close.
42:56I can't tell.
42:57No, it's close.
42:58Ooh!
42:59It is close.
43:00Or this.
43:03We have a nine centimetre difference and an 11 centimetre difference.
43:08We have a winner!
43:08Come on, it's Matt Bradley!
43:13Right, we'll have those up.
43:14We'll have the final scores.
43:15Come and join me!
43:23Well, now.
43:24Well, now, Greg.
43:26So, in the task, Jenny, of course, one point.
43:28Two to Frankie, three to May, four to Ivo, five to Kael Smith-Baino.
43:32Well done.
43:35Very good.
43:36Very good.
43:38And with one episode to go, it's tightened things up.
43:41It's a two-horse race for the overall winner.
43:44There is now seven points separating May and Kael.
43:46It's exciting.
43:48And this episode, it's his third win in a row.
43:52Once more, the winner is Kael Smith-Baino!
43:57Kael Smith-Baino wins!
44:00Please slink up to slip away with your sneaky things!
44:08So, what have we learnt today?
44:10You may think you know someone, your friends, your family,
44:13but everyone is capable of being sneaky.
44:16Even me.
44:18Open your mouth.
44:19LAUGHTER
44:26Jenny Eclair's new book is out now!
44:31CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
44:33Just one sweet final to go,
44:36but just one sweet winner tonight,
44:38and that person was Kael Smith-Baino!
44:41APPLAUSE
45:11MUSIC
Comentários