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00:00.
00:01Brace! Brace!
00:03I'm bracing!
00:11No, no, no!
00:18No!
00:23Ah!
00:25What?
00:34Hello!
00:36Hello, everyone!
00:38Hello!
00:40I'm Craig Davis and this is Taskmaster.
00:43It's funny what counts as entertainment these days.
00:46We see people clamouring for true crime stories,
00:48and anyone can start a podcast and chat about socks or whatever,
00:52but what happened to the good old-fashioned tradition
00:54of humiliating people?
00:56As a young man, my father regularly pulled my trousers down
00:59at public events.
01:02And I always found it funny,
01:05even during the backlash at my grandmother's funeral.
01:09Can we please get back to wholesome fun?
01:12Can we?
01:12It's a complicated world, guys.
01:14Let's pull together.
01:15Let's identify the victims and all pile on.
01:17Boop, boop, boop!
01:19Oh!
01:19Here comes the victim train now!
01:21Please welcome...
01:23Becky Boyle!
01:24CHEERING
01:36And next to me, a man who told me his father has only ever given him
01:40one Christmas present in his life,
01:41a beautifully wrapped piece of Welsh slate that had one solitary word engraved upon it.
01:47That word?
01:48Toad!
01:50It's...
01:51Little Larry Toad!
01:54Hi, Dad.
01:55Hello, everyone.
01:58What have you got for me?
02:00Well, I've invented a new feature for the show.
02:02Oh.
02:02It's called Taskmaster Karaoke.
02:05Yes.
02:05Yes.
02:06So all you've got to do is turn down the volume of your TVs
02:08and turn on the subtitles
02:11and then you can speak along with the show.
02:13I think you can do this with any TV show.
02:15I think it's a really good idea.
02:18It's really good.
02:19I don't know, it might be fun.
02:20It's a really good thing.
02:21It might be fun.
02:21It might catch on.
02:22I do it with the news.
02:25And, er, is it all well with the world?
02:30Should we begin with the prize task?
02:32Yes, we have to because that's the format
02:34and we're simply the eye candy, Greg.
02:36Let's go.
02:37This week they've been asked to bring in
02:39the best thing you take everywhere with you
02:41but struggle to fit in your bag.
02:44Best ill-fitting thing wins five points
02:46and the best winner of the show
02:47takes them all home in a skip-sized bag, Greg.
02:50Right, first up, Frankie.
02:53It's a struggle because I do take it everywhere,
02:55this photograph of when I was doing a gig
02:58and my son wandered on stage to tell a joke.
03:03He's six foot one now
03:04but he had a uniquely penetrating voice as a child
03:08and I took him to the Scotland women's football game.
03:11The women's football, they all have their hair up in some fashion,
03:13it's all kind of scrunched up in some way
03:14and he had a look around and he went,
03:15there's a lot of tight buns out there.
03:18LAUGHTER
03:22Quite the voice he had on him.
03:24Quite the voice.
03:25And he was going to tell a joke,
03:27which little did that crowd know
03:28would have been at an astonishing volume
03:30but he didn't, I didn't let him.
03:32Do you know what the joke was that he had planned?
03:33He was simply going to say the word yellow.
03:37LAUGHTER
03:39How big is it? Doesn't look that big.
03:41Mmm, it's not that big but I have quite a small bag.
03:46Ivo, what did you bring in?
03:48I'm going to unusually follow Frankie down a sentimental route.
03:52I've had very few points for LOLs-based prize tasks,
03:56so here's some goddamn feeling.
03:59LAUGHTER
03:59You sound like a psychopath.
04:02LAUGHTER
04:03I've brought in one of several puzzles that I do
04:06with my daughter, who is three.
04:08Here it is.
04:10My daughter and I will occasionally have to kill
04:12half an hour between nursery and ballet, for example.
04:16Nursery for her, ballet for you?
04:18That's exactly.
04:19LAUGHTER
04:19Obviously the box is an absolute faff,
04:22so what I've taken to doing is pouring out the pieces
04:25of the puzzle and while this is very useful for compact packing,
04:29it does mean that occasionally I've just got random pieces
04:31of dismembered horse just rolling around the bottom of my bag.
04:34LAUGHTER
04:35I think I enjoyed it.
04:36Thanks.
04:37OK.
04:37Jenny.
04:38What have you brought in that's massive and you carry around?
04:40I get very tired, Greg.
04:42I don't know about you.
04:43Oh, God.
04:44You have no idea.
04:46LAUGHTER
04:46Most of the time I just want to lie down.
04:49So it's an inflatable bed?
04:51Yeah.
04:54It's a small double.
04:55It's a small double.
04:57LAUGHTER
04:57I think the fact that you carry a bed round with you is insane.
05:02Yes.
05:02Jenny does.
05:03Have you ever considered that that's maybe why you're tired?
05:06LAUGHTER
05:09David Schwimmer always sleeps in an inflatable bed.
05:12Even at home?
05:13Why does David Schwimmer sleep in an inflatable bed?
05:15It's a guess.
05:17LAUGHTER
05:19LAUGHTER
05:19OK.
05:21Very good.
05:23Kyle?
05:23GD.
05:24Can you beat these three?
05:26Well, I mean, mine's the same as Jenny's.
05:29A folding chair.
05:31LAUGHTER
05:31Do you carry a chair round with you, really?
05:33Occasionally.
05:34Yeah.
05:35LAUGHTER
05:36I saw a make-up artist do it once and I was like,
05:38that's sick.
05:40LAUGHTER
05:40Would it help if I told you that Matthew Perry always sits on a folding chair?
05:44LAUGHTER
05:44I think that's true.
05:46LAUGHTER
05:47One less.
05:48OK.
05:49It's up to you to save this.
05:50May?
05:50It's not going to happen.
05:52LAUGHTER
05:53Whatever it is, I can't wait to hear about Jennifer Aniston using it.
05:57LAUGHTER
05:57What I bring around everywhere is a very fine...
06:02..whiskey.
06:02A very fine whisky.
06:05Yeah.
06:05Do continue.
06:06In a flask.
06:07Here it is.
06:08This is the reason I wish I'd gone before Frankie,
06:11because I also have a very small bag.
06:14And I have also, like, a really tiny wallet.
06:19LAUGHTER
06:21Um...
06:21..tiny phone.
06:24LAUGHTER
06:26When Frankie said,
06:27Oh, I've got a really small bag, you went,
06:28Yeah!
06:30Did you see my face?
06:31Yeah, it was exactly the same as Kyle's face
06:33when Jenny brought out the bed, which is better than the chair.
06:36Yeah.
06:36How's a bed bed and a chair?
06:38Bigger, better.
06:39Well, no.
06:41Yeah.
06:41Because you can sit down in public, right?
06:43Oh, yeah.
06:43I can lie down in public.
06:45LAUGHTER
06:46Why is your photograph of a child better than a bed, Frankie?
06:50Who gives a fuck?
06:53LAUGHTER
06:59I mean, unbelievably.
07:00I'm going to give the bed five points.
07:01Yeah!
07:06Don't look at me, Kyle.
07:07You don't even carry that...
07:08LAUGHTER
07:09You don't even carry that bloody thing anywhere.
07:12LAUGHTER
07:12I mean, I do like that May made an effort.
07:15OK.
07:15You know, they put a joke together, but it's not a great one.
07:20LAUGHTER
07:20If you want to hear a good joke...
07:22YELLOWS!
07:24LAUGHTER
07:26Even though these prizes have been rubbish...
07:30Let's start the show on a high-scoring, uplifting...
07:34LAUGHTER
07:35Why not?
07:35OK.
07:36Why not?
07:36Let's say Jenny gets five and everyone else gets four.
07:39Why not?
07:41APPLAUSE
07:43Well done, everyone.
07:45We're off.
07:46Do you have a fruit-based task to start us off today, please?
07:49Would have thought so.
07:50Ready?
07:50And...
07:51Fetch!
07:54MUSIC
08:05Ah.
08:05Hi.
08:06Hello.
08:06Welcome to the...club.
08:08Oh, thank you so much.
08:10Hello, Alex.
08:11Hmm.
08:11And you are?
08:13Ivo Graham.
08:14Ah, yes.
08:15Your name is down.
08:16You can come in.
08:18You may not leave.
08:19I may not leave?
08:20But you may go anywhere in that direction.
08:22This is the opposite of when I go to clubs.
08:25LAUGHTER
08:26Trapped in VIP.
08:27Not a bad life.
08:29LAUGHTER
08:29I'm getting an intense whiff of kind of... sewage.
08:33Yeah.
08:34Anyway, unless it's you.
08:37LAUGHTER
08:40Pile the pineapples on the path.
08:44Pile the pineapples on the path.
08:47You must not get wet.
08:49Most pineapples piled on the path wins.
08:51You have 15 minutes.
08:53Your time...
08:58Starts...
08:58Now.
09:01This is the path.
09:02That's the path.
09:03That's a couple of pineapples.
09:04How many pineapples?
09:05Mmm.
09:06There's the big gold pineapple.
09:08There's a real pineapple.
09:10There's a little lampshade.
09:12There's an inflatable pineapple.
09:14I don't really know what's on the inflatable pineapple.
09:17Oh, it's clearly a candy floss pineapple.
09:19It's a candy floss pineapple.
09:20And then, um...
09:22Well, then there's a tin, which I reckon has got some pineapples in.
09:25Correct.
09:26Chunks.
09:31OK, so many bouncer, let's see them retrieve some pineapples.
09:35All right, then.
09:35Our first two golden pineapple retrievers are Frankie and Kael.
09:40OK, well, that's a start.
09:42A magnet's a start.
09:43Right.
09:46Oh, man.
09:52That sort of made things worse.
10:01Oh, man.
10:06That's bad.
10:07Wow, you really don't want to get this near metal.
10:12Well...
10:13Let's look at it this way.
10:14We've now anchored that successfully.
10:19Oh!
10:36Well, something happened.
10:40Ow!
10:42Oh, yeah.
10:43I've got to get some points of that.
10:45Oh!
10:49I'm just throwing a log at a pineapple.
10:57What was I made out of?
10:59Pineapple.
11:00This whole time, you've watched me trying to get that magnet on a piece of rubber?
11:05Yep.
11:07Maybe it's my technique that's wrong.
11:13Good for Destin's.
11:14Over here.
11:16Oh, no, no, no.
11:17Look.
11:18No, it's going to fall!
11:19Ah!
11:20Three minutes forty.
11:25Something's in the water.
11:27Gotcha!
11:30One pineapple.
11:31Five to go.
11:32Five?
11:33Wait, that one's floating down a bit.
11:3545 seconds, Frankie.
11:40One pineapple!
11:43I think he's bloody got it.
11:45Yes!
11:52It was a slightly sad end.
11:55Bye, Kyle.
11:59Ah!
12:00You all right?
12:13No, good for you.
12:15I'm glad.
12:23Quite an act of aggression there.
12:25Kicking that one plant pot over.
12:27He knows what he's up to.
12:28This is his life energy.
12:30He hides those pineapples.
12:31He'd be like...
12:34Did you not notice the pineapples or did you just not care?
12:37I thought it was just they'd left them there to set up for the next contestant.
12:41I didn't think they were supposed to anger me in any way.
12:45I don't think that we had to be on something that was magnetic.
12:48I think that was a bad choice.
12:50I couldn't have enjoyed it more.
12:53You've got twice as many pineapples as Frankie, who got one.
12:57If I had a good strategy for fishing rubbish out of some sewage,
13:02what sort of person would I be?
13:04LAUGHTER
13:05Very good.
13:07Now for the attempts of Jenny and Ivo.
13:09Ivo, it's off to work, he goes.
13:13LAUGHTER
13:15Does that... Is that the longest it'll go?
13:17Yes, it's not very good.
13:20That's rubbish.
13:24It's not long enough.
13:25Ah.
13:26What does this do?
13:29LAUGHTER
13:35I don't think that's happening.
13:40I don't know what to do!
13:52I've done it.
13:54I've done a Taskmaster task.
14:07Five.
14:09But I can't just sort of rest on those...
14:12florals.
14:13My trousers are falling down.
14:15Right.
14:16What's this going to do?
14:17Nothing!
14:18Nothing!
14:26I can't even hear it anymore.
14:31It's so far away.
14:37If I had longer arms...
14:39You could just pick up the pineapple.
14:43Is it tethered?
14:45It might be.
14:47Use the scissors!
14:52No.
14:53I think standing in the wheelbarrow is a non-starter.
15:00LAUGHTER
15:02Oh, my God!
15:04Is she coming downstream?
15:07Getting even one will be at the triumph of the century.
15:10Come to Mummy.
15:12Come to Mummy.
15:14Oh, no!
15:16Oh!
15:17Oh!
15:18OK.
15:21Oh!
15:22Oh!
15:23I'm getting a bit wet.
15:25But only magnet retrieval wet, not falling off a wheelbarrow wet.
15:31Oh!
15:32Oh!
15:33Two pineapples.
15:36Come on.
15:38Come on, big boy.
15:39Please.
15:41Please!
15:4230 seconds.
15:43Please!
15:45Ah!
15:46Must have my tummy.
15:52Where are my chunks?
15:56Oh, not more fucking pineapples.
15:58LAUGHTER
16:02APPLAUSE
16:05How did Jenny do using her come-to-mummy long arms technique?
16:09That technique yielded zero pineapples, but when you cut the thread that was tethering the pineapple, she piled four pineapples.
16:16Not bad.
16:17There were two little phrases that came involuntarily out of Ivo that I think will come to define him.
16:22At first, I thought it was this one.
16:25Please.
16:26Please!
16:27Please!
16:32The escalating pleases haunted me.
16:35Yeah.
16:35But in fact, I think this one cancelled it out.
16:38Where's my chunks?
16:42I love where's my chunks.
16:44I've got where's my chunks tattooed on my shin.
16:48I love where's my chunks.
16:49I mean, he got loads of chunks, didn't he?
16:51Yeah, we've doubled each time.
16:52One, two, four.
16:53Now, nine.
16:54Nine.
16:59One left.
17:00One left, of course.
17:02It's May Martin.
17:04Are there any hidden pineapples?
17:05That's what I want to know.
17:06Like, there must be...
17:07hidden pineapples.
17:15Okay.
17:21This is pretty good.
17:24Ah!
17:25Fuck!
17:26No!
17:27No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
17:33One pineapple.
17:36Pineapple.
17:38Pineapple, I presume.
17:41Yeah.
17:43I like doing a task like this where I'm just on my own.
17:47And I don't have to deal with anyone else's, uh...
17:51ideas.
17:53You don't miss your teammates?
17:55No.
17:57No.
17:59Can I have some help?
18:01Yeah.
18:02Thank you.
18:03Oh, yeah.
18:05Oh, what is that?
18:07There's a pineapple in there.
18:10Five pineapples.
18:12Okay.
18:13Now I'm looking for hidden pineapples.
18:16Right.
18:16You've got five minutes, ten seconds.
18:31Do you have a pen and paper?
18:33Yeah.
18:4013 pineapples there.
18:41Mm-hmm.
18:45I lost your pen.
18:47Yeah, that was my pen.
18:48Okay, you done, mate.
18:50Oh, no.
18:51Right.
18:52You owe me a pen.
18:53I owe you a pen.
18:54Sorry.
18:57Oh, no!
19:08I just want to remind you that Frankie has argued with such passion
19:13that the word banana written on a card constitutes a banana.
19:16And I will argue that again.
19:19A drawing of a pineapple can be called a pineapple.
19:22Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
19:25Kyle, wherever you go, I'm ready to follow.
19:32You did very well, um, bringing the prepared pineapples out.
19:36It's just whether I allow the drawn pineapples, isn't it?
19:39Well, it's not.
19:39It's not a question.
19:41There are several pineapple effigies involved here
19:45that aren't really pineapples.
19:46They're a bit more real than those drawings.
19:49But all words and images are metaphors for the things they represent.
19:54LAUGHTER
19:59In no other environment does that sentence get whoops and cheese.
20:04I think most pineapples look more like the pineapple
20:06than the candy floss pineapple as well.
20:08Yeah.
20:09That you designed for the show that's your show
20:11and we're trying to do our best on.
20:13In a conventional fashion.
20:15And also, I've got something else as well.
20:18To go on some weird reverie about how you like being on your own
20:22because your teammates just ruin it for you,
20:23and then immediately saying to Alex,
20:25can you help me get this pineapple out of the water?
20:29Pathetic!
20:29I am going to allow the drawn pineapples.
20:32What?!
20:33CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
20:36What, cause of the banana?
20:37No, cause of the nature of language, man!
20:41So, we're allowing the pineapples, are we?
20:43I'm afraid we are.
20:44Fuck's sake!
20:47OK, well, Frankie, well done.
20:48You get one point.
20:49Two to Kyle, three to Jenny, four to Ivo,
20:51and five to May Martin!
20:55CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
20:56Scoreboard time!
20:58In this episode, it's tight.
20:59Frankie on the bottom of five.
21:01May Martin's in the lead with nine points.
21:02Here we are.
21:04APPLAUSE
21:07Do you have a really good touch standard by Alex?
21:09Let's have a look.
21:10Yes!
21:10I think this one's probably OK.
21:14MUSIC PLAYS
21:19MUSIC PLAYS
21:20MUSIC PLAYS
21:22MUSIC PLAYS
21:25MUSIC PLAYS
21:25Hi!
21:26Hiya!
21:27Frankie!
21:28Oh, brolly mad in here.
21:31Barrel full of brollies.
21:32LAUGHTER
21:33Before you do that,
21:35pick an umbrella, any umbrella.
21:40Tartu.
21:41A classic, simple black.
21:45Oh, God.
21:46Oh, dear.
21:47I know that a lot will depend on this.
21:49I'm going to go big bugger.
21:51LAUGHTER
21:54Very nice.
21:56Repurpose this umbrella and demonstrate its new purpose.
21:59Most inventive repurposing of an umbrella wins.
22:03You have 20 minutes.
22:04Time starts now.
22:07And that's yours to do what you want with.
22:09They were all going to be discarded.
22:10These are, they're rescue umbrellas.
22:12They are rescue umbrellas.
22:13We're doing our bit.
22:15I hate my umbrella.
22:17LAUGHTER
22:17OK, right.
22:18What else could it be?
22:24I said before, I said again,
22:26you always get a little performance flourish with KL.
22:30I didn't need to toss that umbrella up.
22:31A real showman sometimes, you know that.
22:34All the time.
22:35Good.
22:35Shall we start?
22:36Good boy.
22:37Yes, please.
22:37OK.
22:38Up first, it's KSB.
22:40Kyle Smith-Bino.
22:41The bank that likes to say yes.
22:43LAUGHTER
22:47So that's different to what it was.
22:49Mm-hm.
22:52That's something.
22:57It's like a trap.
23:01Got you.
23:03What can I catch?
23:10Ah, it's been a long day at work.
23:12I can't wait to sit down and put my feet up.
23:15Pause.
23:17Hang on a minute.
23:18That's my family.
23:19What's happened?
23:23I can't hear you.
23:25Hang on.
23:26What's that?
23:28Bread.
23:29I want to save my family, but the bread's so beautiful.
23:35It's a trap.
23:38Oh, no.
23:40I'm trapped.
23:41And I didn't get any of the bread.
23:45Oh, no.
23:48Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
23:51The duck catcher!
23:53What's your time up, Kyle?
23:56BUZZER
23:58Duck for dinner!
24:02Aplausos
24:06O Ducks são de scotlandia, claro.
24:09Sim, porque o ombro era era titular.
24:12Ah, isso faz sentido.
24:14E o que é o backstory da Ducks?
24:16O que é o Ducks?
24:17Ele era também o Braveheart.
24:20Ele era por um azul.
24:22Ele estava em casa de um carro de batalha.
24:26E ele veio para casa e filha e filha
24:30que ele tinha sido, um, duct-tapado.
24:35E ele queria que ele saia, mas tinha um pedaço.
24:37Ele queria que ele saia, mas tinha um pedaço de bread.
24:41A lot to take in with.
24:42Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, the duck-catcher.
24:44I thoroughly enjoyed it.
24:46Então, vamos ver mais dois mais.
24:47Vamos ver dois mais agora.
24:48Vamos dizer, hi-vo, to Ivo, e hey, to May.
24:58Hello, Alex.
24:59Hello, Ivo.
25:01Have you repurposed the umbrella?
25:02I've repurposed the umbrella.
25:06Come on, Bosco.
25:12He's a wire-haired border brawly.
25:19Start with the gin.
25:21In an umbrella?
25:22In a repurposed umbrella.
25:26I don't know if you can see his tail.
25:28Oh, that's nice.
25:29Can he wag his tail without shaking his head?
25:31Why would he want to do that?
25:33A bit of elderflower?
25:34I do like elderflower.
25:37Traditionally, we'd have a bit of liminal lime.
25:38Due to a citrus shortage.
25:41Bit of pineapple?
25:42Perfect.
25:44Who's your best friend?
25:46May Martin.
25:47Who's your enemy?
25:50Alex Horne.
25:52Well, that just sounded like a man saying Alex Horne.
25:54No, that was 100% Bosco.
25:58This is where the art of it really comes in.
26:04Drop that on the floor at some point.
26:05Yeah, put it in the drink then.
26:07Oh, you'd like to see him leave the room?
26:08Ah, yes.
26:10OK.
26:11See you later.
26:13Thank you, Bosco.
26:14Good luck.
26:16Bye, Bosco.
26:17Watch out for the floor frame, Bosco.
26:20He's still learning.
26:24Well, thank you.
26:28Are you meant to dilute the elderflower?
26:33Very heavy on the elderflower, yeah.
26:35Goodbye.
26:36Bye-bye.
26:36Thank you, Ira.
26:42That was so crazy.
26:44Thanks.
26:44And I did warm to Bosco when he started to reveal is that he despised Alex.
26:48Yeah.
26:49And was that your stitching work?
26:51Staple gun.
26:52Yeah.
26:53May made it instantly.
26:54Took 20 minutes.
26:54It was impressive to watch.
26:55There it was.
26:56Ivo, do you think this is a new low?
27:02I'm sorry I didn't staple gun a monstrous dog together.
27:07You will be when I have the points out.
27:13Right.
27:13Yeah, it's time for the final two attempts now.
27:16And what a bespectacled spectacle it is as Frankie Boyle
27:19and Jenny Eclair hit the catwalk.
27:36Oh, hi Frankie.
27:37Hey.
27:37What are you going to do with your umbrella?
27:39I have turned it into this skirt and fascinator combination.
27:47I'm wearing House of Eclair and this is a handmade hiking and writing cagoule.
27:53It's for those who like outdoors, maybe climb a mountain and then write a poem at the top.
27:59Wow.
28:01It's surprisingly good.
28:04I'm going to mull over that.
28:06Yeah.
28:10APPLAUSE
28:14Well, the House of Eclair employs quite a sassy runway model, I thought.
28:19Looked pretty good at all her own work.
28:21Oh, really?
28:23I thought she cheated and parashuted a team in from Paris.
28:29It had a pocket for my notebook.
28:32For when you write poetry up the mountain.
28:34Up the mountain.
28:35And the metal frame of the umbrella, what was that for?
28:37That was for warding off anything that needed warding off.
28:42For when you're up the mountain.
28:43Up the mountain.
28:44Looking a bit sexy in my, in my hiking and writing cagoule.
28:49Hiking and writing, is that what you said?
28:51Hiking and writing.
28:51Oh, I thought you were speaking German.
28:55Hiking and writing.
28:56And warding off the boys.
29:01You've, erm, I hope this is appropriate.
29:03You've got a good sturdy set of legs on you, Frankie.
29:04Thanks.
29:06Do you know what it felt like, waiting to watch that?
29:08When I was a kid, er, our local library had a Christmas drawing competition.
29:13And I drew a snowman and they put it up on the wall.
29:17And then everyone else's started to go up and they were, like, really good.
29:21And when I saw May's entry there, that's how I felt.
29:24I felt like when I'd gone to the library as a little boy and said,
29:28could I have my snowman back?
29:31And they said no.
29:35Oh, but Frankie, come on.
29:36You had a fascinator.
29:39Well, you've seen all five.
29:41I have.
29:41Least inventive?
29:42Well, I mean, just tossing a load of drinks into it.
29:44Less inventive than two people both making clothes out of it.
29:47Yep.
29:50I'm going to give Jenny two points because Frankie used a whole umbrella.
29:54But I just think that Jenny was left with a frame of the umbrella
29:56and just carried it around.
29:59Warding off the boys.
30:01To ward off the boys.
30:02OK.
30:03Two points to Jenny, three points to Frankie.
30:05Great.
30:06Inventive's the word.
30:07So Bosco the dog can only have four points on this occasion.
30:10Wow.
30:10Because of the complex narrative surrounding the Scottish...
30:14LAUGHTER
30:17Four points to Pearl!
30:19Thank you.
30:20Do you have another one on standby?
30:22Ah!
30:23Ah!
30:23I don't know!
30:24Whoa!
30:25Ah! Sorry, I had a bit of a wobble there.
30:27Here we go.
30:39MUSIC PLAYS
30:40Hiya. Morning.
30:42Jelly.
30:42Yeah.
30:43With a duck in it.
30:44Of course.
30:45Ooh, a jelly mould.
30:47It's jelly, Jenny.
30:48Yes, it is.
30:50LAUGHTER
30:54This is funny to me already.
30:56Great.
30:57Nice little jiggle.
30:59Yeah.
31:01Put the most stuff on top of this jelly without breaking the jelly.
31:07Without breaking the jelly.
31:09If anything other than jelly touches the duck, you are disqualified.
31:13Heaviest stuff on the jelly exactly ten minutes from now wins.
31:18Put the most stuff on top of this jelly without breaking the jelly.
31:21Heaviest stuff on the jelly exactly ten minutes from now wins.
31:23Yeah, this is vintage.
31:32Are you starting to get bored of the format?
31:35That was day one. That was the first task.
31:39Let's just get on with it.
31:40You've got to balance a load of heavy stuff on a jelly, right?
31:42Yeah.
31:43And I think it's appropriate if we start with Ivo all by himself.
31:46Agreed?
31:47Yes.
31:51I think encasing the jelly will stop it pushing outwards.
31:57Yeah, I like that actually.
31:59Mm-hmm.
32:02I guess I might ask you whether you think those bricks are balanced on the jelly.
32:05It is a bit of an interesting physical question, isn't it?
32:10What do you think?
32:12I think if you took the jelly away, the bricks wouldn't move.
32:16That's undeniable.
32:18The answer's in the wobble, isn't it?
32:20The answer's in the wobble?
32:21The answer's in the wobble.
32:23Where's the wobble from?
32:25Fine.
32:31I mean, there's even a bit of a surface incision.
32:34If it was a wound, it would heal within the week.
32:38440 left.
32:41Yeah, I swear.
32:54Oh!
32:55Oh!
33:03Oh!
33:10Well, why don't you talk me through your technique?
33:12Obviously, watching it back, the jump from 0 bananas to 6 bananas was aggressive.
33:16Yeah.
33:17You said afterwards, you should have taken a banana-by-banana approach.
33:21Yeah.
33:21Or even broken the banana down into, um...
33:25Chunks.
33:25Yeah, chunks.
33:28Who's next?
33:29OK, well, how about May and Kael next?
33:31Here we go.
33:33The most stuff.
33:35That's a start.
33:37I'm going to test the strength of the jelly.
33:40I want a flat base that's going to sort of displace the weight
33:45so that I'm pressing on the widest possible surface area.
33:49Sounds like you've done this before.
33:50I've done this a couple of times.
33:52Yeah, yeah, yeah.
33:53Ah.
33:55We're talking physics.
33:56Are we?
33:57Yeah.
34:00Ooh, it's sticky, the jelly.
34:03What flavour is this?
34:04Lemon jelly.
34:05Hate it.
34:07OK.
34:08It's hard.
34:10And soft.
34:12There's no way this is the best flavour you could find.
34:15Ooh.
34:17Very light.
34:19Yep.
34:20Lovely.
34:21OK, that'll definitely work.
34:24But it's not enough.
34:26It's not enough.
34:29Oh, my God.
34:31If I can get that exactly on the middle.
34:37Wait.
34:39What's happening to the dog?
34:40Oh, no, no, no.
34:42There.
34:43There.
34:44There.
34:46There.
34:48No, there.
34:50Hang on.
34:51There.
34:55There.
34:57Oh, some things have happened.
34:59A lot's happened.
35:01Oh, no.
35:03It's what's on there exactly ten minutes after the task started.
35:07Well, in that case, I'll just wait.
35:10I might just wait till the last possible second.
35:14Will you tell me when I've got 30 seconds?
35:16Yeah, there's a clock here.
35:17Oh, what should we do till then?
35:20Rugby.
35:22I don't know if we could do rugby.
35:24Just because of the crockery.
35:28I don't think the duck is touching the record, I would argue.
35:34But I've really disturbed the integrity of the jelly.
35:37Yes, you have.
35:4050 seconds, all right.
35:42Let's do this, baby.
35:4520 seconds.
35:47It doesn't look like it used to look.
35:49I think it's the heat in the room.
35:52Wow.
35:5310 seconds.
35:55Any more?
35:56No, thank you.
35:56I'm sweet enough.
36:00When I, by the way, sir.
36:02You can't be touching it.
36:06WHISTLE BLOWS
36:07Was the duck compromised at all?
36:09Not in the slightest.
36:10He's having a lovely time.
36:11He doesn't even know what's going on.
36:13All right.
36:14Thanks, Gail.
36:14Thanks.
36:24It started off a very scientific approach from Mae talking about displacement, whereas you popped the task card on top
36:31of it and went, that's the start.
36:34But soon, we were talking physics.
36:36Yeah.
36:37From that point onwards, it didn't look very scientific, Mae.
36:41What happened?
36:42Oh, jelly started breaking.
36:44Did you not consider putting a bowl on top of the jelly and just repeatedly saying the word there?
36:50Yeah.
36:51How did it work?
36:53Well, Kyle got 1,773 grams on the jelly.
36:58That's one chihuahua.
37:01Two people left to go.
37:02And it's Frankie and jelly.
37:10I've been gripped by an overwhelming sense of crisis.
37:13I don't see anything particularly heavy can go on there.
37:16I should start with maybe layering up.
37:19I've got a necklace.
37:21I've got my pants.
37:22I've got a shoe.
37:23I've got a watch.
37:24I've got a watch.
37:25I could argue the definition of heavy.
37:31I've been in the kitchen.
37:32I've found that.
37:33Now, if I just did that and then put things on there, would that be cheating?
37:38Will the things be on top of the jelly?
37:39Don't know that.
37:40It's because I was going to stand on top of that.
37:42Well, you know.
37:43Yeah.
37:44Well, I wouldn't mind watching that.
37:45What I don't want you to do is weigh me publicly.
37:48If you do weigh me, you have to do it in kilos because I don't understand kilos.
37:53Well, don't I have to hold this like that?
37:55Obviously, the jelly is plugged in.
37:57Right.
37:58There we go.
37:59I'm slightly worried about that taking my weight and it collapsing and the Tupperware splintering
38:05and then I go through the jelly.
38:07That'd be a cushion.
38:10Here we go.
38:10Well, you don't get much heavier than this.
38:13The third law of thermodynamics means that the universe will eventually enter a phase
38:18of heat death with all life and all energy extinguished.
38:30One, two, three.
38:32They're off.
38:35They're off.
38:36They're off.
38:37So, this is as far as I can go.
38:41Well, I was on it.
38:49You were on it when the whistle went, yeah.
38:50And the jelly's fine.
38:51Jelly's fine.
38:53Thanks for sitting on the jelly, Jenny.
38:54There's no problem.
38:55I've enjoyed it.
38:56There's clubs that cater this kind of thing, you know.
38:59Right you are.
39:00Right you are.
39:00Thank you.
39:04First things first, let's talk about Jenny's.
39:07Were you on the jelly?
39:08On top of it.
39:09Because I might argue that you were on a box.
39:13Well, if I'd sat on the jelly it would have split.
39:19There's not much physics staring you in the face.
39:24It all seems trivial next to the heat death of the universe.
39:28Don't worry, you're safe.
39:30Jenny, to be absolutely clear, I very much enjoyed watching you balancing on that box.
39:34And I'd probably pay to see it.
39:37It's not a lot of money, but I'd pay.
39:40But I don't think you were on the jelly.
39:42So, it's just a question of whether that quote is heavier than a chihuahua.
39:49The destruction of the universe is about as heavy as it gets, right?
39:52The first sentence was put the most stuff.
39:54But he's put the concept of the whole universe.
39:55How much stuff do you want?
39:58The third law of thermodynamics encompasses all the energy in the universe.
40:03That's more than your bowl and your fucking spoon.
40:12I've got to allow it, it's the heaviest thing.
40:14OK, and we're saying zero points to Ivo, May and Jenny?
40:17I didn't break the skin of the jelly.
40:19That is true.
40:20Let's give her a lovely charity one point.
40:22So, in summary, it's zero to Ivo, zero to May, one to Jenny, four to Kael and five to Frankie
40:29Boyle.
40:29Seems very fair.
40:34Seems very measured to me.
40:36Well done, Greg.
40:37Good.
40:38Let's have a look at the scores.
40:40Frankie has not won an episode.
40:42This is your chance.
40:43Kyle's in the lead with 15, but Frankie has 13 points in joint seconds.
40:48APPLAUSE
40:51Good, right.
40:52Here we go, then.
40:52Please touch the station.
40:53Final task of the show!
41:06Oh, look how happy Frankie the Clown is.
41:09Who's going to read the task?
41:11Well, it's a team task and Frankie Boyle's going to read it.
41:15Using only the scratching posts, remove as many balls from your soup as possible.
41:20Your teammates may throw balls from the throwing spots throughout.
41:25The throwing spots may not be moved.
41:28Fewest balls on a suit after two minutes wins.
41:30Also, if you're in a team of three,
41:32the two non-suit wearers must hold hands throughout the two minutes.
41:36So, what's going to happen is that May and Frankie are going to use these scratching sticks.
41:40The other three will be on the throwing circles.
41:42Frankie will be near the team of three's throwers,
41:45so they can throw balls onto his suit as he tries to scratch his balls off.
41:49That's a nice, very nice sentence.
41:52So, Frankie and May, please make your way this way down to the stage.
41:56Thank you.
41:57Thank you.
41:58Oh, there's lots of Velcro on their bottoms, I see.
42:05Anything you want to say?
42:06I think I really should have had a few less joke scandals
42:10and not ended up in this position.
42:12LAUGHTER
42:15So, they are starting with 25 balls on their suits.
42:19Two minutes.
42:20Good luck.
42:21WHISTLE BLOWS
42:22And they're off.
42:24CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
42:26Oh, fair.
42:28They don't come off too easy.
42:33Oh, you've got one, you've got one, you've got one.
42:39Oh, no!
42:41No, he can't do that!
42:43Well, he can do that, and he has done that.
42:46Oh, Frankie's suit has popped open.
42:48LAUGHTER
42:49Oh, no!
42:51Yeah!
42:51Big one on the bum!
42:55Ah!
42:57Well done.
42:58Frankie, won the bum!
43:00Oh, my God!
43:01I've got one!
43:02I've got one!
43:04I've got two!
43:05LAUGHTER
43:09CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
43:10I've got one!
43:12LAUGHTER
43:12It's got to end.
43:14Ten seconds left.
43:16Miss Rick!
43:17Oh, no!
43:18Five, four, three, two, one!
43:23CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
43:25Stop it!
43:26Stop it.
43:27Stop it.
43:28Come back down.
43:29We'll see if that's effective.
43:30The final score!
43:35What a thriller.
43:37Yes.
43:37Well, I think what happened was that the team of three
43:40decided to hold opposite hands,
43:42so they both had their throwing hands out,
43:44and that's what won it for them.
43:46They managed to land more balls on their opposition
43:47than poor old Ivo.
43:49I love that there wasn't even any drama to revealing who'd won.
43:52We all know they won.
43:53Oh, I forgot.
43:54Yeah, I should have mentioned that.
43:55By miles, yeah.
43:56LAUGHTER
43:58There were 29 balls on Frankie at the end,
44:0025 to start off with.
44:03LAUGHTER
44:0417 left on May.
44:06So they get five points.
44:07How many for the team of two?
44:08Three.
44:08Three.
44:09Fair enough.
44:09Three points and five points.
44:13CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
44:13Shall I tell you how that's affected the episode scores?
44:16God, will you?
44:16I will.
44:17Oh, it's my favourite, Greg.
44:18They've all got even numbers.
44:20Ivo's on 12.
44:21And at the top of the pile, it's Kael with 20 points.
44:23CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
44:26Kael Smith's final wins.
44:29Please pop up to collect your own vagabond bits.
44:32CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
44:34So, what have we learnt today?
44:36We've learnt that if you want to achieve something in life,
44:39use your intelligence, use lateral thinking,
44:42use gut instinct, if you will.
44:44Failing that, maybe give this a go.
44:46Please.
44:47Please!
44:49Please!
44:50Please!
44:52And please, let's marvell at tonight's winner once more.
44:55It is Kael Smith's final!
44:58CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
45:16HELL manicly!
45:25ál
45:26You
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