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00:04Steve, I can't talk now. I'm cooking breakfast.
00:08No, you're not invited. It's just for the family.
00:14Steve, stop begging.
00:19Look, I gotta go.
00:20This is the first time I've ever cooked a whole meal before,
00:22and if I don't pay close attention, my beautiful breakfast will go up and...
00:26Smoke! My food's on fire!
00:28Come here!
00:35And no fear, I'm mad at you!
01:07You're safe now, Missy.
01:11Thank you, Steve.
01:14Now, I'm gonna give you a compliment.
01:16But it's only a compliment, and it doesn't mean anything more than that.
01:22Oh, I understand.
01:25You did good.
01:27Uh-huh.
01:28You love me, don't ya?
01:44It's a rare condition this day and age
01:48To read any good news on the newspaper page
01:52And love and tradition of the grand design
01:55Some people say it's even harder to find
01:58Well, then there must be some magic clue inside these gentle walls
02:07Cause all I see is a tower of dreams
02:10Real love bursting out of every scene
02:14As days go by
02:18We're gonna fill our house with happiness
02:22The moon may dry
02:25But we'll smother the blues with tenderness
02:29As days go by
02:32There's room for you
02:34Room for me
02:36For gentle hearts and opportunity
02:40As days go by
02:44It's the bigger love of the family
03:02What's going on down here?
03:04And why do I smell cinnamon-flavored smoke?
03:07Well, you see, we had a little muffin mayhem-a
03:10A small gastronomic goofer
03:11Minor Betty Crocker boo-boo
03:15Laura, translate
03:19Well, I tried to cook breakfast
03:21And it came out a wee bit crispy
03:28Laura, this oven is on $5.50
03:31Well, the package said to cook it at $2.75 for 20 minutes
03:33So I figured if I doubled the temperature
03:35I could cook it at half the time
03:42Oh, that's rich
03:44That's one for the books
03:45Oh!
03:47How can a girl so smart
03:50Do something so...
03:51So...
03:54So long
04:02Mom, I almost restarted the Chicago fire
04:07Laura, you've never shown an interest in cooking before
04:09The closest you've ever come is picking up the phone and ordering a pizza
04:14Well, I just figured it's time I learned how to cook
04:16When I go away to college, I'll be away from home for four long years
04:20And I might get hungry
04:24Could happen
04:26You know, I think I'll take a home ec class
04:28Wow, I'll teach you how to cook
04:29No, thank you
04:33Why not?
04:35Well, Mom, you're not exactly the most patient teacher
04:39What do you mean?
04:42Well, do you remember when you tried to teach me how to sew?
04:45You made me so nervous I had to go to the hospital to get the thimble removed
04:51Well, on second thought
04:53Maybe home ec is the way to go
05:01And we are now entering the residence of one of Chicago's finest
05:05Police Sergeant Carl Winslow
05:07And look, here's the spot where Police Sergeant Winslow drops his bag after a hard day of fighting crime
05:16Why, look!
05:18There's Police Sergeant Winslow's mommy
05:20Hi, mommy!
05:22Why, look!
05:23Here's my lunatic son
05:25Hi, son!
05:27Mom, take a look at the camera I bought at the police auction today
05:30Now we can videotape all our special occasions
05:33Well, it's about time you popped for something like this
05:37How long did it take you to crowbar your wallet open?
05:41Very funny
05:42But look, I want you to spread the word
05:44No one, but no one is to touch this baby but me
05:48I'm the only one with the skill to handle it
05:50Then you won't be in any of the family videos
05:53Oh, sure I will!
05:54This baby has a remote, I'll be in all the videos
05:56Then you'll need a wide-angle lens
06:03Hi, everybody!
06:05Come on, say hi!
06:07Hi!
06:10Hi!
06:13Hi!
06:17Steve!
06:18Why do you have to take every class I take?
06:21Because every moment we're apart causes me excruciating pain
06:27That's funny, I get the same pain when we're together
06:32Hello, Laura
06:35Hello, Cassie Lynn
06:38My god, what a great outfit
06:40I just love that thrift store look
06:44Thank you!
06:46And I love that beauty mark
06:49Oh, I'm sorry, that's a big zit
06:54Hey, want me to pop that baby?
07:04Waldo, aren't you in the wrong class? This is home ec
07:06I know
07:07I'm ready to bake, shake, whip, dip, chip, chop, and fricassee
07:13Well, do you know I'm a cuck?
07:14Not a stitch
07:17It made it well, though
07:18You're just taking home ec because you think it's a Mickey Mouse course
07:21Okay, you're on to me
07:22I figure it's a sure-fire deed
07:25I heard that, Waldo
07:27This is not a Mickey Mouse course
07:29Now, I expect you to try your best
07:32Okay, but I gotta warn you, my best is pretty lousy
07:37Alright, class, this semester we're...
07:40Steven, you better get going, you're late for class
07:42Oh, no, I'm not
07:43I'm in this class
07:46That's not funny, Steven
07:48Oh, I'm not joking
07:50What's cooking, good-looking?
07:53Excuse us just a minute
08:00Steven, last semester I specifically asked you what class you would not be taking this semester
08:07And you told me home ec
08:10Well, yes, I did
08:13But here you are
08:15It's not fair
08:20Well, there, there, buck up
08:23It's only a few short months
08:25Months?
08:27Months, months
08:29Oh, get a grip, Irene
08:42Laura, are you missing anything?
08:45I don't think so
08:51Your watch
08:54How about that?
08:55Mm-hmm
08:56Takes a licking and keeps on ticking
09:00Laura, cooking is not a race to the finishing line
09:03Now I want you to slow down and organize
09:06Slow down and organize, I got it
09:08Good
09:15You could have at least taken it out of the wrapper, Cassie Lynn
09:19Are you saying I didn't bake this?
09:27Listen up, Nubbles
09:28If you want to pass this class, you're gonna have to roll up your sleeves and get your hands dirty
09:35like everyone else
09:38Ew!
09:48Voila!
09:51Waldo, what a turkey!
09:53Hey, you don't have to like my cooking, but please don't call me names
09:58Waldo, I was referring to the turkey that you cooked
10:01It looks marvelous, but Waldo, the assignment was to bake bread
10:06I did
10:09But I got done early, so I decided to make some stuff
10:12Then I needed something to stuff, so I got myself a gobbler
10:20Mmm
10:21Oh, it's marvelous, it's so moist and flavorful
10:25Waldo, this is superior work, I'm gonna give you an A
10:31Wow
10:35Could you write that A down on a piece of paper?
10:38I want to take it home and read it to my mom
10:42Rise though, rise! Come on, you can do it
10:46Steven, it's not a good sign when you have to give your food a pep talk
10:52No!
10:53Class can't be over, my bread's not done
10:56Oh, it is done, Steven, it's dead
11:00I don't understand
11:01I follow the recipe exactly
11:04Could it be bad yeast?
11:05I don't know, but listen, now you tried as hard as you could and I'm gonna be generous and give
11:09you a C
11:10A what? A what?
11:12I see, I see
11:15But, but I never, I never got less than than an A
11:20So?
11:22So I can't live with that
11:24Why, it'll ruin my transcript
11:26Now get a hold of yourself, Steven
11:28I can't, I can't
11:29Oh, the room is spinning, oh yes it is
11:34I'm getting dizzy, oh my god, I feel stupid
11:38I have been
12:02I'm getting dizzy, oh no then
12:03Eddie, what do you want?
12:05A kiss would be nice
12:07We're supposed to be studying history
12:10Now
12:12What did President Roosevelt say to Joseph Stalin
12:15At the Yalta Summit
12:16Kiss me baby
12:38Hi
12:38What are you doing?
12:40I'm going to send this to America's yuckiest home videos
12:45Get out of here
12:46No, no, Wanda, wait
12:47Listen, we can continue this someplace else
12:50Someplace more romantic
12:52More private
12:53Like where?
12:54Like the garage
12:56Great, you can go ahead and start without me
12:59Wanda, wait
13:02If you two are smart
13:04You'll run away from home before I get back
13:05Find a way
13:06Please, baby, baby, baby
13:07Don't go nowhere
13:10Let's see what we shot so far
13:15Uh-oh
13:16Hey, don't look at me
13:17I don't know you
13:25Steven
13:28Steven
13:29Steven
13:31Yes, Irene
13:34Today's assignment is poultry
13:35Where's your bird?
13:37Oh, my fryer's in the fridge
13:38But I'm not happy with my great embrace
13:40So I'm baking a makeup lot
13:42Oh, well, I admire your persistence
13:44Oh, I think you'll also admire my new secret ingredient
13:47What's that?
13:49I've invented new super active earth yeast
13:53Earth yeast?
13:54Rolls out the tongue, doesn't it?
13:55Yeah
13:56You see, I cook ordinary yeast
13:58It's called my seed, it's fun guy
13:59Insected with high concentrations
14:02Just bake it, Steven
14:03Just bake it
14:05Mmm
14:07Oh, Cassie Lynn
14:09What?
14:11Oh
14:12Your chicken smells delicious
14:14Who cares?
14:16My hands are rough
14:17My hair is limp
14:19And I've got a gizzard stain on my shirt
14:23But you're learning to cook
14:25Now, doesn't that make you feel wonderfully good about yourself?
14:28Oh, get a life
14:33Stick a fork in me, Miss Stubin
14:35I'm done
14:36Wow, what a beautiful presentation
14:39Mmm
14:42Perfection
14:42Now, you see what can happen
14:44When you slow down and take your time
14:45Yeah, you get food you can actually eat
14:58And what is our epicurean king cooking for us today?
15:02Goose en crew
15:04A la Waldo
15:05Oh, magnifique
15:08Oh, and Waldo, thanks again for catering my dinner party last weekend
15:12They like the poached salmon bourblon
15:14They loved it
15:17And the creme brulette
15:19They raved
15:20You know, Waldo
15:22If you apply yourself
15:23You have the talent to become a really great chef
15:26Wow
15:28I've never been good at anything before
15:30Well, I can't play the top 40 on my armpit
15:36But you know how fickle the music business is
15:40Miss Stubin
15:44It's a lie
15:45It's a lie
15:46What?
15:47What?
15:48Oh, it's my heart keys
15:49It appears the fungi has mutated
15:52And its mass is tripling every few seconds
15:54Oh, I like spray it's not intelligent
15:56Well, what should I do?
15:58Stand back
15:59Oh, God
16:00Oh, no
16:01Oh, no
16:02Oh, no
16:02Oh, no
16:03Oh, no
16:03Oh, no
16:03Oh, no
16:04Oh, no
16:05Oh, no
16:06Oh, no
16:08Oh, no
16:10Oh, no
16:14Woo
16:14Set it
16:15Set the Ce lump
16:24Oh
16:24Ah
16:24OK
16:25Oh, no
16:26What should I do?
16:26What's it?
16:26What should I do?
16:27What should I do?
16:27What can I do?
16:27Catch something in a container
16:28Catch the stuff
16:29Oh! Oh! Oh!
16:32Ah!
16:47Let's help them!
16:49Are you serious?
16:51I'm wearing silk.
16:52Well, I hope you're doing a good dry cleaning.
17:00Careful!
17:01Help me!
17:10Carl, you got a minute?
17:12Well, I am on my way to work.
17:14Oh, this won't take long.
17:15Richie has something he wants to tell you.
17:17Go ahead, sweetie.
17:18I'm a rotten slimeball.
17:23Come here, Richie.
17:24Come here.
17:24Go to Uncle Carl.
17:26Now, you just calm down and tell your Uncle Carl why you're a rotten slimeball.
17:33I broke your new TV camera.
17:37Oh, it was you.
17:40Well, how did it happen?
17:41I dropped it.
17:43Richie told me he hasn't slept since it happened.
17:46And I told him he'd feel a lot better if he just told you the truth.
17:50Well, you know something?
17:51Your mommy is right.
17:53You should always listen to your conscience.
17:56My conscience?
17:57Mm-hmm.
17:58That little voice that tells you that you're doing the right thing.
18:02Mommy, you're like a conscience, too.
18:05That's right, honey.
18:06Only you're a lot louder.
18:10That's right, honey.
18:12Now, don't you feel better having told Uncle Carl the truth?
18:15Sure do.
18:16Mm-hmm.
18:17And you know what?
18:18I feel better, too.
18:20Because I already knew that you broke my camera.
18:23I was just waiting to see if you would come and tell me.
18:26Really?
18:26Mm-hmm.
18:27How'd you know?
18:28Well, let's take a look at the tape.
18:33Now, you see?
18:35It is obvious that the cameraman was three feet tall.
18:39Oops.
18:43And we also have to talk to Eddie about his study habits.
19:07Miss Deuben?
19:08I told the janitor about our little problem here.
19:12Is he coming?
19:13Uh, no.
19:15He opted for early retirement.
19:19I see.
19:21Oh, I think he had the right idea, Steven.
19:24I think I'm gonna march myself right down to the principal's office and turn in my spatula.
19:36What are you saying, Miss Deuben?
19:38No, I'm quitting.
19:40I just have to face the fact that as a teacher, I deserve an F.
19:44Bite your tongue, Miss Deuben.
19:46Oh, I already did that when I slipped.
19:50You're a wonderful teacher.
19:52Oh, no!
19:53I'm a nervous teacher!
19:55Oh, God.
19:56Oh, I have a muscle in my forehead that will not stop jerking.
20:02Miss Deuben, listen.
20:04You taught Laura to slow down and stop taking shortcuts.
20:09And you taught Cassie Lynn Nubbles, the poster girl for useless people,
20:16what it's like to do things for herself.
20:19Oh, and my God, look what you've done to Waldo.
20:24Do you have any idea how you've changed him?
20:26Well, I guess he has changed a little.
20:29A little?
20:30Why, thank...
20:33Why, thanks to you, Waldo is swapping recipes with Wolfgang Puck.
20:39You helped him discover a hidden talent.
20:42And now, thanks to you, he has something that he didn't have before.
20:47Self-respect.
20:49Oh, and what about you, Steven?
20:53Have I taught you anything?
20:57Well, let me ask you something.
20:59What grade am I gonna get?
21:03Oh, look around, Steven.
21:09I don't think an A is in the cards.
21:13I didn't think so.
21:15And that's what you taught me, Miss Deuben.
21:17And it's okay to be less than perfect,
21:20as long as you tried your best.
21:22Well, actually, I guess that applies to me.
21:27Look, Miss Deuben, you teach us more than just things out of a textbook.
21:32Why, you teach us things about life.
21:35Oh, do you really think so?
21:37Look, I know the pay is lousy, the hours are long,
21:40and you hardly ever get the credit you deserve.
21:43But you're a teacher, Miss Deuben.
21:45And a darn good one.
21:50Oh, Steven.
21:52Oh, Steven.
21:52Oh, Steven.
21:53Thank you so much, Steven.
21:54Oh, thank you, Mr. Walidala.
21:56Oh, Steven.
21:59Oh, Steven.
22:07Oh, Steven.
22:12Oh, Steven.
22:16Oh, Steven.
22:20Oh, Steven.
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