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00:07it is a quarter to ten we'll be late for church as usual goodness at least he didn't tell us
00:18to
00:18take the bus if you're not ready in five minutes you're taking the bus
00:23kids are you ready i'm ready richie why don't you spill grape juice all over yourself
00:34because red orange juice
00:44and stay on my bell
00:51wow you look stunning why if i were a couple years older we well
01:00oh stop i got pantyhose older than you
01:04hey where is everyone getting ready for church
01:16oh what's the matter sugar
01:19well i guess i'm just jealous that's all
01:22how come
01:23well it's just that every sunday i watch you winslows putt putt off the church in your gremlin
01:30and well i wish i could tag along
01:34doesn't your family go to church
01:36oh no why my parents sunday routine hasn't varied since they were juniors at mit
01:41you see we all get up at dawn and do the new york times crossword puzzle
01:45in ink
01:47then we hop on over to the behavioral sciences lab
01:50for an hour-long soak in the sensory deprivation tanks
01:54well now steve you are more than welcome to come to church with us
01:59and you can sit right next to me
02:01in a pew
02:02with you
02:04well do
02:09maybe i didn't make myself clear
02:12we are late for church
02:14let's go
02:15now
02:22good news everybody
02:25steve is coming with us
02:28come on julie change the dress
02:30i'll get that
02:41it's a rare condition
02:43this day and age
02:45to read any good news
02:47on the newspaper page
02:48and love and tradition
02:50of the grand design
02:51some people say
02:53it's even harder to find
02:55well then there must be some magic clue
02:59inside these gentle walls
03:02cause all i see
03:05is a tower of dreams
03:07real love bursting at every scene
03:10as days go by
03:15we're gonna fill our house with happiness
03:19the moon may cry
03:21but we'll smother the blues with tenderness
03:26as days go by
03:28there's room for you
03:31room for me
03:32for gentle hearts and opportunity
03:40it's the bigger love of the family
03:45well then i'll hear it
03:51for
03:53that
03:53i can never
03:54drive
03:55no never
03:55i can, no never
04:06thank you enough
04:07You've been so good to me
04:10You've been so good to me
04:11You've been so good to me
04:12He said good
04:15He said good to me
04:16God, he said good to me
04:18He said good
04:18What we have heard this morning
04:20He said good to me
04:21He started me all my way
04:23He said good
04:23Let me see you wave your hand
04:25He said good to me
04:26I've sworn you've been good
04:29You've been so good to me
04:37Yeah! Bravissimo! Encore! Nice pites!
04:43Steve, we usually shout out amen or hallelujah.
04:49Oh, thanks for telling me I was just about to start the wave.
04:55My, my, my. The walls of this old church are vibrating with good music today.
05:01Amen!
05:03Amen!
05:06Our choir sounds so fine that even the angels in our stained glass windows are moving to the beat.
05:13Hallelujah!
05:15Hallelujah!
05:17Now, as you all know...
05:19Oh, tell it to us now!
05:23Oh, carry on.
05:27As you all know, Sister Frample, our former choir director, has decided to pursue her musical career full-time.
05:37Yeah!
05:39Amen!
05:40Singing back up to ZZ Top.
05:44Our new choir director will be...
05:50Sister Rachel Croft.
05:51Yes!
05:52Yes!
05:53Yes!
05:57I'll think about it and get back to you.
05:59Uh, look, look, look.
06:00Gospel Sunday is only two weeks away.
06:02I accept, and I promise that this year's Gospel Sunday will be the most...
06:07fun day.
06:08Excellent.
06:08I will lead this choir to new heights of perfection.
06:11Wonderful.
06:12I publicly plan to in front of this entire congregation
06:15that I will leave no stone unturned.
06:17Sister Crawford, we get the picture.
06:22Now, as I look out upon the congregation,
06:26it makes me feel happy to see a few new faces.
06:29Yes.
06:30So if anyone feels the need to speak what's in their heart,
06:35stand up and testify.
06:41Mm-hmm.
06:42Oh, oh, oh!
06:45Young man, I take it you have something to say.
06:48Yes, your pastorship.
06:52Pastor people, regular people.
06:55My name is Stephen Q. Urkel.
06:59Now, before today, I felt like there was something missing in my life.
07:04Well...
07:04Now, I know it seems like I've got everything going for me.
07:09Mm-hmm.
07:10Intelligence.
07:11Mm-hmm.
07:12Killer good looks.
07:14And a wonderful woman who's wild about me.
07:17Touching.
07:18Sorry.
07:19Sorry.
07:21But today, I've learned that those things were merely foolish props.
07:26Amen.
07:29Dane attempts to cover the emptiness in my soul.
07:32Oh, yes.
07:33Not unlike the way the good pastor here tries to cover the baldness of his head with that mail-order
07:38rug.
07:41It's about time somebody pointed that out.
07:44I was looking for love, caring, and joy.
07:49Well, this place is chock full of those things.
07:53Amen.
07:55So, I'm happy to say that a few minutes ago, I opened my heart and invited the Lord in.
08:03Well, amen!
08:07Amen!
08:38Becky, what do you say, uh, after choir rehearsal?
08:42You, me, movie?
08:46You, me, never.
08:52Eddie, you couldn't pick up a girl if she had handles.
08:57Hi, everybody.
08:59Oh, hi, Carl.
09:01What's in the box?
09:02Oh, um, just a hat.
09:06Is that a present for Rachel?
09:08Maybe, maybe not.
09:10Are you trying to get the big solo?
09:13Maybe, maybe not.
09:16Carl Winslow, you're sucking up.
09:19Yeah, so?
09:20When it's sneaky, underhanded, and dishonest.
09:23Hi, Harriet.
09:24Hey, thanks for the new necklace. It must have cost you a fortune.
09:31All right, everyone. Coffee break is over. Can we take our places, please?
09:38Rachel, Rachel, uno momento, si buple.
09:42Steve, what are you doing here?
09:44Well, I'd like to join the choir if it's okay with you, Rachel.
09:48Well, I suppose. Why don't you squeeze in there with the tent?
09:50Oh, good.
09:52There you go.
09:53Hey.
09:55Hey, hang away, hang away.
09:56Elbow round, elbow round.
09:58New guy, new guy.
10:00Okay, everyone. We'll start with, oh, happy day.
10:05Oh, happy day.
10:08Oh, happy day.
10:12When Jesus walks.
10:14Hold it, hold it.
10:16Sounds like a hyena hootenanny.
10:19Uh, Steve, perhaps I was a little hasty.
10:22Why don't you step forward and sing for me, please?
10:23Oh, certainly.
10:24Charles?
10:26Oh, happy day.
10:29Oh, happy day.
10:32Steve.
10:33Oh, happy day.
10:35Steve.
10:39It's not a happy day, Steve.
10:42Honey, you're way off key.
10:44Let's see if a pitch pipe will help you, okay?
10:46Why don't you try this?
10:47Let's see. Okay, here we go.
10:52Steve, you're not listening, honey.
10:54Listen to it.
10:58Steve, listen to it.
11:09Steve, we have a major problem here.
11:11Maybe you could come back when your voice has changed.
11:14It already did.
11:19Well, Steve, I'm sorry, but Gospel Sunday is very important, and I just can't let you be in the choir.
11:25Oh, Rachel, Rachel, Rachel, Rachel.
11:29He just joined.
11:31Give him a chance.
11:33Excuse me, but will everyone who is directing this choir please raise their baton?
11:43Well, that's settled.
11:45Now, Steve, your hymnal, please.
11:50Okay.
12:15Oh, tell him on the ground.
12:22Alleluia.
12:23Over the hill and we'll bring it home.
12:31Oh, tell him on the ground.
12:46Alleluia.
12:48People, people, people.
12:50Now, look, I know we've been rehearsing this song for six hours,
12:55but it's losing its freshness.
12:58Yeah, people, let's perk it up.
13:03Marge.
13:04Yes?
13:05Sister, sing from your diaphragm, not your sinuses.
13:10And, Brother Spencer, slap some polygrip on those choppers.
13:15Sound like a pair of castanets.
13:17Rachel, zip it, Harriet.
13:19You've got work to do here.
13:22Okay, now, once more.
13:24And this time, see if you can follow my baton.
13:33Go tell it on the mountain, over the hills and everywhere.
13:38Go tell it on the mountain, can't be the swathes for.
13:45Go tell it on the mountain.
13:47Hold it.
13:49Carl.
13:5286, the hallelujahs.
13:55What about my solo?
13:5686, that too.
14:01Rachel, you can't do that.
14:03I bought you a hat.
14:05I can do whatever I want, Mr. Winslow, because I am the choir director.
14:10Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
14:12Problem.
14:13Rachel, if Carl's not singing the solo, then who is?
14:20Well, I am.
14:21Well, I am.
14:22Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
14:23Now, look.
14:25Marge and I have the best voices, so I flip the coin and I won.
14:31Hey.
14:31Hey, now, look.
14:33I am in charge here.
14:35That is why I have the baton.
14:38Yeah, but it's just not there.
14:43Now you have two.
14:49Where are you going with my hat?
14:51Come back here.
14:54Right now.
14:57All right, that's it.
14:59You'll never sing in this town again.
15:28You won again.
15:32Steve, how did you get so good at checkers?
15:35Practice.
15:36Fortunately, when I was young, I had no friends.
15:41Steve, did you tell your parents that you went to church?
15:44Oh, yeah.
15:45How'd they take it?
15:47Oh, not too good.
15:49My father said,
15:50Stephen, stop this church nonsense and rejoin your mother and me in the sensory deprivation tanks.
15:57And I said,
15:58I said tanks,
15:59no tanks.
16:03Well, it's probably because they miss you.
16:06No.
16:07Philosophical disagreement.
16:09You see,
16:10my father demanded to know how with my scientific training,
16:13I could believe in God.
16:14After all, I can't touch, see, or feelin'.
16:17But I pointed out that I can't touch, see, or feelin' Adam either.
16:22But I believe it exists.
16:24You're right.
16:25That's what we call faith.
16:30Hi.
16:31Oh, hi, sugar.
16:33Where is everybody?
16:34They went out to dinner.
16:36Why didn't you go?
16:38Well, Harriet called and I drew straws to find out who would stay to have a little heart-to-heart
16:43talk with you.
16:45And you won.
16:46Won, lost, what's the difference?
16:50Rachel, sit over here, sweetheart.
16:58Rachel, you know how you've been acting as choir director?
17:04Yes.
17:05Well, knock it off.
17:09Excuse me?
17:11Rachel, the good Lord doesn't care if his praises are sung off-key.
17:18As long as it's sung straight from the heart.
17:25You're right.
17:27And, Steve, I shouldn't have kicked you out of the choir.
17:30Ah, look on the bright side.
17:33You just saved me the trouble of quitting later on with all the others.
17:39I guess I had that coming.
17:41Oh, I really messed up.
17:44Gospel Sunday is in two days and the choir won't even talk to me.
17:48Well, apologize to them.
17:50Maybe they'll forgive you.
17:52Not after the way I acted.
17:55Rachel, just before you came in, Steve and I were discussing faith.
18:02It seems to me you should apologize to the choir and have faith they will forgive you.
18:13Well, what if they don't forgive me?
18:15Then you'll have to leave jail.
18:24And as God tells us in Psalm 95, verse 1,
18:31let us sing unto the Lord.
18:37Let us make a joyful noise to the rock of our salvation.
18:45But we're not going to do that today.
18:49Gospel Sunday has been canceled.
18:53Plans got changed.
18:56Things got switched.
18:59People had obligations.
19:02Pastor People.
19:03Yes, Rachel.
19:06If I may, I think the congregation deserves to hear the truth.
19:09Please.
19:16Folks, the reason Gospel Sunday was canceled is because the choir quit.
19:25And the reason the choir quit was because the moment I became choir director,
19:32I started acting like a jerk.
19:33I got a swelled head and I started picking on people and just bossing everyone around.
19:44I am truly sorry.
19:47And I just hope you can find it in your hearts to forgive me.
19:54Rachel?
19:56Yes?
19:58Put your hand in the hand of the man who stilled the water.
20:06Put your hand in the hand of the man that come to see.
20:15Take a look at yourself and you may look at others differently.
20:22By putting your hand in the hand of the man who stilled the water.
20:39Put your hand in the hand of the man that come to see.
20:46Take a look at yourself and you might look at others differently.
20:54By putting your hand in the hand of the man who stilled the water.
21:02Oh yeah.
21:03Put your hand in the hand of the man who stilled the water.
21:10Hey, you may.
21:11The water.
21:12Put your hand in the hand of the man who stilled the sea.
21:19Take a look at yourself and you may look at others differently.
21:25Take a look at yourself, but we'll hear us differently.
21:27By putting your hand in the hand of the man that come to see.
21:35Take a look at yourself and you may look at others differently.
21:42Let it be the water.
21:46Now, I am truly sorry to claim that you only could be verdade na-da-da-da-da-da-da
21:50-da-da,
21:50If I can take a look at yourself and you're all around.
21:54And others differently is to support other than others differently.
21:54Then you may look at yourself and you may get in the retrouver kawadden interests differently.
22:12Oh, I can never, I can never, I can never, I can never, I can never, I can never thank
22:22you enough
22:23You been so good to me
22:25You been so good to me
22:27You been so good to me
22:28You been good
22:31You been good to me
22:32God has been good to me
22:34You been good
22:34Woke me ever early this morning
22:37You started me on my way
22:39You been good
22:40Let me see you waving your hand
22:42You been good to me
22:43I swear you been good
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