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00:02In tonight's top gear, evidence that the French have gone mad.
00:08Evidence that the Germans have gone mad.
00:12And as an oasis of sanity, the grannies are back.
00:20But first, look at our set.
00:23We've got cushions, we've got flowers, we've got chocolates.
00:25I've got some breath freshener.
00:27And that's because the star we have tonight in our reasonably priced car
00:32may look like a boy, but he is in fact called Tara.
00:37And that, I suppose, makes him a girl.
00:40But this is still a car programme.
00:42So the cars. The Honda NSX.
00:44Not a spectacular success story.
00:46It may well have been developed by Ayrton Senna,
00:48but last year they sold eight.
00:51So they've given it a facelift, well, a new set of headlamps anyway,
00:54and produced this Type R version, which is lighter and stiffer.
00:57And they're currently trying to decide whether or not they should sell it in Britain.
01:01So they rang us up and they said,
01:03You're Stig.
01:04If we ship one of these over from Japan,
01:08could he take it out on your track and do a rap in it?
01:11Said no.
01:13Prefers easy listening.
01:14Oh, a lap.
01:16Oh, what a lap.
01:17Yes.
01:18Happy to oblige.
01:20I doubt very much it'll break the record.
01:23Set by the Westfield.
01:24One minute, 23 seconds.
01:26It may be light, but it's not that light.
01:29And the engine may have clever valves,
01:31but it's still only a 3.2 litre V6.
01:34And, of course, look at that weather.
01:36That's a treasure.
01:45That's very sideways.
01:47Well, he's nearly off the track there.
01:49The only way this car really stands a chance
01:51is if it's chassis is some kind of wonder thing.
01:55Oh, and look at that.
01:57It's a nice piece of driving, though, Stig.
02:02The old NSX was very good most of the time,
02:05but at the limit,
02:06it was as forgiving as that guard
02:07who put Alec Guinness in a box.
02:10What's this one like?
02:18123 to be.
02:20Sideways.
02:21And it's 1.33.
02:23That is fantastic.
02:251.33.
02:26That makes it two seconds faster
02:28than a Ferrari 575
02:30and three seconds faster
02:31than the Aston Martin Vanquish.
02:32That's fabulous.
02:33And, bear in mind,
02:34you know, the dry track and everything.
02:36Take four seconds off for a dry track.
02:37That's a quick drive.
02:38I mean, that was a very wet track
02:39and the Stig really was trying.
02:44Oh, my word.
02:45Oh, he's so cool.
02:48God, he was a bit close to those tyres.
02:49That's nearly as bad
02:50as the Aston Martin Vanquish crash, you know.
02:52One of these days, he's going to kill himself.
02:54We're going to need a new Stig.
02:55Replacement Stig.
02:56Nevertheless, crash aside
02:58it is a very, very fast car.
02:59There's the time to prove it.
03:00So, on the strength of that,
03:02I think they should bring it into this country.
03:03Sell it in Britain.
03:04Yeah.
03:05Actually, that's not what we're talking about tonight.
03:07We don't care how fast cars go tonight.
03:08We don't care what they look like.
03:09What we care is whether they're cool or not.
03:12That's where to explain it.
03:13Think of it like this.
03:14It's a bit like what not to wear.
03:16And you are Trini
03:17and I am Susanna.
03:19Takes some imagining that.
03:21Why are you laughing?
03:22I am exactly like Susanna Constantine.
03:24People are always mistaking me for her in the streets.
03:28Embarrassing.
03:28The thing is, I don't think Trini and Susanna would much care for the NSX.
03:31It's very, very clever.
03:33But it's like one of those expensive amplifiers you buy for your hi-fi.
03:36Clever, but a bit nerdy.
03:38Now this, this is much more a Trini and Susanna car.
03:42It's the new Renault Velsatis.
03:44A completely weird looking thing.
03:47No getting away from that.
03:48Especially round at the back.
03:50But beneath the, I have to say, quite cool exterior.
03:55It's a five-seater rival for the BMW 5 Series.
03:59Prices start around £20,000 for the two-litre version.
04:03It's a car for businessmen.
04:05So I thought it would be a good idea to take it to the epicentre of the executive hotel
04:11and the crease-free business lifestyle trouser.
04:15Swindon.
04:21Whatever the businessman wants from his car while he's driving down the motorway,
04:26he's going to find it in the Velsatis.
04:28It's very quiet, very comfortable, very solid.
04:31With all this wood everywhere, it's like driving along in Arthamigas.
04:40There's power, too.
04:41In the outside lane, it'll dance with the best of them.
04:44This version with the 3.5-litre V6 will do 147 miles an hour.
04:52And here we are.
04:54Turnoff 15, the gateway to Swindon.
05:00And, oh dear, on normal roads, the soft ride means everything starts to fall apart.
05:08A few miles of this and I'd be fast asleep.
05:16Except I wouldn't be, because every time it runs over a pothole or a cat's eye or a roof in
05:22the road of some kind,
05:23there's an almighty crash and a shudder and you wake up.
05:28It's very annoying.
05:34It's capable of going fast in the same way that Queen Victoria was capable of running.
05:40It just doesn't seem to like it very much.
05:43So, if you're late for a business meeting, you're better off using a pogo stick or going on your hands
05:50and knees.
05:51The Velsatis is like an avocado.
05:54Funny skin and mostly soft, but with a surprising rock-hard stone in the middle.
06:02As a car, then, it isn't very good.
06:04But will the styling compensate for that here at a safari park for the men in suits?
06:10A Swindon business park.
06:17I haven't had a chance to explore yet, but I know exactly what's going to be here,
06:22because it'll be the same as every other business park.
06:25There'll be a lot of smoked glass.
06:27All the trees will be four feet high, because they're the same age as the buildings.
06:31The plants, well, they exist only in business parks.
06:34You won't find them in any textbook.
06:37There'll be a puddle masquerading as a lake.
06:39There'll be a sort of central structure in the middle, a focal point to give a sense of community.
06:46And what else?
06:47Speed bumps.
06:49Hundreds.
06:50Hundreds and hundreds of speed bumps.
06:52They'll be everywhere.
06:56This car is completely stumped by speed bumps.
07:00It has a truly hopeless ride.
07:02But that is not its biggest problem.
07:05All this is.
07:06This is what the businessman wants.
07:10Conformity.
07:11A water fountain.
07:12A normal secretary called Janet.
07:14And a normal desk.
07:16He likes to blend.
07:17How many businessmen have you ever seen in a lime green suit?
07:24That means he wants a normal car with a boot and a bonnet and a roof in between.
07:29Not something that appears to have come from the mind of Gerry Anderson.
07:42It's all very well matching the indentation in the fuel filler cap to the indentations in the bumper.
07:50And having a credit card instead of a key.
07:53And I'm sure people in trendy bono glasses will appreciate the zigzaggy rear end and the unusual nose.
08:01Renault, however, should know that British businessmen don't like wacky and radical.
08:06This is Renault's old store centre in Swindon.
08:09Amazing, isn't it?
08:10Amazing and empty.
08:12Today, no one wants it.
08:18You know what?
08:19Go on.
08:20I'm not a businessman and I love the looks of this car.
08:24So would you buy one?
08:26No, because it's a rubbish car.
08:28But, actually, I know the best way to describe it.
08:31You know Indian food, okay?
08:32Not the stuff you get in Indian restaurants in England.
08:35I'm talking about Indian food, okay?
08:37It's not very good quality meat.
08:38So that's why it has that very powerful sauce on it.
08:41And that's what this is.
08:43Poor quality meat, very powerful sauce on the top.
08:46It's a sort of Renault Galfresi.
08:50And the thing is, this isn't just a one-off Ron Davis moment of madness, either.
08:55It's across the range because this is the new Megane.
08:58And from the front, yeah, it looks pretty conventional.
09:00It's pretty conventional under the bonnet.
09:02You can have a 1.4, 1.6 or 2-litre petrol engine or a 1.9-litre diesel.
09:07Prices are conventional, too, starting from £10,500 up to £15,500.
09:11I have driven it.
09:12I'd love to be able to say it was entirely conventional to drive,
09:15but, frankly, it struggles to get there.
09:16It is a bit poor.
09:18But it has just been voted International Car of the Year.
09:21And I can only imagine that it did that
09:22because the judges forgot to look at the back.
09:25They've gone completely berserk.
09:27This is a Renault double file.
09:30If you want berserk, then you want to look at this, though.
09:33This is the Renault Avantine.
09:35Now, this is meant to be a coupe.
09:37Look, there's no pillars.
09:37Yes, but they've built it on the platform of an MPV.
09:41I think it's absolutely fantastic.
09:45You're joking!
09:46I adore this car.
09:47I actually was talking to the Renault design boss the other day.
09:50I said, you know, I'm actually thinking of buying one.
09:52And he was like,
09:54buying one?
09:55Um, right.
09:56He said, well, if you are,
09:58do get in touch and we'll see if we can build one properly for you.
10:02No, we're seriously, he did.
10:03Well, some of my sources said that actually on the early cars,
10:06the pre-production models,
10:07they had a problem with the strength in here
10:09because obviously there's no B pillar.
10:10And the cars were actually kind of flexing in the middle.
10:13I just don't care.
10:14You know, for £24,000,
10:16if you want a four-seater car,
10:18bit of style,
10:18you just can't beat this.
10:20The only thing I would say,
10:21don't go for the red or the blue, okay?
10:23It's too boring.
10:24Go for the metallic kind of mushy pea green
10:27with the silver roof.
10:30You're weird.
10:32A few weeks ago,
10:33we set out to prove
10:34that older people can drive well.
10:36So we got together a group of grannies.
10:38And here are a few of them now.
10:40And we got them to do this.
10:42Harder.
10:43Harder.
10:43That's good.
10:43Keep me there.
10:44Keep me there.
10:44Keep me there.
10:50And they were all so good.
10:52We thought we'd try something a little bit trickier.
10:57We're back today with Ross Swift
10:58and the grannies.
10:59And today we're going to teach them
11:01to do handbrake parking.
11:02If you don't know what handbrake parking is,
11:04watch this.
11:09What do you reckon, girls?
11:10You going to do it?
11:11Yes.
11:11Why not do it?
11:12That's a go.
11:13That's simple.
11:13She's not.
11:14They clearly haven't got a clue
11:16what they're about to try.
11:20Rush, you're the king of parallel parking.
11:23So you make it look very easy.
11:24But actually, there's quite a lot to it.
11:25So what are we going to be teaching the grannies?
11:27I'm going to get the girls to come from this direction,
11:29then turn in between this gap here,
11:31pull on the handbrake,
11:32and then slide the car sideways
11:33in between the two cars.
11:35So they're actually going to turn the whole car around?
11:37It's going to spin the car to 180 degrees.
11:38And it's all on the handbrake?
11:39On the handbrake, yeah.
11:40So what's the hardest part of this?
11:42There's lots of aspects to it.
11:43You've got to get the speed right.
11:44If you go too fast,
11:45you'll end up sliding backwards
11:46into the vehicle behind.
11:47If you don't get enough speed up,
11:49you won't get enough rotation
11:49to get through 180 degrees.
11:51And then it's just a matter of
11:52putting your handbrake on at the right time
11:54to end up in the space.
11:55He's going quite fast.
11:56He's just going to go off.
12:00Oh!
12:01Oh!
12:02Oh!
12:03Oh!
12:04Oh, no!
12:05Oh, no!
12:07Oh!
12:07I can't wait to find out
12:09how you all got on,
12:10but we're going to come back later
12:11and find out, all right?
12:12I've got to do the news.
12:13All right, see you later.
12:14Bye.
12:15Indeed.
12:16Let's do some news.
12:17And first up this week,
12:19Nissan, apparently,
12:20are coming back to motorsport.
12:22Back.
12:22Back to...
12:23I didn't know they'd ever been...
12:24Have Nissan ever been in motorsport?
12:26Yeah.
12:27What do you mean?
12:28Le Monde.
12:29Where's that?
12:32Le Monde.
12:33Le Monde.
12:43Did they win?
12:45You don't know.
12:46Anyway, they're coming back,
12:47not to Le Monde.
12:49They are, in fact,
12:50taking part in the Dakar rally
12:52using a pickup truck.
12:54Got a picture of it here.
12:55But we're not particularly
12:56interested in the car.
12:57What we are interested in
12:58are the people
12:59who will be driving it.
13:01They're all completely
13:02gay-looking.
13:08Look at their arms
13:10and his pose
13:10and everything.
13:11With their outfits.
13:12Do they know
13:13what the Dakar rally is like?
13:14It's very rough out there
13:16and sandy and gritty
13:17and it ruins your skin.
13:18It's awful.
13:18They'll have spare tires
13:19and that hand cream
13:20and facial scrub,
13:21aren't they?
13:22He's not going to be
13:22looking like that
13:23when he gets back.
13:24That's for sure.
13:25Anyway,
13:26we wish you all
13:26the very best, duckies.
13:28Right.
13:28Talking about cars for girls,
13:30MX-5.
13:31Now I quite like these
13:32actually.
13:32They've been around
13:32for a lot of time
13:33but they've just brought
13:34out a limited edition.
13:36It's $16,995.
13:38How much is the normal one?
13:39$1,800?
13:39$15,500.
13:40So it's about
13:41£1,500 more.
13:42So it's basically
13:42£1,500, yeah?
13:43Yeah.
13:43And what do you get
13:44for your £1,500?
13:45A few bits and pieces.
13:46What have you got?
13:47You've got special
13:47leather seats.
13:48Nice.
13:49Well, they're worth
13:49about £60.
13:51Okay.
13:52A Nardi
13:53two-tone steering wheel.
13:54£65.
13:55Leather brake,
13:56handbrake lever.
13:58£67,50.
13:59Two-tone gear knob.
14:00£68.
14:01And a Trilogy badge
14:03scuff plate.
14:04£68,20.
14:05Oh, and some
14:06chrome air vents.
14:07Oh, right.
14:08Let's make it
14:08a nice round £70.
14:10And you get
14:11a solid silver keyring
14:13with three little
14:14chips of diamond,
14:14quarter carat of diamond.
14:16How much are they worth?
14:17Well, probably
14:17that's £70 scrap,
14:19aren't they?
14:19So that's, what,
14:19a couple of hundred
14:20quid for the key fob?
14:21A couple of hundred
14:21quid.
14:21So £270
14:22and they're charging
14:23an extra?
14:24£1,500.
14:25Probably best
14:25avoid that one then.
14:28Not good value.
14:30Have you seen
14:30the film Fast and Furious?
14:31Yes, it is the worst film
14:33ever made
14:34by a human being.
14:35What do you mean,
14:36no?
14:37He turns out
14:38in a hat,
14:39you like Fast and Furious
14:40in that hat.
14:42Okay,
14:43my case rests.
14:44Fast and Furious
14:45was made for people
14:46in hats like that.
14:47Yeah.
14:48It really was.
14:50It was shocking.
14:50I tell you what it was,
14:50it was basically
14:51a group of people
14:52in hats like that
14:53driving around
14:54in ludicrous,
14:55improbable,
14:56very fast
14:57American cars.
14:58Well,
14:59they're making another.
15:01Hoorah!
15:01But they've got it
15:02sussed,
15:02they've got it sorted.
15:03They obviously
15:03looked around and thought,
15:04hmm, well,
15:04the cars we used
15:05in the last one
15:05must not have been
15:06very good
15:06because the film
15:07was rubbish.
15:07We'll sort this out,
15:08make it better.
15:09They looked around,
15:10well,
15:10Bond's got an Aston Martin,
15:11hasn't he?
15:12There's Jags in that film.
15:13They must have
15:14worked their way
15:14down a fairly lengthy
15:16list of manufacturers
15:17because they've ended up
15:18with this Hyundai Elantra.
15:21Oh, my God.
15:22Look at that.
15:24See how the wheels
15:25don't fit.
15:26No,
15:27that's the car they're using.
15:28That's going to rescue
15:29Fast and Furious.
15:30That's going to save it.
15:31And you called it a,
15:32what do you,
15:33Hyundai.
15:34Bless you.
15:34You know,
15:35I was in America
15:36a couple of years ago
15:37filming at this place
15:38in Texas,
15:39which is the biggest
15:40car dealership
15:40in the world.
15:41The frontage is a mile long.
15:43And I said to the guy
15:44who owned it,
15:45what do you sell here?
15:46And he went,
15:46we sell a lot.
15:47And he mispronounced
15:48every single other.
15:50Hyundai,
15:51Mitsubishi,
15:53Toyota,
15:53Nissan,
15:55Jaguar,
15:57BMW.
15:59Every single one
16:00of them was wrong.
16:01And you call it a Hyundai.
16:02I prefer Hyundai.
16:04Anyway,
16:05there you go.
16:05Fast and Furious 2
16:06starring a Hyundai.
16:08I'd watch it.
16:09Great.
16:10Renault Velsatis.
16:12Oh, yes.
16:12We saw it earlier on
16:13and we decided
16:15it's a stylish car,
16:16didn't we?
16:16Okay.
16:17Well,
16:17it's now been voted
16:18tow car of the year.
16:20Eh?
16:21Oh,
16:22it gets better,
16:23this.
16:25But this is,
16:26this is the best thing,
16:27right?
16:27You say,
16:28no,
16:28I'm going to buy a Renault
16:29because I like the style.
16:30It's the only reason
16:30for buying that car
16:31is because it's stylish.
16:32And you go and whack
16:33a double axle buccaneer
16:35on the back of it.
16:36Why?
16:37Your street cred is gone.
16:38But the best thing
16:39I love about this
16:39is why it's the best tow car.
16:41And they compared it to
16:42a Range Rover V8,
16:45a Mercedes-Benz ML500,
16:48and, well,
16:49the Nissan Terrano 3,
16:50that's another four-wheel drive thing.
16:51And they say that's better.
16:52So I had a look
16:53to see why the tow car
16:54of the year jury's done it.
16:56And they say it's because,
16:57and I'm quoting,
16:58it's got automatic headlamps,
16:59wipers,
17:00and an F1-style
17:01integrated fuel filler cap.
17:04Right,
17:04big news from BMW
17:06because they've launched
17:06a new two-seater roadster
17:08to replace the Z3.
17:09They got in touch
17:10and said,
17:11would you like to drive it?
17:12And I said,
17:12well, no,
17:13not if it's anything
17:13like the Z3
17:14because, well,
17:15that was a bit girly, really.
17:16Look.
17:17Well, they said,
17:18what if we took you to Portugal,
17:20put you up in a posh hotel
17:21and filled you
17:21full of expensive food?
17:23Then would you drive it?
17:24Yeah, go on then.
17:40The problem with the Z3
17:42was that, well,
17:43it looked as though
17:44it had everything you needed
17:45to make up a sports car,
17:46that long bonnet
17:47and two seats
17:48right over the rear wheels.
17:50It's just that
17:50when you got in it,
17:51it didn't quite deliver.
17:53For a start,
17:53you were perched on top,
17:55sitting too high in it
17:56rather than slung low down in it.
17:58And then when you got rough with it,
17:59which you've got to.
18:00It's a sports car.
18:01It came over all wobbly.
18:04So BMW really are chasing
18:06the macho vote with the Z4.
18:09It's bigger, bolder
18:10and much more substantial.
18:12An angry-looking collection
18:14of angles, curves
18:16and intersecting lines.
18:20From some views,
18:22it kind of resembles a rhino.
18:24Or is that just me?
18:32Now, note something.
18:33It is the Z4,
18:35not the new Z3.
18:37Well, they don't replace
18:38the BMW 3 Series
18:40with the BMW 4 Series,
18:42do they?
18:42Clearly, BMW wanted to start
18:44all over again
18:45with a completely new car.
18:46So, clearly,
18:47there was something wrong
18:48with the old one.
18:51One thing it did do
18:52very, very well
18:53was sell.
18:54But then, if we're honest,
18:56you could stick a BMW badge
18:57on a dead cat
18:58and people would still buy it.
19:01People are already
19:02buying the Z4 now
19:03without ever seeing it.
19:0530 grand.
19:06And they've never even
19:07tried it on.
19:10You did get that,
19:11didn't you?
19:1230 grand.
19:13At least 30 grand.
19:15That's a big price hike.
19:32There are two engines available.
19:34Both straight sixes,
19:35a 2.5 litre
19:36or a 3 litre.
19:40You can have a 5-speed
19:41or a 6-speed manual
19:42and this 6-speed manual box,
19:43it's a proper mechanical process
19:46changing gear.
19:48And it sounds great.
19:51There's something about
20:01the yowl of a straight six
20:04stirs the blood.
20:14The new image
20:15and, more importantly,
20:17price tag
20:17pitched the Z4
20:18into an entirely
20:19different market.
20:20Suddenly,
20:21it's not enough
20:22just to be a bit of
20:23fluffy fun.
20:24It's going to be on a list
20:25that includes
20:25the Audi TT Roadster
20:27and the Porsche Boxster.
20:29Yikes.
20:42It just has
20:44plenty of grip.
20:46Really,
20:47an awful lot
20:49of grip.
20:52Almost too much.
20:57I'm not even taxing
20:59the traction control.
21:00That's just pure grip.
21:03I'm going to get scared
21:04before this thing
21:05stops gripping.
21:07I'll keep trying.
21:22I really like Roadsters.
21:23I even like the name
21:24Roadster.
21:25It's got a kind of
21:26devil-may-care
21:27flamboyance to it
21:28and it says a lot
21:29about the car
21:30because you can't
21:31measure Roadsters
21:32on paper
21:33against one another.
21:34You can't decide
21:35this is better than that
21:36because the figures say so.
21:37A Roadster is about
21:38the whole experience.
21:39It's about the look,
21:40the sound,
21:41the feel of it.
21:57Do you know,
21:58I think they've cracked it.
22:00It's not as quick
22:01as a Porsche Boxster.
22:02Fact.
22:03But so,
22:04that doesn't rule it out
22:05and anyway,
22:05you'd expect this to be good.
22:07This is a Z4,
22:09not a Z3.
22:10This is one louder.
22:18Right.
22:19This is the cool board
22:21which is something
22:22I've just thought of.
22:24Okay?
22:24Perfectly simple.
22:25We've divided a range of cars
22:27into four categories.
22:28Seriously uncool,
22:29that would be the
22:30Chrysler PT Cruiser
22:31and the Volkswagen Beetle.
22:32more uncool.
22:33Various stuff,
22:34lots of Vauxhalls
22:35and Fords and so on.
22:37Cool?
22:37Well,
22:38I mean the Range Rover
22:39obviously
22:39and the Citroen C3
22:41and then Sub-Zero.
22:42That's absolutely freezing
22:44and we've got the vanquish
22:45in that category.
22:46Now,
22:47this has got nothing at all
22:49to do with what the car looks like
22:50or how it drives.
22:51It's only to do
22:52with how cool it is.
22:54And this Jeep Wrangler
22:56is a classic case in point.
22:58Okay?
22:58I've got to be a bit careful here
22:59because it belongs to
23:01James over there
23:02who's one of our
23:03camera operators.
23:04Now,
23:05I'm a sorry mate,
23:05it's hideous.
23:07It's a horrible car to drive
23:09and you've made it worse
23:11by jacking it up.
23:14And you can stop laughing
23:15because you've got
23:16a Porsche Boxster.
23:18Anyway,
23:18glad you're here.
23:19This is a good game
23:20because it really works
23:21and some of them
23:21really aren't that obvious
23:23like that thing.
23:24For instance,
23:25the Hyundai Coupe,
23:26that's a really good car
23:27but it's a Hyundai.
23:28It's uncool
23:29and we've got,
23:30oh God,
23:30there's a bit of Honda Civic Type R.
23:32Fantastic car to drive.
23:33It's uncool,
23:34you can't deny it.
23:35Audi A2.
23:37Dreadful, dreadful car.
23:38It wobbles
23:39when you turn
23:40the windscreen wiper on.
23:41It's a little rocks from some...
23:43Horrible,
23:43but somehow
23:45quite cool.
23:47Can I just pull up
23:47your boyish enthusiasm
23:49here there, Jeremy,
23:49for this idea
23:50of what you've just thought of
23:51but it was really nice
23:52of you to consult.
23:53Nobody at all.
23:54He just merely sticks pictures on
23:56and makes his own...
23:56I'm right.
23:57That's the important thing.
23:58Yeah, well, there's a couple of things here.
23:59I noticed
24:00under uncool,
24:02that's a Ferrari 360, Jeremy.
24:04That's a big Fiat.
24:05It's a Ferrari.
24:06It's cool.
24:06Back me up.
24:07Is that not a cool car?
24:09If you think it's...
24:09Hands up if you think it's uncool.
24:13Now, hands up if you think it's cool.
24:15All right, thank you.
24:16The Z3,
24:17yes, okay?
24:18We all agree...
24:19Uncool.
24:20Really uncool.
24:21Very uncool.
24:21No denying that.
24:22But you say the new Z4,
24:24we have to put it down there,
24:25actually,
24:25because all BMWs
24:27are uncool.
24:28X5 in particular...
24:29Ooh, it's very uncool!
24:31Particularly when they've got
24:33drug dealer wheels like this one.
24:36Really, really uncool man
24:37in pink shirt who has one.
24:39Range Rover, on the other hand,
24:41fantastic car.
24:42Very cool.
24:42You bought the wrong one.
24:43Sorry.
24:45But you say, anyway,
24:46the Z4...
24:47That's a cool car.
24:48It's more muscular.
24:49It's got presence.
24:49You could go anywhere in that.
24:50It's a cool car.
24:51Right, fair enough.
24:51First BMW since about 1976
24:53that makes it into the cool category.
24:55Now, this is a case in point.
24:57Fiat Multiplers.
24:58That's a really good one,
24:59because it...
24:59Well, it's ugly.
25:00Hang on.
25:01It's ugly, yes,
25:03but it's cool.
25:04It's definitely...
25:05It's cool.
25:08It's cool.
25:09It's going in the cool bits.
25:12I'm with you on that one.
25:13I'm with you on that.
25:14Lexus.
25:15I'm not taking any trouble on that.
25:16I'm right, again.
25:19Lexus IS200.
25:21Okay?
25:21Was a cool car.
25:23Alan Partridge has got one.
25:24Not cool anymore.
25:25Uncool.
25:26Sorry, Lexus.
25:27He's wrecked it.
25:28How do you make that stick on there?
25:29There we are, on there.
25:30Now, this one, so uncool that...
25:33We're going to have to stop it.
25:34Why don't it stick in there?
25:35Yes.
25:36Oh, yes.
25:36Seriously, it's uncool.
25:37It's found its home.
25:38Audi TT.
25:40Well, it was.
25:42Too many...
25:44Precisely.
25:44Yeah.
25:45That's why, excuse me,
25:46the Volkswagen Beetles down here
25:48got launched.
25:49We then had to wait a year for it to arrive.
25:52If you're going to make a car a fashion statement,
25:54which they have,
25:54get it out now.
25:55And the same thing with this.
25:56It started here.
25:58And it's moved along.
26:00And we think that right now,
26:02it's here.
26:04And if you want one,
26:05you've got 20 minutes.
26:06Okay?
26:07Because in 20 minutes,
26:08it's going to be here.
26:12And then finally,
26:15the Renault Aventyne.
26:17Oh, no, no.
26:17If you're going to start going on about that,
26:18you're not going to...
26:19Jeremy.
26:20That is ridiculous.
26:23Sub-zero.
26:25Beyond the Mini,
26:25the Land Rover Defender,
26:26and even the Vanquish.
26:28That's the coolest car money can buy.
26:30Donut Hockey.
26:32We're back with our grannies,
26:34and do you remember Sadie?
26:35She was the star of our donut challenge.
26:38Wow.
26:39Give me go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go,
26:41go.
26:41Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go.
26:42Good girl.
26:43Good girl.
26:44Brilliant.
26:44Absolutely brilliant.
26:45That was really good, Sadie.
26:48But could she do a handbrake park?
26:51Off you go now.
26:52Look, we've got 4,000 lifts.
26:55Look up.
26:55Here it comes.
26:56Here it comes.
26:56Here it comes.
26:57Here it comes.
26:57Come on, Sadie.
26:58Come on, Sadie.
27:00Handbrake.
27:09Next up,
27:10It was joy.
27:13Right.
27:14Now I think it's going to be fun.
27:15She's going to run us down.
27:17Put your hand on the handbrake ready,
27:18and don't do anything till I tell you.
27:20He's very, very patient.
27:22He is.
27:22Absolutely.
27:22He's so patient.
27:24Wow.
27:25Find your belt.
27:27Stop.
27:28Stop.
27:29Stop.
27:33Oh, dear.
27:34Was this a granny challenge too far?
27:36Well, Anne was up next.
27:38Right, good luck, Anne.
27:39Don't do it.
27:40Faster, faster, faster, faster.
27:42Go on.
27:45Well done.
27:46Boom.
27:51Do it better than him.
27:55Can Gwyneth beat that?
27:57Keep going.
27:57Keep going.
27:58Keep going.
27:58Faster.
28:00Oh.
28:00This guy is.
28:01Listen to that.
28:02Gwyneth's angry there.
28:03I'll come by.
28:04Turn.
28:05Oh, yeah.
28:06Beautiful.
28:07Yeah.
28:10Oh, she's on the go.
28:13Well done.
28:14And finally, Beryl had a go.
28:16On you go, Beryl.
28:18Keep going.
28:19Keep going.
28:19Keep going.
28:19Keep going.
28:19Turn.
28:20Handbrake.
28:30So you could do it.
28:32That's brilliant.
28:33You can do donuts and you can handbrake turn.
28:35I'll tell you what.
28:36Next time there's a WI meeting, when you enter that car park, it won't smell of ginger biscuits
28:40and sponge cake.
28:41It'll be burning rubber.
28:43Anyway, thanks very much to her grannies.
28:45Massive sports.
28:45Big round of applause.
28:46Thanks very much.
28:54Right, right, right.
28:56Listen, tonight's show is all about fashion.
28:58It's all about cool.
28:59So there was only one star we could put in our reasonably priced car.
29:03Just a moment.
29:05That's better.
29:05Ladies and gentlemen, let's meet her.
29:08God almighty.
29:10Tara Palmer-Tonkinson.
29:13Hi, darling.
29:15How are you?
29:16I'm all right, man.
29:17Have a seat.
29:23Oh, don't do that.
29:25It's not like having an anesthetic in your mouth.
29:28Anyway, what do you think?
29:29Cushions, flowers?
29:30Oh, look.
29:31You've got me some lovely flowers.
29:32$3.95.
29:33They're on the turn.
29:34But they're just about okay.
29:36So yeah, we've got those.
29:36A lovely milk tray because the lady loves.
29:39Have one.
29:40Oh, Jeremy.
29:41Jason, you've eaten the chocolates again.
29:44That's terrible.
29:46I have to eat the potpourri.
29:47No, no.
29:47Jason will be after that afterwards.
29:49Um, driving.
29:50Yes.
29:50You and I have met before in a car.
29:55This was on old Top Gear and this was old Tara.
29:58It was a long time ago, wasn't it?
30:00So we just remind ourselves of what Tara's like behind the wheel of a car.
30:05All right, let's have a look at this.
30:07Oh, no.
30:08Don't look at the shops.
30:10Chanel, these are good shops.
30:11They've changed good shoe windows.
30:13And I just want to show everyone that these are the shoes I'm driving in.
30:19Oh, I've had my hazard lights on the whole door.
30:21No, you haven't.
30:21You just picked them on while demonstrating your shoes that we're doing.
30:24Oh, 300 miles an hour.
30:25No, I just want to show everyone, you know, and I can do it in splatter heels too.
30:29Lights are red.
30:31I wasn't going to go through.
30:33That's enough of that.
30:34Now, at one point, at one point, we hit, and I have to look disapproving for this, okay?
30:41Yes, okay.
30:41There's a big thing going, 100 miles an hour on Sloan Street, which is in London.
30:48Do you crash a lot?
30:50No, I don't actually, no.
30:52Any people, no.
30:53No, I don't.
30:54Because there's a report in the newspapers the other day which said that women are more prone to crash into
30:59stationary obnoxiousness and that men crash into high-speed things.
31:05No, no, I don't crash, but when I park, I think that the bumpers are there, so you go bump,
31:10bump, bump, bump, in.
31:14Move on from that one.
31:15What do you look for in a car?
31:17I mean, what was it that first attracted you to the free Honda MSX?
31:21Yeah.
31:23Not that it was free, of course.
31:25No, I look for, I like convertible cars, actually.
31:29I've always loved convertible cars.
31:31I like, I like fast cars.
31:35Exactly.
31:35So what's your idea of perfect car?
31:37Um, the Jaguar XK8, without a doubt, is the most beautiful car I've ever driven, yeah.
31:43The Ferraris, are they cool or not?
31:46No, they remind me of a bad day in the south of France.
31:49You see, I said they are, they're...
31:52But, I've got to say, look, if a guy has worked, you know, worked really hard, and he gets like
31:58a big bonus, and his dream is always to have a red Ferrari, and so why shouldn't he spend his
32:02Christmas bonus and buy that car and drive it with pride?
32:08Well, you know, you hear about these bonuses.
32:11Well, I know what you mean.
32:13In this city, some people get big bonuses.
32:15In Rotherham, nobody gets 100 grand bonuses.
32:17No, but I'm just saying that if somebody's worked their ass off, and, you know, they get the car and
32:21everything, then why shouldn't they get whatever car they like?
32:24Who am I to judge?
32:25But I've got to say, I don't like a car which is just flashy and vulgar.
32:30Can I make a suggestion?
32:31You know you say you like the Jaguar XK8?
32:33It's a nice car, but what you actually want is a Mitsubishi Evo 7.
32:39Am I right?
32:41A girl in one of...
32:42You won't like it, but a girl in one of those is about as big a turn-on as anything
32:48I can imagine.
32:49Well, hello.
32:50Now, I want to ask the men's opinion.
32:52Do you all agree, or is he lying?
32:56If you saw Tara...
32:57Where's the shop where they are sold?
32:58The shop?
33:01Well...
33:02And is it still open?
33:04I'll tell you what, talk to me later, I'll find out where a Mitsubishi garage is.
33:07They're not expensive, you can have an Evo 7.
33:10But why is it so sexy?
33:11Why?
33:12Why?
33:13What is it?
33:13It's because it's a really serious rally car.
33:16Very, very, very fast.
33:18Okay?
33:18Now, as far as I know, no girl in the whole of human history has ever bought one.
33:23Right, that's going to be me.
33:24Get one.
33:26What would you think, though, if a man had that in his house or his flat?
33:31It's a wine cooler.
33:33No, not a cooler.
33:34I mean, a wine storage thing.
33:35Head gaskets from an Audi A6.
33:37Now, do you think that's cool?
33:39Yeah.
33:39Oh, really?
33:40Yeah, I do.
33:40I think that's really cool.
33:41Because I do, too.
33:42And I was worried that you'd think...
33:44Yeah, no, I think that is excellent.
33:45Have it.
33:46What about this, then?
33:47Magazine racks, which is a spring.
33:49Yes, he's doing that.
33:50Oh, my goodness.
33:51That is heavy.
33:53You see?
33:53And look at these.
33:54This is a coat hook.
33:56Do you know what these are?
33:57That's a coat hook?
33:57Meredith.
33:59Valves.
34:00Do you know what show you've come to?
34:01You like that as well?
34:02I like that.
34:03I like that.
34:04It's cool.
34:05No, it's not jewelry.
34:06But anyway, there's a habit.
34:07Take it all away.
34:09There you are.
34:09That's that.
34:10So these are my little presents.
34:11Actually, they will go down rather nice in my new loft department.
34:14You've come here, obviously, to drive our reasonably priced car.
34:17Yes.
34:18Was that the Suzuki?
34:18Yeah.
34:19What did you think of it?
34:20Well, it was really nice, actually.
34:22It was a good little run around.
34:23Could have done it, you know, maybe going a little bit quicker.
34:25But it was very, very good.
34:27Well, this is how fast all of our guests have been so far.
34:31Oh, let's see.
34:33JK, 148.
34:34Two seconds faster than me.
34:36Rather annoyingly.
34:37Were they all in the Suzuki?
34:39Yeah, they've all been around in the Suzuki.
34:40Steve Coogan, he did it in the rain in 153.
34:45Kemp, 154.
34:46That's Ross Kemp.
34:46Jonathan Ross, 157.
34:48Harry Enfield.
34:48Two days.
34:49Oh, my God.
34:51Very slow.
34:52Now, two days and an hour, that is.
34:54Now.
34:54And it was quite wet today.
34:55It was wet.
34:56And I had my coat in the front seat, which weighs a lot.
34:59Good excuse.
35:00The best excuse we've had so far.
35:02Shall we see the lap, everyone?
35:03Yeah, I can't wait to see.
35:04Here we go.
35:05Oh, you look scared.
35:07I was.
35:08Okay, Jeremy, so I've been asked to talk my way through exactly what I'm doing.
35:12So this is how I plan to go really quickly and pretend that I'm coming up to Harvey Nichols,
35:17and the shop is about to close, and I have to get there, because otherwise I'm not going to get
35:21those shoes, which I really want.
35:23Got a break.
35:24Oh, they're closing the doors.
35:27Okay, sexy man on the street.
35:29Wave to him.
35:30All very simple.
35:33It's just mind over matter.
35:35Oh, that looks good.
35:36Okay.
35:37I mean, last thing you want to think about is the car.
35:41Just have to think that you're driving with no clothes on, singing your songs.
35:47What on earth are you talking about?
35:49You said talk yourself through it.
35:51No.
35:53I'm impressed with that.
35:55It's not bad.
35:56It's right in the mark.
35:57I now understand.
35:59Oh, sorry.
36:01Keep this, keep this.
36:02Whoa, nice.
36:03Well held.
36:05That was very well held.
36:06Not bad, is it?
36:08Look, in the lines.
36:09I know, and you're across the line.
36:11Yay.
36:16Now, somebody told me that you cut one of the corners there.
36:19Did anyone else see that?
36:21No.
36:22None of them did.
36:23I didn't either.
36:24Who's the person who's hurt?
36:26One of the producers came and said she cut one of the corners.
36:28I had a really careful look.
36:29I don't think she did.
36:31Now, you are the first girl to come on, so it is important for the girls how you did.
36:35I'd better have beaten Harry Enfield.
36:36Harry Enfield, you've beaten Enfield.
36:38Do you think you went faster than Jonathan Floppy Hair Ross?
36:41Yeah, I think I may have done.
36:43You did.
36:44Do you think you went faster than Ross Camp?
36:45What?
36:46You didn't go faster than Ross Camp, but you drew with him.
36:50One minute and fifty-four.
36:55Look at that.
36:56Yes, look at that.
36:58Ladies first, we'll put you in the top.
36:59Only a second behind Steve Coogan.
37:00My dad will be so proud.
37:02Well, there we are.
37:03We're very pleased to have had you here.
37:04Yeah, I've loved it.
37:04Ladies and gentlemen, Tara Farmer Tomkinson.
37:13This week's Insider Trading.
37:16Now, Suzuki Liana.
37:18Reasonably priced.
37:19Really?
37:19Nine double nine five.
37:20Tara liked it.
37:21She did.
37:22Jonathan Ross said it was a beast.
37:23He did.
37:24He did.
37:24JK described it as...
37:26All right.
37:26And he's a rock star.
37:27He's a rock star.
37:28And at nine double nine five, it's a bargain.
37:30But this week, I got an email from a Suzuki main dealer.
37:33And they said, ha ha.
37:34Not nine double nine five.
37:36Eight double nine five.
37:37That's a very reasonably priced car.
37:39Well, I thought so as well.
37:40And then, I got two more emails from two more main dealers.
37:44Seven double nine five.
37:45That's an insanely reasonably priced car.
37:47I think we ought to change the feature.
37:49It's now a start in a reasonably priced, heavily discounted car.
37:52It is pretty much.
37:53Absolutely.
37:54Now, it's that time of year again.
37:56We're building up to Christmas.
37:57And a little used car buying tip for you all.
38:00Some of the big PLCs, some of the big used car operations,
38:03have to dispose of stock before the year end.
38:06Okay, basically it's to do with some of their financial constraints.
38:08They have to carry a certain amount of stock into the new year.
38:11So, they're going to sell a load of cars.
38:12They're going to sell a load of cars.
38:13Now, it doesn't tend to affect the smaller dealers,
38:15the family-run businesses and so forth.
38:17It's the big ones, the PLCs.
38:19So, knowing that, if you're going to go into any of those places
38:21to buy a used car in the next probably four to five weeks,
38:24yeah, keep that in the back of your mind.
38:26You're going to get a storming deal.
38:27So, they may not be advertised, but you know that it's just...
38:30Absolutely.
38:30You're not going to advertise the fact, but now you know it.
38:32So, go in and do that deal.
38:34Okay, finance.
38:34Right, loads of people, me included, use finance to buy a car.
38:38Interest rates are pretty low at the moment, good time to use it.
38:40But when you come to part exchange your car,
38:42if you've still got some finance outstanding on it,
38:44you've obviously got to settle it.
38:45Now, when you do a deal at a garage,
38:47nine times out of ten, they will take care of settling that for you.
38:50In other words, they'll send the cheque off to the finance company,
38:53take it out the value of your car.
38:54Why do they do that?
38:55Well, really, it's for their own peace of mind.
38:58Because until the finance is settled, they can't trade the car,
39:00they can't auction the car.
39:01Okay, so they've got to get it off the finance register.
39:04And normally that's fine,
39:05but a friend of mine this week got a letter from his finance company
39:08saying that he still owed £1,500 finance,
39:10and he'd part exchange a car back in August.
39:13So the dealer hadn't paid it off?
39:15Basically, the dealer hadn't paid it off.
39:17And he's still liable for that.
39:19Now, worse than that, he then goes to phone the dealer.
39:21You've made a mistake, you know, and they've gone bust.
39:24And we're not talking about a small dealer,
39:26we're talking about a main Ford dealer has gone bust.
39:28So your mate is then presumably liable for the outstanding finance on the car
39:32despite having sold it on.
39:33So what can we do to avoid that happening?
39:34One of two things.
39:35Either settle the finance yourself,
39:37or secondly, if the dealer still insists that they want to do it,
39:41see the cheque that they're going to send off.
39:42When you do the deal, go in and pick your car up,
39:44see the cheque they're going to send,
39:44and then please phone the finance company
39:47and make sure that it's done a few days later.
39:49Then you're safe.
39:50Then you're safe.
39:51Okay, today we've been talking about cool cars.
39:53So I thought I'd show you a used car
39:55that's never gone out of fashion.
39:57The Volkswagen Golf.
39:59There are cars that are cheaper,
40:00there are cars that are prettier,
40:02and there are cars that can drive better.
40:04But if we're talking about style,
40:06if we're talking about the X Factor,
40:07then we've got to talk about the Golf.
40:11When it was launched in 1974,
40:13the Golf defined what the small hatchback was all about.
40:16And in the 80s, the Mark II secured the car's status
40:19as a style icon,
40:21with the help of some brilliant TV ads.
40:23It's here today and gone tomorrow
40:29But the world goes on the same
40:34And in the caring-sharing 90s,
40:37the Mark III Golf once again captured the mood of the times
40:40by selling itself as safe and green,
40:42even though it was heavy and dull compared to its predecessors.
40:46A lot of people said with the Mark III
40:48that Volkswagen should stop making the Golf.
40:51It's gone too soft.
40:52But they didn't.
41:00Launched in 1998,
41:02the Mark IV has the same dependable, reliable character as the Mark III.
41:07Although these later versions will never deliver the excitement
41:10of the Mark I and Mark II,
41:11if you're using your head rather than your heart,
41:14they're definitely the best second-hand vibe.
41:17You can pick up a good mid-90s Mark III
41:20for about £4,000,
41:21or the later Mark IV with reasonable mileage
41:24for about £6,500.
41:29One of the reasons these cars hold their value so well
41:31is the styling.
41:33I mean, it's very conservative.
41:35You could buy a Mark III,
41:36which is quite a lot cheaper than a Mark IV.
41:38Nobody would look at you and go,
41:39oh, cheapskate.
41:41But it still looks the part.
41:43As a used car,
41:44this is the ultimate get-out-of-jail-free car.
41:47If you park one of these on your drive,
41:49your neighbours will never know
41:50how well you're doing or not.
41:53So what about engines?
41:54Well, you could go for a 1.4,
41:56but they're desperately slow.
41:58Then you've got the 1.6 and the 2.0.
42:00I'd actually go for the 1.6.
42:01It's only 15 brake horsepower less,
42:03and it's a couple of insurance groups lower.
42:09My recommendation is
42:11if you want a second-hand Golf
42:12with real performance,
42:13buy a diesel.
42:15You can buy a second-hand Golf diesel
42:17with 110, 130 or 150 brake horsepower,
42:21but combine that with the torque you get from the diesel,
42:24and that'll embarrass any of the petrols.
42:35So if you fancy buying a used Golf,
42:37what else do you need to know?
42:38Well, a couple of things.
42:40Number one, unless you've got to,
42:41I would steer clear of buying the automatic.
42:43It's only a four-speed gearbox
42:44on all but the very latest models,
42:46and with that,
42:47you're going to dent performance and economy.
42:49One thing that is worth hunting down there
42:51is air conditioning.
42:52It's not standard on most models,
42:54but it's a really nice option to have.
42:56Oh, and finally, colour.
42:58Colour is very important.
43:01This should be the most desirable Golf
43:04that money can buy.
43:05It's a GT TDI.
43:07It's even got air conditioning.
43:10But look at the colour.
43:11It's a horrible, horrible green
43:13with a horrible, horrible interior,
43:15which means that this car is worth £500 less
43:19than a blue one or a silver one or a black one.
43:23You see, the Golf has always had style,
43:26but in this colour, it's out of fashion.
43:29So, Jason, you're always telling us
43:31clever ways to save a few quid, yeah?
43:33And we can save £500 by buying it in the wrong colour,
43:35so logically, you buy it in the wrong colour
43:37and save the money, don't you?
43:38Yeah, you've got to live with the car, though, haven't you?
43:40I mean, there's nothing worse than driving something
43:42that you really are ashamed of.
43:44You can get it right.
43:45I mean, some cars work in some colours, don't they?
43:47Oh, yeah, I mean, there's classic colours
43:48like Jaguar, it's silvers, it's blues,
43:50it's greens and that kind of stuff.
43:51And what's that launch colour you see in cars sometimes?
43:53It's like a yellowy, autumnal, barley gold.
43:57Oh, for heaven's sake!
43:58I have enough of their autumnal colours.
44:01I want to get back to my cool wall,
44:03which I've just thought of again.
44:05And the reason is, is because of the Mercedes SL.
44:09Now, the 60s version, photograph of which I have here,
44:13that's very cool.
44:14Kate Moss has one, we all agreed on that?
44:16Definitely goes here, right?
44:19Sub-zero.
44:19But then, in the 70s and the 80s,
44:23they had this version, OK?
44:25What do we think?
44:26Uncle.
44:27Uncle.
44:28Bobby Ewing had one in Dallas.
44:30That says it all.
44:31It's going there.
44:33Now, that was replaced by this one.
44:36And this one, I'm afraid, had the kiss of death.
44:39Quentin Wilson bought one.
44:43Where's it going?
44:44Seriously uncool.
44:47Over there.
44:48But, now, there's a new Mercedes SL for the 21st century.
44:53And we've got one over here.
44:56Now, the question I have is, can you buy one?
44:59I don't mean, can you afford one?
45:01£67,000 is what it costs.
45:03I mean, can you buy one?
45:05Could you drive around in this
45:06without people openly laughing at you?
45:09Well, this is the 500, OK?
45:11And I think the answer is no.
45:16But, this has a big brother.
45:21This is it.
45:22The AMG-tuned SL55.
45:24The fastest automatic car in the world.
45:29It's supercharged 5.5 litre V8 engine
45:32churns out nearly 500 brake horsepower.
45:36And that means a top speed, if you take the restrictor off,
45:38of more than 200 miles an hour.
45:42But I'm not going 200 miles an hour.
45:45In fact, I'm not even going 20 miles an hour.
45:47And there's a very good reason for that.
45:52Most of the cars that we feature on Top Gear
45:54are borrowed from huge, faceless car manufacturers.
45:57We simply keep them for a week
45:59and then give them back when the tyres are worn out.
46:02But this one is different.
46:04This one belongs to me.
46:08I bought it, my money, and they're my tyres,
46:11and I'm not going to wear them out.
46:15I sold a Ferrari 355 to buy this.
46:19That was a fabulous car,
46:22but it was as relaxing as being tickled.
46:24The Mercedes can play that game too,
46:26but unlike the Ferrari,
46:28it's also good at chess.
46:32After a hard day at work,
46:34not that I've ever had a hard day at work,
46:36but if I were to ever have a hard day at work,
46:38I'd be able to waft home in this in absolute luxury.
46:42It's got all the same toys
46:43that we saw in the S-Class last week.
46:45You know, the seats are air-conditioned
46:47and they massage you as you drive along.
46:49I've got TV, CD, telephone.
46:53I've got radar-guided cruise control,
46:55voice activation.
46:56I'd just go CD3, track 5.
47:11The Ferrari could never do this.
47:14Not this silence, softness, quietness.
47:20And here's something else the Ferrari could never do.
47:23When the sky is blue,
47:25you just push a button
47:26and in 16 seconds,
47:28the roof is gone.
47:36So now, the comfortable Grand Tourer
47:39has been converted into a two-seater sports car.
47:42But don't think any of the practicality has been lost.
47:46Even though that metal roof
47:48from the big glass window
47:49has been folded into the boot,
47:52there is still space in here
47:53for my suitcase, my briefcase,
47:55and 16 changes of clothing.
48:06Occasionally, though,
48:07you catch a glimpse
48:08of those aluminium slashes on the bonnet,
48:10which are like a big cat's claws,
48:13and you think,
48:14I'm wasting this car.
48:17I've got to open the taps
48:19just a little bit.
48:27That's a little bit.
48:32Now, we're doing
48:33seven miles to the gallon.
48:35The traction control is on full alert,
48:37and it sounds
48:37like a World War II fighter.
48:44this is the kind of noise deep resonating noise that hurts dogs when i come home at night in this
48:52my labradors stick their paws in their ears and
49:05they actually use one of these as a pace car a kind of safety
49:09car in grand prix races and if you watch it even on tv you can hear it a sort of
49:17baritone backdrop to
49:19the shrieking soprano f1 motors in a straight line it monsters the 355 but then it does have a hundred
49:27more brake horsepower it's not all sweetness and light though it doesn't have the finesse of a
49:33ferrari if you run over a pothole the suspension crashes and through the corners there's no getting
49:40away from the fact that you are driving a pretty heavy old hector
50:13so how do we sum it up then
50:17the ferrari is like a stiletto sleek accurate deadly
50:25this on the other hand is more like a hammer big a bit clumsy but it'll still kill you
50:32actually not a hammer it's more like a swiss army knife it's a top-down funster a long distance cruiser
50:40a muscle car a mesher smith me 109 a pose mobile and if your horse gets a stone in its
50:46shoe
50:46it can deal with that too
50:56so jeremy you think then the amg version that is a cool car i think the engine rescues it yes
51:02but i am aware
51:03the rest of it is quite northern and that's the trouble you see i am a northern person i like
51:10onyx coffee
51:11tables no i do i'm sorry i do you know i know i shouldn't have a carpet in my bathroom
51:16i know that
51:17but i've got one you have a drinks globe don't you jeremy i haven't got a drinks globe but secretly
51:22in there yeah i want one and that's it and on that bombshell really we have to end the show
51:28actually we don't that's not strictly correct you see this whole sl thing like your car in particular
51:34do you not think it's ever so slightly camp just you know all these fins and bits and pieces
51:41well we did so i had a bit of image about michelle can you bring this in we had a
51:45little bit of a
51:46look on the internet you know your favorite place jeremy quite worried this is a website now it's called
51:52out uk and it's for the gay man and it's it's kind of a lifestyle thing it's got everything you
52:01need
52:01for your gay lifestyle it's got you know what to watch on television there's a very if the sl is
52:05in here it's for sale it does have it does have car stuff in here and if we have a
52:11look down look
52:11as you see the auto erotic oh aren't they lovely there's a little smart yeah and then we found the
52:16top ten gayest cars and if you look at number four which is quite near the top really that's that's
52:22the
52:22mercedes sl 55 amg that's that's your car and do you know what's even more worrying is that the car
52:30i've just singled out for particular praise the jeep wranglers at number two is there anything you
52:37need to tell us at this point it's not just the onyx coffee table it's not just the carpeted bathroom
52:43i'm coming out and the other point is this is a fast car how many more points have you got
52:50that i don't
52:50know this is a fast car isn't it and we'll be honest it's a fast car the amg um we
52:56noticed the stig
52:57didn't drive it no there's no there's no there's no way i was going to let the stick seriously i
53:02was
53:02not going to let the stig drive it because it's your car exactly yeah but we let the stig drive
53:06it
53:06when we stole the key
53:14oh that was a useless start it was a very quick start it was a good one it wasn't it
53:19broken the diff and the clutch and everything and i'll kill it that's some proper speed
53:36he's got one minute 23 to beat and he's trying hard that's very very he's got the track
53:50towards the line there we are and he crosses the line in my car is what he crosses the line
53:55in yes but
53:55also in one minute 33 which is extremely quick in fact because that's a wet time if you're not the
54:03four seconds off that that means it's as fast or faster than a lamborghini merchelago so your car
54:08is very very fast gay but very very fast and you got it back in one piece happy no i'm
54:17not happy to be
54:17perfectly honest i am not happy and that really is the end of your life but from here from everyone
54:24good
54:25night
54:29more next week same time human instinct next tonight on bbc prime
54:34the story of the instinctive urges within every one of us
54:37the story of the instinctive urges within every one of us is going to be a big start
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