- 7 hours ago
First broadcast 3rd November 2006.
Stephen Fry
Alan Davies
Jo Brand
Dara Ó Briain
Julian Clary
Stephen Fry
Alan Davies
Jo Brand
Dara Ó Briain
Julian Clary
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:00Good evening, good evening, good evening, good evening, good evening, good evening.
00:04Guten Abend, buona sera, and vive la différence, because tonight's QI is all about differences,
00:12to which end we have four different guests.
00:16The one and only Dara O'Brien.
00:21The incomparable Joe Brand.
00:26The utterly unique Julian Clary.
00:33And the very, very dissimilar Alan Davis.
00:41And of course the buzzers tonight are as different as ever.
00:44Dara goes.
00:48Very nice.
00:49Julian goes.
00:54And Joe goes.
01:05Oh, I think they should, will they sound together?
01:13Oh, yeah.
01:15Joe.
01:20Alan.
01:31Different, but not necessarily dissonant.
01:34Now, according to the feminist, novelist, and journalist Dame Rebecca West, the main difference
01:38between men and women is that men are lunatics and women are idiots.
01:43Joe, what would you say is in fact the main difference between men and women?
01:46Is it that men are really great and women are really shit?
01:51Oh, no.
01:52Joe, how is that?
01:53Sorry, that's the wrong way around.
01:56I think it's that men are rubbish at multitasking and women are very good at it.
02:06What it's about, though, I think, is the fact that if you ask a man to do something,
02:10he does it so horrendously thoroughly that he can't do anything else at the same time.
02:16This is my husband the other week.
02:18Can you hoover the front room while I'm at the shops, right?
02:20And I came back.
02:21All the furniture was out in the garden.
02:25He's on his hands and knees with a hoover using an attachment I've never even seen before.
02:31It just leads me to think that men are probably actually much better at housework than women.
02:35Yeah.
02:36Because women are sluts and people don't realise that we are.
02:39No, we are.
02:40Actually, I've got a pilot ready for a TV show,
02:43which is actually about the truth of women's domestic capabilities,
02:47and it's called F*** It, That'll Do.
02:54It's a very good answer, indeed.
02:57The actual thing as well is that, in fact, every woman in the world has got bird flu,
03:02but we don't give a shit because we just get on with our lives.
03:05And it's only because a few men have caught it lately that people are going mad about it.
03:12It's like, oh, I've got bubonic clave, but I've still got to do the hoovering.
03:17Do you know what I mean?
03:19This women's greater tolerance of pain thing is because, obviously, of childbirth,
03:22and frankly, it's completely untested because we could be brilliant at it.
03:26I'm quite prepared to do an experiment on you.
03:30I've got very disappointing news for you, Dara,
03:32which is that women have twice as many pain receptors on their skin.
03:36Thus making them more...
03:37Supposedly, they are more sensitive to pain than men.
03:40There was an experiment once run by the kind of people who run fun experiments like this,
03:44which test this notion of whether women can endure pain or not
03:47by the simple experience of wiring a man and a woman up
03:50and running a current through them
03:51until one of them pressed the button to stop,
03:54and the women went for the...
03:58much faster than the men did.
03:59And it turns out that men could endure pain twice as long as women did.
04:02But then maybe they're only getting half as much pain,
04:04as they say, because women have two and a half times more pain receptors.
04:07But do you know what the originating and defining difference is?
04:11Presumably, it's a chromosome.
04:12It's the chromosome.
04:13Do you know how they're arranged?
04:14There's X and Y.
04:16There's X and Y.
04:16Y is useless, and we have a Y, and you have two X's,
04:21which is why women are twice as varied in personality and physique than men are,
04:25which is why men are broadly all borderline autistic
04:28and are easily unified by one thing.
04:30Oh, did you watch the match?
04:32And the entire woman goes,
04:33yes, I did, actually.
04:35It doesn't, however, mean that women within themselves
04:38are fantastically varied.
04:39It just means that one woman is more different from the next woman.
04:42Is that why women are congenitally unable to explain the offside rule?
04:47Is that a sort of subsection?
04:49Since they changed it, quite a lot of men are stressed out.
04:54I think I recognise some of those spells.
04:59Yes, fundamentally, the difference is
05:01Y chromosomes, sociologically, who can save?
05:05But let's look at some of the latest research.
05:08Dara, does alcohol have a greater effect on men or on women?
05:11The same amount of alcohol would affect a woman earlier
05:15because she's tiny and petite and divine.
05:19You're really just luring me into one of these QI traps here, aren't you?
05:24Yeah.
05:28In tests, men lose their inhibitions quicker.
05:32And their clothes.
05:33And their clothes.
05:36Women respond better to the same amount of alcohol
05:39than men would in the same circumstances.
05:40In terms of keeping clarity of mind
05:42and not losing inhibitions.
05:44Not better in terms of throwing their knickers at people
05:46and going, wah-hey!
05:48When they get behind the wheel,
05:49they don't think they're a better driver.
05:52In the long run, however,
05:53women are more prone to alcohol-related brain and liver damage.
05:57Well, that makes it all all right.
05:58Yes, good.
05:59We get pissed quicker, but they die,
06:01so ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.
06:02Is that what you're saying?
06:05No, no, no.
06:06It's very sad that anyone should have alcohol-related brain and liver damage.
06:09Does it affect memory?
06:11Because I'm fairly sure it does.
06:12I did know that.
06:14It was on my 30th birthday.
06:17I had got some photos back after.
06:19We had this dinner,
06:20and there were people with indoor sparklers.
06:22And I thought, when did they have them?
06:23They must have gone to the loo or something.
06:24I don't remember that.
06:25And the next one was me with a sparkler.
06:28And then it's me with two sparklers
06:29and me lighting sparklers really intently
06:31and handing sparklers out.
06:35Dara, I'll ask you again.
06:37Suppose...
06:38Is that meant to be Dara, at work?
06:44In a very ideal world.
06:47Suppose you've got into bed with your wife.
06:49Is it likely that she might be a bit cold to you?
06:51As in, would she have expended more energy,
06:53and I would she have cooled down in the bed beside me?
06:55Women certainly moan about being cold more than men.
06:57Do you think they have good reason to?
06:59The man's genitals hang outside to keep cool.
07:02Speak for yourself.
07:08Out of the window.
07:09There can be ancillary reasons.
07:12Yeah, it's surprising.
07:13There's a very, very narrow ambit of temperature
07:15within which sperm can live.
07:16So if it's too hot,
07:18they need to dangle down and get a lot of air through them
07:20to cool them down.
07:21And if it's very cold, they need to go...
07:23Once they're out, they're alive for 18 hours.
07:25So you should leave the telly on if you're going out or something.
07:33When it gets to a certain temperature,
07:35the blood deliberately doesn't go to the extremities
07:37in order to preserve the warmth of the vital organs.
07:40And so the toesies and the hands will feel cold.
07:43And with women, it'll happen sooner.
07:45At about 70 degrees,
07:46you will start to get less blood in your hands and feet.
07:49Men, it will be at about 67 degrees Fahrenheit.
08:02It will be true that your wife would have more likely to have cold feet than you.
08:06OK, well, I'll have to meet my wife, whoever she is.
08:10If she's out there, I've got your email in.
08:14Are you not married?
08:15I'm not married.
08:15Look, I'm not married.
08:17Ween Lo from Amazon's new department, I've sent for her.
08:21Her name is Ween Lo.
08:23She's from Amazon.Filippines.
08:27She doesn't mind changing you to an Irish name, then, does she?
08:29Ween Lo, if you prefer.
08:32Anyway, when you're in bed with a girl,
08:34you'll have cold feet because it'll be three degrees colder than ours.
08:38That's the point.
08:39But she'll have nice, warm internal organs.
08:41Is that what you mean?
08:41Yes, she will.
08:42She will, yes.
08:43She will.
08:46She'll warm your hands up.
08:48I don't know what she...
08:52I think we'd better move away from gender differences.
08:55Let's have a little picture.
08:56What would you call this person here behind you?
09:00An Inuit.
09:01Oh, dear, dear, dear.
09:04We thought she'd fall for that one.
09:06And I did.
09:07Yeah, you see, we have this idea that it's rather politically correct
09:10to call anything that lives sort of around about the Arctic Circle
09:13an Inuit rather than Eskimo.
09:15She's a Yupik.
09:17Calling her an Inuit would really annoy her.
09:19because she would think,
09:20oh, there goes another Westerner thinking they're saying the right thing
09:23without asking me.
09:24She looks quite annoyed.
09:25She does look a bit annoyed.
09:27I bet she's got cold feet.
09:28Yeah, she does.
09:28She's got even colder feet.
09:30Yeah.
09:31But they have pretty extraordinary lines.
09:33What's the average height of an Eskimo?
09:35Four foot ten.
09:36Yeah, it's five foot four.
09:38Which I think is the life expectancy, the average age.
09:4139 years.
09:4239.
09:42If you were to take every single one that exists
09:44and put them five in a car,
09:47they could all fit in the Los Angeles International Airport car park.
09:53Was there a conference?
09:58I'd fit in well.
09:59I'm five foot four.
10:00I'd be regarded as some sort of big, fat Irish god.
10:03And I'd be a foot taller than everyone who'd ever lived there.
10:08I'd just be, I'd stride among them going,
10:10hello, people.
10:13Greetings.
10:14I bless you.
10:15I bless you.
10:16Although my little Asian wife,
10:17she wouldn't fit in at all.
10:20Why are we here?
10:21Why are we here?
10:24Have you ever heard Inuit's throat singing?
10:26No.
10:26That's Inuit's, not Eskimos.
10:28Well, let's hear some.
10:35That was Inuit's throat singing.
10:37By Andy Kershaw, in practice.
10:39That's right, world music.
10:41That's great.
10:42That is great, actually.
10:45It likes any noise.
10:47That's right.
10:49Yes, the fact is, anyway,
10:50that all Inuit are Eskimos,
10:53although they often object to being called that,
10:54but not all Eskimos are Inuit.
10:56If you start from the North Pole,
10:59it doesn't matter if you turn left or right,
11:00you're still heading south.
11:02But what is the actual difference between left and right?
11:05Oh, don't look at me.
11:07That sounds very difficult.
11:08It's odd, isn't it?
11:08I mean, almost anything in the world,
11:10any concept, anything,
11:11you can describe with words,
11:12but left, you can't.
11:14Left or right for me was always,
11:15just me because I learnt them at the same time,
11:17was the hand that played the dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun.
11:20And this is the melody hand.
11:21Yeah.
11:21Get in with this tough working class background.
11:24Oh, I know.
11:25I had to play that piano to get out of the ghetto.
11:27You don't know how I fare.
11:29I had to play that piano hard, my friends.
11:32More piano, more piano.
11:34All right, all right.
11:37Let's be a famous painting by Manet,
11:39the bar of the Folie Berger,
11:40where there's a mirror which doesn't quite work.
11:42Her affection should be directly behind her, of course.
11:45Well, there's obviously an internal difference
11:47between left and right,
11:48because your organs aren't symmetric.
11:50That's true.
11:50Except for one in 500,000 people
11:53have their organs the other way around.
11:55It's about actually one person in 10,000.
11:57Is it?
11:58Yeah.
11:58It's called Cetus Inversus.
12:00Does that mean your willies at the back
12:01and your bum holes at the back?
12:06It's tough to ride a bike.
12:13No wonder my wife is cold when I get into bed.
12:17But there you are.
12:19How do deaf people applaud?
12:22It's different to us.
12:23Do they applaud very enthusiastically
12:26at the end of a James Blunt concert?
12:31Do you mean, is there a symbolic,
12:33as in sign language, means of apport?
12:35I guess I do.
12:36You avoided our trap of saying
12:37louder or harder than us.
12:40I know what they'd do for bullshit.
12:43That's right, it is.
12:45Absolutely great.
12:46Isn't that good?
12:52But, yeah, the applauded.
12:54It's simply waving hands in the air.
12:55It has more visual impact than,
12:57you know, for a deaf person
12:58standing on the stage or on a podium.
13:00What if they really want to be sarcastic?
13:01Do they wave really slowly?
13:04That's a slow wave.
13:09Oh, ha, ha, ha, ha.
13:13If you want to show drunkenness,
13:16you do this,
13:18and then...
13:19Oh, fabulous.
13:20But really drunk is...
13:24Well, what are all the differences?
13:26Let's try something slightly different.
13:28Similarity.
13:29What is the similarity
13:30between herring and teenage boys?
13:36They're both a delicacy in Norway.
13:41I like that.
13:43Emissions?
13:43Emissions.
13:44Spots?
13:44Yes, emissions, but not emissions...
13:47Is it farting?
13:48Yes.
13:48Is it?
13:49They both communicate by farting, essentially.
13:53I mean, obviously.
13:54Teenage boys grunt as well.
13:56That's what we used to call parts when I was a boy.
13:58What, herrings?
13:59Herrings?
14:00No, grunts.
14:01Grunts.
14:03Yes, herrings are the only fish that secrete bubbles from their anus,
14:07and it makes an extraordinary noise.
14:09It's called fast, repetitive tick.
14:11FRT is a sort of joke on the part of marine biologists, I guess.
14:15They're a barrel of laughs, sir.
14:16How they laugh.
14:18They do like to joke on the real world.
14:19They do, in the real world.
14:20I'm certainly not going to do it.
14:21It's probably not gas from digestion.
14:24It's probably from their buoyancy sack.
14:27Yes, in that, they do differ from teenage boys,
14:29who, to the best of my recollection,
14:31we didn't have a buoyancy sack.
14:34It's probably the first time I've heard of an organ
14:36in the animal kingdom where I thought,
14:38I'd love another one of them.
14:40Well, it's pretty cheap conversation.
14:41Just at a party.
14:42Oh, really?
14:43I'm finding this dog.
14:44Oh, yeah.
14:46Because at the end of your party,
14:48your wife would be going,
14:50come down, we're going, come down.
14:53I'll get the pronged fork.
14:56Do they really communicate,
14:58or is it just something they do?
15:00Supposedly they do communicate,
15:01possibly warning the shoal of danger
15:03in which direction to twist and turn.
15:06I'm supposing their sack is empty,
15:08and they've got something important to say.
15:11I don't know.
15:13Has your sack ever been empty
15:15when you've had something important to say.
15:18My sack's always half full.
15:22I can be fair,
15:23teenage boys do communicate their farts as well.
15:24Mine everything.
15:25Nor did I, obviously.
15:26I was too busy playing the piano for that evil guy.
15:30Dreaming of a day where my mail-order bride would arrive.
15:34No, but you'd actually,
15:35you'd walk to the top of the class
15:36and go,
15:36I'm going to fart,
15:37and then you'd run away again.
15:40You'd run away?
15:41Yes, well,
15:42you'd leave it there as some sort of gift.
15:44Oh, right.
15:44I float in an air biscuit.
15:48I had wind when I met the Queen.
15:53What, did you lose it?
15:55I had to,
15:55and unfortunately I shat myself.
16:00You heard it here first,
16:01ladies and gentlemen.
16:03So?
16:04Well, she'd,
16:05she'd been there herself.
16:09Had she?
16:10She just looked,
16:11gave me that look.
16:12Moved simply on.
16:14You're in a line-up after show,
16:16you're in the dance.
16:16Yeah, and it's raw variety.
16:18The curtains come in,
16:19all the artiste bobby-jabber is one side of you,
16:22and she's shaking people's hands.
16:24You, meanwhile,
16:24you've got a bubbling going on.
16:26Well, I was just a little smidge,
16:29as I thought,
16:30and I tried to get rid of it
16:31by internal squeezing.
16:34As can be done,
16:36and, uh...
16:36Are the muscles a little lax down there at the moment?
16:44No, I had this smidge of it,
16:46and, um...
16:49I tried to get rid of it,
16:50and it wasn't going to go,
16:51so I thought,
16:51well, I'll discreetly let it go,
16:54and unfortunately,
16:55on that occasion,
16:56I shat myself.
16:59It was only a little capsule affair.
17:03Did you tell her?
17:04No, you know you can't speak
17:05unless you're spoken to.
17:07So she didn't ask if you'd chat this way?
17:10No, she moved on to Frankie de Tori.
17:14Strange byways we go down,
17:16don't we?
17:17Now, tell me, then,
17:17what is the difference
17:18between brown eggs and white eggs?
17:21Only the colour.
17:22There's no other difference.
17:23Only the colour there is no difference?
17:24Is the right answer,
17:25and you get full pointing.
17:30I think it's certain I've known that for years,
17:32and yet,
17:33I don't know if you're the same,
17:34I still find myself drawn to brown eggs.
17:36I still think they're going to taste better.
17:38I think that there were more white eggs
17:39when I was younger,
17:40now there are more brown ones.
17:41Yes, because people prefer them.
17:43People think they're somehow more natural.
17:45It's not true at all.
17:46Does one hand go either way?
17:48No, it's down to the colour of the earlobes, really.
17:50If you've got white feathers and,
17:52that's a good white earlobe, that.
17:54That'll be a white egg.
17:55But if you have the old red lobes
17:57and usually brown feathers,
17:58then it'll be a brown egg.
17:59It seems to be the only thing,
18:00but no one has ever been able to tell
18:02the taste difference.
18:03Now, what would you use
18:05to make a difference engine?
18:08Do you know what a difference engine might be?
18:10It's a machine,
18:11a 19th century, 18th century design
18:13to solve equations.
18:14Yes, a calculator, a computer, in fact.
18:16One of the first computers, yeah.
18:17Indeed, and there is...
18:19These cogs and stuff.
18:20Charles Babbage.
18:21He never completed it.
18:22He ran out of money.
18:24Only in 1991 was it
18:26fully reconstructed from his plans,
18:28and it worked perfectly.
18:29It's thought that he put
18:31a couple of mistakes into it,
18:33so that if anyone stole the plans
18:35and tried to make it,
18:36it wouldn't work.
18:37Mr. Dara, bring it up.
18:41Well done.
18:44Presumably,
18:45this is a bit like
18:46when you go out at night,
18:47going to the back of your DVD
18:49and jamming a fork into it repeatedly,
18:51and then going,
18:51well, if they can steal it,
18:52it'll never work.
18:57Slashing your own tyres
18:58before your holidays.
19:01The joke's on you, teeth, okay?
19:04But in fact,
19:05in answer to the question,
19:06the reason he couldn't complete it
19:07was it was so vast,
19:08with these huge cogs in.
19:10There is a material
19:11he could have used to make it,
19:12if only it had existed,
19:13which was invented in 1901
19:16by one Frank Hornby.
19:18The bloke who did the model railway.
19:20The bloke who did the model railway
19:21has also invented
19:21another staple British child's toy.
19:24Fake hedges.
19:25They, that was all part of the,
19:28but it was a totally separate invention.
19:30Action man,
19:30Meccano.
19:31Meccano is the right answer.
19:33These are the only toys I remember.
19:34Yeah.
19:35And there is a Meccano difference engine
19:36at work.
19:37It really does work.
19:38And it can do trigonometric functions,
19:39logarithms,
19:40and the point about it is
19:41it's programmable.
19:42It's not like a clock or something,
19:43which is simply dedicated
19:44to one analog task
19:46of telling you the time.
19:47This is actually programmable.
19:48He was an odd man, though, Babbage,
19:50and he does rather live up
19:51to the idea of an early computer nerd.
19:53Tennyson wrote a poem
19:54which included the line,
19:55every moment dies a man,
19:57every moment one is born.
19:59And he wrote back,
19:59if this were true,
20:01the population of the world
20:02would be at a standstill.
20:04In truth,
20:05the rate of birth
20:06is slightly in excess of death.
20:08I would suggest
20:09that the next edition
20:10of your poem
20:11should read,
20:12every moment dies a man,
20:14every moment
20:14one and one-sixteenth
20:16is born.
20:18Strictly speaking,
20:19strictly speaking,
20:21the actual figure
20:21is so long
20:22I cannot get it into a line,
20:23but I believe
20:24the figure one and one-sixteenth
20:25will be sufficiently accurate
20:27for poetry.
20:31What a man.
20:35That's the best impression
20:36I've ever heard of him, though.
20:38It is a good impression,
20:39obviously.
20:39He also invented
20:40the cow-catcher thing
20:42that goes on front
20:42of a locomotive.
20:44I'm presuming by the fact
20:45that this is the design,
20:46it didn't succeed
20:46in catching many cows.
20:48Well,
20:49as much as dividing them.
20:52What is the difference
20:52between ping-pong
20:53and table tennis?
20:55In table tennis,
20:56you serve the ball
20:58with a bat,
20:59and in ping-pong,
21:00it's launched
21:01from the vagina
21:02of a Thai woman.
21:09your wife has got so many surprises
21:11in store for you, Dara.
21:13It's a while away
21:15those winter years.
21:16To tell you, to tell you.
21:17To tell you.
21:32It was based on an earlier game
21:34apparently called
21:34Whiff-Waff.
21:37Whiff-Waff, anyone?
21:38The game was Whiff-Waff.
21:40Well, it was.
21:41You don't say Whiff-Waff
21:41and Riff-Raff.
21:44Daphne.
21:46Whiff-Waff only lasted
21:47until somebody was playing
21:48badminton beside them
21:49and they looked over and said,
21:50well, that's so much more
21:51Whiff-Waff than this.
21:53It was said to be
21:54founded by officers
21:54in clubs
21:55using cigar boxes
21:56and champagne corks
21:58but I don't know.
21:59I do know it was
21:59banned in Russia.
22:01Absolutely right.
22:02Have ten points.
22:04Thank you very much.
22:05Do you know why
22:05it was banned in Russia?
22:06Because they thought
22:07it would affect
22:08people's eyesight badly.
22:11Absolutely right
22:11in the 19th century.
22:13Did you know
22:14that at the 1936
22:15World Champions in Prague
22:17one point lasted
22:18over an hour?
22:21Some things
22:22have been different
22:23this week
22:24but some things
22:25stay much the same
22:26of course
22:26such as the open
22:27sewer of misapprehension
22:29and confusion
22:30that we call
22:31general ignorance.
22:32So fingers on buzzers
22:33let's hold our noses
22:34and dive right in
22:35with the first question.
22:36What do Eskimos
22:37have 30 words for?
22:40Yes.
22:41Ice?
22:42Snow?
22:43Whoa!
22:44I'm afraid you've fallen
22:45like that.
22:46Snow?
22:47In Eskimo languages
22:48Huskies.
22:49No more than about
22:49four words for smell.
22:51Cheese?
22:51Spare?
22:52No.
22:53Perla bears.
22:54Not perla bears.
22:55It's very surprising.
22:56It's very grammatical.
22:57You'll probably go
22:57boo.
22:58Farting.
22:59No.
22:59Grammatical.
23:00We have only four words
23:01for this in English.
23:02They have 32.
23:04You're going to hate me
23:04when I say
23:06demonstrative pronouns.
23:07You see,
23:08look at you.
23:11If we want to indicate,
23:13we want to demonstrate
23:13something,
23:14we can say
23:14this or that
23:16or the plural.
23:17We can say
23:18these or those.
23:20They have 32.
23:21They have
23:22the thing that's up there,
23:24the thing that's in there,
23:25the thing that's under there.
23:27All is one word.
23:28What is the word?
23:29Well, there are 32.
23:30That's the point.
23:31What are they all then?
23:31Well, right, okay.
23:33Can you do it
23:34as if Babbage
23:35was an Eskimo?
23:37It's a nerdy,
23:39a nerdy in which
23:40speaking in Aleutian
23:42would say
23:43which means
23:44that one
23:45high up there
23:47or
23:48that one
23:49in there
23:50as in a house
23:51or
23:52which is a very good one
23:53which means
23:53this one
23:54that we can't see.
23:57Like,
23:58it could be
23:59smelt or heard,
24:01you know.
24:01We'd say,
24:02well, that one
24:02that we heard
24:03we'd have to say
24:03in English.
24:04We'd have to use
24:04four or five words.
24:05They would just go
24:07which is interesting
24:08for snow.
24:09They have lots of words
24:09for snow as well
24:10though, don't they?
24:10No.
24:10Only four.
24:12To snow?
24:13Yeah, four.
24:13We've got four words.
24:14Exactly, we've got
24:15at least four.
24:15Sort of powder
24:16and all kind of slush.
24:17It's a complete myth,
24:19this idea that they
24:19have lots of words
24:20for snow.
24:21So, what does
24:21the moon smell like?
24:24Yes, Jo.
24:25Does it smell
24:26of Buzz Aldrin's
24:27underpants?
24:30It might.
24:31Did he crack himself
24:31there and bury some?
24:32Well, one of them
24:33obviously did,
24:34didn't they?
24:35Wouldn't you?
24:35Crack himself there
24:36and bury some?
24:38I didn't know
24:39as a child.
24:39I've pooed in my pants
24:41and buried them
24:41in the garden.
24:44But when I went back
24:45to check on them
24:46a few weeks later
24:47they've gone.
24:51They could have sold them.
24:53People advertise
24:54dirty underpants
24:55in the backs of magazines.
24:57Not in the Spectator
24:58they don't.
25:00That's all I can say.
25:03What's the moon
25:03smell of?
25:04Cheese.
25:05Oh, Jo,
25:06you are sweet.
25:09I thought that was
25:09hanging over us.
25:10It was hanging over us.
25:11Get some points
25:12about if you know
25:12how many humans
25:13have walked on the moon.
25:14Twelve.
25:15Absolutely.
25:16You both said
25:17it simultaneously
25:17and you both get
25:18five points.
25:19Dimitris, I guessed.
25:24Well, we're honest
25:25to get the points.
25:26Anyway,
25:27apparently smells
25:27of gunpowder.
25:28Lots of moon dust
25:30came back
25:30in the module
25:31back to earth
25:32and it's that mixture
25:32of silicon
25:33and iron
25:33and magnesium
25:34and calcium
25:35that marks out
25:36special K
25:36amongst other things
25:37I think
25:37but is also
25:39present in moon dust.
25:40What's it taste of?
25:42Wendleydale.
25:45Perhaps you can
25:46redeem yourself
25:47with this one.
25:47What was Gandhi's
25:48first name?
25:53Oh, Jeffrey,
25:54wasn't it?
25:54Jeffrey wasn't Jeffrey.
25:56I don't know.
25:57Indira Gandhi,
25:58that was his
25:58granddaughter,
25:59was it?
25:59No,
26:00they weren't related.
26:00She was Neru's.
26:01Oh,
26:02she's not even
26:02related to it?
26:03No.
26:03Well,
26:04at least you've
26:04avoided our trap
26:05and not saying
26:05Mahatma.
26:06That's not a name
26:07because it's
26:08not a name.
26:08Do you know
26:09what Mahatma
26:09means?
26:10It means
26:10can I have
26:11my hat
26:11please,
26:11mother?
26:16Funny enough,
26:18W.C. Fields
26:18almost got there
26:19before you
26:20because he
26:20wrote one
26:20of his films
26:21under the
26:21pseudonym
26:22of Mahatma
26:22Cain
26:24Jeeves,
26:24as in
26:25Mahatma
26:25Cain
26:25Jeeves.
26:28So,
26:28there you are.
26:29It means
26:29great soul
26:30in Sanskrit
26:31and it was
26:32the title
26:32awarded him
26:33by a follower.
26:34It was
26:34early as
26:341915
26:35he was
26:35called that.
26:36Was it
26:36Andy?
26:37It was
26:38Andy Gandy.
26:41I would have
26:42had a Randy
26:43Gandy.
26:44you said
26:44Randy Gandy,
26:45didn't you?
26:46Oh,
26:46isn't it?
26:53I think
26:56we had decided
26:57it was
26:57minus 150
26:58for anyone
26:58who said
26:59Randy
27:01Randy Gandy.
27:02No,
27:02it was actually
27:02Mohandas K.
27:04Gandy,
27:04the K standing
27:05for Cameroun.
27:06Which brings us
27:07to the little
27:07matter of the
27:07scores.
27:08Look at this.
27:09We have a
27:10clear winner
27:10in Dara O'Bream
27:11with three points.
27:15In second place,
27:17only his first
27:18visit to our
27:19little studio
27:20studio with
27:20minus 8,
27:21Julian Clary.
27:25In third place
27:26with minus 16,
27:28Joe Brand.
27:32But our loser,
27:33or I should say,
27:35are differently
27:35first
27:39with minus
27:40144,
27:41Alan Davis.
27:50From
27:51Julian Dara,
27:52Joe,
27:53Alan and me,
27:53that's it for now.
27:54Come back next week
27:55for more of the same,
27:55if not more of the sane,
27:57for as Salvador Dali
27:58said,
27:58the only difference
27:59between me
27:59and a madman
28:00is that I'm not mad.
28:02Good night.
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