- 1 day ago
First broadcast 10th December 2004.
Stephen Fry
Alan Davies
Linda Smith
Sean Lock
Mark Gatiss
Stephen Fry
Alan Davies
Linda Smith
Sean Lock
Mark Gatiss
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:00Well, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello.
00:04And welcome to QI, the show that puts a song in your heart,
00:08a tune on your lips and a hum in your pyjamas.
00:10Joining me for tonight's special music edition are
00:13Sean Locke, Mark Gatiss, Linda Smith and Alan Davis.
00:20So, let's tune up, ladies and gentlemen, please.
00:23See how you're sounding.
00:24Sean goes...
00:27Mark goes...
00:30Linda goes...
00:34And Alan goes...
00:43Well done. Very good. Excellent.
00:46First question this evening is,
00:48what kind of music do snakes like the best?
00:52What do they find most charming?
00:56Mark.
00:57Kraftwerk.
01:00Really vicious German electro-pop.
01:04Imagine those fakirs playing it...
01:07Those what, excuse me?
01:07Fakirs.
01:08Oh, yes, right, fair enough.
01:10You're quite right, they are, all of them.
01:13Any extension?
01:15Thank you, sound department.
01:16And you say they like it?
01:18Not like they like it, they go out, they buy it,
01:20they put posters up on their baskets, they...
01:24Right, I see.
01:24When you say like...
01:27Well...
01:31Yeah, probably.
01:32Just a second.
01:35Go to heavens.
01:36It works.
01:38Oh.
01:39The hood right back, ready to pounce.
01:43Erm...
01:43That was like...
01:44X-rated A and half hot mum, that.
01:46It was rather.
01:47Well, no, the oddity is actually that snakes don't respond to the music at all.
01:52They don't, they can't.
01:52It's simply the sight of it.
01:53Oh.
01:53They just like the sight of it.
01:54Yeah, because if you do it without playing the music...
01:56They don't respond to music.
01:58You're right.
01:58You're quite right.
01:59So you could be doing that on anything?
02:01Yeah, or just making no noise at all, and it would still sway backwards and forwards
02:05and look mesmerised.
02:06Ears.
02:07You're sort of right.
02:08Until recently, that was exactly what was thought, because they don't appear to have it,
02:10but in fact, when you go inside, they've now discovered they do have otic nerves
02:14and a whole system which responds electrically to sound.
02:17Is that snake alive, or is it...
02:19Model one.
02:20I think it's actually a dinner, it's a snake in a basket.
02:24I think it's just come back from holiday in Spain and bought one of those donkeys,
02:27those straw donkeys.
02:30When I was a kid, there was a rattlesnake on TV every week.
02:36Every week, in something, there was always a rattlesnake.
02:39And nowadays, there's never a rattlesnake on TV.
02:44It was like a big thing in the 70s.
02:45Well, you didn't even see one, you just heard one, didn't you?
02:47You just heard one.
02:47It was the most terrifying noise of my childhood.
02:50And I grew up in Loughton.
02:53Good.
02:53Well, there you are, that's the point, isn't it?
02:55Snakes and hearing.
02:56Now, onto a nursery rhyme.
02:57The nursery rhyme says,
02:58Hey diddle diddle, the cat and the fiddle.
03:00What have cats got to do with violins?
03:03Cat gut?
03:06Oh, dear.
03:07Oh, dear, oh, dear.
03:08It's not that, then.
03:10Not that.
03:11No.
03:12In fact, his cat gut has never got into the making of violins.
03:14It was a myth that was put about by the string makers.
03:17By the string makers.
03:22It was considered very unlucky to kill a cat in medieval times.
03:25They admitted they had a sheep gut, and the people of...
03:29Sheep really get it all.
03:30Don't they?
03:31They've got low self-esteem, I think.
03:34They allow themselves to be bullied.
03:36They do allow themselves to be bullied.
03:38In Australia, they discovered that sheep possess morphic knowledge.
03:41They found that sheep managed to get across the cattle grids by lying on their backs, holding their legs up
03:46and rolling across them.
03:47Because they were like a little furry ball.
03:49And sheep were doing it almost at the same time on a completely, you know, thousands of miles away on
03:53the other side of Australia.
03:54But that's it.
03:55People don't know.
03:56That's why it's called morphic resonance or morphic knowledge.
03:58It started with tits.
04:00Blue tits seemed to discover in different parts of Britain to peck open the silver top of a milk bottle
04:04within a week of each other in Scotland and in England without any tit having done it before.
04:09And they were too far away from each other to have communicated.
04:12And this theory arose of what's called, as Sean said, morphic resonance.
04:16Cats and violins.
04:17Oh, cats and violins, yes.
04:18The people who had the monopoly, as it were, put it about that was made of cat guts, knowing that
04:22their rivals would never dare kill cats.
04:24And they wanted to kind of keep it secret.
04:25The same families have run violin string making for over 600 years.
04:30And now, of course, there's nylon and steel added.
04:32Though people still say the old sheep gut is still the best.
04:35I thought it was the same to do with the cat's penis.
04:38Did you?
04:39Isn't it a strange shape, like the shape of a violin or something like that?
04:42Is it a really strange shape?
04:43No, it's the shape.
04:44It's the shape of a violin.
04:45What would be the shape of a female's orifice in order to have to see a violin case?
04:55Isn't it, isn't it, haven't they got a really strange shape?
04:57Because that's why they scream so, you know, they screech so loudly when they're...
05:00A cat's penises are barbed and have a bone in them.
05:02So, yes, they are an unusual shape.
05:04Yeah, they've got a bone, that was it.
05:06Yeah.
05:06Cats can choke on small bones.
05:11So, you wouldn't want to fiddle with them and that's the connection with the violin.
05:14There we are.
05:15Thank you very much.
05:16Good.
05:16Right.
05:17There we are.
05:19Now, we're still musical as we hope to be all evening.
05:22Now, what kind of music do spiders like?
05:24Well, I reckon, they've got eight legs, they'd appreciate a one-man band.
05:30You know, that chicka-chicka-ching, doom-tom, boom, boom, boom.
05:34No, they'd appreciate that all-round entertainer.
05:39Etc.
05:40Can't even know.
05:41What is that?
05:42Spinning around.
05:43Oh, spinning around, very good.
05:44You could have said Andrew Lloyd Webber, I suppose.
05:47Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
05:47Actually, on a similar note, might it be Cliff Richards?
05:50What is that?
05:50Because his real name, Cliff Richard rather, I beg your pardon.
05:53Web.
05:53It is.
05:55Oh, yeah.
05:55Marty Web.
05:56Marty Web.
05:57It's all just, isn't it?
05:58But I don't think spiders are that into puns.
06:02I think they like flies, stuff like that, cheese.
06:06I'll tell you an interesting fact about spiders.
06:08The huntsman spider, which, well, one little fact that everyone knows,
06:12doesn't actually build a web, is the only spider with lungs.
06:15Oh, I like that.
06:16So you can get it a birthday cake with a candle on it.
06:21What a sweet thing to think of.
06:23What a nice way of thinking.
06:26What do spiders do to flies?
06:28They wrap them up in web, like in Lord of the Rings.
06:31Yeah.
06:32Like silk.
06:32And then take them off, wait until they've softened up a bit,
06:35and then they eat them.
06:37Well, that's the other thing, they don't eat them, they drink them.
06:39They drink them.
06:40Because they squirt them with acid that dissolves them into a sort of...
06:43Flies, when they land on your food, they immediately vomit on it.
06:47Mm.
06:48And then they tread about on it, like that.
06:51Get it all mushy, and then they digest that.
06:54That's quite rude, isn't it?
06:55It is.
06:56And they listen with their feet.
06:58They hold their eight feet.
06:59I hear you coming.
06:59And they have a penis on their head.
07:01Oh.
07:02That's on the end of a little fever.
07:03That's where their mating organ is, the males.
07:05They're just a mess, aren't they?
07:06Exactly.
07:07They're all dickheads.
07:11They have eight eyes as well, most of them.
07:14Spiders have eight eyes and eight legs.
07:15Yes, yeah.
07:16Well, the answer to this question is, it does seem to be classical music, because they did
07:20an experiment, and they found that in the university...
07:23Who are they?
07:24University of Ohio, in this instance, is they, or are they...
07:27The University of F*** All Else Betts.
07:29Ah, well, no.
07:31Formerly the Polytechnic of F*** All Else Betts.
07:45...as possible.
07:46And for classical music, close to them.
07:48Some are very close to me.
07:49Tell me about a music called Tesco.
07:50Do you know about that?
07:51No.
07:51It's a blend of disco and techno.
07:54That's well sweet.
07:54That is Tesco.
07:55And they have Tesco evenings in certain nightclubs.
07:58Really?
07:58That's a type of modern young person's dance music, like Two Step UK Garage, for example,
08:03which is my particular favourite.
08:05These would be nightclubs right on the edge of town.
08:08Oh, yeah.
08:09On the edge of town, Penny Parking.
08:13Another bizarre experiment on spiders, and this I think will fascinate you, was conducted
08:16by NASA.
08:17Really extraordinary experiment in 1995 to see how spiders reacted to drugs.
08:22So behind you are some of the results.
08:24We have two webs, one produced on LSD, one produced on caffeine.
08:29You have to match the drug to the web.
08:31I bet the worst one is caffeine, on the right there.
08:34That's what you reckon?
08:35Yeah.
08:36The other one looks like a bullet through glass on Calum.
08:38Yeah, absolutely right.
08:39The extraordinary thing, and nobody understands why, is that when you give them LSD, they make
08:43even more geometrically perfect webs than they do in nature.
08:46It's absolutely perfect.
08:48Do they see spiders everywhere?
08:49Well, they see humans probably, don't they?
08:50Oh, it was a bad trip.
08:51I saw humans floating in front of my eyes.
08:55And that jangled mess on the right is caffeine, the world's most popular drug.
08:5980% of all human beings take caffeine at least once a day.
09:02There's an exhibition at the British Museum at the moment, and it's about healthy living
09:07or life and things we do to ourselves.
09:08And there's an exhibit with 14,000 pills in it, all sewn into a big mesh, to represent
09:16the pills that an average first world person takes in their life.
09:20That would last my nan about a week.
09:22No!
09:24Not content with that, we kind of push our gear on spiders for some extraordinary reason.
09:29Yeah, you try it now.
09:30We don't want coffee.
09:31Try it, have it.
09:31We want to see what you do.
09:32We want to see what you do.
09:33Oh!
09:34Yeah, look, you're weird.
09:36Thanks.
09:36There would be a lot of loud laughing flies if they saw that.
09:40Oh, it just flies straight through it.
09:41It's great.
09:43But we have another one for you, and you have to guess the drug.
09:45Let's have a look at this next one.
09:46There we are.
09:47What would that be as a result of?
09:49Lager.
09:52Any other thoughts?
09:54Marijuana.
09:54Marijuana.
09:55Marijuana is the right answer.
09:57Mary Jane, or cannabis, or whatever you like to call it.
10:00Because I couldn't be arsed to finish it.
10:02Exactly.
10:03Good.
10:04Now, listen to this piece of music by the mamas and the papas.
10:10Monday, Monday.
10:13So good to me.
10:18Monday, morning.
10:20Lovely.
10:20That, as I say, is the sound of Monday, Monday by the mamas and the papas.
10:25But what colour would you say Monday is?
10:29Yes.
10:30Blue.
10:31Blue.
10:31Because of what?
10:32Because it makes me think of blue.
10:34No, well, that's right.
10:34Most people, if they think of days of the week, assign a colour to them, not assign mum.
10:38Wednesday is kind of green, Thursday is brown, Friday is black.
10:42Oh, you see, Friday is dark blue to me, and Thursday is sort of orange, red.
10:45Tuesday is maybe yellow.
10:47I have yellow.
10:47Saturday is red.
10:48Yeah.
10:49Sunday is sort of bluey, purple.
10:51Yes.
10:51Monday is white to me for some reason, but there you are.
10:53Have you done a spider experiment?
10:56That's a useful.
10:57Have you not done, do you not have any sense of colour when you think of colour?
10:59No, I would say, Monday, I think of a period of time which has to be endured until Tuesday
11:04comes along.
11:05Yes.
11:06Don't, don't expect the Pope laureateship to be handed to you on occasion.
11:10It's a little bit little.
11:10If Monday makes you think of blue, does blue make you think of Monday?
11:14It makes me think of mould.
11:16Yeah.
11:16And it's...
11:18What, blue?
11:19It's not thought, either.
11:21I mean, that's to say, it's not thought in the sense of rational analysis.
11:24It's as if you see the colour in your head.
11:26Well, we'll move on to this because I'll play you a chord of music, like so.
11:33Which some of you with perfect pitch might know as D major.
11:36DF sharp.
11:37Lime green I had there.
11:39You had lime green?
11:40Anybody else had a cover?
11:43No.
11:44No?
11:44No.
11:45Tell you what I heard, I heard a sound.
11:47I was just thinking...
11:48Yes.
11:48I know.
11:49I know.
11:49We do...
11:50Anyone hear a sound?
11:53Anyone?
11:54Or just me?
11:54Please, go on, run again.
11:56I just...
11:56I just thought of also a sound man going, yes.
12:00It's true.
12:00Because you've really done well.
12:01Let's try it again.
12:02Phew.
12:03He's good, isn't he?
12:04He's just going, ah, ah, ah.
12:06I'm a bass.
12:07Yeah.
12:08He's very good.
12:10Yeah.
12:10He's great.
12:11A round of applause.
12:15Did you really do it for me?
12:16Go on.
12:17See.
12:18Yes.
12:18With one finger as well.
12:22I wonder if you do it for me.
12:23Move on the scale.
12:23Move on the scale.
12:25Hey.
12:26No.
12:27The fact is, there is this condition that is synesthesia, which is quite common in which
12:31people genuinely see a colour when they hear sounds.
12:34Rimsky-Korsakov, for example, saw that D major chord.
12:37Boing.
12:38Oh.
12:39Boing.
12:40So there's Rimsky-Korsakov.
12:41He saw it as a glorious sunny yellow.
12:44A list would say to orchestras and completely baffle them.
12:47No, no, no, please, gentlemen.
12:49Bluer.
12:49Bluer.
12:50Julian Asher, who's a neuroscientist, who also has synesthesia.
12:52He tried to explain it because he had it as a child.
12:54And he used to get taken to concerts by his parents.
12:57And he always used to assume that the lights went down before the concert.
13:00So that you could see the colours better as they came off the orchestra.
13:02He just always assumed that.
13:04Because he assumed, as he would, that everybody had the same experience.
13:06That when they heard music, they saw colours right in front of them.
13:10For real.
13:11And Rimsky-Korsakov wrote down what he saw.
13:13And so we're going up from F.
13:14We have E major.
13:17And that, for him, was bright blue.
13:19And F major.
13:21Red.
13:22Ah, bright green for him.
13:24But this, interesting, E flat major.
13:28Magnolia.
13:29Miserable grey for him.
13:30Well, isn't that interesting?
13:31Because it's a very, very common indeed, E flat major for singers.
13:34It's their most common call.
13:35It's quite odd, that photograph.
13:36Because it's not like he's posed for it.
13:38It's not full on.
13:38It's like he's coming out of somewhere.
13:40Yeah.
13:40And someone's taking a sort of Victorian paparazzi snap of him.
13:43It's probably CT camera, isn't it?
13:45Victorian CT camera.
13:47CT camera.
13:48Moving on.
13:50Moving on.
13:51Moving on.
13:52Now, in 1988, ladies and gentlemen.
13:55In 1988, Warner Communications, as then was.
13:59Pay John F. Zengstack $28 million for the rights to a single song.
14:06I just want to know what it was.
14:081988.
14:09Yes.
14:10A bit pricey.
14:13It was.
14:14It was.
14:14They reckon they'll do very well out of it.
14:15National Anthem.
14:17It was not National Anthem.
14:18It was not a copyright.
14:18Yes.
14:20Was it the theme to Button Moon?
14:23That's a lovely idea.
14:25It wasn't that.
14:26Okie cokey.
14:27Happy birthday.
14:28Ah, thank you very much, Mark Gaties.
14:30It was indeed happy birthday to you.
14:31Yeah.
14:32Which was composed in 1924 by a couple of old biddies.
14:36$28 million.
14:37$28 million.
14:38They make about $2 million a year out of it.
14:39What do the people sing in 1923, for goodness sake?
14:43They brought the cake out, everyone just stood about in a slightly awkward silence.
14:49Which is infinitely preferable than having that bloody song sung at you, I know.
14:52You're older.
14:53You're older.
14:54You're older.
14:55You're older.
14:56Yeah, it was written by these two old things, and Irving Berlin included it with the words
15:00Happy Birthday to You, which they didn't write.
15:02Nobody knows who did write those.
15:03He included it in a 1933 musical, so they sued and won and retained the copyright.
15:08In theory, if you sing it in a restaurant, you owe Warner Brothers money because it counts as a public
15:12place.
15:12You'd have to be very honest to sign them up and go,
15:15Oh, it was your birthday, Oscar.
15:17How much do I owe you?
15:20And I hummed a few bars and let it be as well.
15:25Happy Birthday was the first song to be sung in outer space from the Apollo 9 crew.
15:29Do you know what the original song was written as, what the lyrics were?
15:31They weren't Happy Birthday to You, as I said.
15:32It was a Death Row song.
15:35You won't be alive tomorrow.
15:36Death Row.
15:39Yeah.
15:40Don't bother me keen your bed.
15:44A really, really good idea for Ainsley Harriot would be Ainsley's Death Row dinners.
15:50What do you think?
15:52Because it's so jolly.
15:54Originally, it was written as a teacher's song to sing to their class,
15:57Good Morning to All, it was called.
15:59Then it became Good Morning to You, and then Happy Birthday to You.
16:02That's its history.
16:04Anyway, what was the most disastrous composition of the man who gave the world the Wombling song,
16:09Remember You're a Womble, Wombling Free, Wombling in the Rain,
16:12and Nonstop Wombling Summer Party, whose name, as you rightly say, is Mike That.
16:16All of them.
16:18But one of them was particularly and rather amazingly disastrous.
16:22Not one of those I've mentioned.
16:25Was it the Wombling F*** Party?
16:29It was actually a financial disaster.
16:31Free Myra Hindley.
16:38Free Myra Hindley.
16:40Didn't take that.
16:43Free Myra Hindley.
16:44Come on!
16:46Whoa.
16:47No, he didn't go that far.
16:48No, it was on an album.
16:49He had a track which lasted a minute, and it was complete silence.
16:53Oh, yes.
16:54It was called Minute Silence.
16:55And he was sued by who would sue him?
16:57The Cage.
16:58John Cage.
16:58John Cage, exactly.
16:59Author of 4 Minutes 33 Seconds, the famous 1952 composition of Complete Silence.
17:04What a load of rubbish.
17:06But there are two reasons why we shouldn't feel sorry for Mike Batt.
17:08One is he actually put one minute silence, Batt oblique stroke, Cage.
17:14And the second reason is he wrote the campaign song from William Hague's 97 campaign.
17:20So, whatever shit is flung at him.
17:23I had one of the best ever links done on radio was done by Dale Winton on his Radio 2
17:28show.
17:29And he played Watership, you know, Bright Eyes, which Mike Batt wrote.
17:33You know, Bright Eyes, Burning Light.
17:34Yes, indeed.
17:35And he got to the end of it.
17:36He got to the end of it, and he goes, listen to that.
17:38He said, a song about a rabbit ridden by a bat.
17:43I saw that.
17:44Well, he is the guffman.
17:46He is the guffman.
17:47I saw the Wombles.
17:50They were actually men dressed as Wombles, so they were enormous.
17:54It was one of the most frightening things of my entire childhood.
17:57Freak you out.
17:58They towered over children who'd come to see little cute Wombles who'd gathered litter and lived in a burrow.
18:04Loomed over them.
18:06Was it Christmas?
18:07Because all the dwarves are booked up round that time.
18:10Two actor friends of mine were in this, like a pantomime version of The Wind in the Willows.
18:15And one was the badger, and one was Toad.
18:19And they didn't really get on, they were getting on quite badly.
18:21So, obviously, there's quite a long section of the show where Badger is nagging Toad, you know, to change his
18:27ways.
18:27And one day, my friend who was the Toad just got really, really drunk, and he turned up for the
18:32afternoon show.
18:33And Badger started telling him off and saying, you've got to mend your ways.
18:36And he just said, you f*** off, you stripy bastard.
18:42Are the children still in therapy?
18:48Anyway, here's an interesting question as well.
18:50What was unique about Good Friday, 1930, that urgently required ten minutes of light piano music?
18:57Did Jesus come back, change his mind, and they had to fill in?
19:01No.
19:02It was a news program, but instead of news, they played ten minutes light music.
19:06Why would that be?
19:07Because something had happened?
19:08Quite the opposite.
19:09Nothing had happened.
19:10Nothing had happened.
19:11No news today.
19:12An announcer said, no, ladies and gentlemen, there's no news tonight, so here is some music.
19:17Absolutely true.
19:18Absolutely true.
19:23There was no news?
19:25Nothing.
19:25Well, in fact, we've tried to check what did happen, and aside from football matches, in India there was the
19:30start of what was called the Chittagong Rebellion,
19:32which 700 News attacked the Telegraph Office and disconnected all communications in the city of Chittagong,
19:37but that didn't happen until ten o'clock, it was too late for the news in London.
19:41So there was no news, it seems.
19:42They probably didn't have traffic reports.
19:45They wouldn't have had traffic reports.
19:46And here we go live to the camera at Hangar Lane.
19:47Yeah.
19:48And there's a bloke on a bike.
19:52Of course I wouldn't give you much chance of getting home before six o'clock, and that's a fact.
19:56Yes, that's right.
19:57You'd better call up your maiden butler and tell them to put something in the oven.
20:02Yeah.
20:03Well, but that's a joke.
20:04I mean, local papers have to deal with no news every week.
20:06They still write the paper every week.
20:09Yes.
20:09My favourite ever, when I used to live in Sheffield, the Sheffield Star, it was my favourite ever headline.
20:13Worksop Man dies of natural causes.
20:19Fantastic.
20:20Oh, that's bliss.
20:21But what about the story of the giant microphones invading the BBC?
20:26It's worth a bit.
20:27It's terrifying.
20:28They were hushing that one up.
20:30The incredible shrinking announcer.
20:33Now, prepare to lose composure, because it's general ignorance, so fingers on mothers.
20:38What is this?
20:40Tap music.
20:42Tap music.
20:43Yeah.
20:43Very close.
20:44It looks like taps, doesn't it?
20:45Yes, it does.
20:46By a weird accident, you're right.
20:50Inasmuch as it is, it's a dance notation.
20:53Ah.
20:53It's known as the Benesh movement notation, which was invented in the 1950s by Mr Benesh, who was an accountant
20:59and very talented artist and musician, and his wife was a ballet dancer, and it shows the choreography of a
21:04particular dance.
21:04So, can you work out what it is? It sort of represents...
21:07Is that legs, then?
21:08Oh, I assume.
21:09Oh, body's changing.
21:10Yes.
21:10The okey-cokey.
21:11It is the okey-cokey.
21:13Well done.
21:14And there are legs going in and out.
21:16Exactly.
21:17There was an American version of the dance was a man called Larry Laprise, and he died in 1996.
21:21What happened at his funeral?
21:22Oh, they couldn't get me in the coffin.
21:24What's that?
21:25They put the left leg in.
21:28Then the trouble's starting.
21:29Right.
21:30Very nice.
21:30Exactly.
21:32Mr Fry, can I do me some?
21:36Bring back variety, yes?
21:39Now, next question.
21:41What was the first invention to break the sound barrier?
21:45May West Vibrator.
21:51How fast did you put it in?
21:54I need an answer, not a question.
22:00More steam!
22:03They've got coal, they're shoveling it in.
22:09At the back of temperature, three.
22:12So, yeah.
22:13She had a giant rubber band, a six foot wide, and ten men twisting it round.
22:19Dear me.
22:21Cannonball, musket fire, catapults.
22:24Whoa, hello.
22:25Ooh!
22:26Not the cannonball.
22:27I spelled it wrong, I spelled it wrong, points to me.
22:31No, they haven't.
22:32You'd prefer three ends, would you?
22:34There's two ends in canon, isn't there?
22:36Three, I would have thought.
22:37Yeah, well, one on the end, but in the middle.
22:39In the middle, too, yes.
22:40Otherwise, it's a ball of religion.
22:43We thought it might be...
22:44Exactly.
22:45We thought it was Bobby and Tommy, you know.
22:48Hey!
22:49Hey!
22:50You're looking at me!
22:52You're looking at me!
22:54Stop looking!
22:56Alice McGowan, watch out!
22:59Hey.
23:01Not a cannonball, then?
23:02No, not a cannonball.
23:03It's 7,000 years old, the earliest we've found,
23:06and in China it was invented,
23:08a very common thing in all cultures there.
23:10Harrison Ford uses it extensively.
23:12A whip.
23:13Firework.
23:14Not a firework.
23:15A whip is the right answer.
23:17What?
23:17A whip.
23:18The sound of the whip cracking is not leather-hitting leather.
23:20It is a sonic boom, a mini-sonic boom,
23:23where it makes a loop,
23:25and as it tapers towards the end,
23:26it gets faster and faster,
23:27it gets up to 724 miles per hour.
23:29Yeah, sir.
23:30We only discovered this, as humans only discovered it,
23:33when we were able to use high-speed cameras
23:35to see it all slowed down
23:36and see that the leather wasn't hitting itself
23:38and it wasn't the noise at all.
23:40But, Professor, that's fantastic!
23:42Isn't it?
23:43It's great news.
23:45Well, on the subject of sounds,
23:47when you listen to the waves in a seashell,
23:49what are you actually hearing?
23:53Yes.
23:53Nine times out of ten,
23:55Nora Jones.
23:58Nora Jones?
23:58What do you mean?
23:59What is the sound you hear when you do that?
24:01Well, you're hearing the sea.
24:04Why would that be in the jury?
24:06Are you right?
24:06You're on the beach, aren't you?
24:08No, you've been asking me to the zoo.
24:09You don't hear...
24:10You still hear that same noise.
24:11Yeah, I've never done it anywhere away from the seashell.
24:14You strike it with a mug.
24:15It's the pounding of your blood in your eardrums.
24:17Oh, dear!
24:19No, not that noisy.
24:21No.
24:22Who's that girl, though,
24:23who's got the seashell on her ear?
24:25Oh, she looks like she failed the magnum advert.
24:28They said,
24:29No, lick it, you silly bitch!
24:37They're awfully rude, aren't they?
24:40You just get a rushing sound,
24:43like, what would that be?
24:45It's...
24:45Air?
24:45Yeah, noise airflow resonating
24:47inside it.
24:48It works with a mug or a cup or something.
24:50Of course, if you hold a shell suit to your ear,
24:51you can hear Romford.
24:56That is weird.
24:58There we are.
24:59Now, who wrote the tune for Alan's Buzzer?
25:05Prince Edward.
25:07Who's that?
25:08Oh, blimey, it's me.
25:10Is that two of Anne Robinson's daughters?
25:13LAUGHTER
25:17You see now how they get the idea for me?
25:20You look at the slinky, don't you?
25:21LAUGHTER
25:22I bet there's a clown somewhere panicking, going,
25:24Jesus Christ.
25:27LAUGHTER
25:27It's about five minutes of show time,
25:28he's going,
25:29Oh!
25:30LAUGHTER
25:30Why is it not so springy now?
25:32You're not eating so many cheesy what's-its.
25:35LAUGHTER
25:36There's also looking a bit ginger there, aren't you?
25:39He looks like the new Anne Robinson, have you seen her?
25:41The new Anne?
25:42Oh, yes.
25:42She's regenerated.
25:43She has been so young.
25:45LAUGHTER
25:45A beautiful new lady.
25:47It's extraordinary.
25:48She looks like a Siamese cat walking into a storm.
25:52LAUGHTER
25:53LAUGHTER
25:53What was the tune again?
25:55It was what we would call Twinkle Twinkle Little Star.
25:58LAUGHTER
26:01He didn't do that last time.
26:03LAUGHTER
26:05LAUGHTER
26:06No, Mozart wrote an extraordinary series of variations on the tune.
26:14At the age of five, very beautiful variations indeed.
26:17Bloody Mozart, special needs boy.
26:22And now, let's get to the scores.
26:25And it's rather a dissonant quartet here, my goodness me.
26:27Well, look, we're going to have to do it in first to last.
26:30Our winner, very tunefully, is Linda,
26:32with two massive and tuneful points.
26:34APPLAUSE
26:40And Mark managed a perfectly respectful and harmonic
26:44minus four.
26:46APPLAUSE
26:50And Sean was not quite so on song with minus eight.
26:55APPLAUSE
26:57And, as usual, I'm sorry to say,
27:01Alan managed an absolutely astounding,
27:05caterwauling mess of a ruin of a sound which was minus 13.
27:09Congratulations.
27:11APPLAUSE
27:13Well...
27:14APPLAUSE
27:17That's all from QI for this week.
27:19A big hand, please, for our singers,
27:21Sean, Mark, Linda and Alan.
27:25And we leave you with his famous musical memento,
27:27the observation of the conductor Sir Thomas Beecham
27:29to a lady cellist.
27:30Madam, you have between your legs
27:32an instrument capable of giving pleasure to thousands,
27:35and all you can do is scratch it.
27:37Good night.
27:38LAUGHTER
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