#TheGrandTour #OneForTheRoad #ClarksonHammondMay #FinalLap #ZimbabweSpecial
After 22 years of automotive mayhem, the trio—Jeremy Clarkson, Richard Hammond, and James May—have reached the end of the road. In their final special, "One For The Road," they head to Zimbabwe in three cars they’ve always wanted to own: a Lancia Montecarlo, a Ford Capri, and a Triumph Stag. We dive into the most emotional moments, the stunning African landscapes, and the legacy left behind by the men who changed car television forever. Goodbye to the best car show in the world.
#AmazonPrime #CarReview #JeremyClarkson #RichardHammond #JamesMay #AutomotiveHistory
After 22 years of automotive mayhem, the trio—Jeremy Clarkson, Richard Hammond, and James May—have reached the end of the road. In their final special, "One For The Road," they head to Zimbabwe in three cars they’ve always wanted to own: a Lancia Montecarlo, a Ford Capri, and a Triumph Stag. We dive into the most emotional moments, the stunning African landscapes, and the legacy left behind by the men who changed car television forever. Goodbye to the best car show in the world.
#AmazonPrime #CarReview #JeremyClarkson #RichardHammond #JamesMay #AutomotiveHistory
Category
🚗
MotorTranscript
00:01:08Thank you, thank you.
00:01:12Thank you, thank you.
00:01:13Thank you, everybody.
00:01:16And welcome, and thank you all for braving these treacherous conditions to get here.
00:01:21The air took me nearly nine minutes this morning.
00:01:24The slippers got all soggy on the way.
00:01:27Yes, I nearly fell over once, but I made it.
00:01:29And don't worry, because we have an incredible reward for you all.
00:01:32Because in this action-packed show...
00:01:36James wears a red anorak.
00:01:40Richard looks at a pipe of some sort.
00:01:44And I make a cup of tea.
00:01:51It is non-stop action.
00:01:54Non-stop.
00:01:55But we begin with mankind.
00:01:59Wow, big start.
00:02:00It is a big start.
00:02:01You see, the thing is, as a species, we are very pleased with ourselves.
00:02:04Because we have the Porsche 918 and the Ferrari the Ferrari.
00:02:09Cars that can travel at 212 miles an hour.
00:02:12An incredible speed.
00:02:13Whereas cows and ants...
00:02:15What are you going on about?
00:02:17Well, think about it, OK?
00:02:19A cow is exactly the same now as it was a million years ago.
00:02:23Well, maybe a bit more delicious now, but basically the same.
00:02:26It still stands around all day long in a field eating grass.
00:02:29Whereas we think that we've improved.
00:02:32But have we?
00:02:34Yes.
00:02:35Yeah, we have.
00:02:35Well, now, you say that, but we were travelling way more than 212 miles an hour in our cars 25
00:02:42years ago.
00:02:53This is the Jaguar XJ 220.
00:03:00And with a top speed of 270 miles an hour,
00:03:05it was the fastest car in the world.
00:03:09For about five minutes.
00:03:12And then, this came along.
00:03:18The 218 mile an hour, Bugatti EB110 Super Sports.
00:03:31Both these cars were conceived in the 80s,
00:03:34when Gordon Gekko was running amok and the world was awash with money.
00:03:41But by the time they went on sale in the early 90s...
00:03:44An incredible day on Wall Street.
00:03:46The market has fallen over 400 points.
00:03:48The stock market had crashed.
00:03:50Sorry, there's only one word to describe what's happening, and that is panic.
00:03:55So, the only people who might have bought them were too busy hurling themselves out of their office windows on
00:04:01Wall Street.
00:04:03So, these cars, they came, they conquered, and no one noticed.
00:04:10Today though, 25 years later, there are only three cars in current production that are faster than this.
00:04:20However, while there is a lot of performance, the way it's delivered is quite old fashioned.
00:04:27You put your foot down, and then you wait while the turbochargers spool up.
00:04:32It takes quite a while, because there are four of them.
00:04:41Talk about yourselves.
00:04:43However, when the three and a half litre V12 is finally getting all the food it needs...
00:04:51All hell breaks loose.
00:05:02To the corner.
00:05:06My old terror.
00:05:09The speed is hilarious.
00:05:15And terrifying.
00:05:19That's probably why they fitted it with this plastic sheet in, rather than carpets.
00:05:24Because they knew that one day, you would soil yourself.
00:05:30You did have to be good to get the best out of this thing.
00:05:35Which brings me on to Michael Schumacher.
00:05:37He could have had any car he wanted back in the day.
00:05:41But he had one of these.
00:05:44Weirdly, however, and mainly because I think it looks better, I'd have chosen the Jack.
00:06:01It was supposed to have been a four-wheel drive V12 like the Bugatti.
00:06:08But Jaguar found that much too complicated.
00:06:11So they gave it the turbocharged V6 from a metro rally car, rear-wheel drive, rear lights from a Rover
00:06:19200.
00:06:19And then they said, that'll do.
00:06:23Then went to the pub.
00:06:29So, does that mean the Jag is embarrassed by the Bugatti in a drag race?
00:06:39Right, before we do this, I have to tape the cassette player in place.
00:06:44Because the last time I did a full-bore standing start in an XJ220,
00:06:50the acceleration was so vivid, the stereo shot out of its slot in the dashboard,
00:06:56ricocheted off the gear lever and then speared into my left plumb.
00:07:01Very uncomfortable.
00:07:04Oh, the ends come off.
00:07:09That's good. Right, window up.
00:07:27Right, let's do this.
00:07:49You don't know what to change gear because the rev count is broken.
00:07:54You don't know what to change gear because the rev count is broken.
00:07:58This is close.
00:08:03Oh, my word!
00:08:09Score one for the Jag!
00:08:12Whoa!
00:08:14That was some speed!
00:08:17After a quarter of a mile, the badly made Jag was doing 135 miles an hour.
00:08:23And a modern day Lamborghini Huracan couldn't do that.
00:08:28Which proves that in the last 25 years, we've come nowhere.
00:08:33Except we have.
00:08:36You see, back in 92 and 93, there was no Wi-Fi.
00:08:41There was no PlayStation.
00:08:42DVD hadn't been invented.
00:08:44Justin Bieber hadn't been born.
00:08:47There was no Google. Amazon was a river.
00:08:50There was no internet pornography.
00:08:51That's probably a good thing because there was no Viagra either.
00:08:55The early 90s were the dark ages.
00:08:57And when you drive these cars, it shows.
00:09:10In here, there's no power steering.
00:09:14No air conditioning.
00:09:16No anti-lock brakes.
00:09:20And obviously, no driver aids of any kind.
00:09:27Oh, shit.
00:09:29We've got a 525 brake horsepower engine back there.
00:09:37Oh, shit.
00:09:41We're being fed by a turbocharger the size of a wheelie bin.
00:09:48And all there is in here to tame it is me!
00:10:00Oh, shit!
00:10:02Oh, shit!
00:10:08Oh, shit!
00:10:09After a couple of laps in this thing, you really are aching.
00:10:13And sweating.
00:10:15And you're frightened. You really are.
00:10:17Because this is not a car that's just going to forgive you.
00:10:21If you overdo it, you're going to hit a tree.
00:10:24And that's just an end of it.
00:10:25Oh, shit!
00:10:33Oh, shit!
00:10:38So, there we are.
00:10:42A modern supercar may be no faster than these monsters from the past, but a modern supercar
00:10:49makes the speed fun and easy, not terrifying and bathed in an unholy mix of sweat and faeces.
00:11:04Well done, because nobody's ever finished a road test with the word faeces before.
00:11:14No, that was a first, but I'm just thinking, it isn't just supercars that are getting slower,
00:11:19because you remember the Lotus Sunbeam, when was that, 1979, 78?
00:11:23Yeah.
00:11:23That did 0-60 in 6.6 seconds, and there aren't many hot hatches that would keep up with that
00:11:29even today.
00:11:30And then you've got trains, the Mallard, the steam trains, quicker than most electric trains, SR-71, Blackbird,
00:11:35nothing in the sky is as fast as that.
00:11:37I suppose if you think about it, we used to be able to get across the Atlantic in three hours,
00:11:40and now it takes us seven.
00:11:42Exactly. And now we must put some numbers on our argument by sending the Bugatti round the Ebola-drome.
00:11:51Come on, old timer.
00:11:54And she's off.
00:11:56A smooth start.
00:11:58A four-wheel drive system maintaining traction in these wet conditions.
00:12:03It really is soaking out there today.
00:12:06Right, a measured line through the first kerb and then carefully working the throttle to keep things in check.
00:12:13Approaching the sweep down to your name here and smoothly done.
00:12:19Freiki managing to get the tyres squealing even on this damp section and then winding up the little V-12
00:12:26to fire it back onto the Izzent.
00:12:30Single wiper batting away the drizzle as she hustles it towards the braking zone for the tricky old ladies' house
00:12:37complex.
00:12:37How will it get on here?
00:12:40Very neat.
00:12:42Very controlled.
00:12:44And now back on the gas for the run to substation.
00:12:47And you can hear the fizz from those four furiously spinning turbos.
00:12:52Keeping it together there nicely.
00:12:55Field of sheep to go.
00:12:56Glide through there and across the line.
00:13:04So let's see where it goes on the board.
00:13:07I'm imagining it pretty high up.
00:13:11That's not very fast.
00:13:12No, it isn't very fast.
00:13:14But we put the Jag round as well and that did it in.
00:13:17Hang on, I've got the time here, just bear with me.
00:13:201.35-1.
00:13:22So, slower than the Bugatti.
00:13:25Yes.
00:13:26Slower, in fact, than everything except a small, cheap Volkswagen hatchback,
00:13:30which also went round in the soaking wet.
00:13:33Yes.
00:13:35Contrary to what you were saying earlier on,
00:13:37supercars have got much faster over the last 25 years.
00:13:43Yes.
00:13:45Right, moving on,
00:13:47because now it's time to order some donuts of debate from the Chat Café.
00:13:53On Conversation Street.
00:13:55Oh, my God.
00:14:04Right, good.
00:14:05Now.
00:14:07You know the BMW Z4?
00:14:08Yes.
00:14:09The only car, incidentally, designed on the interior and the exterior by women, OK?
00:14:14Well, they're dropping it and replacing it with this.
00:14:17This has been designed by a man, so...
00:14:20Mm-hm.
00:14:20And where are you going with this one, James?
00:14:23So it won't be able to take its jumper off by folding its arms.
00:14:29No.
00:14:29What?
00:14:30What are you on about?
00:14:32Men can't take their jumpers off like women do.
00:14:34They're crossing their arms.
00:14:35What?
00:14:36I can do that.
00:14:37Well, you're not a man.
00:14:38Well, I take my jumper off.
00:14:41That's how you take a jumper off like that.
00:14:43You, you, how do you know?
00:14:45You just wait for the paramedics to come along, cut it off after you action.
00:14:49That's how you take a jumper off.
00:14:51I don't know what you're talking about.
00:14:52Take your jumper off.
00:14:53Just take your jumper off.
00:14:54Watch this.
00:14:55How do you take it off?
00:14:58There, you see?
00:14:59Like a man.
00:15:00He was about to do it.
00:15:00Do any women want to take their jumpers?
00:15:01Oh, no, we can't do that.
00:15:04Seriously, women, do you know what I'm on about?
00:15:06Yeah.
00:15:07Women cross...
00:15:08If I tried to do that, I'd dislocate my shoulder.
00:15:11Thank you for that nonsense, Jeremy.
00:15:13Can we maybe get back to the BMW now, which is a car?
00:15:16Yes, it is.
00:15:17Now, I have to say the old one was never as good to drive as it was to look at.
00:15:21No, not what you mean.
00:15:21No, it wasn't.
00:15:22It was sort of baggy, wasn't it?
00:15:23Yeah, and there was never an M version.
00:15:25You know, it was all just, like, unexciting.
00:15:27But I'm hoping this new one is as good to drive as it looks.
00:15:30And it does look very good, even though it will struggle when it's jumping.
00:15:33Yeah.
00:15:34Anyway, if I was looking for a new BMW Z4, actually, I'd have one of these,
00:15:40because this is the new Toyota Supra.
00:15:42I know, it looks phenomenal.
00:15:43And that underneath is basically a Z4, same engine and everything.
00:15:47Same chassis.
00:15:48It is a Z4, but with that body.
00:15:49And that body, I have to say, looks amazing.
00:15:51And do you know what the most amazing thing is?
00:15:53They're talking about a price between £40,000 and £60,000,
00:15:55which is much less than it looks like.
00:15:57See, I think that is actually filling a gap in the market.
00:16:00There is a need right now for a mid-prize sports car,
00:16:03because there really aren't many, if any.
00:16:05What is the Audi TTRS?
00:16:07Yeah, well, that will definitely take his jumper off like that, won't it?
00:16:09And then store it in the overhead lockers.
00:16:11Tell you where the doors are.
00:16:14Now, Volkswagen's US Head of Regulation, that was his job title,
00:16:17a guy called Oliver Schmidt,
00:16:18he's just been done for his part in Dieselgate, OK?
00:16:22And they've given him seven years in jail, or as he would put it, 4.2 years.
00:16:32And a fine of £400,000, or whatever that translates into VW money.
00:16:36£270,000.
00:16:38The fascinating thing is,
00:16:39there was a warrant out for his arrest, OK, in America,
00:16:42but he was in Germany.
00:16:43And then, for some reason,
00:16:44he decided to take his annual holiday in Florida
00:16:47and got arrested at the airport.
00:16:49Oh, nice.
00:16:51Why did he do that?
00:16:53Because he's a moron.
00:16:54Oh, yeah.
00:16:54It must be.
00:16:55It must be.
00:16:56The only thing I think of is that Volkswagen
00:16:58needed someone to do some jail time for what had happened.
00:17:02What, and he volunteered to do?
00:17:03No, I reckon they probably said,
00:17:04you're the employee of the month, Mr Schmidt,
00:17:06and you have won a fortnight's holiday and stuff at Disneyland!
00:17:10Oh, thank you!
00:17:11Thank you so much!
00:17:12Oh, no, they have arrested me!
00:17:14It's actually a seven-year holiday, you've got there, Mr Schmidt,
00:17:18and the catering is terrible.
00:17:20Now, do you remember the Rimac we had in programme one of this season?
00:17:24There it is.
00:17:25Yeah, yeah.
00:17:25Well, they've announced there is a new one coming out.
00:17:28Well, what happened to that one?
00:17:29Well...
00:17:31No, that was called the Concept One.
00:17:33Mm-hm.
00:17:34They only made eight of those, actually.
00:17:36Tell him you're left.
00:17:36Seven!
00:17:37Shut up!
00:17:38What happened to the other one, Hammond?
00:17:39Yeah, just stop saying things.
00:17:41The new one is going to be called the Concept Two,
00:17:43and amazingly, they're saying it's going to be even faster.
00:17:46And that was blindly fast.
00:17:47No, I actually don't believe that you could make a car go faster.
00:17:49Well, they say it's going to be faster,
00:17:51and there's a bit bigger inside, there'll be more room.
00:17:52Which it did need, because that one was quite cramped.
00:17:53You can fit in this one.
00:17:54I could fit in the last one.
00:17:56You'd be less like Spam, though,
00:17:57if you rolled it over and over and over.
00:17:59It'd be more dangerous, you're right.
00:18:00We've actually got a picture of the new Concept Two.
00:18:02Here it is, Hammond, you'll like this.
00:18:04Oh, God.
00:18:05LAUGHTER
00:18:07Ooh, now, there's a new McLaren, OK?
00:18:10I've got a picture of it here.
00:18:11This is staggering, OK?
00:18:13I've got some of the details.
00:18:14It's their new flagship, colour replaces the P1.
00:18:17Super hardcore, 789 horsepower mentalist, that thing.
00:18:22And they've called it, and this is a tremendous name, I think.
00:18:25They've called it the Senna.
00:18:26Ooh, cool.
00:18:26I mean, that is a really cool name for a car like that.
00:18:29I'm glad they didn't call it the Mansell.
00:18:30No, less cool.
00:18:32With its droning engine note,
00:18:33and it would have a stupid moustache above its number plate.
00:18:37Ooh.
00:18:37And if it were a convertible, a tweed roof.
00:18:40McLaren Hunt could work, cos he was quite cool.
00:18:43Terrible thirst, though, it would have.
00:18:44Yeah, a lot of smoke coming out.
00:18:46Every now and again, it would try and mount another car.
00:18:48Yeah.
00:18:49On balance, I think Senna's probably the best name
00:18:51they could have come up with.
00:18:53Right, now, what else, what more conversation have we got?
00:18:54I have some conversation for you.
00:18:55You have some conversation?
00:18:57I do, yes.
00:18:57Because, you know, last week,
00:18:58you were talking about how you ended up following a pigeon.
00:19:00How fast did you reckon it was going?
00:19:0235.
00:19:0335, I think you said.
00:19:04Yeah.
00:19:05The other day, I was going down a country lane
00:19:06and I ended up following a blackbird.
00:19:07Yep.
00:19:08And that only does 28.
00:19:10And that's interesting, cos that means a blackbird in level flight
00:19:13is slower than a pigeon.
00:19:15What is wrong with you two?
00:19:17Why are you following birds?
00:19:18Why not follow Russian spies or straying husbands?
00:19:21No, listen, listen, Hammond, pay attention.
00:19:23Oh, God.
00:19:23I did some research on this.
00:19:24You know the top speed of a pigeon,
00:19:26if it really puts its foot down, is 90.
00:19:29Is it?
00:19:29In level flight.
00:19:3090 miles an hour.
00:19:31I know.
00:19:31Now, that is amazing, Hammond, cos you wouldn't think
00:19:33a pigeon's wings could shift enough air.
00:19:35No, I wouldn't think about it.
00:19:36No, no.
00:19:36Stop it.
00:19:37You say that.
00:19:38A hummingbird can fly faster than a goose.
00:19:41Can it?
00:19:41No, it's like that.
00:19:43Nobody cares.
00:19:44They do.
00:19:44Stop ranking birds.
00:19:47What?
00:19:47Rank, rank, rank.
00:19:50Anyway, I think that the top speed of birds is a new hit show
00:19:54and you and I can host it and you'll end up as buttons
00:19:57in panto in Swindle.
00:19:59And then you'll shoot yourself in a room in a premiere inn one night.
00:20:02Yeah.
00:20:03There'll only be one police car outside and it'll be a Vauxhall Astra.
00:20:06It's your future.
00:20:08Anyway, that is enough Conversation Street this week,
00:20:10so let's move it on.
00:20:11Thank you very much.
00:20:17Now, as I'm sure you know, trying to set a speed record
00:20:21is very, very dangerous.
00:20:22And especially if you try to do it on water.
00:20:25In fact, over the years, and this is a true fact,
00:20:2885% of everyone who's tried to break a speed record on water
00:20:33has been killed in the process.
00:20:3685%.
00:20:37Yeah.
00:20:37But that's not the sort of figure that puts us off.
00:20:40Exactly.
00:20:41Because there was a 15% chance of surviving it,
00:20:44we decided to try and break the UK speed record
00:20:48for amphibious vehicles.
00:20:50Yeah.
00:20:51First, though, we had to build a car that could be driven legally
00:20:54on the road, but that would also go very quickly on the water.
00:20:58Hmm, and how hard can that be?
00:21:01Since we were trying to break an amphibious speed record,
00:21:05the obvious starting point was here.
00:21:09At Huddersfield International Airport.
00:21:15Why are we at Huddersfield International Airport?
00:21:18Yeah, why aren't we at a lake?
00:21:19Because I am project leader,
00:21:22and one of the many, many things that I know
00:21:24is that to go fast on water,
00:21:27you have to have a lot of power.
00:21:31To demonstrate what I was on about,
00:21:34I would set up a test using the jet engine
00:21:36from an RAF Nimrod.
00:21:43Did you build all this?
00:21:45Yes.
00:21:45Can I just ask?
00:21:46What?
00:21:47What is the current speed record for amphibious vehicles?
00:21:5139.1 miles an hour.
00:21:53Well, isn't this rather overkill?
00:21:57Listen, Usain Bolt can run at 27 miles an hour on land, okay?
00:22:01If you were way steep in water,
00:22:03he'd have a top speed of about one.
00:22:05Water's really sticky,
00:22:06and you need loads of power.
00:22:08I've got a word in my head for all this,
00:22:10and it's impractical.
00:22:11I've got a word.
00:22:12It's shut up.
00:22:13Right, we're going.
00:22:16Is it left?
00:22:17Very.
00:22:18That's fired up.
00:22:20That's going to drive air into the big engine.
00:22:23We've got to get those in the green.
00:22:25I hate it when you've got buttons.
00:22:27I don't hear anything.
00:22:29Ignite it.
00:22:30Oh!
00:22:32I'm going to give it some thrust now.
00:22:46That's over!
00:22:47100% power!
00:22:50That's over.
00:22:52Let's go.
00:23:32You are a worthless dodo.
00:23:35Look at it.
00:23:41On the upside, there is an upside here.
00:23:45If it's capable of doing that, imagine how fast we're going to go on the lake.
00:23:51You're a cretin.
00:23:52Yes, yes, yes.
00:23:53None of this is based on any scientific reasoning whatsoever.
00:23:56You say, it's got a lot of power.
00:23:57How much trust has it got?
00:23:58A lot.
00:23:58Look what it's done.
00:23:59It's blown two aeroplanes over and given us a massive bill.
00:24:02Having proved to my sceptical colleagues that jet power was the way forward, we moved to
00:24:08our technology centre.
00:24:10Here, we would fuse together this Russian jet, this speedboat, and this Suzuki Jimny.
00:24:19And we'd end up with the fastest amphibious vehicle Britain had ever seen.
00:24:26We have an old Suzuki car.
00:24:29Yes.
00:24:29A small old plastic boat and a jet engine.
00:24:32And you're suggesting that somehow we unite them all into some sort of symphony of success
00:24:36and glory.
00:24:37Yes.
00:24:38This is the stupidest thing I've ever been involved with.
00:24:41It's idiotic.
00:24:43Having convinced my sceptical colleagues once more that my plan was a good one, we set
00:24:48to work.
00:24:55And soon, our amazing creation was ready.
00:25:22Right, as you can see, everyone, this is fully road legal.
00:25:26Lights, indicators, number plates.
00:25:28And a massive jet engine just behind us.
00:25:30Yes.
00:25:32More of an issue, though, was the passenger seat layout.
00:25:36I'm going to change gear.
00:25:37It's right where your penis is.
00:25:39Put your hand up near my gentleman's sausage.
00:25:45What are these things above our heads?
00:25:47These are the stabilisation tanks, yeah?
00:25:49When we go in the water, you lower them down and they keep us afloat.
00:25:52No, I've got that.
00:25:53I've got that when we've fitted them.
00:25:54But what we're now discovering is they make us more stable on water, but a lot less on land.
00:26:00James, why are you being so quiet?
00:26:01I'm waiting for it to fall over.
00:26:05Will you stop making stupid childish noises?
00:26:09Well, I think we've done an incredible job, and I think I've been a remarkable project leader.
00:26:15Why has no one thought to do this before?
00:26:18No, it's so logical when you look at it.
00:26:21The car benefit's working, but it was already a car. That's not much of an achievement.
00:26:27I'm going to do a brake test.
00:26:29Oh!
00:26:30What?
00:26:31Wait.
00:26:32Is that that?
00:26:33Oh!
00:26:35Yeah.
00:26:38Eventually, we arrived at the lake.
00:26:43For our first high-speed test run.
00:26:47And immediately, Hammond chickened out.
00:26:53Why aren't you wearing a fire suit?
00:26:55Um, jet engines just aren't my thing.
00:26:58I'm going to watch this from the back.
00:27:00Are you really not coming in it?
00:27:01No, I'm going to watch.
00:27:03I'm going to be the observer.
00:27:04Ooh!
00:27:06Ooh!
00:27:07I'm...
00:27:07I'm...
00:27:13She's ready.
00:27:15My big fear is, let's be modest and say, let's say we reached 80.
00:27:20So from here, we've got to have to just use drag to slow us down before we hit the far
00:27:25bank.
00:27:25Well, we have to think ahead.
00:27:27Yes.
00:27:28Start decelerating when you pass that midpoint.
00:27:30Then you should be all right.
00:27:32I think he's right.
00:27:33The middle is the critical point.
00:27:34Then just back off the throttles.
00:27:36And then we'll just use the drag of the pontoons to slow us down.
00:27:39All right.
00:27:40Right.
00:27:43Soon, James and I were ready for the test and not at all nervous.
00:27:49When we fire up the jet, this perspex that I put in here, I put it in.
00:27:55It's what if that just goes?
00:27:58You shouldn't have said that.
00:27:59You know in Die Hard 2, when the enormous soldier is sucked into the engine?
00:28:04Oh, yeah.
00:28:05Yeah, that's like that.
00:28:06It will be like that, won't it?
00:28:08Ready?
00:28:17Oh, I feel buoyancy.
00:28:21I am proud of my two colleagues.
00:28:23This is, this is historic.
00:28:26We are now going to fire up the jetter.
00:28:28If I put your thing on, it's going to be bloody land.
00:28:30I don't think this is a good point.
00:28:33Comms check, comms check.
00:28:36Dials are engaged.
00:28:38This is the speedometer.
00:28:39Okay, you've got igniter on, bilge pump off, throttle set and idle.
00:28:42Go.
00:28:43Starting jet.
00:28:47Holy shit.
00:28:49It's going, Rudd.
00:28:50Don't look at it.
00:28:51Don't look at the rear view mirror.
00:29:04Oh, this is phenomenal.
00:29:07We're taking up the power now, 50%.
00:29:10Is that 50%?
00:29:11Yeah, that's about 50, but 70 is 100.
00:29:14What do you mean 70 is 100?
00:29:16I couldn't find a dial that exactly matched the revs.
00:29:19So 70 on here is 100% drop.
00:29:24I'm going for power.
00:29:25Here we go.
00:29:28I'll tell you, I'm going to hold on something seriously.
00:29:30All right, go.
00:29:35That's 100% drop.
00:29:37All right, well, we're doing two miles an hour.
00:29:58Come on.
00:30:00We're doing three.
00:30:02Why is it so slow?
00:30:04I mean, that jet is from a Russian fighter.
00:30:07That is capable of keeping a Russian fighter in the air.
00:30:10Why won't it make us go more than three?
00:30:13In the air.
00:30:15That's the point.
00:30:16The air.
00:30:19Hammond is keeping up with us.
00:30:22That's it.
00:30:24Come on.
00:30:26Can I just say something?
00:30:28We're sinking.
00:30:29No, my heart is sinking.
00:30:31Oh, God.
00:30:32We really do need...
00:30:33I'm going to go into shore.
00:30:37I don't think they needed the neck braces in the end.
00:30:45And throttle back.
00:30:53Speed?
00:30:54Three.
00:30:54Three.
00:30:56Yeah, it does three.
00:30:57That's your top speed.
00:30:58It's three.
00:30:59You could row at three miles an hour.
00:31:03On the upside, and there is one, neither of us were killed.
00:31:07And that's an upside?
00:31:09No, the issue at hand is...
00:31:11Yes.
00:31:11It doesn't work.
00:31:12Yes.
00:31:13Why doesn't it work?
00:31:15Well, it's mainly to do with the shape of the car, the shape of the sawn-up bits of
00:31:20tatty old boat that you've blu-tacked to it, the drag of the pontoons, the size and power
00:31:25and position of the engine, the amount of fuel it will run, the basic physics, the fact
00:31:29that water is 750 times as dense as air...
00:31:34It was time to go back to the drawing board.
00:31:38And this time, we gave Jeremy a job he could actually do.
00:31:45Now, this is the car that currently holds the record for amphibious vehicles.
00:31:50It's the Gibbs Humdinger.
00:31:51And as you can see, it is not an ancient Suzuki with old Russian jet engine on the back.
00:31:56No, it's a light, plastic car with a hull and, as you can see, retractable wheels.
00:32:02Exactly.
00:32:03And that's why we have chosen as the basis for our project, this.
00:32:14Which is a Reliant Robin in a 1970s leisure suit.
00:32:19No, it is a Bond Bug, one of the coolest cars from the 70s.
00:32:24And I can see why you chose this particular one, Hammond.
00:32:28It's got your name on it.
00:32:30Shut up.
00:32:31The only reason these things never really caught on was because nobody thought of making them amphibious.
00:32:36Yes, but we have, you see, so we're going to fit it with retractable wheels, same as the Gibbs,
00:32:41and we're going to use the engine from one of these.
00:32:43A jet engine.
00:32:44Yes, sort of, but different.
00:32:46It's my idea.
00:32:47The jet engine was not your idea.
00:32:49No, the jet engine isn't my idea, but the idea of making an amphibious car using a jet engine was
00:32:53my idea.
00:32:54This is a water jet, it's different.
00:32:56And anyway, this is genius because you can rent one of these from pretty much any beach in the world
00:33:02that will do 50 miles an hour out of the box.
00:33:03This one will do 67.
00:33:05It will, exactly.
00:33:06Well, that's plenty.
00:33:07So all we've got to do is incorporate this into the roadworthy shell of the Bond Bug,
00:33:11and we've got a very fast car and a very fast boat in the same thing.
00:33:15Which is exactly what I was doing.
00:33:18At this point, we sent Jeremy home and set to work on building our masterpiece.
00:33:36I don't know why you're applauded.
00:33:38They know nothing about boats.
00:33:40Absolutely nothing.
00:33:41Old planes, yes.
00:33:43Helicopters, yes.
00:33:44Old motorcycles, a lot.
00:33:45But boats, nothing.
00:33:47But we shall see what they came up with later on.
00:33:50Now, though, it is time for Celebrity Face-Off.
00:34:05It's a simple question this week.
00:34:08Who is the world's fastest magician?
00:34:11To find out, would you please welcome Dynamo and Penn and his silent partner, Teller!
00:34:16Teller!
00:34:20Amazing.
00:34:22I'm already amazed.
00:34:24I've got to be honest, magic is my favourite thing in the entire world,
00:34:28apart from boating in the south of France.
00:34:30But we must begin with cars, obviously.
00:34:32This being a car show occasionally.
00:34:34You both started with four befores, as far as it will work out.
00:34:37They have featured in your life.
00:34:39You are a G-Wagon man, yeah?
00:34:41Yeah, so at the beginning, when my TV show got a bit of success,
00:34:45Mercedes came and they would give me cars to drive.
00:34:48But then I did a commercial with Fiat,
00:34:50and Mercedes weren't too happy about that.
00:34:52LAUGHTER
00:34:54I used some of the money from Fiat to then, I still love the G-Wagons, so I bought one.
00:34:58But the other squad, so you got used Fiat money to buy Mercedes?
00:35:02Yeah.
00:35:02That is quite cool.
00:35:02But you had a Ford Bronco.
00:35:04But only because I watched O.J. do the, uh...
00:35:08LAUGHTER
00:35:09And I said, he's kind of a big guy, maybe I'd fit in that car.
00:35:12And then I got the whole thing, and it was all too, uh, masculine, so I painted it stripper pink
00:35:17for Vegas.
00:35:19When you're driving to work, do they think you're a stripper?
00:35:21Yeah, I hope so.
00:35:23LAUGHTER
00:35:24Didn't you have a Ford Falcon as well at some stage?
00:35:25Well, when I was in high school, I'm from a rural area, my mother gave me her coverage with Ford
00:35:33Falcon.
00:35:34But for me, that was just a place to have sex in high school.
00:35:38LAUGHTER
00:35:38When you started touring together, so you presumably needed some kind of tour...
00:35:43Yeah, we did, you know, we're carny trash.
00:35:45We did carnivals and outdoor shows and all of that.
00:35:47We're the worst kind of people.
00:35:49And, uh, we had to drive all over the United States of America.
00:35:52So we went to an auction place and bought a Datsun 210 station wagon with the back seat down and
00:35:57then our trunks in there with all our stuff.
00:35:59And we were so terrified of having our props stolen that we had a magnetic sign we put on the
00:36:06side that said...
00:36:07on the side with the big boxes in the back.
00:36:10And that worked really well until the sign was stolen.
00:36:13LAUGHTER
00:36:14I want to talk about cars, but who would rather here see some magic?
00:36:18Yeah!
00:36:20I know we're supposed to do cars.
00:36:21Would you mind awfully if you now do some?
00:36:24Have you actually brought something with you?
00:36:25I'm going to try something with you.
00:36:27Just, um, just hold your hands up for me.
00:36:30What, both?
00:36:30They're both like this.
00:36:31Like that.
00:36:32A little bit wider.
00:36:33Are you, uh, left or right-handed?
00:36:34Right-handed.
00:36:35Close it in a fist for me.
00:36:36What?
00:36:36Close it in a fist.
00:36:38Like that.
00:36:38That one?
00:36:39Yeah, then turn this left one over.
00:36:41I'm going to put a little cross right there.
00:36:44Can you short-cut everyone?
00:36:45Yeah, show that to the ladies.
00:36:46Show the cross to everybody.
00:36:46I've got a cross there, look.
00:36:47Let's have a look.
00:36:49So, make sure it's dry.
00:36:51It's sharp so it shouldn't come off.
00:36:52Yeah, still there.
00:36:53The idea is to make it disappear from there.
00:37:03If it's in this hand now, I'm going to be just...
00:37:05I'm going to be just like...
00:37:05F*** sake.
00:37:09How is that?
00:37:19Go on, do another one.
00:37:20Who'd like to see another one?
00:37:21Yeah!
00:37:22Come on, what have you got?
00:37:23Have you got a piece of paper there?
00:37:25Uh, yes.
00:37:27I've got a pen here.
00:37:28I'm just going to do some markings for you.
00:37:32We'll start here.
00:37:33Take the pen.
00:37:34It's not the...
00:37:34Oh, it's in the top.
00:37:35Yeah, yep.
00:37:36Give me a number from, say, from one to ten.
00:37:39Nine.
00:37:40Nine, write it down.
00:37:41Nine.
00:37:42Great.
00:37:42We'll go for, let's see, the lady right there with the glass up.
00:37:47Yep.
00:37:47I need another number from nine to nineteen.
00:37:51Uh, eleven.
00:37:52Eleven.
00:37:53I think it was a man.
00:37:54That's a bit embarrassing.
00:37:55Right.
00:37:58We're maybe in a world of trouble here.
00:38:06Let's move it on quickly.
00:38:08Um, yes.
00:38:09Richard.
00:38:10Yes.
00:38:11A number from eleven to twenty-one.
00:38:14Nineteen.
00:38:14Nineteen?
00:38:15Are you sure?
00:38:15Yes.
00:38:16Nineteen, write it down.
00:38:17Brilliant.
00:38:18Nineteen there, yeah?
00:38:18Perfect, yes.
00:38:20Uh, we'll go for this guy here in a blue jacket.
00:38:23How are you doing?
00:38:23Actually, that's a woman.
00:38:25LAUGHTER
00:38:29APPLAUSE
00:38:30It's so hard to tell.
00:38:32APPLAUSE
00:38:33Um, a number from nineteen to twenty-nine, please.
00:38:3727.
00:38:3827, write that down.
00:38:41Gilles Villeneuve's old number.
00:38:42We'll go for this gentleman right here with the white teeth.
00:38:45T-shirt.
00:38:46The gender-fluid gentleman.
00:38:47Yes.
00:38:48Yes, it was.
00:38:48A number from twenty-seven to thirty-seven.
00:38:51Three.
00:38:52Thirty-three, write that down.
00:38:53And finally, the lady at the end here with the long hair.
00:38:56Um, can we have a number between thirty-three and forty-nine?
00:39:00Forty-two.
00:39:01Forty-two.
00:39:02So, nine, eleven, nineteen, twenty-seven, thirty-three and forty-two.
00:39:05These, obviously, are the numbers we randomly generated today.
00:39:08A couple of years ago, I picked six numbers myself.
00:39:12They're like my lucky numbers.
00:39:13And I went to a shop and I bought a lottery ticket.
00:39:16Um, and I won.
00:39:17Only a tenner.
00:39:19But, you know, I won something.
00:39:20And I actually, I keep that ticket in my wallet.
00:39:24There you go.
00:39:25Keep it in my wallet.
00:39:26No.
00:39:27For good luck.
00:39:28And, um, where's the camera?
00:39:30Yeah, can you see that?
00:39:31No.
00:39:31There's one ticket there.
00:39:33This is a lottery ticket?
00:39:35I think you'll find the numbers quite interesting if you want to read them out loud.
00:39:38So, you...
00:39:40I need my glasses on a lottery ticket.
00:39:43So, let's just...
00:39:44What was the first number?
00:39:46Nine.
00:39:46Nine, right there.
00:39:47Eleven.
00:39:48Eleven.
00:39:49Nineteen.
00:39:50Nineteen for Richard.
00:39:50Twenty-seven.
00:39:51Twenty-seven.
00:39:52Thirty-three.
00:39:53Thirty-three.
00:39:53And the last one?
00:39:54Forty-two.
00:39:54Forty-two.
00:39:56APPLAUSE
00:40:05You're actually a lottery ticket.
00:40:06I mean, it's like...
00:40:07It is a lot...
00:40:08I'm...
00:40:09Well, I'm staggered.
00:40:10But, anyway, look.
00:40:11We haven't finished yet.
00:40:13Shall we see what the Americans can do?
00:40:16Come on, then, you two.
00:40:16Let's have a look.
00:40:17What have you got?
00:40:18Well, you know, I was asking Dynamo.
00:40:20You're a member of the Magic Circle, right?
00:40:22Yeah, yeah.
00:40:23We are not, and Teller and I have a reputation,
00:40:25not ill-deserved, for giving away magic secrets.
00:40:28You do.
00:40:29I mean, you always say hang up tricks.
00:40:30We have done that, yeah.
00:40:31So they will not let us be members.
00:40:32So that got us thinking, could we do a trick
00:40:35that would fool the Magic Circle
00:40:37while giving away all the very principles
00:40:41we've given away?
00:40:42And the first thing we gave away in 1985,
00:40:44way back then,
00:40:45one of the David Letterman program,
00:40:46and gave away the idea of fake blindfolds
00:40:49that are used by magicians.
00:40:50As a matter of fact, we said,
00:40:51every blindfold used by a magician is fake,
00:40:54which we've stood by.
00:40:55How can they be fake?
00:40:55We're going to have a blindfold that can't be faked,
00:40:57which is Dynamo.
00:40:58Teller's going to stand up here.
00:40:59And Dynamo, just make sure that Teller can't see.
00:41:03Come over there, and just make sure that Teller can't...
00:41:06No, not permanently, but just put your hands right over his eyes there
00:41:11so he can't see.
00:41:13No need to be gentle.
00:41:14It's not me.
00:41:15All you got to do is make sure he can't see.
00:41:17How many fingers am I holding up?
00:41:20Now, we've been accused of giving away the idea of marked cards.
00:41:25Marked cards are very hard to try.
00:41:26Even professional gamblers sometimes can't determine if they're marked.
00:41:29But Dynamo's going to make sure they're not marked.
00:41:31The cards will be dealt face down in Teller's right hands.
00:41:34If the cards were marked, which they are not,
00:41:36Teller would have to see,
00:41:37and Dynamo is making sure they can't see.
00:41:39The other thing we gave away was on the Johnny Carson program.
00:41:42We gave away the idea of a card force,
00:41:45that it's easy to do a trick if you know in advance
00:41:48what card's going to be picked.
00:41:49And one of the ways you can do a force like that, Jeremy,
00:41:52is to have all the cards be the same.
00:41:56Yeah.
00:41:56Then you just have a card selected.
00:41:58You don't know what it's going to be.
00:41:58But if you stand up for a second, Jeremy,
00:42:00I think it'll be a little easier for us.
00:42:01I want you to make sure you look over these
00:42:02and make sure they are not all the same.
00:42:06I'll try to fan them all out.
00:42:07No, that's a pack of cards.
00:42:08Yeah, it's a pack of cards.
00:42:09Now, another way you can do a card force
00:42:12is you can use sleight of hand to force the bottom card,
00:42:15the top card, or even a card in the middle.
00:42:17But I'm going to eliminate sleight of hand
00:42:18by using your hands, okay?
00:42:20So I'm going to give you...
00:42:22I'll give you most of the deck right here.
00:42:24Just take a look.
00:42:25And I'm going to just fan them out like this.
00:42:26Fan them out.
00:42:27And don't let me see, but just think of one.
00:42:29Don't even point to it.
00:42:30Don't cut to it.
00:42:31Just look over all the cards you have.
00:42:33You have most of the deck.
00:42:34And then just think of one card.
00:42:35Don't even look there.
00:42:36Just think of it.
00:42:36And then close them out so I can't even see what you're doing.
00:42:38And then give those cards a good shuffle.
00:42:41Or give them that kind of shuffle.
00:42:42But probably face down
00:42:44so you can't tell what you're shuffling there.
00:42:46So you've thought of one card.
00:42:47You have no idea where it is in this deck.
00:42:50Is that right?
00:42:50Now, magicians often want you
00:42:52to misremember the sequence of events.
00:42:56We want you to very much remember the sequence.
00:42:58The card is only in your head.
00:42:59Is that right?
00:43:00Yeah.
00:43:00It's nowhere else.
00:43:01Nowhere else.
00:43:01And the cards are all mixed up.
00:43:02You have no idea where it is there, right?
00:43:04Now, I'm going to put these in your hand.
00:43:05Now, the order of these will not change.
00:43:07It will not change.
00:43:08I'm not going to touch them again.
00:43:09I will not touch them again, okay?
00:43:10Now that my hands are off, I won't touch them again,
00:43:13what was the name of the card?
00:43:14King of Hearts.
00:43:15Okay.
00:43:15Now, you're going to go over there
00:43:16and you're going to deal the cards
00:43:17one at a time from the top,
00:43:19face down to tell his right hand, okay?
00:43:21Into his hand?
00:43:22Into his right hand.
00:43:23So face down.
00:43:23Yeah.
00:43:24Dynamo, make sure he can't see.
00:43:25He can't see nothing.
00:43:29See, we're just being whipping boys again, Dynamo.
00:43:32I was English.
00:43:43Okay, Dynamo, was he able to see him for a moment?
00:43:45Nothing.
00:43:45Jeremy, what was the name of your card?
00:43:47King of Hearts.
00:43:47King of Hearts.
00:43:48Look at the next card.
00:43:50Oh, for God.
00:44:05You came here, of course, to do your laps.
00:44:07And as we can see in the rapidly fading light,
00:44:10the weather has not been clement.
00:44:12In fact, when we arrived at the track this morning,
00:44:14it looked like this.
00:44:16And then you can see the problem that bit.
00:44:18You can sort of see where the track goes.
00:44:20But if we got another shot,
00:44:21I think we got a moving shot.
00:44:22Now, somewhere in there is a racetrack.
00:44:26Which makes it quite tricky, I should imagine,
00:44:28to see where you would go.
00:44:29You did it first, didn't you?
00:44:30Yes.
00:44:31And there was a particularly fine moment,
00:44:33I have to say, on the...
00:44:34Well, it's supposed to be a flat-out corner
00:44:36when it's dry, but it really wasn't.
00:44:39I mean, the weather was improving.
00:44:40It was thawing.
00:44:41Yeah.
00:44:42And it all went really brilliantly wrong.
00:44:44Who'd like to see Dynamo
00:44:46going round in a few circles?
00:44:48Yeah, we want to see that?
00:44:49So, look at this.
00:44:50This is a flat-out corner,
00:44:52and then you just can see it's going,
00:44:54and then...
00:44:55That's a properly big slide-off, that one is.
00:44:58Round of applause for that, though.
00:45:00We like that.
00:45:03Is that scary?
00:45:05No, it was well fun.
00:45:06I was like, yeah, I could have done this all day.
00:45:08It's so much fun.
00:45:08Who'd like to see the lap that eventually resulted?
00:45:11Yeah?
00:45:12Let's have a look.
00:45:13Let's have a look.
00:45:13Dynamo's lap.
00:45:14Here it comes.
00:45:15Thawed out.
00:45:16A nice, smooth, quiet start.
00:45:19And he's away.
00:45:19Right, let's do this.
00:45:22Okay, let's...
00:45:22Ooh, that's quick through that...
00:45:24Ooh, yes, that's cut in that corner,
00:45:26but nicely done.
00:45:27Nicely held.
00:45:29And now we go on to what is normally gravel,
00:45:31but, uh, what's it look like now?
00:45:33It's just mud and slush.
00:45:35God, that looks tricky.
00:45:37But you're keeping it a little bit wide through there,
00:45:40but not bad at all.
00:45:43Again, not bad.
00:45:44Not fast, but...
00:45:47I don't think I'm on my track any more, guys.
00:45:51No, it's still Brambit, yeah.
00:45:52No, that is a James May cornering speed through that one, but...
00:45:55Is it cool putting an attraction down all right?
00:45:58No, it was all over the place.
00:46:00It does, no, that's nice.
00:46:02Yep, splashing through the last bit.
00:46:04Difficult bit too, as we call it.
00:46:05It's driving on water, this is.
00:46:06It is, yeah.
00:46:07It's almost Jesus-esque.
00:46:09And then now we get back onto the tarmac.
00:46:12Ooh, I see that one.
00:46:13Tongues of front-end grip there all of a sudden.
00:46:16And then look at the way the front's turning in.
00:46:18That's unbelievable.
00:46:19Now we go on to the really fast bit, ordinarily.
00:46:22Come on, then.
00:46:23There we go.
00:46:25This is where you lost it in the practice,
00:46:28but you haven't lost it this time.
00:46:30Our front is suddenly sticking really well.
00:46:32Coming up to the last corner.
00:46:35And a little bit of understeer through there,
00:46:36but nicely tamed.
00:46:38And there we are across the line, everybody.
00:46:42Nicely done.
00:46:43Not easy.
00:46:45Not easy.
00:46:48Now then, after you'd had a go, it was your turn.
00:46:52Yes, that's good.
00:46:53You enjoy yourself?
00:46:53I had a very good time, yeah.
00:46:55And I had teller as a passenger, which was helpful.
00:46:57Oh, that would help.
00:46:58Balance it out nicely.
00:47:00Yeah, sure.
00:47:00You also had a moment, shall we say?
00:47:03I did, I did.
00:47:04Would anybody like to see this moment?
00:47:05Yes.
00:47:06Let's have a look.
00:47:08This is quick, coming into the last corner.
00:47:09That's understood.
00:47:11Oh, somebody's been off there already, look.
00:47:13You can see the time marks, but not as far as you went.
00:47:15That is impressive.
00:47:17That's the furthest anybody's been off that thing.
00:47:19By a long way.
00:47:21You're definitely winning that so far.
00:47:23Yeah, yeah.
00:47:23Definitely winning that.
00:47:24For the start of the track, I got that.
00:47:25Okay.
00:47:26But then, you've got a lap together.
00:47:28I did.
00:47:28Both of you.
00:47:29Let's have a look at this lap.
00:47:31Yeah, another nice tummy-dilly start.
00:47:34Roaring off down to the first corner.
00:47:36So we're going, teller.
00:47:37Can you feel it?
00:47:40There's not at all scary in there.
00:47:42Right, that's tummy-dilly done through there, keeping it really on the island.
00:47:46Unlike dynamo, isn't it mad?
00:47:48And onto the gravel.
00:47:50Well, the mud.
00:47:51Well, the slush.
00:47:52Whatever you want to call it.
00:47:56I'm going quickly there.
00:47:58Oh, that was well held there.
00:48:01And that's nice driving.
00:48:03I'm under control.
00:48:04Shut up, teller.
00:48:05I got it.
00:48:07He's putting you off.
00:48:09Now, this is, sometimes, when it appears to be slow, it's fast.
00:48:12Sometimes, when it looks fast, it's slow.
00:48:15This is looking fast, I'm going to be honest.
00:48:18But there's a lot of sideways action, which, of course, isn't forward motion, which is a problem.
00:48:23Right, now, coming back.
00:48:24But it looks really good.
00:48:25Oh, it looks tremendous.
00:48:26This is great television.
00:48:31And you can hear the bark of the two-litre there as you hit the stroke.
00:48:34We're going now.
00:48:39And coming up to the, this is the corner, not this one, but the next one that caught you out
00:48:44practicing.
00:48:44Oh, you're trying to get a Scandi flick going there, but a bit too soon.
00:48:49Understeer again, but you've held it this time.
00:48:51And there we are.
00:48:52Yep, across the line, everybody.
00:49:03Right, I have the times here.
00:49:05Okay.
00:49:08We'll start with you.
00:49:11One, 39-3.
00:49:14It's not right.
00:49:14It's really slow.
00:49:22So far, you're the fastest person ever to go around our track in the snow.
00:49:28But are you faster than Penn & Telly?
00:49:32There's actually excitement here, isn't there?
00:49:33Yeah.
00:49:34It's nervousness.
00:49:35You did it in one, 30, 3.8.
00:49:47I'm getting it.
00:49:49Commiserations.
00:49:50Commiserations.
00:49:52Congratulations, gentlemen.
00:49:54Congratulations.
00:49:55That was fantastic.
00:49:57And thank you so much, all of you, for coming along and doing all this magic.
00:50:01But we must now say goodbye to Dynamo and the world's fastest magicians, Penn & Telly!
00:50:15Now, tonight, we are attempting to break the British water speed record for amphibious cars.
00:50:22Yeah.
00:50:22Now, earlier on, Jeremy had a go at making something,
00:50:24and his effort was, frankly, terrible.
00:50:27No, it wasn't.
00:50:28It was.
00:50:28Yeah, so Hammond and I took control of the project,
00:50:31and what we decided to do was take a 1970s three-wheeler
00:50:35with a removable roof called a bond bug,
00:50:37here's a picture of it,
00:50:38and make that with a jet ski to create something that we had christened
00:50:42the pond bug.
00:50:44And then, when it was finished,
00:50:46take it to the Lake District and something called
00:50:49Coniston Speed Week.
00:50:52Over the decades, many fearless daredevils have powered across this five-mile stretch of water
00:50:59in the pursuit of new records.
00:51:06One was the legendary Donald Campbell,
00:51:10who was killed here in 1967 whilst trying to break the 300-mile-per-hour barrier.
00:51:25Today, in Speed Week, that spirit of adventure lives on,
00:51:29as people from all over the world come to push their boats,
00:51:33their engines, and themselves to the absolute limit.
00:51:36This was Speed Heaven,
00:51:40and I felt sure our fully road-legal pond bug would blend in perfectly.
00:52:07holding.
00:52:15Look at all this!
00:52:20Having parked up, I went off to find Hammond and Clarkson,
00:52:25who reckoned he'd come up with something better.
00:52:31Are you ready?
00:52:33You're going to not believe this!
00:52:35OK!
00:52:36Behold my genius!
00:52:40Oh, hello.
00:52:44Oh, yeah.
00:52:46Oh, that is actually quite surprising.
00:52:49So, the tracks drop down when you're near land.
00:52:53Er, very clever.
00:52:56I mean, I'm sorry.
00:52:57I'm going to stand back a little bit.
00:52:59Have I, or have I not, created something brilliant?
00:53:03No.
00:53:03You didn't build it.
00:53:05And it's very cool, but you can't use it.
00:53:07Why not?
00:53:08Because it's not road-legal.
00:53:09It's not an amphibious car.
00:53:10It's not an amphibious car.
00:53:12It's a boat.
00:53:13It's not an amphibious car.
00:53:13It's a boat with legs on it.
00:53:14It's not eligible for what we're doing.
00:53:16Well, where's your car?
00:53:17Ah!
00:53:25What do you think?
00:53:26Oh, yeah.
00:53:28Look at it.
00:53:30That is a quality job.
00:53:31Hmm?
00:53:32Why are you pulling that face?
00:53:34It's the stupidest thing I've ever seen in my life.
00:53:36It's the coolest thing that has ever been.
00:53:38Look at it.
00:53:39What are they?
00:53:40These are the doors.
00:53:41Yeah, it's undercarriage doors.
00:53:42What doors?
00:53:43Well, so you retract the undercarriage, the front wheel goes up,
00:53:45and then these doors shut.
00:53:46Look at it.
00:53:46You've got a smooth hub.
00:53:49So what do the back wheels do?
00:53:52What about the chine?
00:53:54What do you mean, what about the chine?
00:53:55Look at the chine at the back.
00:53:56This is to attempt a water speed record.
00:53:59I know.
00:54:01This, right, this is what you need for high-speed run.
00:54:04A smooth, rounded chine.
00:54:06When this is up here, it's sharp.
00:54:09Yes.
00:54:09So as you're going along, you catch that, and it's going to go.
00:54:13Well, we had to make it fit around the wheel, otherwise it wouldn't work on the road.
00:54:16We could have made it round.
00:54:17That was a difficult fabrication job.
00:54:19It was much easier to do it like that.
00:54:20I'm sure it's easier, but you've created a death trap.
00:54:24Wait.
00:54:25Keep the nose down.
00:54:26Yes, I know what it's for.
00:54:28Well, there you go, then.
00:54:28Isn't this thing just, Chris, going to porpoise?
00:54:31We don't know.
00:54:32No, probably.
00:54:33Anyone who gets in that is effectively committing suicide.
00:54:37They're not.
00:54:37Anyone who gets in that is going to look the coolest person here.
00:54:40That's fact one.
00:54:41Which one of you two is driving it?
00:54:43Now, that's interesting because...
00:54:44We've got to think about that.
00:54:45It's got to be somebody with a speedboat powerboat racing license.
00:54:49Yes.
00:54:49Have you got one of those?
00:54:50I have got one.
00:54:51I haven't got one.
00:54:52Do I know anybody who does have one?
00:54:54Yes, I do have a racing license.
00:54:56Well, there you go, then.
00:54:57And here is your racing boat.
00:54:58Look what we've built for you.
00:55:01I am not getting in that.
00:55:03Yes, you are.
00:55:04I'm not.
00:55:05I'm not.
00:55:07No.
00:55:07You have to.
00:55:08I am not.
00:55:10And with that, back to the tent.
00:55:15This is broken.
00:55:16Line it up with the...
00:55:18It is broken, otherwise it would be...
00:55:19Look, it's broken.
00:55:20Use the removable steering wheel before.
00:55:22And line up the...
00:55:23There you go.
00:55:23I've blended it.
00:55:25Knowing that 85% of people who attempt speed records are killed, and that the boat had been designed by
00:55:31imbeciles, I was fervently hoping that it would at least be easy to operate.
00:55:38However...
00:55:40You have to drive it into the water first.
00:55:42Yes.
00:55:42It's still in road mode.
00:55:43And you do that using this.
00:55:45That just teases it in.
00:55:46A little push, a little push, and it goes in.
00:55:48Once you're in the water, you have to retract the wheels.
00:55:51And then you disengage the fan and the clutch.
00:55:55Then you have to close the nose wheel door.
00:55:57If you push it down once, you're in neutral.
00:55:59You'll still rotate round, because the jet's still running.
00:56:01Push it up.
00:56:02And you'll see that current will flow on the ammeter.
00:56:05When you get a current surge, jet thrust trim is here, and it will appear on your screen here.
00:56:09Hold that.
00:56:09And that does reverse.
00:56:10This one, you pull it fully back.
00:56:14If you knew, and you obviously did know, all along, that I was going to be driving this, why have
00:56:20you made this thing so complicated?
00:56:21That's not complicated.
00:56:22If you knew.
00:56:23We've simplified it.
00:56:24These instruments are from the jet ski.
00:56:26You've got two speeders.
00:56:27Comforting.
00:56:28Comforting.
00:56:28When you're on holiday, you've looked at those and thought, I'm having a lovely time.
00:56:32That's what you're doing today.
00:56:33The water will be colder.
00:56:34Why don't you take the checklist with you?
00:56:36Because it will blow up.
00:56:37It tells you the things you've got to do.
00:56:39It's so easy.
00:56:40We've spent hours on that.
00:56:41The thing to remember is that it is...
00:56:4439 miles an hour is really fast.
00:56:45Yeah, it is quite fast.
00:56:46It is really fast.
00:56:47But if you do 40, then you're a world record holder.
00:56:50Step out of here.
00:56:50Not world.
00:56:51It's a British record.
00:56:52British.
00:56:52What better record?
00:56:54Well, what other sort of record would you want?
00:57:00To set a speed record, you have to drive past the start line marker boys.
00:57:07You're then timed over a kilometre, after which you turn round and do exactly the same thing in the opposite
00:57:16direction.
00:57:18Your result is an average speed taken from the two runs.
00:57:25It all sounded very terrifying.
00:57:33Please sink like a stone.
00:57:35Please sink.
00:57:36Sink.
00:57:37Sink.
00:57:39Sink.
00:57:40No, it isn't.
00:57:41Damn it.
00:57:42Looks good.
00:57:43It looks brilliant.
00:57:44Okay, we have every faith in you.
00:57:46We don't have every faith.
00:57:48Nope.
00:57:48And no faith.
00:57:50Wheels.
00:57:51Wheels coming up.
00:57:55It was now time for the checklist.
00:57:59What do I do with the clutch?
00:58:00I've forgotten them.
00:58:01Doors.
00:58:03Doors.
00:58:04Is that right?
00:58:04How do I get it out of...
00:58:05Wait a minute.
00:58:06Right.
00:58:06Builds?
00:58:07No, that's builds.
00:58:08It's not right.
00:58:09No, it's just...
00:58:10Oh, this is terrible!
00:58:12Hammond!
00:58:12May, you idiots!
00:58:14Why is he just going round and round?
00:58:15Is there a record for going round and round?
00:58:17Don't know.
00:58:18But if there is, it's in the back.
00:58:20Right, I think we need to go to a better viewing position to see his run.
00:58:23Let's go with that.
00:58:25With the ridiculous checklist completed, I had to get some speed up so I could cross the start line at
00:58:31full chat.
00:58:35Visor down.
00:58:39It's on the plane now.
00:58:41We're on the plane.
00:58:42It's very stray.
00:58:44It's a badly designed hull.
00:58:48But the hull was the least of my problems.
00:58:51Jesus Christ, he's steering!
00:58:55Oh!
00:58:58It's a nightmare.
00:59:01I can't steer it.
00:59:03I literally cannot steer it.
00:59:06I think he's experimenting with it.
00:59:08I think he's sort of testing.
00:59:10Oh, my God!
00:59:13Oh!
00:59:15It looks pretty good.
00:59:16It looks fabulous.
00:59:17I bet it handles like a dream.
00:59:19Oh, come on!
00:59:20The push into the bloody safety boat.
00:59:24Look, he's making turns.
00:59:25That looks tremendous.
00:59:26Yes!
00:59:28Three times I tried to get the pond bug pointing in the right direction.
00:59:35Absolutely impossible.
00:59:37And then I thought salt it.
00:59:39Put my foot down.
00:59:41And went for it.
00:59:46Oh!
00:59:47Oh, Christ!
00:59:48It's only in my skills that he's keeping this point in the straight line.
00:59:55Oh!
00:59:56And to make matters worse for a man on a speed run, I had no idea how fast I was
01:00:01going.
01:00:01Oh!
01:00:02I've got a GPS speedo, but I can't read it because there isn't any GPS.
01:00:11Why have they given me such shoddy workmanship?
01:00:13Oh, that's it!
01:00:16Oh, that's it!
01:00:18Oh, that's it!
01:00:21Oh, Christ!
01:00:22That's the worst thing I've ever done.
01:00:24Ever!
01:00:25And now, I've got to turn around and do it again.
01:00:28I've got to wait for my own wash to die down.
01:00:31That's what did for Campbell.
01:00:32He went back too quickly.
01:00:38Here we go.
01:00:44That is my foot pinned to the floor!
01:00:49Jesus!
01:00:50It's starting to turn off!
01:00:55It's really bad!
01:01:01And then...
01:01:02Oh, my God!
01:01:03Oh, no!
01:01:04We've got a power problem!
01:01:06I'm losing power!
01:01:09May and Hammond have built a piece of shit here!
01:01:13It sounds a little bit inconsistent.
01:01:17That's maybe him feathering the throttle.
01:01:19He's possibly finessing it to keep it on the plane.
01:01:23Oh, no!
01:01:24Come on!
01:01:34Jesus!
01:01:35A lot of smoke.
01:01:37Well, that was a disaster.
01:01:39I've got no GPS, so I don't know how fast that was.
01:01:42And the engine is cutting out all the time.
01:01:46Basically, it was time for a stern word with the engineering department.
01:01:52Right, you two.
01:01:53Yeah?
01:01:54Not only have you built something ugly and complicated...
01:01:57It's not!
01:01:57No, it's rubbish and lethal.
01:01:59In what way?
01:02:00The worst thing is the steering.
01:02:01You cannot get it going in a straight line.
01:02:04The steering is a horrible compromise,
01:02:05because it's got to work the steering wheel and it's got to steer the boat.
01:02:08No, a horrible compromise is a way of describing it.
01:02:10Oh, lethal is another way.
01:02:13It looked great!
01:02:14It looked great out there!
01:02:15Did it? Yeah!
01:02:16It was doing about four miles an hour.
01:02:18Well, that's a start.
01:02:20Then, an official came on the tannoy to announce my result.
01:02:23It was 46, the bomber.
01:02:26The pilot, Jeremy Carsten.
01:02:28Yeah.
01:02:29South, 47.362.
01:02:32It is 48.274.
01:02:36Average, 47.81.
01:02:39Which is a new national record.
01:02:43We did it!
01:02:45What do you mean, we did it?
01:02:46Would you have swum it?
01:02:47I did it!
01:02:49We did it!
01:02:52Thank you so much.
01:02:54Thank you, thank you.
01:02:58Thank you, thank you all for applauding me.
01:03:02No way, they're applauding us as a team.
01:03:05Listen!
01:03:05I'm sorry to go on about this,
01:03:07but Roger Bannister was the first to break the four-minute mile,
01:03:10not the man who made his shoes.
01:03:12Edward Hillary was the first to go up Everest,
01:03:15not the man who made his rucksack.
01:03:17So?
01:03:17So I was the first, I was the first to do that.
01:03:20I broke the record, not you two.
01:03:22Yeah, the truth is, to be honest, we failed.
01:03:25Well, you didn't fail.
01:03:26I mean, if you'd have spent less time getting your hair cut,
01:03:28more time working on the engine,
01:03:29so that it ran properly,
01:03:32I reckon that thing would probably do 60 or 70.
01:03:35On flat water, it definitely would.
01:03:37Yeah, but the thing is, we gave it the square chines,
01:03:40that really terrible steering,
01:03:42the fantastically complicated knobs and buttons and things.
01:03:46Yeah.
01:03:46Basically, we built a death trap and it didn't work.
01:03:51Well, so you're...
01:03:53Just to get this straight,
01:03:54you were hoping I would become one of the 85% who died
01:03:57trying to break a record?
01:03:58Yes.
01:04:00So we're now actively trying to kill each other.
01:04:03Yes, and we can't even do that properly.
01:04:06Going on that terrible disappointment,
01:04:08it's time to end.
01:04:08Thank you so much for watching.
01:04:10Goodbye!
01:04:10Goodbye!
01:04:40Goodbye!
01:04:43Goodbye!
Comments