- 22 ore fa
- #rowanatkinson
- #blackadder
- #subita
Blackadder (1987) - Stagione 3
Ambientata all'epoca del regno di Elisabetta I. Il protagonista è Lord Edmund Blackadder (interpretato da Rowan Atkinson), un nobile squattrinato, cinico e astuto che cerca di ingraziarsi la potente e lunatica sovrana, rischiando spesso di venire decapitato. Il suo servitore è Baldrick, un misero e stupido omuncolo che cerca di toglierlo dai guai con sghembi piani, stupidi ed inattuabili.
#rowanatkinson #blackadder #subita
Ambientata all'epoca del regno di Elisabetta I. Il protagonista è Lord Edmund Blackadder (interpretato da Rowan Atkinson), un nobile squattrinato, cinico e astuto che cerca di ingraziarsi la potente e lunatica sovrana, rischiando spesso di venire decapitato. Il suo servitore è Baldrick, un misero e stupido omuncolo che cerca di toglierlo dai guai con sghembi piani, stupidi ed inattuabili.
#rowanatkinson #blackadder #subita
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DivertentiTrascrizione
00:00Musica
00:35Oh, Mr Blackadder?
00:36Leave me alone, Balric.
00:38If I'd wanted to talk to a vegetable, I'd have bought one at the market.
00:42Don't you want this message?
00:43No, thank you.
00:44God, I'm wasted here.
00:46There's no life for a man of noble blood being served into a master with the intellect of a jugged
00:51walrus and all the social graces of a potty.
00:55I'm wasted too.
00:57I've been thinking of bettering myself.
00:59Oh, really? How?
01:00I applied for the job of village idiot of Kensington.
01:04Oh, get anywhere?
01:06I got down to the last two, but I failed the final interview.
01:09Oh, what went wrong?
01:10I turned up.
01:11The old woman was such an idiot, he forgot to.
01:14Yes, I'm afraid my ambition stretched slightly further than professional idiocy in West London.
01:19I wouldn't even remember when I'm dead.
01:21I want books written about me.
01:23I want songs sung about me.
01:24And then hundreds of years from now, I want episodes from my life to be played out weekly at half
01:30past nine by some great heroic actor of the age.
01:34Yeah, and I could be played by some tiny tit in a beard.
01:39Right.
01:40Now, what's this message?
01:41I thought you didn't want it.
01:42Well, I may do.
01:43It depends what it is.
01:43So, you do want it?
01:45Well, I don't know, do I?
01:46It depends what it is.
01:47Well, I can't tell you what it is unless you want to know, and you said you didn't want to
01:50know, and now I'm so confused I don't know where I live or what my name is.
01:53Your name is of no importance, and you live in the pipe in the upstairs water closet.
01:59Oh, God.
02:00Was the man who gave you this by any chance a red-headed lunatic with a kilt and a claymore?
02:05Yeah, and the funny thing is, he looked exactly like you.
02:08My mad cousin, Macadder, the most dangerous man ever to wear a skirt in Europe.
02:14Yeah, he come in here playing the bagpipes, then he made a haggis, sang Auld Lang Syne, and punched me
02:19in the face.
02:21Why?
02:21Of course, I called him a not-kneed Scottish pillock.
02:25An unwise action, Baldrick, since mad Macadder is a homicidal maniac.
02:29My mother told me to stand up to homicidal maniacs.
02:32Yes, if this is the same mother who confidently claims that you are a tall, handsome stallion of a man,
02:39you should treat her opinions with extreme caution.
02:41I love my mum.
02:42And I love chops and sauce, but I don't seek their advice.
02:46I hate it when Macadder turns up.
02:48He's such a frog-eyed, beetle-browed basket case.
02:53He's the spittin' image of you.
02:54No, he's not.
02:56About as similar as two completely dissimilar things in a pod.
03:00I just hear a tartan throwback banging on about this time.
03:05They've come south for rebellion.
03:07Oh, God, surprise, surprise.
03:09Staying with McGinn's, the time has come.
03:12Best sword in Scotland.
03:14Insurrection.
03:15Blood.
03:15Large bowl of porridge.
03:18Rightful claim to the throne.
03:20He's mad.
03:20He's mad!
03:21He's madder than Mad Jack MacMad, the winner of last year's Mr. Madman competition.
03:29Ah!
03:30The walrus awakes.
03:34Ah!
03:35Blackadder.
03:36Notice anything unusual?
03:38Yes, sir.
03:39It's 11.30 in the morning and you're moving about.
03:42Is the bed on fire?
03:45Well, I wouldn't know.
03:47I've been out all night.
03:49Guess what I've been doing.
03:54Beagling, sir?
03:56Better even than that.
03:58Sink me, Blackadder, if I haven't just had the most wonderful evening of my life.
04:02Tell me all, sir.
04:04Well, as you know, when I set out, I looked divine.
04:07At the party, as I passed, all eyes turned.
04:10And I dare say, quite a few stomachs.
04:12Well, that's right.
04:13And then, these two ravishing beauties came up to me and whispered in my ear that they
04:20loved me.
04:22And what happened after you woke up, sir?
04:26This was no dream, Blackadder.
04:28Five minutes later, I was in a coach, flying through the London night, bound for the ladies'
04:33home.
04:33Oh, and which ladies' home is this?
04:35A home for the elderly or a home for the mentally disadvantaged?
04:40No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
04:41This was absolutely house.
04:43Do you know it?
04:44Yes, sir.
04:45It is the seat of the Duke of Wellington.
04:46Those ladies, I fancy, would be his nieces.
04:49Oh, so you fancy them too?
04:51Well, I don't blame you.
04:52Bravo!
04:53Oh, I spent a night of ecstasy with a pair of Wellingtons and I loved it.
04:57Sir, it may interest you to know that the Iron Duke has always let it be known that he will
05:02kill in cold blood anyone who takes sexual advantage of any of his relatives.
05:06Yes, but big-nosed Wellington is in Spain fighting the French, you'll never know.
05:10On the contrary, sir.
05:11Wellington triumphed six months ago.
05:13I'm dead.
05:15It would seem so, sir.
05:17I've got a prayer, have I, Blackadder?
05:19Against throat slasher Wellington?
05:21The finest blade his majesty commands?
05:23Not really, no.
05:25Well, then I shall flee.
05:26How's your French, Blackadder?
05:28Parfait, monsieur.
05:29But I fear France would not be far enough.
05:31Well, how's your Mongolian?
05:33Chang-ha-tang-mato-mato-mato.
05:36But I fear Wellington is a close personal friend of the chief Mongol.
05:40They were at Eden together.
05:42I'm doomed, doomed as the dodo.
05:45Oh, my God, he's here!
05:47Wellington's here already!
05:48Oh, your grace, forgive me, forgive me.
05:50I didn't know what I was doing.
05:51I was a mad, mad, sexually overactive fool.
05:54Sir, it's Baudric.
05:56You're perfectly safe.
05:58Hurrah!
05:59Ah, until six o'clock tonight.
06:01Hurrah!
06:02From the Supreme Commander, Allied Forces Europe, sir.
06:06Prince or pauper, when a man soils a Wellington, he puts his foot in it.
06:12This is not a joke.
06:13I do not find my name remotely funny, and people who do end up dead.
06:19I challenge you to a duel tonight at 1800 hours, in which you will die.
06:23Yours with sincere apologies for your impending violent slaughter.
06:27Arthur Wellesley, Duke of Wellington.
06:29Sounds nice, polite sort of bloke.
06:31Oh, don't worry, sir, please.
06:35Just consider that life is a valley of woe filled with pain, misery, hunger and despair.
06:40Well, not for me it bloody isn't.
06:42As far as I'm concerned, life is a big palace full of food, drink and comfy sofas.
06:45May I speak, sir?
06:48Certainly not, Baudric.
06:49The prince is about to die.
06:51The last thing he wants to do in his final moments is exchange pleasantries with a certified plum duff.
06:57Easy, Blackadder.
06:58Let's hear him out.
06:59Very well, Baudric.
07:00We shall hear you out, then throw you out.
07:04Well, your majesty, I have a cunning plan which could get you out of this problem.
07:10Don't listen to him, sir.
07:10It's a cruel proletarian trick to raise your hopes.
07:13I shall have him shot the moment he's finished clearing away your breakfast.
07:17Wait, Blackadder.
07:18Perhaps this disgusting, degraded creature is some sort of blessing in disguise.
07:22Well, if he is, it's a very good disguise.
07:25After all, did not our lord send a lowly earthworm to comfort Moses in his torment?
07:30Nope.
07:32Well, it's the sort of thing you might have done.
07:34Well, come on, Mr. Spotsy, speak.
07:35Well, your majesty, I just thought, this Wellerton bloke's been in Europe for years.
07:40You don't know what he looks like.
07:42He don't know what you look like.
07:44So why don't you get someone else to fight the duel instead of you?
07:48No, but I'm the prince regent.
07:51My portrait hangs on every wall.
07:52Answer that, Baldrick.
07:54Well, my cousin Bert Baldrick, Mr. Gainsborough's butler's dog's body,
07:58he says that he's heard that all portraits look the same these days
08:02because they're painted to a romantic ideal
08:04rather than as a true depiction of the idiosyncratic facial qualities of the person in question.
08:11Your cousin Bert obviously has a larger vocabulary than you do.
08:16No, no, no, he's right, damn him.
08:18Anybody could fight the duel, Willows would never know.
08:21All the same, sir, Baldrick's plan does seem to hinge
08:23on finding someone willing to commit suicide on your behalf.
08:27Oh, yes, yes, yes, but he would be fabulously rewarded.
08:31Money, titles, castle.
08:33A coffin and...
08:34That's right.
08:35I thought maybe Mr. Blackadder himself would fancy the job.
08:39What a splendid idea.
08:41Excuse me, Your Highness, trouble with the staff.
08:48Baldrick, does it have to be this way?
08:51Our valued friendship ending with me cutting you into long strips
08:54and telling the prince that you walked over a very sharp cattle grid
08:58in an extremely heavy hat?
09:01Mr. Blackadder, you was only just saying in the kitchen how you wanted to rise again.
09:05Now here the prince is offering you the lot.
09:07But, tiny, tiny brain, the Iron Duke will kill me.
09:11To even think about taking him on, you'd have to be some kind of homicidal maniac
09:15who's fantastically good at fighting, like Mercadder.
09:18Like Mercadder.
09:19Like Mercadder could fight the duel for me.
09:22My apologies, sir, I was just having a word with my insurance people
09:27and obviously I would be delighted to die on your behalf.
09:31God's toenails, Blackadder, I'm most damnably grateful.
09:33You won't regret this, you know.
09:35Well, that's excellent.
09:36There's just one point, sir.
09:37Ray, the suicide policy.
09:39There is an unusual clause which states that the policyholder
09:43must wear a big red wig and affect a Scottish accent in the combat zone.
09:47Small print, eh?
09:52Ah, Mrs. Miggins.
09:53Now I gather from your look of pie-eyed exhaustion
09:56and the globules of porridge hanging off the wall
09:59that my cousin Mercadder has presented his credentials.
10:02Oh, yes indeed, sir.
10:05You've just missed him.
10:06I hope he's been practising with his claymore.
10:09Oh, I should say so.
10:11I'm as weary as a dog with no legs that's just climbed Ben Nevis.
10:16Claymore is a sword, Mrs. Miggins.
10:18See this intricate wood carving of the infant Samuel at prayer?
10:22He whittled that with the tip of his mighty weapon with his eyes closed.
10:26Yes, excuse me.
10:27He bid me bite on a plank.
10:29There was a whirlwind of steel and within a minute
10:32three men lay dead and I had a lovely new set of gnashers.
10:36Good morning.
10:37Well, look, just tell him to meet me here at five o'clock, will you,
10:39to discuss an extremely cunning plan.
10:41If all goes well, by tomorrow the clan of Mercadder
10:45will be marching the high road back to glory.
10:47Oh, lovely.
10:48I'll do you have a nice packed lunch.
10:51Good news, your highness.
10:52This evening I will carve the duke into an attractive piece of furniture
10:55with some excellent dental work.
10:58Your highness.
11:00Your highness.
11:02Oh!
11:03Oh, thank God it's you, Blackadder.
11:04I've just had work from Wellington.
11:06He's on his way here now.
11:07Oh, that's awkward.
11:08The duke must believe from the very start that I am you.
11:11Yeah, well, any ideas?
11:13There's no alternative, sir.
11:14We must swap clothes.
11:16Oh, fantastic.
11:17Yes, dressing up.
11:18I love it.
11:19It's like that story, uh, the prince and the paupers.
11:22And the pauper.
11:24Oh, yes, yes.
11:25The prince and the paupers and the pauper.
11:31Excellent.
11:32Excellent.
11:32Why, my own father wouldn't recognise me.
11:34Your own father never can.
11:36He's mad.
11:37Who is he?
11:38Unfortunately, sir, you do realise that I shall have to treat you like a servant.
11:42Oh, I think I can cope with that.
11:44Thank you, Blackadder.
11:45And you'll have to get used to calling me Your Highness, Your Highness.
11:49Your Highness, Your Highness.
11:52No, just Your Highness, Your Highness.
11:54That's what I said.
11:55Your Highness, Your Highness.
11:56Your Highness, Your Highness.
11:58Yes, let's just leave that for now, shall we?
12:01Complicated stuff, obviously.
12:03Big Nose is here.
12:06But what?
12:07Who?
12:08Where?
12:09How?
12:10Don't even try to work it out, Baldrick.
12:12Two people you know well have exchanged coats and now you don't know which is which.
12:16I say, I'm pretty confused myself.
12:18Which one of us is Wellington?
12:23Wellington is the man at the door.
12:25Oh, on the paupers?
12:31Hasn't arrived yet, sir.
12:33We'll just have to fill in as best we can with that.
12:36Sir, if you would let the Duke in.
12:38Certainly, Your Highness, Your Highness.
12:43And you'd better get out too, Baldrick.
12:44Yes, Your Highness, Your Highness.
12:48If only they had a brain cell between them.
12:52The Duke of Wellington.
12:54Have I the honour of addressing the Prince Regent, sir?
12:57You do?
12:59Congratulations, Highness.
13:00Your bearing is far nobler than I've been informed.
13:03Take my hat at once, sir, unless you wish to feel my boot in your throat
13:06and be quicker about it than you were with a door.
13:08Yes, my lord.
13:09I'm a Duke, not a lord.
13:11Don't you train a dago dancing class?
13:13Should I have my people thrash him for you, Highness?
13:16Um, no, he's very new.
13:18At the moment, I'm sparing the rod.
13:19Yeah, fatal error.
13:20Give him an inch, and before you know it, they've got a foot.
13:23Much more than that, you don't have a leg to stand on.
13:26Get out!
13:28So, sir, to business.
13:31I'm informed that your royal father grows ever more eccentric,
13:34and at present he believes himself to be
13:36a small village in Lincolnshire,
13:40commanding spectacular views of the Neen Valley.
13:43I therefore pass my full account of the war
13:45on to you, the Prince of Wales.
13:47Oh, that's excellent. Thank you.
13:49We won.
13:51Signed, Wellington.
13:53I've seen something that went well.
13:55Was there anything else?
13:56Two other trifling affairs, sir.
13:57The men had a whip round and got you this.
14:00Well, what I mean is,
14:00I had the men roundly whipped until they got you this.
14:03It's a Cibarillo case,
14:05engraved with the regimental crest
14:07of two crossed dead Frenchmen,
14:09emblaid on a mound of dead Frenchmen motif.
14:13Thank you very much.
14:15And the other trifling thing?
14:16Your impending death, highness.
14:19Oh, yes, of course.
14:20Mind like a sieve.
14:21I cannot deny.
14:22I'm looking forward to it.
14:23Britain has the finest trade,
14:25the finest armies,
14:26the finest navies in the world.
14:28And what do we have for royalty?
14:29A mad, kraut sausage sucker
14:31and a son who can't keep his own sausage to himself.
14:36The sooner you're dead, the better.
14:37You're very kind.
14:39Now, you're no doubt anxious to catch up
14:41with the latest news of the war.
14:42I have here the most recent briefs
14:44from my general in the field.
14:45Yes, well, if you could just pop them
14:46in the laundry basket on the way out.
14:48Tea?
14:49Yes, immediately.
14:54Now, let's turn to the second front, my lord.
14:56Ah, yes.
14:56Now, as I understand it,
14:59Napoleon is in North Africa
15:00and Nelson is stationed in...
15:02Alaska, your highness.
15:04In case Boney should try and trick us
15:06by coming via the North Pole.
15:10Yes, perhaps a preferable stratagem, your grace,
15:13might be to harry him amidships
15:14as he leaves the Mediterranean.
15:17Trafalgar might be quite a good...
15:19Trafalgar?
15:20Well, I'll mention it to Nelson.
15:22I must say, I'm beginning to regret
15:23the necessity of killing you, your highness.
15:25I've been told by everybody
15:26that the prince was a confounded moron.
15:29Oh, no, no, no, no.
15:30Oh, Helen Buckshot,
15:31here's that tiresome servant of yours again.
15:33Oh, budge up, budge up.
15:36How dare you sit, sir,
15:38in the presence of your beggars?
15:39Get up!
15:40Oh, crotch, yes, I forgot.
15:41You speak when you're spoken to!
15:43Unless you'd rather be flayed
15:44across a gun carriage!
15:46Well?
15:48Sir, I fear you have been too long a soldier.
15:51We no longer treat servants that way
15:53in London society.
15:54Why, I hardly touched the man.
15:57I think you hit him very hard.
15:58Nonsense!
15:59That would have been a hard hit!
16:02I just hit him like that!
16:05No, sir.
16:06A soft hit would be like this.
16:08Whereas you hit him like this.
16:19I wonder if I might be excused.
16:21Your Highness, Your Highness.
16:25I'm sorry about that, sir,
16:26but one has to keep up the pretense.
16:28I don't quite understand.
16:29You carry on the good work.
16:30Very well, sir.
16:34Hey, Ron!
16:35This is bloody coffee.
16:36I ordered tea.
16:38You're a funny fool, aren't you?
16:41I'd heard everywhere that the prince
16:42was the imbecile,
16:43whereas his servant, Blackadder,
16:45was respected about the town.
16:47Now that I discover the truth,
16:48I'm disposed to beat you to death.
16:50Tea!
16:51Tea!
16:52Tea!
16:58Tell me,
16:59did you ever stop bullying
17:00and shouting at the lower orders?
17:02No!
17:03There's only one way to win a campaign.
17:05Shout, shout, and shout again!
17:07You don't think, then,
17:09that inspired leadership
17:10and tactical ability
17:11have anything to do with it?
17:13No!
17:14It's all down to shouting!
17:17Ah!
17:19I hear that conditions
17:20in your army are appalling.
17:22Well, I'm sorry,
17:23but those are my conditions
17:24and you'll just have to accept them.
17:26That is, until this evening,
17:27when I shall kill you.
17:29Hmm.
17:29Who knows?
17:30Maybe I shall kill you.
17:31Dear nonsense!
17:32I've never been so much as scratched.
17:34My skin is as smooth
17:36as a baby's bottom.
17:38Which is more than you can say
17:39for my bottom.
17:42One point, sir.
17:43I should perhaps warn you
17:44that while dueling,
17:45I tend to put on my lucky wig
17:48and regimental accent.
17:50That won't help you.
17:51It would take a homicidal maniac
17:53in a claymore and a kilt
17:55to get the better of me.
17:57Well, that's handy.
18:00I tell you, Bald,
18:01I'm not leaving this kitchen
18:02until that man is out of the house.
18:04Oh, that's all right,
18:06Your Majesty.
18:06Don't worry.
18:07I'll deal with this.
18:09Hello, Bald,
18:10Rick, I've brought your buns.
18:12Where's Mr Blackadder?
18:14Oh, not upstairs, though.
18:15running about
18:16after that
18:17port-swilling,
18:18tadpole-brained,
18:20smelly-boots.
18:21I don't know who you mean.
18:25Prince George, Baldrick.
18:27His boots smell so bad
18:28a man would need to have
18:29his nose amputated
18:30before taking them off.
18:32Well, that's what
18:32Mr Blackadder says.
18:34That's a joke.
18:36Didn't you write a little poem
18:37about him last week?
18:38No, I didn't.
18:39Oh, you did.
18:41In the winter, it's cool.
18:43In the summer, it's hot.
18:44But all the year round,
18:46Prince George is a clot.
18:48A lovely.
18:50I said Prince George is a lovely.
18:52Oh, well.
18:53That'll be off, anyway.
18:54Tell Mr Blackadder
18:56to expect Mr Macadder
18:57at five o'clock
18:58as soon as that fat
19:00Prussian truffle pig
19:01has got his
19:01snout wedged
19:02into a bucket of tea cake.
19:06Think it must be next door
19:08your wanting strange woman
19:09who I've never seen before,
19:11Mrs Miggins.
19:14Baldrick.
19:15Yes, Your Highness.
19:16Is it true?
19:17Did you really write a poem
19:19about how lovely I am?
19:23Yes.
19:25And Mr Blackadder loves you too.
19:27Well, I must say,
19:28I find that very touching.
19:29I do.
19:31I wish they wouldn't
19:32keep on doing that.
19:34Well, goodbye, sir.
19:35And may the best man win.
19:37I.E.
19:37Me.
19:40Your tea, sir.
19:41You're late!
19:42Well, how have you been
19:43for in India?
19:46Or Salon?
19:48China!
19:51And don't bother
19:52to show me the way out
19:53so I don't want to die
19:54of old age
19:55before I get to the front door.
19:58Ah, my goodness.
19:59Sir, where's McAdder?
20:00I thought he was going
20:01to be here at five o'clock.
20:02Yes, I'm sorry.
20:03He's just popped out.
20:06You look,
20:06I ever seem similar
20:07to each other, you know.
20:08It's quite eerie.
20:09Look, did you tell him
20:10to be here or not?
20:11I did, I did.
20:12You just seem to keep
20:13missing each other.
20:14I can't imagine why.
20:16I'll tell you why.
20:18That's because
20:19there's no coffee shop
20:20in England
20:20big enough
20:21for two black adders.
20:23Ah, good day,
20:25cousin McAdder.
20:25I trust you are well?
20:27Aye, well enough.
20:28And Morag?
20:30She bides fine.
20:31And how stands
20:32that mighty army,
20:34the clan McAdder?
20:35They're both well.
20:38I always thought
20:39that Jamie and Angus
20:40were such fine boys.
20:41Angus is a girl.
20:45So, tell me, cousin,
20:46I hear you have
20:47a cunning plan.
20:49I do, I do.
20:50I want you
20:51to take the place
20:52of the Prince Regent
20:53and kill the Duke
20:55of Wellington
20:55in a duel.
20:56Aye, and what's
20:58in it for me?
20:58Enough cash
20:59to buy the
21:00Outer Hebrides.
21:01What do you think?
21:02Fourteen shillings
21:03and sixpence.
21:05Well, it's tempting.
21:07But I've got
21:07an even better plan.
21:09Why don't I pretend
21:10to be the Duke
21:11of Wellington
21:11and kill the Prince
21:12of Wales in a duel?
21:14Then I could kill
21:14the king
21:15and be crowned
21:16with the ancient
21:17stone bonnet
21:18of McAdder.
21:19And I shall wear
21:20the granite gown
21:21and limestone bodice
21:22of MacMiggins,
21:24queen of all the herds.
21:26Look, for God's sake,
21:27McAdder,
21:28you're not Rob Roy.
21:29You're a top kipper salesman
21:31with a reputable firm
21:32of Aberdeen fishmongers.
21:34Don't throw it all away.
21:35If you kill the Prince,
21:37they'll just send
21:37the bailiffs round
21:38and arrest you.
21:39Oh, blast.
21:40I forgot the bailiffs.
21:41So we can return
21:42to our original plan, then?
21:44No, I'm not interested.
21:45I'd rather go to bed
21:46with the Loch Lomond monster.
21:48And besides,
21:49I have to be back
21:49in the office on Friday.
21:51I promised Mr. McNulty
21:52I'd shift a particularly
21:53difficult bloater for him.
21:56I hate the whole thing.
21:57I'm off home with Migsy.
21:59Yes, yes.
22:01Show me the glen
22:02where the kipper roams free.
22:04And forget Morag forever.
22:06No, never.
22:07We must do right by Morag.
22:09We must return to Scotland
22:10and you must fight her
22:11in the old Highland way.
22:13Bare-breasted
22:14and each carrying
22:15an eight-pound baby.
22:16Oh, yeah.
22:18Babies!
22:19You're a woman of spirit.
22:21I look forward to
22:22burying you
22:23in the old Highland manor.
22:24Farewell, Blackadder,
22:26you spineless goon.
22:28Oh, God.
22:30Fortune vomits
22:31on my Eiderdown once.
22:36Ah, Blackadder.
22:38It has been a wild afternoon
22:40full of strange omens.
22:42I dreamt that a large eagle
22:44circled the room three times
22:45and then got into bed with me
22:47and took all the blankets.
22:48And then I saw that
22:49it wasn't an eagle at all
22:50but a large black snake.
22:53Also, Duncan's horses
22:54did turn and eat each other
22:55as usual.
22:57Do portents for your duel,
22:59do you think?
22:59Not very good, sir.
23:00I'm afraid the duel is off.
23:02Off?
23:03As in sod.
23:04I'm not doing it.
23:06What?
23:06Thunder, here's a pretty game.
23:08You will stay, sir,
23:09and do duty by your prince
23:10or I shall...
23:11Oh, what?
23:12You port-brained twerp.
23:15I've looked after you
23:16all my life.
23:17Even when we were babies,
23:18I had to show you
23:19which bit of your mother
23:20was serving the drinks.
23:22Oh, please, please,
23:24you've got to help me.
23:25I don't want to die.
23:26I've got so much to give.
23:27I want more time.
23:29A poignant, please, sir,
23:30enough to melt
23:31the stoniest of hearts,
23:32but the answer, I'm afraid,
23:33must remain
23:33you're going to die,
23:35fat pig.
23:37Oh, wait, wait, wait.
23:39I'll give you everything.
23:42Everything?
23:43Everything.
23:44The money, the castles,
23:45the jewellery?
23:46Yes.
23:46The highly artistic
23:47but also highly illegal
23:49set of French lithographs?
23:50Everything.
23:51The amusing clock
23:53where the little man
23:53comes out and drops
23:54his trousers every half hour?
23:56Yes, yes, all right.
23:58Very well, I accept.
23:59A man may fight
24:00for many things.
24:01His country,
24:02his principles,
24:03his friends,
24:04the glistening tear
24:05on the cheek
24:05of a golden child.
24:07But personally,
24:08I'd mud-wrestle
24:09my own mother
24:10for a ton of cash
24:11and amusing clock
24:12and a sack
24:12of French porn.
24:14Yeah, right.
24:15Hurrah!
24:19Right, Baldrick,
24:19now here's the plan.
24:20When he offers me
24:21the swords,
24:22I kick him on the nuts
24:23and you set fire
24:24to the building.
24:26In the confusion,
24:27we claim a draw.
24:28All right?
24:29Now, your highness,
24:31let's be about our business.
24:32Now, don't forget, Baldrick,
24:33you,
24:34when I...
24:37come, sir,
24:38choose your stoker.
24:42What, are we going
24:43to tickle each other
24:44to death?
24:45No, sir,
24:46we fight with cannon.
24:47But I thought
24:48what we're fighting
24:48was swords.
24:50Swords?
24:50What do you think this is?
24:51The Middle Ages?
24:53Only girls fight
24:54with swords these days.
24:56Stand by again, sir.
24:58A toothy!
24:58A toothy!
24:59Wait a minute, fucker.
25:01Stand by cannon
25:02for loading procedure.
25:04Spoke,
25:05muzzle,
25:06grant,
25:06crank the swords.
25:07Congratulations
25:08on choosing
25:08the Armstrong Whitworth
25:11four-pounder
25:13cannonet.
25:15Please read instructions
25:16carefully
25:17and it should give you
25:18years of trouble-free
25:19maiming.
25:21Check elevation,
25:23chart trajectory,
25:25prime fuse,
25:26aim.
25:28Look, wait a minute.
25:29FIRE!
25:32Mr. B, sir,
25:34please,
25:34help me get his coat off.
25:36Leave it, Maldry.
25:37It doesn't matter.
25:38Yes, it does.
25:39Blood's hell to shift.
25:40I want to get it in soap.
25:42You die like a man, sir,
25:43in combat.
25:45You think so?
25:46Damn it,
25:47we must build
25:47a better world.
25:48When will the killing end?
25:50You don't think
25:51I, too,
25:51dream of peace?
25:53You don't think
25:53I, too,
25:54yearn to end
25:55this damn dirty job
25:56we call soldiering?
25:58Frankly, no.
25:59My final wish
26:00upon this earth
26:01is that Baldrick
26:02be sold
26:02to provide funds
26:04for a Blackadder
26:05foundation
26:05to promote peace
26:06and to do research
26:07into the possibility
26:08of an automatic machine
26:10for cleaning shoes.
26:12Also, I charge...
26:15His Highness is dead.
26:18Actually, I'm not sure
26:19I am.
26:20Fortunately,
26:21that cigarillo box
26:22you gave me
26:23was placed exactly
26:24at the point
26:24the cannonball struck.
26:27I always said
26:28smoking was good for you.
26:31Honour is satisfied.
26:33God clearly preserves
26:34you for greatness.
26:35His Highness is saved.
26:37Hurrah!
26:38Um, no, actually.
26:40It's me.
26:41I'm His Highness.
26:42Well done, Bladders.
26:43Glad you made it.
26:43What in the name
26:44of Bonaparte's balls
26:46is this fellow doing now?
26:48No, no,
26:48I really am the prince.
26:49It was all just larks.
26:51An uncommon fine larks
26:52at that, I thought.
26:53I have never
26:53in all my campaigns
26:55encountered such insolence.
26:57Your master survives
26:58an honourable duel
26:59and you cheek him
27:01like a French whoopsie.
27:02I can contain myself
27:04no longer.
27:08I die.
27:09I hope men will say
27:11of me that
27:11I did duty
27:13by my country.
27:14I think that's
27:14pretty unlikely, sir.
27:16If I was you,
27:17I'd try for something
27:18a bit more realistic.
27:19Like what?
27:20You hope that men
27:21will think of you
27:21as a bit of a thickie?
27:23All right, then.
27:24I'll hope that.
27:25Um, toodaloo, everyone.
27:26Let you know and all that.
27:27Heal for His Majesty,
27:29the King of England.
27:31Somebody told me
27:32my son was here.
27:33I wish him
27:35to marry
27:36this rosebush
27:38and I want to make
27:40the wedding arrangements.
27:43Here I am,
27:45Daddy.
27:46This is the Iron Duke,
27:48Wellington,
27:49commander of all
27:49your armed forces.
27:50Yes, I recognise
27:52the enormous conch.
27:54He's a hero,
27:55a man of wit and discretion.
27:56Bravo.
27:58You know my son
27:59for the first time
28:00in my life.
28:01I have a real
28:02fatherly feeling
28:03about you.
28:04People may say
28:05I'm stark raving mad
28:07and say the word
28:08penguin
28:09after each sentence.
28:10I believe
28:11we too
28:12can make Britain great.
28:15You as the
28:15Prince Regent
28:16and I
28:17as King Penguin.
28:20Well, that's okay.
28:22Will you come
28:23and dine with us
28:24at the palace?
28:24My family
28:25have a lot
28:26to thank you for.
28:27Yeah,
28:27it'll be a great pleasure.
28:28Your father
28:29may be as mad
28:29as a balloon
28:30but I think
28:31you have
28:31the makings
28:32of a fine king.
28:33Ah,
28:33a wunderbare
28:34Hochzeit,
28:35ja?
28:36Owen Baldrick,
28:37clear away
28:38that dead
28:39butler,
28:39will you?
28:43A new star
28:44in heaven tonight.
28:46A new freckle
28:47on the nose
28:48of the giant pixie.
28:51Um,
28:51no,
28:52actually,
28:52Baldrick,
28:52I'm not dead.
28:53You see,
28:54I had a
28:54cigarillo box too.
28:56Look.
28:57Oh,
28:58damn,
28:58I must have
28:58left it on the dresser.
29:00Oh,
29:24damn,
29:25I must have left it on the dresser.
29:36Blackadder,
29:38blackadder,
29:40blackadder,
29:43blackadder,
29:45blackadder.
29:47Black.
29:47Grazie
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