- 11 minuti fa
- #rowanatkinson
- #blackadder
- #subita
Blackadder (1987) - Stagione 3
Ambientata all'epoca del regno di Elisabetta I. Il protagonista è Lord Edmund Blackadder (interpretato da Rowan Atkinson), un nobile squattrinato, cinico e astuto che cerca di ingraziarsi la potente e lunatica sovrana, rischiando spesso di venire decapitato. Il suo servitore è Baldrick, un misero e stupido omuncolo che cerca di toglierlo dai guai con sghembi piani, stupidi ed inattuabili.
#rowanatkinson #blackadder #subita
Ambientata all'epoca del regno di Elisabetta I. Il protagonista è Lord Edmund Blackadder (interpretato da Rowan Atkinson), un nobile squattrinato, cinico e astuto che cerca di ingraziarsi la potente e lunatica sovrana, rischiando spesso di venire decapitato. Il suo servitore è Baldrick, un misero e stupido omuncolo che cerca di toglierlo dai guai con sghembi piani, stupidi ed inattuabili.
#rowanatkinson #blackadder #subita
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00:00Musica
00:39You look smart, Mr. Blackadder, going somewhere nice.
00:42No, I'm off to the theatre.
00:45Don't you like it, then?
00:46No, I don't.
00:47A load of stupid actors strutting around, shouting with their chests thrust out so far,
00:53you'd think their nipples were attached to a pair of charging elephants.
00:56And the worst thing about it is having to go with Prince Mini-Brain.
01:00Well, doesn't he like it either?
01:02No, no, he loves it.
01:03The problem is he doesn't realise it's made up.
01:06Last year, when Brutus was about to kill Julius Caesar,
01:09the prince yelled out,
01:10Look behind you, Mr. Caesar.
01:13I can't see the point in the theatre.
01:15All that sex and violence.
01:17I'll get enough of that at home.
01:19Stop with the sex, of course.
01:21And while we're out, Maldrick, I want you to give this palace a good clean.
01:25It's so dirty, it'll be unacceptable to a dung beetle
01:28that had lost interest in its career and really let itself go.
01:32Come on, black animal.
01:34We'll miss the first act.
01:35Coming, sir, as fast as I can.
01:38Stick the kettle on, Maldrick.
01:41Now, sir, give I this advice to thee.
01:45Never, never, never trust thine enemy.
01:58Thy life is forfeit, sir.
02:04Thy life is forfeit, sir.
02:06And at an end, like our poor play,
02:10we hope it pleased you, friend.
02:14Certainly not, you murdering rotter.
02:17Gods, arrest that man.
02:19By the way, it's only a play.
02:21Oh, well, that's all very well, but what about the poor fellow who's dead?
02:23Saying it's only a play will not feed and clothe the little ones he leaves behind.
02:27Call the militia.
02:28But, sir, he's not dead.
02:30See, he stands, awaiting your applause.
02:32Oh, I see.
02:33That's very clever.
02:35He's really dead.
02:36Oh, bravo.
02:37Bravo.
02:40Last, the prince likes it.
02:42Oh, shit.
02:43We'll close tonight.
02:46For the widow, smash the spinning jenny.
02:49Burn the rolling Rosalind.
02:51Destroy the going up and down a bit and then moving along Gertrude.
02:54And death to the stupid prince who wrote that on the prophets.
02:58I say, how exciting.
02:59This play's getting better and better.
03:01Bravo.
03:03It's not a play anymore, sir.
03:07Put the bomb down and make your way quietly to the exit.
03:13You old thing.
03:14You old companies.
03:14You can't tell when something's real or when it's not.
03:20I must say, Blackadder, that was a close shave.
03:23Why on earth would an anarchist possibly want to kill you?
03:30I think it might have been you he was after, sir.
03:33Oh, hogwash.
03:34What on earth makes you say that?
03:35Well, my suspicions were first aroused by his use of the words, death to the stupid prince.
03:42It was a bit rude, wasn't it?
03:44These are volatile times, your highness.
03:46The American Revolution lost your father, the colonies.
03:49The French Revolution murdered brave King Louis.
03:52And there are tremendous rumblings in Prussia.
03:54Although that might be something to do with the sausages.
03:57The whole world cries out peace, freedom, and a few less fat bastards eating all the pie.
04:04Well, yes, quite.
04:05I mean, something must be done.
04:07Any ideas?
04:08Yes, sir.
04:09Next week, it is your royal father's birthday celebrations.
04:12I suggest that I write a brilliant speech for you to recite.
04:16to show the oppressed masses how unusually sensitive you are.
04:21Look, tell me about these oppressed masses.
04:23What are they so worked up about?
04:25They're worked up, sir, because they're so poor,
04:27they are forced to have children simply to provide a cheap alternative to turkey at Christmas.
04:35Disease and deprivation stalk our land like two giant stalking things.
04:42And the working man is poised to overthrow us.
04:45Oh, my God, and here he is!
04:48Don't be silly, sir.
04:49That's Baldrick, my dog's body.
04:51What's silly about that?
04:52He looks like an oppressed mass to me.
04:54Get him out of here at once!
04:55Shoo, Baldrick.
04:56Carry on with your cleaning elsewhere.
04:57And by the end of tonight, I want that dining table so clean I could eat my dinner off it.
05:05Crikey, Blackadder, I'm dicing with death here.
05:08The sooner I can show how unusually sensitive I am, the better.
05:13I've just had another brilliant thought.
05:15Another one, Your Highness?
05:17Yes, another one, actually.
05:18You remember that one I had about wearing underwear on the outside to save on laundry bills?
05:24I'm thinking to myself,
05:25Hello, why don't we ask those two actor chappies we saw tonight to teach me how to recite your speech?
05:30Brilliant, eh?
05:30No, Your Highness.
05:31That's feeble.
05:33What?
05:34I would advise against it.
05:35It's a feeble idea.
05:37Well, tish and pish to your advice, Blackadder.
05:39Get them here at once.
05:41Dammit, I'm fed up with you treating me as if I'm some kind of a thicky.
05:44It's not me that's thick, it's you.
05:46Do you know why?
05:46Because I'm a bloody prince and you're only a butler.
05:49I don't get those actors this minute,
05:51Mr. Thicky, Black, Thicky, Adder, Thicky.
06:04Listen, Meggins, I'm looking for a couple of actors.
06:08Well, you've come to the right place, Mr. B.
06:09There's more Shakespearean dialogue in here than there are buns.
06:13But all my lovely actors got in on their way to Recastle for a little cup of coffee and a
06:20big dollop of inspiration.
06:23You mean they actually rehearse?
06:24I thought they just got drunk, stuck on a silly hat and trusted to luck.
06:29No, there's ever so much hard work goes into the wonderful magic that is theatre today.
06:38Still, I don't expect you'd know much about that, being only a little butler.
06:44They do say, Mrs. M., that verbal insults hurt more than physical pain.
06:49They are, of course, wrong, as you will soon discover.
06:53Can I stick this toasting fork in your head?
06:57Ladies and gentlemen, will you please welcome Mr. David Keenry and the fabulous Mr. Enoch Mothler.
07:05Gentlemen, gentlemen.
07:06Oh, settle down, settle down.
07:08I'm sorry, no autographs.
07:10My usual, Mrs. Holmes.
07:12Oh, coming up, my lovely.
07:14Well, if I can just squeeze through this admiring rubble.
07:19Gentlemen.
07:20I've come with a proposition.
07:22How dare you, sir?
07:24You think just because we're actors we sleep with everyone?
07:28I think being actors you're lucky to sleep with anyone.
07:31I come here on behalf of my employer to ask for some elocution lessons.
07:37Yeah, sir, that is quite impossible.
07:39We are in the middle of rehearsing our new play.
07:42We could not possibly betray our beloved audience by taking time off.
07:47Oh, no.
07:48Mustn't upset the punters.
07:49Bums on seats, laddie.
07:51Bums on seats.
07:52And what play is this?
07:55It is a piece we penned ourselves, called the bloody murder of the foul Prince Romero and his enormous bosomed
08:04wife.
08:06A philosophical work, then.
08:09Indeed, yes, sir.
08:10The violence of the murder and the vastness of the bosom are entirely justified, artistically.
08:17Right.
08:17Well, I'll tell the Prince that you can't make it.
08:19Prince?
08:20Sorry, yes.
08:21Didn't I mention that?
08:22It's the Prince Regent.
08:23Shame you can't make it.
08:24No, no, no, no, no, sir, please.
08:26No, please wait, sir.
08:28Off, off.
08:30Sir, I think we can find some time, do you not, Mr. Keenry?
08:34Definitely, Mr. Russell.
08:36No, no, you've got your beloved audience to think about, huh?
08:38Oh, sod the proles, Will.
08:42Yes, worthless bastards to a man.
08:44Well, it's nice to see artistic integrity thriving so strongly in the afternoon.
08:49Well, this afternoon at four, then, at the palace.
08:55Well, what do you think?
08:57Are you ill or something?
09:00No, I'm simply trying to look more like an actor.
09:03Well, I'm sure you don't need the false moustache.
09:05No?
09:06No.
09:07No!
09:09Big gout!
09:10It's had a pressed mass again!
09:13No, sir, that is Baldrick's spring cleaning.
09:17Oh, yes, so it is.
09:19Finish the job later, Baldrick.
09:20Very well, sir.
09:21The cleaning or the being strangled?
09:24Neither suits me.
09:27Look, Blackadder, this is all getting a bit hairy, isn't it?
09:29I mean, are you sure we can even trust these acting fellows?
09:32Last time he went to the theatre, three of them murdered Julius Caesar.
09:36One of them was his best friend, Brutus.
09:38As I have told you about eight times,
09:41the man playing Julius Caesar was an actor called Kemp.
09:46Really?
09:47Yes.
09:49Thundering gherkins.
09:50Well, Brutus must have been pretty miffed when he found out.
09:53What?
09:54That he hadn't killed Caesar after all,
09:56just some poxy actor called Kemp.
09:58Everything he did, go around to Caesar's place after the play and kill him then.
10:01Oh, God, it's pathetic.
10:10Is that the door?
10:11Oh, don't worry, it's just the actors.
10:15My Uncle Baldrick was in a play once.
10:17Really?
10:18Yeah, it was called Macbeth.
10:20And what did he play?
10:22Second codpiece.
10:26Macbeth wore him in the fight scenes.
10:30So he was a stunt codpiece.
10:36Did he have a large part?
10:43Depends who's playing Macbeth.
10:46Now, incidentally, Baldrick, actors are very superstitious.
10:49On no account to mention the word Macbeth this evening, all right?
10:53Why not?
10:53It brings them bad luck and it makes them very unhappy.
10:57Oh, so you won't be mentioning it either?
10:59No.
11:01Well, not very often.
11:05You should have knocked.
11:07I won't knock, you impertinent butler,
11:09I was loud enough to wake the hounds of hell.
11:13Lead on, my God.
11:15I shall.
11:21Lest you continue in your quotation
11:23and mention the name of the Scottish play.
11:26Oh, never fear, I shan't do that.
11:30By the Scottish play, I assume you mean Macbeth.
11:33Ah!
11:34Not the trade who holds his stores,
11:36but we may come in.
11:37Ah!
11:39What was that?
11:40You exorcising evil spirits.
11:42Being but a mere butler,
11:45you will not know the great theatre tradition
11:47that one does never speak the name of the Scottish play.
11:51What, Macbeth?
11:52Ah!
11:53Hot potato, hot straws, buck will make amends.
11:56Ah!
11:57Good Lord, you mean you have to do that
11:58every time I say Macbeth?
12:00Ah!
12:01Hot potato, hot straws, buck will make amends.
12:05Will you please stop saying that?
12:08Always call it the Scottish play.
12:10So you want me to say the Scottish play?
12:12Yes!
12:13Rather than Macbeth.
12:14Ah!
12:15Hot potato, hot straws, buck will make amends.
12:18I have to say, what is all this hullabaloo?
12:20All this shouting and screaming and yelling blue murder?
12:23Why, it's like that play we saw the other day.
12:25What was it called?
12:26Macbeth, sir?
12:27Ah!
12:28Hot potato, hot straws, buck will make amends.
12:31Oh!
12:32No, no, no, no, no.
12:33It was called Julius Caesar.
12:35Oh, yes, of course.
12:36Julius Caesar.
12:38Not Macbeth.
12:39Ah!
12:40Hot potato, hot straws, buck will make amends.
12:42Ah!
12:44Are you sure you want these people to stay?
12:46Of course I asked them, didn't I, Mr. Thickey Butler?
12:50Your Royal Highness, may I say what a great honour it is to be invited here.
12:54Why, certainly.
12:54Thank you.
12:55What a great honour that it is to be invited here,
12:59to make Mary in the halls of our King's Loinsmith's glorious outpouring.
13:07Now, Your Highness, shall we begin straight away?
13:09Absolutely, yes.
13:10Now, I've got this...
13:11Before we inspect the script, let us have a look at Stance.
13:17Right.
13:17Yes.
13:18Now, the ordinary fellow stands like, well, as you do now.
13:22Whereas, your hero stands thus.
13:27Right.
13:28Now, it's sort of like this.
13:30Excellent choice.
13:32Even more so.
13:34Oh, oh, sort of like that.
13:39What's that noise?
13:40Well, it wasn't me.
13:43We are used to standing in this position.
13:48Right.
13:49Came from over here.
13:52Anarchist!
13:53Cleaner!
13:54All right, sir, you've had a wash.
13:55That's no excuse.
13:56Die!
13:58That is Baldrick's spring cleaning.
14:01Look here, Shloky's got a bomb!
14:02It's not a bomb, sir.
14:04It's a sponge.
14:06Oh, yes, sir, it is.
14:07Well, get it out of here at once before it explodes.
14:11Um, Clouse, Stance, I'm sorry about that.
14:13I think we really had something there, so...
14:15Oh, yes, your highness.
14:16Why, your very posture tells me here is a man of true greatness.
14:21Either that or here are my genitals.
14:24Please...
14:27Sir, I really must ask that this ill-educated oaf be removed from the room.
14:33Yes, get out, sir.
14:35Your presence here is as useful as fine-boned china at a tea party for drunken elephants.
14:40Is that right?
14:42Well, yes, hang it on.
14:43Get out, Blackadder, and stop corking our juices.
14:45Certainly, your highness.
14:46Yes, I'll leave you to dribble in private.
14:53Something wrong, Mr. B?
14:54I'm just about heading up to here with that, Prince.
14:56One more insult, and I'll be handing in my notice.
14:59Oh, does that mean I'll be butler?
15:00Not unless some kindly passing surgeon
15:03cuts your head open with a spade and sticks a new brain in it.
15:06Oh, no.
15:07I don't know why I put up with it.
15:09I really don't.
15:10Every year at the Guild of Butler's Christmas Party,
15:13I'm the one who has to wear the red nose and the pointy hat
15:16for winning the Who's Got the Stupidest Master competition.
15:19Well, all I can say is he'd better watch out.
15:22One more foot wrong, and the contract between us
15:25will be as broken as this milk jug.
15:27But that milk jug isn't broken.
15:29You really do walk into these things, don't you?
15:38Excellent.
15:39And now, sir, at last, the speech.
15:42Right.
15:46No, no, no, no, no, no, Your Royal Highness.
15:50What have you forgotten?
15:52Oh, now look, if I stand any more heroically than this,
15:54I'm in danger of seriously disappointing my future queen.
15:58No, Your Highness, not the stance.
16:02The roar.
16:03You want me to roar?
16:05Well, of course, we wish you to roar.
16:08All great oristers roar before commencing their speeches.
16:11It is the way of things.
16:13Now, Mr. Kinric, from your hamlet, please.
16:18Oh, to be or not to be.
16:27And from your Julius Caesar.
16:31Oh, friends, Romans, countrymen.
16:38And from your leading character in a play connected with Scotland.
16:43That's Macbeth, isn't it?
16:46Oh, the danger of Mr. Stoltzbuck will make amends.
16:49Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
16:58no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
17:06Excellent, sir.
17:09Now, sir, I'm putting it all together.
17:15Roar!
17:18I'm accustomed as I am to...
17:24Alas, I fear you mew it like a frightened tree.
17:29May I see the speech?
17:32Thank you.
17:36Oh, no, no, no, no.
17:42Who wrote this drivel?
17:45Oh.
17:49Is there a problem with the speech?
17:53Well, yes, there is a problem, actually.
17:56The problem is that you wrote it, Mr. Hopelessly Drivel-y Can't-Write-For-Toffee-Crappy-Butler-Weed.
18:08Whoops.
18:14I want a good supper, sir.
18:15Yes.
18:16Preferably something that has first passed through the digestive system of the cat.
18:21And you have to take it up yourself.
18:23Why?
18:24Because I'm leaving, Balderick.
18:26I'm about to enter the job market.
18:29Right, let's see.
18:31Situation's vacant.
18:33Mr. and Mrs. Pitt are looking for a baby-minder to take Pitt the Younger to Parliament.
18:40Mr. Philical George Stevenson has invented a moving kettle.
18:45Not someone to help with the marketing.
18:48Oh, there's a foreign opportunity here.
18:50Treacherous, malicious, unprincipled cad, preferably non-smoker, wanted to be king of Sardinia.
18:57No time wasters, please.
19:00By Napoleon Bonaparte, P.O. Box 1, Paris.
19:04Right, sir.
19:05We're on our way.
19:09Oh, sir.
19:11About costume.
19:13Any thoughts?
19:14Well, enormous trousers, certainly.
19:18Certainly.
19:18Um, and then I thought perhaps an admiral's uniform.
19:21Because we know what all the nice girls love, don't we?
19:25I tell you what, why don't I go and try them on for you?
19:27Oh, a super idea.
19:28Um, help yourselves to whine.
19:30You'll need a stiff drink when you see the size of these damn trousers.
19:36Oh, my dear, what a ghastly evening.
19:38You're so right, love.
19:39Look, while he's gone, why don't we have a quick read through of the murder of Prince Romero and his
19:45enormously bosom work?
19:46Act 1, scene 1.
19:49Springer's come with all his gentle showers.
19:52Methinks it is time to hack the prince to death.
19:55Baudrick?
19:55I would like to say how much I will miss your honest and friendly companionship.
20:00Oh, thank you, Mr. B.
20:02Well, as we both know, it would be an utter lie.
20:05I will therefore confine myself to saying simply, sod off.
20:10If I ever meet you again, it'll be 20 billion years too soon.
20:15Goodbye, you lazy, big-nosed, rubber-faced bastard.
20:26I fear, Baudrick, that you will soon be eating those badly chosen words.
20:30I wouldn't bet you a single groat that you could survive five minutes here without me.
20:35Oh, come on, Mr. B.
20:37It's not as though we're going to get murdered or anything the minute you leave, is it?
20:40Hope springs eternal, Baudrick.
20:44Coming!
20:46Oh, let's kill the prince.
20:50He shall strike first.
20:52Let me, and let this dagger's point prick out his soft eyeball,
20:58and sup with glee upon its exquisite jelly.
21:04Have you the stomach?
21:06I have not killed him yet, sir.
21:09But when I do, I shall have the stomach and the liver too.
21:13and the floppy-doppy-doppilys in their horrid gloom.
21:20What if a servant should hear us in our plotting?
21:23Ha-ha!
21:24Then shall we have servant sausages for tea
21:28and servant ristals shall our supper be.
21:36Murder, murder, murder
21:38The revolution started
21:40What?
21:40A plot, a plot to kill you
21:42Ah, so you've come clean at last, have you, you bloody little poor person
21:46No, not me, the actors downstairs, they're anarchists
21:49Anarchists?
21:50Yeah, I heard them plotting
21:51They're going to poke out your liver, turn me into a wrist hole
21:54And then suck on your exquisite floppy-doppy-doppy-s
21:57What are we going to do?
21:58Well, Mr Blackadder says, when the going gets tough, the tough hide under the table
22:04Well, of course, well, where is he?
22:06Oh, he's in Sardinia
22:07What? Why?
22:08Well, you were rude to him, so he left
22:11Oh, no, what a mad, blundering, incredibly handsome young link-a-boop I've been
22:16Oh, what are we going to do?
22:17If we go downstairs, they'll chop us up and eat us alive
22:20Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no
22:22Shh, shh, shh, shh
22:35Good evening, Goiners
22:36Oh, Blackadder
22:37Four minutes, twenty-two seconds, Warwick
22:40You owe me a groat
22:42Thank God you're here, we desperately need you
22:44Oh, me, sir
22:45Mr Thickey Black Thickey Adder Thickey
22:49Oh, tish nonsense
22:50Mr Hopelessly Drively Can't Write for Toffee Crappy Butler Week
22:54Yes, Mr Brilliantly Undervalued Butler Who Hasn't Had A Raise In A Fortnight
23:00Take an extra thousand
23:02Guineas
23:03Per month
23:04All right, what's your problem?
23:07What, the actors have turned out to be vicious anarchists
23:09They intend to kill us all
23:10What, are they going to bore us to death?
23:13No, no, no, no, stab us
23:14Baldrick overheard them
23:15I did?
23:15Are you sure they meant it, sir?
23:16Oh, I'm quite sure, Baldrick, how far apart were their legs?
23:18Oh, this far
23:20Yeah, and their nipples?
23:21That far
23:21All right, sir, I'll see what I can do
23:24To torture him, I lust
23:28Let's singe his hair
23:29And up his nostrils
23:32Hot bananas thrust
23:37Rehearsal's going well, gentlemen
23:38Begone
23:39A mere butler with the intellectual capacity of a squashed apricot can be of no use to us
23:45Indeed, yes, sir
23:46Your participation is as irritating as a potted cactus in a monkey's pyjamas
23:53Well, in that case, I won't interrupt you any longer
23:56Sorry to disturb, gentlemen
24:01Oh, Blackadder, thank God you're safe
24:05Well, what happened?
24:05Sir, there was no need to panic
24:07It was all perfectly straightforward
24:09Well?
24:10They're traitors, sir
24:12They must be arrested, brutally tortured and executed forthwith
24:16Robo!
24:19But your highness, there's been a terrible mistake
24:23That's what they were bound to say, sir
24:25It was a play, sir
24:27A play
24:27Look, all the words you heard written down on that paper
24:31Textbook stuff again, you see
24:32The criminal's vanity always makes them make one tiny but fatal mistake
24:36Theirs was to have their entire conspiracy
24:39Printed and published in play manuscript
24:42Take them away
24:43We beg for mercy
24:44Mercy, please, sir
24:46Mercy
24:46I've only got one thing to say to you
24:48Macbeth
24:55Well done, Bladder
24:56How could I ever thank you?
24:57Well, you can start by not calling me Bladder, sir
25:01Macbeth
25:01Of course, Bladder
25:03No sooner said than done
25:04No hard feelings?
25:05Oh, absolutely not, sir
25:06It's good to be back in the saddle
25:08Did I say saddle?
25:09I meant harness
25:11Bravo!
25:12So we're the best of friends as ever we were
25:14Absolutely, sir
25:15Hurrah!
25:16In fact, now that the evil Mossop and Keenrick have got their comeuppance
25:19The Drury Lane Theatre is free
25:21I thought we might celebrate by staging a little play that I've written
25:25Oh, what an excellent idea
25:26And with my newfound acting skills
25:29Might there be a part in it for me, do you think?
25:30I was hoping that you might play the title role, sir
25:33What a roaringly good idea
25:35What's the play called?
25:36Thick Jack Clot Sits in the Stocks
25:39And Gets Pelted with Rancid Tomatoes
25:43Excellent!
26:07I won't know
26:10Oh oh oh
26:12Ma ma ma ma na
26:16Ma ma ma ma ma
26:21Ador
26:22Black Ador
26:24Black Ador
26:26Black Ador
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