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Blackadder (1987) - Stagione 3

Ambientata all'epoca del regno di Elisabetta I. Il protagonista è Lord Edmund Blackadder (interpretato da Rowan Atkinson), un nobile squattrinato, cinico e astuto che cerca di ingraziarsi la potente e lunatica sovrana, rischiando spesso di venire decapitato. Il suo servitore è Baldrick, un misero e stupido omuncolo che cerca di toglierlo dai guai con sghembi piani, stupidi ed inattuabili.

#rowanatkinson #blackadder #subita
Trascrizione
00:28Musica
00:35Oh! Oh! Oh! Blackadder! Blackadder!
00:39Your Highness.
00:40What time is it?
00:41Three o'clock in the afternoon, Your Highness.
00:44Oh, thank God for that. I thought I'd overslept.
00:46I trust you had a pleasant evening, sir.
00:49Well, no, actually. The most extraordinary thing happened.
00:53Last night I was having a bit of a snack at the naughty Hellfire Club,
00:56and some fellow said that I had the wit and sophistication of a donkey.
01:01Oh, an absurd suggestion, sir.
01:03You're right, it is absurd.
01:04Unless, of course, it was a particularly stupid donkey.
01:09See, if only I'd thought of saying that.
01:11Well, there is so often the way, sir, too late one thinks of what one should have said.
01:15Sir Thomas More, for instance, burned alive for refusing to recant his Catholicism,
01:20must have been kicking himself as the flames licked higher,
01:23but it never occurred to him to say,
01:25I recant my Catholicism.
01:27Well, yes, you see, only the other day,
01:29Prime Minister Pitt called me an idle scrounger.
01:32And it wasn't until ages later that I thought how clever it would have been
01:35to have said,
01:36Oh, bugger off, you old fart!
01:39I need to improve my mind, Blackadder.
01:42I want people to say,
01:43That George, why, he's as clever as a stick in a bucket of pig swill.
01:47And how do you suggest this miracle is to be achieved, Your Highness?
01:51Easy.
01:51I shall become best friends with the cleverest man in England.
01:56That renowned brain box, Dr. Samuel Johnson, has asked me to be patron of this new book,
02:00that I intend to accept.
02:02Would this be the long-awaited dictionary, sir?
02:05Who cares about the title, as long as there's plenty of juicy murders in it?
02:08I hear it's a masterpiece.
02:09No, sir, it is not.
02:11It's the most pointless book since How to Learn French was translated into French.
02:18You haven't got anything personal against Johnson, have you, Blackadder?
02:22Good Lord, sir, not at all.
02:24In fact, I'd never heard of him until you mentioned him just now.
02:27But you do think he's a genius?
02:29No, sir, I do not.
02:30Unless, of course, the definition of genius in his ridiculous dictionary
02:34is a fat dullard or wobble-bottom
02:38a compass ass with sweaty dewflap.
02:43Well, close shave there, then.
02:45Lucky you warned me.
02:46I was about to embrace this unholy arse to the royal bosom.
02:50I'm delighted to have been instrumental in keeping your bosom free of arses.
02:55Bravo!
02:56Don't want to waste my valuable time with wobble-bottoms.
02:59I'll touch some tea, will you, Blackadder?
03:01Certainly, sir.
03:01Oh, and make it two cups, will you?
03:03That splendid brain box, Dr Johnson's coming round.
03:10Something wrong, Mr B?
03:12No, something's always wrong, Borders.
03:16The fact that I'm not a millionaire aristocrat
03:18with the sexual capacity of a rutting rhino is a constant niggle.
03:23But today, something's even wronger.
03:25That globulus fraud, Dr Johnson, is coming to tea.
03:29I thought he was the cleverest man in England.
03:31Baldrick, I'd bump into cleverer people
03:33at a lodge meeting of the Guild of Village Idiots.
03:37That's not what you said when you sent him your navel.
03:40Novel, Baldrick, not navel.
03:43I sent him my novel.
03:45Well, novel or navel,
03:47it sounds a bit like a bag of grapefruits to me.
03:50The phrase, Baldrick, is a case of sour grapes.
03:53And yes, it bloody well is.
03:55I mean, he might at least have written back,
03:56but no, nothing, not even a dear Gertrude Perkins,
04:00thank you for your book,
04:01Get Stuffed Samuel Johnson.
04:04Gertrude Perkins?
04:05Yes, I gave myself a female pseudonym.
04:08Everybody's doing it these days.
04:09Mrs Radcliffe, Jane Austen.
04:12What, Jane Austen's a man?
04:13Of course.
04:15A huge Yorkshireman with a beard like a rhododendron.
04:19Oh, quite a small one, then.
04:21Well, compared to Dorothy Wordsworth, certainly.
04:24James Boswell is the only real woman writing at the moment,
04:27and that's just because she wants to get inside Johnson's britches.
04:31Perhaps your book really isn't any good.
04:33Oh, codswallop.
04:34It's taken me seven years, and it's perfect.
04:36Edmund, a butler's tale.
04:39A giant rollercoaster of a novel in 400 sizzling chapters.
04:44A searing indictment of domestic servitude in the 18th century
04:48with some hot gypsies thrown in.
04:51My magnum opus, Boric.
04:53Everybody has one novel in them, and this is mine.
04:56And this is mine.
04:59My magnificent octopus.
05:02This is your novel, Boric?
05:04Yeah, I can't stand long books.
05:06Once upon a time, there was a lovely little sausage called Boric.
05:12And it lived happily ever after.
05:16It's semi-autobiographical.
05:18And it's completely, utterly awful.
05:21Dr Johnson will probably love it.
05:25Speak of the devil.
05:27Well, I'd better go and make the great doctor comfortable.
05:30Let's just see how damn smart Dr Fatty-know-it-all really is.
05:35Oh, and prepare a fire for the prince, Woody, Boric.
05:38What shall I use?
05:39Oh, any old rubbish will do.
05:41The paper's quite good.
05:42Here, try this for starters.
05:47Entire?
05:49Dr Johnson, Your Highness.
05:50Ah, Dr Johnson.
05:52Damn cold day.
05:53Indeed it is, sir, but a verified one.
05:55For I celebrated last night
05:56the encyclopedic implementation
05:58of my premeditated orchestration
06:00of demotic Anglo-Saxon.
06:05Nope, didn't catch any of that.
06:07Well, I simply observed, sir, that I'm felicitous.
06:09Since during the course of the penultimate solar sojourn,
06:12I terminated my uninterrupted categorisation
06:15of the vocabulary of our post-Norman tongue.
06:21I don't know what you're talking about,
06:23but it sounds damn saucy, you lucky thing.
06:25I know some fairly liberal-minded girls,
06:27but I've never penultimated any of them
06:29in a solar sojourn.
06:30If that hadn't been given any Norman tongue.
06:36I believe, sir, that the doctor is trying to tell you
06:38that he is happy because he has finished his book.
06:41It has apparently taken him ten years.
06:44Yes, well, I'm a slow reader myself.
06:50Here it is, sir,
06:52the very cornerstone of English scholarship.
06:54This book, sir,
06:56contains every word in our beloved language.
06:59Every single one, sir?
07:01Every single word, sir.
07:03Oh, well, in that case, sir,
07:04I hope you will not object
07:05if I also offer the doctor
07:07my most enthusiastic contrafibularities.
07:11What?
07:13Contrafibularities, sir?
07:14It is a common word down our way.
07:16Damn!
07:18Oh, I'm sorry, sir.
07:20I'm anuspeptic,
07:22phrasmotic,
07:25even compunctuous
07:26to have caused you such pericombolation.
07:29What? What?
07:30What?
07:31What are you all about, Blackhead?
07:32This is all beginning to sound a bit like Dago talked to me.
07:35I'm sorry, sir.
07:36I merely wished to congratulate the doctor
07:38on not having left out a single word.
07:41Shall I fetch the tea, Johannes?
07:43Yes, yes.
07:44And get that damn fire up here, will you?
07:46Certainly, sir.
07:47I shall return
07:49interfrastically.
07:53So, Dr. Johnson,
07:55sit you down.
07:56Now, this book of yours,
07:57tell me,
07:58what's it all about?
07:59It is a book
08:00about the English language, sir.
08:02I see.
08:03And the hero's name is what?
08:06There is no hero, sir.
08:07No hero?
08:08Well, lucky I reminded you.
08:10Better put one in pronto.
08:11So, call him George.
08:13George is a good name for a hero.
08:15Now, what about heroines?
08:16There is no heroine, sir,
08:18unless it is our mother tongue.
08:20The mother's the heroine.
08:21Nice twist.
08:23How far have we got, then?
08:24Old mother tongue
08:25is in love with George, the hero.
08:27Now, what about murders?
08:28Mother tongue doesn't get murdered, does she?
08:30No, she doesn't.
08:31No one gets murdered
08:32or married
08:32or in a tricky situation
08:34over a pound note.
08:35Well, now, look, Dr. Johnson,
08:37I may be as thick as a whale omelette,
08:40but even I know
08:41a book's got to have a plot.
08:43Not this one, sir.
08:45It is a book
08:46that tells you
08:46what English words mean.
08:48I know what English words mean.
08:50I speak English.
08:51You must be a bit of a thicko.
08:53Perhaps you would rather
08:54not be patron of my book
08:56if you can see no value
08:57in it whatsoever, sir.
08:58Well, perhaps so, sir,
08:59as it sounds to me
09:00as if my being patron
09:01of this complete cowpat of a book
09:03will set the seal
09:04once and for all
09:05on my reputation
09:06as an utter turnip head.
09:08Well, it is a reputation
09:10well deserved, sir.
09:11Farewell.
09:15Leaving already, Doctor?
09:17Not staying for your
09:18appendage-statery interludicule?
09:22No, sir.
09:22Show me out.
09:24Certainly, sir.
09:25Anything I can do
09:26to facilitate
09:26your velocitous extremuralisation.
09:29You will regret this doubly, sir.
09:32Not only have you
09:33impeculiated
09:34my dictionary,
09:35but you have also
09:36lost the chance
09:37to act as patron
09:38to the only book
09:39in the world
09:39that is even better.
09:41Oh.
09:41And what is that, sir?
09:42Dictionary 2?
09:44The return
09:45of the killer dictionary?
09:48No, sir.
09:49It is Edmund,
09:50a butler's tale
09:51by a guilty poet.
09:52It's a huge rollercoaster
09:54of a novel
09:55crammed with sizzling gypsies.
09:58Had you supported it, sir,
10:00it would have made you
10:01and me
10:02and Gertrude
10:03millionaires.
10:05Millionaires.
10:07But it was not for me, sir.
10:09I fare you well,
10:10I shall not return.
10:12Excuse me, sir.
10:13Er, Dr Johnson.
10:16A word, I beg you.
10:17A word with you, sir,
10:19can mean
10:19seven million syllables.
10:21You might start now
10:22and not be finished
10:22by bedtime.
10:23Oh!
10:24Blast my eyes!
10:25In my fury,
10:26I have left my dictionary
10:27with your foolish master.
10:28Go fetch it, will you?
10:29Sir,
10:30the prince is young
10:31and foolish
10:32and has a peanut
10:33for a bread.
10:35Give me just a few minutes
10:36and I will deliver
10:37both the book
10:37and his patronage.
10:39Oh, will you, sir?
10:40I very much doubt it.
10:42A servant who was
10:43an influence for the good
10:44is like a dog
10:45who speaks.
10:46Very rare.
10:47I think I can change his mind.
10:49Well, I doubt it, sir.
10:50A man who can change
10:51a prince's mind
10:52is like a dog
10:53who speaks Norwegian.
10:54Even rarer.
10:56I shall be at
10:57Mrs. Miggins'
10:57literary salon
10:58in 20 minutes.
10:59Bring the book there.
11:02Your Highness,
11:03may I offer
11:03my congratulations?
11:04Well, thanks, Black Adam.
11:05That pompous baboon
11:07won't be back in a hurry.
11:08Oh, on the contrary, sir.
11:10Dr. Johnson left
11:11in the highest of spirits.
11:12What?
11:13He is utterly thrilled
11:14at your promise
11:14to patronise
11:16his dictionary.
11:17I told him to sod off,
11:18didn't I?
11:20Yes, sir,
11:20but that was a joke.
11:22Surely.
11:23Was it?
11:24Certainly.
11:25And a brilliant one,
11:26what's more?
11:28Yes.
11:28Yes, I suppose
11:30it was rather,
11:31wasn't it?
11:32So may I deliver
11:33your note of patronage
11:34to Dr. Johnson,
11:35as promised?
11:36Well, of course.
11:37If that's what I promised,
11:37then that's what I must do.
11:39And I remember
11:39promising it distinctly.
11:41Excellent.
11:42Nice fire, Baldrick.
11:43Thank you, Mr. B.
11:44read twice.
11:45Let's get the book.
11:46Now, Baldrick,
11:47where's the manuscript?
11:49You mean the big papery thing
11:51tied up with string?
11:52Yes, Baldrick,
11:52the manuscript
11:53belonging to Dr. Johnson.
11:55You mean the
11:55baity fellow
11:56in the black coat
11:57who just left?
11:58Yes, Baldrick,
11:59Dr. Johnson.
12:00So you're asking
12:01where the big papery thing
12:02tied up with string
12:04belonging to the
12:05baity fellow
12:05in the black coat
12:06who just left is?
12:08Yes, Baldrick,
12:08I am.
12:09And if you don't answer,
12:11then the booted,
12:12bony thing
12:13with five toes
12:14on the end of my leg
12:15will soon connect sharply
12:17with a soft,
12:18dangly collection
12:19of objects
12:19in your skin.
12:22For the last time,
12:24Baldrick,
12:24where is Dr. Johnson's
12:26manuscript?
12:27On the fire.
12:29What?
12:29The hot, orangey thing
12:31under the string
12:32of the manuscript.
12:34You've burnt
12:35the dictionary?
12:36Yup.
12:37You've burnt
12:38the life's work
12:39of England's
12:39foremost man of letters?
12:41Well, you did say
12:42burn any old rubbish.
12:43Yes, fine.
12:45Isn't it, uh,
12:46a bit difficult
12:47for me to patronise
12:48this book
12:49if we burnt it?
12:51Yes, it is.
12:53If you would
12:53excuse me a moment.
12:54Of course, of course.
12:55Now I've got
12:56my lovely fire,
12:56I'm as happy
12:57as a Frenchman
12:58who's invented
12:58a pair of
12:59self-removing trousers.
13:01Baldrick,
13:01would you join me
13:02in the vestibule?
13:08We are going
13:09to go to
13:09Mrs. McGinn's.
13:10We're going
13:10to find out
13:11where Dr. Johnson
13:12keeps a copy
13:12of that dictionary
13:13and then you
13:14are going to steal it.
13:15Me?
13:15Yes, you.
13:16Why me?
13:16Because you
13:17burnt it, Baldrick.
13:18But then I'll
13:19go to hell
13:19forever for stealing.
13:21Baldrick,
13:22believe me,
13:23eternity
13:24and the company
13:25of Beelzebub
13:25and all his
13:26hellish instruments
13:27of death
13:28will be a picnic
13:29compared to
13:29five minutes
13:30with me
13:31and this
13:32pencil
13:34if we can't
13:35replace
13:36this diction.
13:36Now, come on.
13:38Oh, love-worn ecstasy
13:40that is Mrs. McGinn's.
13:41Wilt thou bring me
13:42but one cup
13:43of the brownie juicings
13:45of that naughty bean
13:46we call coffee
13:47ere I die?
13:48Oh!
13:50Oh, you do have
13:50a way of words
13:51with you,
13:52Mr. Shelley.
13:53To hell with
13:53this fine-talking
13:54coffee woman!
13:56My consumption
13:57grows evermore acute
13:58and Coleridge's
13:59drugs are wearing off.
14:01Oh, Mr. Byron,
14:02don't be such
14:03a big girl's blouse.
14:07Don't forget
14:08the pencil board.
14:09Oh, I certainly
14:10won't, sir.
14:13Ah, good day
14:14to you, Mrs. Mickens.
14:16A cup of your
14:17best hot water
14:18with brown gris
14:19in it.
14:20Unless, of course,
14:21by some miracle
14:21your coffee shop
14:22has started
14:23selling coffee.
14:24Be quiet, sir!
14:25Can't you see
14:25we're dying?
14:27Don't you worry
14:27about my poets,
14:28Mr. Blackadder.
14:29They're not dead.
14:30They're just being
14:32intellectual.
14:33Mrs. Mickens,
14:34there's nothing
14:34intellectual about
14:35wandering around
14:36Italy in a big
14:36shirt trying to
14:37get laid.
14:38Why are they
14:39here of all
14:39places?
14:40We are here, sir,
14:41to pay homage
14:42to the great
14:42Dr. Johnson,
14:44as, sir,
14:44should you.
14:45Oh, well,
14:45absolutely.
14:46I intend to.
14:48You wouldn't
14:48happen to have
14:49a copy of his
14:49dictionary on you,
14:50would you,
14:50so I can do
14:51some revising
14:52before he gets
14:52here?
14:53Friends,
14:54I am returned.
14:56Hooray!
14:57So, sir,
14:58how was the
14:59prince?
14:59The prince was
15:00and is an
15:01utter fool
15:02and is household
15:03filled with
15:03cretinous servants.
15:07Good afternoon,
15:08sir.
15:08And you are
15:09the worst of
15:10them, sir.
15:10After all your
15:11boasting,
15:12have you my
15:12dictionary and
15:13my patronage?
15:14Not quite.
15:15The prince begs
15:16just a few more
15:16hours to really
15:17get to grips with
15:18it.
15:19Bah!
15:19Bah!
15:20However,
15:21I was wondering
15:22if a lowly servant
15:23such as I might be
15:24permitted to glance
15:25at a copy.
15:26Copy?
15:26Copy?
15:27There is no
15:28copy, sir.
15:30No copy?
15:30No, sir.
15:31Making a copy
15:32is like fitting
15:33wheels to a
15:34tomato.
15:34Time-consuming
15:35and completely
15:36unnecessary.
15:38But what if
15:39the book got
15:39lost?
15:40I should not
15:41lose the book,
15:41sir.
15:42And if any
15:42other man
15:43should,
15:44I would tear
15:44off his head
15:45with my bare
15:46hands and
15:47feed it to
15:47the cat.
15:50Well,
15:50that's nice
15:51and clear.
15:52And I,
15:53Lord Byron,
15:54would summon
15:54a fifty of
15:55my men,
15:56lay siege to
15:57the Pharaoh's
15:57house and do
15:58bloody murder
15:59on him.
15:59and I would
16:00not rest
16:01until the
16:01criminal was
16:02hanging by
16:02his hair
16:03with an
16:04oriental
16:04disemboweling
16:05cutlass thrust
16:06up his
16:07ignoble behind.
16:08I hope you're
16:09listening to all
16:10this boring.
16:15Sir,
16:15I have been
16:16unable to
16:17replace the
16:17dictionary.
16:18I am therefore
16:19leaving immediately
16:20for Nepal,
16:21where I tend
16:22to live as a
16:22goat.
16:25Why?
16:27because if I
16:28stay here,
16:29Dr. Johnson's
16:29companions will
16:30have me brutally
16:31murdered, sir.
16:32Good God,
16:32Blackadder,
16:33that's terrible.
16:34Do you know
16:34any other
16:35butlers?
16:37And of course,
16:38when the people
16:38discover that you
16:39have burnt Dr.
16:40Johnson's
16:40dictionary,
16:41they may go
16:41around saying,
16:42look, there's
16:43thick George,
16:44he's got a
16:44brain the size
16:45of a weasel's
16:46wedding tackle.
16:49Well, in that
16:50case, something
16:51must be done.
16:51I have a
16:52cunning plan,
16:54sir.
16:55Hurrah!
16:56Well, that's
16:56that then.
16:57I wouldn't get
16:58over-excited,
16:59sir.
17:00I have a
17:00hard suspicion
17:01that Baldrige's
17:02plan will be
17:03the stupidest
17:03thing we've
17:04heard since
17:05Lord Nelson's
17:06famous signal
17:07at the Battle
17:07of the Nile.
17:08England knows
17:09Lady Hamilton
17:10is a virgin.
17:11Poke my eye
17:12out and cut
17:13off my arm
17:14if I'm wrong.
17:16Oh, great.
17:17Let's hear it
17:18then.
17:20It's brilliant.
17:22you take the
17:23string, that's
17:24still not
17:24completely burnt,
17:25you scrape off
17:26the soot and
17:28you shove the
17:29pages in again.
17:30Which pages?
17:32Well, not the
17:33same ones, of
17:34course.
17:34Yes, I think I'm
17:35on the point of
17:35spotting the
17:36flaw in this
17:37plan.
17:38But do go on.
17:40Which pages are
17:41they?
17:41Well, this is the
17:42brilliant bit.
17:43You write some
17:45new ones.
17:46Some new ones?
17:47You mean
17:47rewrite the
17:48dictionary.
17:49I sit down
17:50tonight and
17:51rewrite the
17:51dictionary that
17:52took Dr.
17:53Johnson ten
17:53years.
17:54Yep.
17:55Baudric, that
17:56is by far and
17:57away and without
17:58a shadow of
17:58doubt the worst
17:59and most
18:00contemptible plan
18:01in the history
18:02of the universe.
18:04On the other
18:04hand, I hear
18:06the sound of
18:07disembowelling
18:08cataluses being
18:09sharpened.
18:09That's the only
18:10plan we've got.
18:11So if you will
18:12excuse me,
18:12gentlemen.
18:13Perhaps you'd
18:14like me to lend
18:14a hand, Black
18:15Adam.
18:15I'm not as
18:16stupid as I
18:17look.
18:17I am as
18:18stupid as I
18:19look, sir.
18:20But if I can
18:21help, I will.
18:22Well, it's very
18:22kind of you
18:23both, but I
18:23fear your
18:24services might
18:25be as useful
18:25as a barber
18:26shop on the
18:27steps of the
18:27guillotine.
18:28Come on,
18:29Black
18:29Adam.
18:29Give us
18:30a try.
18:32Very well,
18:32sir, as you
18:33wish.
18:34Let's start at
18:34the beginning,
18:35shall we?
18:35First, A.
18:36How would
18:37you define A?
18:39Oh, I love
18:40this.
18:40I love this.
18:41Quizzes.
18:42Hang on,
18:42it's coming.
18:43A.
18:44Crikey.
18:45Oh, yes,
18:46I've got it.
18:47What?
18:48Well, it
18:49doesn't really
18:50mean anything,
18:50does it?
18:52Good.
18:53So we're
18:53well on the
18:54way, then.
18:56A.
18:57Impersonal
18:57pronoun doesn't
18:59really mean
18:59anything.
19:00Right, next,
19:02A.
19:02A, B.
19:03Um, A, B.
19:05Well, it's a
19:05buzzing thing,
19:06isn't it?
19:07A.
19:08Buzzing
19:08thing.
19:10I mean,
19:11something that
19:12starts with
19:12A, B.
19:14Honey?
19:15Honey starts
19:15with A, B.
19:17You's right,
19:18you know,
19:18Blackadder,
19:18honey does
19:19start with
19:19a B,
19:19and a flower,
19:20too.
19:21Yes, look,
19:21this really
19:22isn't getting
19:22anywhere.
19:23And besides,
19:24I've left
19:24out aardvark.
19:26Oh, well,
19:26can't say we
19:27didn't give
19:27it a try.
19:28No, Your
19:28Highness,
19:28it was a
19:29brave stab,
19:29but I fear
19:30I must
19:31proceed on
19:31my own.
19:32Now,
19:32Baldrick,
19:32go to the
19:33kitchen and
19:33make me
19:34something quick
19:34and simple
19:35to eat,
19:35would you?
19:35Two slices
19:36of bread
19:36with something
19:37in between.
19:37What,
19:38like Gerald
19:38Lord Sandwich
19:39had the
19:39the other
19:39day?
19:40a few
19:41rounds of
19:41Gerald's.
19:51How goes
19:51it,
19:52Blackadder?
19:52Not all
19:53that well,
19:53sir.
19:54Well,
19:54let's have
19:54a look.
19:56Medium-sized
19:58insectivore
19:58with protruding
20:00nasal implement.
20:03Doesn't sound
20:03much like a
20:04B to me.
20:05Aardvark!
20:06Can't you
20:06see that,
20:06Your Highness?
20:07It's a bloody
20:08Aardvark!
20:09Dear,
20:10still on
20:11Aardvark,
20:11are we?
20:12Yes,
20:12I'm afraid
20:12we are.
20:13And if I
20:14ever meet
20:14an Aardvark,
20:15I'm going
20:15to step
20:16on its
20:16damn
20:16protruding
20:17nasal
20:17implement
20:18until it
20:18couldn't
20:19suck up
20:19an insectivore
20:19its life
20:20depended
20:20on it.
20:21You're
20:22stuck,
20:22have you?
20:23I'm sorry,
20:23sir.
20:24It's five
20:24hours later
20:25and I've
20:25got every
20:26word in
20:27the English
20:27language
20:27except A
20:28and Aardvark
20:29still to do.
20:30And I'm
20:31not very
20:31happy when
20:31that
20:32definition
20:32of Aardvark.
20:33Well,
20:34don't panic,
20:35Blackadder,
20:35because I
20:37have some
20:37rather good
20:37news.
20:38Oh,
20:39what?
20:39Well,
20:40we didn't
20:40take no
20:40for an
20:41answer and
20:41have,
20:41in fact,
20:42been working
20:42all night.
20:43I've done
20:44B.
20:45Really?
20:45And how
20:46have you
20:46got on?
20:47Well,
20:47I had a
20:48bit of
20:48trouble with
20:48belching,
20:49but I
20:50think I
20:50got it
20:50sorted out
20:51in the
20:51end.
20:53Oh,
20:53no!
20:54There I
20:54go again!
20:59You've
21:00been working
21:00on that
21:00joke for
21:01some
21:01time.
21:02Well,
21:03yes,
21:03I have,
21:04as a matter
21:04of fact,
21:04yes.
21:04Since you
21:04started,
21:05basically.
21:06So,
21:06in fact,
21:06you haven't
21:07done any
21:07work at
21:07all?
21:07Not
21:08as
21:08such.
21:09Great.
21:10Baldrick,
21:11what have
21:12you done?
21:12I've done
21:13C and
21:13D.
21:14Right,
21:14let's have
21:15it then.
21:16Right.
21:17Big blue
21:18wobbly
21:18thing that
21:19mermaids
21:20live in.
21:23C.
21:26Yes.
21:28Tiny
21:29misunderstanding
21:30still.
21:31My hopes
21:32weren't
21:32high.
21:33And what
21:33about D?
21:34I'm quite
21:35pleased with
21:35dog.
21:36Yes,
21:36and your
21:36definition of
21:37dog is?
21:38Not a
21:39cat.
21:44Excellent.
21:46Excellent.
21:47Your
21:47Highness,
21:48may I have a
21:48word?
21:49Certainly.
21:50As you know,
21:50sir,
21:51it has always
21:51been my
21:51intention to
21:52stay with
21:52you until
21:53you had a
21:53strapping son
21:54and I one
21:55likewise to take
21:56over the burdens
21:56of my duties.
21:57That's right,
21:58Blackadder,
21:58and I thank you
21:58for it.
21:59But I'm afraid,
21:59sir,
22:00that there's
22:00been a change
22:00of plan.
22:01I'm off to
22:02the kitchen to
22:02hack my head
22:03off with a
22:04big knife.
22:05Oh,
22:05come on,
22:06Blackadder.
22:07It's only a
22:08book.
22:09Let's just
22:09damn the
22:10fellow's eyes,
22:11strip the
22:11britches from
22:12his backside,
22:13and warm his
22:14heels to
22:14Putney Bridge.
22:15Hurrah!
22:16Sir,
22:17these are not
22:17the days of
22:18Alfred the Great.
22:19You can't just
22:19lop someone's head
22:20off and blame it
22:21on the Vikings.
22:22Can't I,
22:23by God?
22:23No.
22:24Oh,
22:25well,
22:25all right,
22:25then we'll just
22:25get on with it.
22:26I mean,
22:27boil my brains.
22:28It's only a
22:28dictionary.
22:29No one's asked
22:30us to eat ten
22:31raw pigs for
22:32breakfast.
22:33Good Lord,
22:34I mean,
22:34we're British,
22:34aren't we?
22:36You're not,
22:37you're German.
22:39Get me some
22:40coffee,
22:40Bordy.
22:41If I fall asleep
22:42before Monday,
22:43we're doomed.
22:47Mr.
22:48Blackadder,
22:49time to wake
22:50up.
22:50What time is
22:51it?
22:51Monday morning.
22:53Monday morning?
22:54Oh,
22:54my God,
22:54I've overslept.
22:55Where's the
22:56quilt?
22:56Where's the
22:57parchment?
22:57I don't know.
22:58Maybe Dr.
22:59Johnson's got
22:59some with him.
23:00What?
23:01He's outside.
23:02Ow!
23:03I will,
23:04sir.
23:04No,
23:04you can't
23:05have it.
23:05I know I
23:06said Monday,
23:06but I want
23:07Baldrick to
23:08read it,
23:08which,
23:08unfortunately,
23:09will mean
23:09teaching him
23:10to read,
23:11which will
23:12take about
23:12ten years.
23:13But time
23:14well spent,
23:14I think,
23:14because it's
23:15such a very
23:15good dictionary.
23:16I don't
23:16think so.
23:17Oh,
23:17God,
23:18we've been
23:18burgled!
23:21I think
23:21it's an
23:22awful dictionary
23:22full of
23:23feeble definitions
23:24and ridiculous
23:25verbiage.
23:25I've come to
23:26ask you to
23:27chuck that
23:27damn thing
23:28in the fire.
23:28Are you sure?
23:29I've never
23:30been more sure
23:31of anything
23:31in my life,
23:31sir.
23:32I love you,
23:33Dr. Johnson,
23:34and I want
23:34to have your
23:35babies.
23:39Sorry,
23:40excuse me,
23:40Dr. Johnson,
23:41but my
23:41Auntie Marjorie
23:42has just
23:42arrived.
23:44Baldrick,
23:44who gave
23:45you permission
23:45to turn
23:46into an
23:46Alsatian.
23:47Oh,
23:48God,
23:49it's a
23:49dream,
23:50isn't it?
23:50It's a
23:51bloody
23:52dream.
23:54Dr. Johnson
23:55doesn't want
23:55us to burn
23:56his dictionary
23:57at all.
24:03It's the
24:04blackadder,
24:05time to
24:05wake up.
24:07Monday
24:08morning.
24:09Monday
24:09morning?
24:09Oh,
24:10my God,
24:10I've
24:11overslept.
24:11Where's
24:12the quill?
24:12Where's
24:12the parchment?
24:13I don't
24:13know,
24:14maybe Dr. Johnson
24:15has got
24:15some
24:15with
24:15him.
24:16What?
24:16He's
24:17outside.
24:18No,
24:19hang on.
24:20Hang on.
24:20If we
24:21go on
24:21like this,
24:22you're
24:22going to
24:22turn
24:22into an
24:22Alsatian
24:23again.
24:25Oh,
24:26my God.
24:27Quick,
24:27Baldrick,
24:28we've
24:28got to
24:28escape.
24:29No,
24:29sir,
24:29without
24:29the
24:30dictionary
24:30at
24:30once.
24:31Bring
24:31it
24:31out,
24:31sir,
24:32in my
24:32passion,
24:32I
24:33shall
24:33kill
24:33everyone
24:33by
24:34giving
24:34them
24:34syphilis.
24:35Bring
24:35it
24:36out,
24:36sir,
24:36and
24:36also
24:36any
24:37opium
24:37plants
24:38you
24:38may
24:38have
24:38around
24:38there.
24:39Bring
24:39it
24:39out,
24:40sir,
24:40we shall
24:40break
24:41down
24:41the
24:41door.
24:42Hi,
24:42good
24:43morning.
24:43Dr.
24:44Johnson,
24:44where is
24:45my dictionary?
24:46And what
24:46dictionary would
24:47this be?
24:48The one
24:48that has
24:48taken 18
24:49hours of
24:50every day
24:50for the
24:50last
24:5110 years.
24:52My
24:52mother
24:52died,
24:53I
24:53hardly
24:53noticed.
24:54My
24:54father
24:54cut
24:55off his
24:55head
24:55and
24:55fried
24:55it
24:56in
24:56garlic
24:56in
24:56the
24:56hope
24:56of
24:57attracting
24:57my
24:57attention.
24:58I
24:58scarcely
24:58looked
24:59up
24:59from
24:59my
24:59work.
24:59My
25:00wife
25:00brought
25:00armies
25:01of
25:08Am I
25:09to presume
25:09that my
25:10elaborate
25:10bluff
25:10has not
25:11worked?
25:12Dictionary!
25:13Right,
25:13well,
25:13the truth
25:14is,
25:14doctor,
25:14now,
25:15don't get
25:15cross,
25:15don't overreact,
25:16the truth
25:17is,
25:17we burnt
25:18it.
25:18Then you
25:19go!
25:21Morning,
25:21everyone.
25:22You know,
25:23this dictionary
25:23really is a
25:24cracking good
25:25read.
25:26It's an
25:26absolutely
25:27splendid job.
25:28My
25:28dictionary?
25:29But you
25:30said you
25:30burnt it.
25:32I think
25:32it's a
25:32splendid book
25:33and I
25:33look forward
25:34to patronising
25:35it enormously.
25:36Oh,
25:36well,
25:36thank you,
25:37sir.
25:37Well,
25:37I think
25:38I'm man
25:38enough
25:38to sacrifice
25:39the pleasure
25:39of killing
25:40to maintain
25:40the general
25:41good humour.
25:42There's to be
25:43no murder
25:43today,
25:44gentlemen.
25:44But prepare
25:45to Mrs.
25:46Miggins.
25:46I shall
25:47join you
25:47there later
25:47for a
25:48roister
25:48you will
25:48never
25:49forget.
25:51So,
25:52tell me,
25:53sir,
25:53what words
25:54particularly
25:55interested you
25:56are?
25:56Oh,
25:56nothing.
25:57Anything,
25:58really.
25:58I see you
25:59underlined
25:59a few.
26:02Bloomers,
26:02bottom,
26:04burp,
26:07fart,
26:07fiddle,
26:08fornicate?
26:09Well,
26:09sir,
26:09I hope
26:09you are not
26:10using the
26:10first English
26:11dictionary to
26:12look up rude
26:12words.
26:13I wouldn't be
26:14too hopeful.
26:15That's what all
26:15the other ones
26:16will be used
26:16for.
26:18Sir,
26:18can I look up
26:19turnip?
26:20Turnip isn't a rude
26:21word,
26:21Baldrick.
26:22It is if you
26:22sit on one.
26:24Anyway,
26:25sir,
26:25we have more
26:25important business
26:26in hand.
26:27I refer,
26:28of course,
26:28to the works
26:29of the mysterious
26:30Gertrude
26:31Perkins.
26:32Mysterious?
26:32no more,
26:33sir.
26:33It is time
26:34for the truth.
26:35I can at last
26:36reveal the identity
26:37of the great
26:38Gertrude Perkins.
26:39Sir,
26:40who is she?
26:40She, sir,
26:41is me, sir.
26:42I am Gertrude
26:44Perkins.
26:44Good Lord!
26:45And what's more,
26:46I can prove it.
26:47Bring out the
26:47manuscript,
26:48and I will show
26:49you that my
26:49signature corresponds
26:50exactly with that
26:51on the front.
26:53Why, I must have
26:54left it here when I
26:54left the dictionary.
26:55This is terribly
26:56exciting.
26:58Baldrick,
26:59fetch my novel.
27:00Your novel?
27:00Yes, Baldrick,
27:01the big papery thing
27:02tied up with string.
27:03What, like the
27:04thing we burnt?
27:05Exactly like the
27:06thing we burnt.
27:07So you're asking
27:08for the big papery
27:09thing tied up
27:10with string,
27:11exactly like the
27:12thing we burnt?
27:13Exactly.
27:15We burnt it.
27:17So we did.
27:19Thank you,
27:20Baldrick.
27:21Seven years of my
27:22life up in smoke.
27:23Your Highness,
27:24would you excuse
27:25me a moment?
27:25By all means.
27:30Oh, God,
27:32no!
27:34Thank you, sir.
27:36Burned, you say?
27:36That's most inconvenient.
27:38A burned novel
27:39is like a burned dog.
27:41Oh, shut up!
27:42Sir,
27:44I have a novel.
27:48Once upon a time,
27:49there was a lovely
27:50little sausage called
27:52Sausage?
27:54Sausage!
27:55Blast your eyes!
27:58Oh.
27:59Well, I didn't think
28:00it was that bad.
28:01I think you'll find
28:02he left sausage
28:03out of his diction.
28:07Oh.
28:08And aardvark.
28:10Oh, come on,
28:11Blackadder,
28:12it's not all that bad.
28:13Nothing a nice
28:14roaring fire can't solve.
28:16Baldrick,
28:16do the honours,
28:17will you?
28:17Certainly,
28:18Your Majesty.
28:18Oh.
28:19Oh.
28:34Adam,
28:36Adam,
28:37Adam,
28:38Adam,
28:39Adam,
28:40Adam,
28:41Adam,
28:42Adam,
28:42Adam,
28:44Adam,
28:49Adam,
28:49Adam,
28:53Adam,
28:53Là là là là
29:01Add-Ur
29:03Black Add-Ur
29:05Black Add-Ur
29:11Black...
29:13Add-Ur
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