- 2 giorni fa
- #blackadder
- #rowanatkinson
- #subita
Blackadder (1983) - Stagione 1
Ambientata alla fine del medioevo, il protagonista è il principe Edmund Blackadder (interpretato da Rowan Atkinson), un nobile ingenuo e inetto, che cerca di sopravvivere tra intrighi e conflitti di potere.
#blackadder #rowanatkinson #subita
Ambientata alla fine del medioevo, il protagonista è il principe Edmund Blackadder (interpretato da Rowan Atkinson), un nobile ingenuo e inetto, che cerca di sopravvivere tra intrighi e conflitti di potere.
#blackadder #rowanatkinson #subita
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00:00In 1486, the second year of Richard IV's historic reign, and also the year in which the egg replaced the
00:08worm as the lowest form of currency, King Richard departed England on a crusade against the Turks.
00:15As the good lord said, love thy neighbour as thyself, unless he's Turkish, in which case, kill the bastard!
00:25He left behind him his beloved son, Prince Harry, to rule as regent in his stead.
00:31Farewell, dear Harry. Farewell, father.
00:35And his slimy son, Edmund, to do the tasks most befitting him.
00:39Edward.
00:55My lord, with the king gone, eh?
01:02Of course! At last, a chance for some real power.
01:24From the측.
01:24I've never seen it before.
01:26But when he was suspicious, Paul, don't you leave him?
01:45He's just a whisper.
01:47Yeah, darling!
01:50That's wonderful.
01:51Oh, my lord.
01:53He's just a whisper for some real power.
01:53Come back to the castle by sundown or you'll all be slaughtered, onward!
01:59Come on, come on, will you? Shut up!
02:03And you will keep quiet, all right? I've just about had enough of you. Shut up!
02:11Come on, you Russian, where are you going? Stop! Where are you going?
02:16Oh, not, oh, not away from the castle too much! Shut up!
02:23Splendid! Splendid!
02:25Now look, you're not supposed to be here. That's far enough. Now get out!
02:32I could get my hands on that bastard brother Harry.
02:37Ah, Edmund!
02:41Edmund?
02:46Ah, there you are. Splendid news, Edmund. Father's coming home.
02:50He writes here that he'll be back by St. Leonard's Day. Excellent!
02:54So we can celebrate both events together. Now then, I shall handle the visiting royalties.
03:01The guards of honour and the papal legate. And you can sort out the frolics.
03:07The frolics?
03:08Yes, the Morris dancers, the eunuchs and the bearded women. You know, the traditional St. Leonard's Day entertainments.
03:16Oh, damnation, no. I don't think I'm going to have enough time to attend to the drains.
03:21Edmund? You'll have to look into those as well.
03:23Oh, yes, fine, fine. I'd be honoured.
03:27Good. You won't let me down now, will you?
03:29No, no, no, no. No, I'm really looking forward to it already. Thank you so very much.
03:35Splendid!
03:3912 months of chasing sheep and straightening the royal portraits. And now this, the bastard.
03:49The bastard!
03:51If only he were, my lord.
03:55What?
03:55If only he were a bastard, my lord, then you would be regent now.
04:01Ah, yes.
04:02And then one day, you would be king, my lord.
04:06Ah, yes.
04:08Yes, I would be king.
04:10And then what?
04:12You'd rule the world, my lord.
04:16Precisely.
04:17It's just not fair.
04:19Every other damn woman in the court has bastard sons, but now my mother, oh no.
04:24She's so damn pure she doesn't walk down in case she nooses her own breasts.
04:30You must be so looking forward to the king's return, your master.
04:35No.
04:36No, my lady.
04:38But think he will come to your chamber and make mad, passionate love to you.
04:44Yes, I wish he wouldn't do that.
04:47It's very difficult to sleep with that kind of thing going on.
04:51Being used all night long, like the outside of a sausage roll.
04:57St. Leonard's Day is so ambitious to look forward to.
05:01The jesters, the jugglers.
05:04The great brown ox.
05:06Steaming and smouldering all night long.
05:08Oh, yes.
05:09The feast.
05:11So?
05:13I was thinking of something else.
05:15Oh, particularly who?
05:16They've got the Morris dancers.
05:17I love them.
05:19Yes.
05:21I like the eunuchs.
05:23Oh, yes.
05:24The eunuchs.
05:27Well, I wish I owned one.
05:30I wish I'd married one.
05:33Fine, fine.
05:34Could have happened to anyone.
05:35Never mind, never mind.
05:37Oh, God.
05:39I don't believe it.
05:42We've only got one act and she's shaved her beard off.
05:46There's always the eunuchs, my lord.
05:48Oh, yes, sir.
05:49The eunuchs and the amazing beardless woman.
05:53There must be someone else. There must be.
05:56Look.
05:56There's the jumping Jews of Jerusalem, my lord.
05:59What do they do?
06:01They jump, my lord.
06:03They come in, my lord, and they jump.
06:06A lot.
06:07It's a humorous act.
06:09There must be something else, surely.
06:12Ah, what's this?
06:13The death of the pharaoh.
06:15Sir Dominic Prick, in his magnificent stolen roof of Mooney's,
06:19performed a tragic ancient Egyptian masterpiece,
06:23The Death of the Pharaoh.
06:24That sounds funny.
06:25No, no, no. I found that very moving, my lord.
06:28Well, it better be funny or prick'll get his cum up and say I can tell you.
06:31Well, look, what about Jerry Merriweather and his four chickens?
06:35What do they do? Lay eggs?
06:37Let's follow them.
06:39All right, all right, we'll have them, we'll have them.
06:54What, what is it, Mum?
06:57The eunuchs of cancer.
07:00Oh, dear.
07:02Ha!
07:02I should have known, never trust a eunuch!
07:04What are we gonna do?
07:06Well, I know what I'm gonna do.
07:06Balric, give me an execution order.
07:09I'm gonna teach them a lesson they'll never forget.
07:12And remove whatever extraneous parts of their body still remain.
07:18My lord.
07:19Take that to the Lord Chancellor.
07:21Thank you.
07:22Oh, God, this is desperate, desperate.
07:25We could have the Morris Dancers, my lord.
07:28Now, look, we are not that desperate.
07:31Morris dancing is the most fatuous tenth-rate entertainment ever devised by man.
07:37Forty effeminate blacksmiths waving bits of cloth they've just wiped their noses on.
07:42Oh, it's still going on in this day and age, I'll never know.
07:47Sorry, so, so do you want them or not?
07:51Ah, Edmund.
07:59And rest.
08:01How are the rest of the entertainment's coming along?
08:04Oh, um, very, very, well, indeed.
08:07Um, I think it's going to have a slightly spartan look.
08:10What, Greek?
08:13Uh, yes, that's right.
08:14Yes, Greek.
08:16Oh, good.
08:16Uh, everyone, uh, turning up?
08:18Oh, absolutely everyone.
08:19Um, so many people, in fact, I'm afraid I've had to let the eunuchs go.
08:24Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
08:27No?
08:28No!
08:28That won't do at all.
08:30Not on St. Leonard's Day.
08:32Because, well, correct me if I'm wrong, Lord Percy, but, uh, St. Leonard himself was an eunuch.
08:40Yes, that's right.
08:46Well, that's why I thought it might be more tactful.
08:50Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no.
08:51To leave out the eunuchs on St. Leonard's Day would be like, well, it would be like leaving out the
08:56Morris dancers or the bearded women.
09:00Besides, Lord Dougal McAngus, the king's supreme commander, is expected at the feast.
09:06And, as you know, eunuchs are his particular favourite.
09:10Hmm?
09:11And Scottish, you see.
09:14Ah, ha, ha, ha.
09:15Good, good.
09:16Well, I'm relying on you, Edmund.
09:18Hang on.
09:24So, some carrot-faced, thistle-arsed Scottish orangutan.
09:29What's that?
09:31Apparently he's a great warrior, I don't know.
09:33Oh, yes, that's what they all say.
09:34Those Scots, they're just barbarians.
09:36Half of them can't even speak English.
09:38What do they speak?
09:39I don't know.
09:40It's all Greek to me.
09:42Do they speak Greek?
09:43No, I mean, it sounds like Greek.
09:46Well, if it sounds like Greek, it probably is Greek.
09:48It's not Greek.
09:51It sounds like Greek.
09:54What's not Greek, but sounds like Greek.
09:57That's a good one, my lord.
09:58Look, it's not meant to be a brain teaser, Percy.
10:00I'm going to tell you that I cannot understand the blind word they're saying.
10:04Well, no wonder, my lord, you never learned Greek, of course.
10:09Percy, have you ever wondered what your insides look like?
10:14Sometimes, my lord, yes.
10:15Then I'd be perfectly willing to suffice your curiosity, if I can.
10:19Is it?
10:19Oh, my God, this Scotsman's beginning to annoy me already.
10:23I'm the Duke of Edinburgh, you know.
10:25When Laird of Rooksborough, Selkirk and Peebles,
10:28I can make things very difficult for them.
10:30As for these entertainments, I don't know.
10:33Baldrick, you've got a beard.
10:35Go and get yourself a nice dress.
10:37Oh, great, my lord.
10:38Percy, you'd better go and get...
10:40Burn a good bear baiter.
10:43Yes, my lord.
10:43Looks like we'll be needing him.
10:45Now, I'm Percy.
10:45Yes, my lord.
10:46Tell him to bring a bear this time.
10:51Improvising last year was pathetic.
10:55Howdy, mother.
10:56A toast.
10:58To father's return.
11:00What, little devil?
11:15noble Harry, Prince of Wales.
11:17To go, my kangaroo, and lay in your feet the spoils of an enemy at war.
11:23Oh, sorry, that's my overnight bag.
11:26Behold! Treasures torn from the torsos of the top.
11:30Oh, my kangus, it fills me with joy and hope to see you.
11:36What news of my father the king?
11:37When I last saw him, he swore he would be back by the feast of St Leonard and die near
11:41Tim.
11:41God forfend, we shall pray for his safe passions.
11:44Join us, join us, you must be starving.
11:47And young Lachinvar.
11:48Oh, yes, and him too.
11:49Come on, Lachinvar.
11:59You must be the king's wee bit of rumpy bumpy, eh?
12:02I am the queen.
12:03Aye, aye.
12:04Well, sir, I've got a message for you.
12:05My father asked me to send his regards to you.
12:08Do I know him?
12:09Oh, I think you can say that, yes.
12:11He's Donald McAngus, third Duke of Argyle.
12:15Ah, Edmund, there you are.
12:19Look, Angus, this is the man who's providing the entertainments for us tomorrow.
12:23Ah, the eunuch.
12:27There's a grope for your trouble.
12:31I am not a eunuch.
12:33You sound like one to me.
12:35I am not a eunuch.
12:36I am the Duke of Edinburgh.
12:38Oh, you are, are you?
12:40Yes.
12:41Same old story, eh?
12:43Duke of Edinburgh had about as Scottish as the Queen of England's tits.
12:46Oh, sorry, eh.
12:47May offend your majesty.
12:49I'm sorry.
12:50You're in my chair.
12:52Don't apologise.
12:57Well, now we've all got to know each other, I have rather a special announcement to make.
13:02Well, tell me you're a eunuch as well.
13:04Look, Angus, as reward for your heroic deeds in battle, my father here empowers me to grant
13:10you anything that you may desire of me.
13:13If he's got any sense, he'll ask for a haircut.
13:17I'm honoured.
13:18All I ask for is a scrap of land.
13:20Grant me fair Selkirk and the noble sire of Roxburgh.
13:24What?
13:24Very well, by the power vested in me.
13:27Excuse me, I'm sorry to dip my little fly in your ointment, but those lands do in fact belong to
13:34me.
13:36Yes.
13:36Well, so perhaps, perhaps he'd like to choose somewhere else.
13:41Look, Angus?
13:42Not all of Roxburgh and Selkirk.
13:44But that leaves me with peebles.
13:46Oh, yeah, and peebles.
13:48Are you trying to say something, Edmund?
13:50Well, I don't know.
13:51I mean, some people might say, well, what an absurd idea of giving away half of Scotland
13:57to a kilted maniac for slaughtering a couple of syphilitic Turks.
14:03I can't swear.
14:04I say, let's reward him.
14:08Good, good.
14:10So be it.
14:14Hooray!
14:22I'm going to kill him, and I'm going to kill him now.
14:25Who, my lord?
14:26That stinking Scottish weasel.
14:28Why, my lord?
14:29Because he's a thieving, stinking Scottish weasel.
14:32That's why I...
14:32How?
14:33I'm going to stab him.
14:34Where?
14:35In the great hall, and in the bladder.
14:38But if you do it in front of everybody, won't they suspect something?
15:13Yes, here's a drawback.
15:14Really cunning, brilliantly cunning.
15:15I ask him to come with me, and then stab him, perhaps.
15:18No, cunning can you again?
15:19No, my lord, you get this enormous great cannon.
15:21No, I see.
15:22Take him outside, get him to stick his head down a cannon, and then blow it off.
15:26Oh, yes, Lord Bicklut.
15:28A wonderful idea.
15:31No, I think I have a plan that will give us a little more entertainment.
16:10Oh, yes, Lord Bicklut.
16:45Oh, yes, Lord Bicklut.
16:58Oh, yes, Lord Bicklut.
17:05Help him.
17:06Um, no, no, I'm fine, thank you.
17:10Good.
17:16I'm not in your way over here, are you?
17:19No.
17:26and then it's just the one thing I was wondering if you could do me a little
17:31favor
17:34uh-huh I was wondering if you'd like to help with the celebrations tonight oh
17:40I was there no waiting
17:49Um, well, the thing is, um, we were hoping to present a mystery play by one of our leading thespianic
17:59troops, um, but unfortunately one of their number is ill, um, and I thought you'd be the perfect person to,
18:08to take his place.
18:10Well, I warn you, I'm no actor.
18:14Ah, well, there shouldn't be much acting required. Um, it's an ancient Egyptian piece, uh, called The Death of the
18:26Scotsman.
18:27I'll have a crack at it.
18:29You, uh, you can play the Scotsman, if you like, who, who dies at the end of the play.
18:37Oh, acting dead? Now that I can do.
18:39Yes, well, as I say, there, there may not be much acting required.
18:50Oh, and, uh, mind the weasel pet.
18:52Oh!
19:26Small as a tree. Let's see those branches waving, swaying the bees.
19:30Tall, taller, taller. Now smaller. Smaller, smaller, smaller, smaller, smaller.
19:33すamable, have you made necessary changes?
19:37Yes, my lord.
19:38Oh!
19:46Meet your동eners!
19:48Ow!
19:48Oh!
19:49Oh!
19:50Oh!
19:55Oh!
19:57How did it go?
19:58Uh, not bad.
20:00See, you know, I don't really think they understood it.
20:06We three are gathered with most bold intent.
20:10Here by the banks of the graceful Nile.
20:14Where camels ride and deserts blow.
20:17Oh!
20:18To spill the blood of this Scotsman vial!
20:21What is a Scotsman doing in Egypt?
20:24I'm not sure.
20:25But apparently they've had very good reviews.
20:28See your mother there?
20:30I met my father on the way back from France.
20:32Apparently him and your mother used to...
20:35No, don't be absurd.
20:37Such activities are totally beyond my mother.
20:40My father only got anywhere with her
20:42because he told her it was a cure for diarrhea.
20:45Don't you believe it?
20:46I've got some letters I took for his tent.
20:48By God, they're hot stuff.
20:50I'll tell you, they certainly cast a wee shadow of doubt
20:52over the parent who'd a young Harry for a start.
20:55Don't doubt, babes!
20:56Silence!
20:57What?
20:58The bagpipes drums.
21:00Behold!
21:02This way our victim comes.
21:04Oh, that's my cute!
21:04I'm all...
21:05Letters!
21:06Letters!
21:06Where are these letters?
21:08They're safe for heaven away, listen.
21:09I'll show you them later.
21:10All right.
21:11To the mighty Ben Minnes.
21:15To the common person, you come not a whit too soon.
21:19For is this not the weather fair?
21:22For this the eye of June?
21:24Aye, it is.
21:27What business do you mean?
21:31Oh, my God!
21:33My kangas is going to die!
21:34No, no, no, no, no!
21:35Carrot-faced orangutan!
21:37Leave in Scott's weasel!
21:38Yes, sir, Scott!
21:40No, no, look!
21:41No, look!
21:41He knows too much!
21:43That is why he must die.
21:45Oh, look!
21:46He mustn't!
21:47He mustn't!
21:47He has vital information!
21:49I've changed my mind!
21:50I've changed my mind!
21:51Oh, my God!
21:51What am I going to do?
21:53Stop the show, my lord!
21:54How?
21:55How?
21:55Well, just say stop!
21:56What's our reason?
21:57What's our reason for stopping the show?
21:59Well, because the knives are real and the kangas is just about to get killed.
22:02Oh, you bastard!
22:07What am I going to do?
22:08Quick!
22:15Stop!
22:16Sorry I'm late!
22:18Yes!
22:22Oh, I...
22:22Help!
22:32Good!
22:33Excellent!
22:34It's certainly my mother's handwriting.
22:36When did you say these words?
22:37Er, 1460.
22:39The year my brother was born.
22:43Baldrick!
22:44Get in here!
22:47Baldrick!
22:48Get out there!
22:49And tell everyone that the rest of the entertainments have been cancelled!
22:52Why?
22:53Why?
22:53Because I told you to be a slimy of the rat!
22:55Now, why have they been cancelled, my lord?
22:56Dorothy!
22:58Well, tell them I have a very important announcement to make.
23:05Does that mean I have to take the dress off?
23:07Oh, get down, get down, get down, get down, get down!
23:12Well, if you played your cards right, you could become king.
23:16Ah, yes.
23:16One day.
23:18Ah, similar than you think, maybe.
23:19So, last time I saw your father, you just charged it to Constantinople when they shut the gates on him.
23:24No!
23:25Oh!
23:25Yes.
23:26Ten thousand of the Turk in there armed with scimiters.
23:28And your father with a small knife for peeling fruit.
23:34Oh!
23:35Oh, God!
23:42Jerry Meriweather, another nail in the coffin of variety.
23:48I like Bernard the rabbit baker.
23:51Thank you!
23:52Thank you!
23:53Look, Edmond, is this announcement going to take long?
23:56I haven't seen hide nor hair of a eunuch yet.
23:58No! Don't worry Harry.
24:00It will soon all be over.
24:03My dear mother, my dear brother, lords and ladies of the court
24:09Today there came into my possession
24:12From the hands, my lord, of your faithful servant Dougal McCangles
24:17Certain letters, rather extraordinary letters
24:22Concerning the lineage of Prince Harry
24:27Letters? What is so extraordinary about them?
24:31Letters? Well, Harry, they were written by your mother to your father
24:39Your father, Harry, being, of course, Donald, Sir Duke of Argyle
24:44I beg your pardon?
24:46These letters are of quite an intimate nature
24:48Let me give you an example
24:51Arundel, Thursday
24:52My dear Harry-Wary
24:54Often as you sit at table with my husband
24:58Probing deeply into the affairs of state
25:01I long for the day when you will probe...
25:04Edmund! Are you sure you know what you're saying?
25:07As sure as our mother was, Harry, when she wrote these words
25:11Dear big boy, sail south!
25:14As you know, your galleon is always assured a warm welcome in my harbour
25:22Big boy? Mother, do you know anything about this?
25:26Well, what chance did I have?
25:28I was just a little foreign girl
25:29Then I must renounce the regency and hie me to a monastery
25:34Edmund, you shall be regent until your father returns
25:39The king will not be returning
25:41What?
25:43Oh dear
25:43No, when the kangus last saw him
25:46He was facing half the Turkish army
25:48Armed only with a small piece of cutlery
25:51So, Patsy, if you'd like to start things off
25:55The king is dead
25:56Long live the king
25:58The king is dead
26:00Long live the king
26:02Probably dead
26:03The king is probably dead
26:06Long live the king
26:08No, when the king is dead
26:10The king is probably dead
26:10Long live the king
26:12The king is not dead
26:16Long live the king
26:21Long live the king
26:23Death!
26:24War!
26:25Lord!
26:25Peep, Peep, Peep
26:27Triumph!
26:29McCandus!
26:32My companion in blood
26:34and most trusted friend
26:36You made it
26:37Yes! I made it! Thanks to my trusty fruit knife!
26:50Wait a minute.
26:53What's going on here?
26:56Who are you?
26:57He's our son.
26:59What?
27:02Yes, of course.
27:04He did.
27:07My beloved father, certain letters have come to light which might change things a bit around here.
27:15Letters? What letters?
27:17They speak of acts of love between your wife and Donald the gay dog of the Glen.
27:23I long to be in that kingdom between the saffron sheets where you and your ruler are the only ruler.
27:31And then acts of love consummated, oh you enormous Scotsman.
27:35And these letters are dated November and December 1460, which Harry, in relation to your date of birth, is precisely
27:46nine months after I was born.
27:52For about nine months before your birth, Edmund.
28:00You bastard!
28:03No, I think you're the bastard, Edmund.
28:07Silence!
28:08I want an explanation!
28:12My liege, the reason I have gathered you all here today is to try to get some proper justice meted
28:22out against this Scottish turd who has clearly forged these obviously fake letters.
28:27Let me see them!
28:29No, I rip them up in his face so no hint of their filthy slander can remain!
28:38You come in here fresh from slaughtering a couple of chocos when their backs were turned and you think you
28:45can upset the harmony of a whole kingdom?
28:47I challenge you to a duel to the death!
28:52Um...
28:53Yes, all right.
28:54Excellent idea!
28:56After all, it is St. Leonard's Day!
28:59There's meant to be some entertainment!
29:03Good very good!
29:05Take your pleasures!
29:10Ha, ha, ha, ha!
29:11Yes, I used to see old Glenshire again.
29:14Eh, my kangos?
29:15You ain't doing time with the Philly Tucks and the human Chesky Barney!
29:18Ha, ha, ha, ha!
29:18How could I ever forget?
29:20Very well!
29:22Let the killing begin!
29:44I see them all can't wriggle like this one!
29:47Eh...
29:47Come on, watch the hold-up!
29:51Um...
29:52I'll give you everything I own!
29:53Everything!
29:54Uh-huh!
29:55I...
29:56I'm hardly a rich man!
29:58You're hardly a man at all!
30:01But...
30:02but my horse must be worth a thousand ducats.
30:05I can sell my wardrobe, the pride of my life
30:09My swords, my curtains, my socks and my fighting cocks
30:13My servants I can live without
30:15Except perhaps he who oils my rack
30:19And then my most intimate treasures
30:21My collection of antique codpieces
30:23My wigs for state occasions
30:25My wigs for private occasions
30:27And my wigs for humorous occasions
30:31My collection of pokers
30:33My grendel stretchers
30:35My ornamental Pumphreys
30:37And of course my autographed miniature
30:40Of Judas Iscariot
30:48That's nowhere near enough
30:51Holy kid
30:53Actually I'm quite interested in the wigs
31:01Hey
31:03Hope life doesn't become too dull
31:05Nobody will pass laws over Scotland
31:10I wouldn't pass water over Scotland
31:17We're all terribly pleased you're back father
31:21I'm not
31:23I miss the smell of blood in my nostrils
31:25And the Queen's got a headache
31:28But we do have a fascinating week ahead
31:31In fact the Archbishop of York has asked me
31:33If you'd care to join his formation Italian dance class
31:36And I really ought to give him an answer
31:39Do you want me to be honest or tactful?
31:41Uh tactful I think
31:42Tell him to get stuffed
31:46Has that little hooligan McAngus left?
31:48Uh no
31:48Edmund's giving him a last look round the castle now
31:53While this
31:54Well I'll be sorry to see him go
31:56Very interesting
31:58Yes and so will Edmund
31:59They've become firm friends
32:04The Turks
32:05The drains
32:06Father
32:07Harry
32:08There's been
32:09Rather
32:09A messy accident
32:11You must come with me
32:12Oh my god
32:12I shall need my plunger
32:17The sound of your feet cross the glade
32:21Who'd cold lock up your son and daughter
32:25Beware the deadly flashing blade
32:29Unless you want to end up shorter
32:35Blackadder
32:37Blackadder
32:37He rides a pitch black steed
32:41Blackadder
32:43Blackadder
32:46He's very bad indeed
32:50Black
32:51His gloves are finest mold
32:53Black
32:55His cot piece made of metal
32:58His horse
32:59Is blacker than a wool
33:02His pot
33:03Is blacker than his cattle
33:06Blackadder
33:08Blackadder
33:10With many a cunning plan
33:13Blackadder
33:16Blackadder
33:18Blackadder
33:18Blackadder
33:18You horrid little man
33:26Blackadder
33:28Blackadder
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