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19:36e non joining us in the
19:38ha ha
19:39no
19:42I'm thinking of England and the girl I left behind me
19:45oh god I didn't know you had a girl
19:47oh yes
19:48Lady Caroline Fairfax
19:50Caroline? I didn't know you knew her
19:53oh yes
19:54I even touched her once
19:56touched her what?
20:00no
20:00once in a corridor
20:02I've never heard her called that before
20:05when you get home in six months
20:07you'll be a hero
20:08she might even let you get your hands on her twice
20:12I fear not
20:13why not?
20:15because we'll never get home
20:16we're doomed
20:19condemned to a watery grave
20:21with a captain who's legless
20:23rubbish! I've hardly touched a drop
20:26no no
20:27I mean you haven't got any legs
20:29oh yeah
20:30you're right there
20:31carry on
20:32sorry
20:35we've got no hope
20:37no hope of ever returning
20:39on the contrary
20:40we are certain to return
20:42what?
20:43because we held salts
20:44we are not going to the Cape of Good Hope at all
20:46what?
20:47we are in fact going
20:48to France
20:49France!
20:51oh but
20:52Emma
20:52surely France has already been discovered
20:56why the French for a start
20:58precisely it's a trick
20:59we just camp down in the Dordogne for six months
21:02get a good suntan
21:03come home
21:04pretend we've been around the Cape
21:05and get all the glory
21:06hooray
21:07a masterly plan me young master
21:09and one that leads me to make an announcement meself
21:12what's that Ron?
21:13truth is
21:14I don't know the way to the Cape of Good Hope anyway
21:17well what are you going to do?
21:18oh what I usually do
21:20sail round and round the Isle of Wight
21:22till everyone gets dizzy
21:23and we'll sleep for home
21:25equal rascal
21:27still who cares
21:28the day after tomorrow
21:29we shall be in Calais
21:30captain
21:31set sail for France
21:33hooray
21:37so you don't know the way to France
21:41I know
21:43no
21:43I must confess that too
21:47bugger
21:53he's only been gone three days
21:55and I'm missing him already
21:57well perhaps mom
21:59I might amuse you still further
22:02with tales of my adventures
22:04like what?
22:06perhaps you would like to hear the one
22:08about the mad pirate king
22:09whose crew consisted entirely of men called Roger
22:12heard it
22:14oh
22:15ah
22:16well maybe
22:17I could distract you
22:18with the tale of the time
22:20I fell into the water
22:21and was almost eaten by a hammerhead shark
22:25yes
22:25all right
22:26try that one
22:28well mom
22:31I fell into the water
22:32and was almost eaten by a shark
22:36and the funny thing is
22:38its head was exactly the same shape
22:41as a hammer
22:44god
22:45you'd better come up with some presents
22:47or I'm going to go off explorers completely
22:50you know
22:51mom
22:51and I'll tell you something else
22:54Edmund was right
22:55you do smell of fish
22:56hey
22:59river
23:00river
23:00river
23:01look there's no need to panic
23:04someone in the crew will know how to steer this thing
23:07the crew me lord
23:10yes the crew
23:12what crew
23:14I was under the impression that it was common maritime practice for a ship to have a crew
23:19opinion is divided on the subject
23:23really
23:23yes
23:24all the other captains say it is
23:27I say it isn't
23:28oh god mad as a brush
23:34sir walter's death warrant for your signature majesty
23:37oh
23:38good
23:40any news of Edmund
23:42well madam if they're on course
23:44they should be nearing the
23:46urine drinking stage by now
23:49don't be horrid melchie
23:52Edmund would rather die
23:54I fear that may be wishful thinking majesty
24:02enter
24:05so soon
24:07you said today
24:09yes well
24:10I'm not feeling very thirsty at the moment
24:12am I
24:13I mean I had an egg cup full of stagnant water three weeks ago
24:18oh all right come on let's get on this
24:20should we drink each other's or stick to our own
24:26is captain rum joining us for this bring a sample party
24:29or is he going to say this one of
24:31oh no he's been sweeping his for ages
24:33he says he likes it
24:36actually come to think of it he started before the water ran out
24:40oh god
24:41well let's get on with it
24:45so it's the same isn't it
24:47you get all keyed up and then you can't
24:52I've done two bottles
24:54all right then pour it out
24:56come on
24:56then it should counter this
24:58drinking Baldrick's water
25:00say when
25:01when
25:06down the hatch
25:08land
25:10ahoy
25:13ha
25:14France at last
25:16I am a young master
25:18through fair winds and fine seamanship
25:20our vessels once more
25:22edged up on the shores of old blighty
25:25hooray
25:26by lucky chance we have landed at Southampton dock
25:28hooray
25:29very well
25:30last one up the old sea dog
25:32gets a lick of the cat
25:36they look much like Southampton to me my lord
25:39what
25:40all those streams of molten lava and that steamy mangrove swamp
25:45and that crowd of beckoning natives rubbing their tummies and pointing to a large pot
26:01where are they now
26:02well madam
26:03if they haven't been eaten by cannibals
26:06they should be back any minute now
26:08Mars
26:10and you're alive
26:12oh yes
26:13and your silly friend
26:16Lord Persimmon
26:17and your monkey
26:20but where is Captain Rum?
26:23ah
26:23bad news
26:24m'lady
26:24Rum is dead
26:26no
26:29do not despair good woman
26:30he died a hero's death
26:32giving his life
26:34but
26:34his friends
26:35might live
26:36and that his enemies
26:37might have something to go
26:39with their potatoes
26:43yes your fiancé was only a third rate sailor
26:46but a first rate second course
26:50however we did manage to save something of him
26:52as a memento
26:54so
26:55oh
26:58my lucky stars
27:00I shall wear it always
27:01to remind me of him
27:05however ma'am
27:07I am now returned
27:08and my mind cannot help remembering
27:11talk of wedding bells
27:13no
27:14I'm completely bored with explorers
27:17and if you haven't brought me any presents
27:19I'm going to have you executed
27:21ma'am
27:21I only let Riley off
27:24because he blubbed on his way to the block
27:27present please
27:28ah yes ma'am
27:30um
27:30yes
27:31well there was
27:33one thing ma'am
27:34good
27:34a most extraordinary gift
27:36from the island paradise
27:38we visited
27:38hurry up
27:40ah
27:43what is it
27:44a stick
27:47is it a stick
27:48Lord Blackadder
27:49yes ma'am
27:50but
27:51it is a very special stick
27:52because
27:53when you throw it away
27:55it comes back
27:58well
27:59that's no good
28:01is it
28:01because when I throw things away
28:03I don't want them to come back
28:05you
28:06get rid of it
28:07certainly ma'am
28:12what else have you brought
28:13um
28:14yes
28:15well
28:15there was very little time
28:16what with picking the weevils out of biscuits
28:18and
28:19well
28:19thank you
28:20that's their death warrant
28:21well
28:21oh
28:22oh
28:23oh
28:25it's wonderful
28:26but what about Melchia Raleigh
28:29you must have brought something for them as well
28:31uh
28:33Nancy's got her beer
28:34I've got my stick
28:36what about the two boys
28:39um
28:40yes
28:41yes
28:42um
28:42well
28:43there was
28:44ah
28:46there was one thing ma'am
28:47um
28:48a fine wine
28:50from the far east
28:51a most delicious beverage
28:55taste boys
28:56uh
28:56tell us what you think
29:02oh
29:02it certainly has plenty of nose
29:05oh yes
29:06this is very familiar
29:08I
29:09I'm sure you'll be glad to hear
29:11that there is an inexhaustible supply
29:16sir francis and sir walter head
29:20discovered new worlds and new nations
29:23and though black ada from the bed
29:27he tried his hand of navigation
29:30black ada
29:32black ada
29:34he saw the oceans move
29:37black ada
29:39black ada
29:41he should have stayed at home
29:44black ada
29:46black ada
29:48he heard the new world call
29:51black ada
29:53black ada
29:55discovered
29:56borderline
29:58oh
29:59oh
30:00oh
30:00oh
30:00oh
30:00oh
30:01oh
30:02oh
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