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Blackadder (1986) - Stagione 2
Ambientata all'epoca del regno di Elisabetta I. Il protagonista è Lord Edmund Blackadder (interpretato da Rowan Atkinson), un nobile squattrinato, cinico e astuto che cerca di ingraziarsi la potente e lunatica sovrana, rischiando spesso di venire decapitato. Il suo servitore è Baldrick, un misero e stupido omuncolo che cerca di toglierlo dai guai con sghembi piani, stupidi ed inattuabili
#blackadder #rowanatkinson #subita
Ambientata all'epoca del regno di Elisabetta I. Il protagonista è Lord Edmund Blackadder (interpretato da Rowan Atkinson), un nobile squattrinato, cinico e astuto che cerca di ingraziarsi la potente e lunatica sovrana, rischiando spesso di venire decapitato. Il suo servitore è Baldrick, un misero e stupido omuncolo che cerca di toglierlo dai guai con sghembi piani, stupidi ed inattuabili
#blackadder #rowanatkinson #subita
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DivertentiTrascrizione
00:03A presto
00:34Get out, get out, libidinous swine
00:37And take that whore, slut, painted strumpet with you
00:40May you both rot in the filth of your own fornication
00:43And what did you say to him?
00:47Say, madam, I said nothing
00:48I simply pulled up my tights and jumped out of the privy window
00:53Oh, Edmund, you're so naughty
00:56Well, I try, madam
00:57And then ten minutes later, when I've got my breath back, I try again
01:02Yes, ma'am, perhaps now we can turn to more important matters of state
01:05Must we?
01:06I fear so, ma'am
01:07It's a tragic case
01:08My old tutor, Lord Forrest
01:10His son has been kidnapped
01:11And he begs you to help him pay the ransom
01:15Edmund, what would you say?
01:17Well, as you know, madam
01:18I have had experience of this dreadful situation
01:20Only last year, my aunt came to me
01:22To beg for help in the ransom of my uncle Osric
01:25Well, then you know something of the dreadful pain involved
01:28Indeed I do
01:30And can suggest no better answer than the one I gave to her
01:33Which was?
01:34Get stuffed
01:36Look, Ed, you would jest over a young man's life
01:39A young man, read young idiot
01:41Look, anyone stupid enough to let some mustachioed Dago
01:45Come up to them in a corridor
01:46Say, excuse me, meester
01:48And hit them over the head with a big stick
01:50Deserves everything they get
01:56Oh, hello, you're in good fooling this morning
01:58Ah, thank you, Bordick
01:59I heard quite an amusing story myself the other day
02:02Oh, good
02:08Excuse me, ma'am
02:10Yes, what is it?
02:14I said, what is it?
02:15Not hit me hard on the head
02:19Hello, Melchie
02:20I've completely changed my mind about that forest bloke
02:23I mean, he's obviously very stupid
02:25But we can't go around punishing people for that, can we?
02:28Well, certainly not, ma'am
02:29No, if we went around punishing people for being stupid
02:32Nursey would have been in prison all her life
02:35A very picar observation, Majesty
02:37So I will sign this ransom
02:40But it must be the last
02:42Absolutely the last
02:43Final
02:44Full stop
02:45Never again
02:47Cross my heart and hope to die
02:51Surely not hope to die, Majesty
02:53Er, all right, I'll cross that out
02:56Er, here you are
02:59Sorry about the smudge
03:00Thank you, ma'am
03:05Excuse me, maister
03:06Yes?
03:11Oh, God, God, God
03:13What on earth was I drinking last night?
03:17My head feels like there's a Frenchman living in it
03:26Where am I?
03:27Oh
03:28Who's there?
03:29It's I, Melchie
03:30Melchie?
03:31You really ought to get this house of yours clean, haven't you?
03:34It's a real mess
03:36There's no time for jokes, Blackadder
03:38We've been kidnapped
03:39Oh, God
03:40How incredibly embarrassing
03:45As private parts to the gods are we
03:48They play with us for their sport
03:53Oh, God, who's that?
03:54Ti preparo para interrogación y suplicio
03:58Now, just wait a minute
03:59If anyone's going to be spoken to around here
04:01It's going to be me, all right?
04:02Tell them, Melchie
04:03Certainly
04:04Parlo con lui, no me, Capul
04:05Parlo con lui
04:06Ah, bueno
04:07El jefe
04:09Ti preparo para interrogación y suplicio
04:12Ah, that's better
04:15Now, what's he saying?
04:18He says he would like a word with you
04:20Uh-huh
04:20Anything else?
04:22Yes
04:22He says he would like to torture you as well
04:26Right
04:26Now, am I by any chance addressing a senior dignitary of the Spanish Inquisition?
04:31Te gusta la mucha de la Inquisición
04:34Good
04:35Because if I am
04:36I wish to make it quite clear that I am prepared to tell you absolutely anything
04:44No habla, puerco
04:47No speak-o-de-go
04:51I demand to see the British ambassador, understand?
04:55Necesito silencio para comenzar
04:58Oh, for God's sake
04:59Look, how can you question me if you don't speak English?
05:04No, yo pregunto las cuestiones
05:07All right, let's start with the basics
05:11English is a non-inflected Indo-European language
05:14It's derived from dialects and romance
05:19How's that?
05:21Percy?
05:22Yes?
05:22Who's Queen?
05:25Whoops! Butterfingers!
05:28Ah, so I win again
05:30Yes, well done, Your Majesty
05:31And there's definitely been no sign of Edmund
05:34I fear not, Mum
05:37Why, then, he's vanished
05:39Simply vanished
05:41Like an old oak table
05:48Vanished, Lord Percy, not varnished
05:51Forgive me, my lady
05:53But my Uncle Bertram's old oak table completely vanished
05:56It was on the night of the Great Stepney Fire
05:59And on that same terrible night
06:01His house and all his other things completely vanished, too
06:06So did he, in fact
06:08It was a most perplexing mystery
06:12Look, Percy
06:12Yes?
06:14It's up to you
06:16Either you can shut up
06:18Or you can have your head cut off
06:31Oh, shut up
06:33Bastard!
06:36Bastard!
06:38Bastard!
06:39Embarrassed
06:40Bastard!
06:43Embarrassing
06:43You're embarrassing
06:45I'm embarrassing
06:46Er, er, er, rogering
06:48Er, pregnant
06:51Baby
06:52Baby
06:54Bath water
06:57Sounds like
06:58Bastard
07:00Bastard!
07:01No es terminado
07:03Hijo
07:06Hijo
07:06It's a donkey
07:11Padre
07:12Baby, hijo
07:13Little bastard
07:16Padre lei
07:17Boy, mamma, father, son
07:19I'm a bastard son
07:23Thirsty, thirsty bastard
07:26Thirsty barking bastard
07:30Dog, dog
07:31Dog
07:33Woman
07:34Dog
07:36Bitch, I'm a bastard son of a bitch
07:44In that case, you are a fornicating baboon
07:50What?
07:55You
07:55You
07:56You
07:57You are fornicating
08:00Yes, I can't really do it in this box
08:05Tus testiculos
08:08My, um, ah, yes
08:09Those, yes
08:12Sobre un fuego grande
08:14Over a large
08:15Fuego, fuego
08:17Oh, fire, fire, ah, good
08:19Right, so, let's recap
08:20Um, if I admit that I'm in love
08:24No, no
08:26Sorry, head over heels in love
08:28With Satan and all his little wizards
08:32Then you will remove my testicles
08:35With a blunt instrument
08:37Una guadagna
08:38Una guadagna
08:39Resembling some kind of gardening tool
08:41But we can't quite know
08:42Um, ah, ah, ah
08:44Roast them over a large fire
08:46Si, si
08:47Whereas if I don't admit that I'm in love with Satan
08:52And all his, his little wizards
08:54You, you will hold me upside down
08:57In a vat of warm marmalade
09:03And remove my testicles with a blunt
09:07Oh, I see
09:09Oh, well, well, in that case
09:10I love Satan
09:12Oh, it's a scythe
09:22Oh, I don't know
09:23I've looked everywhere
09:27Perhaps
09:29They're not
09:31Hiding
09:32At all
09:35Perhaps
09:35They've been
09:36Kidnapped
09:37Nonsense
09:39As Edmund said
09:41Only real idiots get kidnapped
09:42Do they?
09:45Oh
09:46Stop
09:52Forgive me, Herr Blackadder
09:54I have been neglecting my duties as a host
09:59Please accept my apologies
10:05I accept nothing from a man who imprisons his guests in a commode
10:12I hope this scum
10:15Has not inconvenienced you
10:18It takes more than a maniac trying to cut off my ghoulies to inconvenience me
10:23Good
10:23If he had inconvenienced you
10:26I was going to offer you his tongue
10:29Believe me, sir
10:30If he had inconvenienced me
10:33You would not have a tongue with which to make such an offer
10:36Let me assure you, Herr Blackadder
10:38If I no longer had a tongue with which to make such an offer
10:41You would no longer have a tongue with which to tell me that if I had been on the convenience
10:46Still
10:46I would no longer have a tongue with which to offer you his tongue
10:51Yes, well, enough of this banter
10:54Who the hell are you, sausage breast?
10:59You do not remember me then, Herr Blackadder
11:01I don't believe I've had the pleasure
11:03Oh, on the contrary
11:04We have met many times
11:05Although you knew me by another name
11:08Do you recall a mysterious black marketeer and smuggler called Otto
11:14With whom you used to dine and plot and plays a biscuit game
11:18That's an old pizzle in Dover
11:19Oh, my God
11:21Yes
11:22I was the waiters
11:27I don't believe it, you big sally
11:32Will you have another piece of pie, my lord?
11:35But I went to bed with you tonight
11:40For my country, I am willing to make any sacrifice
11:44Yes, but I'm not
11:45I must have been paralytic
11:48Indeed you will
11:49Mr. Floppy
11:51Yes, all right
11:55Now, would you mind
11:56Such a disappointment for a girl
11:58Yes, all right
11:59You might be a little joke
12:00It really doesn't matter
12:01We'll try again in a few minutes
12:02Have a look through these naughty parchments
12:05Oh, yes
12:06We are proud of our comic-serving wench voice, aren't we?
12:10Just because we can say zur instead of sir
12:13As some sort of social gatherings
12:14The tedious little turd who keeps putting on amusing voices
12:17Quiet!
12:18What else have you got in your astoundingly inventive repertoire, I wonder?
12:21Ah, a brilliant drunk Glaswegian, no doubt
12:24A hilarious black man
12:26See you, Jimmy
12:27Where am dat warty melon?
12:30Oh, my goodness
12:31I can't wait for your side-splitting poof
12:34And that funny little croaky one who isn't anyone in particular
12:36But it's such a scream
12:38And most of all, I like the one you do all the time
12:41The fatted German chamber pot standing in front of me
12:46You know, you talk too much, Black Adam
12:48I think it's a case of wearable diarrhea that you're having
12:52I should perhaps tell you
12:55That I have given the Queen only a week to apply to my ransom demand
12:58Unless she pays up, you die horribly
13:03She will pay up
13:04And then within a week, you die horribly, horribly
13:09You find yourself amusing, Black Adam
13:11I try not to fly in the face of public opinion
13:13You know, I think
13:14I think that in a week from now
13:16You'll be less in the mood for being amusing
13:18At least when I am in the mood, I can be amusing
13:21Then choose your next criticism carefully, Herr Blacker
13:23It may be your last
13:25Guards, fetch his friend
13:36Don't match it, we meet again
13:38No, I don't think we've had the pleasure
13:39You do not recognize me, then
13:44Let me refresh your memory
13:46You remember when you were in Cornwall at the monastery
13:49There was an old shepherd with whom you used to talk
13:51Good Lord, Timkins?
13:53Yes, I was one of his sheep
13:55He was one of his sheep?
13:59Not, yes
14:00Fluffy?
14:01Yes
14:01But didn't we?
14:02Yes, Lord Metz
14:10But enough of such pleasant reminiscences, eh?
14:15The guard has found an interesting document in your clothing
14:18Oh, I shouldn't pay much attention to that if I were you
14:22The Queen says that she will pay only one ransom
14:24But it must be the last
14:26Absolutely the last
14:27Final
14:28Full stop
14:28Never again
14:29Cost my heart
14:30And hope to be spanked
14:32Until my bottom goes purple
14:35She has a difficult choice in front of her, has she not?
14:38Not really
14:38Bad luck melts her still
14:40Life
14:42Overrated, I reckon
14:43Yes, gentlemen
14:44Well, if you'll excuse me
14:45I have work to do
14:47Evil plots don't just make themselves, you know
14:55Dear Queen
14:58I, evil Prince Ludwig the Indestructible
15:01Have your two friends
15:03And you must
15:06Shoes between them
15:07The ransom is one million kroner
15:10Many, many
15:14Apologis for the inconvenience
15:17Oh, my goodness
15:18What a difficult choice
15:20But isn't the first difficult choice you've ever had to make my little tadpole?
15:23No, that's true
15:24No, in the old days
15:25It was all difficult choices
15:27Should you have nursery milk or more cow milk?
15:30Because it's always nursery milk
15:31But then left breasty dumpling or right breasty dumpling?
15:36Because it was always both breasty dumplings
15:38Ah, but then which one first?
15:40Shut up, nursery
15:43Oh, my goodness
15:45This is very confusing
15:48Lord Percy
15:50Play a while to calm my spirits
15:53Certainly, Mum
15:57Pat a cake, pat a cake, makers, man
15:59Ah, ha, you're it
16:01Ring-a-ring-a, Rosie
16:02Oh, fall down
16:06What say you, Blackadder?
16:08I sing a song to keep our spirits up
16:10That all depends whether you want the slop bucket over your head or not
16:15Well, perhaps some pleasant word game
16:18It's all right
16:19Make a sentence out of the following words
16:22Face sodding
16:24You're shut
16:29For God's sake, man
16:30We must do something to relieve our minds of the terrible fate that awaits us
16:36Awaits you, Melty, not me
16:38How's my beard looking?
16:41Alas, shall I never see England more
16:44Her rolling fields
16:45Her swooping swallows
16:48And her playful sheep
16:53Ah, about time, too
16:54Gentlemen, the answer has arrived
16:57Well, thank God I'm sick of this place
17:00The conditions are just disgraceful
17:02Oh, it's like a prison in here
17:04I shall read it to you
17:06Ah, typical master criminal
17:08Loves the sound of his own voice
17:10After long and very careful deliberation
17:13The Queen has decided to expense around some money
17:15Um...
17:16A big party
17:21Just impossible to decide between my two faves
17:24So, I've decided to keep the cash
17:28Have a withy jolly time
17:31And try to forget both of you
17:35Hope you're not too miffed
17:39Bye
17:48As you can imagine, my friends, this makes me very unhappy
17:51Oh, I am sorry
17:54But if you gentlemen were to tell me a way to
17:57Let us say
17:58Gain access to your Queen
17:59I might just be able to commute your deaths
18:02To a life sentence
18:04Are you suggesting we betray her?
18:08Oh, yes
18:11All right
18:13Black letter, what are you saying?
18:14What a loyalty, honour, self-respect
18:16What of them?
18:19Nothing
18:21So you will both play ball?
18:24Yep
18:27Oh, what joy
18:28See how you collapse before me
18:31You great and incorruptible English knobs
18:33So proud of your great big stiff upper lips
18:37Bloating is a sign of insecurity, Ludwig, stop it
18:40Now, do you want to know how to get to the Queen or not?
18:42Yes, I saw some kind of disguise
18:44You know, I do a very good marry Queen of Scots
18:50Ootsman Wales Maheed
18:55What sort of party should it be?
18:58Oh, fancy dress
19:00I love fancy dress
19:03Nothing?
19:04I think
19:05It should be one of those ones
19:07Where everybody comes with nothing on at all
19:11Shut up, then
19:13I agree with you, acting Lord Chamberlain
19:15Look
19:16If we're really going to forget our woes
19:18Then we should have as much fun as possible
19:20And what could be more fun
19:22Than a party where people come dressed as
19:24Frogs and rabbits and nuns
19:27And bits of wood
19:30You're not going to come as a bit of wood
19:32Aren't I?
19:33No
19:34Oh
19:35Well, how about a pencil, then?
19:37Should I come as a pencil?
19:39Don't be silly, Nursie
19:40You always talk like this
19:42And you always end up coming as the same thing
19:44Don't I?
19:45Yes, you know
19:46You do
19:46Everybody
19:48Lassie
19:51What does Nursie always come to fancy dress parties dressed as?
19:55I thought everybody knew
19:56Yes, everybody, apparently
19:58Except Nursie
19:59Tell her
19:59She always comes as a cow
20:02Yes, that's right
20:04A lovely, lovely cow
20:06With great big lovely udders
20:07Swing around going
20:09Moo
20:11Come to Nursie, cow
20:13You lovely little heifers
20:14Oh, yes, what fun
20:15I want to be a cow again, please
20:18Shut up
20:19Isn't Nursie stupid?
20:21She certainly is, Mum
20:25You see
20:26We're having a good time already
20:30We've completely forgotten about those chaps in prison, haven't we?
20:40What chaps?
20:45Hands fight! Hands fight!
20:50My friends, I come to bid you farewell
20:54These guards will eventually die of old age
20:56But their sons will, I'm sure, go on attending to your needs
20:59Thank you for your concern, but in fact, we intend to escape
21:02With your information, gentlemen
21:04I intend to bring down your queen and country
21:07The master of disguise will become the master of the world
21:12Yes, one thing, Ludwig, just before you go
21:14What?
21:15Were you ever bullied at school?
21:19What do you mean?
21:20Well, all this ranting and raving about power
21:23There must be some reason for it
21:25Nonsense! No, at my school
21:27Having dirty hair on spots was a sign of maturity
21:31I thought so
21:32And I bet your mother made you wear shorts
21:34Right up to your final year
21:36Shut up! Shut up!
21:39Well, I am king of England
21:40No one will ever dare call me
21:42Shorty, greasy, spot spot again
21:47That's the nerve then, I think
21:49And what good is it going to do us
21:51If we're doomed to rot here until we die?
21:54No, don't worry, I've got a plan
21:55Really?
21:55Yes, now that Ludwig's gone
21:57We should have no trouble overcoming the guards
22:00Germans are sticklers for efficiency
22:02And I've been watching their routine
22:03I've selected the moment when they are at their most vulnerable
22:06That is when we will attack
22:08Brilliant!
22:09How?
22:10That is the most cunning bit
22:14I'm spoilt! I'm spoilt! I'm spoilt! I'm spoilt! I'm spoilt!
22:18Right, now this is it
22:20Don't forget, when they are at their most vulnerable
22:22I'm spoilt! I'm spoilt! Halt!
22:24Jingle the keys
22:27Open the door!
22:31Greetings to the prisoners
22:35Guten Abend, Englander scum
22:39March to the table
22:40Eins, zwei, eins, zwei, eins, zwei, eins, zwei, eins, zwei, eins, zwei, eins, zwei, eins, zwei, eins, zwei
22:47Halt!
22:48Food on the table
22:50Eins, zwei
23:21Sit on the food
23:21brilliant your father is born again it's badly well hope not or else I won't be queen anymore
23:30yours is pretty good too what is it it's nothing ma'am just a mere trifle I threw together
23:38doesn't look much like a trifle it's more like a fruit's hallowed to me
23:45I see Nessie's really excelled herself
23:56what are you meant to be a pencil case
24:09we had tea and cakes and venison and then a trip with a couple of little friends to
24:17the executions how sweet if I wanted any of my little friends executed that is
24:23oh how I do wish Edmund could be here he always loved parties and always always wore very very
24:31tight tight
24:35Edmund who?
24:37Edmund Blackadder
24:38oh
24:39majesty
24:39oh Edmund but
24:41did you ever know me to miss a party?
24:43oh
24:45and what about Lord Melchard?
24:47yes unfortunately ma'am he made it too
24:50rapture
24:51joy beyond measure
24:53bliss which cannot be counted on one's fingers
25:04sorry Edmund
25:05nothing?
25:08yes um
25:10unfortunately apart from my nose getting a little prettier
25:13nothing much has changed around here
25:15your animal still isn't house trade
25:18Percy's still unemployed
25:20and nurse is one stick short of a bundle
25:22ooh
25:23Myers thank you for reminding me
25:26ah
25:26ah
25:27oh
25:27nurse
25:28you've killed nurse
25:30that's horrid
25:31scots scots
25:34take him away and execute him
25:35he's killed nurse
25:37can anyone help me with my orders?
25:41yes
25:41yes
25:42yes
25:43and may I introduce our erstwhile captor
25:46Prince Ludwig the Indestructible
25:50ah
25:51Queen Elizabeth
25:52we meet again
25:54oh no
25:55I don't think so actually
25:58yes you remember when you were young
26:00and
26:01your father used to take you riding on a
26:03magnificent grey pony
26:05that he used to kiss and fondle in the stable yard
26:10I
26:10I was a tall and attractive German stable lad who held him
26:16yes
26:16you?
26:17uh
26:18shorty gritty spot spot
26:19no
26:21no
26:22no
26:22no
26:23no
26:24you will all of you
26:24regret the day that you've mocked my complexion
26:28I shall return
26:29and freak my rewingy
26:32well you will die and be buried
26:39strange man
26:42but how did you know it was him?
26:44this was the information with which we bought our lives
26:47we told him that if the Queen was having a party
26:50that nurse he always goes as a cow
26:53for one moment he was doomed
26:54all we had to do was escape
26:56return
26:56and kill the cow
26:59but how could you be sure it was not nurse
27:01because lady
27:02Ludwig was a master of disguise
27:05whereas nurse is a sad insane old woman with another fixation
27:11all we had to do was kill the one that looked like the cow
27:17that was the mistake I knew that Ludwig would make
27:19his disguise was too good
27:21gosh Edmund how brilliant
27:24welcome home
27:25well I must say ma'am it's good to be back
27:27welcome Edmund
27:28did you
27:30miss me?
27:31I certainly did
27:32many was the time Percy I said to myself
27:35I wish Percy was here
27:37being tortured instead of me
27:41girl we have missed your wit
27:44do you miss me my lord?
27:46um
27:47oh Rick is it?
27:49that's right
27:49no not really
27:53and me
27:54did you miss me Edmund?
27:57madam
27:58life without you was like
28:00a broken pencil
28:04explain
28:06pointless
28:10beware all he who lust for fame
28:12the path of life is most uncertain
28:16prince ludwig thought he'd won the game
28:22black adder black adder black adder black adder he beats the hand by luck
28:30black adder black adder he's smarter than a duck
28:37lord belgit lord belgit lord belgit
28:42intelligent and deep
28:44lord belgit lord belgit
28:48my shame about the sheep
29:07now this is a disguise I'm really going to enjoy
29:10if I can just get the voice right
29:14life without you
29:14i Leah
29:15lord belgit
29:15so
29:15leave
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