- 7 months ago
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00:30I don't get it, maybe it's me, but why Jasper? Jasper. You can't design clothes with a name
00:47like Jasper Conran. It should be something more like Wayne. Or, no, hang on a minute,
00:55Darren. Darren Conran, that's it. What do you think of that, eh, Belle? Hey, ding-dong.
00:58Oi, shut it. I'm trying to write. This is important, this is. Win a year's supply of fresh flowers.
01:06Yes, a romantic bouquet every, yes, every day of the year. What do you want to win that for?
01:14Cos if you win flowers, you can send them to women, can't you? Which women? Do you mean your wife?
01:20The bloody hell they want to send her flowers for. No, you know, you can send them to other women.
01:28Look, you're in a bar, right? You meet a woman, you have a few drinks, and then you get a bit
01:37dead romantic, you know, and then she slaps your face, so you stick her in a taxi, right?
01:42Well, next morning, she's lying in bed, you know, feeling a bit, uh, rueful.
01:47Yeah. There's a knock on the door, and there's this florist standing there with a bunch of flowers.
01:52From you? No, from the Pope. Of course it's from you, you dafty.
01:56What happens then is, you see, she gets all contrite, runs around to your house, and asks you out to dinner.
02:01And then what?
02:03Well, that's when you get your jollies, isn't it?
02:05Jollies.
02:08John, do you seriously think a woman's gonna fall for that load of old crap?
02:12This is solid gold, this is.
02:14I'm telling you.
02:15Might as well say, win a year's supply of free birds, because that's what you end up with.
02:19Oh, did he say birds?
02:21Oh, how very quaint, how very swinging 60s, how very London red bus.
02:27What do you know about it anyway, Puff?
02:29You're not married.
02:29Ben, just one point.
02:33When this woman, the one you've sent the flowers to, when she comes running round to your house in the morning to ask you back to her place for a meal, won't your wife be there?
02:42I'll send her down the shops, won't I?
02:44That's no way to carry on.
02:46Nearly 44 years I've been married, and I've never stood.
02:50Here, what is it for your 44th anniversary?
02:53I know it's paper for your first, and diamond for your 60th, but what is it for your 44th?
02:58Zinc.
02:59You'll have to buy her a bath.
03:03Here, you should do this one.
03:05It's a good one, this is.
03:06I don't want to.
03:07What?
03:07Win a night out with former page three girl Angela Wilson.
03:10What do you want to win that for?
03:12Yes.
03:13Be the envy of every man.
03:15When we whisk you away to one of the city's top restaurants for a romantic candlelit dinner for two with Angela Wilson, our current Miss Electrical Goods.
03:23After a successful year promoting our goods nationwide, we're sure that you and Angela will have lots to talk about.
03:31What do you want to win that for?
03:32No, that's the third prize.
03:34You get a telly and a video for the first prize, and a set of hand luggage for the second prize.
03:38The tart's the third prize.
03:39We don't want the tart.
03:40We want the first or the second prize.
03:42Do you have to say that word?
03:44What?
03:45Tart.
03:46Well, that's what she is.
03:46Look, former page three girl, see?
03:49Yeah, it must be funny.
03:50That's taking all your clothes off in front of strangers.
03:54Well, I've done it.
03:56No, ding dong, I think the Sarge meant when they, women, glamour models, when they do it for a living.
04:01I don't think he was referring to some impromptu drink-fjord striptease performed at one of the low-life hostelries you frequent.
04:10Oi, big mouth.
04:12Just do the bloody competition, otherwise they'll beat your brains out.
04:15Well, since you put it like that.
04:20Sarge, give me a number.
04:21It's not right, you know.
04:23It won't make a bloody difference whether he's dead.
04:26All right, double five then.
04:28Double five.
04:32Stop it.
04:34Anybody there?
04:35No, I'm not here.
04:36Check it.
04:37Sorry, bus was late.
04:39There's a letter there for you.
04:40Eh?
04:40Yeah, you've got the sack.
04:42I haven't.
04:43I haven't got the sack.
04:45Who said I've got the sack, eh?
04:47Hey, I haven't got the sack.
04:49I haven't.
04:50I haven't got the sack.
04:51What is it then?
04:52It's, er, nothing.
04:53It's just that stupid competition you made me do ages ago.
04:56Oh, aye.
04:57You haven't won a telly in a video, have you?
04:59No, no, I haven't won a telly in a video.
05:01What about a matching set of hand luggage?
05:03No, I haven't.
05:04It's just a thank you note, just, you know, for entering, that's all.
05:06Not even third prize, okay?
05:08And once more, a hush falls over the circus ring.
05:13Yes, even Beppo, the lovable clown, ceases his side-splitting antics for a moment and watches, spellbound, as the great Bellini aims at his beautiful assistant.
05:24Oh, sod it.
05:28Sarge, would there be a chance of a night off on the 25th?
05:33We don't have nights off, you know that.
05:35Yeah, I know, but this is a special case, you see.
05:37There's a kid in our block, he's not been very well lately and he's, he never complains though, he's always got a little smile on his face.
05:42Anyway, he's, he's sitting out of his flat the other day, smiling, you know, not complaining as usual, sitting in his wheelchair and, um, and, uh, he must be feeling a bit lonely lately because he looked me straight in the eyes, you know, smiling and not complaining and he said, um, he said, any chance of a romantic candlelit dinner on the 25th?
06:03You've won that third prize, haven't you?
06:05No, I haven't.
06:06He can't go, come inside, tell him he can't go.
06:08He's got to stay here with all, but listen, I'd go and that's that.
06:11Yeah, right, fine, okay, lovely, I understand.
06:15The rules of the game, no time off, I knew that when I took the job, okay, fair's fair, it's just my hard luck, okay.
06:23So I can't go then?
06:24No, you stupid, rotten, dirty, filthy bastards!
06:27Show us a letter!
06:27Oh, light your pipe with it!
06:29No, no, no, hang on, hang on.
06:32It says here, you've won a night out with Miss Angela Wilson.
06:36Well, that is incredible, because I could have sworn when I read it, I'd won a night out with Miss Angela Wilson.
06:41No, no, no, what I mean is, since you can't go to her, why doesn't she come to you?
06:48Us.
06:52Yeah!
06:52Anybody there?
07:02There's no money here, but us check-ins.
07:05It's raining.
07:06Yeah, I know, we're just going to have to improvise, that's all.
07:09Dear, did you get that meat?
07:10Yeah, there you go.
07:12Oh, God, I'm so nervous.
07:14I only slept all day, been pacing my room for hours.
07:18I don't know what you're making such a fuss about, lad, it's only a girl.
07:22What's that, then?
07:23Huh?
07:24Oh!
07:24Oh, this, yeah.
07:26I forgot me tie.
07:28Pull over.
07:29Yeah.
07:29You know how you misplace things.
07:31Believe it or not, these were the first things I could lay my hands on.
07:34You wouldn't be wearing it to impress this Miss Wilson, then, eh?
07:37I'm happily married, lad.
07:38Yeah.
07:38Miss Wilson wouldn't be interested in an old man like me.
07:41No, she wouldn't.
07:43It's raining!
07:43My fireworks got soaked!
07:55What?
07:57What?
07:57Oh, yeah.
07:58I had a bit of trouble with me other trousers.
08:01Oh, yeah.
08:02What?
08:03I had to use them to put out a fire.
08:06Yeah, it's dead strange, it was.
08:08I was sitting at home in my front room, just lighting up a fag, you know.
08:11And this little dog jumped through the window and nudged me elbow and, you're not going
08:16to believe this, I picked up this bottle of paraffin.
08:19Oh, God, it's pathetic.
08:21You're trying to impress Miss Wilson as well, aren't you?
08:23Well, you're just as bad.
08:24You've got your best uniform on.
08:25No, I haven't.
08:26I just threw this one on, that's all.
08:28Seven o'clock!
08:29Miss Wilson, she should be here.
08:31I suppose I'd better slip down and meet her.
08:33What are we going to do, then?
08:33Well, I suppose you two had better stay here and finish tidying up.
08:41Hey.
08:42What?
08:44What are we?
08:46What?
08:48Devils, that's what we are.
08:50Would you stop doing that?
08:53Hey.
08:54That hurt.
08:55And that.
08:56Well, stop it.
08:56Well, you stop it.
08:57Stop it.
08:58Stop it.
09:00Stop it.
09:01You're a brat.
09:02Anybody there?
09:03There's nobody here but us, Dickie.
09:07Gentlemen, please.
09:10This is Miss Wilson.
09:12This is Mr. Carter.
09:14And this is Mr. Bell.
09:16Well.
09:22I've never been on a dinner date like this before.
09:26This is a first for me.
09:29Is Nick here?
09:31He might be.
09:32Who's Nick?
09:34Well, Nick.
09:34Nick, the photographer.
09:36Photographer?
09:36Photograph?
09:37What?
09:37You want to take photographs?
09:38I've not done anything wrong.
09:39Oh, no, no, no.
09:39It's just for the trade papers.
09:41You know, me shaking your hands.
09:42Miss Wilson.
09:44Take a seat.
09:45Oh, thank you.
09:46If you don't mind, we, that is the lads and I, have prepared a little entertainment for your discernment.
09:53Oh, lovely.
09:54Oh, lovely.
09:55London's burning.
09:56London's burning.
09:58London's burning.
09:59London's burning.
10:00Fire, fire.
10:02Fire, fire.
10:03Fire fire! Fire fire!
10:05Fire fire!
10:07Fire fire!
10:09Throw them water!
10:11London's burning!
10:13London's burning!
10:15Very nice!
10:33Shally-wally, shally-wally, shally-wally, shally-wally
10:37Oom-pa, oom-pa, oom-pa, oom-pa, oom-pa, oom-pa, oom-pa
10:41Very nice!
10:43Doug, how's that barbecue coming along?
10:47It's popped out some heat!
10:49Brickettes, Miss Wilson.
10:53Brickettes.
10:55Charcoal on the barbecue.
10:57Brickettes. We find them more satisfactory. Is that all right?
10:59Yeah.
11:01How do you like your steak done?
11:03Would you like it, er, well done, medium, or bleu?
11:07Actually, I'm, er,
11:09I'm not all that hungry.
11:11You've got to eat something, Miss Wilson.
11:13Oh, come on. That's not a pick on you.
11:15You're wasting the weight.
11:17I've got to watch my figure, you know.
11:19I mean, I can put on weight just by looking at food.
11:23Yes, it's a constant battle with me, weight.
11:25Chocolate, that's my downfall.
11:27And it's no good just dieting, either.
11:29I have to work out.
11:33Work out?
11:35Yeah, you know, exercise.
11:37At a gym?
11:39Oh, dance centre. That's where all the girls go.
11:41Well, all the girls in my line of work.
11:43I mean, we have to look after our bodies, don't we?
11:45Oh!
11:47Have you got your own leotard?
11:55Why doesn't somebody answer it?
11:57Go on, I answered it last week.
12:01Hello?
12:03Hello? Nick? Nick?
12:05Oh, it's Nick! It's Nick, the photographer!
12:07Hello, Nick, it's me!
12:09You're where?
12:10No, no, you're miles out of your way.
12:12No, listen.
12:13Carry on down where you are, you'll come to a crossroads.
12:15Turn right.
12:17That'll bring you back where you were before.
12:19Nick, Nick, don't turn left.
12:21You don't want to turn left.
12:23No.
12:24You don't want to turn left, that'll bring you to the estate.
12:26You don't want to go there.
12:27You don't want to go there, Nick.
12:28You don't want to go there, Nick.
12:29Whatever you do, don't turn left.
12:30Turn right.
12:31That's it.
12:32Right.
12:34How's Nick?
12:35This Nick, Miss Wilson, is your boyfriend, is he?
12:38Nick?
12:39No!
12:40Nick's not my boyfriend, Nick's gay.
12:46What?
12:47Nick lives with Terry.
12:50They share the same beds.
12:52You mean this other bloke's his brother?
12:57Ding dong.
12:58I think he's a friend of Dorothy's.
13:03You mean he's a puff?
13:06He'd get on one with you, wouldn't he?
13:09He's like that.
13:10He's not married either.
13:11Oh, dear me.
13:12What a gay day.
13:14Here, it's sad.
13:15It's back to the world when Nick turns up, isn't it?
13:17Here, if you drop any loose change on the four-dump,
13:19bend down to pick it up.
13:20You never know what might happen.
13:22Well, I'm sorry, but I don't find that the least bit amusing.
13:25I just hate that sort of thing.
13:26It's so moronic.
13:27Nick's a very good friend of mine.
13:31He made me stay it.
13:32He made me say it, Miss Wilson.
13:35Come on, Mr Carter.
13:36Let's take a little look around.
13:38You did.
13:39You paid me to say it.
13:46It's like a cauldron, isn't it?
13:48What?
13:49Why not?
13:50I dread to think what'll happen when we put a kebab on it.
13:58Look, about just now, you know, about what I said, you know, about Nick.
14:04I mean, no, that sort of thing doesn't bother me at all, you know.
14:07I mean, we had a lad like that in my class when I was at school.
14:11The fair-haired kid he was.
14:14Used to go roller skating.
14:18And that meant he was gay, did it?
14:20No, no, no.
14:21Not all the time.
14:23Look, you've got the wrong idea about me, you know.
14:27I might seem a bit rough and ready, you know.
14:31This place, this job, you know, it's...
14:34I get no time to read, you know, to go to the theatre and watch films and stuff, you know.
14:40Oh, do you like films?
14:41I love films.
14:43And me, yeah.
14:44I love films.
14:45Me, Al.
14:46I'm always watching films.
14:47Oh, have you seen any lately?
14:49Well, yeah, I did see this film once.
14:51Oh, tell me about it.
14:53Well...
14:56There was this bloke...
14:59...wearing a woman's dress.
15:02And he was riding on this horse with a big lump on its back.
15:06And they were on this beach with, well, you know, sand.
15:11And, er, all these wogs were chasing after him.
15:15You mean Lawrence of Arabia?
15:17That's it, yeah, yeah, yeah.
15:21See, we're getting on all right now, aren't we?
15:24Now, it's no use shouting at me, Nick.
15:27We told you to turn left.
15:29He's on that estate.
15:31Yes, no, calm down.
15:32Calm down.
15:33What's that?
15:34Some people are using your car for a roadblock.
15:38And they've set fire to it first.
15:40Why do they always do that?
15:42I mean, a car's just as good a roadblock without being setting fire.
15:46What?
15:49Somebody's knocking on your phone box.
15:51And he's got a what?
15:53That's illegal.
15:54He shouldn't have one of those.
15:57Oh, he wants you to give him your wallet.
16:00Oh, that's tricky.
16:01Yeah.
16:02Well, has the wallet got any sentimental value?
16:05Could you not just give them the contents of the wallet?
16:07Is there nobody there to arbitrate?
16:09Hello?
16:10Nick?
16:12Pips have gone.
16:13Drives you mad, that, doesn't it?
16:15Well, he'll be all right, though.
16:16I mean, he'll be here soon.
16:18Oh, I should think so, yes, undoubtedly, probably.
16:22You know, it's a funny business, that.
16:24I can't make head or tail of it.
16:27Head or tail of what?
16:28No, it's just this thing I was reading, you know.
16:30Do you know that some women apparently prefer older men?
16:34Incredible, isn't it?
16:35Anyway, that's what this thing said.
16:37It said that older men were more mature, had seen more of life, were more relaxed.
16:42Fancy that, eh?
16:43Some young women actually prefer an older man.
16:46Oh, I don't know how they could.
16:47I'd throw up.
16:48Yes, I think I'll just take a look around.
16:56Funny job you lot have got.
16:58What do you do with yourself during the day?
17:00Me?
17:01Oh, all sorts.
17:03Sleep, read, catch up with my correspondents.
17:05Might meet a friend for a bite of lunch at an art gallery.
17:09There's not enough hours in the day, really.
17:12Look, about what my mate Ding Dong said just now about me being, you know, well, I'm not, see.
17:18I mean, not there's anything wrong in being, you know, but I'm not.
17:22I know you're not.
17:25Oh, oh, sorry.
17:27Thanks.
17:28I had an early session this morning.
17:33Session?
17:34Yeah, modelling session with Nick.
17:36Glamour work.
17:37And here's me saying I'll never do it when I reach 30.
17:41Went well, did it, your session?
17:43No, actually, I had a bit of an argument with Nick.
17:46What, er, backdrop didn't suit?
17:49It wasn't a backdrop, it was Nick.
17:51Yeah.
17:52He wanted me to assume a position that at all, honestly, I couldn't see myself agreeing to.
17:59So, what happened then?
18:02Oh, well, you're compromised, don't you?
18:05Yeah.
18:06Have you ever modelled?
18:07Yeah.
18:08You could have, you know.
18:09Me?
18:10Well, I was offered a sort of modelling job once.
18:13Oh, yeah?
18:14Yeah, this bloke came up to me in the street and gave me a piece of paper with an address
18:17on.
18:18I didn't follow it through, though.
18:19Oh, why not?
18:20Well, I was with my mum, I had to carry her shopping, didn't I?
18:22Where have the other two gone?
18:27Walk about.
18:28What's that?
18:29Walking about, you know, looking in empty offices.
18:31Why?
18:32See if there's anybody there.
18:33And is there?
18:34No, of course not.
18:35Oh, what's the point of you being here, then?
18:36Well, it's obvious, isn't it?
18:37To prevent anybody else being here.
18:38I mean, if we weren't here, somebody else would be here.
18:40We shouldn't be here.
18:41That's why we're here.
18:42Oh, they might not, though.
18:43No, they might not, but then again, they might.
18:45That's why we're here.
18:46Doesn't sound much of a job to me.
18:48Well, we can't all be in your league, can we?
18:50Not all of us are cut out to provide such a vital service as yourself, are we?
18:53There's nothing wrong with my job.
18:55Oh, no.
18:56It's very important.
18:57I mean, just think if you lot went on strike, there'd be chaos, wouldn't there?
19:00The whole country would grind to a halt.
19:02Oh, look, all I say-
19:03Look, we've gone to a lot of trouble for you, you know?
19:05Singing songs, letting off fireworks, and where do you think that meat came from?
19:08It doesn't grow on trees, you know?
19:09And you've got to cheat to walk in here, stop making snide innuendos about our job.
19:13And the funny thing is, we didn't even want you, you were third prize.
19:16Do you realise that, eh?
19:17Tart!
19:18Third prize!
19:19We wanted the TV and the video.
19:20We'd have even settled for the matching hand luggage.
19:24Oh, my God!
19:25Oh, I'm so sorry, Miss Wilson.
19:27There's nobody here but us chickens.
19:30He made me say it, Miss Wilson, he made me say it!
19:33Here, what's the matter?
19:34Come on, Miss Wilson, buy you a bunch of flowers, come on.
19:36Hello!
19:37No, no, Miss Wilson, nothing can ever be that bad.
19:40Look, I didn't mean anything, I said-
19:42It's all right, it's not you, it's me.
19:44I can't stand this job.
19:46I don't know why I do it.
19:48Having to promote some stupid product I couldn't care less about.
19:51Having to meet people like you.
19:53Well, perhaps it would be possible for you to find a situation more suited to your particular talents.
19:58Well, I've tried, haven't I?
20:00But I haven't got the right voice for it, they said.
20:02What job's this then, Miss Wilson?
20:04I've always wanted to work on a make-up counter.
20:06You know, demonstrating.
20:08I've always wanted to demonstrate.
20:10Demonstrate?
20:11To describe or explain by the use of specimens or experiments.
20:15That's it, yeah, demonstrate.
20:17Yeah.
20:18But I haven't got the right voice for it.
20:19You see, my voice is too common.
20:20And I've been to hundreds of interviews and I can do the job I can.
20:23Only they won't let me, they won't give me a chance.
20:25You could demonstrate for us if you want.
20:29What?
20:31Yeah, you can give us a demonstration.
20:34Yeah, the, uh, demonstrator.
20:37Well, I suppose I could, if you don't mind.
20:43I'd need a model, though, to demonstrate on.
20:54Lovely.
20:58Nearly finished, ladies, if you'll just bear with me.
21:01And there we are, ladies.
21:07Any questions?
21:09Yes, madam, the lady there.
21:11Have you any tips for the older woman?
21:14Yes.
21:15Three words.
21:16Don't overdo it.
21:18Oh, I know the temptations, but I can assure you a light foundation,
21:22plenty of moisturiser and a sprinkling of powder
21:25can have you OAPs looking like 18 years old again.
21:30Not now, Nick.
21:31Thanks, Nick.
21:32I've got one.
21:33Yes, ma'am.
21:34I'm quite an avid swimmer.
21:35Do you have any...
21:36Waterproof mascara?
21:37A must!
21:38Yeah!
21:40I mean, we don't want to be seen climbing out of that pool looking like a panda,
21:43do we?
21:47And ladies, do I beg you, please remember to take that make-up off at night.
21:52Yeah.
21:53It's seven.
21:54Seven?
21:55Yeah.
21:56We always leave at seven.
21:58Oh.
22:01Oh, well, it's been nice.
22:04Yeah.
22:05We must do it again sometime.
22:06Well, uh, I'd better be off then.
22:10I was gonna get a lift with Nick, but I suppose I'll have to catch a bus now.
22:14Oh, no!
22:15Wouldn't dream of it.
22:16I'll hand you a taxi.
22:17Yeah, I'll take you, humbug.
22:18Yeah.
22:19Here's your coat.
22:20Well, uh, I'd better be off then.
22:23Yeah.
22:24Look, I was just...
22:25Do you...
22:26Do you fancy a drink sometime?
22:29A drink?
22:30Well, that's a bit difficult, see, because I work here all night and then I'll sleep during
22:34the day, so it's a bit difficult, really.
22:37Oh, well, uh, just a thought.
22:38Bye, then.
22:39Hello, Nick.
22:40You're what?
22:41You're being held ransom?
22:42Eh?
22:43If we don't pay up, they're gonna send us your what?
23:00Oh, dear.
23:03What would we want with that?
23:06Nick, Nick, just look on it as a learning experience, eh?
23:11Eh?
23:12Eh?
23:13Eh?
23:14What?
23:15We did it.
23:16We did.
23:17We're mad.
23:18We bloody did it.
23:19Yeah, we're mad.
23:20We're mad.
23:21We're mad and bad.
23:22Oh, stop it.
23:23That hurt.
23:24Stop that hurt.
23:25You, now, will you?
23:26Stop it.
23:27Ah!
23:28Ah!
23:29Ah!
23:34At certain night, the night we met, there was magic abroad in the air.
23:43Really?
23:44Dumbú shake!
23:45Oh, do, how do you smell?
23:47Oh, do, how do you smell?
23:48Tom?
23:49Wow.
23:50h!
23:51Dumbú say, geez, geez, 건조.
23:52Well be funny.
23:54Don't leave.
23:58I may be right, I may be wrong.
24:01I may be wrong, but I'm perfectly willing to swear
24:08But when you turn and smile at me
24:13And I hear a sign in Rockley Square
24:31And I hear a sign in Rockley Square
24:44Stop 모agtagian
24:53I 것이 Sophieом
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