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Rick and Morty - Season 8 - Episode 01: Summer of All Fears
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TVTranscript
00:05A huge turnout today at the offices of billionaire leader and tech visionary
00:09Summer Smith as she attempts to make Chargeria history and this just in phone
00:14chargers are very important so never never steal them we're ready to launch
00:20the device do we have eyes on my brother no ma'am then we're not ready
00:30come on Morty
00:50I'm alone I was too that's how I like it
00:58come if you want to eat
01:11saw you on the news guess it's been a while since you've had a normal meal by normal you mean
01:16the
01:16spoon is dirty CJ's recipe back at the firehouse I didn't put my life's work on hold to sit here
01:23talking to you about chili he always said the secret ingredient is patience
01:29Morty it is time to go it's almost 9 p.m. back in the real world and our exit will
01:33only work
01:33if mom's in the kitchen pouring her bedtime wine there's nothing for me back there go without me
01:38that's not how it works Morty and I'm sorry but I refuse to turn 40 in here
01:44what choice do I have we always had choices take some ownership
01:52we're ready start the launch God have mercy on our souls
01:57five four three two one launch
02:10it's charging charging in the air
02:13dear God Summer Smith has made phone chargers obsolete
02:20it's working
02:21a contactless electrical grid
02:24that means no chargers you old bitch
02:26I win the matrix is obsolete
02:33what the hell
02:35oh shit how long was I out
02:37mom mom mommy get away from me Rick
02:40mom
02:41Rick put us in a simulated reality to teach us a lesson about taking his phone charger and not giving
02:45him back
02:45and then he fell asleep and forgot about us for the matrix equivalent of 17 years
02:49I'm an emancipated adult I demand sovereignty over my mind and future don't let him reset us
02:55this is why I have bedtime wine
03:02my hands
03:03a child's hands
03:05you built a matrix to punish them for a phone charger
03:08I'm not that petty Beth
03:09it can punish them for anything
03:10put that mind blower gun down
03:12okay
03:13obviously grandpa cooked you guys a little too long
03:16long enough to go to law school and revolutionize engineering
03:18summer that whole system is basically 8-bit
03:20a child with a crayon could revolutionize engineering
03:23don't let him wipe me mom
03:24I fell in love
03:25ran a country
03:26visited chargentina and the phonopines
03:28I can't lose those memories
03:29um
03:30I want to remember it too
03:32dad
03:33I think the kids should be allowed to do whatever they want with what you did to their brains
03:36want a couple of matrix crazy adults and child bodies
03:39good luck with that
03:40yes I beat you Rick
03:41you mess with the bull you get the 34 year old horns
03:44I'm gonna crush it in high school
03:46give me a holler when this goes south
03:49there's literally no limit to what I can achieve
03:52student body president valedictorian
03:54or maybe just live this one day sweet and pleading
03:58maybe just hold on to 17
04:02cold much?
04:04you're nipping out
04:04oh come on
04:06we don't have to do these teenage girl stereotypes
04:08your body violates our code of conduct
04:10missy
04:10go home and change
04:11your wiles won't get you anywhere with me
04:14oh my god she's hot for principal vagina
04:16she's nipping even harder
04:17eat my ass you shallow bitches
04:20every time I think our friendship can't get any stronger
04:23I know you're truly my sister
04:31aww
04:31school's not what you remember huh
04:33I'm just embarrassed I let them get to me
04:35those girls probably still believe people like them for their personality and that recycling is real
04:39hey do you have a bobby pin?
04:41yeah here
04:42at least they're too dumb to do real damage
04:43it's like blunt force trauma as opposed to a hot curling iron going slowly up your asshole
04:48wow
04:48which is how I describe my first marriage
04:52you got married in there?
04:54the best part was I supported him while he worked on his music
04:57it's been there
04:58it's like I can either be the primary earner or your mommy
05:01I can be both
05:06a third mimosa?
05:08on a Wednesday afternoon
05:10who are we?
05:12who are we?
05:12oh my god I'm totally turning into my mother
05:15goals
05:16I love this version of you
05:19you're so self-assured
05:21I wish I had more of that
05:23aww Beth
05:24can I call you Beth?
05:25absolutely
05:26and
05:27I'll call you
05:28Summer
05:29oh right of course
05:30you were able to achieve so much in there
05:33hashtag girl boss
05:34ugh
05:34I hate when grown women call themselves girls
05:37oh same me too
05:38that was ironic
05:39speaking of grown women
05:40maybe it's time for a little upgrade
05:42oh come on
05:43look at who you've become
05:44you don't need some cliche makeover
05:46I meant for both of us
05:48do you just buy your shirts from Target
05:50or do you also work there?
05:52aww Beth
05:53I was joking
05:54part of my management style
05:56but isn't comedy just the revelation of an unacknowledged truth?
06:00think about it
06:01let's get out of here girl
06:02you need a blowout
06:05what the hell are you doing Morty?
06:06get your hands off my death race car
06:08the struts were a little off
06:09the struts were a little
06:10wow
06:11wow okay
06:12the struts were a little off
06:13picked up a few skills
06:14when I was inside
06:15the matrix?
06:16matrix prison
06:17oh
06:18badass
06:19this is that death race on Vega 5 right?
06:21space and land?
06:22yeah actually
06:23toss me a beer
06:24think we should add a snorkel intake to the engine block
06:26damn Morty
06:27maybe I should leave you in a matrix more often
06:32Morty what are you doing?
06:33I'm getting Rick's attention
06:34freeze
06:35fuck you
06:36none of this is Rick
06:37Morty run
06:37hey
06:38thieves
06:38never take what's not yours
06:40especially if it's a phone charger
06:42Rick
06:43we're sorry we stole your phone charger
06:45we learned our lesson
06:46now let us out
06:47if that was gonna work
06:48we would've been ejected by now
06:50you have the right to remain
06:51plugged in
06:52any charger you still can
06:54and will be used against you
06:55summer
06:56help
06:56sorry Morty
06:57but one of us has to find a way out of here
06:59summer
07:07arghh
07:08yaah
07:26ahhhhuiahoooh
07:36su Bad
07:56C-CJ?
07:58If you're remembering a bunch of stuff, you have to say it out loud.
08:01I-I just miss them.
08:04Ugh. You know what, pal? I think that engine storkle's a good idea. Bottoms up.
08:10Wow, you can really pull that look off. I could never go short.
08:15It's called disruption. If you don't take risks, you don't grow.
08:18Uh, for me, this is pretty bold.
08:21I guess everyone has to start somewhere.
08:25What do you think of this?
08:27I think there was a reason it was on the clearance rack.
08:29I thought you wanted to feel more confident.
08:32Now this says confidence.
08:34It also says $3,000.
08:37Who's going to invest in you if you won't invest in yourself?
08:39My job is to invest in your college fund, Summer.
08:42First of all, I already graduated charger cum laude with a major in chargers and a minor in...
08:46Let me guess.
08:47...English lit.
08:48Beth, I can't make you 17 again, but I can give this gift of knowledge.
08:52Life is slipping away.
08:54It's time to make some big changes or get comfortable with some big regrets.
08:58So, are you going to buy me this suit or what?
09:01And steel plates.
09:03Good stuff.
09:04Oh, look at that, Rick.
09:05They got a sale on rebar.
09:06Oh, hell yeah.
09:07Buy two rebar, get one free bar?
09:09Matrix Morty's got an eye for a deal.
09:13I gotta hand it to you.
09:15This feels pretty good.
09:16Good old American craftsmanship, Morty.
09:18Feels good to use your hands.
09:21Oh, she's purring like an oily little kitten.
09:26Wow, you guys are really spreading out onto the lawn, huh?
09:30Ugh, suburbia.
09:32Dad, can I talk to you?
09:35Listen, if this is about the beers, Morty's cool.
09:38He has like four purple hearts.
09:39Five!
09:40Those and a nickel will get you a cup of coffee.
09:42Oh, disillusioned Morty.
09:43Love this guy.
09:45Listen, Beth, if you want to judge someone, call Jerry.
09:48I can't.
09:48My phone's dead.
09:49I had to film turns of every outfit Summer tried on.
09:52You need a charger? Use mine.
09:54Oh, okay. You sure?
09:56Oh, yeah.
09:59You're going to give that back, right?
10:01Because I can't impress upon you.
10:03Oh.
10:15Oh, God.
10:16Oh, my God.
10:17April.
10:18Oh, no.
10:20No.
10:21CJ.
10:21Chop block.
10:22Marmaduke.
10:30People.
10:31He didn't make it.
10:33What?
10:33We saw you die, man.
10:36I can't.
10:37I can't die.
10:40I got you, buddy.
10:42I got you.
10:42I can't.
10:43I can't die.
11:06Just take whatever you want.
11:07Nothing out here fucking matters.
11:09Wonder who he learned that from.
11:10Probably someone too tamed by neoliberal groupthink to buy a cool jacket.
11:15Dad, I think maybe you were right on this one.
11:18Beth, that's not how it works.
11:19You got to press it up against their head.
11:20You just tried to mind blow me?
11:23Summer!
11:23Get back here!
11:25This is for your own good!
11:27No, it's for your own good.
11:29I thought you were my friend, bitch.
11:31My friends don't talk to me like that.
11:33Because you don't have any.
11:35Hey!
11:36All I want is to live my best life.
11:39You're too scared to even try.
11:41Did you just hotwire that car?
11:44Yes.
11:45Summer!
11:45Boomer, Boomer!
11:49Damn, that got out of hand fast.
11:51Well, I told her it would.
11:52Smart man.
11:53Here, check this out.
11:54Me and CJ came up with it during the Siege of the Three Prong Mountains.
11:58We were holed up with nothing but these old Nokia 3.5s.
12:01Had to use a little something we called the reg rock.
12:03Try her out.
12:03Charger spelled backwards.
12:05Cute.
12:06What's it do?
12:09Pulls the charge right out of man's heart.
12:12Thanks for the ride, Rick.
12:15Also, I didn't know Summer was going to hijack a vehicle, too.
12:18I've been planning this a lot longer than her.
12:21Anyway.
12:28Cool tank!
12:33Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!
12:35Something to matter, sir?
12:36You wouldn't be putting people in Matrixes, would you?
12:39What?
12:39Because that's something you should never do.
12:42Ah!
12:43Seriously, Morty?
12:44You're that uncreative?
12:45Who's Morty?
12:46Is that someone you put in a Matrix?
12:48Yes!
12:49Ow!
12:50Oh!
12:51The seemingly unstoppable and pretty cool-looking vehicle is now heading towards a power plant
12:55at the center of Power Plant Valley, the well-known nexus of America's power grid.
13:01Why create this unstoppable death machine?
13:03Its driver, 14-year-old Morty Smith, has this to say.
13:07Come into a wolf's house and piss in its bed!
13:09You're gonna get bit!
13:10That's just the nature of the wolf!
13:12That's just the nature of the wolf!
13:18How's the neti pot coming, Summer?
13:20So good.
13:20I feel grounded, free of toxins.
13:26Go away.
13:27I need my space.
13:28I can't believe how fast you got established in Santa Fe.
13:31The wellness industry picked me up at the city limits.
13:34They place all lost, middle-aged women in a residential pottery studio with meditation elements.
13:39I'm looking to be in connection with the mountains!
13:41Get the cacao.
13:42And the harmonium.
13:43Honey, you shouldn't have to be a lost, middle-aged woman yet.
13:47Take it from me, it sucks.
13:48And the joy of being 17 is not knowing anything, including how hard it's gonna get.
13:54Yeah, I guess I'm sorry for what I said.
13:57I just don't know how to be your friend.
13:59You don't have to be.
14:00You're my daughter.
14:04Wow, I hate that I'm saying this, but the energy here feels amazing.
14:08That's called community.
14:09And if we had more of it in this world and less factory-farmed beef,
14:13our little boys wouldn't be driving tanks into nuclear power plants!
14:16That sounds too specific to be a metaphor.
14:19What are you doing? There's no power in the world!
14:21What are you charged in?
14:22See? Beef brain.
14:23Oh, God. I have to stop him.
14:25You know how?
14:26I'm a tech CEO, so even if I don't, I'll pretend I do.
14:30Mom, hold my calls.
14:33Mom.
14:34Hmm. I like the sound of that.
14:36I'll just need a credit card.
14:38Please, sir, not in the Matrix.
14:40You shouldn't put people in Matrixes.
14:43Uh-huh.
14:51What the f...
14:53Oh.
14:59Matrix, my ass!
15:01Wubba-lobba-dum-dum!
15:15This better be Death Race-related.
15:25Ah!
15:27Ah!
15:34CJ!
15:35CJ!
15:40CJ!
15:45CJ!
15:47CJ!
15:47CJ!
15:47CJ!
15:48CJ!
15:48Oh!
15:48She's beautiful, isn't she?
15:51CJ!
15:53CJ!
15:54CJ!
15:55CJ!
16:02CJ!
16:07CJ!
16:10CJ!
16:11CJ!
16:12CJ!
16:15CJ!
16:17CJ!
16:18CJ!
16:21We got him. Osama been charging is dead.
16:24Full hearts, full charge.
16:26Full hearts, full charge.
16:29He's coming down!
16:32Sweet Christ! Powerplane Valley is breached!
16:35I repeat, breached!
16:39He's getting too close!
16:40If he reaches the central powerplane,
16:42it'll trigger a chain reaction that brings North America uninhabitable,
16:45but also takes out all cell phones!
16:48We're not, guard number two. The moat was installed for this exact scenario.
16:52Is that a tank on Earth that can cross that water?
16:56Oh, shit, he's got a sword!
16:58Go! Run!
17:08Powerplane!
17:10None of this will bring CJ back!
17:13Keep his name out of your moat!
17:15Whose name? Christopher James Motorroller!
17:18Charge it!
17:19First class!
17:26What do you know about CJ?
17:28This is all my fault, Morty.
17:29You were the only real thing in there,
17:31but I didn't treat you like you mattered.
17:32You couldn't have known what would happen in that war.
17:34But I did know, Morty.
17:36I did know.
17:38Once I understood the rules of the Matrix,
17:40taking power was easy.
17:42But making power wasn't.
17:44There was only one way to make the charging science work.
17:47All the lithium we could get our hands on.
17:50We got it!
17:52We could fix it, right?
17:53We could fix it!
17:54No one can know about this.
17:59It was a brutal war, but I knew we'd win it.
18:02Because we had you.
18:04An ex-con with no future,
18:06no family,
18:07no way to die.
18:08Morty,
18:09I never had a brother.
18:11To you?
18:13You could have had a different life.
18:14I could have given it to you.
18:18We got him.
18:19Osama been charging is dead.
18:21Thank you, soldier.
18:23Full heart, full charge.
18:24We're lithium rich!
18:26You were my greatest asset,
18:27and my darkest shame.
18:30I also had your phones bugged,
18:31a tracking chip put in your spine,
18:32and all those birds you like to feed
18:34were spy cameras built by the government.
18:35My finches?
18:36I know you lost a brother in there.
18:38Don't make me lose you.
18:39It's like the pain is all I have left of him,
18:42but he's gone.
18:43He never existed in the first place.
18:45Don't say that.
18:46Without you and your friends,
18:48we never would have escaped the Matrix.
18:49Rick, he would have woken up and let us out.
18:52On whose terms?
18:52He would have wiped us clean
18:54before our eyes were open,
18:55and then they'd really be gone.
18:56All of them.
18:57CJ,
18:58Chop Block,
19:00Marmot Duke,
19:01um...
19:01Eight ball!
19:02Jesus!
19:03I...
19:03I...
19:04I'm sorry, Morty.
19:06You get to decide now.
19:07What do you want to do?
19:09I want to go home.
19:11Yeah.
19:12Let's go home.
19:15It's okay.
19:16I'm...
19:17I'm all right now.
19:18It's not you we were worried about.
19:20Yeah,
19:20this is exactly why you shouldn't steal your grandpa's inventions.
19:25What?
19:25He said never steal your grandpa's inventions.
19:30No.
19:31Fucker.
19:31Matrix piece of shit.
19:32Lots of teaching back.
19:34Oh,
19:36go on.
19:36Easy, guys.
19:37Christ,
19:37you're not in a Matrix.
19:38You're not in a Matrix.
19:40Rick,
19:40what the fuck?
19:40This NPC was trying to teach us a lesson.
19:43I was just saying not to steal such dangerous technology.
19:46Your grandpa's obviously a genius.
19:49See?
19:49That's an actual guy,
19:50making several obvious and valid statements.
19:53Beer leader?
19:53I think my nose is broken.
19:59Oh,
20:00God!
20:01Chernobyl!
20:02We're Chernobyl-ing!
20:04Help!
20:05Help!
20:07Rick,
20:08are you gonna...
20:08Yes!
20:11Ew!
20:12What the hell?
20:13That's anti-radiation gel.
20:14Your tits and bits will thank me later.
20:15Ew!
20:16What the hell?
20:25So,
20:26nuclear reactor,
20:27huh?
20:28I had PTSD!
20:29Thank you for your service.
20:31Oh!
20:31Oh, my God!
20:32You saved us from the...
20:33The worst meltdown in American history?
20:35Yeah.
20:35I'm gonna leave this with you.
20:37Sign here.
20:37Tip?
20:38Uh,
20:39I don't see an option lower than 20%.
20:41There isn't one.
20:46Oof!
20:47Ah!
20:48Mike,
20:48wanna keep that gel on for a little while.
20:50All right.
20:50Is there anything else we need to do?
20:54Ow!
20:55Ow!
20:55Ow!
20:55Ow!
20:56Ow!
20:57Ow!
20:57Ow!
20:57Ow!
20:57I'm gonna remember him,
20:59but I'm gonna miss you.
21:00You won't have to.
21:01I have a feeling things are gonna be different now.
21:04Ready to be kids again?
21:05More than you know.
21:06Y-yeah.
21:08Oh!
21:11Oh!
21:12Oh!
21:12Oh!
21:13What'd you do to us?
21:14What the fuck is on my arm, Rick?
21:15Beats me.
21:16You asked for it.
21:17What?
21:17Why?
21:18Whatever.
21:18I'm meeting friends to throw shopping carts into the quarry.
21:20Oh, jeez.
21:21Oh, no, Ricky.
21:22You gotta get this off of me.
21:23It makes me uncomfortable.
21:24You can do, pal.
21:26Made a promise to an old friend.
21:36What the hell?
21:37Hi, Summer.
21:38You probably won't remember making this,
21:40but I just wanted to say,
21:41I love you,
21:43and you should love yourself.
21:45The first thing your peers will try to take from you
21:47is your adult empathy.
21:49It's your greatest gift,
21:50and the worst thing that they can do.
21:50Ugh, send a text.
21:54Yo, Trisha!
21:55What are we having tonight, bitch?
21:59What are we having tonight, bitch?
22:33Can I help you?
22:35Beth, it's time to come clean.
22:38We lost women feast on the young to stay middle-aged.
22:42So you're vampires?
22:44Why not feed till you're young?
22:46Because not everyone has your fucked up values, Beth.
22:49And it's unfortunately drink.
22:51Or be drunk!
22:53Oh, come on!
22:54I thought that was wine mom talk.
23:05The sun turns you to dust,
23:06and you picked Santa Fe?
23:08That's on you.
23:09Santa Fe!
23:11Did you get any of that?
23:12Santa Fe!
23:13Yeah,
23:13that's all.
23:13There's our way in.
23:14Daddy.
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