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مسلسل Good Omens مترجم - Episode 2
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00:06You
00:47Can I help you?
00:49I would like to purchase one of your material objects.
00:52Books.
00:53Books.
00:54Let us discuss my purchase in a private place
00:58because I am buying, uh...
01:01Pornography?
01:03Pornography.
01:04Gabriel, come into my back room.
01:08We humans are extremely easily embarrassed.
01:11We must buy our pornography secretively.
01:16Human beings are so simple
01:19and so easily fooled.
01:21Yes.
01:22Good job.
01:23You fooled them all.
01:24You remember Sandalfin.
01:27Sodom and Gomorrah.
01:29You were doing a lot of smiting
01:30and turning people into salt.
01:33Hard to forget.
01:35Something smells evil.
01:41Oh, that'll be the Geoffrey Archer books, I'm afraid.
01:44Well, we just wanted to stop by
01:45and check on the status of the Antichrist.
01:48Why?
01:49What's wrong?
01:49I mean, if there is something wrong,
01:52I could put my people onto it.
01:54Nothing's wrong.
01:54Everything's going perfectly.
01:55There's a lot happening.
01:56All good.
01:58All good?
02:00Well, all going according to the divine plan.
02:03The Helhound has been set loose
02:05and now the four horsemen of the apocalypse
02:07are being summoned.
02:08Death, pollution, famine, war.
02:11Oh, right.
02:12Who exactly summons them?
02:14Not my department.
02:16I believe we outsource that sort of thing.
02:18About time, that's what I say.
02:20You can't have a war without war.
02:25Sandalfund, that is very good.
02:28You can't have a war without war?
02:31I might use that.
02:33Huh?
02:34Anyway.
02:36No problems?
02:37How was the Helhound?
02:38I didn't stick around to see.
02:40Thank you for my pornography!
02:44Excellent job.
02:46You can't have a war without war?
02:49Clever.
03:03Welcome back.
03:04Now the government's foreign affairs spokesman
03:06will be here to comment on the recent increase
03:08in international tensions.
03:10But first, do you know what's in your fridge?
03:13Morning, Crowley.
03:15Just checking in.
03:16Nice chair.
03:17Hey, guys.
03:18It's about the Antichrist.
03:20Yeah, great kid.
03:22Takes off for his dad.
03:23Our operatives in the State Department
03:25have arranged for the child's family
03:26to be flown to the Middle East.
03:28There he and a Helhound
03:29will be taken to the Valley of Megadote.
03:31The four horsemen will begin their final ride.
03:35Armageddon will begin.
03:36The final combat.
03:38It's what we've been working towards
03:40since we rebelled.
03:41We are the Fallen.
03:44Never forget that.
03:46Well, it's not the sort of thing you forget.
03:47I don't trust you, Crowley.
03:50Everything's going just fine.
03:54I mean to fall.
03:56I just hung around the wrong people.
04:01Somebody has to summon
04:02the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
04:05But they outsource that sort of thing these days.
04:09Meet the summoner.
04:10He has four items to deliver in his van.
04:13He works for the International Express Company.
04:16And he's about to make his first delivery
04:18in a former war zone.
04:22Sometimes, despite everything,
04:25peace breaks out.
04:26People get tired of fighting and pain and death
04:29and are willing to start all over again.
04:32Excuse me.
04:33Who are you?
04:35Carmine Zinjibur, National World Weekly,
04:37war correspondent.
04:39Well, this is good, my friend.
04:42It is good that a member of the wordpress
04:43is here to see us sign the peace accord.
04:49Right, well, if you'd like to sign this first,
04:53Your Highness, and then the Prime Minister,
04:55then the Supreme Leader,
04:56and then we'll get a photograph
04:57of all three of you together.
04:58Wait, he signs first?
05:00It is just the formality who signs first.
05:03A formality.
05:04You make me a laughingstock in my country
05:05and you tore out the formality.
05:08Somebody has to sign the peace agreement first.
05:11They do, and it's me.
05:20Oh, don't mind me, ladies and gents.
05:23Oh, what a day, eh?
05:24Nearly didn't find a place.
05:26Someone doesn't believe in signposts, eh?
05:34Package for you, miss.
05:36You, uh, have to sign for it.
05:41Oh, it's a lovely place you got here.
05:43Yeah, I always wanted to come here on my holidays.
05:53Finally.
05:54Put it down!
05:57Oh, you sweet thing.
05:59That's not gonna happen, is it?
06:03Sorry, folks.
06:05I'd love to stay and get to know you all better.
06:08But duty calls.
06:20She's the first of four,
06:22and you can't have a war without her.
06:24She's been killing time for so long now.
06:28Time, and sometimes people.
06:30And now 60 centuries of waiting are about to end.
06:36Yeah.
06:528マers.
06:53Yeah!
06:55Yeah!
06:58Yeah!
06:59Yeah!
07:00Yeah!
07:01Yeah!
07:02Yeah.
08:04This is also the story of a witch, a witch finder, and a book.
08:08And the Vax story starts about 360 years ago with the last witch burning in England.
08:14Witch finder made your pulsifer. All is prepared.
08:17Where is the hag?
08:19In her cottage. She suspects nothing.
08:22I thought you tested her with a pin.
08:24We did. Regulation issue. Witch finder's pin. Pricked her all over.
08:27And what was the result?
08:29She said it cured her arthritis.
08:33Of what else is she accused?
08:35Predicting the future, mostly.
08:37She told Mistress Bullcock that adultery would be coming to town.
08:41Such nonsense.
08:43That's you, isn't it?
08:44It is not me.
08:47My given name, witch finder Private Mags, is thou shalt not commit adultery.
08:52But you can call me witch finder Major Pulsifer.
08:58Sir, they don't call you adultery-pulsifer?
09:01They do not.
09:03Good milkman.
09:05Bring no more milk, not this day or ever.
09:08For today, I am to die in flames.
09:11Yours, Agnes Nutter.
09:17Yes, my best wishes to your wife.
09:25They're late.
09:28She runs, I have heard tell, with no one pursuing her.
09:32Aye.
09:33She says running each morning in an unladylike manner around the village does improve her health.
09:39Monstrous.
09:39Perhaps invisible demons pursue the witch as she runs.
09:43No.
09:44She said it's good for you.
09:46She said we should get more fibre in our diet.
09:49I told her.
09:50I said it's hard enough picking out the gravel.
09:53Aye.
09:54She is obviously mad.
09:55But how can we be certain she is a witch?
09:58She cured me of the howling tops.
10:01And cured my son of the bloody flocks.
10:04Obviously a witch.
10:05Witch.
10:07Witch.
10:08Witch.
10:09Witch.
10:11Witch.
10:18Adultery, Pulsiver.
10:20Good people.
10:22Now, tardy.
10:23I should have been aflame ten minutes since.
10:26Right.
10:29Mistress Nutter.
10:31Aye.
10:32Oi.
10:33Oi.
10:55This is most irregular, Mistress Nutter.
10:59Yeah.
11:03Gather thee right close, good people.
11:06Come close until the fire near scorch ye.
11:11For I charge ye that all must see how the last true witch in England dies.
11:16And let my death be a message to the world.
11:20Come.
11:21Come.
11:22Gather thee close, I say.
11:23I mark well the fate of those who meddle with such as they do not understand.
11:38Ogre.
11:49Among the folk from the next village, there was much subsequent debate as to whether this
11:54disaster had been sent by God or by Satan.
11:58However, a note found in Agnes' cottage suggested that any divine or devilish intervention had
12:05been materially helped by Agnes' petticoats, in which she had concealed 50 pounds of gunpowder
12:11and 30 pounds of roofing nails.
12:14Oh.
12:15Ogre.
12:16Agnes also left behind a box and a book.
12:20They were to be given to her daughter and her son-in-law, John and Virtue Device.
12:27Dear Mistress Nutter, we take great pleasure in enclosing your author's copy of your book.
12:32We trust it will sell in huge numbers, yea, and be reprinted even unto a second printing.
12:38Yours, Bilton and Skaggs Publishers.
12:41The nice and accurate prophecies of Agnes Nutter.
12:45Reminiscent of Nostradamus at his best, Ursula Shipton.
12:51What does this mean, John?
12:53It means, Virtue, that even though Agnes is dead, we must study her book, for your mother
12:59knew the future.
13:07Prophecy, 2,214.
13:11In December 1980, an apple will arise no man can eat.
13:18Invest thy money in Master Job's machine, and good fortune will tend thy days.
13:24I mean, this is balderdash.
13:32The book Agnes left behind her was the sole prophetic work in all of human history to consist
13:38entirely of completely correct predictions concerning the following 350-odd years, being
13:46a precise and accurate description of the events that would culminate in Armageddon.
13:52It was on the money in every single detail.
13:56On the night the Antichrist was born, in a house in Malibu, Agnes Nutter's great-great-great-great-great-granddaughter
14:04was drawing on the title page.
14:06And metaphorically, the book had just begun to tick.
14:13Okay, Anathema.
14:14Prophecy, 2,214.
14:17In December 1980, an apple will arise that no man can eat.
14:22That one's stupid, Mom.
14:24It doesn't mean anything.
14:26My mom bought 5,000 shares in apple in 1980.
14:31That's worth 40 million today.
14:33Okay.
14:34Okay.
14:3622,30.
14:38Four shall ride and three shall ride the sky as two, and one shall ride in flames, and there
14:45shall be no stopping you, not fish, nor rain, neither devil or angel, and ye shall be there
14:53also, Anathema.
14:55You see, she's got special plans for you, mi amor.
14:59Agnes gave us the easy job.
15:02We just had to make sure everything was good for the family.
15:05You're the one that's going to have to save the world.
15:14Meanwhile, in Dorkin Surrey, thou shalt not commit adultery pulse of her great-great-great-great-great-grandson
15:20should have been in bed hours ago.
15:23Newton?
15:24What's after your bedtime, dear?
15:26Just a few more minutes, Mom.
15:28I'm putting the old computer back together.
15:29You young scientists and your experiments.
15:32It's not really an experiment, Mom.
15:34I just changed the plug.
15:35It'll work now.
15:41I do hope the man from the electric isn't going to be upset again.
15:44It's not fair.
15:45Well, don't worry, love.
15:47It's not as if it's the end of the world.
15:50I just wanted to say, well, good luck on the new job.
15:53I hope it works out this time.
15:55I'm sure it'll be fine, Mom.
15:56You've just been unlucky.
15:57I made you sandwiches.
16:07And you are?
16:10Pulsifer.
16:10Wages, Clark.
16:12I'm new.
16:15Excuse me.
16:16I was just wondering, is there a way that I could do this without...
16:19putting it in the computer?
16:21Is there a way of accessing the wages database without using a computer?
16:26Well, maybe someone could print it out for me and then I could do the sums on paper.
16:35Yeah.
16:37Who's excited by the training initiative?
16:40Let's see some hands.
16:41Yeah?
16:42Just so that you know, Norman, I've registered a complaint with HR about this whole training initiative nonsense.
16:48It's a team-building exercise, Janice.
16:51And, um, just so as you know, there's no I in team.
16:55But there's two I's in building, Nigel.
16:58And an I in exercise.
17:00Yeah. All right.
17:01So can I have everybody's attention, please?
17:04Sorry, I've just got to hit return and I'll be with you.
17:13Sorry. Just not very good with computers.
17:21Need a hand, Dick?
17:22My name's not actually Dick. It's the car's name.
17:26You can ask me why, if you like.
17:39Hello.
17:43Athenema device?
17:44Anathema device. It's an old family name.
17:47Purpose of your visit to the United Kingdom?
17:49Oh, I'm commanded by an ancient family prophecy.
17:52I'm going to use all the wisdom and witchcraft at my disposal
17:55to hunt down the heart of darkness
17:56and then do all that I can to destroy before it brings about the end of the world.
18:00I'm sorry?
18:02Vacation.
18:06The new job?
18:08Yeah, it's going really well.
18:11They're great.
18:13They love it.
18:13I'm like your nose is in the air.
18:16There's only one thing we have to fear, you sissies.
18:18And it's not global warming.
18:20And it's not nuclear Armageddon.
18:23Can anyone here tell me what it is?
18:26You don't answer.
18:27You don't answer because you know it's true.
18:30They are hidden in our midst.
18:31And the thin red line that stands between humanity and the darkness.
18:36Hey, I'm talking about witches.
18:39Aye, witches.
18:41They lurk behind the facade of righteousness.
18:44And there's nobody could stop them.
18:46But me.
18:49In the old days, witch finders were respected.
18:53Matthew Hopkins, witch finder general.
18:55He used to charge each town and village ninepence for every witch he found.
19:00And they paid.
19:02Are you witch finder general?
19:05Oh, I am not.
19:06There is no longer a witch finder general.
19:09Nor is there a witch finder colonel, a witch finder major,
19:12nor even a witch finder captain.
19:13There is, however, a witch finder sergeant.
19:17And you're looking at him.
19:19Well, pleased to meet you, Mr. Shadwell.
19:22I'm a cup of tea, nine sugars, and a packet of cheese and onion crisps.
19:27Coming right up.
19:28Get your wallet out, laddie.
19:31Bit of a dice.
19:32You never want to appear tight festive on first acquaintance.
19:38And it's not Mr. Shadwell.
19:40It's Sergeant.
19:41Witch finder Sergeant Shadwell.
19:44What's your name, lad?
19:45Newton.
19:46Newton Pulsifer.
19:48Pulsifer?
19:49That's a familiar name, now you mention it.
19:53You have your own teeth?
19:55Uh, yes.
19:58How many nipples have you got?
20:00What?
20:01Nipples, laddie. How many?
20:03Um, just the usual two.
20:05Okay.
20:07Be here at 11 o'clock tomorrow.
20:10Bring scissors.
20:11Um, wait up.
20:12Wait her?
20:16Uh, eh.
20:34yeah, let me see. I'm
20:42Just put it there.
20:43Thanks so much.
20:45What a gorgeous village, huh?
21:12Right.
21:15To work.
21:19Easy job.
21:21Deliver the Antichrist, keep an eye on him.
21:24Nice straightforward job, eh?
21:27Not the kind of thing any demon is gonna screw up, right?
21:30The only things in the flat Crowley devotes any personal attention to are the houseplants.
21:35He had heard about talking to plants in the early 70s and thought it an excellent idea.
21:42Although, talking is perhaps the wrong word for what Crowley does.
21:46Is that a spot?
21:50Is it?
21:53Right, you know what I've told you all about leaf spots.
21:58I will not stand for them!
22:07You know what you've done.
22:09You've disappointed me.
22:14Oh dear, oh dear.
22:16Everyone!
22:18Say goodbye to your friend.
22:20You just couldn't cut it.
22:23This is gonna hurt you so much more than it will hurt me.
22:28You guys grow better!
22:32What he does is put the fear of God into them.
22:36More precisely, the fear of Crowley.
22:38The plants are the most luxurious, verdant and beautiful in London.
22:43Also, the most terrified.
23:07Nice and accurate prophecies of Agnes Nutter.
23:09I'm so sorry, I can't help you.
23:11Well, of course I know who she was.
23:14Born 1600, exploded 1656.
23:17But there are no copies of her book available.
23:21No, I can't name my price.
23:23I don't have it.
23:24Nobody ha-
23:28Well, there really is no need for that kind of language.
23:37Well, there really is no need for that kind of language.
23:48Um, hello.
23:50I'm here about the advert in the paper.
23:53Well, Madam Tracey draws aside the veil every afternoon except Thursdays.
23:58I think there must be another advert.
24:01Oh, right.
24:04Come in, dear.
24:05You're lucky.
24:06One of my regulars had to cancel.
24:09Now, I don't do anything kinky except my prior arrangement.
24:14And my knees aren't what they were.
24:18Also, if it's strict discipline you'll be wanting, you better tell me now.
24:22Because it can take me half an hour to squeeze into the leather pinny.
24:26I'm sorry?
24:28Are you not here for intimate personal relaxation and stress relief for the discerning gentleman?
24:36No.
24:37I'm here to join the Witchfinder Army.
24:39Oh.
24:41Mr. Shadwell said he was expecting a visitor.
24:48It's just been him for so long.
24:53Aye.
24:55It's your new recruit, Mr. Shadwell. Look.
24:58Away with you, harlot.
24:59Scarlet woman.
25:00Jezebel.
25:01Oh, Mr. Shadwell.
25:04I'll bring you both tea.
25:07No good sugar, dear.
25:08He's in the army now, Jezebel.
25:10He'll make his own tea.
25:11Hey!
25:19Welcome to the Witchfinder Army, new recruit.
25:22You are, as of now, Witchfinder Private Pulsifer.
25:26We used to be powerful.
25:28We used to be important.
25:30A condensed milkman.
25:32And I take...
25:33Nine sugars?
25:34Exactly.
25:36We were the line of fire between the darkness and the poor unsuspecting folk
25:41who don't believe in witches.
25:43But, er...
25:44Sergeant Shadwell,
25:45don't the churches do that these days?
25:48Nay, laddie.
25:50Against the darkness?
25:51It's a war.
25:53And you know what our first weapon is?
25:58The thunder gun of Witchfinder, Colonel.
26:00Get them before they get you, Dalrymple.
26:02Nay, laddie.
26:04They'll never use again.
26:05Not in this degenerate age.
26:09Very good.
26:11And you know what we do with them.
26:16No, lad.
26:21We read.
26:23And we cut.
26:29Hey, this is Anthony Crowley. You know what to do. Do it with style.
26:35No leads yet, my end. Anything at your end?
26:39Listen, I have sort of an idea.
26:41What?
26:42Ah, hello.
26:43Um, when you did the baby swap 11 years ago, could something have gone wrong?
26:47What?
26:55You've lost the boy.
26:56We've lost.
26:57A child has been lost.
26:59But you still know his age.
27:02His birthday.
27:02He's 11.
27:03You make it sound easy.
27:04It can't be that hard.
27:06I just hope nothing's happened to him.
27:08Nothing's happened to him.
27:09He happens to everything.
27:11So, we only have to find his birth records.
27:15Go through the hospital files.
27:18And then what?
27:19And then we find the child.
27:20And then what?
27:22Watch out for that!
27:24She's on the street. She knows the risks she's taking.
27:27Watch the road.
27:30Where is this hospital, anyway?
27:33Village near Oxford, Tadfield.
27:35Probably you can't do 90 miles per hour in central London.
27:38Why not?
27:39You'll get us killed.
27:40Well, inconveniently discorporated.
27:43Music. Why don't I put on a little music?
27:49What's a velvet underground?
27:51You wouldn't like it.
27:52Oh, bebop.
27:55Yeah!
28:01Still can't believe your dad let you keep him, Adam.
28:05Actually, when I found a cat,
28:07we had to put up a notice saying we found a lost cat.
28:10And then we had to give her back.
28:12It's my birthday, and he wasn't wearing a collar.
28:14And we are, so nobody's reported a missing dog.
28:17Our dog doesn't like me.
28:18He pretends I'm not there.
28:20Did you know that my cousin Charlotte says that in America,
28:23they have shops that sell 39 different flavors of ice cream?
28:29Wensleydale's first name is Jeremy.
28:31But nobody's ever used it.
28:33Not even his parents, who call him Youngster.
28:36All that stands between Wensleydale and Chartered Accountancy is time.
28:41There aren't 39 different flavors of ice cream.
28:44There aren't 39 flavors of ice cream in the whole world.
28:50Pepper's given first names were Pippin Galadriel Moonchild.
28:54She had been given them in a naming ceremony in a muddy valley field
28:58that contained several sheep and a number of leaky polythene tents.
29:02Six months later, sick of the rain, the men, the sheep,
29:06who ate first their marijuana crop and then their tents,
29:09who ate once.
29:10Pepper's mother returned to Tadfield and enrolled in a sociology course.
29:15It could be, if you mix them up.
29:18You know, strawberry and chocolate.
29:21Every gang needs a Brian.
29:23Always grimy, always supportive of anything Adam invents or needs.
29:27Vanilla and chocolate. Chocolate and vanilla.
29:31Strawberry and vanilla and chocolate.
29:34Anyway, nobody's gonna take Dog away from me.
29:36We're together to the end, aren't we, boy?
29:42I have meat in Tongue of Dog.
29:45North by north, west, there.
29:50And it's south-west.
29:58We must be here somewhere.
30:01There's a witch moved into Jasmine Cottage.
30:03That's stupid.
30:04It's not stupid, stupid.
30:06Mrs Henson told my mother that the lady there gets a witch's newspaper.
30:10Excuse me, my father says there's no such thing as witches.
30:13It makes sense the witches would have their own newspaper.
30:16My dad gets the Anglist Times.
30:18And I bet there's loads more witches than Anglists.
30:19Shut up. I'm trying to tell you things.
30:22It's called the Psychic News.
30:25She's a witch.
30:27Actually, there are no more witches because we invented science.
30:30And all the vicars set fire to the witches for their own good.
30:33It was called the Spanish Inquisition.
30:35I don't reckon it's allowed going round setting fire to people.
30:38Otherwise, people would be doing it all the time.
30:39It's alright if you're a vicar and it stops the witches from going to hell.
30:43So I expect they'd be quite grateful if they understood it properly.
30:46We can be the new Spanish Inquisition.
30:48Actually, we can't be the Spanish Inquisition because we're not actually Spanish.
30:53I've been to Barcelona. I can teach you Spanish.
30:56They say ole a lot.
30:58We should practise. Before we start burning witches, we should start small and work our way up.
31:04Leave it to me.
31:06This is the Tadfield area.
31:08Does it look familiar yet?
31:11You know, it does. I think there's an air base around here somewhere.
31:15Air base?
31:16Well, you don't think American diplomats' wives usually give birth in little religious hospitals in the middle of nowhere, do
31:22you?
31:24No. It all had to seem to happen naturally. So there's an air base about at Tadfield.
31:28Things started to happen. Base hospital isn't ready.
31:31Oh.
31:32Our man there says it. There's a birthing hospital just down the road.
31:37And there we were.
31:39A rather good organisation.
31:41Flawless.
31:42It should have worked.
31:44Ah, but evil always contains the seeds of its own destruction.
31:50No matter how well planned, how foolproof an evil plan, no matter how apparently successful it may seem upon the
31:57way,
31:57in the end, it will founder on the rocks of iniquity and vanish.
32:05For my money it was just normally a cock-up.
32:20Hey guys.
32:21Hi.
32:22Nice hat.
32:23Actually, we made it out of cardboard. It's for our game.
32:27Stylish.
32:28What are you guys playing?
32:30The British Inquisition.
32:31Come on, Wensleydale.
32:33Sounds like fun.
32:34How does the game work?
32:36I am Chief Inquisitor, Brian is head torturer, and we're trying to find a witch.
32:40Oh.
32:41Sounds very sensible.
32:43How do you do that?
32:45Watch.
32:46Art thou a witch?
32:47Ole!
32:48Hey.
32:51Yes?
32:53You can't say yes.
32:54You've got to say no.
32:55Then what?
32:56Then we torture you until you say yes.
32:58Wait, you're going to torture him?
33:00We built a torturing machine.
33:07It looks like a swing.
33:08But obviously, in this situation, I actually am a witch.
33:12I have a big pointy hat, and we have a cat at home, and I borrowed Mum's broom.
33:17Look, no-one's saying you can't be a witch, but you just have to say you're not a witch.
33:22There's no point taking all this trouble if you're going to go around saying yes the minute we ask you.
33:27Just say no.
33:29But art thou a witch, O evil crone?
33:32Excuse me. Adam, why must I do all the work?
33:35I'm being tortured here. Actually, this is very painful. I'm thinking of admitting to being a witch.
33:41I'm going to go home if I can't have a go. Don't see why evil witches should have all the
33:45fun.
33:45You have to keep pushing.
33:48Hey, kid.
33:49Yep?
33:50Can I ask you something?
33:51Yeah.
33:52Are there any great beasts or strange things happening?
33:55Well, there's a dog. I mean, he's a beast.
33:58Come on, dog. Say hello.
34:00Not what I was looking for.
34:02Hold on. I have to tell them what to do.
34:04All right, evil witch Wednesdaydale.
34:07Don't do it again.
34:08And now you go off the torturing swing and let someone else have a turn.
34:10All right, well, you kids are hilarious, but I'm going to keep looking, so...
34:27Um, are you sure this is the right place?
34:31This doesn't look like a hospital, and...
34:36Well, it feels loved.
34:42No, it's definitely the place.
34:44What do you mean, loved?
34:45Well, I mean the opposite of when you say, I don't like this place.
34:48It feels spooky.
34:50I don't ever say that.
34:52I like spooky. Big spooky family.
34:54Let's go talk to some nuns.
34:58Oh!
35:01It's blue.
35:04There's paint.
35:06Hey!
35:07You've both been hit!
35:10I don't know what you think you're playing at.
35:12I don't know what you think you're playing at.
35:17Well, that was fun.
35:18Well, yes, fun for you.
35:19Look at the state of this coat.
35:21I've kept this in tip-top condition for over 180 years now.
35:25I'll never get this stain out.
35:28You can miracle it away.
35:29Did they?
35:29Hmm.
35:30Yes, but...
35:32Well, I would always know the stain was there.
35:37Underneath, I mean.
35:45Oh.
35:50Impressive hardware.
35:54I've looked at this gun.
35:56It's not a proper one at all.
35:58It just shoots paintballs.
36:01Don't your lot disapprove of guns?
36:02Unless they're in the right hands.
36:06Then they give weight to a moral argument.
36:08I think.
36:10A moral argument.
36:12Really.
36:13Go on.
36:17This is definitely the place.
36:19Management training no longer meant watching
36:21half a dozen unreliable PowerPoint presentations.
36:24Firms these days expected more than that.
36:26They wanted to establish leadership potential,
36:29group cooperation and initiative,
36:31which allowed their employees to fire paintballs
36:33at any colleagues who irritated them.
36:36Wonder where the numbers went.
36:38The brochure for Tadfield Manor Crowley is inspecting
36:41fails to contain any sentences along the lines of
36:44until 11 years ago.
36:45The manor was used as a hospital by an order of satanic nuns
36:49who weren't actually very good at it.
36:55Millie from Accounts caught me in the elbow.
36:58Who's winning?
36:58You're all going to lose.
37:03What the hell did you just do?
37:06No.
37:07They wanted real guns, so I gave them what they wanted.
37:14I always said you couldn't trust those people from purchasing.
37:17You bastards.
37:25There are people out there shooting at each other.
37:28What?
37:29Lends weight to their moral argument.
37:33Everyone has free will, including the right to murder.
37:36Just think of it as a microcosm of the universe.
37:39I wanted to be a graphics designer,
37:42design LPs for the Rolling Stones,
37:44but the careers teacher said he had an error of them.
37:46So I spent 36 years double-checking form BF-18.
37:51They couldn't just say,
37:52Oh, Norman, we're giving you early retirement.
37:54Have a watch, bugger off and tend to your marigold.
37:58If they want war,
38:00we're going to give them war.
38:02Okay, guys.
38:03Let's get the bastards.
38:14They're murdering each other.
38:16No, they aren't.
38:17No one's killing anyone or having miraculous escapes.
38:21Wouldn't be any fun otherwise.
38:25You know, Crowley,
38:27I've always said that deep down,
38:30you really are quite a nice...
38:32Shut it.
38:33I'm a demon.
38:34I'm not nice.
38:35I'm never nice.
38:36Nice is a four-letter word.
38:37I'm not...
38:38Excuse me, gentlemen.
38:39Sorry to break up an intimate moment.
38:41Can I help you?
38:46Yeah.
38:47Saints of demons, preserve us.
38:48It's Master Crowley.
38:51You didn't have to do that.
38:53You could have just asked her.
38:57Of course.
38:57Of course.
38:58No.
38:58Yeah, excuse me, ma'am.
38:59We're two supernatural entities just looking for the notorious son of Satan.
39:04Wonder if you might help us with our enquiries.
39:10Um...
39:11Look.
39:12Hello.
39:14You weren't by any chance a nun here at this convent eleven years ago, were you?
39:19I was.
39:21Luck of the devil.
39:24What happened to the baby I gave you?
39:27I swapped him with the son of the American ambassador.
39:30Such a nice man.
39:32He used to be ambassador to Swindon.
39:36Then sister Teresa Gariless came and took the other baby away.
39:40This American ambassador, what was his name?
39:43Where did it come from?
39:44And what did he do with the baby?
39:46I don't know.
39:47Records.
39:48There must have been records.
39:49Yes.
39:50There were lots of records.
39:52We were very good at keeping records.
39:54Oh.
39:54Where are they?
39:56Burned in the fire.
40:00Oh!
40:01Hasta!
40:02Well, is there anything you remember about the baby?
40:07He had lovely little toesy-woosies.
40:12Nice girl.
40:13You were awake having had a lovely dream about whatever you like best.
40:17Were you?
40:23You'd think he'd show up, wouldn't he?
40:26You'd think we could detect him in some way.
40:28He won't show up, not to us.
40:30Protective camouflage.
40:32He won't even know it, but his powers will keep him hidden from trying occult forces.
40:37Occult forces?
40:39You and me.
40:41I'm not a cult.
40:43Oh?
40:44Angels aren't occult.
40:45We're ethereal.
40:53Is there some other way of locating him?
40:55How the heaven should I know?
40:57I'm getting only happens once, you know.
40:59You don't get to go around again until the unit write.
41:02I know one thing.
41:03If we don't find him, it won't be the war to end all wars.
41:06It'll be the war to end everything.
41:10Most books on witchcraft will tell you that witches work naked.
41:14This is because most books on witchcraft are written by men.
41:19Darksome night and shining moon.
41:27Come on.
41:41There's a very peculiar feeling to this whole area.
41:45I'm astonished you can't feel it.
41:47I don't feel anything out of the ordinary.
41:49But it's everywhere.
41:50All over here.
42:02Love.
42:03Flashes of love.
42:04I've been ridiculous.
42:07The last thing we need right now is...
42:13You hit someone.
42:14No.
42:15I didn't.
42:17Someone hit me.
42:27Let there be light!
42:34How the hell did you do that?
42:42I think I hit my head.
42:45That's it.
42:46No bones broken.
43:00My bike.
43:01Oh.
43:10Amazingly resilient, these old machines.
43:14Where do you need to get to?
43:15No.
43:15No.
43:16We're not giving her a lift.
43:17Out of the question.
43:18There's nowhere to put the bike.
43:19Except for the bike rack.
43:26I do get hit, my dear.
43:31So, where are we taking you?
43:33Back to the village.
43:35I'll give you directions.
43:39Bicycle!
43:40Bicycle!
43:42Bicycle!
43:45Bicycle!
43:46Bicycle!
43:47Bicycle!
43:48Bicycle!
43:48Bicycle!
43:49My bike, it...
43:50It didn't have gears.
43:52I know my bike didn't have gears.
43:54Make a left.
43:58Oh Lord, heal this bike.
44:01I can't carry it away.
44:03Oh, you can drop me off here.
44:20Oh, look.
44:21No gears.
44:23Just a perfectly normal velocity.
44:25Bicycle.
44:26Can we get on?
44:28It ain't, I know.
44:29It ain't, I know.
44:35I want to ride my bicycle.
44:39Bicycle!
44:41Bicycle!
44:45Bicycle!
44:46Hola, mi amor.
44:48How is it going?
44:49Lousy.
44:50Any progress in finding the...
44:53The young beast and the lesser beast?
44:56It must be at the north end of the village.
44:58I'm certain of it.
44:59I just...
44:59can't figure out...
45:01where.
45:02Have you used your pendulum?
45:04Mom, I'm not a kid.
45:06If I get too close, the signal swamps me.
45:08Further away, I can get an accurate fix.
45:10Mi amor, the answers are always in the book.
45:14It's just sometimes you don't see them till afterwards.
45:20The book.
45:23Holy shit, Mom.
45:24I'm gonna have to call you back.
45:47You know, we might get another human to find him.
45:53What?
45:54Humans are good at finding other humans.
45:56They've been doing it for thousands of years.
45:58And the child is hardly human.
46:00Other humans might be able to sense him.
46:03He's the Antichrist.
46:04He's got an automatic defense thingy.
46:08Suspicion slides off him like...
46:12Ah, whatever it is, water slides off.
46:14Got me better ideas.
46:16Got one single better idea.
46:24I still don't know why you let him keep that dog.
46:27It was his birthday and...
46:29Oh, I don't know.
46:30The way that he was looking at the dog
46:32and the dog was looking at him.
46:35If they were made for each other.
46:37Arthur, you are a softy sometimes.
46:41I resent that remark.
46:43Where's the dog now?
46:45Tied up outside.
46:46Adam asked if he could have him in his room,
46:48but I said absolutely not.
46:50Absolutely not.
46:51I said...
47:17Come on, dog.
47:27What was that about?
47:29Oh...
47:29Just checking on Adam.
47:32It's quite sweet, you know.
47:34When he's asleep.
47:36When he's asleep?
47:38Yeah.
47:39We'll be at this.
47:44Bye-bye.
47:45I'm gonna get out of there.
47:45Yeah.
48:08I'm gonna get out of here...
48:09If that's a good episode,
48:10Look, there's something I should tell you.
48:13I have a network of highly trained human agents spread across the country.
48:23I could send them searching for the point.
48:27You do. I actually have something similar. Human operatives.
48:32Gosh. Do you think they ought to work together?
48:36I don't know. That's a very good idea.
48:39Mine are not very sophisticated, politically speaking.
48:44No. No, neither am I.
48:47So we tell our respective operatives to look for the boy.
48:51Unless you have a better idea.
48:55Ducks!
48:57What about ducks?
48:58They're what water slides off.
49:00Just drive the car, please.
49:16You know, if you lined up everyone in the whole world and asked them to describe the Velvet Underground, nobody
49:24at all would say Bebop.
49:29Oh, there's a book back there.
49:31Well, it's not mine. I don't read books.
49:33It has to belong to the young lady you hit with your car.
49:35I'm in enough trouble as it is. I'm not going to start returning lost property.
49:39That's what your lot do.
49:41Why don't you just send it to the Tadfield Post Office addressed to the mad American woman with the bicycle?
49:47Oh, uh, trying good, yes.
49:51Rather.
49:52So we'll both contact our respective human operatives then.
49:56Sorry?
49:57You all right?
49:58Perfectly, yes. Tip-top.
50:01Absolutely tickety-boo.
50:02Tickety-boo?
50:04Mind how you go?
50:08Well, that was a thing.
50:12Aziraphale was particularly proud of his books of prophecy.
50:15First editions, usually.
50:17And every one was signed.
50:20He had Martha the Gypsy and Ignatius Cybella and Otwell Binns.
50:25Nostradamus had signed,
50:27To mine old friend Aziraphale with best wishes.
50:31Mother Shipton had spilled drink on his copy of her book.
50:34He even owned an original scroll in the handwriting of St. John the Divine of Patmos,
50:39whose revelation had been the all-time bestseller.
50:43But there was one book he didn't have.
50:45One book he had only heard of.
50:50The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nuttall.
51:06Three thousand and eight.
51:08When that the angel readeth these words of mine,
51:12In his shop of other men's books,
51:15Then the final days are certies upon us.
51:18Open thine eyes to understand.
51:21Open thine eyes and read, I do say, foolish principality.
51:26For thy cocoa doth grow cold.
51:32Thy cocoa doth grow cold.
51:35Doot grow cold!
51:38Ah!
51:43Ah!
51:48Oh!
51:51Ah!
51:51Ah-
51:52Ah-
51:53Ah, ah-
52:18any news found the missing antichrist yet no no news nothing nothing at all if I had anything I
52:23tell you obviously immediately we're friends why would you even ask oh no news here either call me
52:28if you find anything absolutely why would you think I wouldn't
52:52let him that understanding count the number of the beast for it is the number of a man
53:01and his number is six hundred three score and six
53:08it can't be that simple can it
53:13I'd have to put the Tadfield area code first of course
53:38catfield oh four six triple six off the young here
53:41dad look I got dog to walk on his hind legs
53:47sorry right number
53:52oh
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