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مسلسل Home Improvement مترجم - Episode 6
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00:29Transcribed by ESO. Translated by —
01:17I don't want to hear another word out of you guys.
01:20Sit down.
01:22Boy, you really did it this time, didn't you?
01:25You really did it.
01:26I just want to thank you boys for the most embarrassing night of my life.
01:31We are the only family in 12 years to have been kicked out of Wacky Jack's Pizza Pagoda.
01:38It takes a lot of work to get kicked out of a restaurant that has a trampoline and a batting
01:42cage.
01:44But Dad...
01:45No buts. That's it.
01:47It was Wacky Jack's fault.
01:48He was making those stupid faces at us.
01:52He's a clown. That's his job.
01:55He didn't do anything.
01:58Does this look familiar?
02:00Wacky Jack's nose.
02:01He pulled it right off his face.
02:04It's not his real nose.
02:06I don't care whose nose it is.
02:07Don't pull things off people's faces.
02:09Hey, you know what you guys are going to do?
02:11You're going to take this nose.
02:13You're going to put it in an envelope.
02:14You're going to sign a little apology note and send it back to Wacky Jack.
02:17And right now, you're going to get out of my sight.
02:19Go up to your rooms.
02:20March. March.
02:21If I hear any noise upstairs, I'll be up there.
02:24And if I have to come up there, you won't want me up there.
02:26Hi.
02:27We're not going to do anything.
02:28No, quiet. Now.
02:28We want to watch the little house.
02:30We didn't do it.
02:31I just watched a note.
02:33I'm innocent.
02:35Innocent?
02:36Pouring salad dressing down your brother's pants?
02:40Oh.
02:41I saw that.
02:42Yeah.
02:46Tim, this is pathetic.
02:48We've sunk to a new low.
02:50Pizza.
02:51Yeah, if you take off those mushrooms first.
02:54Those aren't mushrooms, honey.
02:55I'll pass.
02:57Would you nuke that for me?
02:59Nuke it yourself.
03:05Don't give me that.
03:06You cook for us all the time.
03:09We barbecue.
03:10Cook outside with flame.
03:13Microwave inside.
03:14Cook with magic.
03:15Flame good.
03:16Magic bad.
03:18Microwave good.
03:19Man's stupid.
03:22Easy monkey boy fires our friends.
03:26Hey.
03:30Tim, come on.
03:32You're going to drip cheese all over my stove.
03:36I mentioned burn the hair right off my knuckles.
03:42I'm going to count to three and then I'm going to be up there.
03:45One, two.
03:47Dad, Brian and Randy are doing bad things.
03:50Unless it involves human sacrifice, I don't want to hear about it.
03:54Okay.
03:55I'll let you know.
03:59Little baboons.
04:00Where do they learn this stuff?
04:02Possibly from the big baboon.
04:05Huh?
04:07Huh?
04:08Yes, you.
04:09You encourage their bad behavior.
04:10I don't encourage bad behavior.
04:12Oh, yeah?
04:13Tonight, when Brad spit his chewing gum across into that plant, you cheered.
04:18Jill, that was a 10, 12-foot arc easy.
04:23Right into a six-inch pot, man.
04:25Michael Jordan could have made that shot, huh?
04:27And I did tell him to stop, too.
04:29Oh, yeah.
04:30After you gave him a standing ovation.
04:32I may be wrong, but I think that's sending a mixed signal.
04:35Enough said.
04:37Now, what are we going to do about our boys' table manners?
04:39You should give a refresher course.
04:41Me?
04:42What about you?
04:42Honey, I'm a man.
04:43What do I know about manners?
04:48I see.
04:49So, table manners are the woman's job.
04:52Historically, Jill, yes, that's the case.
04:55Emily Post, Amy Vanderbilt, and, of course, who could forget myth,
04:59manners.
05:01I don't recall an etiquette column called Ask Chuck.
05:08You know, Chuck, I've been eating pot roast all my life.
05:10Got that little gristle piece stuck in the middle of my tooth.
05:12Do you suck it out with a tongue?
05:14Ask somebody to do it.
05:15Help me out with that.
05:16Pull that thing out of it.
05:17Listen, you are the one that encouraged their bad behavior.
05:20Therefore, you should have to be the one to teach them good behavior.
05:22We should do this together.
05:24No, no.
05:24You're the transgressor.
05:26I never wear your clothes.
05:31All right, I do like that taffeta gown.
05:34You know what I'm talking about.
05:36What do you want me to do?
05:37I want for this family to get through a meal without the boys throwing their food or
05:42gargling their milk or talking about boogers.
05:44A meal without boogers?
05:47Never going to happen.
05:48I can give you a perfect meal.
05:50Yeah, when?
05:51When's going to be this perfect meal?
05:52Tomorrow night.
05:54Tomorrow night, I'll sit the boys down.
05:56We'll have a man-to-manners talk.
05:57You are going to have three perfect gentlemen.
06:05Honey, what is this?
06:07Where are you going?
06:09It's Brad and Randy threw my mattress out the window.
06:13That's it.
06:14I'm following up there.
06:15Honey, honey, honey.
06:28So, Al and I finished that subfloor.
06:36Next time, we'll show you how to lay down tongue-groove hardwood flooring.
06:40Al, what size floor is a board that we use on that, Al?
06:43Tim, they're three inches wide by one-eighth of an inch thick.
06:46They'll be fastened down by driving a nail at a 45-degree angle through their longitudinal
06:50tongue.
06:51Oh, that's got to hurt, huh?
06:54But we do that to hide the nail, don't we?
06:58That's right, Tim.
07:05I know that sounds complicated, but it's not.
07:07And what you'll end up with is an absolutely beautiful dining room floor.
07:11Speaking of dining rooms, that brings me to today's tool tip for tool time.
07:15It's about etiquette.
07:16It's a big word, so get out your dictionary.
07:20So, the dining room needs two things to be complete.
07:23A floor and manners.
07:26See, when men are together by ourselves, we don't worry about manners, do we?
07:29Because, hey, we don't need them.
07:31You're at the ballgame, what's better than a mustard fight with your buddies here?
07:34Spitting beer, we need it.
07:35Hey, buddy.
07:36Hey!
07:38My personal favorite, jamming two big french fries up that nose, acting like a walrus.
07:44Hey!
07:45It's guy stuff.
07:46And women don't appreciate guy stuff, and that's the truth.
07:48I don't think a woman really understands the diaphragmatic control it takes to do all of the
07:53vowels in one belch.
08:00Hey, I love you.
08:05Manners.
08:05Use manners.
08:06It shows you're civilized.
08:08It tells women you're civilized, and they'll keep doing things for you.
08:10So, always remember that.
08:12Use the correct fork.
08:13Put the napkin in your lap.
08:16And always.
08:18I do mean always.
08:21Excuse yourself when you lose a little pressure.
08:24Because I want you to remember, men, the first three letters of manners are...
08:33See you next week.
08:41Ah, ah!
08:42Look, Tim.
08:43I found this broccoli in Randy's dirty clothes.
08:47Mmm.
08:48Either he's hiding it or not digesting properly.
08:52Ah!
08:55What is all this?
08:57Teaching my men some manners.
08:59With wooden blocks.
09:01Rehearsal food.
09:02That's what that is.
09:03Well, gee, I hope they don't like it.
09:04I don't have any recipes for wood.
09:06Sure you do.
09:06That meatloaf that you like so much.
09:11I don't mean to criticize, but, um...
09:13Is this where you want to put the napkin?
09:15No.
09:16I want it in the proper spot.
09:18There you go.
09:20I was right in the first place.
09:22Hey!
09:25You don't really think I can do this, do you?
09:27I didn't say that, Tim.
09:29Come on.
09:29You don't really think I can do it.
09:30Say the word.
09:30Say it.
09:31Say it.
09:31Sweetheart, I just think that you cannot teach that which you do not know.
09:35Really?
09:36Really.
09:36I'll have you know.
09:38But that which you think I do not know is that which I know.
09:43No, no, no.
09:44If I can't whip these boys into shape...
09:46What?
09:48I will give you anything you want.
09:50Anything.
09:51And I think I know what you want.
09:56No, no, no, Tim.
09:58That would be the consolation prize.
10:03I was thinking more along the line of, uh, season tickets to the opera.
10:08Oh!
10:12That's a Greek word, isn't it?
10:14Death by music.
10:16You should have anything.
10:18If you want, fine.
10:18But if I want to see a screaming fat lady with horns, I'll go to your mom's house.
10:23Yeah.
10:28Now listen, buddy.
10:30A deal is a deal.
10:30I'm going to go call the Michigan Opera Theater for ticket information.
10:38You're wasting your time.
10:41Mark!
10:44Mark!
10:45Yeah, Dad?
10:46Mark?
10:51What are you doing in there, sweetheart?
10:54Smelling me inside of the trash can.
10:58Why are you doing that?
10:59Dad said he would give me a quarter if I did.
11:02What, is Brad like the garbage fairy now?
11:05Why don't you go inside and wash it up?
11:06Okay.
11:07Randy!
11:08Brad!
11:10Home now!
11:12How goes a good neighbor?
11:13Hiya, Wilson.
11:14What are you making over there?
11:16Building a porcupine trap.
11:18Really?
11:20I don't think there's a whole lot of porcupine in the Detroit area, are there?
11:23Ah-ha, but if you build it, they will come.
11:29What do you want, Dad?
11:30I want you to go sit down at the table, all right?
11:32Hey, Brad, can I have a moment with you, please?
11:34What?
11:35Your little brother was underneath that garbage can smelling it.
11:38Where do you get these ideas?
11:40They just come to me.
11:43Why don't you go sit down?
11:44I'm going to teach you boys some manner.
11:47You owe me a quarter!
11:48No way!
11:49Enough, that's enough, you guys.
11:51Cut it out.
11:51Stop running around.
11:52Stop, stop.
11:52Come here.
11:53Sit down.
11:54We've got work to do.
11:54Sit, sit, sit.
11:55What are we doing?
11:56We're sitting down is what we're doing.
11:58Ugh.
12:00Now, I love you boys, but you are bad news in the table manager's department, so we're
12:05going to have a crash course.
12:06Why?
12:07Why?
12:08Because of what happened to the restaurant last night.
12:09That's why.
12:10I told you, it was that stupid clown's fault.
12:13You ought to go back and punch him out, Dad.
12:15Hey!
12:16Never hit anybody with makeup.
12:18That's the rule.
12:21Bottom line here, we are going to have a civilized meal.
12:25And I set this table nicely.
12:27Put those back.
12:29A civilized meal means Brad.
12:33No hitting, pinching, kicking, all that jazz on the table.
12:36You don't think I see?
12:36I see it.
12:37Don't do it.
12:38And Randy, none of these gross-out stories.
12:41The boogers, the scab stuff.
12:42Scab's a talk to booger.
12:43Jack, you want to talk about food?
12:46Hey.
12:47Hey, food.
12:48Perfect.
12:49Let's talk food.
12:50Okay.
12:51Well, today in the cafeteria, we made Bobby Devers laugh so hard, he shot peas out his nose.
12:58No way.
12:59It was excellent.
13:01Yeah, but did it have snot on it?
13:03Oh.
13:05We're not going to talk snot tonight.
13:07You're going to come down the stairs like little princes, sit down cleaned and washed up,
13:11and look around and say, good evening, mother.
13:15Mom's not here.
13:16You pretend she's here.
13:18I'll be mommy.
13:19No, you won't.
13:19Don't be mommy.
13:21It scares me when you say stuff like that.
13:23Please, I'll just sit here by.
13:25Don't mind me.
13:26Just pretend I'm not here.
13:27It'd be a lot easier to pretend you weren't here if you weren't.
13:31I won't say a word.
13:32Do you need any help?
13:33Thanks, honey, but I've got it all taken care of.
13:36By the way, I did call Michigan Opera Theater.
13:38There are plenty of good seats available.
13:41You guys got to help me out.
13:43You got to help me out.
13:44Let's take care of this.
13:45If we don't do this right, I'm going to spend the next year at the opera.
13:57All right, focus, focus, focus.
13:59Eating is not just a necessity.
14:01It's a job.
14:02Like any job, you need the proper tools.
14:04These are the tools of the trade.
14:05Fork, knife, weaker sister, the spoon.
14:07Help me, help me, help me.
14:09Almost useless crude instruments by themselves.
14:12But together, they form the mealtime triad of power.
14:15Ah, ah, ah, ah.
14:20Tim, I hate to interrupt this grunt fest, but dinner is less than two hours away.
14:25Thanks for reminding me, Pookie.
14:27You're welcome.
14:29All right, we've got to hustle up.
14:30We've got to hustle up.
14:31Just the basics.
14:31Take the knife out of your mouth, please.
14:33Please.
14:34Just the basics, quick.
14:35All right.
14:36Tonight's dinner, do not eat with your hands.
14:38Well, what if we're having chicken?
14:40What if we're...
14:43Chicken outdoors, use your hands.
14:45Chicken indoors, knife and fork.
14:48What about live chicken?
14:51A live chicken?
14:52Fred, who the hell do you hang out with?
14:55Mom!
14:56What?
14:57Dad's cussing.
14:58I'm not cussing.
14:58That's not a bad word.
14:59It wasn't bad.
15:00Yeah, he said hell and damn.
15:01I did not say damn.
15:03Now you did.
15:10Control here.
15:11Control, control.
15:12That's it.
15:13You guys now...
15:17We do exactly as Dad does.
15:20Listen up.
15:21Sit up straight.
15:22Sit up straight.
15:23Straight.
15:23Sit up straight.
15:26Elbows off the table, Randy.
15:27Randy, elbows...
15:28Stop that.
15:30Stop that.
15:31Stop that.
15:31Stop that.
15:32Stop that.
15:35Enough, enough, enough.
15:37Stop that.
15:37That's enough.
15:38Stop that.
15:39That's enough.
15:40Don't repeat me.
15:42Stop that.
15:45Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go.
16:04Wilson?
16:06Hiya, Tim.
16:07Sounds like you caught your first porcupine.
16:09No, just Mrs. Foley's cat.
16:12Easy, Fluffy.
16:13I'm trying to calm him down a little bit before I set him loose.
16:16He's not hurt, is he?
16:17No, no, no, no, Tim.
16:18This is a humane trap.
16:24Of course, that's my opinion, not Fluffy's.
16:28So, how is the powwow with the boys about the table manners?
16:31Wilson, I don't know.
16:32Those kids sit down to dinner and they go nuts.
16:35Tim, Tim, Tim, the problem with your boys is they don't know how to channel their mealtime aggression.
16:41Mealtime aggression?
16:42See, Tim, the primitive man was a hunter.
16:46He had an intimate relationship with his food.
16:48A lot of dating with wildebeest going on?
16:50No, no, no.
16:51I'm talking about a spiritual intimacy.
16:54They were at one with their meat.
16:56Huh?
16:58The hunter would stalk and kill his prey, then pay homage to the animal's spirit.
17:03He would give thanks to the animal for giving its life.
17:06But the primitive man in us is confused.
17:08Today, our food comes to the table.
17:10We don't know how it got there.
17:12Hmm.
17:13Gives you something to think about when you open a can of Spam, doesn't it?
17:15Yes.
17:18Thanks, Wilson.
17:19I think Fluffy has calmed down now.
17:22There you go, little buddy Freedom.
17:32Well, with freedom comes responsibility.
17:41Enough, enough, enough, enough, guys.
17:44Your mom wants one quiet meal, and I'm gonna give it to her if I have to duct tape you
17:48yard
17:48apes to those chairs.
17:50Quiet.
17:51Okay, we'll do whatever you want tonight.
17:53Can we go now?
17:54No, no, you can't go now, because I'm gonna tell you something.
17:56I know the reason why you guys get nuts at the dinner table.
17:59Because you don't have an intimate relationship with your food.
18:05You don't respect what you're eating.
18:07You're not getting this.
18:08Let me show you what I mean.
18:10Hmm.
18:11This is a chicken we're having for dinner tonight.
18:15Oh, yuck.
18:16That looks gross.
18:17That's exactly my point.
18:20This bird gave its life so you could eat.
18:23You should thank the bird.
18:25Dad, have you lost it?
18:29You're just missing it.
18:30It, it, you don't get it.
18:32It, it's simple.
18:34You guys would lose your mealtime aggression if you had to hunt it and kill it yourselves.
18:39Hmm.
18:40Tell you what.
18:41I'll be the chicken.
18:42You be the mighty hunters.
18:44Stalk, hunt me.
18:45Kill the chicken.
18:47Buck, buck, buck, buck.
18:49What a wonderful day to be a chicken and a lie.
18:51Buck, buck, buck.
18:54Oh, God, it's hunters.
18:55I better run.
18:57Flea, run, flee.
18:59So they couldn't catch me.
19:00Flea.
19:01Run.
19:02Stalk, hunt, kill me.
19:03Run.
19:03Kill the chicken.
19:06Run.
19:07Run.
19:10Run.
19:12Run.
19:13Run.
19:15Run.
19:15Run.
19:15Run.
19:16Run.
19:16Run.
19:16Run.
19:17Run.
19:19Run.
19:19Run.
19:20Gun.
19:20Run.
19:21Run.
19:21Run.
19:21All right.
19:22Let's keep the chicken dead.
19:24Let's keep the chicken dead.
19:25The spirit of the chicken still lies.
19:30You gotta eat this thing now.
19:33I'm not eating that.
19:35There's grass all over there.
19:37Does that bother you?
19:38Yeah.
19:39So dirty, gross, disgusting.
19:41Ho, ho, ho.
19:43Haven't we learned something?
19:45you know what i think what's dirty and disgusting and gross is when you guys come to table and tell
19:54your booger and scab stories fight kick yell i think manners aren't respect for food but respect
20:01for people around you maybe you guys understand any of this stuff yeah yeah kind of why don't
20:08you think about that for tonight's dinner now what do we do whatever you want
20:18randy honey do you want some more mashed potatoes no thank you how about you brand no thank you
20:25no thank you no thank you that's very polite tim i gotta apologize i thought you couldn't give me
20:33one quiet meal with the boys and you did it kiss off madam butterfly can't we not so fast
20:40right you didn't really teach them manners you just exhausted them
20:48take what you can get
20:53i might just do that
21:01i'll be going upstairs now
21:06you want company no just you
21:16shouldn't you take the boys to bed
21:18nah leave them it'll only take a minute anyway
21:27i'm feeling pretty spry honey maybe a minute five minute ten
21:49we're laying down that hardwood floor you could use hammer and nails but why would you that'd take forever
21:54i think what we need here is
21:56i was thinking right along those lines myself
22:01and look what al brought us out here the binford 311 series b power nailed driver thank you al
22:07welcome jim uh that's etiquette always thank you
22:10try to say something nice al good looking slacks
22:18that bad boy's raw power ah ah
22:21what kind of power you need to attach a phone book to a cinder block wall man
22:26uh tim you might want to remind our viewers that the binford 311 has that new safety lock
22:30oh i'm sure it does al
22:33well it's been completely redesigned
22:35al i grew up with these things
22:37heck that is a little different than i'm used to seeing isn't it
22:40well all safeties are basically a solenoid
22:42very impossible shoot it when you don't want to shoot it
22:48tell you what
22:56we'll go to a break right now
22:58gotta be out of this
23:00boy that's gotta hurt
23:01yeah hell it does
23:02feels kind of like that
23:04ah
23:10boy that's not absolutely Spread the差 Yeah
23:28all the way that is
23:31it's been a long time in space
23:33today
23:33next week
23:34i'm Jorge
23:35pls
23:36pls
23:38yeah
23:38You
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