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مسلسل Home Improvement مترجم - Episode 1
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00:00Oh
00:30Oh, my God.
01:00Oh, my show's on. Come on and watch.
01:01No, thanks. I'm playing.
01:03Oh, Jill.
01:04Yeah.
01:05Got a spot all warmed up on the couch. Tool time's ready to begin. Come on.
01:08Couldn't get the boys to watch, huh?
01:09They were a little busy.
01:10So am I.
01:12Your loss.
01:13It's a great episode. Classic.
01:15I've shown everybody how to install a deadbolt lock.
01:18Yeah.
01:20Let's get that taken care of.
01:21There you go. You heard that snap? That means it's on.
01:24Tool tip. Tool belt fashion tip from old Tim.
01:26Hike it up so you avoid that unsightly butt crack, because who wants to see that?
01:31Boy, there's nothing like the feeling of raw hide and cold steel hanging on your hips.
01:37My wife says when I put this bad boy on, I turn into wild, hairy, disgusting ape.
01:42Huh?
01:43You know what? I don't think women understand the feeling of raw hide and steel vice gripping monkey plier,
01:49dado head cut flat jig, miter jig box, hot goo.
01:54Busy day today.
01:56Al and I are gonna rough in that house, finish hanging that garage door,
01:59but first, we're gonna install a twin-center deadbolt security lock in the store.
02:02Morning, Al.
02:03Morning, Tim.
02:04Always follow your instructions.
02:05Always makes jobs a bit easier.
02:07We've already laid out with the template included in the kit
02:09where we're putting our holes.
02:10Use my awl here to set my drill.
02:12All right, Al, let's have a drill, please.
02:15Whoo!
02:15Look at that butt crack you got going there.
02:18I think I got to start today by spackling Al's butt crack shot, huh?
02:23With the new patch and paint butt crack filler putty.
02:27Hey, I smell voltage.
02:29I think it's time to drill.
02:30Hey, uh, right, Tim.
02:31And, uh, we'll be using a one-and-a-half-inch auger bit.
02:35Come on, Al.
02:36That's a girl drill.
02:37We need a man drill, don't we?
02:40But, Tim, this is the proper tool.
02:42Yeah, I bet it is, Al.
02:43You know, men, we want a job done right,
02:45and we want it done quick.
02:46What do we need?
02:47More power!
02:49Darn right, more power.
02:51Thank you, Lisa.
02:52Now there's raw power!
02:56This is a Bedford series heavy-duty variable speed drill,
02:59double-reduction spur gearing,
03:021400 RPM, 6.8 amp.
03:07But you won't even be halfway through your aug
03:10before you hear this.
03:11Honey, shut that thing off.
03:12It's making too much noise.
03:13Huh?
03:16I always ignore that first plate.
03:18It just makes her yell a little louder.
03:20Well, here she comes down the hall.
03:21Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom.
03:22Hey, shut that thing off!
03:24Can't you ever get a bunch of years of being baboon?
03:26You know what the problem is?
03:26What's that supposed to be?
03:28Is that supposed to be me?
03:30No!
03:31That's not you.
03:33Oh, what a relief.
03:35Then who is it?
03:36That's, uh, every wife.
03:40Oh, yeah.
03:41But, you know, I happen to be a wife.
03:45Every wife but you.
03:47Stop it.
03:48You'll make me go to the bathroom.
03:49No, let me up, let me up!
03:51No, you started this.
03:51You're staying right there.
03:52Oh, no!
03:56No, really, I have a glass in the drawer.
03:57I have to get that out.
03:58Let me go.
03:59Help!
04:00Jim, would you go see who's killing who out there?
04:02I can only imagine.
04:03Randy, what are you doing to your younger brother?
04:05I'm just hanging him from the jungle, Jim.
04:08Help!
04:09Don't do that.
04:10He likes it.
04:11Randy, you let go of that rope
04:12or I'm going to hot glue your little head to the garage door.
04:16No running in the house.
04:18Cover the ball with both hands so you don't fumble.
04:21Go on.
04:22Jim.
04:24And do as your mother says.
04:25Don't run in the house.
04:26I'll be back.
04:27Where are you going?
04:29Sears.
04:29Summer Spectacular sale.
04:32You can't go.
04:33I've got this job interview.
04:35What job interview?
04:36I have been telling you this all week.
04:39It's the personnel manager at Kingman Hartwell.
04:41You never told me about a job interview.
04:43Tim, do you ever listen to me?
04:44It was the last thing that I said in bed to you last night.
04:47No, I believe, if you recall, the last thing you said to me in bed last night was,
04:50No!
04:58You're thinking of tonight.
05:10Oh, you split my sides.
05:12You really did.
05:13Is that my liver?
05:14Look in there.
05:14Look at that.
05:15No, you stop that.
05:16I've got to be there in an hour, and you've got to stay here with these kids.
05:19Fine.
05:19I'll be back in 20 minutes.
05:2120 minutes?
05:22Who are you kidding?
05:23You'll be down there drooling, fondling all the tools, your eyes bugging out.
05:27You don't even look at me like that.
05:30I would if you were two speeds in reversal.
05:34Tim.
05:36You won't even know I'm gone.
05:38Tim, walk out that door, and this goes in the trash compactor.
05:43That's my Bimford power tape with positive toggle lock.
05:46Kiss it goodbye.
05:48Don't turn that on.
05:49Are you staying?
05:51Yes.
05:52God, you're mean to me.
05:55Oh, there's food boogers all over.
06:00Since you're staying, would you load the dishwasher?
06:03Why not, now that you've broken my spirit?
06:06Tim, this job is important to me.
06:09Aren't you excited about me going back to work?
06:11Yeah, sure.
06:13Yeah, sure.
06:16Could you maybe work up a little enthusiasm?
06:18I'm sorry, honey.
06:20Gosh, I'm excited.
06:21You'll be laying around the house, mooching off the boys and me.
06:24Oh, do the other side.
06:26Oh, I'm your love slave.
06:28Is it okay if I go over to Tommy's?
06:30What?
06:31Is it okay if I go over to Tommy's?
06:33Yeah, sure.
06:34Honey, honey, don't put that in the dishwasher.
06:36You have to rinse it off first.
06:37You gotta wash the dish before I put it in the dishwasher.
06:40Yeah, that spray's not strong enough for egg yolk.
06:44It would be if we had a man's dishwasher.
06:47But no, you insist on the ladies' soft-touch decor series.
06:49Little tiny buttons that no man can...
06:51I'm so sorry the grunting hairy ache model was sold out.
06:54Just rinse the dish.
06:59You know, honey, I could fix the spray on this dishwasher.
07:02No, Tim.
07:03It's not broken.
07:04I know, it just needs more power.
07:08Every time you fix something, the fire department shows up.
07:11But this would be different because I got this positive...
07:13I'm not gonna let you ruin a perfectly good dishwasher
07:15just so you can get out your tools and play.
07:17Six horse.
07:18No.
07:18One...
07:19No.
07:19One...
07:20No.
07:22Play?
07:23I host my own home improvement show.
07:26Don't touch the dishwasher.
07:32Don't touch the dishwasher.
07:37I'll show her.
07:38Well, I'll strap that old 427 side-learned V8 on that son of a B.
07:44Dual quads, headman-headers, whiskey cams.
07:46700 horse.
07:47Blowing everything off every dish in there,
07:49including that little sissy flower pattern.
07:52I heard that.
07:53Hey!
07:56This is my house.
07:57That is my dishwasher.
07:59And I will rewire it if I want to.
08:01No, you will not rewire it and screw it up like you did the blender.
08:06End of discussion.
08:08What is your problem with the blender?
08:12It's the only blender on the block that can puree a brick.
08:19Go into that interview.
08:21I'll see you in a couple hours.
08:22Good luck, honey.
08:23And remember what Newt Rockne said.
08:25Hit them low and hit them hard.
08:27I'll do that.
08:29Oh, oh, oh.
08:30And remember, honey.
08:32Don't touch the dishwasher.
08:34Honey, I'm not one of the kids.
08:35You only have to tell me once.
08:36Yeah.
08:39Hey, Wilson.
08:40Hi, Tim.
08:41I'm going to rewire that dishwasher.
08:43Do you still have that compressor for sale?
08:44No, no, no.
08:45Traded that for a set of snow tires and an accordion.
08:50Shoot.
08:51Dishwasher broken, huh?
08:52No, I'm just going to show my wife who's man in this house.
08:56I told her I was going to rewire that dishwasher.
08:58She jumps all over me.
08:59Sometimes I don't know about her.
09:01This isn't about her.
09:02It's not.
09:03No, no, no, no.
09:04This is about you.
09:06The reason you're having problems with your wife is because you don't know who you are as a man.
09:12I don't have a problem in that area, Wilson.
09:16Not what I mean, Tim.
09:18A lot of men feel lost, confused.
09:21You see, Tim, the Industrial Revolution took the adult male out of the home.
09:25Boys were left without an older man to teach them how to be men.
09:29We need to get back to something more primitive.
09:32Atavistic.
09:39Atavistic.
09:41How do you spell that?
09:43Let's just say primitive.
09:45All right.
09:46Men need to spend more time around the campfire with their elders, like in ancient days, seeking wisdom, telling stories,
09:54sharing.
09:55But these men all have to be naked?
09:56No, no.
09:58No, that's optional.
10:01You see, Tim, it's time for men to reclaim the male spirit.
10:06Yes.
10:08And I'm going to start by reclaiming that dishwasher.
10:11Mark, get your brothers.
10:12We're off to Sears.
10:13What?
10:16All right.
10:17You got to get this done before your mom gets home, okay?
10:19Take a look at this bad boy.
10:23That's a Finley two-stage five-horse Blastmaster compressor.
10:27All tubing inside of stainless steel, diaphragm clip.
10:29Dad, why are we doing this?
10:31Randy, it's a house full of men.
10:32We're reclaiming the male spirit.
10:34Huh?
10:35By working on a dishwasher?
10:36It's either that or sitting around a campfire telling stories naked.
10:42Hey, hey, hey, hey!
10:44Where you guys going?
10:45I'm kidding around.
10:47It's just you and me, Mark, unless you got something else to do.
10:50Nope.
10:50I want to be with you.
10:51Great.
11:04What are you doing?
11:06Getting naked.
11:08You don't have to get all the way naked.
11:11All right, let's let bare-chested menswear.
11:12Come over here.
11:15All right.
11:17Sit down there.
11:18All right, first off, let's see their muscles.
11:20Hey.
11:35Well, I think you're ready for your new Hank, the handyman tool.
11:42All right, let's take a look at it.
11:44Little baby butt crack.
11:48All right, the number one rule in home repair is safety.
11:51We're going to rewire our major appliance.
11:53We got to cut the electricity off, all right?
11:56Come on out here.
11:59There.
12:00That.
12:02Is the fuse box.
12:04The electrical nerve center of our house.
12:07Wow.
12:08Wow.
12:08You're darn right, wow.
12:12But now we don't have to cut off all the electricity, just the section of the house we're working on.
12:15That'd be the kitchen up there, uh, kitchen.
12:20Well, I shouldn't have labeled those in pencil, should I?
12:26They're all faded and everything.
12:28Look.
12:29Look, kitchen's K.
12:31Yeah, that's kitchen.
12:32There we go.
12:33All right, Hank, the handyman.
12:34Come on, let's go.
12:36We got to take off that access panel.
12:40All right.
12:42Whoa.
12:43Look at all the wires in there.
12:47You know what all those wires do?
12:49Yeah, of course.
12:50I wouldn't have taken it off if I didn't.
12:53Ground, we're looking at ground.
12:55Now, red is all red.
12:59Yellow, see?
13:00The sun is yellow.
13:02It heats the ground.
13:03That's how the name stopped.
13:09Is that car running?
13:18Shake it off.
13:31Are you all right, Dad?
13:33Yeah.
13:36I did that to teach you an important lesson.
13:42What's that, Dad?
13:43Well, when you work with electricity, it's a good idea to shut it all off.
13:48Now, follow me upstairs, I'll show you to treat a severe electrical burn.
14:02Oh, no, Jill's not here.
14:05I'll take a message.
14:06Sure.
14:09Really?
14:13Yeah, I'll tell her.
14:16Mom didn't get the job.
14:17She didn't.
14:19No.
14:20Listen.
14:21She's going to really need us now.
14:23When she gets home, she's going to feel real sad.
14:26So, why don't you go upstairs and wash up?
14:28Because she just loves it when you're all clean.
14:31Dad!
14:32Dad!
14:32Yeah, Randy?
14:34Look at this neat turtle shell.
14:35I found it down at the creek.
14:37You didn't yank the turtle out of there, did you?
14:42No.
14:43If I go down to that creek and find some confused turtle swimming without a shell, I'm going to...
14:46Dad!
14:47I'm going to go make it into a drum.
14:51Wilson, that's the best part about being a boy, is collecting all that useless junk.
14:56I wouldn't call it useless, Tim.
14:58The ancient Malaysians used a turtle shell as an aphrodisiac.
15:03Turtle shell?
15:03Yeah.
15:05Wouldn't that hurt putting it on?
15:09Tim!
15:12I'm out here, honey.
15:13Tim!
15:15Keep the boys off the phone.
15:17I think I'm going to hear about that job.
15:19Honey, actually, I...
15:19I'm so excited.
15:20Oh, gosh, you wouldn't believe it.
15:21It was the best interview ever.
15:24Really?
15:24Today?
15:24Oh, yeah.
15:25I nailed it.
15:26There is no way on earth that I am not going to get this job.
15:29The earth is such a big place.
15:32Oh, really?
15:33Really?
15:33You should have seen me.
15:34I was so impressive.
15:35I looked this vice president right in the eye, and I said,
15:39Is that grease on your hand?
15:41No.
15:43That's an electrical burn.
15:45Did you touch the dishwasher?
15:48Did I touch the dishwasher?
15:50You're a dead man.
15:51Jill, hold on.
15:52What did you do?
15:53Show me what you did.
15:54Boy, are you cute when you're panicking.
15:55That big vein in your forehead just sticks right out.
16:00What the hell is that?
16:01That is the power source to your new dishwasher.
16:03Take it out.
16:04No, no, no, no, no.
16:05No, take it out now.
16:05You don't like the fact that I improved the dishwasher.
16:08Remember that yoke that wouldn't come off the plate this morning?
16:10Watch this.
16:15Hear that, huh?
16:17That's a Finley two-stage, five-horse, blast-masher compressor.
16:20Air delivery systems, 18 cubic feet per square minute.
16:22That should say testosterone right on there.
16:24Because that, that is a man's dishwasher.
16:47Hey, Mark, you didn't tighten that hex bolt like I asked you to.
16:52Stay away from there.
16:53No, no, no, no.
16:53Hey, honey, honey, stay out.
16:54I don't want you to get hurt.
16:55There's broken stuff here.
16:56I'm going to call Tommy.
16:58He's got it.
16:58No, no, don't use the phone.
16:59I'm waiting for a call about my job.
17:01Daddy already got that call.
17:06Sorry.
17:07You didn't get the job, Mom.
17:09Mark.
17:12I didn't get the job.
17:15I wanted to wait for the right time to tell you.
17:18And the dishwasher exploded.
17:19That wasn't it.
17:23I am really, really sorry.
17:27You all right?
17:28I'll get the broom.
17:32Don't, you, you don't touch this.
17:34I will clean all this up.
17:35I'll get...
17:37Hey.
17:38Look on the bright side, honey.
17:39It wasn't a full load.
17:43I asked you not to touch the dishwasher,
17:45but you didn't listen, did you?
17:46It's fine.
17:47I am not going to get angry.
17:49I mean, it makes more work for me,
17:51but I don't mind.
17:52I like to work.
17:54It's just, you know,
17:55too bad nobody will hire me.
17:56You don't have to feel bad.
17:58Don't tell me how to feel.
17:59I'm just saying, if it were me,
18:00what I would...
18:00It's not you, Tim, it's me.
18:01What I mean is you don't have to work.
18:06You don't really want me to work.
18:08No, no, no, no, no, no.
18:10I make enough money for both of us.
18:12No, this is not about money.
18:13This is...
18:14This is about me having a life
18:16outside of this house.
18:17My...
18:17My autonomy.
18:18Your autonomy?
18:19Yeah.
18:19How do you spell it?
18:20Don't start.
18:23Sweetheart, what you got to do...
18:24Oh, this is great.
18:25Now I got to take advice from a guy
18:27who prances around a TV studio
18:29grunting like a baboon.
18:30What does that have to do with it?
18:31While Miss Benford Tool Girl
18:33flashes her big headlights.
18:35Lisa?
18:35No, Al.
18:39What does Lisa have to do with this?
18:41She didn't take your job.
18:42She's got a job.
18:43Oh, no.
18:52What?
18:53What?
18:55What?
19:01What a mess.
19:06how are you tim hi wilson
19:11why does that smell good baby back ribs no no no squirrel
19:18i tell you tim this is what it's all about catch of the day cooking sun setting
19:24men standing around the campfire telling stories mind if i tell you a story wilson
19:29campfires live good neighbor jill doesn't get the job she wants i tell her not to feel bad
19:36she gets angry all right so then i tell her what you should do she jumps all over me and
19:46then walks
19:46away sounds like you were having an asymmetrical conversation asymmetrical how do you spell it
19:55let's just say one-sided you see tim by nature men are problem solvers but jill didn't want you to
20:01solve her problem she didn't no no no she just wanted you to listen while she shared her feelings
20:07just stand there and listen wouldn't wouldn't that be like not doing anything sometimes the best thing
20:12you can do tim is nothing oh jill got mad at me because i didn't listen to her no i
20:22think she
20:22got mad at you because you blew up the damn dishwasher people often ask me they say tim
20:33why is your show so darn popular i'll tell you what i think i think that working with your hands
20:38put you in touch with something primitive almost atavistic
20:46it's almost like reclaiming the male spirit if you will i think you know where i'm headed with this
20:50one i'm talking about masculinism a flat out big pectoral look at my deltoids hairy chested
20:57celebration of men
21:01but this wouldn't be anti-female no that's all wrong to think that just like this sander
21:08vibrates in harmony with the grain of the wood
21:11we men should learn how to vibrate in harmony with our wives
21:19so if you
21:23if you have an occasion have a disagreement with your wife
21:28you should be man enough to not be asymmetrical
21:33because that would be one-sided
21:35which you you should be man enough to look at her and say i'm sorry jill
21:41or betty or ruth or whatever her name would be
21:44anyway let's finish sanding that table
21:48what you said on the show today is really sweet tim
21:52i don't know whether you noticed but
21:55your name was jill and i use the name jill
21:58maybe you caught the hidden double meaning
22:00it was subtle dear but i did grasp it
22:03am i forgiven
22:05yeah forgiven
22:08well that's it for me tim the tool man taylor
22:11i'll finish up today with today's household tip
22:13very important as all of my tips are
22:17remember folks
22:18always
22:19i do mean always
22:19label that fuse box
22:21any
22:23see you man
22:31you know jill i still think you're making a big mistake
22:33not letting me install that dishwasher
22:35i have other plans for you
22:37you do
22:38yeah when was the uh last time that we spent any serious time together
22:43the back seat of a car when brad threw up that pizza
22:49no no really you apologize to me i think i should apologize to you
22:52really yeah i really want to do it right
22:54yeah
22:55uh-huh
22:55back seat
22:58garage
22:59it's like our honeymoon
23:04here let me get that
23:06and that
23:09this hand saver lady soft touch is one of our most popular models
23:16hey let me add
23:17hey lady there's a crazy man in your backyard
23:24is that the guy with the tool show on tv
23:26hey
23:27let me add
23:31stop laughing at me
23:32her get her
23:34what's he doing now
23:35i think he's trying to reclaim his male spirit
23:42i think he's trying to reclaim his male spirit
23:54i think he's trying to reclaim his male spirit
23:55i think he's trying to reclaim his male spirit
23:55i think he's trying to reclaim his male spirit
23:55i think he's trying to reclaim his male spirit
23:55i think he's trying to reclaim his male spirit
23:55i think he's trying to reclaim his male spirit
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