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مسلسل Anger Management مترجم - Episode 1
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00:01You can't fire me. I quit.
00:04Think you can replace me with some other guy?
00:05Go ahead. It won't be the same.
00:08You may think I'm losing, but I'm not.
00:10Anyway, you get the idea.
00:14And those are just some generic examples of frustrations you can take out on Bobo,
00:18our new bopping bag, to express your anger in a healthy way.
00:21Okay, our new members should be showing up any minute.
00:23So while we're waiting, let's see how we all did with our assignment over the weekend.
00:27You were supposed to admit to a loved one that you're in anger therapy.
00:29Patrick had it go.
00:30Not well.
00:32I told my dad that I was coming here to change my passive-aggressive behavior,
00:36and he said, while you're there, can you work on not being gay?
00:40Okay. Did you handle that in a healthy way or with a passive-aggressive act?
00:44I sent everyone in my family a 4th of July card with a picture of me dressed as the Statue
00:48of Liberty
00:48with a sparkler sticking out of my ass.
00:52Patrick, that's not a passive-aggressive act. It's the whole play.
00:55I can print it out and bring it in if you like.
00:57You please do.
00:58While I was in NOM, dodging enemy fire and watching my best friends die,
01:02I kept telling myself, hang in there, Ed,
01:05because one of these days this queer's gonna shove a sparkler up his ass,
01:09and it'll all be worth it.
01:13Okay, Ed. Another dollar in the queer jar.
01:17Who did you tell about your anger therapy?
01:19Well, I was gonna tell one of my best friends, but he died so this queer...
01:23I had.
01:25We're gonna give the gay men's choir a hell of a holiday party, Ed.
01:30How about you, Nolan?
01:30Okay.
01:32Well, uh, I told this girl I went out with that my problem is I'm attracted to angry people.
01:37She thought I was talking about her, so she screamed at me for like an hour.
01:40Very belittling things.
01:43Very belittling.
01:47Who's the stupid therapist here?
01:50I guess that would be me.
01:53Your idiot neighbor is yelling at me for no reason.
01:55I've got a can of mace in my purse, and I am not afraid to bash his skull in with
01:58it.
01:59Hey, everybody, our new member's here.
02:02Excuse me, miss.
02:03You just drove over my lawn.
02:05I'm gonna have to reseed the whole thing.
02:07Might want to throw some seeds up on that bald head of yours.
02:09He's tried everything, Mike.
02:11Let's step outside.
02:12This is a choice.
02:15What's going on over here, Charlotte?
02:16I'm sorry, Mike.
02:17I'm doing sessions at the house now.
02:18I'll cover you for the lawn.
02:20Get me her phone number and we'll call it even.
02:22Forget it. She's here by court order.
02:24I like a fixer-upper.
02:26This is the house from Poltergeist.
02:28See you later.
02:31So what's the deal?
02:32I asked for a female therapist.
02:34Really?
02:34Criminal court system is usually so accommodating.
02:36Next time you go through their concierge.
02:39Everybody, this is Lacey.
02:41Lacey, this is Ed, Patrick, Nolan, and Bobo.
02:43Now, Bobo is here.
02:44In case you feel the need to physicalize your anger,
02:46you can punch him in the face.
02:47All right.
02:48I'll give it a shot.
02:49No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
02:51No.
02:51That's not Bobo.
02:52That's Ed.
02:53Look, I don't even belong here.
02:55The court just wants you to sign this piece of paper
02:56that says I showed up.
02:58If you sign it now, I can bounce
03:00and you can check out my ass when I leave.
03:02I've already checked out your ass.
03:03It's one of the best ones in the group.
03:06It'll look even better if you put it in that chair
03:07so we can start.
03:11I would like to talk about something.
03:13I said it was one of the best.
03:14Okay, thank you.
03:19So, Lacey, why don't you tell us a little bit
03:21about why you're here?
03:22I have no idea.
03:23I'm not angry.
03:24My boyfriend cheated on me, so I shot him in the balls.
03:28Well, he's angry.
03:34Before I went back to school and became a therapist, I was an angry, out-of-control ball player.
03:39You need to watch this.
03:42That's me behind the plate.
03:44After nine years in the minors, I finally got called up to the show.
03:48Simple pop-up.
03:49What can go wrong?
03:54Look how mad he is.
03:56He looks like a bull getting the prostate exam.
04:00Wait, wait.
04:00Here it comes.
04:01Here it comes.
04:04He broke his own knee and ruined his career.
04:09That's still funny as hell.
04:12You know, Ed, you make jokes like that because you're insecure, so you denigrate others to feel better about yourself.
04:18And no.
04:21The point is, anger took away something that I really loved.
04:25And I'm here to try to keep that from happening to you.
04:29Hey, can I watch that again?
04:31I want to see if I still don't care.
04:35Oh, sorry, Dad.
04:37Forgot it was Thursday.
04:37No, Sam, it's okay.
04:38Come on in, everybody.
04:39My daughter, Sam.
04:40Hi, Sam.
04:41Hi, um, I'll just be a second, and I'll be out of your way.
04:48Tough day?
04:50No, everything's fine.
04:53I know I'm new, but this is weird, right?
04:56She's got OCD.
04:59And you smell good.
05:01Okay, you're in my bubble-ass clown.
05:05Cool.
05:06We're doing nicknames.
05:10It's all good.
05:11Bye.
05:17Hey, let's take a short break.
05:18She only does that when she's stressed.
05:20No, stay away from Lacey.
05:21Lacey, stay away from everybody.
05:22Patrick, stay away from Ed.
05:23Ed, well, y'all know the drill.
05:28Come in.
05:31Hey, Sam.
05:32Something bothering you?
05:33No.
05:34Are you sure?
05:35I feel like there's an elephant in the room.
05:37I mean, there could be under all those clothes.
05:40Why am I doing all this stupid homework if I'm not even sure if I'm going to college?
05:43What?
05:44Of course you're going to college.
05:46Someday I hope you and the pile will both go.
05:50Why are you worried about this now?
05:52Well, because college is no guarantee of a job, so it's a useless waste of time.
05:56Where'd you hear that?
05:57Mom's new boyfriend, Sean.
05:59He makes a lot of money as a club promoter.
06:01He didn't go to college, and he drives a much nicer car than you.
06:04Any idiot can buy a car and make payments, but college gave me a career that fulfills me.
06:08It's a Ferrari.
06:09Yeah, sure.
06:10A Ferrari.
06:11A Ferrari?
06:13Look, I've got to get back to my group.
06:15But just keep in mind that, sure, Sean's club may be hot now, but in a couple of months,
06:19that club will be gone, and so will the Ferrari.
06:21But those people downstairs, they will still be crazy.
06:29I can't do that again.
06:32You want to do it again?
06:34Yeah.
06:38I can't.
06:39We ran out.
06:41Damn.
06:42You got any saran wrap?
06:46I've got a Milky Way wrapper.
06:49Still a little caramel in it, though.
06:51You know, there's other stuff we can do.
06:55What do you got in the fridge?
06:58You're awesome.
07:00You're the best kind of friend there is.
07:03No attachments whatsoever.
07:06I promise.
07:09I will never love you.
07:12Keep talking.
07:13I will never love you.
07:16Forever.
07:21Ah, crap.
07:22I've got to go pick up Sam.
07:24How long was I wearing that blindfold?
07:27Oh, come on.
07:28Can't you be 15 minutes late?
07:29I've got to go talk to Jen first.
07:31Her latest genius boyfriend is putting stupid ideas in Sam's head.
07:35What'd he say?
07:36He told her that college is a waste of time.
07:39Well, half of what we just did, I learned in college.
07:43I'd like to think I taught you the other half.
07:50Coming, Charlie.
07:52Hi.
07:53How do you always know it's me?
07:54You're the only guy who doesn't have a key.
07:58It's ironic, because I'm the guy who paid for this place.
08:01Listen, before Sam comes down, can we talk about Sean for a second?
08:03What's there to talk about?
08:05Dude's smart, funny, classy, and I like him a lot.
08:09Charlie, this is Sean.
08:10Sean, this is Sam's dad.
08:12Charlie.
08:12Awkward moment?
08:13Let's do it.
08:15Good meeting you.
08:15You too.
08:16Sorry, I didn't see you sitting there.
08:17It's alright.
08:18Listen, I was just going to ask Jen to tell you that Sam is a really impressionable kid,
08:22so if you can be a little bit careful about what you say around her, that'd be great.
08:24Well, she seems pretty sharp to me.
08:26What shouldn't I say to her?
08:27Well, I'm sure it was out of context, but she told me you said college was a waste of time.
08:32Did you say that?
08:33Fifty-four percent of this year's college grads couldn't find work.
08:35Eighty-five percent of them moved home, so, yeah, I did.
08:39Well, you know what?
08:40A hundred percent of Sam's mom doesn't want to have this conversation right now.
08:44All I'm saying is unemployment.
08:46It's not just for psych majors anymore.
08:48I was a psych major, but you know that most therapists are, had you gone to college.
08:53And learning now didn't cost me a dime.
08:56Okay, well, I didn't go to college, but I did go to a lot of frat parties, and what I
09:00learned is when the guys start fighting,
09:02it's time to pick up your clothes and go, Sam!
09:05It's really simple, Sean. We want Sam to go to college.
09:07That would have been a really good choice in 1962.
09:11Look, it's tough for everybody right now, but it's gonna turn around.
09:14Why am I going into this with you?
09:16Bottom line, don't say crap like that around my kid, okay? Discussion over. Good to meet you.
09:19You know why it's good to meet me? Because I'm smart and I'm right, okay?
09:22My dad steered me away from college and made me get realistic about life.
09:26You're a club promoter, dude. You're realistic about glow sticks and E.
09:31Jennifer, I got this.
09:32Sam!
09:33Not your kid, not your call.
09:34She's definitely your kid.
09:36What the hell is that supposed to mean?
09:37All the emotional problems are there.
09:39Are you kidding me?
09:41Ready to go, Dad!
09:44I'll have this rewired and get it right back to you. Let's go, Sam!
09:51Here you go, Charlie.
09:52Thanks.
09:54You go to college, Brett?
09:56Yeah, I did.
09:57I was working my way through as a stripper and then I started to make so much money I dropped
10:00out of school.
10:02Do you know what? I should have got my degree.
10:05I was not planning on my forties.
10:09Yeah.
10:11Yeah.
10:13Uh-oh.
10:14Here comes your ex and she doesn't look happy.
10:18Hey, Jen.
10:19Hey.
10:20You look great.
10:21I'm gonna just hit the bathroom.
10:22No way, I know where the exits are.
10:24What the hell was that today?
10:26What? I was just defending my kid like any dad would.
10:29But you're not any dad.
10:30You've got anger problems.
10:32And I had to defend you like when you played ball.
10:35Charlie's under a lot of stress.
10:37Charlie had a bad day.
10:38Charlie's on steroids.
10:39I never took steroids.
10:40I know if you had, I'd be living in a bigger house.
10:44You're screwing up my relationship and I want you to go talk to him.
10:47Not gonna happen.
10:48And relationship?
10:49You've only dated a guy for a couple of months.
10:51Yes, but he told me 85% of all relationships that last past two months go on to marriage and
10:5654% last an entire lifetime.
10:59Those are the same percentages as the college thing.
11:03This guy's only got two numbers.
11:05Why would you date a guy like that?
11:07I like him.
11:08You know, he's good with Sam.
11:09He's got a great sense of humor.
11:11And he's got two Ferraris.
11:12Yeah, I know.
11:13Two Ferraris?
11:15One for here, one for the beach house.
11:17Oh, yeah?
11:20Well, I'd have all that if I wanted.
11:22But I chose to spend my money on college.
11:24And I can go to the beach if I want to.
11:26I just can't stay there overnight.
11:32Look, I do this for free because I'm trying to help you.
11:35But I can't help you if you won't admit that you have issues with your anger.
11:38Sorry, I don't consider what I did angry.
11:40Okay, then what should we call it when you slit that guy's throat while he was sleeping?
11:46I call it frustration.
11:47I was very frustrated that he was alive.
11:51No, Ernesto.
11:52Frustration is when you accidentally cut your finger on a soup can lid.
11:55When you use a soup can lid to cut off your cellmate's head, that's anger.
12:00Fine.
12:01I was angry that he took my soup.
12:04Look, we all feel frustration.
12:06I'm going to be honest with you about something that happened to me.
12:09I almost lost it yesterday.
12:10Ooh, honey, I remember when I lost it.
12:12It was a world of pain.
12:16Okay, I'm pretty sure we're talking about two different things.
12:18What I mean is I almost gave in to a black rage.
12:21Oh, no, we're talking about the same thing.
12:24Give in, baby.
12:26Give in.
12:28No, no.
12:29What happened was for the first time in years, my frustration with someone turned to anger
12:35and I almost lost control.
12:37What did the guy do?
12:38He was talking about my kid.
12:39He crossed the line and I almost hit him in the head with a lamp.
12:41You were going to bash in some guy's head with a lamp just because he said something?
12:45You're crazy, Charlie.
12:46I no longer respect him.
12:49I'm screwing with you, Wesley.
12:51I respect you more, man.
12:54That guy had it coming, man.
12:56You would have been totally justified beating his face in the plowshares.
13:00I think that's in the Bible.
13:03No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
13:05Anyone who would do that has got a real problem.
13:07There's no justification for hurting someone just because they disagree with you.
13:11Anyone who would do that has impulse control issues and needs to get into therapy immediately.
13:17I won't be here tomorrow.
13:22And, Wayne, I'm going to bring you a real Bible.
13:25One thing you didn't write yourself.
13:29I don't understand why I can't sleep with one of your patients.
13:33It's one thing if you met her in a bar.
13:34It's another thing if you stalk her in my house.
13:37I'll wait till she walks to her car.
13:41Stop. I've got enough problems on my own.
13:46I've got to go back into therapy.
13:47If I don't, I'm going to lose it.
13:49Why do you need a therapist?
13:51You are a therapist.
13:53You ever see a tow truck hauling a tow truck?
13:58So, go.
14:00But there's only one tow truck I trust.
14:02And, unfortunately, I'm having sex with it.
14:07Well then, ask Kate.
14:09She's a therapist.
14:10I'm sure she probably knows somebody.
14:13Oh, my God! You're sleeping with Kate!
14:16Yeah.
14:17And she's the best therapist I know.
14:19The problem is, she's also my best friend.
14:21And the sex is, I don't know...
14:22The best?
14:23Yes!
14:25Oh, why can't you have it all?
14:26I wish.
14:27It's unethical for a therapist to have sex with a patient.
14:30I teach her that on day one, it weeds out half the class.
14:35Look, Charlie.
14:36To me, there's only one answer.
14:37You have got to go to her for therapy.
14:40Your mental health is way more important than the sex.
14:42Of course, without the sex, she'll probably be lonely.
14:46Please get out of my house.
14:52I don't know what you're here for, but if it's what I think it is...
14:55We only have 15 minutes.
14:57Before we start, I have to tell you about this study I read.
14:59Oh, that sounds so boring.
15:02No, no, no, no. This is good. This is really good.
15:05You know how having sex with a patient is the biggest breach of trust any therapist could commit?
15:08Yeah?
15:09There is a new study that says under the right conditions that a therapist and a patient can have both
15:13a therapeutic relationship and a sexual relationship and keep both completely separate.
15:18Sounds like it was written by a therapist who was trying to get in somebody's pants.
15:24You're probably right.
15:27You are so hot.
15:29I know.
15:31You know what makes you so hot?
15:32Your skin, your eyes, your hair, your intuitive grasp of anger management psychology.
15:37Oh, that was kind of weird.
15:40I know. I like it weird.
15:43What?
15:44You want to hear something else weird?
15:45I almost hit a guy with a lamp the other day.
15:48You want to hear more about that, huh?
15:49Does that turn you on?
15:50Does it? Little girl.
15:53Where are we going with this?
15:54I'll tell you where we're going.
15:56We're going to this couch.
15:57Oh, no, no, no, no. Better.
15:59You sit in the chair.
16:02Here. Maybe take some notes.
16:04Lots of notes.
16:06Are you having a stroke?
16:08What the hell is going on?
16:09Come on. Just come with it.
16:11You can be the therapist.
16:13And I'm going to tell you stuff.
16:14And if you want, you can play with yourself while I'm doing it.
16:18Okay. Let's stop.
16:20What is going on here?
16:24I have to get back into therapy.
16:27My anger issues have come up again and I need your help.
16:30No. Go see somebody else.
16:31But you're the only therapist I trust.
16:34But things are going so well between us right now.
16:37I mean, we feel nothing for each other and it's working.
16:41If you come to see me, sex is out of the question.
16:45But you haven't even read that study I made up.
16:49Okay. Look.
16:51If you say you need me, I could never say no to you.
16:54But I'm just talking about therapy.
16:56Okay. If we go this way, then we are friends with no benefits.
17:00Can't we hang on to some of the benefits?
17:02A cobra plan, if you will.
17:06Um, sorry, Charlie.
17:07You'll have to put your cobra back in your pants.
17:10Can I get one last extension?
17:12No, I'm afraid not. Actually, I have some paperwork for you to fill out.
17:16All right. You better be worth it.
17:18Because this thing has already turned into a bureaucratic nightmare.
17:23Coming!
17:27Hi.
17:28Hey, Jen. I stayed in a minute with Sean.
17:30I got back into therapy and I want to straighten some things out.
17:33Oh, Sean. Got like a camouflage thing going on.
17:38Listen, I shouldn't have lost my temper like I did.
17:41Anger is an ugly mistress.
17:43Maybe you should stop banging her.
17:45That's good. That's good. How many is that in my group?
17:47Oh, good.
17:49Anyway, I am really sorry.
17:50If you knew the shame and humiliation this has caused me.
17:53And Sam is smart enough to make her own decisions.
17:57And I wish you and Jen the very best
17:59and I hope that maybe even someday you and I can be friends.
18:01What do you say?
18:0385% chance that'll never happen.
18:09That's okay. He's still mad, but don't come around.
18:11I hope not. I just broke up with him.
18:15What?
18:17Why'd you let me go through all that?
18:18Because it was painful for you, which made it fun for me.
18:23Sean's just too opinionated.
18:25Plus, he manscapes really weird.
18:28I won't tell you what he does, but he calls it the Abe Lincoln.
18:38I think you felt like you were losing control of Sam
18:42because you're only with her half the time.
18:44Well, of course.
18:45The guy was a complete jerk, but my anger was based in guilt over my divorce.
18:49Exactly.
18:51Sorry, Charlie. I had to kick you out, but we'll pick this up next week.
18:55Would it be inappropriate if I gave you a big hug right now?
18:57Yes. It would be completely inappropriate.
19:00Oh, come on, Kate.
19:02Not the kind of hug you're thinking of.
19:04It's the kind of hug you give your best friend when she's really helped you out.
19:08Okay.
19:09A quick therapeutic one.
19:19Charlie, we can't do this.
19:21I think we can.
19:22Don't you want to?
19:23Of course, I want to.
19:25But it's different now.
19:26I'm inside your head.
19:27I'd feel like I was taking advantage of a patient.
19:30I'm not a patient. I'm also a therapist.
19:32Ah, but you're not my therapist. It's not equal.
19:35Interesting.
19:39How does that make you feel?
19:42Conflicted.
19:44You mean the way you felt about your alternately warm and loving, yet cold and hypercritical father?
19:50Are you trying to analyze me?
19:51You know you could use it as much as me.
19:54And the code was only created to protect a patient from a potentially manipulative therapist.
19:59It doesn't say one thing about hot therapist on therapist action.
20:03You know what, doctor?
20:06I think I just had a breakthrough. Let's do this.
20:10I wasn't expecting this.
20:14But I got these just in case.
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