- 2 days ago
مسلسل Brooklyn Nine-Nine مترجم - Episode 8
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00:01Careful!
00:02We only get one shot at this car altar.
00:04Don't worry. I know what I'm doing.
00:06I saw the first 15 minutes of the Hurt Locker.
00:09Hurry! The cinch is too much.
00:11We gotta get those shoes out of here.
00:12How much time do we have?
00:14Scully ate his pot pie 30 minutes ago,
00:16so we probably got 10 minutes left on this nap.
00:1812 if he's turkey tired.
00:20Alright, coming up.
00:23It's trapped! Abort mission!
00:24I have an idea.
00:39Let's send these shoes to hell.
00:44Oh, wait.
00:46It just smells worse than before.
00:48Abort!
01:12Whoa! Why are you here before me? Am I asleep? Is this a dream?
01:16I am early because Jimmy Brogan is here today.
01:19Why do you care so much about some old reporter?
01:21Some old reporter?
01:23Is this guy just some big blue hat that the world wears?
01:26No. And no one has ever thought that.
01:28My point exactly.
01:30Jimmy Brogan wrote The Squad about badass New York cops in the 70s.
01:34It's the best book I've ever read, and I've read 15 books.
01:37Fifty books is not a lot.
01:39Wait. You said 15?
01:43The Squad is what made me decide to become a detective.
01:45And it was my first book report.
01:47The detectives wiped the mobster's blood off their boots
01:50and found the Skag.
01:52Skag is heroin.
01:53And the book says it's so good you can never stop doing it.
01:57See me after class, Jacob?
01:59Fun side note, I later lost my virginity to Mrs. Stratton's daughter.
02:02It was very fast.
02:05Nice.
02:07Mr. Brogan, these are detectives Santiago and Peralta.
02:11Mr. Brogan, I am a huge fan of your book.
02:14Would you mind signing my copy?
02:16I'd love to. It's always nice to meet a fan.
02:18You can just make it out to Death Wish.
02:20That's what everyone calls me, because I'm always first through the door.
02:24You go through doors normally, and everyone calls you Pineapples.
02:27My grandma calls me Pineapples, and I regret telling you that.
02:30Those New York cops from the 70s you wrote about were my idols.
02:33I mean, Gaminski, Kavanaugh, Quigg.
02:35Those guys were the real deal.
02:37I once saw Gaminski choke a hippie to death with his own ponytail.
02:41Illegal.
02:42Love that.
02:43Mr. Brogan is writing an article about how Brooklyn detectives have changed in the 35 years since the squad.
02:48He'll be observing the two of you on your internet identity theft case.
02:51I hope Mr. Brogan's presence doesn't prove to be a distraction to you, Peralta.
02:55Distracted? Me? No, sir.
02:57Evil would love that.
02:59But I'm not giving evil the satisfaction.
03:02Not today.
03:04Where's the can? I gotta unload.
03:06Unload. Great choice of words. It'd be an honor to show you, sir.
03:11All right. Everyone's here.
03:13Today we're gonna work on our courtroom demeanor.
03:15Pass.
03:16The seminar is not optional, Diaz.
03:19You're testifying in an aggravated assault case tomorrow.
03:22The DA is worried about how you present yourself on the stand.
03:25Why? I'm fine on the stand.
03:27Look, I'll make this real simple so even these dum-dums can understand.
03:31Man did crime.
03:33I'm sorry, can you make her stop doing that weird thing with her face?
03:37Crime?
03:38And when this is over, I'm gonna find you and I'm gonna break those little fingers.
03:44Ms. Diaz, please stop threatening the stenographer.
03:48This is an important case. You need to do well.
03:51Fine, I'll take your dumb ass seminar.
03:53That's the spirit!
03:57Someone has placed tiny scanners inside ATMs to steal card numbers and pins, which they sell on the internet.
04:03Oh, good God. Why do you smell like an ashtray?
04:05Oh, sorry, Mom.
04:07It's the only way I can cope with the stress of the job.
04:16Anyway, we're running an algorithm to comb through the transactions looking for a pattern which will lead us to the
04:21perp's IP address.
04:22Got it. Boring mumbo jumbo.
04:25Well, you could think of the algorithm as a boot and the IP address as some poor slob's skull, you
04:30know?
04:30We used to call guys who bragged about sitting around all day hair bags.
04:37Except for Detective Finaldi.
04:39He had to sit around all day.
04:41A mafia thug pried both his kneecaps off with a crowbar.
04:44God, so lucky.
04:46This kind of data-driven police work has reduced crime by over 70%.
04:49I know hair bag work when I see it.
04:52Do me a favor, wake me when your shift is over.
04:58No way.
05:02That is amazing.
05:04All you need is for a jury to like you.
05:06If they like you, they'll trust you.
05:08Fine.
05:09How do I get these morons to like me?
05:13Don't call them morons.
05:14Good instinct!
05:15Okay.
05:16Sit up straight.
05:17Be aware of your hands.
05:19Okay?
05:19Don't be afraid to smile.
05:20And if you need to buy time, you can always just say, to be perfectly candid.
05:23To be perfectly candid.
05:26I like that.
05:27And always make good eye contact.
05:29But don't stare at people.
05:30Yeah.
05:31You gotta blink.
05:32But don't blink too much.
05:33Or too fast.
05:33I think the bigger worry is slow blinks.
05:35Don't blink too fast or too slow or too much or too little.
05:37I know how to blink.
05:39Quick question, sir.
05:41You know how we've been trading favors back and forth and it's your turn to give me one?
05:44None of that is true.
05:45Yeah, I know.
05:46Please, can I jump onto a sweet mob-related homicide?
05:48There are no sweet mob-related homicides on which to jump.
05:52Boom!
05:53There's one at the 7-3.
05:54Maybe I should roll over there.
05:56Help out.
05:56Brogan can tag along.
05:57Maybe write some stuff down.
05:58Why do you idolize that man and the time he wrote about?
06:01Because the 70s were amazing.
06:02I mean, everyone had thick juicy mustaches and all the clothes were orange and flammable.
06:07The 70s were not a good time for the city or for the department.
06:10Corruption, brutality, sexism.
06:12Diaz or Santiago never would have made detective.
06:14And an openly gay man like me, I never would have been given a command.
06:16There were very few black detectives.
06:18Did I ever tell you what my first day on the job was like?
06:24Hello, I'm Raymond Holt.
06:26Are you here to turn yourself in?
06:29Oh yeah, that's really messed up.
06:31But the guys that Brogan wrote about, they were great detectives.
06:34I mean, they were legit.
06:34Some of them were legit.
06:36Some of them were just Brogan's drinking buddies.
06:40Sir, that is a brilliant idea.
06:42It wasn't an idea.
06:42It was a scathing indictment of your personal hero.
06:44Eh, six of one.
06:47This is the best.
06:48Drinking with Jimmy Brogan.
06:50So tell me more about Quig.
06:52Could he really light a matchstick on his face?
06:53One time during a drug bust, he had one of his fingers shot off.
06:57He didn't even flinch.
06:58He just picked it up and used it to flip off every Puerto Rican in the place.
07:02And that's my cue. It's late.
07:05Are you kidding?
07:05The old guard drank till dawn, ate some coffee grounds, and started the whole day all over again.
07:11I eat coffee grounds.
07:13Sure you do, pineapples.
07:14How about another round?
07:15Are you kidding me?
07:16I want to hang with you till one of us dies.
07:18Look, I'm tired of talking.
07:20Why don't you tell me some of your stories?
07:22Great.
07:22Because I got some stories that'll make Training Day look like Super Troopers.
07:28Eh, snap.
07:29Bartender, two scotches.
07:30Got it.
07:32No, no.
07:33He meant two bottles.
07:34What?
07:34I mean, yeah.
07:36Here you go.
07:38All right.
07:43You'll never get me!
07:44You'll never get me!
07:46We already got you, idiot.
07:47Look who's here.
07:49How was your night of old school drinking, hmm?
07:52Pretty hungover?
07:54Shh.
07:54Turn off your mouth siren.
07:57Here are the texts I got from you last night.
07:59Oh.
07:59Best night ever.
08:01Why Scotch burns so good.
08:03Was his name in Serpico?
08:05Who's the friend of yours with the ping pong?
08:08And lastly, a picture of you on the subway platform eating Chinese chicken salad with no shirt on.
08:13Ha.
08:15Well, last night was awesome.
08:17We had an epic night of bonding that I will never forget.
08:21Do it!
08:22I believe in you.
08:26Throw it!
08:27I believe in you!
08:29Man, I wonder if Brogan's okay.
08:31He's 65 and drank two bottles of scotch.
08:34He might be dead.
08:35He looks fine to me.
08:35Morning, kid.
08:37How you doing?
08:38Oh, hey.
08:39So good.
08:40I feel great and I definitely don't think it's burning hot in here.
08:44Well, I'm around.
08:45Grab me if anything develops in your case.
08:47You got it.
08:49That hurts so bad.
08:50Let me know when he's gone so I can slide onto the nice cool floor.
08:52He's gone.
08:53Great.
08:59Oh, my whole body has dry mouth.
09:04Why are we meeting in the ladies room?
09:06It's the perfect place for our second lesson.
09:08Courthouse wardrobe.
09:09What's wrong with the way I dress?
09:11You know, some people might say that all the black leather kind of makes you look like an evil villain.
09:16Not me.
09:17I think you look like a sexy motorcycle.
09:21Boyle, pull it together.
09:23Yeah.
09:24We need to soften up your look.
09:25My wife and Charles' mom donated some clothes.
09:29Your wife and Boyle's mom are both blind.
09:34I look like Arsenio.
09:36So it's perfect?
09:40That's actually my wedding suit.
09:42No.
09:44Yes.
09:45No.
09:48That's great.
09:49Perfect.
09:50You look beautifully appropriate for court.
09:57Scully.
09:58Hey, Jake.
09:59You've been alive forever.
10:00How'd you use to cure hangovers?
10:02Oh, I didn't drink.
10:03I was, however, extremely into cocaine for most of 1986.
10:07I gotta tell you the truth, Hitchcock.
10:08Can I tell you the truth?
10:09You and me, man, we're gonna be co-captains.
10:11But first, I'm taking you to Japan.
10:14I'm already packed.
10:15I had three heart attacks that year and declared bankruptcy.
10:18Hitchcock turned out just fine.
10:21My grandpa was an old-school cop.
10:23This was his hangover cure.
10:25Raw egg yolks.
10:28You look like a corpse we just pulled out of the river.
10:31Wrong.
10:31I look like a cool rock star who OD'd in his own pool.
10:34Big difference.
10:35I told you not to let Jimmy Brogan distract you from your work.
10:37So I assume you're not too hungover to do said work?
10:41Nope.
10:42Looks like I never even drank.
10:43And that's not a hangover cure.
10:45What, that?
10:45Nah, it's just some protein for my guns.
10:50I drink one every morning before I lift.
10:53So...
11:00So good!
11:02You can barely even tell it's a chicken embryo.
11:05You should drink it all.
11:07For your guns.
11:12Yeah.
11:20It's just like fitness, right?
11:22Mhm.
11:25Oh, why did I do this?
11:27According to your text, you were having the beef light of my loaf.
11:31What?
11:32No, no.
11:32Why did I use this algorithm?
11:34We're only tracking people who use the stolen cards.
11:36They might not be the same as the ones who stole them.
11:38Here, switch seats with me.
11:43Oh, wow.
11:44Your butt's really warm.
11:46My butt's normal.
11:47Your butt's the weird one.
11:48Don't be mad.
11:48It's nice.
11:49Alright, so if we ignore all these fraudulent purchases and go back far enough...
11:53Here.
11:54Someone posted the stolen card numbers online from this IP address.
11:58Not bad.
11:59You found the pattern.
12:00Alright.
12:01Let's aspirin up and roll out.
12:03Ugh!
12:04Ugh!
12:07I'm glad you could be here for this.
12:12Hello?
12:13My cow, Brooke.
12:14NYPD, open up.
12:15Put your head through the door.
12:17My head?
12:19You gotta run out!
12:20Stop!
12:21NYPD!
12:21Into the air!
12:22Oh, it's loud.
12:29Yeah!
12:30Good job!
12:31Oh, I'm never drinking again.
12:34Hey!
12:35You know, I was gonna take him out myself, but ladies first, so...
12:39Relax, kid.
12:40Being too hungover to chase a perp?
12:42That's a classic old school move.
12:44You know, you are one of the last few good cops fighting against the rising tide of hairbags.
12:50Is what you're gonna say in your article?
12:51Ah, don't worry.
12:53You're gonna come out looking real good.
12:55Especially after our talk in the bar.
12:57So many good quotes.
12:59Especially about Holt.
13:01Cops are usually afraid to go after their captains like that.
13:04But you, sir, are old school.
13:08You know it.
13:11Oh, pineapples.
13:12What did you do?
13:16Your witness, counselor.
13:18Detective Diaz.
13:19It's always a pleasure to see you.
13:21It's not good.
13:22The lawyer is that slimeball Grundhaven.
13:24Rosa hates him.
13:25She's just right.
13:26We coast her.
13:27She'll be okay.
13:28Would you please state your name for the record?
13:31To be perfectly candid, my name is Detective Rosa Diaz.
13:35Well, thank you for your candor regarding your own name.
13:40Detective Diaz, would you please tell the court exactly how you were involved in this case?
13:44I caught Mr. Ladd physically beating his boss with a fax machine.
13:48Most of his cheek was caved in.
13:49His head was basically a blood fountain.
13:52I'm sorry, is this amusing to you, Ms. Diaz?
13:57Are you alright, Detective?
14:02Oh no, Brogan just sent me the quotes he's gonna run.
14:05I slammed Holt like 50 times.
14:07Listen, Holt would rather I wear a tie than solve a case.
14:11Holt cares more about catching clerical errors than catching bad guys.
14:15Holt is way too verticulous?
14:17That's not even a word.
14:19What were you thinking?
14:20We were just hanging out, being old school.
14:22He wasn't supposed to quote me, I was off the record the whole time.
14:26I don't know, wait.
14:27I'm going on the record!
14:29Jake Peralta can dance!
14:32Woo!
14:34Woo!
14:36Jimmy Brogan!
14:38Look, you need to fix this, okay?
14:40Those quotes cannot run.
14:42It would be devastating for Holt and the department.
14:45I'll fix it.
14:46Brogan's a cool guy.
14:47We're friends now.
14:48I'll just talk to him.
14:49Awesome dude to awesome dude.
14:51I should brush my teeth first though, right?
14:53Yeah, it's terrible.
14:57Great advice dummies, I look like a psycho up there.
14:59Yes, you have to pull it together.
15:01That's not helping.
15:02That's what Sartre says to me when I'm nervous.
15:04Rosa, I think you're nervous.
15:06Of course I'm nervous.
15:07What do you think was the problem?
15:08We just assumed you were a terrifying human being with a short fuse.
15:12But if the problem is that you're nervous, that's where Charles Boyle lives, baby.
15:16I can help.
15:17You just need to go to your happy place.
15:19What's that?
15:19Sounds stupid.
15:21Oh, everyone's happy place is different.
15:22For me, I just imagine I'm slipping up the world's longest piece of linguine.
15:26It just keeps going and going.
15:28Every 20 feet of noodle, there's a sauce change.
15:31I'm in my happy place right now.
15:34Mmm, pesto.
15:36Mmm, carbonara.
15:38Great.
15:39Now I'm starving.
15:44Hey, hey.
15:46Jimmy Brogan.
15:47Thanks for meeting me.
15:49Welcome to the Schmitz, kid.
15:51The most comfortable place on earth.
15:53It's like crawling back into your mother.
15:55Is that something people want to do?
15:57What do you want to talk to me about?
15:58Ah.
15:59So, I read those quotes you sent me, and you wrote them so good.
16:04The thing is, I know I hid it incredibly well, but I was pretty drunk when I said that stuff.
16:09So, any chance you wouldn't print it?
16:12Well, you said you were going on the record.
16:14I was clearly not in control.
16:16Well, maybe you should learn to handle your brown.
16:18Ew.
16:20Look, you know that I think you're like the number one hero of the 20th century.
16:24But, I kinda feel like you're being unfair here.
16:27Feel like?
16:28Listen to her.
16:29Suzanne Somers over here.
16:30Talk like a man.
16:31Alright, I will talk like a man.
16:33You got me drunk and took advantage of me.
16:34Oh, come on.
16:36Look, I'm asking you nicely.
16:38Please don't print the quotes.
16:40And I'm telling you nicely, I'm printing them.
16:42No, you're not.
16:45What are you gonna do about it?
16:51Hey, how'd it go broken?
16:53Perfect.
16:53Except I punched him in the face and made everything a billion times worse.
16:56What?
17:06So, Detective Diaz, you saw my client struggling with his boss, but you don't know who initiated
17:11the fight.
17:11To be perfectly candid, I was pretty sure it was a defendant.
17:15Yeah, to be perfectly candid, pretty sure is not definitive.
17:18I think I know what happened.
17:20Well, to be perfectly candid, no one cares what you think.
17:23Do you actually know anything, or are you just guessing?
17:29Your client instigated the fight.
17:31I'm certain.
17:33And I'm happy to tell you why.
17:36She went to her happy place.
17:37I know that, Boyle.
17:39You punched Jimmy Brogan?
17:41What were you thinking?
17:43I was thinking that I needed to protect this precinct from things that I said about this
17:47precinct to a reporter while drunk and insisting he record me.
17:50I shouldn't have done it.
17:51Unbelievable.
17:52Every time I think you might make a decent detective, you go and pull something like this.
17:55I thought I could handle my brown.
17:58I know, I'm sorry.
17:59This is gross.
18:00Go home!
18:01You got the rest of the day to put your head on straight.
18:11Got Hal Brook to cop to every charge.
18:13Nice work, Santiago.
18:14Thank you, sir.
18:16Peralta figured out the pattern, though, so he should get credit for the caller.
18:19Have you seen him?
18:20I sent him home.
18:21He assaulted Jimmy Brogan.
18:22Yeah, but that caveman kind of had it coming, don't you think?
18:27Oh.
18:28He didn't tell you.
18:29Tell me what?
18:29Never mind.
18:31If Jake didn't tell you, he must have had a reason.
18:33It's not my place.
18:34I'm disappointed in you, Santiago.
18:36I thought you and I were close.
18:39I know you're manipulating me.
18:42But I love it, and I will tell you anything.
18:45So, Jake went to the schvitz to talk to Brogan.
18:48What are you going to do?
18:49What are you going to do about it?
18:54There's nothing I can do, except to ask you nicely, as a fan of you, your work, and the
18:59guys you wrote about.
19:00Please don't print the quotes.
19:02I didn't realize you were going to get your panties all in a pretzel.
19:05That's actually not technically possible.
19:06I'm not wearing underwear.
19:07I'm just swampy in here, and my butt's like the Everglades.
19:10Look, I know you're trying to be legit in a hairbag world, so I will not print your quotes.
19:15Oh, thank you.
19:17That means the world to me.
19:18And for the record, I know that Holt is a stickler, but he's actually a really good cop.
19:23Don't worry about it.
19:24We're friends.
19:25You don't have to stick up for that homo.
19:30I really wish you had just said that.
19:32What?
19:32Homo?
19:34Thank you, Santiago.
19:35That'll be all.
19:40There she is.
19:44Diaz, you did it.
19:45They found him guilty on all charges.
19:47Huh.
19:47Well, his advice worked.
19:51So, where's your happy place?
19:53I'm in a cabin.
19:54In the middle of nowhere.
19:56Inside, it's just me and that stupid, slimy defense attorney.
20:00And I'm beating the hell out of him.
20:02I break a dining room table over his head.
20:04Then I rip off his arm and shove it where the sun don't shine.
20:08Then I reach down his throat and shake his hand.
20:16Yeah, okay.
20:18I'm gonna go ahead and schedule you for a psych eval.
20:22I owe you one, Boyle.
20:23Thank you, dinner.
20:24Tomorrow night.
20:25Grab all these.
20:25It's all you can eat linguine.
20:29Yes!
20:29Oh, my boyfriend's coming too.
20:31Your what, friend now?
20:36Alright.
20:37Let's hear it.
20:38Oh, it's even worse than I imagined.
20:40The new face of the NYPD is perfectly embodied by Brooklyn's own Jake Peralta.
20:46That's not so bad.
20:46Who cowers behind his desk all day like the true hair bag that he is.
20:50There it is.
20:51The old guard would have eaten a guy like Peralta for breakfast and unloaded him by lunch.
20:56Well, it's very colorful and hurtful.
20:59You can ignore that garbage, Santiago.
21:02Jimmy Brogan wouldn't know a legit cop if he punched him in the face.
21:11Well, guess I'm done with this.
21:16Not good enough.
21:17Three.
21:19Two.
21:20One.
21:24Welcome to the party, pal!
21:27I love that movie.
21:29It's Die Hard.
21:31From Yelon.
21:33Not a doctor.
21:34Shh.
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