- 1 day ago
First broadcast 22nd December 2008.
Stephen Fry
Alan Davies
Clive Anderson
Rob Brydon
Dom Joly
Stephen Fry
Alan Davies
Clive Anderson
Rob Brydon
Dom Joly
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:00Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho.
00:06God rest ye merry, ladies and gentlemen.
00:09And welcome to QI, Dust Off the Snow, take off your hats, scarves, and trousers, and
00:14join me as we gather round the flickering flames of fact and fallacy to examine the
00:19subjects of fire and freezing and helping me to stroke the embers and rummage excitedly
00:24in my stockings, tonight we have four festive fellows.
00:27It's a baptism of fire for Don Jolly.
00:34And crackling and sparking on all cylinders, Clive Anderson.
00:44Come home to a real fire by a cottage in Wales in the company of Rob Brydon.
00:56And hiding under the bedclothes, playing with matches, Alan Davies.
01:07Let it snow, let it snow, and let us know what you know.
01:10But before the party games begin, gentlemen, I have to ask you to jingle your bells.
01:15Dom goes...
01:18Chestnuts roasting at open fire.
01:21Nice.
01:22Clive goes...
01:23Come on, baby, light my fire.
01:27Come on, baby, light my fire.
01:31Rob goes...
01:33I am the god of hell fire!
01:35Thank you, fire!
01:39There's a fiery theme, isn't there? And Alan goes...
01:42Alan, you're a bloody disgrace.
01:44You're fired.
01:46They're fired! Oh, no!
01:48How disappointing!
01:53So...
01:55Now, here's one way to use fire.
01:59Indian smoke signals.
02:01Can you tell me what they're saying here?
02:05Well, they did actually, it's not going to turn out to be some myth that they never did smoke signals.
02:09No, indeed you might have expected it, but in fact it's quite genuine.
02:13It's considered probably the first language of North America was smoke signals and hand signals foreign.
02:17So what makes that different? I don't see the subtleties of it from just a bit of smoke.
02:23All you need to have is a bit of smoke and then not smoke. Do you see what I mean?
02:27If you left it alone, you'd get a column of smoke.
02:31But what they do is do puffs of smoke by having animal skins, not blankets, oddly enough.
02:35I know one used to think it was blankets, I think.
02:37But animal skins that you take away, and they can create immensely complicated, even V-shapes and things like that,
02:43using the blankets.
02:44Is this the same thing they do at the Vatican with the Pope? Or is it just not simple enough?
02:49Is that a more simple language?
02:50Very simple that, isn't it?
02:51It's just white smoke.
02:52It's either white or black.
02:54Right.
02:54They used to have used to add wet straw to make it black if they couldn't find a Pope.
02:57Black is what, for an African Pope?
03:01It's for not being able to, they have to tell the populace assembled in St. Peter's Square whether or not
03:05they've come to a decision.
03:06Since they've banned smoking in the Vatican, quite a lot of people hang out the window for a fag and
03:10it causes all sorts of times.
03:12If you're dead and Catholic priests hanging out for a fag, it seems so unlikely.
03:23If we run the film on, in fact it's two puffs that they give here.
03:28That's how-how.
03:29How-how.
03:29How-how.
03:30And two puffs means...
03:33All's well, apparently.
03:34Yes.
03:34It means everything's okay.
03:36Looks more like a question mark there, doesn't it?
03:38Oh, it does actually.
03:39Do they do grammar, or...?
03:43You should have got one of those light aircraft that can write in the sky.
03:47Just simple purchase.
03:49Free drinks.
03:50A word like that!
03:52You see, they're very ahead of you.
03:54They got good, didn't they?
03:55They did, they got good.
03:56The one before, I don't know if we can go back to it, but the one before, yes we can.
04:01With that one there, would you say, you say means all's well.
04:04Yeah.
04:04But of course, I mean that could so easily be the aftermath of this Indian's home going up in flames.
04:10And they'd look over the hill and they'd go, do you think that's, do you think that's our place?
04:14No, no, no, no, it says all's well.
04:16They just carry on their way.
04:17You're right, it is confusing.
04:18But we used to do this with these signal bonfires, didn't we?
04:21They went across the country.
04:22Absolutely right.
04:23They're going to get the same beacons.
04:24The same problem there.
04:24It might be, oh look, there's an invasion, or it could just be the great fire of London's happening and
04:29bring water.
04:30Oh yeah, if you accidentally set that into your beacon, that would be a disaster.
04:33Yeah.
04:33Is that before or after email?
04:37It's close.
04:38Yeah.
04:39Yeah.
04:40They were spamming though, you'd get endless.
04:43Do you want a bigger cock?
04:45What about men?
04:48Is that how you get a bigger cock, slapping it around like that?
04:51I think with me it would have the opposite effect, to be honest.
04:54I think you find it works for a while.
04:59Oh heavens, yes.
05:01Well anyway, Indian smoke signals varied from time to time and place to place.
05:05But one puff generally meant just hello.
05:08Now we can all take our hats off, as I ask another question.
05:12So, we've provided you with a more sophisticated signaling device, which you've got in front of you in fact.
05:16And we've given you a little booklet about each.
05:19Dom, why didn't you try flirting with Rob based on this?
05:24Because what they've got in front of them, ladies and gentlemen, is they have a little booklet.
05:30They have a little booklet describing the language of fans.
05:34What are you saying, Dom?
05:36I'll tell you.
05:37I'll tell you what he's saying.
05:38He is saying, I am having a fit, the tablets are in my top pocket.
05:43No, he's saying.
05:45Okay.
05:46Oh my God.
05:46I love another.
05:47Yes, I love another.
05:49Oh my.
05:50Oh, and he's looking at Adam.
05:51No, no.
05:51Right, okay.
05:52Not that chap next to you.
05:53As you see, it's very complex.
05:56Do not betray our secret.
06:02I've got one for you.
06:03Ready?
06:07Slow closing.
06:09Shut up.
06:10Oh, I promised to marry you.
06:13Do you know anything about the language of fans?
06:15Where it came from?
06:16What time there was such a thing as a language of fans?
06:18I'm guessing it was from Belgium.
06:20From Belgium?
06:21Yeah.
06:22Well, you're not far off, aren't you?
06:23I'd say it's from Yorkshire.
06:27Can you imagine that?
06:28Feel.
06:32And what if you're just a bit hot, and you suddenly realise you're saying,
06:35Hello, I love you.
06:35Come over here.
06:38Do you swallow?
06:40Whatever.
06:41Sorry.
06:44It's not into you.
06:46It's Christmas.
06:47It's Christmas.
06:48I've got the Christmas spirit in here.
06:51I'm very sorry.
06:52And I promise.
06:52And who's that come from?
06:53Usually, you're the ones who drag the...
06:55Can I?
06:55If it nosedives into the carnal, it's going to be my fault tonight.
06:59No, actually, the thing about the language of fans is that fans, you're quite right,
07:02did come over from China to Europe via Italy, as so much did after Marco Polo.
07:07But, in fact, it was quite a late 19th century invention.
07:10It was a French fan house, a maker of fans called Duvalois.
07:15And they produced a little booklet with this language of fans in order to try and make it sort of
07:19a...
07:19French fan house.
07:20Is that a euphemism for some?
07:23Maison de l'éventail.
07:24I don't know, maybe it was, maybe it wasn't.
07:26It took over from the language of the baguette, which was in use before.
07:31Rather more basic language, exactly.
07:33Yeah, so there we are, fans.
07:35Obviously, every lady had a fan in those days, in the 18th and 19th centuries.
07:39But in order, I think, to help the sales of their fans, they invented this language.
07:43Basically, the language of the fan.
07:45Now, what happened to the fireman's pole?
07:49Tiled!
07:50What?
07:52He tiled the fireman's bathroom.
08:00Very good.
08:02Very good.
08:05How much time does it save to go down a pole?
08:08They've got to drive half the while across the town anyway to get there.
08:12That's true.
08:12Half a second off the...
08:13Just walk down the stairs.
08:14Why don't they have a slide, like in the park?
08:16Oh, that would be fun.
08:17They could have a swirly slide, or even a water slide.
08:20It'd be a good way of getting young farmen in, wouldn't it?
08:23Yeah.
08:23Getting them trained.
08:24It was probably a health and safety thing, I would imagine.
08:28Oh, God.
08:29Is it really?
08:31No, you see...
08:32Health and safety gone bad.
08:33That's the new political correctness gone bad.
08:35It can't be.
08:36There was a series of stories in the newspapers that, like, sent you just to make things up.
08:40In order to get us all angry in the morning, they claimed that, you know,
08:44firemen's poles were being taken out because of health and safety.
08:47And it's just...
08:48It's the whole reason.
08:50Most new fire stations are built on one floor, so they don't arise.
08:53But in all ones where they exist, they're there.
08:54And if they build one with two floors, they get their poles.
08:57But surely that's the main reason you become a fireman.
08:59It is, yeah.
08:59You go down the pole.
09:00It's not like, I want to be a fireman so that I might die in a fire.
09:03It's, I want to go down the pole, and maybe one night,
09:06I'll bring a special friend back and share with the pole, and...
09:09You're absolutely right, in fact.
09:10You demand an extra floor on the fire.
09:12That's my story, and I'm sticking to it, so...
09:14Do you know where the longest pole is in Europe, fireman's pole?
09:18And how long would you think it might be?
09:19What's the maximum length?
09:2048 feet, I would guess.
09:22That's not...
09:2264 feet.
09:23No, 40 foot, actually.
09:24There's a 40-footer in Birmingham, and it's the biggest in Europe.
09:27That's the limit, isn't it?
09:28No, maybe a bigger one in America, I believe.
09:30That's really quite high.
09:31It is quite high, 40 foot, yeah.
09:32Well, you're really going to take the skin off your hands by the time you get off the ground.
09:34So, if you picture that squeaky noise, and it makes your teeth go on edge, doesn't it?
09:38Do they tail cup, like the way...
09:39They should do, shouldn't they?
09:41Do they teach a technique of coming down the pole?
09:44Is it just hands?
09:45Because they all seem to be doing...
09:46I think the thighs have to exert pressure.
09:48I must say, there are a hell of a lot of firefighters.
09:52The driver of the fire engine is there, going, no, I can't go here.
09:55I've got to go here.
09:57Meanwhile, the whole family is burning to death.
10:01Well, apparently, it's because they sometimes, literally, are still pulling on their trousers,
10:04and the running downstairs doing that, of course, is much more dangerous than doing down a pole,
10:08where you can just sort of hold them up and go down the pole and put them on.
10:11You really are, and obviously, every second can save a life.
10:14I don't understand why the firemen are always completely caught out by the fact that...
10:17Ian, it's like, what? A fire?
10:20Oh, my God!
10:22Quick, quick!
10:24All undressed.
10:25Were the poles always made of shiny metal?
10:28Were there early versions that splintered and...
10:30Oh!
10:31Oh, nasty.
10:32Well, they must have experimented with materials.
10:33A flammable pole, don't be absurd.
10:35They'd always stuck up there with a pole on fire.
10:37No one would have put it out.
10:39It was insurance companies that invented firemen.
10:42You're absolutely right.
10:44I think you should get some points to that, Clive, because you're completely correct.
10:46Things like the Sun was one of the biggest, now the Royal Sun Alliance,
10:49that started as a fire insurance company.
10:51And what would happen was, you'd pay the insurance to the company,
10:55and they would send you a brass plaque which you would set into the wall of your house.
10:59So, if there was a fire, what tended to happen was lots of different brigades came from different insurance companies,
11:04and they read the plaque, and if you hadn't paid, they wouldn't put your fire out,
11:07unless you happened to be next to someone else who had.
11:10Because, you know, if you got a fire, the chances of the fire would spread to them.
11:14I think it's one of the worst things I can imagine is your house is on fire,
11:16and they turn out and won't put it out.
11:17I know, can you imagine that?
11:18That would make me annoying.
11:19Would they stay and kind of roast marshmallows, or would they just drive straight off?
11:23They'd stay there with the house going, yeah.
11:25Or sort of saying...
11:26Or they'd stay there with water pouring out.
11:28So he's saying, since we're here, if you paid for the next time,
11:32we might as well collect now.
11:34Think again with your premiums.
11:35It's not the fire that kills people.
11:37I don't know if you're aware of this.
11:38Fire doesn't kill people.
11:39No.
11:40Well, it does, Clive, of course.
11:41You're not going to tie me up in legalese here.
11:45I'm not going to get all heated up, which is what you want to happen.
11:49You didn't say fire doesn't kill people.
11:52You said it's not the fire that kills people.
11:54Your lordship is absolutely right.
11:58But I was just exploring a little bit of this.
12:00The notion that the fire was in some way not deadly.
12:03It's not the fire that kills the people.
12:07Generally.
12:07It's a byproduct of the fire.
12:08And I wonder if any of you know what that byproduct is.
12:11Is it the flame?
12:13Is it the slinky?
12:15It's not the slinky, Stephen, but it's a good try.
12:18No.
12:18Clive, you were right.
12:20Smoke.
12:20It's the smoke.
12:22And what happens is smoke doesn't burn you.
12:26So I know what you're thinking.
12:26Well, how on earth could...
12:28Could...
12:28No.
12:29What smoke does, and this is where it gets interesting.
12:32It chokes you.
12:34And if we choke, what can't we do?
12:36Breathe.
12:36We can't breathe.
12:37We can't breathe.
12:38And if we can't breathe, what do we do, Dom?
12:40We die.
12:41We die.
12:42Yes.
12:43Yes.
12:48There's a thing called a flashpoint in which...
12:52Now, I don't know where I learned this.
12:53Well, I might have been in a film.
12:55It might have been from a really terrifying fire safety talk
12:58that we've given at primary school.
13:00Which is the one thing I really remember about that is
13:02when you strike a match, strike it away from you.
13:04Yes.
13:05Because otherwise the head will come off and set light to
13:07particularly if you're a granny.
13:08Whoa!
13:09That guy told me what?
13:10Tell us a story about someone's grandma who'd burn to death.
13:13Because urine, urine is flammable if it stays on your clothes.
13:17No, this is true.
13:18This is true.
13:20There's something in urine if it stays on your clothes long enough
13:23becomes flammable.
13:24So grandmothers who are not well maintained...
13:27It's true.
13:28Particularly vulnerable to a...
13:29Particularly vulnerable to an arsonist who's looking for...
13:32That's a measure of how mean people are.
13:34They won't even pee on you if you're...
13:36If you're on fire.
13:37That's an Australian phrase, isn't it?
13:38Yes.
13:39I wouldn't piss up his ass if his kidneys were on fire.
13:42So...
13:43Well, wonderful.
13:44Thank you for all that information about fire and smoke
13:47and goodness knows what else.
13:48Now, what's the worst thing you can do if you're a fire eater?
13:54Well, there are vegetarian restaurants, aren't there,
13:57where you can't get meat.
13:58Yeah.
13:59So, if you're a fire in restaurants, I think.
14:02Yes.
14:02Qualify.
14:03Nothing wrong with that centre, so far.
14:05No, no, no.
14:07There are vegetarian restaurants where you can't get meat.
14:11To quote the great judge John Cleese, thank you for...
14:14What's your specialist subject?
14:16The bleeding obvious.
14:18Okay.
14:18I was...
14:19You know about...
14:20You've heard about these...
14:21Apparently, these vegetarian restaurants where they don't serve meat.
14:23I was...
14:23I thought it was an uncontroversial point, that in vegetarian restaurants,
14:26you can't get...
14:27You can't eat meat because they don't serve meat.
14:28No, they don't.
14:29You can't.
14:29I believe that's right.
14:29So, there may be restaurants that don't serve fire.
14:33So, if you were a fire eater, there'd be no point in going to these restaurants.
14:37And ordering fire.
14:38This is a simple point I was trying to make, but I was interrupted rather by the way.
14:43I had a nice plate of fire, please.
14:45Yes.
14:45And that wouldn't work.
14:45I would have thought, at a Christmas event, if a fire eater was thinking,
14:49I haven't shown my family this skill, and there was a urine-soaked granary,
14:54and we'd been brought out of the home just for a day for Christmas,
14:58because that would probably not be the time to say,
15:01so what are you up to now?
15:03Bruno.
15:06Well, basically, I mean, I don't know if you know much about fire eating.
15:08There isn't really much to know.
15:10What you see is what they do.
15:11It really is as bad as it looks.
15:12I mean, they mostly have mouths filled with blisters and ulcers.
15:16It's a very unpleasant thing to do.
15:17Do you eat the fire?
15:17And they hurt themselves.
15:19Basically, what you shouldn't do is breathe in.
15:21They have this condition.
15:22It's fire eater's lung, which is obviously, as you can imagine,
15:24an absolutely horrific condition.
15:27It's like farmer's lung, and there's no subsidy.
15:29Exactly.
15:30Because basically, it's fire spitting rather than fire.
15:32Yeah, and that's, no matter how careful they are, they ingest the lighter fluid, which is toxic.
15:37Or if you had plastic false teeth, or wooden false teeth, which I think we've discussed in this program,
15:41that would be a disaster, because they would catch fire.
15:43They would catch fire.
15:43That would be awful.
15:44And the smoke would then...
15:46Smoke?
15:46Yeah.
15:46Yeah, which is like...
15:49It wouldn't be the fire, you see.
15:52Well, anyway, perhaps the most important piece of advice to the fire eater is do not inhale.
15:56Now, it's time to retire from the fire and brave the cold.
16:00Now, what are the advantages and disadvantages of a mile-long aircraft carrier made from ice and sawdust?
16:08Ah.
16:09Radar.
16:10I put it to you that, um...
16:14Move on.
16:15Move on.
16:16Yeah.
16:17You've got a good point there.
16:18That's a good point.
16:18I was wondering, you see, I was wondering if they're undetectable by radar.
16:23That must be...
16:24It's a nice thought.
16:24I don't think that's true.
16:26At the size they were planned, and this was a genuine plan in Britain by a man called Pike,
16:31after whom the substance is named.
16:33Yes, I know.
16:34Don't tell him your name Pike.
16:35I know.
16:36It's named Pike with a Y.
16:38And the substance is known as pikerete.
16:41It's stronger than steel.
16:43I'm not kidding you.
16:44It's just ice.
16:44Till the temperature goes up.
16:45Well, no, but that's the other thing, is it doesn't melt.
16:48They tested it for a whole summer in a lake, and it didn't melt.
16:51Mountbatten was obsessed by the idea, and he took a lump of it in to see Churchill,
16:55and the story goes Churchill was in his bath.
16:57Churchill often took meetings while in his bath, and he threw it into his bath,
17:00and said, there, Winston.
17:02And Churchill watched in his hot bath, and it didn't melt, this piece of ice.
17:05It did not melt.
17:06It stayed frozen.
17:07But because it landed on his nuts, he said, I'm not going ahead with that.
17:14Well, the idea was to build aircraft carriers, literally, with guns on them.
17:18That was the fun.
17:19I mean, it seems absolutely barking.
17:21I agree.
17:22But it was only the Normandy landings that stopped us building such things.
17:25That, the picture, because it looks like the cover of a magazine, where they might say,
17:31if you like ice, and you like aircraft carriers, you'll love iced aircraft carrier monthly.
17:38It builds up into a wonderful collection.
17:41Can I say, I do like ice, and I like aircraft carriers, and I do get that magazine,
17:45and that's not an aircraft carrier.
17:46That's a destroyer.
17:47You're right.
17:47That is a destroyer.
17:49Oh, yes of course.
17:50Very good.
17:51Yes.
17:53Absolutely right, actually.
17:55That's no kind of aircraft carrier, isn't it?
17:56There's no magazine for those people.
17:58And I'll tell you something else.
18:00It's not the aircraft carrier that will kill you.
18:02It's the destroyer.
18:03Yeah.
18:04Yeah.
18:05Anyway, the 300-foot wide, 2,000-foot long, mid-Atlantic runways would have contained
18:10giant refrigerators to keep the ice ship cool.
18:13Holes in a piecrete ship could be repaired by using seawater.
18:18And the icy aircraft carriers were also designed to be able to immobilize enemy warships
18:22by spraying them with supercooled water.
18:24Yes.
18:24Was it the idea of Professor Pat Pending from the Wacky Races?
18:27Yes.
18:30Anyway, during World War II, plans really were drawn up for a huge aircraft carrier made
18:35from piecrete.
18:37Now, as we're in the Christmas spirit, let's have a little sing-song.
18:40What's everybody's favourite bit in that traditional song, The Twelve Days of Christmas?
18:46Which is your favourite bit?
18:47Lord's Leaping.
18:49For me, it's the gold rings.
18:51Yeah.
18:51Yeah.
18:52Five gold rings.
18:58How can that be wrong if you're asked what his favourite...
19:02He's leading the witness.
19:03Oh, I asked what his...
19:04Oh, five gold.
19:06No, I asked what his favourite bit was in the traditional English song,
19:09and it's not traditional, it's a recent edition.
19:11There's a man called Austin who wrote that arrangement in which it went,
19:15five gold rings, and that bit alone is copyright and belongs to Novello,
19:20and you pay for.
19:21What, so you've just blown the BBC's budget.
19:23The whole thing's...
19:24It's a bit like Happy Birthday to you.
19:26You can't sing or whatever in films, or at least if you do, you have to pay enormous royalties
19:30because the lyrics are still not in public domain.
19:33I was told at school that it was code.
19:35It was supposed to be an Ed Memoir to something.
19:39Yeah.
19:39I don't know what.
19:40Well, there are these games you can play that are, like, in my trunk I'm going to pack,
19:44and the first person says the pair of swimming trunks, and the second one says a pair of swimming trunks
19:48and a book.
19:48So it's that thing, it's a memory thing.
19:50There's a version I play called Christopher Biggins has up his bottom tonight.
19:53And you have to remember the person.
19:56You go Christopher Biggins has up his bottom tonight, and you go Arnold Schwarzenegger,
19:59and the next person says Christopher Biggins has up his bottom tonight, Arnold Schwarzenegger,
20:03and it has to begin with the last letter of Schwarzenegger.
20:06And...
20:07Rodney Bewes.
20:08Rodney Bewes, exactly.
20:09Christopher Biggins has up his bottom tonight, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Rodney Bewes,
20:13and then the next person goes Christopher Biggins has up his bottom tonight.
20:15Steve Davis, the snooker player.
20:18And you go on until you can't remember, and you get a huge list.
20:22Simon Schaumer.
20:22That's...
20:24And you usually find that Christopher is...
20:26Anthony Andrews.
20:28Christopher is astoundingly accommodating, that's the great thing about the game.
20:32And it goes on, it's a fun party game, I can't recommend it.
20:35Is this why he was made King of the Jungle?
20:38For this particular skill?
20:40Well, the fact is, the song Twelfth Days of Christmas is a traditional, non-copyright song,
20:45with the exception of Five Girl-Old Rings,
20:48which was added by Frederick Austin and is owned by Novello and Company Limited.
20:52And with that, we lash out of the frying pan of knowledge,
20:55only to descend into the fearsome inferno of the fire and brimstone
20:59that we call...
21:00General Ignorance, fingers on buzzers, please.
21:02What happens when you blow out the candles on your birthday cake?
21:05You're fired.
21:09That's the first time I've ever been over.
21:13And you make a wish.
21:16Well...
21:16Yeah.
21:17Ha! Gotcha!
21:20You urge a little closer to the grave,
21:21because wasn't it Richard Burton who said that when a baby...
21:24when a baby cries, its first cry as it is born,
21:27he's crying out knowing...
21:29Shutter!
21:37You wouldn't know a good impression if it's sat on your face.
21:42The baby, when he cries from palm birth,
21:44he's crying full of knowledge...
21:46I can't remember the rest of it, but something like that...
21:52Anyway...
21:52Yes, no, obviously people make wishes and things like that,
21:55but why does the flame extinguish when you blow it out?
21:58You blow the flame off the wick and it's then disconnected...
22:00and harmless in the air...
22:02and it goes out.
22:03It's like an Indian smoke signal.
22:04Yeah, there are three things that keep it alight, right?
22:08Oxygen, heat...
22:08Oxygen is one...
22:09Oxygen, heat...
22:10Heat is the other...
22:11Wink...
22:11And the fuel that needs...
22:12Yes, okay.
22:13So, you simply remove it from the heat,
22:16but if you had a wick made of something that burnt at a very low temperature,
22:20then no matter how much you blew it out,
22:22it wouldn't go out,
22:23which explains those silly trick candles.
22:26Yeah?
22:26How come if you used bellows on a fire?
22:28That's to encourage the flame, isn't it?
22:30Blowing into a fire is lovely because you...
22:32You get it...
22:33Ooh, up it comes.
22:34I wonder what Richard Burton would make of it.
22:36Ooh, look at the fire, growing taller than...
22:38All right, never mind.
22:40If you come from the same...
22:41You from...
22:42I'm from the same town as Richard Burton and Anthony Hopkins.
22:45And Michael Sheen, another great young man.
22:47And Michael Sheen, of course, brilliant.
22:48And Michael Sheen, of course, brilliant.
22:48In fact, my father grew up in the same street,
22:51literally the same street as Anthony Hopkins.
22:53Yeah.
22:53In England, we live in houses.
22:58Sorry.
22:58Sorry.
23:01Um...
23:01Oh, look up here.
23:02Anyway.
23:04Um...
23:05Fire...
23:05Fire needs three things to work.
23:07Heat, fuel, and oxygen.
23:09Um...
23:11Oh, dear.
23:12Oh!
23:12Has the fire gone out between us, darling, has it?
23:15Oh, no.
23:16Oh!
23:18Oh, you want to...
23:19What does this mean?
23:22You've always put some big in, is it?
23:26Fire needs three things to work.
23:28It needs heat, fuel, and oxygen.
23:30When you blow out a candle, it's a sudden drop in temperature,
23:32and that's what causes the flame to go out.
23:34From heat back to cold.
23:35You know how sometimes it can be too cold to snow?
23:38Yeah?
23:42Is that a question?
23:43Yeah.
23:44You know how it can be too cold to snow?
23:45Yes, because you need some moisture.
23:52Well, thank you.
23:52You really hate me, don't you?
23:53No, not you.
23:55No, the fact is it can't be too cold.
23:56It's the thing people say it's too cold to snow.
23:59Oh, no.
24:00Hang on, he tried to get us first.
24:02Where were you?
24:02He didn't move.
24:03I've been on this programme a few times,
24:05and I know whatever you say at this point,
24:07it's always, that's going to happen.
24:08And you think you know that you might be helping Steve.
24:09Normally I talk to talk on these programmes like this,
24:11you just have to stick around.
24:14You said it.
24:15You said it too slow.
24:16And my little head, I went,
24:17God, I wouldn't have thought so, but...
24:22And I went, well, I'm going to join in then, yes.
24:25Anyway, now the fact is,
24:26it snow's been recorded at minus 41,
24:28minus 50 degrees.
24:30There's only one temperature which is too cold to snow,
24:32but then it's too cold to do anything.
24:34Nothing moves.
24:34Absolutely zero.
24:35My favourite temperature,
24:36before we get that low, is minus 40.
24:38Because in centigrade and Fahrenheit,
24:40they're the same.
24:41They meet.
24:41What a thrill.
24:43Isn't that exciting?
24:46What I do want to do is,
24:47I want to give a couple of points to Rob,
24:48because he is right that it's less likely to snow
24:52when there is less moisture,
24:53and there is less moisture when it is very cold.
24:55So...
24:55But it's not ever too cold to snow.
24:58Talk to the face,
24:59cos the hand ain't the snow.
25:03Oh, dear.
25:04Anyway, nowhere on Earth can ever be too cold for snow.
25:07For instance,
25:08regularly snows at the poles where it's colder
25:09than anywhere else on Earth.
25:10So now we come to the great moment of truth,
25:13when our panellists are rewarded for having been good
25:16or possibly not having been good,
25:18this QI Christmas.
25:19And what do we see before us?
25:21Santa's favourite little helper this year,
25:24on eight points,
25:25is Clive Anderson!
25:30We do help Clive in our...
25:32I think it's a team game.
25:33It was a team game.
25:33And,
25:34in second place,
25:36deserving of so much,
25:37so much support,
25:39because he's just really improving every year
25:41on minus six,
25:42Alan Davies!
25:48And,
25:50third,
25:51despite falling into a few honey traps,
25:53on minus eight,
25:54Rob Brydon!
25:57Oh,
25:58yeah,
25:58yeah,
25:58yeah,
25:59I know.
25:59Well,
26:00I'm sorry to say that the cold Brussels sprout
26:02on this occasion,
26:03with minus 16,
26:05because he's trusting and confiding in a jolly good fellow,
26:09Dom,
26:09on minus 16.
26:16So,
26:18all that remains is for me to thank Clive, Rob, Dom and Alan,
26:22and relate to a Christmas scene in a galaxy far, far away,
26:25where Darth Vader says to Luke,
26:27Luke,
26:28I know what you're getting for Christmas.
26:31Whatever noise he makes.
26:33And Luke says,
26:33no,
26:33you can't possibly know,
26:34I know what you're getting for Christmas.
26:37You can't know,
26:38it's not true.
26:39I know what you're getting for Christmas.
26:42How can you know?
26:42I have felt your presence.
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