- 19 hours ago
First broadcast 23rd December 2003.
Stephen Fry
Alan Davies
John Sessions
Sean Lock
Phill Jupitus
Stephen Fry
Alan Davies
John Sessions
Sean Lock
Phill Jupitus
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:00Hello and welcome to this special Christmas shopping coach trip and office lunch edition of QI,
00:07which, as tradition dictates, takes place in mid-November.
00:10Let's meet the people who are going to be sick on the pavement later.
00:14Phil Jupitus, John Sessions, Sean Lock and Alan Davis.
00:25Now, the four rules of Christmas are we're going to be a bit disappointed by what we get from each
00:30other.
00:31There'll be the usual long rambling argument.
00:33One of us will go out in a sulk about losing and it'll all go on much too long.
00:38Each of you has been given a strange, unwanted present by a mad aunt.
00:43Phil's goes.
00:46And John's goes.
00:50Sean's goes.
00:54Alan goes.
00:59And I go to the lavatory having eaten too many figs.
01:02Now, seconds out, fists clenched on those buzzers.
01:06What would you do with a bag of gripples at Christmas?
01:12Phil, you'd be the most popular person at an S&M Christmas party.
01:18It's the gripple.
01:19It grips.
01:23The gripples have arrived.
01:24The gripples have arrived.
01:26It sounds to me, it sounds a bit northern.
01:29It's got, because it sounds to me something like pork scratchings.
01:31Because you know like pork scratchings, originally you weren't supposed to eat them.
01:34Absolutely, yes.
01:35Yeah, originally they were like, you just put them together, you got a bag of them at Christmas, and it
01:38was like a sort of pig Meccano set.
01:42All the pork scratchings together, and you'd have a whole pig.
01:47And water starts round and about.
01:50Well, if I said gripple, if I wrote gripple, I'd probably have to put R with a circle round after
01:55it.
01:56Which would mean what?
01:58A circle round your R.
01:59Oh dear.
02:01Oh dear.
02:01Why?
02:02Can I turn for sanity?
02:04But is that a mathematical circle?
02:05What's a circle round an army?
02:06Oh, a registered trademark, dear.
02:08Oh.
02:09The only time I've heard the word before was when I saw an evangelical ventriloquist saying,
02:13And Judas healed the gripples.
02:17It's the only time I've heard it before.
02:19You can't have a bag of them.
02:21Well, at Christmas time, you would use it in one of London's main thoroughfares.
02:25What happens famously in London at Christmas time?
02:28A gripple.
02:28Lights.
02:29Lights in Regent Street.
02:30It's a technical sort of...
02:31Use gripples.
02:31Something rather like a bulldog clip.
02:34Oh, yes.
02:34Hold on, not like Christmas time.
02:36I'll give you five points for that.
02:37It's a gripping device.
02:38It's a gripping device.
02:39It's a gripping device.
02:39It's the longest fence in the world uses gripples.
02:42Does it?
02:43Yeah.
02:43What's the longest...
02:44I'll give you an extra two points if you can determine the longest fence in the world.
02:46The great fence of China.
02:49It's to keep people off the Great Wall.
02:55Australia.
02:56Yeah, Australia is the right...
02:57I'll give you a cheer with that indeed.
02:58It's the great dingo fence.
03:005,000 kilometres long.
03:02Gripples are small but revolutionary wire clips invented and made in Sheffield.
03:06Used to string out the Blackburn illuminations, support air conditioning ducts over full ceilings,
03:11suspend Brazilian coffee beans off the ground to dry them,
03:14and hold together the world's longest fence in Australia.
03:16So, now, at the end of the programme, I'm going to be judging the QI Christmas colouring competition,
03:23and I want you all, each of you individually, to draw a Christmas tree.
03:28Now, a puppy is for life, not just for Christmas, as we all know.
03:33Apart from dogs, what was the first domesticated animal...
03:37Ah, there are puppies.
03:37What was the first domesticated animal that you could have found as a human being nestled around your Christmas fire?
03:47Johnny.
03:48Very early days of Christmas, before all the Victorians really laid in with it.
03:52Turkeys would be brought into the house, and they'd be gathered around the tree,
03:55and they would be pampered and stroked because of the lovely, lovely, soft feathers.
03:57And this was lovely for centuries, and then suddenly they were ripped open,
04:01and had apples shoved up their arseholes, and all the possible...
04:04It can be fun, though.
04:05Yeah.
04:10Unfortunately, I missed the question, because I've been sniffing the pens.
04:15Could you repeat it, please?
04:16Yes.
04:17Which was the second species of animal for humans to domesticate after the dog?
04:23The cat.
04:24No.
04:27Prove it.
04:30I'm an archaeologist, you have to take my word for it.
04:33The chicken, the hens, the cows.
04:35No.
04:36He's on the list again.
04:37Gerbils, hamsters, badgies.
04:38A sheep.
04:42You can't give all cuddle sheep before.
04:44Blitz and Comets.
04:45You can't buy Rudolph.
04:47Reindeer.
04:48Oh, well done.
04:52Fabulous.
04:54How did you pluck them out of the air?
04:57Because when I said Rudolph, it reminded me of Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer.
05:02Oh, my tongue.
05:03I must be more guarded in my tongue.
05:04I'll just give the answer to the word.
05:06But when you were shouting blitzing at me, I was just scared.
05:09Third point.
05:10That's why you shouldn't be a teacher.
05:11Yeah, you're right.
05:12Yeah, no, no.
05:12To go back to the question again, reindeers were pets.
05:15They were domesticated.
05:16Oh, quite the same as being pets.
05:17Do they have a big wheel in the lounge for the reindeer?
05:23Reindeer flap in the back door.
05:24Yeah, massive water bottle strapped to the side of the house with a funnel that came from it.
05:30There's that old Tony Hancock joke where he sees a reindeer head on the wall and the gentleman's club and
05:34says,
05:35of course, you must have been shifting when you hit the other side of that wall.
05:38Very good.
05:40I'll give someone two points if they can give me another common name for a reindeer.
05:46A snow horse.
05:49I call them snow horses all the time.
05:51Yes.
05:52No.
05:52A buck.
05:53No.
05:53In North America.
05:55Moose.
05:56No.
05:57No.
05:57No.
05:58Other one.
05:59Caraboo.
06:00We said that together.
06:01One inch.
06:02There we are.
06:03All right, so, reindeer, about 14,000 years ago, hunter-gatherers on what is now the Russian-Mongolian border
06:09learned to lure caribou away from their huge migratory groups and bred them to create their own small herd, as
06:16it were, of walking...
06:19Are you being a Mongolian?
06:21No, I'm being a caribou now.
06:22All right.
06:29That's how they lured them away.
06:33Very nice.
06:34Excellent.
06:38And they were, to those early tribes, they were the kind of walking corner shop, offering meat, milk, fur for
06:43clothing, shelter, friendship.
06:46Today, there are about three million domesticated reindeer, most of them in the waste of Lapland, which stretches across Sweden,
06:52Norway, Finland and Russia.
06:53The Laps, who herd them, prefer to call themselves the Sami, even though they seem to be unaware that it
06:59means the plebs in ancient Swedish.
07:02Now, why would a male reindeer fancy Rudolf?
07:07The female's genital organs will be round and bright red, much like Rudolf's nose.
07:14That's why the male will be attracted to Rudolf, because he'll think it's the female's genitalia.
07:20That's quite an intelligent answer.
07:22It's not true, but it's good.
07:24Any other thoughts?
07:25Why would a male reindeer fancy...
07:27Rudolf was a girl?
07:29Yes, is the right answer.
07:30Wow!
07:31Absolutely right.
07:37Is he?
07:37Yeah, we know this, we know this, because in countless representations of Rudolf, he is represented at Christmas Eve with
07:44antlers, and only female reindeer have antlers at Christmas time.
07:47The male reindeer shed their antlers at the very beginning of winter, so all of them must be female if
07:53they have antlers, or possibly eunuchs, because if you castrate a male reindeer, they keep their antlers.
08:00Also, you'd see the silhouette of the bollocks as it went across the moon.
08:08They really do have great big balls hats.
08:11They have...
08:11They have...
08:14They're enormous!
08:15Yes, are they?
08:16They swing about.
08:17I've been behind the caribou.
08:19Have you really?
08:21In the Rocky Mountains.
08:23And you've noticed it's plums.
08:25Looks like a bag full of gripples.
08:29It's the biggest...
08:31The only other ball sack I've seen that was even comparable was on a red kangaroo.
08:35Really?
08:36And I...
08:37And it was lying on its side.
08:38You're a scotomologist.
08:39It is.
08:40It was lying on...
08:41You brought it up.
08:41It was on its side, scratching its nap.
08:44Was it Christmas?
08:46When...
08:46When Alan was dead at Christmas, he got an I spy knackers of the world.
08:52Tick them up.
08:53Tick some...
08:53Oh, I've seen those now.
08:55I've seen the...
08:55I've seen the park keepers.
08:57They always...
09:02That's quite a real one.
09:04I always misunderstood those spot the ball competitions.
09:06They were obviously much more educational than I thought.
09:09Well, that's enough rain, dear.
09:11Why, Alan, for you...
09:12Me.
09:12Why, in days of yore, did the people of rural Yorkshire gather near their beehives late on Christmas Eve?
09:22But York's probably some sort of money saving.
09:26Congratulations for alienating the largest canteen in the country.
09:29Is it?
09:29They won't be alienated.
09:31They're proud of their...
09:31Oh, that's right.
09:32They don't like that one.
09:33We'll watch it suddenly puff like you.
09:34Anyway, whatever.
09:36It's got no common bloody sense, that's why.
09:38Is it?
09:39They won't like that act.
09:39Oh, you've got your book learning.
09:41You're in trouble there.
09:41Oh, I don't care.
09:42Is it?
09:43No.
09:44It's that Bernard Ingham type of Yorkshireman who goes on about common sense.
09:47Drives me f***ing nuts.
09:49So annoying.
09:51So annoying.
09:52Sorry.
09:53Yeah.
09:55I agree.
09:56Yeah.
09:56Listen to the Queen's speech.
09:57It's used for eating all of them.
09:59Listen to the Queen's speech.
10:01That's very good.
10:02I like that.
10:03That's a very good song.
10:04Do they gather round...
10:05Do they just gather round in a little sort of huddle around the hive,
10:09and they just listen to the mmmm,
10:12and they go, two, three Kumbaya.
10:15Do you know you're just about right?
10:19You're in love.
10:20Not exactly, but just about.
10:23They do indeed listen for the humming.
10:24They believed that the bees would all start humming
10:28to mark the birth of Christ at midnight on Christmas.
10:31Oh, and of course, honey, of course, in, as you know from Yates poems,
10:35is often associated with semen.
10:37Yes.
10:40Very nice. Thank you.
10:42Thank you. Because they take it onto their boats when they're sailing, don't they?
10:46Yes. Yes.
10:51So, yes, they would have the Bee Loud Dale in Yorkshire,
10:54where the bees would hum.
10:56And, amazingly, they really believed it happened.
10:58And even the bees, apparently, according to the Yorkshiremen who claim
11:01that they did hum at midnight, even after 1752,
11:04when the calendar changed and 12 days disappeared,
11:08the bees noticed the change from the Julian to the Gregorian calendar
11:11and still buzzed at exactly midnight on Christmas Eve.
11:19Your brother's killed your kestrel. Go and warm up the bees.
11:27The Romans called York Ibaracum,
11:30which I always thought was just then misunderstanding locals,
11:33saying, what shall I eat when I come?
11:36Still, anyway, why might you have thought twice
11:39about accepting the offer of a mince pie
11:42if it was made, this offer, in 1657?
11:45Or, indeed, mince pie.
11:46Someone offered you a mince pie. Yes, Phil.
11:48Well, because that's three minutes before tea time
11:49and it would just spoil your appetite.
11:52Hey.
11:53Very good.
11:55Very good.
11:56The year of our Lord, 1657.
11:58Yes.
12:00Let's look at the date for a moment.
12:011657, of course, the year before the death of Oliver Cromwell.
12:04Very good.
12:05That is relevant.
12:06Who was a huge hater of puss.
12:10So, he needed to put a hand,
12:12even if it wasn't in a particularly Cecil Beaton kind of a way,
12:16near a mince pie might be enough to indicate
12:18that you are a lover of the lavender passageway,
12:21which might be that...
12:24You were for it.
12:25Yes.
12:26Which led to the euphemism,
12:28slinging the mince pie up the lavender passageway.
12:34Brandy butter.
12:40Take this clue that Oliver Cromwell was running the country.
12:44What barred them?
12:45Yes, he did ban them.
12:46No mince pies for anyone.
12:48Yeah, there was a particular reason, though.
12:49They had a particular connotation.
12:51Now, wait, hang on.
12:51Which wasn't sexual.
12:52Yes, Phil.
12:53Cromwell, Commonwealth, made his own money.
12:55And you didn't have...
12:57They were big coins.
12:59Big, big Commonwealth money.
13:00Massive whoppers.
13:01One of them in a pie.
13:03Esophagus.
13:03Yeah.
13:04To one of these mince pies was said to symbolise something
13:09that Cromwell stood four square against.
13:13Catholicism.
13:13Catholicism.
13:14Five points to that man.
13:15That's exactly right.
13:16Why is a very good question.
13:18Yes.
13:18Well, Catholics did use them as discreet ways of displaying
13:22their membership of the mother of churches.
13:24Who did he?
13:24He is some species of...
13:26Is he a cardinal?
13:26...Cardinal or Monseigneur, by the look of it.
13:29Oh, so they're not Siamese twins have just been separated?
13:33They're both cardinals.
13:34No, they're not.
13:36What made he do that?
13:38They do that's a blessing.
13:39They do that for this way.
13:40He's waiting...
13:40He's waiting for someone to throw the...
13:42...mince pie.
13:43He's hailing an altar point.
13:44Yeah.
13:45He's at the other end of the lab in the passageway.
13:48Mince pie.
13:49Mince pie, please.
13:50They were hated papist symbols.
13:53Yes.
13:54It was derived from the pastry sweetmeats were given by the people of Rome to the priests
13:59of the Vatican on Christmas Eve, and so they were symbols of Catholicism for that reason.
14:03The English versions were often topped with graven images, baked in the shape of a crib and a manger and
14:10a little pasty baby Jesus.
14:11In the mountains of Nuremberg in Germany.
14:15Germany.
14:15Well done.
14:16That's right.
14:17Where they have the rally.
14:19Yes, that's right.
14:20Every now and again.
14:21Sadly discontinued.
14:23There's a village in Nuremberg whose name means eavesdropper in German.
14:28Now what did this village provide the whole world with for more than a hundred consecutive Christmases?
14:34War criminals.
14:40Oh dear.
14:42You know, the old tradition of roasting a war criminal.
14:47A glass of sherry.
14:49Cheers, Mr Publisher.
14:52Oh lord.
14:55Compliments of the season.
14:58Did they?
14:59Did they?
14:59I was made almost!
15:02It's probably burning!
15:05Good.
15:06Anybody got anything?
15:09That's Klaus Barbie.
15:12We're having a Klaus.
15:15Everybody's welcome to our winter.
15:17We've got a Klaus on the go.
15:20Santa Klaus in fact.
15:21So, no.
15:24Johnny.
15:25It's part of this.
15:28Nuremberg, of course, one instantly, if one is a Wagnerian, thinks of one of Wagner's last operas, the Meisters Singers.
15:33Yes.
15:34Would they possibly have provided the world with the leading songmeister, the Liedermeister like Hans Sachs in the opera?
15:43Oh, I see.
15:44No.
15:45No, no.
15:45No, wasn't it?
15:46No, no, no.
15:48You were just saying what everybody else was thinking, but in fact...
15:54War nut wigs.
15:56No, all war nut wigs.
15:57No, Christmas.
15:57At Christmas time, for a hundred years, this village devoted itself to the manufacture of particular objects.
16:03You can't manufacture Brazil nuts.
16:04In a German town.
16:05In a German town.
16:08No, no.
16:08Come on.
16:09It's baubles.
16:10Tinsel.
16:10Baubles is the right answer.
16:12Baubles.
16:12Yeah, but the only place that made baubles.
16:14Baubles.
16:14The only place.
16:16Almost the only place.
16:18No.
16:18Well, between 1840 and the end of World War II, a single German village, Lauscher, and Lauscher is the German
16:26for eavesdropper, supplied the entire globe with them.
16:30Local glass makers were the first to have the idea that glass balls might look cute on a Christmas tree,
16:35and it became the village's principal export, with almost every house in the village converted into a small factory.
16:41At its peak, 95% of Christmas tree balls in America came from Lauscher.
16:46Do you think Hitler's Christmas tree only had one ball hanging on it?
16:50Did he sort of move on?
16:52It's highly likely.
16:53Highly likely.
16:54There you are.
16:55What Christmas tradition did American insurance companies try to ban in the year 1908?
17:01Johnny Donovan.
17:02I was given this thought earlier by something that Phil said, actually, and I think I've got this one, actually.
17:07Yeah?
17:07They banned the placing of dimes, not sixpences, in Christmas puddings because too many people were choking on them.
17:13No, it's an intelligent answer, and it had oddly nothing to do with Wagner, again, but it's not right.
17:20It's not like that.
17:21Did you know that the first ever life insurance policy was taken out, I think, in about 1863, by a
17:28man called, was it Stanley Gibbons?
17:31No, he's the stump player.
17:32Stump, yes.
17:33Anyway, it's called Gibbons.
17:34Right.
17:34And he insured his life for 383 pounds or something, for a year.
17:38And he died four weeks short of the year, so his family turned up to claim the first ever life
17:45insurance policy.
17:47And the underwriters, there were 16 underwriters, they all got together.
17:49And they decided that the only way they were going to avoid paying this huge sum of money was to
17:55define a year on their own terms.
17:58And they decided that the year was 12 times four weeks, because that's a month.
18:04So they said, no, strictly by defining a year, he lived for the full term.
18:11But they've changed now insurance companies, haven't they?
18:13Yes.
18:13Now they love to pay out.
18:17And they say, oh, to hell with the small print.
18:19Here's your money.
18:22If that's true, yes.
18:23I have an image of an early black and white film, of a Christmas film.
18:27They had live candles all over the place, and live candles were all over the tree.
18:30Ah, Johnny, I smell five points quite right.
18:32Chicago Hospital burned down in 1885, the whole hospital because of a candle on a Christmas tree.
18:38Three separate Father Christmases died, and this isn't funny, by the way.
18:42And this isn't funny, by bending down to pick up presents under the tree and their beards catching fire.
18:49There's a Christmas to remember, you're that kid, Santa bends down, comes up.
18:53Ah!
18:54Ah!
18:55Ah!
18:56Now, when Paris, the city in France, when it was under siege in 1870 from the Prussians, all the food
19:03ran out.
19:04What Christmas dinner was improvised by voisins, the fashionable Parisian restaurant?
19:08Ratatouille.
19:10Well, now, there you are, that's an old black and a joke.
19:13Yes.
19:13And oddly enough, you're absolutely right again.
19:15Yes.
19:15Rat.
19:17They have rats.
19:19They have rats.
19:20Well done.
19:21Ratatouille.
19:21Yes.
19:21They raised the zoos and the sewers, and they prepared things like consomme of elephant, literally.
19:28Braised kangaroo, antelope pate, and whole cat, garnished with rats.
19:34And that's why Chinese parent cooking is so varied, is because during times of famine they have to improvise.
19:38And there's a famous Chinese dish called three squeak.
19:41And what it is, is they get a pregnant rat, and they wait for it to have its babies, its
19:45little baby rats.
19:46Shit.
19:46And the reason it's called three squeak is because it squeaks three times.
19:50Once when you pick it up.
19:51Eek!
19:51Once when you dip it in a chilli sauce.
19:53Eek!
19:54And once when you bite into it.
19:55Eek!
19:56Eek!
19:56Eek!
19:57And it's called three squeak.
19:58Oh my goodness.
20:00Well done.
20:00Two points for that.
20:01Very fascinating and amazing.
20:02If you timed it right, you can do the birdie song or the family's going.
20:09Excellent.
20:10Can I tell my…my pausing jokes?
20:13Please do.
20:14The late, lamented and great Sir John Gildred was directing a young actor in The West End once.
20:19And the young actor was pausing a lot, as young actors tend to do.
20:22And Gildred said to him, no stop, no no.
20:24So, no, no, you must never pause.
20:26Never, never, never pause at the West End.
20:28I paused many, many years ago.
20:30And during the silence, I heard a voice in the third row go,
20:33Oh, you hideous beast, you've just come all over my umbrella.
20:45So, that's where we are.
20:46That's fantastic.
20:48Wonderful.
20:50Time once again to bang our collective heads
20:52against the brick wall of understanding in the quickfire round they call
20:55General Ignorance.
20:57Which is the odd one out here?
20:58Paris, London, Poland or Banana?
21:02I think Phil got there first.
21:04Poland and Banana are both the odd ones out, Stephen,
21:06because Down and Out in Poland and Banana will be a terrible book.
21:11Good thought.
21:12Yes, hello.
21:13I think it's got something to do with Help the Aged.
21:16They've got branches in Paris, London, Poland, Banana.
21:22Yeah.
21:22I think it's got a banana.
21:25Yeah.
21:26Yeah.
21:26Yeah.
21:26That's true.
21:27Yeah.
21:27That's a very good answer.
21:28None of them is the odd one out is the answer.
21:30Do you know why?
21:32Well, thanks.
21:32What kind of a hellish quiz is this?
21:35Well, third point.
21:38What one's the odd one out?
21:39None of them.
21:44Hey, is that me?
21:46That's you.
21:46Oh, bugger you.
21:48I don't sound like that.
21:50You.
21:53What is there that's called Christmas?
21:56Islands.
21:56Gah!
21:57Where the bananas grow.
21:58No.
21:59Oh, don't grow.
21:59No.
22:00Where the Pope grows.
22:01Where they're planning to grow.
22:02No.
22:02They're all little places in the Christmas Islands.
22:05There's a place called London, a place called Paris, a place called Poland, a place called Banana.
22:09It's the largest atoll in the Pacific, and it has the fastest growing population in the world.
22:137.7% Christmas Islands.
22:15How about that?
22:15Amazing.
22:16Now, what is the youngest age, think carefully, what is the youngest age that a child can knock back a
22:22pint of mulled wine or a couple of double brandies in a restaurant beer garden in the UK?
22:30Oh, dear.
22:31No.
22:32No, dear.
22:34No.
22:35No, dear.
22:3612, if you met him on the internet.
22:38Oh, dear.
22:45You can't have double brandy in a pub unless you're 18.
22:51The answer is five years old.
22:52Yeah.
22:53What?
22:54Five years old.
22:55Yes.
22:56It's only illegal for children between five and 18 to consume alcoholic drinks in the bar, a place defined by
23:04the law as chiefly or exclusively for the sale and consumption of alcoholic drinks.
23:10Pub restaurants and gardens don't count provided the child has the drink bought by an adult.
23:15Oh, they're not out of the bar.
23:17No, they're not out of the bar.
23:17Why does the child get around in there?
23:19No, they don't.
23:19That's the beauty of being a child.
23:22That's why the whole practice died out.
23:23They wouldn't get around.
23:25No.
23:26No.
23:28No.
23:28Drink.
23:28Drink.
23:29Drink.
23:31Not to you.
23:32Lastly, where does Santa Claus come from?
23:36Yeah.
23:37From St. Nicholas.
23:39St. Nicholas.
23:41Yes.
23:41What place?
23:42At Bohemia, Czechoslovakia.
23:44No.
23:44Not quite.
23:45No.
23:45Any thoughts?
23:46Russia.
23:47No.
23:48Er, he's an Aborigine.
23:50No.
23:51Woking.
23:52No.
23:54Lutman.
23:54Bavaria.
23:56Did you say Lutman?
23:58Oh, dear oh, dear oh, dear oh, dear oh, dear oh, dear oh, dear oh, dear oh.
24:01And I just saw North Pole.
24:02Yes, so you're not going to say that, are you?
24:04No.
24:05Syria.
24:06Turkey.
24:06Yes!
24:07Quite right.
24:08Turkey.
24:10And that was real Santa Claus, St. Nicholas.
24:12Happy Christmas.
24:14Yeah.
24:14But he was...
24:16Tzatziki.
24:17Vailies.
24:18Er, Sinterklaas, as they call him in, er, in, in the Netherlands.
24:21Yes, Sinterklaas is Anchkomt.
24:23Er, it's their little song.
24:27Er...
24:27I'll give you, er, some points if you can tell me where precisely our modern view, er,
24:31as it is of Father Christmas comes from.
24:34Does it derive from, er, the, the gemutlichkeit culture of the Prince Albert brought to Britain
24:40in the 1840s?
24:41Again, you're just chiming with the thought that fills the room, but no.
24:45Yes.
24:45No, the...
24:47No.
24:48It's, er...
24:51The...
24:53The...
24:53The...
24:54No, the Schleswig-Holstein gemutlichkeit culture is not an issue, there.
24:58It is a very extraordinary thing.
25:00I, I want to take you to the year 1822.
25:02Oh, when Schubert wrote the Unfinished Symphony.
25:04So...
25:06Something else happened, a poem was written, which absolutely gave us, for the first time
25:10ever printed or ever recorded, as far as we know, the idea of the white beard, the red coat,
25:14the stockings, the, the chimney, the presents on Christmas Eve, the whole thing.
25:18Americans still quote it every Christmas time.
25:21It was the nights before Christmas.
25:23It was the nights before Christmas.
25:27Yes.
25:28The poem was called, The Visit from St Nicholas.
25:30Off his face on laudanum, just sitting there, a big fat man, with a beard and a red coat.
25:37This is fantastic.
25:40And he's got a sack full of gripples.
25:44No, no, no, no.
25:45Presents.
25:46Presents.
25:48It's almost beddy-bys, but not before our last treat, the QI Christmas colouring competition,
25:53which I announced earlier.
25:55Gentlemen, can I have your trees, please?
25:56Now, look, Johnny's is brilliant.
25:58That is minimalist from you there, Jill.
26:00But it's actually a very long way away.
26:02But, ah!
26:03Of course.
26:09We are very impressed.
26:10I'm particularly impressed, I have to say, particularly impressed with Sean Allen, surprisingly.
26:17Has fallen into the trap into which we all fall.
26:19Which is a very old one.
26:21Which is supposing that the branches go down.
26:23We're going to ask Jamie to come on with a Christmas tree.
26:26There.
26:26Look at that.
26:27That's a beauty, isn't it?
26:29Thank you, Jamie.
26:33You could find a better one in the middle of the winter.
26:36The point is, the branches go down.
26:37Was I holding it like that?
26:39Who are you?
26:40Was I holding it like that?
26:40I think you were.
26:41I'm so sorry.
26:42There.
26:44I think, ladies and gentlemen, we have to agree with the runaway winner from Johnny Sessions.
26:47Yeah.
26:47Look at that.
26:48Look at that, ladies and gentlemen.
26:53Children, it's time for the last sample of Uncle Stephen's final scores.
26:58I'm afraid in last place, Alan.
27:01Hmm?
27:01It's Alan.
27:03Minus six.
27:04I'm so sorry.
27:09And that's it.
27:11In third place, Phil Jupitus with five.
27:18And in second place with seven, it's Sean Locke, ladies and gentlemen.
27:27But, four times better than that, our impressive runaway winner with 28 points, John Sessions.
27:39I'll leave you with this charming seasonal inquiry made last Christmas by an elderly American
27:44couple in the tourist office at Stratford-upon-Avon.
27:47True.
27:47The map is great, but do you think you could show us the quickest route to Shakespeare's manger?
27:55Merry Christmas, everyone.
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