- 4 hours ago
First broadcast 3rd December 2010.
Stephen Fry
Alan Davies
Rob Brydon
Fred MacAulay
Sandi Toksvig
Stephen Fry
Alan Davies
Rob Brydon
Fred MacAulay
Sandi Toksvig
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:00Whoa!
00:02Hi there, hi there, hi there, hi there, hi.
00:05Hi there, hi there, hi.
00:06And hello!
00:08Tonight we scale the heights and plumb the depths
00:11for our theme is highs and lows.
00:14And joining me tonight, the height of good manners,
00:16Sandy Toksvig!
00:21And the highly fancied Rob Brydon.
00:30The highly regarded Fred McCauley.
00:36And the depths of depravity, Alan Davis.
00:44So, your buzzers, if you please.
00:48Sandy goes...
00:51Rob goes...
00:53And Fred goes...
00:56Alan goes...
01:00Of course, what else?
01:01But let's start our journey in the heather-clad Highlands.
01:05Fred!
01:06Perhaps you can help us as a Scot.
01:08I'm a non-Scotsman, as are the others.
01:11So, which of the tartans here would I not be entitled to wear?
01:16Good grief.
01:18Do you recognise any of them?
01:19I think the one on the extreme left could be a Stuart.
01:23It is.
01:23Not just a Stuart.
01:25Royal.
01:26Royal Stuart.
01:27Royal Stuart.
01:28The next one, I think, is...
01:30A mistake.
01:31Probably Burberry.
01:33Burberry?
01:33Yeah.
01:34No, Burberry.
01:37Forgive me.
01:39As is the next one.
01:40I don't think you'd be allowed to wear anything other than maybe the black and white one.
01:45Well, it's interesting.
01:47What you say is true.
01:47That one is the Royal Stuart.
01:49The one next to it, the purple and green, is actually known as the Sikh Tartan.
01:55And it's for the Singh, S-I-N-G-H.
01:58And a rich Sikh businessman went to the biggest of the tartan companies and said,
02:02I want a Sikh tartan.
02:04And, of course, they obliged.
02:07It's the Wimbledon colours.
02:08It is actually Wimbledon.
02:09You're right.
02:10Green and purple.
02:11Yeah.
02:11But the point is that the whole tartan business is very recent, as you probably know.
02:15It's not an ancient clan thing.
02:18It's only in the 19th century when this whole...
02:21The Highlands became the playground of the royal family in Balmoral and places like this.
02:24They were never related to families.
02:27There wasn't like, oh, we're in Glencoe and we're McDonald's, so this is ours.
02:31That all happened much, much later and was a sort of invention of the tartan-selling cloth merchants of the
02:37Royal Mile and other such places.
02:39I fear I might not be able to contribute. I'm welling up.
02:43If there is one that you most certainly can wear, it is the Royal Stuart, because we can all wear
02:48the tartan of our chieftain.
02:50And constitutionally, her madge, is our chieftain.
02:55And therefore we, as all, if we're British subjects, can wear it too.
02:58So I couldn't wear it then?
02:59You're not a British subject, are you?
03:00No, I'm Danish.
03:01You're Danish?
03:01Is there a Danish tartan made of a pastry of some sort?
03:05No.
03:05Yes, that's our entire culture in a nutshell.
03:10You forgot the porn films, you silly boy.
03:13Oh, yes.
03:13With a late fricot, clopped in the middle.
03:15Absolutely.
03:16So, your people certainly claimed the tartan and took hold of it.
03:20But there's nothing in history to show that that was the first place that plaid, as Americans call tartan.
03:27Do you know what the word plaid actually means, where it comes from?
03:29Means tartan.
03:30No, it doesn't really. It's a Gaelic word or a Gallic word.
03:34It's the same as platan.
03:35Is it blanket?
03:36Blanket.
03:37Absolutely right.
03:37It's the Gallic for blanket.
03:39It is plaid.
03:40Plaid.
03:40And tartan is thought to come from the French tiertaine.
03:44He didn't know how to put that on, did he?
03:47Oh, I don't know.
03:51I don't know.
03:51I don't know.
03:51What's that?
03:53Steady.
03:53Don't move.
03:54If I move, it'll fall off.
03:56Take the picture.
03:57Take the picture.
03:58Funnily enough, that was the original tartan.
03:59It was a long thing that went all over your shoulders.
04:01And the modern short.
04:02I've got my sword in my toe.
04:05Oh, God.
04:09See the picture?
04:10It hurts.
04:15The short.
04:16Is there a weed in my heart?
04:17Is there something growing in my heart?
04:20There's a weed.
04:22No, no, it's fine.
04:23It's a symbol of something.
04:24I cannot move.
04:25I don't know if I fall off.
04:26Sorry.
04:27Sorry about the space for that.
04:28Yeah.
04:28Sorry.
04:29It's lovely to see you again.
04:32There will be a lot of people watching who will wonder,
04:36what does a true Scotsman wear under his kilt?
04:39And I can tell you, a true Scotsman would never tell you
04:43what he wears under his kilt.
04:44He will show you at the drop of a hat.
04:48You can use it.
04:49I've seen dandruff on the shoes.
04:50That's a giveaway.
04:53Oh, dear.
04:55But the short kilt.
04:57I don't feel well now.
05:00I'm guilty with that information.
05:02Say something else.
05:03Give me another image.
05:05Jamie's pastry.
05:05Jamie's pastry.
05:07Jamie's pastry.
05:07The short kilt, you'll be sorry to know, is an English invention.
05:11It was an industrialist called Rawlinson who had an iron mill in Scotland
05:14who thought that this whole thing all over the shoulder, this long blanket was a waste of time.
05:19But that the short kilt, the skirt basically, would be a very handy and efficient way of dressing.
05:26You know how to get the exact length of the kilt correct when you put it on is you kneel
05:31down.
05:31So the bottom hem of the kilt just has to rest on the surface?
05:37That's how we measured our skirts at school.
05:39At boarding school, they had to be that.
05:41Mind you, it was different though.
05:42We wore two pairs of pants just on the off chance.
05:44We had to wear a white pair with a blue pair over the top just in case any boy should
05:48happen.
05:49Seriously?
05:50Oh, absolutely.
05:50In case one pair would fly off accidentally.
05:54Oh, extraordinary.
05:55They were terrified we'd have anything to do with boys.
05:56Meanwhile, I was in a dorm full of girls and quite happy.
06:05Well, there you are.
06:06The fact is, the idea of being entitled to a particular tartan is fairly recent, comes from England.
06:11But you can't go wrong with Royal Stewart.
06:13How do you win a caber-throwing competition?
06:18Oh, he's a big boy.
06:20Good to see Mel Smith getting back out into the public.
06:25He's just caught that one.
06:26It does, doesn't it?
06:27Whoa, got it!
06:29Do you know what's really unlikely?
06:30Is that I have actually taken part in a caber-throw.
06:33I know.
06:34Wow.
06:34Yeah, I took part in some Highland games.
06:36And you have to touch it and then it's the direct- it has to flip over.
06:39Yes.
06:39And then it's the direction.
06:41It doesn't matter how high it is or how far it is.
06:44It's not like putting a shot or anything.
06:46It's not about distance.
06:47Yes.
06:47It's how straight it is.
06:4812 o'clock.
06:4912 o'clock is the phrase.
06:51And you have points deducted for every minute off 12 o'clock you are from yourself.
06:55And we can see someone doing a very good one and it doesn't look easy, I have to say.
06:59That must be very, very heavy.
07:01Yeah.
07:02And there you think, oh, it's going to fall back on him.
07:04But no, it just goes over.
07:05Go on.
07:07And that's impressive.
07:09It's disappeared.
07:10It has completely disappeared.
07:11Long grass.
07:12That could be a man in early January disposing of his Christmas tree.
07:16Yes.
07:18In fact, I love the Highland games because they do exactly what it says in the tin.
07:21They do weight over the bar is one of them.
07:24Yes.
07:24And you throw a weight over a bar.
07:27They have sheaf toss.
07:29Sheaf toss?
07:30A sheaf and you toss it.
07:33It's really straightforward.
07:34For those of us who loathe sport, you think it's very straightforward.
07:36I know what's going to happen here.
07:37Yep.
07:37Absolutely.
07:37Hamatoss.
07:38I'm going to get out of the way.
07:39I know what's happening.
07:41And in fact, putting the shot, they used to go put in the stone, in fact.
07:44Aye.
07:44But again, it's a recent invention.
07:46And people have claimed it goes back to Malcolm III, you know, the son of the murdered King
07:51Duncan, the one that Macbeth murdered.
07:53But there's no evidence for this whatsoever.
07:54But the first one was in the 19th century, the first gathering of these games.
07:59And what happened was it was around the time that Queen Victoria and Prince Albert came
08:02to Balmoral, and they liked it.
08:04There was one at Bremar, which is the one the royal family still go to.
08:07We need entertainment.
08:08Exactly.
08:09And so these games go.
08:10And then around the same time, or a little later, Baron Coubertin, who founded the modern
08:15Olympic movement, he saw them and he liked quite a lot of the events, including which
08:20ones went into the Olympics from the Highland Games.
08:22Poetry?
08:23No, not there was.
08:24There was poetry in the Olympic Games, as you rightly remembered from there.
08:28Yeah, but no, it was, well, the hammer, which is still there.
08:30Right, okay.
08:31The shot.
08:32Not the caber toss?
08:32Not the caber toss.
08:34Never made it.
08:34And of course, dancing was another feature, which was originally all men, but now tends to
08:38be almost exclusively women.
08:39As is the man on the left.
08:41Oh, yes.
08:42Almost exclusively.
08:43Can I just say, well done to whoever used the computer-aided design to put in a blue
08:48sky and some shadows.
08:53Very good.
08:54Very good indeed.
08:59Did you ever try it as a child?
09:01Did you ever have to do-
09:02We had to do country dance at your primary school.
09:04I had to.
09:04I was in the lead-off pair with Nicola Raby.
09:07Wow.
09:08That came out very quickly.
09:09You remember that, Nicola Raby obviously meant something to you.
09:11Yeah, she was a very good dancer.
09:15The best in the club.
09:16Do you know who the great, you may have heard of him, the great Donald Dinny?
09:19Do you know who he-
09:19Donald Dinny?
09:21Does he mean anything to you?
09:21That's an instruction in Scotland.
09:23Donald Dinny.
09:23Dinny.
09:25Whatever it is you're thinking about Donald, Dinny.
09:29Jimmy, you can, but Donald, Dinny.
09:33Well, I'm afraid Donald did.
09:35Those are all his medals.
09:36He was far and away the most successful Highland Games exponent in all disciplines.
09:40My movies are all going to fall off.
09:42He won in one day alone.
09:44He won 20 prizes in different disciplines in a Highland gathering.
09:47He doesn't look the build of a heavy athlete.
09:50He doesn't have particularly, but for 40 years, from 1850 to 1890, he ruled supreme.
09:57Can I ask Stephen, what did he win the medals for?
09:59Was it-
10:00Well, caber tossing, he was the most proficient at, but he was also a Highjumper.
10:03There was one very, very high jumping thing, and he failed twice, took his kilt off, and then managed it
10:09on the third attempt.
10:11So, yes, caber tossing is all about the straightness of the throw.
10:13Caber tossing is sometimes called spurning the bar, not something you'd imagine any Scot ever doing.
10:22So, what was regularly smuggled into the USA from Canada for the traditional Burns Night celebrations?
10:30What do I have at Burns Night celebrations?
10:33Haggis's?
10:33It's the right answer!
10:40We thought you might be tempted to say whiskey, but this is from 1989 up until 2010.
10:48Haggis's were smuggled from Canada into America.
10:52Why might this be?
10:53Because the Americans don't approve of inedible food.
10:57This is delish.
10:59Well, well, I can't say.
11:00It's one element inside the haggis that was contraband.
11:04There it is.
11:04What's the outer casing?
11:06Stomach.
11:06A sheep's stomach.
11:07And inside is-
11:09It's called pluck.
11:10Pluck is the correct word for the bits of the part.
11:13Is it heart, liver, and-
11:14It's awful, certainly.
11:15Bits of that, but one-
11:17Lung.
11:18Lungs, which is known in the butcher's trade as the lights, which are-
11:22And those were outlawed in America because of BSE and indeed their own problems.
11:26Ah, yes.
11:27You couldn't eat them.
11:27And so there was a trade in smuggled Canadian haggis.
11:31What do we know about the haggis?
11:33Who-
11:33Which nation invented the haggis?
11:35I-
11:35I wonder if we're not responsible.
11:37Might-
11:37You think it might be Danes?
11:38It might be.
11:39Some-
11:39Well, actually, the first reference to it in the British Islands is actually in-
11:42in Lancashire.
11:43But there are lots of theories about where the haggis came from.
11:45Offal comes from Danish.
11:46It-
11:46It is-
11:47From the Danish word for rubbish.
11:49Aufal is-
11:50Oh, really?
11:51Yeah, so there's a-
11:51There must be some Sc-
11:52Hydeous Scandinavian connection.
11:54Well, there are some who think that it was Vikings who brought it over to Britain.
11:57But it comes from Lancashire, doesn't it?
11:58Well, that's the first reference to it, yeah.
12:00I just-
12:00Do you know the-
12:02The burn's address to the haggis?
12:03Yes, it's a poem.
12:05It's a poem, which on burn's night at a burn's supper, somebody would address it.
12:09And it comes in-
12:10That's-
12:11That's obviously been cut open, as you can see.
12:13But before it's cut, someone addresses it and it starts with-
12:17Fair for your honest sonsy face, great chieftain of the puddin' race.
12:20I boon them all, you tack your place.
12:22Pain's tripe or theorem.
12:23Wheeler you wordy, o'er grace as lang's my erm.
12:26And-
12:26Oh, brah, brah, brah.
12:28That's it.
12:30But, er, there it is being typed in.
12:33But Sunday I know, er, was going, er, doing a burn's supper abroad.
12:38And they had sent the address, er, over to Germany.
12:42And it was translated into German, but the German translated it back.
12:46Ah.
12:46And the line, instead of great chieftain or the puddin' race,
12:49was translated back as mighty Führer of the sausage people.
12:56Oh, that's fabulous.
12:59That should stay.
13:01It's a lot better than great chieftain of the pudding race.
13:04Mighty Führer of the sausage people.
13:07What is the date of burn's night?
13:09January 25th.
13:10Yes, it's his birthday.
13:11I love the way you get all your celebrations in one corner of the year,
13:15so that being Scottish you have, like, Christmas, craziness,
13:18and then Hogmanay, insanity, burn's night, three weeks later,
13:22and then for the rest of the year, nothing.
13:25Just a long hangover.
13:27Abstinence.
13:28Abstinence.
13:29Duralness.
13:30But, er, there is no poet, really, that has the same level of affection in the English culture.
13:35We obviously venerate Shakespeare in different ways,
13:37and some people resent him because of school,
13:39but there's a deep level of love for burn's, is there not?
13:42Absolutely.
13:43I mean, he was a great man and very forward-thinking.
13:46He was completely and utterly anti-slave trade.
13:49Yes.
13:50So much so that if you go to the burn's museum, there's a photograph of Muhammad Ali,
13:54who came over to Scotland and came up and visited it because he was a student of burn's,
14:00because of the humanitarian work that he had done, you know, 150 years ago.
14:05And he was fond of a rhyme.
14:07I love all you sausage people, he used to say.
14:11Scottish friends of mine used to say,
14:13I don't know why you English people go on about our accent being impenetrable.
14:17Americans find it easy to understand, easier than English.
14:19And then I saw Trainspotting in America and there were subtitles all the way through.
14:25Where is the Chinese burn's night celebrated?
14:29Beijing.
14:30No, oddly enough, there is one...
14:33Chinese burn's night?
14:33Yeah, there's one where they combine, because burn's night...
14:36Isn't that something unpleasant under your wrist?
14:38Chinese burn's night.
14:46I mean fun, but a whole evening.
14:49Well, it combines the burn's night with the Chinese New Year.
14:53Because they often fall very close to each other.
14:55And in Vancouver, they hold them together.
14:57It's known as Gung Haggis Fat Choy.
14:59And they have haggis with bean curd sauce and things like that.
15:02And the biggest Highland Games, with regular spectators of 50,000 is...
15:06Where do you think?
15:06It has to be the States somewhere.
15:08It is in the States, yes.
15:09Is it Arkansas or Kentucky or Oklahoma?
15:11No, it's actually in San Francisco, is it?
15:13San Francisco.
15:14I was going to get in there eventually.
15:14Oh, quite camp then.
15:16Quite camp, yes.
15:17Big, big tart.
15:18Oh, dear me.
15:19Canadian haggis smugglers plied their wicked trade across the US border right up until 2010.
15:25Now, once you'd conquered Everest, what did Edmund Hillary do for an encore?
15:30He had a massive teeth off with serpertensis.
15:38I can notice no other consequences.
15:40I know my teeth have grown.
15:41Look at my teeth.
15:42Mine too, Edmund.
15:44Mine too.
15:45Look at this.
15:46Look at this.
15:46Ready?
15:46Ready?
15:48You do look like him.
15:50Oh, my God.
15:58Did he become a Welsh comedian?
16:00No.
16:01Me or him?
16:02Hey.
16:03I do look a bit like him actually, but there's not what you can do with it.
16:08Not really.
16:09You've got to do a Kiwi accent.
16:11Yeah, I mean, I've climbed a few mountains in my time.
16:13I'm sure I have.
16:14But it's not something I like to go on a bit.
16:17I'm struggling because...
16:19It needs a bit of work there, right?
16:20I'm sorry.
16:20I apologise.
16:22I apologise to any New Zealanders.
16:23No, no.
16:23He's trying to do the fish and chips in this.
16:25The Australians, they don't say Elvis.
16:27They say Ilvis.
16:28Ilvis, yeah.
16:29Yeah.
16:30And I heard that New Zealanders are traditionally quite sort of puritanical.
16:33It's quite hard for them even to say the word six.
16:37One, two, three, four, five.
16:39Oh, I can't say it.
16:40It's six.
16:41There's a famous graffiti that was seen in Melbourne, which looked like a rugby score.
16:46It's Australia six, New Zealand seven.
16:49Which, of course, they would pronounce as Australia sucks.
16:51New Zealand's hidden.
16:53You see?
16:54There you go.
16:54There isn't that clever.
16:55It doesn't really travel, does it?
16:56No, it doesn't.
16:57No.
16:58I should tell you, when this photograph was taken, I'll never forget it.
17:01We'd had a wonderful day.
17:05And I'd just said a lovely joke to my good friend there next to me.
17:09And as you can see, he was pissing himself off.
17:12And his name was?
17:13His name was Bert.
17:15His name was?
17:16Sherpa Tensing.
17:17Sherpa Tensing Norgay.
17:18Well, yes, but to his friends.
17:21Wasn't it cheating having somebody carry a luggage for you?
17:24No.
17:25Now, which one of them got to the peak first?
17:27Sherpa Tensing.
17:28No.
17:29No?
17:29Hillary.
17:30Edmund Hillary.
17:31Edmund Hillary got there first.
17:32And not only that...
17:33Were they racing?
17:33No, they were not sure.
17:34They were friends.
17:35And Tensing Norgay wrote in his autobiography that Hillary got to the top first.
17:40And that Hillary said, no, we tell everybody we got there together.
17:43Then the king of Nepal said, in a rather angry statement,
17:46everybody knows that Sherpa Tensing got there first.
17:48And Hillary didn't say a word.
17:49Oh.
17:49He didn't correct him.
17:50He was very noble about it.
17:51Yes.
17:52And he actually devoted most of his life to raising money for the Nepalese people.
17:5625 schools, his charity and very things.
17:58So he was a really, he was a very good man.
18:00But what did he do after Everest?
18:03Ah.
18:03He went to the bottom of the sea.
18:05No.
18:06Did he climb something else?
18:07No, he didn't.
18:08Well, he sort of did because it was in the Himalayas, he still.
18:11But he went on an expedition.
18:12He took an incredible challenge that tested the extremes of physical endurance.
18:19Not really.
18:19It was a bit of a wild goose chase.
18:21Was he looking for the Yeti?
18:22A Yeti.
18:23He was looking for the Yeti.
18:24He went on a Yeti hunt.
18:25Oh.
18:25He concluded that the thing didn't exist.
18:27But this is him preparing, looking slightly less like Rob in that angle.
18:30Who does he look like there?
18:32Erm.
18:33Edmund Hillary.
18:33Edmund Hillary, basically, yeah.
18:34It does look awkward.
18:35But it does look like, yes, I am going to marry her because I love her.
18:40I'm standing by her.
18:41In that picture, I look more like the chap in the drawing, actually.
18:45Does he really think that it existed?
18:48He wanted to settle the matter, or at least to attempt to settle the matter.
18:51And, er, of course, they didn't find that one.
18:53But one thing they discovered, because it's this footprint business.
18:56And in shadows, a fox print is small, but as it gets into a sunny area,
19:01it gets elongated as it melts along.
19:02Oh.
19:03And a human footprint can go up to 21 inches.
19:05And that seems to be an explanation for some of the footprint stories.
19:08It's simply that.
19:10They're like the crop circles of the Himalayas, aren't they?
19:12They kind of are.
19:12Well, on the other hand, to be fair, one of the members said we were probably too noisy
19:17because they didn't see a snow leopard, and we know snow leopards do exist.
19:20Yeah.
19:20So it doesn't prove that they do.
19:22Are you suggesting that only an expedition that was fantastically quiet might find it?
19:25Well.
19:26What I'm saying.
19:27Shh.
19:28Yes, basically.
19:29They've lost their mobile signal.
19:31And, hello, we're nearly at the top.
19:33You're breaking, I'm sorry.
19:34We're looking for the Yeti.
19:37Actually, ironically, you get fantastic mobile coverage, and you're high up mountains.
19:41If you ever go on a skiing holiday, you, oh, good God, what's that?
19:45An artist's impression of a thing that doesn't exist.
19:48Oh.
19:49That's what some people call a Yeti.
19:51Might look like.
19:52After looking for a Yeti for 20 years.
19:54Some people thought that, actually, they were on a spying mission because two of the
19:59people that were with him were rocket experts, and that they were spying on Chinese rocket
20:03installations in Tibet.
20:05Who knows?
20:05And what we think that might still, some people now think that may have been what they were doing.
20:08Yes, they still think that's actually what they were doing, yeah.
20:10So, there you are.
20:12That's basically the answer.
20:13He went to look for a Yeti after conquering Everest in 53.
20:16Evan Hillary went in search of the abominable snowman.
20:18Speaking of Yetis, what would be the quickest way of getting Brian Blessed to the top of Everest?
20:28Tell him they're putting on the production of Peter Pan, Ken Branagh's directing, and he's a shooting for that.
20:35Oh, I don't like a shot of you!
20:38That's possible.
20:39He loves mountain climbing, doesn't he?
20:41Of course he does.
20:42Has he climbed Everest?
20:44He had a go at it, didn't he?
20:46He's had several goes.
20:46He got incredibly close.
20:48He got to 28,000 feet without oxygen.
20:50The oldest man ever to climb that height.
20:53And he had to turn back to save someone's life.
20:55It was really sad for him.
20:57His whole life he wanted to climb it.
20:58But he did.
20:59He helped save someone's life.
21:00He was in real trouble.
21:01And so that stopped him going to the top.
21:03He's a black belt in judo.
21:05He was a boxing champion.
21:06He holds a lot of records.
21:07The oldest man to go to the North Pole and to have the 28,000 feet without oxygen and so
21:11on.
21:11And he is physically pretty extraordinary.
21:13You say he went to 28,000 feet without oxygen.
21:16Yeah.
21:17But I mean, he must have had some.
21:18No, I mean, sorry.
21:19Without the assistance.
21:21He held his breath.
21:23Without the assistance.
21:24Here we go, okay.
21:26Using only the very little that is in the atmosphere is what I should have said.
21:30I think the fastest way to get him up is you get a big balloon full of hot air.
21:35And then you tell him to go up the mountain.
21:37Yeah.
21:38Well, it's not that.
21:39That would be quite a, there is a quicker way.
21:41But it's incredibly dangerous.
21:43Don't you be dropped by?
21:44It's only recently been done, yeah.
21:45Dropped by a plane or something?
21:47It's been done once.
21:48Right.
21:48By helicopter.
21:49It's unbelievably difficult because with that little air, the rotor resistance,
21:54and the fluids, the hydraulic fluids, all behave differently.
21:57It's a pretty insane thing to try and do.
22:00And the winds, the winds gust in 160 miles per hour.
22:04It was done by a Frenchman called Didier de Salle in an A-star helicopter.
22:08And he stayed on there for two minutes on the surface.
22:11So it's the highest ever in history landing and takeoff that has ever been made.
22:17I thought you couldn't breathe it.
22:18I went skydiving once and it was at 17,500 feet.
22:23And they said that's when they said that's the highest you can skydive with air oxygen.
22:28This was in Lancashire.
22:32How many people who attempt it die, would you say?
22:34Oh, quite a lot.
22:35A lot of people don't even go halfway.
22:38What is it that kills them?
22:39Yeah.
22:40And what is this particular condition?
22:43It's a heart failure.
22:43Yeah, well, it's either a cerebral oedema or a pulmonary oedema.
22:46Either it's fluid build up in the brain or in the lungs.
22:48The brain swells up, doesn't it?
22:49So you start to get a headache about 14,000 feet or something.
22:52And then apparently there are signs all the way up to base camp saying,
22:56if you're getting a headache, go back.
22:59Are there signs saying tiredness kills?
23:01Take a break.
23:03Feeling woozy?
23:05Pulling for a coffee.
23:06And then there's a welcome break.
23:07Yeah.
23:08Moto, two miles.
23:11M&S Simply Food, 12 miles.
23:14We'll keep going to the M&S.
23:18So much better there.
23:21There is the dead zone, which is, I'm afraid, got a lot of bodies in it and a lot of
23:25equipment.
23:25And some Nepalese and Sherpas are planning this year to get rid of the litter.
23:31They are.
23:31They're going to get a skip, aren't they?
23:32Basically, yeah.
23:33Absolutely.
23:33And there will be a lot of dead bodies in it, I'm afraid.
23:36Now, Brian Blessed is also a lover of animals.
23:38He has over 2,000 animals at his house in Surrey, apparently.
23:43Where does he live?
23:43Well, yeah, in his house and gardens.
23:45But a lot of them in his house as well, yeah.
23:472,000.
23:482,000.
23:492,000.
23:502,000.
23:502,000.
23:51Well, what?
23:51All kinds of species.
23:53Wasps.
23:552,000 creatures of various kinds.
23:58Well, that seems to be a ridiculous number of animals.
24:01Am I the only person to be staggered?
24:02No.
24:03I mean, I know some of those 12 dogs and I think that's incredible.
24:07That's why I thought the information was worth imparting, because he's a remarkable man.
24:10If it is bees, you could understand it, but Eland or Zebra would be...
24:14A whole mixture of creatures.
24:15Some of them tiny, whiny, lots of, some of them quite big, only a few.
24:20He's also one of the few people who have boxed with the Dalai Lama.
24:23He...
24:25The Dalai Lama...
24:25The Dalai Lama...
24:26The Dalai Lama...
24:28The Dalai Lama was keen on boxing and blessed is obsessed with it, and they actually sparred
24:32together.
24:33Few people can say they sparred with his holiness.
24:35I was meant...
24:36I do say, whatever...
24:37I mean, he is one of the most remarkable men.
24:39I agree.
24:39And when he...
24:40One cow.
24:40I hope he doesn't, it's a long time.
24:41When he dies, he'll be able to look back on a much richer life than just about anybody
24:46else one can think of.
24:47He's extraordinary.
24:48He's acting with the RSCs.
24:49He played Voltan in Flash Gordon.
24:51Fly, my beauties!
24:53I mean...
24:54I mean...
24:57Why did he box with the Dalai Lama?
24:59Isn't that funny?
24:59He met him and they fell talking about boxing.
25:01He was a boxing champion himself in the past, blessed, in Yorkshire, I think, where he
25:05comes from.
25:05And the Dalai Lama is very keen on boxing.
25:07He's a passionate fan.
25:08He's not really as prized as he should be, is he, Brian?
25:11I agree.
25:11I think he's an remarkable figure.
25:12Yeah, he's not sort of held up, you know, the way he should be.
25:16He calls me Spunkbubble.
25:17Hello, Spunkbubble!
25:18How are you?
25:20He was.
25:21He was.
25:22Maybe that's the reason why he's not prized.
25:27If only I hadn't called Stephen Flyer Spunkbubble!
25:33It's...
25:33Why does he...
25:35No, no, no, we don't want to know.
25:37That's no explanation.
25:39And did he do it without oxygen?
25:40No!
25:42Enough already, yes.
25:44Since the record-breaking flight of Didier de Salle in 2005, the quickest way of getting
25:48to the top of Everest is by helicopter.
25:51If you found yourself on the top of a mountain, how could you tell how high you were without
25:57electronic instrumentation?
25:58I went up the old man of Coniston earlier this year.
26:02Did he?
26:03I have to say, Sandy, he was very accommodated.
26:07I might be wrong, I think he enjoyed it.
26:10And at the top there, they've very helpfully got one of those things where you can look and
26:14it tells you where you are.
26:15But that's not what you're getting at, Stephen.
26:17No, I'm...
26:18You're thinking of somewhere fiendishly clever.
26:21Well, not really.
26:22Can you?
26:22You can if you have, say, a spirit stove and a kettle.
26:27Ah, right.
26:28I have one.
26:30Does it have to do with the temperature of the... of the... of the...
26:32Not the temperature.
26:34The boiling point.
26:34Boiling point.
26:35The boiling point, yeah.
26:35Yes.
26:36Ah.
26:37The temperature of boiling point at sea level is 100 degrees Celsius.
26:40But, every thousand feet up you go, boiling happens at one centigrade lower.
26:48Right.
26:48Mm-hmm.
26:48Right?
26:49So if you climb a thousand feet, then it's 99 degrees Celsius at which water boils.
26:56By the time you get to, say, Mont Blanc, it's about 84 degrees.
27:00And by the time you get to Everest, it's actually 70 degrees it boils up.
27:05But you can never be completely accurate because you don't...
27:07When mountains are heavy, they must be sinking all the time.
27:09Well, actually, Everest is growing by a tiny amount.
27:12Really?
27:12Every year gets a tiny, tiny bit taller.
27:15Certainly.
27:16Those dead big bulls.
27:19That's...
27:20That's...
27:21That's a terrible thought.
27:23But, conversely, if you were to try and boil an egg down in the Mariana Trench off the
27:27coast of California...
27:29You mean the deepest part of the ocean is...
27:30Couldn't get the fire to light.
27:32It would have to be.
27:32It's fine.
27:33There is that problem.
27:34But it would be 584 degrees before water boiled.
27:39So it would be far too hot.
27:40The higher you go, it could start boiling when it was...
27:43You could actually put your fingers in it and not get so burned.
27:45To do with air pressure?
27:47It's to do with pressure.
27:48It's to do with pressure.
27:48It's such a British notion, isn't it?
27:49I wonder how tall it is.
27:50Let's make tea.
27:51Exactly.
27:54That is tea.
27:55It's cold.
27:56It has a group on it.
27:57We couldn't live in this trench.
27:58You can't make tea.
28:00It's called hypsometry.
28:01The art of determining your height according to various metrics.
28:05There are other ways, not on a mountain, but to tell temperature.
28:09There are really extraordinary animal ways, which are surprisingly precise.
28:13Do you know about that?
28:14Do you know about that?
28:14You're in your bum.
28:15Mmm.
28:16Yep.
28:17The...
28:19The...
28:19I...
28:20I was saying...
28:22I was saying you look at the field cricket.
28:24Oh, of course.
28:25Sorry.
28:25Field cricket in your bum.
28:26If you listen...
28:28If you count the number of chirps...
28:31Yes.
28:31You're right.
28:31It's quite extraordinary.
28:32Below 13 degrees Celsius, it doesn't chirp at all.
28:36At which point, at 13 exactly, it chirps around 60 per minute.
28:40One a second, in other words.
28:41And then the rate increases with temperature.
28:43So a chirp rate of 140 a minute tells you it's 22 and a half degrees Celsius.
28:47So the quicker he's chirping, the hotter it is?
28:50Gosh.
28:51And it's quite reliable.
28:52I mean, as you see, we go to 22 and a half Celsius.
28:55Well, it makes sense now, when you think about when you've been in the hot country and
28:57you're tossing at night, you can't get off.
29:00And then...
29:00And then you hear...
29:02No.
29:03No.
29:04No.
29:04No.
29:05No.
29:06I'm simply not having it.
29:09Sounds like it.
29:17Do you know that you can tell what the weather's going to be like with your coffee?
29:20Yeah, if you get a cup of coffee, before you put milk in and so on, if the bubbles in
29:24the coffee go into the middle, I'm going to get this right, it's going to be low pressure.
29:28And if you go to the outside, it's going to be high pressure.
29:30So you can actually look at your coffee and you can tell if it's going to be a nice day
29:32or not.
29:33Or you can look out the window.
29:34But...
29:36You can also tell by the bubbles in your coffee.
29:38Well, there you are.
29:38That's the point.
29:39The simplest way to calculate the height of your mountain is to boil a kettle and measure
29:42its temperature.
29:43More record-breaking international cooperation, this time at the bottom of the sea.
29:47An Englishman and a Frenchman were drilling a tunnel under the channel.
29:50Who made sure they met in the middle?
29:54They all really dressed.
29:57The Frenchman is called Philippe Crozet, and the Englishman is called Graham Fag.
30:05And they did meet in the middle.
30:07I mean, they were like just 300 odd millimetres out.
30:10I mean, it was extraordinary how accurate it was.
30:12But what would they use to know exactly where they were?
30:14Sonar, I would imagine.
30:15Shouting?
30:15Not shouting.
30:16Not shouting.
30:17No.
30:18Just...
30:19Hello!
30:20You there!
30:22We are healed!
30:24Oh, we've gone past you!
30:26We've gone past you!
30:27We've gone past you!
30:27We're going back!
30:29So then they would just say, no, no, no, it's two tunnels.
30:32One is the next tunnel.
30:34We'll keep going!
30:34We'll keep going!
30:35Have you read Birdsong by Sebastian Paul?
30:37Indeed, yes.
30:38It's all about tunneling.
30:39The saps.
30:40It's a brilliant book.
30:42It's amazing.
30:42But they would tunnel underneath the enemy trenches.
30:47Yeah.
30:47Plant explosives, and then...
30:49But of course the other side were doing the same thing.
30:51So they would be...
30:52It's a brilliant novel.
30:53They're in the tunnel and everyone has to be completely quiet,
30:56and they can hear the Germans tunneling.
30:58Yeah.
30:59And they...
31:00Are they going to let the air bomb off?
31:02Are we going to let the air bomb off?
31:03I can't...
31:04See how quiet it's gone?
31:05That's how good the book is.
31:06I'm not going to tell you what happens.
31:08Yeah.
31:08But it's really good.
31:09It is.
31:10It'd be a Scot.
31:11It'd be an engineer.
31:12It wasn't a Scot, I'm afraid.
31:13Oh, come on.
31:13You'd think it would be.
31:14Well, is that Superman up the top there?
31:19It is Superman.
31:21It is.
31:21It is.
31:22What's Scottish?
31:22What's going on?
31:23They were told to wear high visibility clothing, and he did.
31:28He came straight from a party the night before.
31:31I think he did.
31:31Obviously, it was some celebration there.
31:33That machine that they used, they had it at the side of the motorway for ages after they'd
31:37finished the tunnel.
31:37It had a large sign on the side of it that just said, one careful owner.
31:42The French rather sweetly gave them names.
31:44Brigitte, Europa, Catherine, Virginie, Pascaline, and Severine.
31:48And they, after the tunnel, they dismantled them and rebuilt them and, you know, kept them.
31:52And the British didn't give them names, rather dully.
31:54And they made the machines burrow themselves into the ground where they just left them.
31:59Oh!
32:00That says it all, doesn't it?
32:02Doesn't it?
32:02I'm ashamed.
32:04I'm faintly ashamed.
32:05So who did get them to meet in the middle?
32:07A German invented a machine to do it.
32:10And the machine is called a gyro-theodolite.
32:13Because the problem is you can't know where you are underground, because you can't use a
32:16compass because of the magnetic ore in...
32:18Or GPS.
32:18Or GPS, because you haven't got line of sight, obviously, with the...
32:22Turn left.
32:22Yeah.
32:24So it uses being a gyro-theodolite...
32:27Do a U-turn.
32:27A U-turn where possible.
32:28When possible.
32:29Yes.
32:30Please do a U-turn.
32:31You are under the sea.
32:33Yeah.
32:33But no, what would a gyro-theodolite use to find out where you are and where north is?
32:40So gyro means?
32:42Revolving.
32:42Revolving.
32:43It's the rotation of the earth.
32:45Ah.
32:45Feels that.
32:46So it can work out where north is.
32:48Why don't you just ask Superman?
32:49Yeah, you just ask Superman.
32:51Who has a little place in the North Pole.
32:52That's the fact that Superman's got a hard hat.
32:53Come on, you're the man of steel!
32:56You're not too careful.
32:57Yeah.
32:58So it was a German invention.
32:59His name is Max Schuller.
33:00So the French had one of these machines and the British had one of these machines.
33:05They didn't meet halfway, however.
33:07Who had got furthest?
33:08The French or the English?
33:09Oh, the English, surely.
33:10No, we got furthest.
33:11It was the French, because the English were wondering about disposing of the earth out
33:15the bottom of their trousers.
33:19Making sure nobody could see.
33:22Just past the guy vaulting the horse will be fine, come on.
33:25We got further.
33:27Yes, but not because the French were lazy and work shy.
33:31Well, they were talking to their machines, weren't they?
33:33My beautiful machine.
33:35They had geological difficulties their end.
33:38Oh.
33:39We are experiencing geological difficulties at the moment, mon petit cher.
33:42But soon, it could all be good.
33:45Well, they're giving their names the truth.
33:46Let's see, English do they work on.
33:48Yeah.
33:49The main esteem of the German who made, what was it?
33:52A gyroscopic theodolite?
33:54Yes.
33:55Because I've got to say a brilliant invention, but not a huge market.
33:58No, you're right.
34:00That's unfortunately true.
34:01There's just not enough tunnels being built there.
34:03They have sold two.
34:04Yeah.
34:08All going very well.
34:10We were hoping for sales of one, but that's only two.
34:16There was a man called Colonel Barog who could have used it in India
34:20when they were doing a tunnel for the railway there,
34:22and they missed, and he went home and shot himself.
34:27He was so ashamed.
34:28Did he hit?
34:29Yeah.
34:37Yes, the ends of the Channel Tunnel met in the middle
34:40thanks to a clever German invention called a gyro theodolite.
34:42But now the time has come for us to abandon the uplands of knowledge
34:46and clunge headfirst into the yawning abyss of general ignorance.
34:50Oh, fingers on buzzers, if you'll be so kind.
34:51Name a country where English is the official language.
34:59Oh, my children.
35:02Yes.
35:04Wales.
35:05Yes.
35:06Is the right answer.
35:07Very good.
35:10Any others?
35:12Scotland.
35:15England.
35:16England.
35:18No, it isn't.
35:20I'm afraid not.
35:22India?
35:23No, it isn't.
35:24India?
35:24No, it isn't.
35:24No, it isn't.
35:25Yes, I think it is an official language, isn't it?
35:27It is, isn't it?
35:27Yes, absolutely.
35:28Absolutely right.
35:29Very good.
35:30Yeah.
35:31France.
35:33No, darling.
35:34No, it isn't.
35:35Do you know when you're thinking, and you're thinking to yourself,
35:37is it?
35:38It sounds crazy, but then there's a part that says,
35:40go on, be brave, leap into the abyss, go for it.
35:43Odd use of the word thinking.
35:44So...
35:47Why would you...
35:49We haven't got an official language.
35:51No, because the point is, it's just never arisen here.
35:53An official language is defined as one, which in statute is enshrined in the legal system
35:59as a language that is officially can be used in documentation.
36:03In English, it's never arisen.
36:04In America, nor has it arisen.
36:06Although Theodore Roosevelt and others said that everybody should learn English,
36:09it's not an official language.
36:11Every time they've suggested it should be, the Hispanic population has complained.
36:14Maybe they just make them both official languages, as they are in California.
36:18In Canada, it's an official language, because again, French is an official language, therefore English is.
36:22Australia?
36:23No, not in Australia.
36:24So what's the deal with the map?
36:27It's to show English-speaking countries, and to lure you into our web.
36:31Yes, but it worked.
36:32It did, I'm afraid.
36:33Yes, there are many countries in which English is the official language,
36:36but England isn't one of them.
36:38Where do modern Huns live?
36:42Hunniford.
36:44Huntington.
36:45Huntington.
36:47Germany.
36:48Germany.
36:48Oh!
36:50The Amino.
36:54Any offers?
36:55Come on.
36:57Why do we associate them with Germany?
36:59The Hun.
36:59The Hun.
37:00Why were the Germans called the Hun and when?
37:03The Huns are ancient, that's an ancient.
37:04The Huns are ancient people, but it's only, it was only ever applied to the Germans in 1910,
37:09and it was all the Kaiser's fault.
37:10Much was the Kaiser's fault.
37:12Yeah.
37:12He made a speech in 1910, when he was sending German troops off to China.
37:17Look at that outfit!
37:18I love those, look at them.
37:19I know.
37:19They're good, aren't they?
37:21Some of you get up, oh God, I'm stuck again.
37:25He was sending troops off to China to fight in the Boxer Wars,
37:29and he said, we will take no prisoners, we will show no mercy,
37:31we will sweep down on them like the Hun.
37:34He was merely comparing himself to Attila the Hun.
37:36The Huns didn't come from Germany at all.
37:38It's Mongolian or somewhere.
37:39Well, they came from the East, certainly,
37:41and they actually weren't a people, they were an army.
37:44Whatever country you came from, you could join the Hun army.
37:47Attila was the most famous, of course.
37:48Did you ever, in your time as rector at Dundee, Stephen Trink,
37:52in Many's or the Speedwell Tavern?
37:54Yes, I remember the Speedwell, yes.
37:55And in the 70s, when I was a student there,
37:58it was owned by a chap called Ian Thompson,
38:00who had a German wife called Connie,
38:03who used to stand at the cash register,
38:06and her nickname was the Hun at the Till.
38:08Oh, very good.
38:11Very good.
38:18So, the answer is basically that the Huns were more of an army than a tribe,
38:23and there isn't a modern country which can claim to be descended from them.
38:25What do you suffer from if you're afraid of heights?
38:28Vertigo.
38:29Vertigo?
38:30No.
38:32It's all out of Hitchcock's fault.
38:34No, I...
38:35It's Hitchcock's fault, but vertigo is not a fear of heights.
38:37It's a specific condition of dizziness.
38:39Sometimes people who are afraid of heights get vertigo,
38:42but most people who are afraid of heights have a particular phobia.
38:45What's the name for it?
38:47Heitophobia.
38:48Yes.
38:48Usually we use Greek, don't we though?
38:54So, there's a high city in Greece.
38:58Acropolis.
38:59Acropolis.
39:00An acrobat flies high, so it's acrophobia.
39:04Acro.
39:04Acro.
39:05As opposed to agoraphobia.
39:05As opposed to agoraphobia.
39:07Ah.
39:07It's the only thing the guy's gone a bit far to take a photo of his shoes.
39:11That's a good, isn't it?
39:12But yes, you remember the movie Vertigo, I'm sure, one of Hitchcock's greatest,
39:15with James Stewart and Kim Novak and so on.
39:17Do you know the story is that James Stewart smuggled the Yeti's,
39:20just to take us back to the Yeti,
39:22that it was James Stewart who smuggled the Yeti's hand out of India
39:26and took it to the United States where it was examined.
39:28Did you know that?
39:29It was James Stewart and his wife Gloria,
39:30and they thought they'll never check his luggage,
39:33and he put it in Gloria's underwear,
39:34put it in the luggage, and it was transported out of India
39:36and taken to the United States.
39:39I know it's a strange connection between Vertigo and the Yeti.
39:42It's a very good one, and it's nice to weave and link in that fashion.
39:45It's quite interesting.
39:46Indeed.
39:46Lots of people say they're scared of heights,
39:49but I don't really think they are actually scared of heights,
39:51because everyone's scared of heights to a degree.
39:55Is it to do with perspective?
39:56I would say it's a pretty straightforward logical evolutionary defence
39:59against the fact that this is not a safe place to be.
40:02Like in I'm a celebrity where some of them don't like the rope bridge.
40:05That's the perfect example of what we're talking about.
40:08Yes.
40:09Well done.
40:13The fear of heights is called acrophobia.
40:16Vertigo is a spinning or whirling sensation experienced when stationary.
40:20At which point on the earth is furthest from the centre?
40:24The centre of the earth, which point is furthest from the centre?
40:27There's a point on it.
40:28The top of Mount Everest.
40:29The top of Mount Everest.
40:30The top of Mount Everest.
40:32Those sands are not.
40:33You'd think it would be because it's...
40:35Yes, I wouldn't think it would be.
40:36Very much so.
40:38It'd be in the highest point.
40:40Oh no.
40:40Therefore furthest away.
40:41Is it the south pole?
40:42I've got one in the pole.
40:43The earth isn't round, is it?
40:45The earth is a funny shape.
40:46Yes.
40:46It's a trick question.
40:47It's flattened at the poles.
40:49It's flattened at the poles.
40:50I've had the south pole.
40:51It's flattening near it.
40:52Yeah, okay.
40:52It's an oblate spheroid.
40:54It bulges at the equator.
40:56That's the point.
40:56Somewhere in Japan?
40:58No, not Japan.
40:59We're in South America.
41:01At the end of these.
41:02At the end of your army.
41:04Annapurna.
41:05Not Annapurna.
41:06It's Chimborazo.
41:08Of course.
41:09Chimborazo.
41:10Chimborazo.
41:10At a time people thought, what's the highest mountain on earth?
41:13It's 20 and a half thousand feet.
41:15High enough for me.
41:16Oh yes.
41:16Very, very high.
41:17But because it's so close to the equator, it's kind of on the bulge part.
41:22It's only a degree off the exact equator.
41:24So it ends up as being 1.3 miles further from the center of the earth than Everest.
41:32And snow on the equator, that's quite unusual.
41:34Yeah.
41:35And do you know how you should say Everest?
41:38If you say, because it's named after...
41:41Everest double blazing.
41:42Not.
41:43No.
41:44I think the boot may be on the other foot there.
41:47It was named after George of that name, who was a surveyor general in India.
41:51But he pronounced it, his own name, Everest.
41:53Everest.
41:54Everest.
41:55Everest.
41:55Yeah.
41:56Mount Everest.
41:57Mount Everest.
41:58I like that.
41:59Oh look, the tea's not boiling on Mount Everest.
42:01You are.
42:03Yeah.
42:03Which brings us very neatly to the high point of our evening.
42:07The scores.
42:07And suffering altitude sickness in first place is Fred McCauley with eight points.
42:12Oh.
42:16Fred is closely followed by the high-flying six-pointer Sandy Topsby.
42:25In third place we have with one point the mildly adventurous Rob Brydon.
42:32That's amazing.
42:34Merking down in a Mariana trench of his own making with minus 39 is Alan Davis.
42:41Wow.
42:47Well, it only remains for me to thank Sandy, Rob, Fred and Alan and to leave you with this
42:51timely proverb about the dangers of overreaching yourself and ambition.
42:55The higher a monkey climbs, the more you can see of its bottom.
42:59Good night.
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