- 7 minutes ago
The (Almost) Graduate
Wyatt tries to impress the older Serena by making her believe that he is more mature than she thinks. Meanwhile, Caitlin and Jonesy get an interview at Albatross & Finch, and Jonesy surprisingly gets employed due to his arrogance appealing to Albatross & Finch's self-centered employees.
Wyatt tries to impress the older Serena by making her believe that he is more mature than she thinks. Meanwhile, Caitlin and Jonesy get an interview at Albatross & Finch, and Jonesy surprisingly gets employed due to his arrogance appealing to Albatross & Finch's self-centered employees.
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TVTranscript
00:00Times Less
00:10Dude what you stalking a sonic whirling assault lashing the ear with its wailing teenage angst-driven fury
00:17Whoa, is that good? Who knows? I'm too scared to listen to it. Hey Wyatt
00:23What's the name of that new album that you were playing last night back off my chow by dog toy?
00:27All right, thanks. No tacos allowed in the store Jude
00:32What taco
00:34Nice and very nice
00:38Dude are you all right? Of course I am. Why wouldn't I be every time that Serena chick shows up
00:44you do something stupid
00:45I do not I found it
00:50Like that all right, so I really like her
00:53I mean, you know, we've got out for coffee a couple times and then there was Valentine's Day
00:57But she's a year older than me dude. What are you waiting for go and ask her out again?
01:03I don't know. Maybe those are just like pity dates not even dates more like pity coffee
01:08I think she's way out of my league dude. You're wigging out. You've just gotta show her. You can be
01:13mature and refined too
01:16This coming from a guy who threw up in his girlfriend's mouth
01:23No way! Duh, I am so there. Are you crazy? It's only the opportunity of a lifetime
01:30Later
01:33Hey, I have the best news
01:35You are looking at the soon-to-be newest greeter goddess at Albatross and Finch
01:40Nice! So they hired you
01:42Oh, no, not yet. You have to go through a very rigorous interview process. It starts today
01:47Aren't the staff there a bit stuck up?
01:50Sure, but wouldn't you be? It's like the best job in the mall
01:53Really? Well, as long as you're still schlepping lemons, slide me a large swirly
01:58You only order those when you get fired or dumped
02:01I got fired from engrave this cuz my spelling sucks. Did you know there was a T in Christmas?
02:08Um, yeah
02:10Maybe I should come try out too now that I'm out of a job again
02:15No offense, but I don't think you're Albatross and Finch material
02:19Says who?
02:21The greeter gods are like a secret society. They almost never let in outside members only legacies
02:27Okay, what's a legacy and why aren't I one?
02:29It means the jobs are handed down from generation to generation based on the presumption that coolness is in the
02:36jeans
02:37That's it? Well, look no further people ain't nothing but coolness in these jeans
02:44Okay, fine. Come if you want to see you out front in an hour
02:51Oh, yeah
02:54What's up?
02:55Hey, on your break?
02:57No, just bored
02:59Me too
03:00Hey, want to mess with coach Halder?
03:03Definitely
03:06So what's it gonna be sport?
03:08Well, the leather is quite nice to the touch, but then the plastic one is cheaper
03:15Well, you've got five seconds left on the clock to make that call step up to the plate mister throw
03:19the pass
03:25That was the funniest thing I've ever seen
03:27Did you hear him scream?
03:28Oh yeah, like a little girl
03:31Got any more ideas?
03:33What are you kidding?
03:35Okay, I'm gonna need a fishing pole, a dollar bill, and some 50 pound line
03:42Ladies?
03:43Hey, Jonesy! Wyatt wants to ask Serena out, but he's scared because she's way too mature for him
03:50Dude, just take control of the situation
03:53Show her you're a man
03:55You don't get it
03:56Every time I try to talk to her I
03:58Turn into a wuss?
04:00Something like that
04:00All right, I've had enough of this
04:02Yo, Serena, could you come over here for a minute?
04:07Hey, what are you doing?
04:10Here she comes, don't blow it
04:12Did you call me, Wyatt?
04:14I, uh, I...
04:16Is something wrong, Wyatt?
04:18I wanted to talk to you because I, I, uh, really like you
04:25Aw, man, he blew it
04:28Totally choked
04:29I like you too, Wyatt
04:31Really?
04:31Well, now that we've gone out a few times, I just wondered, uh...
04:36Go in for the kill
04:37Do it, dude
04:39I was wondering if you'd consider maybe, uh, being...
04:44Being?
04:45Boyfriend and girlfriend, with me
04:48Wyatt, I really like you, but...
04:51I'm kind of older than you
04:53Only by a year
04:54I'm practically in college, I only have eight credits left to go
04:58I'm going to college too, one day
05:00I just think, I'm out of my high school boy phase
05:03I need a more mature guy who can understand my needs, you know?
05:07I'm sorry, can we just be friends?
05:10Sure, no problem
05:13Well, that sucked
05:15Crashed and burned, huh, dude?
05:17That would sum it up, yeah
05:18Dude, that was pathetic
05:20Would you maybe consider wah, wah, wah?
05:23You've gotta sell what you've got
05:25Yeah, dude, you've got a good package
05:28I think you mean I've got the whole package
05:31What's the use?
05:32Well, if you're giving up on this hottie, I feel it's my duty to take my shoddy
05:37The poet laureate speaks
05:40Hey, babe
05:41Yes?
05:42I understand a mature woman like yourself would seek someone more refined
05:46But you have so much to offer a young guy such as myself
05:50Oh, really?
05:52Think of it
05:52You could help nurture an unformed soul
05:55Oh, nurturing
05:56Yes, that's what I wanted to do Saturday night
05:59Why would you want some over-the-hill frat boy
06:02When you could have an adoring young stud on your arm
06:05Who's at your beck and call every Saturday night
06:08Look away, dude
06:09Just look away
06:11I can't believe I'm saying this, but you're actually making sense
06:15Think of us as eager little puppies
06:18We're easily trainable
06:19That's true
06:21So, are we on tonight, Shorty?
06:25Wyatt?
06:26I've changed my mind about us
06:28Meet me after our shift and we'll give it a shot, okay?
06:32Oh, yeah
06:33Who's the man, huh?
06:35Cool, dude
06:36She wasn't my type anyway
06:37Yeah, I think she digs smart guys
06:40Hey!
06:44Finally!
06:45Where have you been?
06:47Scoring Wyatt a date, then the hot dog stand
06:50Ready?
06:52Gotcha
06:55This is so huge
06:58By tomorrow, I could be just like them
07:02What, bored?
07:03No, beautiful
07:05And popular
07:07These clothes look like someone else already wore them
07:09Yeah, that's the idea
07:11They're vintage wash
07:13Well, excuse me
07:14Just seems kind of dumb
07:16Shh
07:16If I wanted used clothes, I'd...
07:18Would you shut up?
07:19Let's just get to the auditions
07:21Let's just get to the auditions
07:24I can't believe it
07:25Your abs are ripped, dude
07:30You're up
07:30This is it
07:33Hey, good luck, dude
07:34I hope he takes rejection well
07:36Okay, I've been working on my facial expressions
07:39The bored smirk
07:42The aloof stare
07:45Whoa, I felt that one
07:47Totally
07:48And how about
07:49The hoodies are in the back sneer
07:52I don't get what the big deal is
07:54I mean, it's just a store
07:58He suffered a concussion recently
08:00Skiing and Whistler
08:01That makes sense
08:03Okay, that was creepy
08:06Ow!
08:07Do not blow this for me
08:09Hey, I've got a few expressions up my sleeve, sweetheart
08:12Check out my
08:13I'm hotter than you stare
08:17It looks more like you have to go to the bathroom
08:19Yeah, I kind of do
08:24Nice going
08:25I could have gotten in here without your help, you know
08:27It was a foolproof plan
08:29How was I supposed to know he was so cheap
08:31He'd follow a dollar bill right into a climbing wall
08:33Yeah, well, I'm going to be on probation for the rest of my life
08:37Huh
08:37I wonder how they remove a fish hook from a nose anyway
08:41No, you don't understand
08:43I'm a people person
08:44A people person
08:46Please
08:47Have a little dignity, son
08:49No
08:51Gee, thanks
08:59Okay, I so want to work here
09:02Yeah, we got that
09:04Why?
09:06If you have to work retail
09:07Albatross and Finch is like the only socially acceptable store
09:10The 94 Spring Catalog changed my life
09:20I have all the required facial expressions
09:23Don't ask me, because I don't care
09:28You'd look fat in anything
09:32I could go to the back and check, but I won't
09:37So, how about you?
09:39Just got fired
09:40Didn't have anything better to do
09:42Hmm
09:43Hey
09:45Is this going to take much longer?
09:49That's it, wait outside
09:50What was that?
09:53I just hope they don't hold you against me
09:58Okay, I'm going to call out the names of our new greeter gods
10:02If you don't hear your name, it basically means you're not cool enough
10:07Oh
10:09Jonesy
10:09What?
10:10Who, me?
10:11Why?
10:12Well, you have that detached, self-involved egotism that Albatross and Finch stands for
10:18Thanks
10:18I guess
10:20Welcome to our crew
10:22Okay, that's it
10:23That's it?
10:25No, wait!
10:26I love this place!
10:27I live for this place!
10:29Can I at least come on the annual ski trip?
10:32I can't watch
10:33She really wanted this job
10:35Everyone wants this job
10:37Come on
10:38Let's get you into training
10:39No, wait!
10:41I belong here!
10:42I do!
10:44I feel your pain, sister
10:46I feel your pain
10:51So, how do I impress her?
10:58I mean, she's mature and I'm just not
11:01Don't sweat it
11:02Yeah, of the six of us, you're like, the third most mature
11:06Wait, who's more mature than me?
11:08Well, Nikki, except for today
11:10Thank you
11:11And me
11:12You are not more mature
11:14And so
11:15Are not
11:16And so
11:16Nikki, tell him I'm more mature
11:18Gee, you both make such convincing arguments
11:21Okay, I need some relationship advice
11:23Hmm, Caitlin reads all those magazines
11:26Maybe she can help you
11:27Yes, that's good
11:28Come on
11:32I hear you, brah
11:33But you're not a loser
11:35Take a couple of deep breaths
11:37There
11:38Now, don't you feel better?
11:40Guys, I think he's finally lost it
11:43I still think you're cool
11:45Uh, Jude
11:46What are you doing?
11:47Caitlin locked herself inside the lemon
11:50And she won't come out
11:51Caitlin
11:52Are you okay?
11:53Go away
11:55What's the matter?
11:56Jonesy got hired at Albatross and Finch and I didn't
12:01It's so unfair
12:02He'll be going on cargo encounter weekend
12:05Folding seminars in Banff
12:07Parties at cabins on the lake
12:09And I won't
12:13Oh, don't cry, Caitlin
12:14I've heard those parties aren't even that fun
12:17Have you seen the catalogs?
12:19Jude, show them
12:23It does look kind of cool
12:25Except for people who work at a clothing store
12:28They sure don't pack many clothes
12:31Caitlin, please come out
12:33People are starting to stare
12:35Oh, what?
12:36And you've never talked to Big Giant Fruit before?
12:38Oh, my
12:39I'm not coming out
12:40Okay, I know you're bummed
12:42But I need your help with a relationship problem
12:44I'm desperate
12:48What kind of relationship problem?
12:50She's an older woman and I need to learn to act mature
12:54And I'm the only person in the whole world who could help you?
12:58Look who I have to choose from
13:00Hey
13:06I guess I could help then
13:08Oh, thank you
13:09Uh, you might want to fix yourself up a bit
13:14Oh, I'm hideous, aren't I?
13:17Oh, no, no
13:17Totally babelicious
13:19Really?
13:21Okay
13:22Thanks, guys
13:26Why are we hiding in these bushes?
13:28To watch how mature couples behave in their natural habitat
13:31Observe
13:32The mature man never holds hands
13:35He puts his arm protectively around his partner
13:37In a mating stance that says
13:39I'm mature and ready to commit to this woman
13:41Arm around her waist
13:43Got it
13:53Dude
13:56Note that the mature male is more calm and confident
13:59Not prone to displays of plumage or loud outbursts
14:02The mature male seems a bit boring
14:04Not to the mature female
14:06See how she rewards him with signs of her affection?
14:09Huh
14:14This is getting boring
14:16They haven't talked in half an hour
14:17Mature couples are comfortable with silence
14:20What did you notice about the mature male's order?
14:23Uh, it arrived promptly?
14:25No
14:26The mature male orders mature food
14:29No french fries
14:30A salad
14:31The more strange the salad, the more mature it is
14:34So, a green salad?
14:37Not that mature
14:38Sun-dried tomato and goat cheese?
14:40Mature
14:40The mature male pays the bill and doesn't complain about it
14:44Being mature is expensive, then
14:46Do you want Serena to go for you or not?
14:48Okay, okay
14:50Where did they go?
14:51I don't know
14:54You're freaking us out
14:55Sorry
14:59I gotta go
15:00Serena's about to come off shift
15:01I've given you all the tools you need
15:04You're ready
15:04Thanks, Caitlyn
15:05Wish me luck
15:06Luck?
15:08Gosh, I'm good
15:09So, did helping Wyatt take your mind off of Albatross and Finch?
15:18Nice
15:19Nice
15:25Hi
15:26Oh yeah, this job rocks
15:30Those pants are so cool
15:32Pulverize low-slung camping short sizes 30 through 38 back of the store
15:37Thanks, dude
15:38I am so good at this
15:41Yo, new guy
15:42It's our policy to ignore customers outright
15:44How will they find what they're looking for?
15:48That's not our problem
15:51This place is so stupid
15:54Then again
16:00Is something wrong, Wyatt?
16:02No
16:03Why?
16:04You haven't said a word since we met at the record store
16:06I'm comfortable with silence
16:09Okay, then
16:10Can I take your order?
16:12Do you have a goat cheese salad?
16:14Goat's cheese?
16:16Uh...
16:16I'll have a green salad
16:18Right
16:19And to drink?
16:20Can I have a margarita?
16:22Can I see some ID?
16:24Uh...
16:25Virgin margarita coming right up
16:27For you?
16:28A hot dog and fries, please
16:29You got it, honey
16:31One hot dog and fries
16:32And a salad for the fancy boy
16:45Just so you know
16:46I wanted to take you to see that new political documentary
16:49Oh, that's cool
16:56Hey there
16:56You've got to help me, man
16:58I'm with Serena
16:59And I can't do anything right
17:00Dude
17:0110 gigs
17:02400 seniors in a pool
17:04What can go wrong?
17:05Is that Jerry and Pete get busted?
17:07I love that movie
17:08That's my point
17:09Caitlin tried to show me how to act mature
17:11But it's not working
17:12Dude, I just got puke on
17:15You got so busted
17:16I'll bet she's so sorry
17:18She went out with me right now
17:22This is just like the seniors party last year, remember?
17:26No
17:27Wyatt?
17:27Dude, girls don't know what girls want
17:30That sounds so ridiculous that I'm tempted to believe you
17:33Believe it
17:34All women, young and old
17:36Want a man to tell them what they want to hear
17:40Quick, give me one of your best lines
17:44I can't say that
17:47Gotta go
17:48Good luck, buddy
17:49Jonesy?
17:50Jonesy?
17:50Wyatt?
17:51Are you okay?
17:53Baby
17:53Uh
17:54You may be older than me
17:56But
17:57I'm the Discovery Channel
17:59And you've just got cable
18:01What's with you today?
18:03Dude, if you're gonna use cheesy lines like that
18:05Can you at least take it outside?
18:10Oh, man
18:10I must be desperate to impress you
18:12If I'm stupid to using Jonesy's lines
18:14You mean that's why you've been putting on this act all night?
18:17Well, you're so mature
18:19And together
18:20And beautiful
18:21I really wanted this date to work out
18:23You know
18:23I like your lines a lot better, Wyatt
18:26So
18:27What now?
18:29I have a great idea
18:30Come on
18:38What are you doing?
18:39Ah!
18:40Nothing
18:41Just buying
18:43Hey
18:43Only the Greeter girls get to purchase this combination
18:46Of tube top
18:47And cargo skirts
18:48Hmm
18:49But
18:50I can't believe this
18:51Was she trying to buy
18:53Our uniform?
18:55Yeah
18:55How sad is that?
18:57We don't let just anybody
18:59Dress like us
19:02Please, please, please
19:03That's it
19:04I've had enough of these Greeter snobs for one day
19:06Time to shake this place up a bit
19:09We're beautiful
19:10We are the chosen ones
19:12We're
19:13Okay
19:13What is that?
19:19Nobody makes fun of my girl
19:26What are you doing?
19:27Just acting like the guys in your catalog, bro
19:30Trying to support the team
19:34Dude, you are so fired
19:36And you are way too lame for us to hang out with
19:39Yeah!
19:41Come on, Caitlin
19:42Let's blow this chicken coop
19:46Um, you can put your cargoes back on now
19:55And then you moon the entire store
19:57Cool
19:58Once again, you've managed to sneak up and impress me
20:01And you did it by mooning people
20:02Go figure
20:03Hey, when you've got a rear view this good
20:06You can't hide it forever
20:07And then you go and blow it again
20:10Hey, guys
20:11Hi
20:11Hey, dude
20:12Hey, guys
20:12We just rode the vomit comet 11 times
20:15It was such a blast
20:17I felt like a little kid again
20:18Again?
20:20Huh?
20:20Nice try, Junior
20:21Hey, you're only one year older
20:23A year and a half
20:25Ooh, missed me
20:27Yeah, you better run
20:32Real mature, dude
20:33Yeah, you better run
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