00:01in December of 2010 my friends and I decided to go see it's a wonderful life
00:06on the big screen it seemed like something we all needed after all it had
00:10been a crazy couple days it all started with a pregnancy test this is taking
00:15forever make sure you did it right is there a wrong way to pee on a stick hey
00:22can I ask you a question that's plagued me for years can girls aim um can boys
00:27aim because it seems to me like I'm taking a mop to that bathroom floor every
00:31two days okay you're the one who put the far side calendar up over the toilet you
00:34know I laugh at my whole body it's been two minutes one two three
00:55I'm pregnant what I've never seen that woman before in my life sorry of course I have it
01:01congratulations to Lillian Marshall well thank you I mean we've never been happier
01:09can't imagine anything bringing me down right now you're not pregnant well that did it
01:30kids this is the story of the 36 hours we all thought Lily was pregnant and how it caused each
01:34of us to re-examine our own lives because while this was happening make sure you did it right
01:39I was on the phone with punchy my best friend from high school who had recently asked me to be
01:43his best
01:44man yeah punchy I give him this some serious thought I think I know how we can crush these
01:47floral arrangements uh here it comes hit me up schmoes peonies lavender blossoms with a halo of
01:54baby's breath for an ambiance of springtime rejuvenation crushed it that's exactly the
02:00accent of whimsy this celebration of love needs it's gonna be a magical day I know what you're thinking
02:07I wish I was a dude I do wish you were a dude because if I was a dude I
02:12could have Ted Mosby as
02:13my best man no and here's why Ted the best man's job is not to crush the floral arrangements it's
02:21to
02:21get the groom down the aisle because no matter who he is he will freak out and I just don't
02:27think you
02:27have what it takes to get that soldier to pick up his rifle and charge up the hill uh are
02:32you
02:32forgetting I've done this before I was Marshall's best man and how did that go again oh for one oh
02:41come on that wasn't my fault and need I remind you I gave a beautiful test Ted oh do you
02:49take one to
02:50be your lawfully-witted wife oh god I'm freaking out why did I choose Ted to be my best man
02:55yeah it's
02:58hard to take criticism from someone who just recorded seven episodes of million dollar heads
03:01or tails kids million dollar heads or tails was an extremely popular show with an extremely simple
03:07premise all right your practice flip came up tails but our Vegas odds maker tells us that the next toss
03:13is still just 50 50 and so Jordan for one million dollars heads or tails what was the year of
03:27the coin again why this sudden obsession with heads or tails well it turns out that heads or tails has
03:34a job opening heads
03:38Marnie flip that coin so now because of that incident heads or tails is looking for a new currency rotation
03:47specialist you mean coin flip bimbo they're not bimbos you auditioned didn't you
03:58and you're Canadian
04:01Robin aside from that coin this is the other thing that's flipping right now what is my lid for you
04:08you're
04:10the new coin flip bimbo currency rotation specialist Robin you better check yourself before you trip back
04:17yourself you're a journalist what is the matter with you it's a national audience I get to wear shiny dresses
04:23Robin have you forgotten about your new year's resolution I'm never drinking again
04:30no before that I am gonna finish this whole bottle a night before that too
04:38I moved here to work for a big time cable news channel like worldwide news well by this time next
04:45year
04:45I will be wearing a worldwide news ID badge around my neck and to show you that I'm serious
04:51this is my first and only drink of the night oh damn that's smooth I thought you finally got that
05:01interview at worldwide news well I did but they only offered me a boring low-paid off-camera research job
05:07which could be a stepping stone to bigger things in your career so could heads or tails the first currency
05:13rotation specialist went on to be a semi-finalist on the bachelor and then she lost like a hundred
05:20pounds on the biggest loser and now she's totally winning celebrity rehab it seemed like there was
05:25no changing Robin's mind but what we didn't realize was that in a few minutes our whole world was going
05:30to be
05:30turned upside down I'm pregnant what now kids when your friends have great news you're happy for them
05:37for like a millisecond and then you start thinking about yourself oh my god they're really having a
05:44baby what am I doing with my life starting Monday I'm a currency rotations but oh who am I kidding
05:50I'm a coin flip bimbo and I'm still single okay let's not go there Shcherbatsky that's a whole other
05:55thing I gotta take that worldwide news job and so the next night we had two things to celebrate
06:01well you are looking at the new associate researcher at worldwide news oh my gosh that's
06:08amazing what changed your mind Marshall and Lily I just realized that I am about to have a little
06:14knees who looks up to me and I don't want to be sad and Robin the aging coin flip bimbo
06:19who gives her
06:19the creeps I want to be cool and Robin the respected journalist who gives her beer what what oh I
06:28have
06:28never seen you guys looking so at peace to Lillian Marshall well thank you I mean we've never been
06:36happier so the next day Robin called heads or tails to respectfully decline hi Mr. Trebek this is Robin
06:43Shcherbatsky but at that moment you're not pregnant as honored as I am by the offer um oh my god
06:54they're not having a baby what am I getting all up in my head about that research job sounds hard
07:00and I'm pretty I'm really really pretty you're looking at the new coin flip bimbo
07:20you took the heads or tails job what about worldwide news your ID badge you made a new
07:26year's resolution okay I also said I would never make out with a garbage man life is what happens
07:31when you're busy making other plans it's with a gingerbread house we're seeing a Christmas movie
07:37it's a Christmas themed movie snack let's hope Santa brings your girlfriend this year Teddy
07:43where the hell is Barney where was Barney let's back up again you see while this was going on
07:50it's positive it's positive this was happening and now she's totally winning celebrity rehab
07:56hey guys a yuletide riddle what is my second favorite word that begins with b-o-n Bon Jovi what
08:06is my third favorite word that begins with b-o-n bonus as in my end of the year bonus
08:14check my god Barney
08:17I work for GNB too all I got was a $15 gift card to Costa coffee and you earned it
08:22buddy check out
08:25what I'm gonna buy for myself the DiBiase see those pinstripes diamonds it is the uppest a person could
08:34ever suit uh has it ever occurred to you to give some of this to charity charity you're seriously
08:40talking to me about charity dude I am mr. charity I frequently sleep with sixes chubsters over 30s I am
08:51the Bill and Melinda Gates of the sympathy bank hey guys quick announcement let me guess you got a
08:59huge bonus check too no just a $30 gift card to Costa coffee 30 I'm pregnant what I've never seen
09:07that
09:07a woman before in my life sorry course I have it congratulations huh Marshall and Lily are doing
09:14something meaningful and it's making me less happy about this bonus and I'm still single at least I got
09:21that going for me so why do I still feel outside of awesome looking in what am I doing with
09:27my life
09:29we've never been happier can't imagine anything bringing me down right now oh Marshall you only
09:35think you're happy just wait because tonight is Barney's favorite thing that was the reaction Barney
09:50expected this was the one he got huh I don't know what that is Barney's favorite things I'm gonna give
09:58y'all a bunch of free stuff like Oprah just get excited okay the next hour got pretty weird velour
10:07tracksuit
10:20and last but not least there is a fleet of limos outside waiting to take us to a strip club
10:50I've seen some things I'm not going back either I'm taking the rest of my bonus to God's strip club
11:00the next day he paid a visit to the most charitable man he knew his half-brother's father Sam Gibbs
11:05a
11:06minister at a church out on Long Island Sam uh father I don't mean father father unless what's up
11:13buddy I'm thinking about giving some money to charity is that the name of the stripper you've been
11:19emailing me about you gotta take me off the list Barney no I don't mean that charity that charity is
11:26doing
11:26and peachy because he picks the two of them in next week's email what up Barney I'm a minister
11:34unsubscribed I recently started giving and it felt surprisingly good I want to do more oh now you're
11:41talking we have this program that helps those in need get back on their feet we give them a food
11:46a place
11:47live clothes job interviews I would love to help by writing a check for one zero zero zero you're not
12:00pregnant zero whoops hold on a second wait they're not doing something meaningful with their lives well
12:11this changes everything oh no I've already written four zeros thank you decimal point one hundred dollars
12:25that's great thank you Bonnie diamond suited up hey Ted can you spot me for the movie I don't like
12:39to carry a lot of cash
12:45what what happened to giving the money away yeah that was back when Lily was pregnant now she's not
12:50ergo a suit is born dude what's up with a gingerbread house you look ridiculous it's a Christmas themed
12:57movie snack oh I know that move you cut a hole in the floor she reaches into the living room
13:03finds the tree
13:04oh holy night nice hella Marshall and Lily let's back up one last time I'm pregnant what I've never
13:16seen that woman before in my life sorry force of habit congratulations this is great I'm happy I'm so
13:24happy my heart's pounding and I'm sweating and I can't breathe this is what happiness feels like
13:30great oh crap Lily's having a baby and I'm having a panic attack I hope she can't tell what I'm
13:35thinking right now I can and I'm freaking out too there's an alien growing in my stomach that's gonna
13:41explode out of my vagina do you think the others can tell we're freaking out what am I doing with
13:45my
13:46life what am I doing with my life I should get a Christmas themed movie snack for tomorrow night
13:51they're totally on to us what do we do just keep smiling maybe wave no don't wave that makes no
13:57sense
13:57I'm committed I'm riding this wave straight to hell let's leave then the waving will make sense
14:03so Lily and Marshall headed home Lily we have to relax there's no need to panic true there's a lot
14:09to do but we've got nine months to prepare so I say that we just make a list of everything
14:13that
14:13needs to get done before the baby arrives and do everything on that list tonight let's do it
14:39oh god it's eight o'clock we're supposed to meet the gang at the bar to celebrate oh god okay
14:43listen
14:43when we meet them we have to keep it together can you keep it together I have never seen you
14:50guys
14:50looking so at peace to Lily and Marshall well thank you I mean we've never been happier
14:59this is a nightmare we've done everything wrong the jerky boys are funny they are awful you know what
15:14fine if you don't think the jerky boys are funny then I'm not sure that I can raise a child
15:18with you
15:18liver lips I know okay I don't like it either it's like I have a hot burning ball of stress
15:29in my chest
15:31and nothing will make it go away you're not pregnant well that did it I know this probably comes as
15:37quite a
15:39disappointment yeah huge bummer so disappointing hey you guys okay yeah why wouldn't we be oh the baby
15:54thing oh yeah whatever oh Christmas themed movie snack nice don't reach into the living room
16:03wow I thought you guys would be devastated oh you know we're actually kind of relieved we were
16:09freaking out for about a day and a half there yeah this whole thing got us thinking maybe we're not
16:14ready for kids yet after all yeah we were thinking maybe we would just get a dog get a puppy
16:18a movie snack are you kidding me all you ever talk about is having kids and now you have one
16:31little freak out you want to get a dog instead no unacceptable you're gonna turn around you're
16:36gonna go home get naked lie together as man and wife until Lily is great with child right now
16:42I'm serious go go go Marshall and Lily got in trouble and you Barney you look real stupid in
16:52that suit you're gonna go get your money back and give it to charity and I don't mean that stripper
16:57you keep emailing us about even though we beg you to take us off that list you can't give this
17:01suit
17:01back can I glow in the dark I finally glow in the dark criminals of New York attention this man
17:10is wearing a diamond covered suit you can retire on the pants alone so if I get a large popcorn
17:21you
17:21want to go split skis you did not move to the greatest city on earth to become a coin flipping
17:28bimbo so here's how it's gonna work heads you take the job at worldwide news tails you take the job
17:34at
17:34worldwide news hey looks like somebody got a new gig I'll call him tomorrow I'll call him right now
17:46hello Ted I can't get married yes you can you love her you're right I do thanks Ted
17:59one for it's a wonderful life please
18:05thank you
18:17we're idiots this kid doesn't stand a chance we're ready for this we're ready for this
18:29wow that's a lot of zeros you sure you're not missing a decimal point nope and that's the tour
18:37uh staff meetings at noon you'll meet everyone there but first you need to head down to security
18:41you need to get your picture taken for your ID badge
18:50sure
18:57and there's more do you still do that thing where you give people that need clothes for job interviews
19:01yeah why bring them in boys
19:03happy to do that
19:13merry christmas thank you son son it's just an expression I'm still not your dad
19:30you know that was really cool what you did
19:33When we all needed it, you got us back on the right path.
19:37It's what I do.
19:39Ted, if I, um, if I ever get married and you're not the guy I'm marrying...
19:43Big mistake, but go on.
19:45I can really use someone like you.
19:47You know, in case I freak out, when I freak out.
19:50You interested?
19:52Are you asking what I think you're asking?
19:56Ted, will you be my best man?
20:00Scherbatsky, I'm gonna crush it.
20:04Let me lick this.
20:05Let me not.
20:06How do you make, I've never seen you make your face.
20:12Hi there.
20:13We've had a lot of fun tonight, but on a more serious note, this is the time of year when
20:17we remember the importance of giving.
20:19And there's no greater gift than the gift of booty.
20:23So, this holiday season, why not bang someone in need?
20:28I'm Barney Stinson, and that's one to grow on.
20:32Um, no.
20:36Hi there.
20:38You know, we've had a lot of fun tonight.
20:41You know, love you.
20:45You know, I love you.
21:01I know, I love you.
21:04I don't know.
21:05Oh, my God.
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