- 2 hours ago
Watch How I Met Your Mother () Architect of Destruction ( AMZN WEB DL x265 Silence) Season 6 Episode 5 online in HD on Dailymotion (2005).
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:01Kids, in the fall of 2010,
00:03I was designing the new headquarters for Goliath National Bank,
00:06which meant working side by side with your Uncle Barney.
00:09I loved your idea about a giant rooftop ring of fire
00:11you can jump through with a motorcycle.
00:13But I tweaked it slightly, and this is still super badass.
00:17It's now a patio garden where you can bring a nice bag lunch.
00:22Sick.
00:22Yeah.
00:25Dude, working together is gonna be legend.
00:28Wait for it.
00:30I'll send you an interoffice memo with the rest,
00:32because we freaking work together!
00:34Everything was going great.
00:35That is, right up until Barney said...
00:38Big news, the board finally settled on a site for the building.
00:41It was the site of the Arcadian,
00:43one of New York's grandest old hotels.
00:45In its heyday, it was the New York home to kings and queens.
00:48But lately...
00:52Mostly just queens.
00:54Hi, handsome.
00:55Looking for a date?
00:57Uh, no, thank you.
01:01Still got it.
01:04Barney, we have to talk.
01:05Sure.
01:06What's up?
01:06Excuse me, Mr. Stinson?
01:08Not now, Trish!
01:09But there's an urgent memo for Mr. Mosby.
01:14Dairy.
01:16Legendary!
01:19So, what's on your mind?
01:22I can't design the building.
01:23Go in.
01:23Let's do it, go in.
01:37Let's go.
01:38Let's go.
01:40You can't do it.
01:44We can do it.
01:47Let's go.
01:48Let's do it.
01:50Go in.
01:52Oh, yeah!
01:53These satin sheets are slippery.
01:55Papa needs traction.
01:56Traction?
01:57As you know, Papa likes to get down with enthusiasm.
02:00Please stop calling yourself Papa.
02:01And without traction, Papa's likely to boogie himself right out of bed.
02:05It's either these or soccer cleats.
02:08Hey, so I talked to Robin.
02:11I guess she and Max hooked up last night.
02:13Kids, as you may remember, Max was a friend of Marshall's from law school,
02:16with whom Robin was really starting to hit it off.
02:19Nice. I love that guy.
02:20Max is both his name and his level of awesomeness.
02:24Yeah, he's a sweet guy.
02:26She feels really comfortable with him.
02:28They bonded over hockey.
02:29I guess he has a small penis, but they want a double date next weekend.
02:32Yeah!
02:33Why would you tell me that?
02:35So you'll clear your schedule.
02:37No. The other part.
02:39Oh, the small penis thing?
02:40Ah, stop saying that. Why do you keep saying that?
02:43I don't want to know that.
02:44I'm not going to be able to look the guy in the eye.
02:46Certainly not going to be able to call him Max.
02:49That's insane.
02:50I mean, just because you know Max has a small penis.
02:52John! Just don't!
02:55You are kidding me.
02:56I'm sorry. I can't do this if it means tearing down the Arcadian.
03:00It's an architectural landmark.
03:02Plus, people live there.
03:03How does GNB plan to get hundreds of residents to just up and leave?
03:06Snakes.
03:07Did you just say snakes?
03:08I don't recall saying snakes.
03:10Ted, I know you love crappy old stuff no one cares about,
03:13but I'm going to give you four words to live by.
03:17New is always better.
03:21New is always better?
03:22You know who's a million times hotter than the hottest girl I've ever slept with?
03:26Her okay-looking friend I haven't seen naked.
03:30Why?
03:31Because new is always better.
03:34Mm-hmm.
03:34And this theory applies to everything?
03:36Everything.
03:37So, those new Star Wars movies, those are better than the old ones?
03:41Yeah.
03:42The first three barely mention the intricacies of intergalactic trade law.
03:47Then when you're at a Guns N' Roses concert, you're like,
03:50yeah, yeah, Paradise City, whatever.
03:52When are they going to rock me some Chinese democracy?
03:56Axel's really matured as a songwriter, Ted.
03:58Wendy, I'd like to buy my friend a drink.
04:01What's your oldest scotch?
04:02Glenn McKenna, aged 30 years in oak casks.
04:05Amazing.
04:06And what's your newest scotch?
04:09Jumbo Jim's Grape Scotch.
04:11Don't let it touch your skin.
04:14Your call, buddy.
04:18A glass of Jumbo Jim's Grape Scotch sounds lovely.
04:22Lots of ice.
04:25New is always better, Ted.
04:26That's the rule.
04:28Just like bigger is always better.
04:30That's not true.
04:32Sometimes smaller is better.
04:34Hey, look how big my cell phone is.
04:36You don't hear people say that.
04:38Oh, so you want something compact and efficient that fits comfortably in your pocket?
04:43And I think Max is just a great guy.
04:45Lily told you.
04:47Told him what?
04:48Max has a small penis.
04:50Can you speak of such things?
04:53Girls talk about everything.
04:53Size, shape, left-to-right-leaning orientation.
04:57Length, resemblance to a historical figure such as Winston Churchill.
05:00Yes, that's one of you.
05:02Girth, brooming.
05:03How can you speak of such things?
05:05You're kidding.
05:06Barney, every time I mention a woman you don't know, the first thing you say is boobs.
05:12Not the complete sentence, does she have big boobs?
05:14Which also would not be great.
05:16Just boobs.
05:18I do not do that.
05:19My friend Lori from work.
05:20Boobs?
05:21Damn it.
05:22But, seriously, boobs?
05:25So why is it okay for guys to talk about boobs, but the moment we bring up a topic like
05:29Max's small penis...
05:30God!
05:32I'm going to pretend this conversation never happened.
05:33Impossible!
05:35Max's penis is stuck in my brain like a splinter.
05:38Like a splinter-sized splinter.
05:40Speaking of disappointing weenies, Ted, tell them what you told me.
05:45I want to ask the board at GNB to move the site for the new headquarters so we don't have
05:50to tear down a classic old building.
05:51I still don't get this.
05:53Why, all of a sudden, out of nowhere, do you want to ruin...
05:57Wait a minute.
06:00Who's the girl?
06:02Her birthday's a girl!
06:04What?
06:04I...
06:05There's no...
06:06Girl, why would you even...
06:10Her name is Zoe.
06:12Boobs?
06:18Beautiful building, right?
06:20Look, mister, you are very convincing, and I am very flattered, confused, even, but I'm not looking.
06:29Not a drag queen.
06:31But you definitely have me rethinking this eyeshadow.
06:34Not only is she funny, hot, and genetically female, but get this.
06:40Look at the palladium windows, the rusticated stonework, the marble cornices.
06:45She's an architecture nerd, a hot architecture nerd.
06:50That's the dream.
06:51Whose dream?
06:53We wound up talking for hours.
06:56I love how old parts of this city are.
06:59Makes me feel connected to history.
07:01Old is always better.
07:03I can't wait to be old.
07:04Me too.
07:05You can wear elastic everything.
07:07Your lipstick doesn't have to stay inside the lines.
07:09You can shoplift and pretend you're just confused.
07:13You can nap anywhere, even while driving.
07:16It's gonna be great.
07:17I can't wait to be all run down and weathered and wrinkly.
07:21Well, I'd say you got a pretty long wait.
07:24That's sweet.
07:26It would be sweeter if you hadn't thought I was a tranny before, but it's still sweet.
07:32Oh, Ted, that's so romantic.
07:34I want to fill a pillowcase with dead batteries and beat you with it.
07:38Hey, Ted, can I ask you something?
07:41Anything.
07:47Will you sign this petition?
07:50Save the Arcadian.
07:52We are going to stop the bastards at Goliath National Bank from demolishing it.
07:57Will you support us?
07:59And you said?
08:03Where do I sign?
08:06Hmm.
08:08Grape scotch.
08:08Not bad.
08:13Ted, you only think the Arcadian needs to be saved because some pretty girl thinks that.
08:18And, seriously, boobs?
08:21This isn't about the girl.
08:23It's about the building.
08:24And what did this Zoe say when she found out that you're the one tearing down her beloved Arcadian?
08:30That you, Ted Mosby, are the architect of destruction.
08:35Whoa.
08:35Sweet wrestling name alert.
08:38Well, uh, it's a funny thing about that.
08:42So, what do you do, Ted?
08:44I'm a veterinarian.
08:46What?
08:47I panicked!
08:48This whole Arcadian thing is classic Mosby.
08:51Changing your personality to fit some girl.
08:53I don't do that.
08:57Uh, off to meet Steph.
09:00We're adrenaline junkies.
09:06Penelope is taking me to the Battle of Gettysburg.
09:09We're going to eat squirrel.
09:18Look, she's really hot, okay?
09:24Come on, come on.
09:26We all change a little for whoever we're into.
09:28Barney pretended to be a rabbi to get laid.
09:30Asian girls love them some Jews.
09:33And Marshall never would have listened to the Indigo Girls if it weren't for Lily.
09:36Um, I think you got that backwards there, Chief.
09:39And you're welcome.
09:41The point is, you weren't pretending to like the Indigo Girls for the other person.
09:45You realized you liked them because of the other person.
09:48Just like me, Zoe, and the Arcadian.
09:51Did G and B really put snakes in the Arcadian?
09:54No.
09:56Technically, they were eggs.
09:57Did you just say eggs?
09:58I don't recall saying eggs.
10:01So, I walk into my boss's office, and suddenly I realize, holy crap, I'm about to quit.
10:07Small penis.
10:08You have a small penis.
10:10Oh, that's super interesting.
10:12But you have a small penis.
10:14Damn it, Marshall!
10:15Okay, okay, think of any two words other than small or penis.
10:19Got it.
10:20Small penis.
10:21Damn it!
10:22Yeah, I think it is so cool that you started your own law firm.
10:26Wow, right now, it's a pretty small practice.
10:29Hey, hey.
10:30I bet it's not that small.
10:34Bro, it's pretty small.
10:37Yeah, but you know what they say?
10:38The important thing is how you use it.
10:40You know, the motion of the ocean.
10:41That whole thing.
10:42He said it's small, Marshall, and everybody's fine with that.
10:44Let's just move on.
10:45I'm just saying that I bet it's bigger than he thinks.
10:50And thick.
10:53Everything about it is tiny.
10:54The office is tiny, the conference room is tiny, plus, got a very small staff.
10:59Let's order.
11:01As I was mustering the courage to call Zoe and tell her my true identity...
11:05Zoe?
11:07I'm Batman.
11:09That'd be cool.
11:11The strangest thing happened.
11:18I need your help.
11:20Just to warn you, what I'm about to show you is not 100% legal.
11:26Wasn't expecting bunnies.
11:27I stole them, Ted.
11:29My animal rights group liberated these guys from an evil cosmetics company.
11:32And I figured, hey, Ted's a vet.
11:35He can check them out and make sure they're okay.
11:37Absolutely.
11:38Just let me run up and get my bag of vet supplies.
11:41Why would I say that?
11:45Well, I know what I'm getting.
11:47The porterhouse.
11:49I've had it here before.
11:50It is like this.
11:51It's huge.
11:53Well, spare no expense, buddy.
11:55Dinner is on me.
11:56And get dessert.
11:57Maybe this molten chocolate lava cake.
11:59I just want you to be happy.
12:01Thanks, man.
12:03Next time, it is on me.
12:04Oh, excuse me.
12:05Be right back.
12:06Totally.
12:08We'll just be here.
12:12You're great.
12:15Thanks, bro.
12:16It's, uh, going on a while.
12:19No.
12:20Thanks.
12:23Damn, baby, be cool.
12:25But you're acting like he has six months to live.
12:26It's your fault, you ladies and your salty sailor talk.
12:30Oh, come on.
12:31What about you men and your locker room talk?
12:33Locker room talk?
12:34Do you want to know what it's like in a men's locker room?
12:37Hey.
12:38Hey.
12:39Just a bunch of uncomfortable dudes
12:41trying to get out of there as quickly as possible.
12:44And one old guy just letting it all hang out.
12:47Are you suggesting that guys don't talk about sex?
12:51Yes, we do.
12:52But you know what we say?
12:53I hit that.
12:55I got some.
12:56I tapped it.
12:57I squeezed those.
12:59Discreet and efficient.
13:00Not to mention classy.
13:01Thank God that I'm not dating.
13:04If I thought that Lily talked in that much detail
13:05about our sex life, I'd probably kill myself.
13:12Oh, no.
13:14What did you tell her?
13:15I don't know nothing.
13:17We've been talking about you.
13:19Are you sure?
13:20Yeah.
13:21That argument has no traction whatsoever.
13:26Wait, you just broke in and stole these guys?
13:29Aren't you worried about getting arrested?
13:30Nah, I've been arrested lots of times.
13:44Chinese democracy.
13:46Wow.
13:47You're a little bit crazy.
13:49Well, I'm usually crazy for a good cause.
13:52I can't just sit by while voiceless people or animals
13:55or even buildings get screwed over.
13:56I'm certainly not going to just sit by
13:58while GMB turns the Arcadian into a soulless metal box.
14:02Yeah.
14:03Yeah.
14:03Although I hear there's a lovely rooftop patio
14:06where folks can enjoy a nice bag lunch.
14:08Ted, I will find the bastards at GMB responsible for this.
14:12And I promise you, I will take them down.
14:18Coo-coo.
14:19Ted, this woman is an anarchist,
14:22a sociopath,
14:23a lunatic,
14:24and for the love of God,
14:27boobs.
14:28Solid C-cut perky bounce.
14:29Momentary grudging respect.
14:34Zoe does what she believes is right,
14:36and I want to do the same thing.
14:37We have to find a new site for this building.
14:39Ted, that is never going to happen.
14:41Well, I can't tear down the Arcadian.
14:44I'm sorry, but I'm off the project.
14:47Hey, guys.
14:48I appreciate the great turnout,
14:50but just so we're all on the same page,
14:52this is not a rally to legalize marijuana.
14:55Oh, bummer.
15:00Hey.
15:01Hey, Ted.
15:02I'm so glad you came.
15:04Well, you really got to me the other night.
15:07I want to get involved to save the Arcadian.
15:09Great.
15:10I'll grab you a picket sign.
15:11Hmm.
15:12Do you want
15:14GMB puts the douche in fiduciary?
15:17Or
15:18it's always 420 somewhere.
15:20Dudes, you forgot your signs!
15:23As I looked up at that magnificent old structure,
15:26I realized I wasn't letting my feelings for Zoe mislead me.
15:29This building really was worth saving.
15:36Ted, everything okay?
15:37Yeah, um...
15:39Yeah.
15:44You work for GMB?
15:49Dude, why are you dressed like a wizard?
15:51She was really hot, okay?
16:05How the hell could you do that?
16:07Simple.
16:08I rented the chair.
16:09The bunny was here already.
16:10That was lucky.
16:11I waited to do the dramatic swivel
16:12until I heard your key enter the...
16:13The billboard, Barney.
16:15I had to.
16:16Now that you have no shot with the girl,
16:18you realize you never cared about the building,
16:19and everything can go back to normal.
16:20You're wrong.
16:21I do care,
16:22and I'm still quitting.
16:23Don't you get it, Ted?
16:25We are tearing down the Arcadian.
16:27Either way,
16:27it's a stupid, old, piece of crap,
16:29run-down, snake-infested dump.
16:31Okay, are there or aren't there snakes?
16:33You'll mention snakes!
16:34And stop shouting!
16:36You're scaring cottontail!
16:38You named the rabbit?
16:40You took longer to get her
16:41than I thought we bonded.
16:42I'm keeping her.
16:43The point is,
16:45you now have a chance
16:46to design your own building.
16:49Dude, you can do whatever you want with it.
16:52You're right.
16:53You're right.
16:53I can design it however I want.
16:56So you're back in?
16:58Yeah.
17:00That night,
17:01as I worked on a new design
17:03that just might solve all my problems,
17:08Marshall was visited
17:09by a disturbing vision.
17:11Ugh, he thinks I like this,
17:13but it feels disgusting.
17:15Uh, it looks disgusting.
17:18Um, uh,
17:21is this working for you?
17:22Uh, is this working for you?
17:23Oh, of course,
17:24because what woman
17:25doesn't like being slobbered on
17:27while some giant paws
17:29at her nether regions
17:30like Lenny from Of Mites and Men?
17:32Oh, you're back.
17:34More Cosmos.
17:36I can't, I can't do this.
17:37I can't stop thinking about you and Robin.
17:39Oh, I've had that a couple times.
17:41Just lean into it
17:42and let it fuel things.
17:44No, you know what?
17:46Why don't you just,
17:46why don't you just call Robin,
17:49okay?
17:49And have a good laugh about it.
17:52Whoa!
17:55Traction curve prevented that.
18:01Well,
18:02if you don't mind,
18:03we made some changes
18:04to the billboard.
18:09Well, that explains
18:10a few voicemails.
18:12Listen, Zoe,
18:13I think we can save
18:14the Arcadian.
18:15Now, maybe not
18:15in the way you were picturing,
18:17but I stayed up all night
18:18working on a new concept,
18:20okay?
18:20What if my design
18:21could incorporate
18:22the Arcadian's facade
18:23into the new G&B headquarters?
18:25Kids,
18:26it was one of those moments
18:27in life
18:27where everything comes together.
18:29The girl,
18:30the building,
18:31everything.
18:32Until?
18:35Are you married?
18:36Yeah.
18:38So you're saying
18:39the facade
18:39will be completely preserved?
18:44This isn't about the girl.
18:46It's about the building.
18:49Yeah,
18:49it was about the girl.
18:50Ed,
18:51what,
18:52what are you doing?
18:53This wouldn't work.
18:55Zoe,
18:55the Arcadian
18:56was a really great building once,
18:57but it's falling apart
18:58and it's full of snakes.
18:59Snakes?
18:59I don't recall
19:00saying snakes.
19:02Then he gets
19:03this panicked look
19:04on his face,
19:05says,
19:05I can't do this,
19:06and storms out.
19:07Wow,
19:08that is weird.
19:09But here's the crazier part.
19:11No.
19:12You know what?
19:13Papa don't back down
19:14from a fight,
19:15so why don't you
19:16tell Robin
19:17about this?
19:20It was amazing.
19:23He was passionate,
19:25animalistic,
19:26a complete stud.
19:27God.
19:28Wow.
19:29So he's right there
19:30making you say all this,
19:32huh?
19:32Yep.
19:33You're like a Greek god,
19:35I moaned,
19:36as the...
19:37I can't read that,
19:38baby.
19:39Musky scent of man.
19:41As the musky scent of man,
19:44and Marshall's
19:45sure-footed traction
19:48intoxicated
19:48and overpowered me.
19:50That sounds real.
19:52And as for Zoe,
19:53it was funny.
19:54I'd lied to her,
19:54then completely let her down,
19:56and I barely knew the girl.
19:57But there was something
19:58about her.
19:59I couldn't help but wonder
20:00if I'd ever see her again.
20:03Hey, Musky!
20:06You're gonna have to
20:07come out of your hole
20:08at some point,
20:09you son of a bitch!
20:10Yeah!
20:11Legalize it!
20:12Dude!
20:15Ready?
20:16Aim!
20:17Fire!
20:19Why, yes.
20:20Yes, I would see her again.
20:26Hey.
20:27Hey.
20:29How's it going with Robin?
20:31Uh,
20:32I think I have to
20:32break up with her.
20:33You with her?
20:36Yeah, well,
20:37there's this
20:38kind of weird thing
20:40she likes to do
20:40in the bedroom.
20:41It just
20:42makes me uncomfortable.
20:45I get it.
20:46Yeah, that is
20:46not for everyone.
20:49Wait, what's not
20:49for everyone?
20:52Guys, come on!
20:53What is it?
20:54Come on, bro.
20:56It's a locker room.
21:00I...
21:04What do you think
21:05it was, Murray?
21:09What do you think
21:20it was, Murray?
21:24What do you think
21:24it was, Murray?
21:27What do you think
21:27it was, Murray?
21:29What do you think
21:30it was, Murray?
21:30What do you think
21:30it was, Murray?
21:30it was, Murray?
21:30What do you think
21:30What do you think
21:30it was, Murray?
21:33It was, Murray?
21:33It was, Murray?
21:33It was, Murray?
21:34It was, Murray?
21:35It was, Murray?
Comments