00:03kids sometimes wonderful things come out of horrible situations like remember that trip
00:07I took to Hong Kong where I got stuck in the airport well a funny thing happened that day
00:11yes I realize it's raining but come on it's 2021 we can make cell phones that project
00:17holograms but a light drizzle shuts down a whole airport hey there she is wow
00:28Wendy the waitress I was just saying what what are you doing here what was she doing there
00:34for that we have to back up about 10 years so Barney I hear you and Nora had a fun
00:39time at
00:39laser tag I don't know where you heard that it was a disaster not according to her oh my god
00:46this was
00:46so much fun we have to do this again we do we have to go on and grab a drink
00:50right now no I'm kind of
00:52tired but this is my number give me a call absolutely how is that a disaster she didn't
01:00want to get drinks and as soon as a girl says she doesn't want to get drinks well you want
01:04to grab a drink right now no I'm kind of tired absolutely it's a shame too she was a really
01:16great
01:17laser tag partner she's tiny so she's allowed to push kids please cheese you like this girl
01:24what Nora no I don't Barney you can't say her name without smiling that's
01:33Nora sorry sorry I was thinking of a funny thing that Nora said stop it no
01:39no no damn it what's the matter with me you like her you should call her call her Robin three
01:46things
01:47she had a nice face her booty was in place but Barney don't chase that is ridiculous Barney you know
01:54what here's some advice totally
02:18kids I had just started dating Zoe and when you first start dating someone everyone wants to know
02:23the same thing how did we meet oh Ted she doesn't know it's a cute story once upon a time
02:30Zoe was
02:31married to this super rich super creepy guy called the captain so when Zoe and I became friends I was
02:37careful not to cross any lines oh ma'am this movie is scary I know right but then one day
02:45Zoe and the
02:45captain had a huge fight he flipped out and demanded a divorce and she was heartbroken but after a
02:53little soul-searching she ended up back in my life and the rest as they say is history actually I
03:01said
03:01how's your meat oh low cold gee wonder why oh Ted did you have a chance to pick up that
03:11box I left at my
03:13old apartment oh yeah I don't want to see the captain I mean this in a super manly way that
03:21guy scares the panties off me you don't have to see him he left the box with the doorman if
03:26it's
03:26really important to you I will pick it up tomorrow all right guys I have to go I have a
03:31big meaningless
03:31stack of paperwork that I have to get off my desk to make room for tomorrow's big meaningless stack of
03:36paperwork but it's all worth it you know because at least I know I'm making the world a place all
03:44right
03:44see you guys later I'm worried about Marshall he doesn't seem like himself lately yeah he's been
03:50really quiet well that's just what Minnesota guys are like strong silent no man's man like Prince no it's
03:58much more than that it's like all the stuff he used to love he suddenly has no interest in anymore
04:04oh oh wink excuse me Lily in my travels I've developed a finely calibrated sense of how long it's
04:15been since how do I not put this delicately a girl's been porked and boo you've been pork free so
04:22long
04:22you're practically kosher it's been a while five weeks three days by my estimation you should work
04:30at a carnival I tried they're pretty strict with backgrounds anyway we should get going yeah I'll walk
04:52I am in a bit of a dry spell but I just started a new job and dating's been on
04:57the back burner and I
04:58shh child listen if you're really hurting for it I'd be more than happy to throw you one throw me
05:07one
05:07yeah or exes or probably do for a backslide or we could just do it the normal way oh I
05:15see what's
05:15going on yeah this is about Nora you met a girl you liked her but then you missed your shot
05:23and now
05:24you're trying to hook up with your ex-girlfriend to prove to yourself that you don't care Robin you
05:29could not be more what do you mean I missed my shot Laura met a guy what what yeah off
05:37the market he's
05:37taking her to cafe l'amour this Friday night but l'amour means love they're going to the cafe of
05:41love
05:42I'm fine that's fine point is Robin I don't even like Nora damn it
05:52oh baby why aren't you in bed I can't sleep
05:59anything I can do to help you with that
06:03maybe after this documentary on garbage man I am losing my touch nearly twice the size of Texas
06:12the great pacific garbage patch or garbage island is an environmental catastrophe
06:18lost in a sea of rubbish this young bird struggles not to dwell strangling in the plastic wings of a
06:24six-pack Marshal Erickson I think you know what you have to do I have to save the planet
06:29is it over I call on top a few days later I headed over to the captain's building to get
06:36Zoe's box
06:37I'm here to Ted what a surprise
06:48Ted captain I you've come to rescue me from the capsized wreckage of my marriage
06:54I hesitated calling you because I know you and Zoe were friendly
06:58shh but my wife has left me all my friends have abandoned me please tell me you're on my side
07:11let's adjourn to the study
07:16garbage island you haven't heard of garbage island it's an island made of garbage it's in the Pacific Ocean
07:26it's twice the size of Texas in other words one-eighth the size of Canada so
07:33guys I'm going environmental okay phase one the bar I've already convinced McLarens to implement a new green initiative
07:41that's because of you I gotta carry an 80 pound bag of bottles to the recycling center every night
07:46I throw my back out
07:49you're welcome earth phase two GNB tomorrow I'm gonna make a presentation in front of the board
07:57about how we can cut our carbon footprint by half for only 12 million dollars dude don't do that all
08:04they're gonna hear is 12 million dollars and all you're gonna hear is the sound of the door smacking
08:08your fired ass and some muffled laughter which I apologize for in advance guys I got a problem
08:15I ran into the captain Ted beneath this lustrous mane where the horns of a cuckold
08:26so he left me for another man wow do you have any idea who it could be the captain then
08:34told a story much
08:35different than the one I've been telling but one maybe just as true once upon a time Zoe and I
08:41were
08:41happy blissful as Arcadian shepherds I was Poseidon she my amphitrite I dare say Scylla and Charybdis
08:50could not have torn us asunder we had great big boners for each other but then enter the scoundrel
08:59oh man this movie's scary I know right I don't know what he looks like but I picture him with
09:08a
09:08mustache yes limit the search to guys with mustaches smart anyway soon the inevitable happened she told me
09:16she was in love with someone else obviously it made me angry um that's the last time you saw her
09:23but I
09:23gathered my composure and told her I'd do anything to keep her I begged her not to leave we made
09:29love
09:30that night
09:32it's damn good bread but morning came and she was gone
09:41captain don't blame yourself I don't blame myself there's only one man I blame for this
09:50me I'm the bad guy well maybe to him you are but in the story of picking up the box
09:57for Zoe
09:58you're the hero damn it the box
10:07baby baby I really gotta work on this presentation oh that's too bad because I was gonna make a little
10:13presentation of my own okay um how about this from now until tomorrow afternoon I do this and then
10:23tomorrow night I do that deal
10:37you lying little mix I happen to be at cafe l'amour tonight from 5 pm until closing reading a
10:46newspaper
10:46with two holes cut out of it and I never saw nora or this italian race car driver she's dating
10:51sorry who said anything about come on you just know he's an italian race car driver no he's not
10:55he doesn't exist I made the whole thing up to see if you like her and you do so you
11:01should just call
11:02her here is her number
11:09and I also programmed it into your phone while you were in the bathroom
11:17wow that was a joke you just got here remember you really are smitten no I'm not
11:24I'm barney stinson I don't get smitten I smite you are totally smitten but you're scared of being in
11:31a relationship no I'm not I can't be anyone's boyfriend Robin if I got serious with Nora it would
11:37be like if mother Teresa focused all her attention on one really hot orphan with great penis comes
11:44great responsibility okay mother Teresa throw me one sorry I would like it if you threw me one
11:54fastball right down the middle actually if I recall correctly a slight curve careful Robin I'll do it
12:01oh I don't think you will because you don't want to screw things up with Nora hey prove me wrong
12:06tomorrow night my place don't poke the dragon Robin because the dragon will poke you back
12:18sex now we'll do the foreplay after
12:20today didn't go so well the green initiative for only 12 million dollars will change the way
12:28I've heard enough now don't we already have a green initiative I mean didn't we do a whole thing hang
12:34a banner make a video sting was there I thought I met sting you did make sting yeah I met
12:38sting so
12:39why on earth would we spend another 12 million dollars well because we can always do more yeah but I
12:45met
12:45sting well meeting sting isn't going to fix anything Arthur who here supports Erickson's proposal
12:54well he has some good points meeker you're fired as for you Erickson his father just died
13:01nice presentation we'll keep it under advisement
13:06meeker got fired because of me I'm the bad guy no sweetie just just put all that out of your
13:12mind
13:12and relax look I got you a six pack of tall boys from the deli
13:27hey baby yeah um what happened to the plastic rings that held the six pack together
13:32oh I don't know I threw them down the garbage chute let's just use the handcuffs instead
13:37oh baby birds can get caught in those and then they drown in a sea of rubbish weren't you listening
13:42don't you care about garbage island Marshall right now I don't give a
13:46watts ass about garbage island well I do I I gotta find those rings
13:55crap hi I'm here to pick up uh hello Ted to the study to the study
14:04Ted
14:07I know
14:10but know what I know who stole my zoe no man likes to be betrayed especially by a friend
14:18you can imagine then how painful it was when I learned that the name of my betrayer is
14:25Ted when I tell you who it is you're gonna
14:32it's my doorman
14:35that son of a
14:36bitch
14:42you think zoe's sleeping with the doorman he always winks and tips his hat when he sees her
14:48I know how these things work he holds her package and pretty soon she's holding his
14:53and then there's his glorious mustache I will have him fired for this no no no you can't fire him
15:00you're right
15:03maritime protocol demands physical retribution oh my god no no no physical retribution stop
15:09who is this flower child and what has he done with my lion-hearted friend Ted Mosby
15:13no no no look look look yes yes the doorman is a scoundrel the mustache alone gives that away
15:19he's a rake a rogue a rapscallion oh rapscallion may be going a bit far today
15:25but it's not his fault okay it's nobody's fault you and zoe have nothing in common for god's sake
15:31captain she hates boats you're just not right for each other look I know it's tough to face but I'm
15:37sure
15:37a small part of you has always known that
15:45why couldn't you just like boats
15:48just to have one thing in common the other girls like boats don't they of course they do
15:55and you'll find one and you'll be much happier with her than you ever were with zoe
16:02put it that way you should almost thank the doorman yeah yeah and you know since
16:12since it doesn't really matter who zoe's dating now it doesn't it really does it doesn't
16:19it's me you're welcome
16:30okay baby what gives i'm sorry but neither of us are getting any action until i find those rings
16:38i hope this doesn't make me look desperate
16:44all right robin give it to me damn it barney you failed my test you know i i try to
16:51root for you
16:51even as your ex-girlfriend when you meet someone i'm like yeah barney go get her but you know what
16:57just forget it you're never gonna change i'm done trying to help you the number give me the number
17:05because i really can't tell
17:10is that a seven or a nine it's a five idiot
17:13in what moon man language is that a five
17:16a moon man language what does that even mean
17:18what does that even mean how am i supposed to see that the five
17:20how do you take this up fine fine fine fine fine
17:23i have a phone call to make
17:28barney go get her
17:33listen zoe i need to ask you something did i steal you well yeah you did by being the kind
17:44of
17:44sweet thoughtful guy who'd never even think of stealing someone you stole me so i'm the bad guy
17:54great well this story isn't over ten it'll be years before we know who's the good guy and who's the
18:00bad guy
18:01i mean yes divorce sucks but sometimes things need to fall apart to make way for better things
18:11i don't know if you say so i'm just saying the eggs are already broken let's make sure we get
18:17a pretty
18:17good omelet out of it okay marshall seriously what's going on
18:28he'll never get to see how i turn out what do you mean
18:32my dad you know i used to um i used to always tell him that i was going to be
18:36a environmental lawyer
18:38and he was always so proud of me for that but he never got to see the version of me
18:42that was anything
18:43but a corporate stooge and now it's too late and we're starting a family you know
18:51are you avoiding sleeping with me because you don't want to start a family
18:57lily if we have a baby right now that is just it for me the cement will dry and i
19:05will be stuck at gmb
19:08forever marshall if you want to quit your job and go work for the nrdc right now then you need
19:15to do
19:15that right now and then once you've cleaned up all the oceans and and save the planet you know like
19:23a
19:23year from now then we'll start a family i don't know so far in the name of saving the planet
19:31i've ruined
19:32your night i practically broke wendy's back and i got meeker fired the guy must hate me meeker doesn't
19:39hate you oh meeker hated him all right after all marshall was the one who got him fired now meeker
19:46knew we all hung out at mclaren's so that night he went there to confront marshall but his luck would
19:50have it are you guys closed sorry thanks rough night yeah sorry it's not your fault it's no one's
20:05fault except for marshall erickson what did you just say uh i said it's marshall erickson's fault why do you
20:14know him know him know him i hate that guy me too no way and the rest as they say
20:23is history
20:26and three kids later we decided to come here on our second honeymoon wow
20:32pretty good omelette oh and hey what about you you still with zoe no no no wow that did not
20:39end well
20:40but it's all for the best because now i'm married to an amazing girl we have two kids it's actually
20:45a
20:45funny story of how we met i was the best man at this wedding listen ted it's great seeing you
20:51but we
20:51gotta run okay well uh have a safe trip it was it was great seeing you hello marshall hey ted
21:04hey
21:04hey you will not believe who i just ran into
21:09you
21:34you
21:35you
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