00:02Kids, this is a story of landmarks.
00:04There are certain moments in life when you have to decide which things you can stand to see torn down
00:08and which things you have to preserve, no matter what.
00:12Such a moment came for us all in May of 2011
00:14at a special meeting of the New York City Landmarks Preservation Commission
00:18where the fate of the Arcadian would be decided once and for all.
00:22A symbol of strength and constancy,
00:25the stone lion of the Arcadian has watched over New Yorkers for generations
00:29so remember, if the lion head stonework is regal,
00:34then tearing it down should be illegal.
00:39Yeah? You like that?
00:41Alright, uh, we must make sure the lion is always there.
00:46Destroy the Arcadian? Oh no, don't you dare!
00:53Yeah? Yeah? Okay. Try this one on for size.
00:56If you won New York's history at your beck and call...
01:00Alright, thank you, Mr. Erickson.
01:06You will now hear from the architect of the proposed GNB tower, Ted Mosby.
01:15Now, uh, Mr. Mosby, let's cut right to the chase.
01:18Do you think the Arcadian should be a landmark?
01:31Okay, it's killing me. What rhymes with beck and call?
01:36Wrecking ball.
01:37Don't go swinging, no wrecking ball.
01:55Wrecking ball.
01:57Mr. Mosby, do you think the Arcadian should be a landmark?
02:01It's not a difficult question.
02:03It was a difficult question.
02:05Of course, had he asked me a few days earlier,
02:07I would have immediately said...
02:09Yes, the Arcadian should be a landmark.
02:12And then the crowd gasps.
02:13Oh, my God! Did he really just say that?
02:16Oh, heavens! Oh, my stars!
02:18I must clutch my pearls!
02:20So, these things are generally attended by old southern ladies?
02:24Almost exclusively.
02:24But here's my point.
02:26If they ask GNB's chief architect, a.k.a. me,
02:29if the Arcadian should be a landmark, and I say yes...
02:36That, no, that wasn't the Arcadian being destroyed.
02:38That was GNB's hopes of destroying the Arcadian.
02:40I'm sorry, I should have been more clear.
02:41Yeah, the Arcadian's gonna be all, like...
02:44Nice.
02:46I have a message for Barney.
02:49Things between Barney and the rest of us had gotten a little frosty.
02:53Hey, guys.
02:53First, this happened.
02:54Meet the new lawyer I hired to help save the Arcadian.
02:59And then this happened.
03:00What kind of dirtbag doesn't stand by his best friends,
03:04but instead sides with some self-righteous bitch
03:07with a pointless cause and a megaphone?
03:10Dude, that's my girlfriend.
03:12And you know what?
03:15I'm on her side now, too.
03:17Which led to this happening.
03:19Message from Barney, that's my cue to leave.
03:21Good night, guys.
03:23Love you, too.
03:25Bye.
03:25All right, what's the message?
03:27Because if it's another hypothetical yet eerily accurate drawing of my boobs...
03:31Yeah, I have that, too.
03:35Damn it!
03:37All right, here's the message.
03:40Oh, hey, guys.
03:41Didn't see you there.
03:42I was too busy feeling fine and...
03:45Really?
03:50Feeling fine and getting some giant.
03:54You may have noticed the giant plate of hot wings in front of me.
03:58I know how much you love hot wings.
04:00Too bad someone bribed the kitchen to take them off the menu tonight.
04:04So, if you want some, you're gonna have to come back to GNB.
04:08But hurry, this offer will be gone.
04:11Lickety-split.
04:17Do evil laugh.
04:19Oh, um...
04:24So, what are you turns up to?
04:26Oh, we got the big LPC meeting in two days.
04:29I have my whole presentation worked out.
04:30I just need to find a good rhyme to end on.
04:33Why does it need a rhyme?
04:34If you end an argument with a rhyme, it's convincing all the time.
04:39Yeah, it's why in our apartment, if you're all hoping to score,
04:43don't leave your socks on the floor.
04:45And she hasn't since.
04:47Okay, okay, a couple things.
04:49Willie, how'd I do?
04:50Nailed it.
04:51Secondly, Ted, I'm sorry I said mean things about Zoe.
04:55Are you really gonna walk away from this project just because you're mad at me?
04:59It's not because I'm mad at you.
05:01Barney, the Arcadian was designed by a guy named John Clifford Larrabee.
05:04And even though he's been dead for half a century,
05:06it's my duty, architect to architect, to keep his work alive.
05:10Please tell me a little part of you understands.
05:13I understand.
05:15Zoe has magic lady bits.
05:18What?
05:19Zoe's lady bits are magic.
05:21And that's how she controls your mind.
05:24You see, every few hundred millennia, lady bits leap forward.
05:28I know you're only just getting started, but this is already gross.
05:31I once knew such a girl.
05:34It was last call.
05:36In this very bar.
05:42What?
05:44No.
05:46What?
05:49No.
05:52What?
05:53What?
05:54What?
05:54Um, thank you for, um, not using a first name in that story.
06:03Barney, this is about the building.
06:05Come on.
06:06This is so about the girl.
06:08Okay, fine.
06:09It's about the girl.
06:10I am doing this for Zoe.
06:12I'm in love with her.
06:13Look, I know it's early, but there's a very good chance Zoe might be the mother of my children.
06:19So, in addition to doing this for John Clifford Larrabee, I'm also doing this for Luke and Leia.
06:24Wait, she's gonna let you name your kids Luke and Leia?
06:27Not if I knock down her favorite building, she isn't.
06:29Barney, I'm sorry.
06:30Well, you're not sorry now, Ted Mosby, but you will be.
06:34You.
06:36Will.
06:37Be.
06:44That's how you do an evil laugh.
06:46Ciao for now.
06:49Now, kids, you remember Arthur Hobbs, Barney and Marshall's old boss at GMB, while Arthur was going through a divorce
06:55and taking it kind of hard.
06:56Hi, Arthur.
06:58Everything okay?
07:00No, everything's not okay.
07:01My stupid wife got custody of Tugboat.
07:04God, I should've kept her hidden in a cage in the basement.
07:08Isn't that animal cruelty?
07:10I'm talking about my wife.
07:12Oh, that's fine then.
07:15So, listen, you know Ted, the architect?
07:19Yeah, I know your friend Ted.
07:20So, if Ted stood up at that big meeting tomorrow and said that he thought the Arcadian should be a
07:25landmark, you wouldn't just fire him, would you?
07:30Right?
07:31It would just...
07:32It would just...
07:34It would just...
07:50My job is my identity.
07:51It's who I am.
07:52It gives me the confidence I need to convince girls I'm a fighter pilot.
07:57I don't understand.
07:58Why would he fire you?
08:00I don't understand.
08:01Why would you fire me?
08:03Have you already forgotten how Mosby got that job?
08:06By being the best architect available?
08:09No.
08:11By being Latino?
08:13No.
08:14Let me refresh your memory.
08:16We were in this very room.
08:18Guys, I'm telling you.
08:20If Ted Mosby isn't fantastic, fire me.
08:24Damn it!
08:26I was kidding?
08:27I'm not kidding!
08:29Oh, by the way, Arthur, how are things with you and your wife?
08:32Really good.
08:33In fact, I just put all my assets in her name.
08:35Smartest thing I've ever done.
08:37Damn it!
08:38No, you better make sure Mosby doesn't screw up tomorrow.
08:41Because either that building is going down, or you're going down.
08:46They're gonna fire him?
08:48That sucks!
08:49He loves that job.
08:50I mean, he's been doing it for years.
08:52Okay, what does Barney do with you and me?
08:54No, he has a lot of keys.
08:56Okay, Ted, can you just please think about this before you go on?
08:58There's nothing to think about.
09:00I can't lose Zoe.
09:01That's the only thing that matters to me right now.
09:03Okay, Ted, you know I love Zoe.
09:06But, look, sometimes I go play chess in the park.
09:10And the key to chess...
09:12Okay, I play online.
09:14But the key to chess...
09:15Okay, it's Angry Birds.
09:18But the key to Angry Birds is to always try to see every possible outcome.
09:23And to hit some pigs with rocks or something.
09:25I don't know, I don't play.
09:26I can't get it to download.
09:28The point is, this thing with you and Zoe, I can see it going three possible ways.
09:34There's the first scenario.
09:35The chairman asks you...
09:37Do you think the Arcadian should be a landmark?
09:39You say...
09:40No.
09:40And Zoe dumps you on the spot.
09:42We're done here.
09:45There's the second scenario.
09:46The chairman asks you...
09:48Do you think the Arcadian should be a landmark?
09:50You say...
09:51Yes.
09:51And you're happy.
09:52For like a second.
09:53Until you realize the building you helped save has just become a monument to everything this woman made you give
09:58up.
09:58And you resent her for it.
10:00So much so, in fact, that you dump her.
10:02We're done here.
10:04You said there was a third scenario.
10:06Right.
10:07The chairman asks you...
10:08Do you think the Arcadian should be a landmark?
10:10But before you can answer...
10:12You're hit in the neck with a blow dart fired by the ninja Zoe's ex-husband hired to assassinate you.
10:21That one's less likely.
10:24What I'm saying...
10:26What I hate saying...
10:29Is this...
10:30You and Zoe are gonna break up.
10:33But you can still save your career and Barney's.
10:37Okay.
10:38First of all, no ninjas getting a jump on me.
10:41I have the reflexes of a jungle.
10:44Tree?
10:46Second of all, I don't care that the odds are stacked against us.
10:50I'd rather try to make this work with Zoe than spend the rest of my life alone playing Angry Birds,
10:55which, by the way, I've shown you how to download like 20 times.
10:58I gotta say, I'm with Ted on this.
11:00I mean, yes, this is a huge, divisive issue for them.
11:04Which means, no matter what happens, there's gonna be a lot of resentment.
11:08Probably lasting for years.
11:11Infecting every single moment of the rest of their relationship.
11:15So, in conclusion, I'm with Robin on this.
11:20That night, as I slept soundly.
11:31Barney, what are you doing?
11:33Who is this Barney?
11:35My name is John Clifford Larrabee, architect of the Archangel.
11:40And I am visiting you in a dream.
11:45Really?
11:46Because it feels more like my insane friend renting a costume and breaking into my apartment in the middle of
11:50the night for what I wish I could say was the first time.
11:53Look, it's a dream. It is. So, just, okay.
11:59Theodore, heed my words. Do not try to save the Archagian.
12:05Barney, there's condoms in the drawer. Just take them and get out.
12:08I am not Barney!
12:13Lighting change.
12:15Theodore, you know the Archagian is a badly built, architecturally unimportant rat's nest designed by an overpaid plagiarizing ether addict
12:25with two thumbs.
12:26This guy.
12:29Okay, yes, it's a terrible building, but does that mean we have to knock it down?
12:34I mean, it's not bothering anyone. Just anyone who lives in it.
12:39Or looks at it. Or smells it.
12:43New York is never finished, Theodore.
12:46She's a lady only a handful of architects ever get to dance with.
12:51Do not miss your turn.
12:56The Archagian has to go, doesn't it?
12:59Indeed.
13:00You realize this kind of screws up my personal life?
13:03Mo' buildings, mo' problems.
13:09This is a dream, right? Because, Barney, I swear to God, if that's you...
13:18Mommy's got magic lady bits, Ted.
13:20Dream?
13:21Dream!
13:22Dream!
13:23Dream!
13:25It's just a dream.
13:26Oh!
13:27Oh!
13:30Oh!
13:32Oh!
13:34Oh!
13:36Oh!
13:45Hey, I know it's late, but, uh, you wanna meet up?
13:51Hello, Mr. Lyon.
13:54Look on my works, ye mighty, and despair.
13:59Hey, I met you.
14:01Right.
14:06Here.
14:07Right.
14:07And I mistook you for a prostitute, right?
14:11Here.
14:12Or as you know, I still could be one.
14:14And you, my good man, have run up quite a tab.
14:23Worth every penny.
14:27All right.
14:27This was fun.
14:31I'm gonna take this tab.
14:34Big day tomorrow.
14:36We need to get some sleep.
14:43And yet...
14:45No, we should get some sleep.
14:48But this was fun.
14:50Yeah.
14:51It's nice getting one last look to remember what we're trying to save.
14:56Exactly.
14:59You okay?
15:00Yeah.
15:02Good night.
15:04Mr. Mosby, I'm going to ask you one last time.
15:07Should the Arcadian be a landmark?
15:11No, it shouldn't be a landmark.
15:14There are a lot of important buildings in New York.
15:17The Arcadian isn't one of them.
15:27The Arcadian is worth saving.
15:32The Arcadian should be a landmark.
15:35It should.
15:36The Lionhead stonework is iconic.
15:39I hate working for GNB.
15:42They're a bunch of wieners and gonads.
15:45Oh, heavens.
15:46My stars.
15:48Is that your voice, Mr. Mosby?
15:55Yeah, that's me.
16:02It's a nightmare.
16:03I can't believe she kept that tape.
16:05The LPC is going to come back with a decision tomorrow, and based on today...
16:09We're going to land like the hell out of that place.
16:11Yeah.
16:12We'll end up out of a job, all thanks to some stupid, only sort of awesome Lionhead.
16:17Yeah.
16:18Better get used to that Lionhead.
16:20As of tomorrow, it's going to be there until the end of times.
16:24And all because of my sweet, sweet rhymes.
16:28What are we going to do?
16:33We should buy a bar.
16:35We should totally buy a bar.
16:35We should absolutely totally buy a bar.
16:37That's really the only sensible idea right now.
16:39Oh, oh, and ready?
16:41It's a theme bar.
16:43It's a courtroom.
16:44Yes, where the bartenders wear sexy judges' robes.
16:49I'll allow it.
16:50It's the only court where you show up, then get served.
16:53You're judged by a jury of your peers.
16:56Okay, just stop it.
16:58No one's buying a bar.
16:59Right now, we have a little problem.
17:01Let's just think of a solution.
17:04It's over.
17:05The good guy's lost.
17:06I don't know.
17:07Homegirl is pretty diabolical.
17:10If there is a plan that'll get us out of this,
17:12it's somewhere inside this butter churn.
17:16She'll think of it.
17:17I'm just going to sit here,
17:21watch it happen.
17:25And she's got it.
17:26Lily, what's the plan?
17:28Oh, this ought to be good.
17:30And then Lily told us her plan.
17:33Oh, this is good.
17:35We have to find Arthur right now.
17:40What is so difficult about this?
17:42Tugboat figured this out in like five minutes.
17:44This is bush league.
17:46Hey, Arthur.
17:47Oh, cute dog.
17:49No, Tugboat, my other dog, that was a cute dog.
17:52This little disappointment is nothing but a cheap facsimile.
17:56I said it.
17:56Yeah, my love is reserved for dogs that go to the bathroom on command instead of wasting my time.
18:03Listen, Arthur, Marshall's wife has an idea for how we can save not saving the Arcadian.
18:09Oh, his wife has an idea.
18:10Let me tell you about wives, okay?
18:11They leave you and take your best friend with them.
18:14You're not Tugboat.
18:15You'll never be Tugboat!
18:18Yeah.
18:22Hey, Arthur.
18:31I guess this one's kind of cute or whatever.
18:36So what's the idea?
18:38Okay.
18:39First, here are my demands.
18:41One, Ted and Barney keep their jobs.
18:44Two, when you guys do finally blow up the Arcadian, one of them gets to push the button.
18:49Dibs.
18:50Fine.
18:51What's the idea?
18:53Well...
18:54Kids, for legal reasons, I have to skip this part of the story and jump ahead to the next night
18:58as the Landmarks Preservation Commission gave their verdict.
19:01Last night, this committee took a vote, and while we have all felt from the very beginning
19:06that the Arcadian is, well, an eyesore, Mr. Mosby's surprising testimony about the lion's head stonework
19:16left us no choice but to declare it a landmark.
19:25But then, something else happened last night.
19:29That same lion's head stonework...
19:35...disappeared.
19:37So, that makes our job a little easier.
19:41Motion denied.
19:52Zoe.
19:53Zoe!
19:55All right.
19:57What do you have to say for yourself?
19:59I don't know.
20:00Well, sometimes, things have to fall apart to make way for better things.
20:17We're done here.
20:29Okay, you don't have to hold back anymore. You may now say what you really think of Zoe.
20:33I don't know. She may have been right about that lion's head. It gave the Arcadian a regal elegance.
20:38Then again, it goes really nice with my duvet.
20:42I hope I use the right screws.
20:47I hope I use the right screws.
21:10The camera sees the right Häyles.
21:13The camera seems to be better.
21:14The camera seems to be cute.
Comments