00:01Kids, when Lily and Marshall started trying to have a baby, they went a little crazy.
00:05We've been trying and trying and still nothing's happened.
00:10I'm just worried we can't have children.
00:12And how long have you been trying?
00:14Six days.
00:18But then months went by and still nothing happened.
00:21Something must be wrong. We're doing it. A lot.
00:25And everywhere. The kitchen. The bathroom. The living room. Outside in your way. The kitchen.
00:32Seriously, Doc? Why isn't this happening?
00:35Look, if you're really worried, here's a number for a reproductive endocrinologist.
00:40Dr. Stengel. He's the best in the city.
00:43Dr. John Stengel? I don't know, baby. Do we really need a specialist?
00:46Well, what's your plan, Marshall? Just have unprotected sex day after day after day in every position imaginable until...
00:54Wait. It sounded worse in my head.
00:57Guys, we've got a problem.
00:59This is the application for the Regional Doubles Laser Tag Tournament in Poughkeepsie.
01:05Problem is, only one of you can be my partner.
01:07So it looks like we've got a bake-off.
01:09You may now present your arguments.
01:11I'm not playing laser tag. I'm absolutely not playing laser tag.
01:13Damn it. And Marshall's the winner!
01:17Well, I'm gonna call Dr. Stengel. It can't hurt.
01:19So Aunt Lily went to see Dr. John Stengel, the man who knew more about human reproduction than anyone in
01:25New York City.
01:27So, I understand you want to get pregnant.
01:46Yeah, and it cuts in and out.
01:49How did you do it?
01:51Oh, God, you found one of the cameras. I swear that's the only one.
01:54Wait, which one did you find?
01:56What are you talking about?
01:57What are you talking about?
01:58My visit to a certain Dr. Stengel.
02:02We'll look at all the factors that contribute to fertility.
02:05Dietary, environmental, genetic.
02:07But first, Miss Aldrin, do you have any questions for me?
02:12Just one, Dr. Stengel.
02:15Where'd you get the beard?
02:16Well, my mother's Arminian.
02:21Lily, I've been with Barney since 9 a.m.
02:24Between the sexual harassment seminar all morning and the secretary beauty pageant all afternoon, he hasn't left my sight.
02:30Wait, so you weren't wearing a fake beard and examining girl parts all day?
02:34Not today, I wasn't.
02:36Wow, we finally found Barney's doppelganger.
02:39I guess we can tell you now, Lily, that hot dog guy did not look like Barney.
02:43Uh, Marshall?
02:45Yes, I know.
02:46We made our little deal with the universe, but...
02:48No, we've made a binding covenant with the universe.
02:51We said we weren't gonna try to have kids until we saw Barney's doppelganger.
02:55Oh, this is bad news.
02:57This is like a black cat walked through my uterus.
03:00Okay, that's it.
03:01I am going back to Dr. Stengel and getting thoroughly checked out.
03:05Or, or, cost-saving alternative, you could get checked out by someone who looks just like him.
03:10I'm gonna go scrub up on each install three.
03:15I still kind of think it's Barney.
03:17There's no way it's Barney.
03:19Hello, he must be Mr. Erickson.
03:21I'm Dr. Stengel.
03:22It's Barney.
03:24Wow.
03:25Really, dude?
03:27Bravo.
03:28You almost got a peek.
03:30But seriously, what second-rate community theater did you get...
03:34Would you?
03:35I...
03:37So, my wife and I are trying to get pregnant.
03:41Come on.
03:42All right.
03:43Um, Miss Aldrin, please just put your feet up on the stirrups so we can begin.
03:46Uh-uh.
03:47No.
03:47Can't do it.
03:48No, but, baby, I...
03:49I yanked on his beard.
03:51He checks out.
03:52I really don't have time for this.
03:53No, Barney!
03:53Doctor!
03:54Wait, please.
03:55It's...
03:55Can you just give us a couple minutes?
03:57Hi.
03:58Lily.
03:58How can I convince you that this is not Barney?
04:03Wow!
04:04It is like looking into a poorly dressed mirror.
04:14Okay, you have to go.
04:18Leave the model of the vagina.
04:23Okay.
04:24Convince.
04:25Great.
04:26All right.
04:27You're a little low on the table.
04:28Please scoot up.
04:28Suit up.
04:29Not convinced.
04:30This whole thing stinks to high heaven.
04:32Baby, you just saw Barney.
04:35He could have pulled some crazy switch.
04:37Remember when his Swedish cousin came to visit?
04:40Oh, yeah.
04:41Bjorni.
04:42Yeah.
04:42I'm sorry, but unless I see Barney at the same time, I...
04:46I'll never be sure that Dr. Stengel isn't him.
04:50How you doing, Lily?
04:52Should I have a boner?
04:54Okay.
04:55We're all done.
04:55I'll call you in a few days with the results.
04:57Yeah.
04:58Hey, you don't mind if I take pictures, do you?
05:01Uh, can we leave him in here for a while?
05:03I'm done for the day.
05:04You can leave him in here all night.
05:07Oh, yeah.
05:10Smile for the birdie, Lou!
05:14God, oh, my!
05:16Now, while all this was going on, your Aunt Robin was starting her new job at World Wide News, a
05:22.k.a. the big leagues.
05:23She was excited.
05:24This job was a new start.
05:26A clean slate.
05:27So, first day of work?
05:32Everyone, say hello to your new research associate, Robin Scherbatsky.
05:36Hi, guys.
05:37Oh, here comes our new hard-fire host.
05:40Robin, this is Sandy Rivers.
05:42Sandy Rivers?
05:45Robin's old co-host and my old nemesis.
05:48We should have sex.
05:50Oh, I hate that guy.
05:52It gets worse.
05:54Sandy, this is Robin.
05:56You two know each other.
05:57Know each other?
05:58We've had sex.
06:00Oh, you had sex with Sandy Rivers?
06:02No!
06:03Oh!
06:04And I can't believe it's my first day and already I'm the girl who slept with the host of the
06:08show.
06:09Already?
06:10Were you planning on eventually sleeping with the host?
06:12Well, now that I know it's Sandy, I'm not.
06:17Oh.
06:18Hey, babe.
06:19Hey, honey.
06:20There's a couple messages on the machine.
06:23Your dad called.
06:23He wants to know if you have any sixes.
06:25Yeah.
06:26Uh, we got a game of go fish going on the phone.
06:28P.S. Pops.
06:29Go fish.
06:33Who's the second message from?
06:35Dr. Stengel's office.
06:37I'm extremely fertile.
06:39You're extremely fertile?
06:40Oh, my God.
06:40I told you there was nothing to worry about.
06:43I gotta call my dad and tell him the good news.
06:54If you're fertile, um, then that means I'm the problem.
07:03Okay, now you're being ridiculous.
07:05An hour ago, you didn't even think there was a problem.
07:08Well, I was just putting on a brave face.
07:10Okay, think about it.
07:11We've had unprotected sex 203 times in the past four months.
07:16Obviously, I'm the problem.
07:18Problem?
07:19You can't get a girl pregnant.
07:20That's the dream.
07:22I'd give my firstborn to not be able to have children.
07:27So, second day of work.
07:31What's wrong?
07:32Oh, you didn't hear her?
07:33She's the office slut.
07:34Already?
07:35Oh, honey.
07:36I wish I was the office slut.
07:39And, uh, we can explore how those policy changes will affect Iraq.
07:44Yes.
07:46We definitely had sex.
07:48We did not have sex.
07:49And why do I remember you?
07:51I don't know.
07:52Maybe because I'm, uh, smart, talented, professional.
07:55No.
07:55None of those.
07:57Oh, I remember.
07:58We didn't have sex.
08:01You're the girl who did the report on the carriage driver
08:04and slipped and fell in horse poop.
08:06We did have sex.
08:07Oh, I remember now.
08:09Gregory?
08:11Do me a favor.
08:13But this reporter takes God.
08:15Whoa!
08:18And now everyone calls me Sherpoopy.
08:21That's not funny.
08:23Robin, a word of advice.
08:25Play along.
08:25Okay?
08:26The more you fight it, the worse it's gonna get.
08:28It's like when your car slides on ice.
08:30You steer into the skid.
08:31Mm-hmm.
08:31Exactly.
08:32Or when your, I don't know, friend invites you to a laser tag tournament.
08:35You don't fight it.
08:36You just strap on the vinyl holster and race into that abandoned J.C. pen.
08:40He guns a-blazin'.
08:42Hey, I'm just agreeing with Ted.
08:44Oh.
08:46That's my dad.
08:51All right, are you gonna get it?
08:52Um, no.
08:53No, you know what?
08:54Um, I'm gonna get my stuff checked out first.
08:57I'll call my dad after Dr. Stengel gives me the thumbs up.
08:59Who?
09:00He has to do that?
09:02But I thought you talked to your dad about everything.
09:05I only like to call my dad with good news.
09:07I mean, telling him good news is what makes it feel real to me.
09:10I'm getting married!
09:12Yeah!
09:13I passed the bar!
09:15All right!
09:17I found an amazing Viking lamp that fits right on the coffee table
09:20as long as we don't mind stepping over the cord.
09:22That's what I'm talking about!
09:24Right!
09:24I found someone who can fix the Viking lamp!
09:27No!
09:30But the news that I might not be able to give him a grandchild,
09:34you know, like, I don't even know how to have that conversation.
09:37I'll show you.
09:41Dad, there's, uh, there's something I need to tell you.
09:44And it's gonna come as a bit of a shock to you, but here goes.
09:48You are speaking to the 2011 Tri-County laser tag co-champion.
09:53Barney, I've already told you...
09:54Oh, my sperm don't work.
09:55Yeah, yeah, that laser tag thing is awesome!
10:02So, third day of work.
10:07And the, uh, fertilizer is seeping into the groundwater, causing...
10:10Is Sherpoopy pitching a story about manure?
10:15Genius!
10:17Okay, yes, I, uh, I fell into some manure.
10:21It's hilarious, fine.
10:22In a five-year career of on-air reports, there are bound to be a few embarrassing moments.
10:27A few?
10:29Uh, but in my case, uh, it was just the one.
10:33And you found it.
10:34So, uh, just the one.
10:38Gregory.
10:39Gregory.
10:40Oh, God.
10:41What did they find?
10:48Everything.
10:51Everybody come and play.
10:54I'm a dirty, dirty girl.
11:05I'm a dirty, dirty girl.
11:12Let's go to the...
11:20They even found the video of me getting attacked by an owl.
11:23You got attacked by an owl?
11:25I did not get attacked by an owl.
11:27Robin, listen.
11:28Here's what you need.
11:29Okay, don't you dare tell me to steer into the skid, okay?
11:32It's too late.
11:33I'm already wrapped around a hydropool.
11:36It's a Canadian telephone pole.
11:38I never should have taken this job.
11:40Kids, at that moment, I knew what I had to do for my friend Robin.
11:44But first, I had to do something for me.
11:46Show me...
11:48Owl attack.
11:51I'm freaking out.
11:53Is there a chance that I can't have kids?
11:54I've been hit in the nuts.
11:56A lot.
11:57Well, we won't know anything until we run some tests.
11:59We'll need a sample of your sperm.
12:01No, no, no.
12:02There's a room at the end of the hall.
12:04If you find yourself inside the elevator, you've gone too far.
12:07You'd think I wouldn't have to say that, but you'd be surprised.
12:15All yours, buddy.
12:26The thing you're about to do in here?
12:29I did that in here, too.
12:31Three minutes ago.
12:35I was here eight minutes ago.
12:38Fourteen minutes ago.
12:41I'm here every Thursday.
12:47I can't do it, Doc.
12:48Is there, like, another option?
12:50Could I take this home?
12:51Sure, you could, but, uh, we close in an hour, and I'm not back till Tuesday.
12:55So, clock is ticking.
12:57Make it fast.
12:59Only way I know how, Doc.
13:02Only way I know how.
13:09Surprise!
13:15Mom, Dad, uh, what are you doing here?
13:18Oh, we hadn't heard from you in a couple days.
13:20We were worried about you.
13:21For God's sake, son, do you have any sixes?
13:24Go fish.
13:26Excuse me.
13:26Hey, Lily, can I just talk to you in here for a minute?
13:28Oh, yeah.
13:30Isn't it great?
13:31They just showed up.
13:32Your mom's already rearranged my kitchen, organized my closet, and she asked me if I lost height.
13:39No, wait, height.
13:40Yeah, I'm very excited that they're here, too, but right now I have to get excited about something else.
13:45Oh, okay.
13:47Well, I'll go handle your parents, and you handle your, well...
13:52Wait, wait, wait, Marshall.
13:55Thank you, baby.
13:56You're the best.
14:01Marshall, Marshall, I just got my new bathing suit for the beach this summer.
14:06It's a two-piece.
14:07I mean, can you imagine me in a two-piece bathing suit at my age?
14:12Just picture it. Picture it.
14:14That's why Fred Cox is the greatest kicker the Vikings ever had.
14:19Seriously, Marshall, picture it. Just picture it.
14:23Give me a C. Give me an O. Give me an X.
14:25What's that spell?
14:27Cox!
14:27Cox!
14:28Cox!
14:29Cox!
14:30Cox!
14:30Cox!
14:32Uh...
14:33Okay.
14:34I did a bad thing last night.
14:37I looked up his address.
14:39Who?
14:41Sorry.
14:42You said, who?
14:43It reminded me of the owl footage.
14:45Genius.
14:46No.
14:47Sandy!
14:48How dare he laugh at you?
14:49Who does he...
14:50Sorry.
14:51Who?
14:52Anyway.
14:54I looked up his address on your contact list.
14:56Oh, God.
14:56Tell me he didn't go over there.
14:58I just thought he needed to listen to common sense and reasonable discourse.
15:02Oh, God.
15:03Tell me those aren't the names of your fists.
15:05They're my feet.
15:06I'm actually more of a kicker.
15:07So, I went to his apartment.
15:11Oh!
15:12Oh!
15:14Oh!
15:15Oh!
15:16Oh!
15:18Oh!
15:18Oh!
15:21Oh!
15:23Oh!
15:23Oh!
15:23You're not the pizza guy.
15:28Oh!
15:29Oh, my God!
15:30This is...
15:31This is how you make sure Sandy never makes fun of you again.
15:34I told you to steer into the skid.
15:35That was bad advice.
15:36So, new advice.
15:38Steer into Sandy and run him down.
15:40Wait, have people found out Sandy wears a toupee?
15:44Really?
15:44That's your takeaway?
15:46Nothing on the bear and the bra?
15:47Oh, no.
15:48He's very open about that.
15:49That's Gregory.
15:50Nice guy.
15:52And the top is so low cut, your father says he has front row seats to the Minnesota Twins.
15:59Oh, by the way, Marshall, we do need to know if you're coming to Florida this summer.
16:05Are you coming?
16:07Marshall?
16:08Marshall, are you coming?
16:11This isn't working.
16:14Where are you going, son?
16:16I'm going to...
16:19I'm going to...
16:20Kids, to this day, your Uncle Marshall is thankful for what Lily said next.
16:25He's going to masturbate.
16:26Lily!
16:26Marshall, just tell them what's going on.
16:30And so Marshall told his parents everything.
16:33And so now I'm just scared that we won't be able to give you a grandchild.
16:38Oh, Marshall.
16:40We don't care about that one bit.
16:43And if you guys want kids, there are other ways.
16:46Adoption?
16:47Maybe you have a good friend who could loan you some sperm?
16:52Aw, yeah.
16:56Maybe adoption.
16:59What I'm saying is, we love you no matter what.
17:05Now, why don't you pretend you're in high school, get back in that bathroom, and blow-dry your hair.
17:13Wait, you knew?
17:14We didn't have a hair dryer, dear.
17:19So?
17:21Possibly last day of work?
17:23Actually, it was a good day.
17:26And I need more numbers on how the holiday season impacted the economy.
17:31Sparkles.
17:32Got anything on malls?
17:37Actually, Sandy, I have something I think you're all going to want to see.
17:42Yes!
17:43Put him in a body bag!
17:46Okay, I didn't do it.
17:48What?
17:48I didn't want to just viciously attack someone out of the blue like some kind of...
17:52Owl?
17:53Exactly.
17:54So, instead of taking your advice, I took your advice.
18:01That day, Robin decided to steer into the skid.
18:05And though she never quite shook the nickname, Sparkles went on to do very well at worldwide news.
18:11Especially after this happened.
18:18After his parents had gone back to Minnesota, Marshall got the results of his test.
18:22I'm afraid I have some very bad news, Marshall.
18:26Judging from the results of your test, it is...
18:29It is very unlikely that you'll be able to father a child.
18:34Oh, God.
18:35I know. I know.
18:36It's just...
18:38Now, in some rare cases, a regimen change can fix the problem.
18:44So, I'm recommending a spirited cardio routine.
18:48Preferably with a partner.
18:50Involving any light-based firearm activity in the tri-state area.
18:54Poughkeepsie, for example.
18:57Have you heard of a gentleman's sport known as laser tag?
19:02Surprise!
19:03Damn it, Barney!
19:05What are you doing in here?
19:07Think about it, Marshall.
19:08All infants get 20% off at the snack bar.
19:11Oh, BTW, the receptionist, what's her situation?
19:14No!
19:18Well, Marshall, I've got your results.
19:22And?
19:24Your sperm is fine.
19:26My sperm is fine!
19:27My sperm is fine!
19:29Hey!
19:30Count, motility, everything's off the charts.
19:35You, sir, I've got some strong swimmers.
19:39Bro, that is awesome!
19:40Motility fine!
19:41Oh!
19:44Hey, um, can I borrow your phone?
19:46I want to call my dad.
19:47Yeah, go ahead.
19:49Man, this is great.
19:52I was expecting bad news.
19:54I really was.
20:10You're here!
20:12Oh, my God!
20:13I love you so much!
20:14Can you believe it?
20:16Marshall...
20:18Something's happened, um...
20:21Your father, he had a heart attack.
20:26He didn't make it.
20:33My dad's dead?
20:55I'm not ready for this.
20:59I'm not ready for this.
20:59P-p-p-p-p-p-p-p.
21:15I'm not ready for this.
21:29I've got a lot of money.
21:31Oh, my God.
21:32I know.
21:33I know.
21:34I know.
21:34I know.
21:36I know.
21:36I know.
21:36You have to play.
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