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Watch How I Met Your Mother () Cleaning House ( AMZN WEB DL x265 Silence) Season 6 Episode 2 online in HD on Dailymotion (2005).
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00:00So, this chick and I are going at it behind the Central Park Zoo.
00:04The bonobo chimps start giving us a standing O.
00:08And just when I'm about to give her the same thing, what up?
00:11I... I...
00:14I can't.
00:15I just... I can't.
00:16Guys, I know you count the minutes until you can escape from your humdrum lives by hearing how awesome mine
00:23is.
00:23And I love doing that for you.
00:25But I just can't tonight.
00:27What's wrong?
00:29I don't want to talk about it.
00:30Okay. Hey, you guys who did Leah's catch last night?
00:33Did I ever.
00:35All right, I'll tell you.
00:37My mother is selling the house I grew up in.
00:41All of my childhood memories, gone. Just like that.
00:44That sucks. I've been there, buddy.
00:46What are you talking about? Your mother still lives in the house you grew up in.
00:49With her new hippie husband, Clint, the comfort of home is a little ruined when someone turns your old room
00:55into what I'm pretty sure is a tantric sex temple.
00:57With all the bamboo pot smoking 60s music, it's like my old G.I. Joe's are frozen in some weird
01:02Vietnam flashback.
01:05Anyway, I need you guys to come out to Staten Island on Saturday and help box everything up.
01:11Do you expect us to spend a whole day packing up your mom's house?
01:16No, of course not. It's a two-day job.
01:19Uh, house.
01:20Same.
01:21Unsubscribe.
01:24You guys are adorable.
01:27You seriously believe that I, Barney Stinson, can't talk you into this?
01:30I got the queen to give me a fist bump.
01:32No one believes that story.
01:34You may be able to talk the brain surgeons you pick up into doing whatever you want, but it's not
01:39gonna work on us.
01:47How did he do that?
02:04So there we were, helping Barney pack up his childhood home.
02:07Whoa, Ted, that thing you're packing is way too big to fit in that box.
02:10Yeah, that's what your mom said.
02:11How dare you?
02:13No, she actually said that.
02:16Oh, dear. I thought I told you that's just not gonna fit in there.
02:20Someone order something tall, dark, and awesome?
02:22Hey!
02:23Whoa!
02:25Hey!
02:26Hey!
02:26Oh, my goodness.
02:28Mama.
02:28Look at my two sons, so big and strong and handsome.
02:32Uh, Mom.
02:33Stop.
02:34And how is my delicious little grandson?
02:36Oh, did he get the clothes I sent him?
02:38Check it.
02:39Huh?
02:40Oh.
02:41How cute is that, right?
02:43When was the last time you saw a diaper poking out of a Dolce & Gabbana suit?
02:47Tuesday, at work.
02:49Some of the senior partners are really getting up there.
02:53So, Ted, yesterday at work, I totally talked you up to that super-hot makeup girl, Liz.
02:58Oh, yeah?
02:59Mm-hmm.
02:59What'd you say?
03:00Oh, you know how funny you are.
03:02Guilty.
03:02Handsome.
03:03Who, me?
03:04Incredible lover.
03:06Really?
03:06Oh, yeah.
03:07Oh, yeah.
03:08I was all like, he knows a woman's body better than she knows her own.
03:12Endless waves of pleasure just cresting and breaking for hours and hours, blah, blah, blah.
03:18Orgasms.
03:18So intense, you just black out.
03:21All that stuff.
03:22Robin, how can I possibly live up to that review?
03:26What?
03:26Yeah, you know what you're doing down there.
03:28Oh, Teddy Westside can bring it.
03:30We know this.
03:31But that is not the point.
03:33I mean, you broke the first rule of setting people up.
03:36Undersell.
03:37It's like if someone's never seen The Karate Kid, you don't say, it's the greatest movie ever.
03:41You say, it's pretty good.
03:42And then they see it.
03:43It blows their freaking mind.
03:45Because Cobra Kai-sensei's all like, sweep the leg.
03:48And Daniel-san's all like, aw, aw, aw, aw.
03:53Whish, whish, whish, whish.
03:59Maybe I did oversell you a bit.
04:02Thank you guys so much for helping us out with this stuff.
04:05Oh, it gives us a rare insight into the makings of Barney Stunson.
04:08Like, look at this.
04:10Who was a cute little basketball player before you became the biggest pervert in the world?
04:17I love pee-wee basketball.
04:19Well, until they kicked me off the team.
04:22I was so awesome, the coach asked me to quit because it wasn't fair to the other kids.
04:32That sounds plausible.
04:33Hey, it's true.
04:35Tell him, James.
04:37Oh, yeah.
04:37He had like a four-foot vertical leap.
04:39He would hit it from the outside, hit it from the inside.
04:42He sucked.
04:43Coach cut him from the team and Mom fed him that story so he'd feel better.
04:46Oh, my God.
04:47Look at this.
04:48My letter from the postmaster general.
04:52I still can't believe he took the time to write this.
04:55Beer Barney.
04:56I sincerely apologize about losing all the invitations you sent out to your eighth birthday party.
05:03That's why none of your classmates showed up.
05:07Not because you threw up when they turned the lights off at the planetarium.
05:11No one even noticed that.
05:14Also, Janie Masterson's mother is a whore.
05:19Gin on her breath at ten in the morning.
05:22She's got some nerve kicking us out of the carpool.
05:27Love, postmaster general.
05:36Does your mom make stuff like that up a lot?
05:38Constantly.
05:39I mean, she put more effort into some lies than others.
05:42Mom, who's my dad?
05:44All the other kids at school know who their dad is.
05:47Who's mine?
05:49I don't know.
05:51That guy.
05:52You are?
05:55Did you tell you that Bob Barker was your dad, too?
05:57No, no, no.
05:58I heard Flip Wilson, Bill Cosby, James Earl Jones, Meadowlark Lemon.
06:05The list goes on.
06:07I still can't get a straight answer about who my real dad is.
06:10And Barney's no help.
06:11He still believes every lie that my mom told us growing up.
06:14Not me.
06:15I caught on early.
06:17Careful!
06:18Michael Jackson sent me this glove from my tent.
06:21Damn.
06:25Wow.
06:26Loretta really lied a lot to her kids.
06:28Well, she's not alone.
06:30Whenever Marshall was acting too hyper,
06:32his mom would suddenly decide he was sick
06:34and give him cough medicine until he passed out.
06:38I'm pretty sure that's what stunted my growth.
06:39I hit 6'4 in the fifth grade,
06:41and then I just stopped.
06:43And then there's the most popular parental lie in history.
06:48Santa.
06:48Yeah, but that's a good lie.
06:50Like when we tell Ted he'll meet the right girl and settle down.
06:53I always find that reassuring.
06:54You will meet her, buddy.
06:56You think so?
06:56Yeah!
06:59Santa's still a lie, and I'm not lying to our kids.
07:03Baby, it's Santa.
07:04Don't you want our kids going to sleep on Christmas Eve
07:07with their hearts full of hope,
07:09their heads full of crazy cough syrup nightmares,
07:12knowing that downstairs,
07:13Kris Kringle is stuffing their stockings full of joy
07:15and stuffing his belly full of milk and lutefisk that they left him?
07:19Milk and lutefisk?
07:21Santa doesn't get cookies in Minnesota?
07:23Yeah.
07:24Yeah, that's just what Santa needs at 3 a.m.
07:26when he's battling a snowstorm over the Rockies.
07:27A sugar crash.
07:29No, Santa needs protein.
07:30I'm not lying to our kids.
07:32Ah, Valentines.
07:34The second base of third grade.
07:36I always got a valentine from every single girl in my class.
07:40Funny how all these girls have the exact same handwriting
07:44as the Postmaster General,
07:46Mom,
07:47and
07:47Home Run King,
07:49Frank Aaron.
07:51Yeah, schoolgirls.
07:53The more they ignore you,
07:55pretend to hate your guts,
07:56lock you in the coat room over winter break,
07:58the more they secretly like you.
08:01This isn't...
08:03Who's Sam Gibbs?
08:05No idea.
08:05Why?
08:06I don't know.
08:06Mom addressed this and never sent it.
08:09What's in it?
08:11All right.
08:15Hey!
08:16It's a picture of you and me when we were little kids.
08:20On the back, Mom wrote...
08:23your son.
08:29Okay, everyone, lunch is ready.
08:31Who wants sloppy joes?
08:33Mom?
08:34Who's Sam Gibbs?
08:35Oh!
08:36That doesn't sound familiar.
08:38Who wants sloppy joes?
08:40There's a picture of me and Barney in an envelope addressed to him,
08:42and you wrote your son on the back.
08:44Oh, no, that...
08:46It says your son.
08:48For yours in North Dakota.
08:50That's where we took the picture, lovely town.
08:52We went kayaking,
08:53and you two rescued the mayor's dog
08:55which had wandered into the rapids.
08:56But Mayor Sam Gibbs asked for your pictures
08:59so the city could make statues of you both.
09:01I guess I never sent it.
09:03That's embarrassing.
09:04Now, how about those sloppy joes?
09:07If this picture was taken in North Dakota,
09:09then why is our old swing set in the background?
09:12I don't know!
09:14I did my best as a single parent,
09:16and it wasn't always easy,
09:17and I recommend putting the coleslaw
09:19right on top of the sloppy joe
09:20because it's delicious.
09:21That's what...
09:25Can you believe her?
09:27I know.
09:30Forgetting to send the photo?
09:31The poor sculptor had to work from memory.
09:33Those statues probably look nothing like us.
09:35Damn it, Mom!
09:38So, Ted,
09:39you were worried that I oversold you to Liz.
09:42Well, I fixed it.
09:43How?
09:43I sent her another email.
09:46Dear Liz,
09:46I hope it didn't sound like I was trying to oversell Ted.
09:49The truth is,
09:50he is a genuinely nice, down-to-earth guy,
09:53and I think you two would really hit it off.
09:56That's perfect.
09:57That totally takes the pressure.
09:58Is he gonna rock your world in bed?
09:59No.
10:00But he's clean,
10:02open to criticism,
10:03and not into anything too weird.
10:05He's not bad at all.
10:07Not bad at all.
10:09See, now you went too far in the other...
10:10I'll be honest.
10:11The first few times aren't gonna be that great.
10:13He's gonna say,
10:14are you finished more times
10:15than a waiter in a busy restaurant?
10:17Stop!
10:18Listen to me.
10:19There is no your sub-North Dakota.
10:21Mom...
10:21And Sam Gibbs wasn't the mayor.
10:24He might be one of our fathers.
10:25He's not my dad.
10:26My dad's Bob Barker.
10:27Barney, you...
10:29You better stop living in these fairy tales
10:31that Mom told us.
10:32Bob Barker is not your father.
10:34Sam Gibbs might be.
10:36But Bob Barker is absolutely,
10:39unequivocally not your father.
10:43I suppose you have a problem
10:45with the Easter Bunny, too.
10:46Not, pal.
10:47This address isn't too far.
10:49Are you coming with me or not?
10:53So we're doing this.
10:54We're really gonna go disturb
10:55the peaceful Long Island retirement
10:57of the former mayor
10:59of Yorson, North Dakota
11:01on a Sunday afternoon.
11:02Real classy, James.
11:03Real classy.
11:04You're just too scared
11:04to face the truth.
11:05You were living in a dream world.
11:12Maybe we shouldn't have brought
11:13these sloppy joes.
11:15Oh, what's done is done.
11:18Ted Mosby is solid as a rock.
11:22No.
11:23Dependable.
11:24No.
11:25Rugged.
11:26No.
11:27Why don't I just go to the Chevy website
11:28and copy down adjectives?
11:30I just want to hit
11:31that perfect middle ground.
11:32How about we just go wildly
11:34to both extremes
11:35and just let them balance
11:36each other out?
11:38Ted Mosby is really handsome,
11:40but extremely violent.
11:41And really rich,
11:43but lacks bladder control.
11:47Oh, damn.
11:48What?
11:48That last bump
11:49just made me hit send.
11:50Oh, no.
11:51Don't worry.
11:52I'm sure that everyone
11:53will get it.
11:53It's a joke.
11:54No, they won't.
11:54They're gonna think...
11:56Wait, everyone?
12:00Really rich?
12:06You ready for this?
12:08For what?
12:08I don't know who lives here,
12:10but it's not my dad.
12:16Wait, wait.
12:18Please, stop.
12:19Just give me a second, okay?
12:21I thought you said that he...
12:22Stop.
12:23Come on.
12:24I know Bob Barker's not
12:25really, you know,
12:27I'm not crazy.
12:29I just...
12:31I needed that.
12:34I know it may sound stupid,
12:35but I didn't always feel
12:36so great about myself
12:37growing up,
12:37and so having a celebrity dad
12:39made me feel special.
12:41But you're right, James.
12:43It's time to...
12:44let go of the fantasies.
12:48It's time to grow up.
12:50Cool.
13:08Can I help you?
13:10Yeah, I'm...
13:12You're Sam Gibbs?
13:14Yes.
13:16I'm James Stinson,
13:18and I think you may have known
13:21my mother, Loretta Stinson,
13:22in the 70s.
13:25Loretta.
13:26Yeah.
13:27Yeah.
13:28Yeah, I knew Loretta.
13:31My mother meant to send you this.
13:45You were my son.
13:58God, this must be so hard for Barney.
14:02Yeah, but you know what?
14:03He took a big step today.
14:04Barba!
14:09Uh-oh.
14:17Look at us!
14:19It's like three are the same guy.
14:22Oh, my God.
14:23This explains why I was always
14:24so awesome at basketball.
14:27Guys, I'm black.
14:30Sorry, African-American.
14:32No.
14:33I'm allowed to say either.
14:34I gotta go get my camera!
14:37That is my younger brother, Barney.
14:39He just thought he'd meet his real dad today,
14:42and clearly he's not taking it so well.
14:44Well, my head's kind of spinning, too.
14:46I mean, Loretta and I only saw each other
14:48for a couple of months.
14:50You were two before he knew you existed.
14:52And at that point, your mother made it very clear
14:55she was going to raise you on her own.
14:57I felt I had to respect her wishes,
14:59but I always wanted to meet you.
15:03Wait.
15:03Barney and James are two years apart.
15:05If Sam only knew Loretta for a few months,
15:07he couldn't possibly be Barney's father.
15:10He's also quite the detective.
15:17Don't worry.
15:17We'll, uh, we'll snap Barney out of this
15:19when he gets back.
15:20Or, uh, we could just let him have this one.
15:24Are you kidding?
15:24Guys, Barney's losing his childhood home.
15:27He finally admitted Bob Barker's not his dad,
15:29and then he watched James meet his real father.
15:32It's just a lot to go through in one afternoon.
15:35Can't we just let the guy be black for a day?
15:39Here, Ted, capture the moment.
15:41I think you'd need Salvador Dali
15:43to capture this particular moment,
15:44but I'll give it a whirl.
15:47Man, I thought I was a light-skinned Caucasian.
15:50But in truth, I'm a really light-skinned African-American.
15:55Man, try to hail a cab in Manhattan.
15:58Am I right?
15:59Nope.
16:00No one's stopping for this.
16:03These guys don't understand what I'm talking about.
16:06During that afternoon,
16:08Sam and James began to discover
16:09how much they had in common.
16:11When the night has come
16:16Oh, the land is dark
16:18Come on, you know this, come on.
16:20And the moon, the broom
16:21Is the only light we'll see
16:25Light we'll see
16:26Light we'll see
16:28No, I won't
16:29No, I won't
16:31Hey!
16:32Oh, I
16:33Shit
16:34No, I won't shed, no, kid
16:36Not as long as you stand
16:39Stand by me
16:42There you go.
16:43Whenever you're in trouble, won't you stand
16:46Stand by me
16:47Do-ba-do-do-ba-do-ba-do-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-yeah
16:50Understand?
16:51Understand?
16:52Hey!
16:55Weird day
16:56Weird day
17:00Hey, look at that.
17:01Liz still wants to meet you.
17:03That's great!
17:04Mm-hmm
17:05I guess
17:06Wait a minute
17:08You said Liz was a total 10
17:11why would she want to meet the incontinent freak show you described
17:17you oversold her maybe a little you said she was a 10 i did not specify on what scale
17:23you said she looked like a movie star she does it's robert de niro but like super buff like
17:28in cape fear dad look how fast i can run he's actually a really sweet guy and he's great with
17:37my son i have a grandson his name is eli he's beautiful dad you're not looking
17:53eventually the strangest afternoon of our lives wound to a close
17:57and we headed back to staten island where barney and his mom had a long overdue heart to heart
18:02barney i need to talk to you uh me first mom there's something that i need to ask you
18:09and i i want you to be honest with me why do white people like carrot top
18:24listen
18:27i always wanted to be enough for you boys i think that's why it always hurt whenever you asked
18:33about your dads because i was always trying so hard to be both parents for you but i was being
18:40selfish
18:43you deserve the truth so here it is sam is not your father
18:52are you sure yes he's black dear
18:59but if you want i can tell you who your father really is
19:06and at that moment barney suddenly saw his childhood more clearly than he ever had before
19:14i'm sorry but your son can't be on the team he's terrible
19:21what coach say mom he said you're simply too good to be on the team
19:26it's not fair to the other boys but that's okay we can just play together in the backyard
19:32why didn't anyone come oh you know what dear apparently there was a mix-up of the mail
19:40i just got this letter from the postmaster general
19:44dear barney i sincerely apologize for losing all the invitations you sent out your eighth birthday party
20:08good morning it's okay mom i don't need it but it's your father i already have a father
20:17and his name is loretta
20:24kids your uncle barney grew up without a dad and it always made him feel incomplete
20:29but as he hugged loretta surrounded by the boxed up remnants of his happy childhood
20:34he realized he had one hell of a mom
20:41so
20:42if the sky we look upon
20:47to tumble and fall
20:50all the mountains should crumble
20:55to the safe
20:56to the safe
20:57sweet dad
20:59james where are you going that's the best part
21:03what can we go camping
21:33We'll be back.
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