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Watch How I Met Your Mother () The Mermaid Theory ( AMZN WEB DL x265 Silence) Season 6 Episode 11 online in HD on Dailymotion (2005).
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00:01Kids, in the winter of 2010, we had a new addition to our little group, Zoe.
00:06Zoe was married to the captain.
00:09Boys, great to see you. Looking smart.
00:12Have a wonderful time tonight, okay? Okay.
00:17That man is terrifying.
00:19Everything he said was nice, but I'm profoundly scared.
00:21Keep smiling, he can still see us.
00:24There was just something about him.
00:26We couldn't put our finger on it, until...
00:28I figured it out!
00:31I know what's so creepy about the captain.
00:33Okay?
00:36Yeah, I snapped this photo of him, last time he dropped off.
00:39Zoe, observe.
00:41The bottom half of his face...
00:44is smiling.
00:45Look, he seems happy, seems like a nice guy.
00:48But the top half of his face...
00:51No!
00:51...wants to murder you!
00:53Cheerful!
00:54No!
00:55...wants to murder you, no cheerful!
00:58What's so murdering?
00:59Now, hold on, let me ask him a question.
01:01Captain, what do you think of ice cream?
01:05Oh, he loves it!
01:06Captain, what do you think of rainy days?
01:09Oh, he hates him!
01:11Captain, quick question.
01:12How do you feel about the Jonas Brothers?
01:15Ooh!
01:19What is that?
01:20I don't get it.
01:21I don't get it.
01:21I don't get it.
01:22He hates that he loves them.
01:24Oh!
01:38Great.
01:39Okay.
01:40Hey!
01:41Guys, Zoe just told me about this great Frank Lloyd Wright retrospective tonight.
01:44Who's in?
01:45Sorry.
01:46I'm, uh, I-I-I don't know, washing my hair.
01:48Running the water.
01:49Holding the towel.
01:50And I'll be home trying to get over the fact that no one invited me to the big hair washing
01:54party.
01:54All right.
01:55Fine.
01:55Guess it'll just be me and Zoe.
01:57Oh, wait.
01:58Just the two of you?
01:59Tread lightly, Mosby.
02:01Any time a single guy hangs out with a married woman, there are rules that must be followed.
02:06Rule number one...
02:07Don't use the husband's condoms.
02:09That's just rule.
02:11Ha!
02:11Rule number one...
02:13Don't go anywhere that has candles.
02:16Excuse me, Captain.
02:17How do you feel about Ted and Zoe having an intimate chat by candlelight?
02:23Ah!
02:23It'll be the last dinner they ever have.
02:26Rule number two...
02:28No sharing food.
02:30In fact, anything involving saliva is off limits.
02:33Toothbrushes, thermometers, lipstick...
02:35Well, if I can't share her lipstick, there's really no point in even going.
02:38And the most important rule of all...
02:40Lubricant is public property.
02:43Please.
02:44No lying to the spouse about anything you do.
02:47Why would anyone lie?
02:48Look, Zoe and I are just friends.
02:50If there was anything more than that, I wouldn't hang out with her.
02:52Lily's right, Ted.
02:53Once you're married, it's very hard to be friends with a single person of the opposite sex.
02:57Yeah, unless you're old friends, which is why I can hang out with Marshall whenever I want.
03:01Right, Marsh Madness?
03:02No doubt, Robocop.
03:04You two never hang out alone.
03:06You just made up those nicknames right now.
03:08I guess it's true.
03:10You and I never really hang out alone.
03:11Well, let's.
03:13Let's have dinner together.
03:13Just the two of us.
03:14Oh, sweet.
03:16No candles.
03:17Hey, no candles.
03:19Lily, I guess that leaves just you and me.
03:21Wanna hang?
03:22And then Lily said something to Barney that insulted every fiber of his being.
03:26Nah.
03:28Wait, no.
03:29It had to be more than just nah.
03:31Oh, I think she said...
03:32You're a big, stupid octopus head.
03:37No, that doesn't make sense.
03:39Okay, hang on.
03:40What did she say?
03:42She said...
03:44Um...
03:46Uh...
03:47Uh...
03:47To be honest, kids, I'm having a little trouble remembering exactly what their fight was about.
03:51Hey, it was 20 years ago.
03:53I'll remember.
03:54Anyway, the next night.
03:56Well, Lily, you were right.
03:58Something weird happened with Zoe last night.
04:02Oh, that's the captain.
04:05Yes, I call my husband the captain, but that is the only concession I make to his seafaring ways.
04:09Hang on.
04:11Ahoy.
04:13I'm just out with friends.
04:15Friends.
04:16Plural.
04:17Like there was more than one of me.
04:19Ew.
04:21She lied to her husband?
04:22Uh-oh.
04:23So what did you do?
04:25Uh, Zoe, um, did you just say you were out with friends?
04:28Yeah.
04:29The captain's on his way home from Milan.
04:31He can get a little jealous sometimes, so I didn't want to make him worry.
04:35Is that okay?
04:36It's totally okay.
04:38It's not okay!
04:38I didn't really think it was okay!
04:41Please!
04:41You lie to your husband all the time.
04:43Uh, uh, that shirt looks great on you.
04:46I love your mom.
04:47I never fantasize about Barney when we're doing it.
04:50Sound familiar, Pinocchio?
04:53What's wrong with this shirt?
04:56Lily, ruling.
04:57Do I have to stop hanging out with Zoe?
04:59No.
05:00You just need to spend time with her and the captain together.
05:04If you're friends with the both of them, then there's not a problem.
05:07Actually, I do have a standing invitation from the captain to go for a ride with them on his boat.
05:12Great!
05:13So go make nice with Captain Creepy and problem solved.
05:17The next night, Marshall and Robin went to dinner.
05:20Just the two of them.
05:21Now, historically, they had three solid conversation topics.
05:25Cold weather.
05:25December, chill.
05:27So great.
05:29Totally.
05:33Sports.
05:34Did you catch the game last night?
05:39Yeah.
05:40Nail-biter.
05:43And cold weather sports.
05:46You know what's fun?
05:47Mm.
05:47It's cold weather sports.
05:49They are fun.
05:51They blew through them all in the first 16 seconds.
05:55Man, this is awkward.
05:57She's giving me nothing.
05:59He's just staring at me.
06:01She's just staring at me.
06:03It's making me nervous.
06:05Great.
06:06Now my left eye is twitching.
06:08Marshall, it's cool.
06:09She doesn't see it.
06:11What the hell's going on with his eye?
06:14Am I supposed to not talk about that?
06:16Great.
06:17Now my right eye is doing it.
06:22Can I get you two some drinks?
06:23Lots of drinks.
06:24Oh, so many drinks.
06:26That same night, Barney and Lily were still fighting about, um, something.
06:31Or was it that other thing?
06:32Barney.
06:33Extraeber, Lily.
06:34I'm still mad at you for something.
06:37And for that other thing.
06:39Look, I'm sorry.
06:41I hurt your feelings.
06:42But let's be honest.
06:43You've been super sensitive lately.
06:45No, I haven't.
06:47God, how can you say that?
06:50Watch out!
06:52Wait.
06:53They were on the street.
06:54Watch out!
06:57Wow.
06:58Thanks, Lily.
07:00You saved me.
07:02You saved us.
07:05Look.
07:06I know you didn't mean whatever it was you said that made me so mad.
07:10I think I probably didn't.
07:14And just like that, the fight was over.
07:17You know, kids, friendship is funny sometimes.
07:19Wait.
07:20I still can't resist getting one last shot in.
07:24Like I said, the fight was just getting started.
07:32I'm going home.
07:34I'm going home.
07:39I might be watching you soon.
07:40Hi, Captain.
07:41The Captain.
07:43Captain.
07:44Oh, hi, Ted.
07:45Excellent to see.
07:47Yeah, you too.
07:48Where's Zoe?
07:49Well, I'm afraid she's feeling a little under the weather.
07:52Looks like it's just you, me, and six hours in frigid international waters.
07:57or we can stay on dry land hang out with some witnesses you're a hoot
08:05i've been looking forward to this
08:10for a very long time well anchors away kids here's one thing i do remember
08:18i was pretty sure i was going to die that night
08:32you know i had this really boring poetry class in college
08:37you were just thinking that this dinner is really boring that's what made you think of
08:41your boring class in college what what no no no no i'm partial no i know i i just saw
08:47that
08:47bored of specials and i thought god you know what sucks being bored which i am not so that
08:55clears that right up robin i'm an attorney this night's a little awkward i guess it's because
09:04we never hang out alone together why is that because of the mermaid theory two years ago
09:11i had just hired a new assistant at gmb xerr so who's the eye broccoli
09:19okay that's iris my new assistant and yes she's a little plain but i'm married so that's good
09:26mark my words marshall someday you will find iris so excruciatingly attractive
09:31you won't be able to look her directly in the boobs
09:34i don't think that's going to be a problem marshall do you know how the myth of mermaids
09:44came to be i'm sorry myth it was 300 years ago sailors stuck at sea would get desperate for female
09:52companionship it got so bad that eventually the manatees out in the water started to look like
10:00beautiful women mermaids
10:08let's go get some tail
10:15you see every woman no matter how initially repugnant
10:20has a mermaid clock the time it takes for you to realize you want to bone her
10:25sure today you see iris as a manatee
10:29but she ain't gonna stay that way marshall your secretary's mermaid clock starts right
10:36now and it took one year three months and 16 days but eventually
10:54the mermaid theory it's a thing you owe me 500 bucks do we bet on this let's say yes
11:02and that's why we never hang out alone yes as lily's best friend you are the last person
11:07on the planet who's allowed to turn into a mermaid wait does that mean that i'm a manatee right now
11:15big time manatee
11:18whoa what were those sailors thinking
11:22i don't know being out at sea can do crazy things to a man
11:27vast the sea deep endless no one around for miles you could scream and scream and not a soul would
11:43hear you
11:44listen to me
11:48somebody help me i'm trapped on a boat with a madman
11:57see nothing
12:05he's gonna kill me
12:06okay calm down teddy he's not jealous he hasn't even mentioned zoe
12:11so ted i noticed you've been spending a lot of time with zoe
12:23seriously i step away for five seconds and you eat all my onion rings
12:28no surprise there what's that supposed to mean are you calling me fat if there is one thing you never
12:37do it is call a woman fat right to her face wait barney's not a woman that's right barney wasn't
12:45hurt
12:45by lily lily was hurt by barney
12:49wanna hang
12:50nah
12:52watch out
12:57whoa thanks barney you saved me
13:01you saved us
13:03if there's one thing you never do it's call a woman fat right to her face
13:09okay now i'm on track the rest of the story should make perfect sense
13:13oh lily i'm sorry hey you want to see a magic trick
13:22you're a jerk
13:24okay that makes no sense kids i'm officially admitting defeat i will never remember this story
13:30i'm sorry for wasting your time
13:32ted let me show you my harpoon collection just gonna make a quick call
13:36hey silly question what are our exact nautical coordinates how now oh father
13:47well she's a goner
13:51by now the icy tide has already dropped its core temperature to near freezing
13:56and down it goes
13:59now it's at 50 meters complete crushing blackness
14:05100 meters the pressure is so intense the keys are popping right out of its head
14:11head
14:12200 meters no one will ever find its mangled remains save for the crustacea
14:20the feed off its lifeless husk
14:23can you hear me now no because you're on the bottom of the sea
14:31well i got a big morning so dry cleaners bed it's time i have something for you right here
14:45okay you gotta swim for it mosby man versus sea you can do this you didn't get a good effort
14:52ribbon from the shakerheads jcc swim camp because you don't have what it takes
14:55found it
14:57found it
14:57zoe told me you're a scotch drinker
15:00i bought this special for tonight
15:02and just as i started to realize that maybe i wasn't in danger after all we hit a bump
15:11head
15:16okay okay so you're afraid that if you spend too much time alone with me i'll turn into a mermaid
15:22yes i mean sure right now you're bald and leathery and covered in a thick layer of blubber
15:27am i blushing or
15:28but at some point my stupid male brain will transform you into a foxy fish babe singing part of your
15:36world to my pants
15:38okay well even if that happens is there any way to unmermaid me
15:42i asked barney the same thing
15:47once mermaid-ified there's only one way a woman can go back to being unattractive again but it's pretty gruesome
15:54death
15:55worse
15:56pregnancy
15:57if a baby's on board that train it is headed straight back to manatee city
16:02where the grass ain't green and the girls ain't pretty
16:06pregnancy
16:06uh-huh
16:07once a mermaid gets pregnant she becomes a manatee again
16:11i never thought i'd say that sentence
16:13wait that's it that's what barney and lily were fighting about
16:16the mermaid theory
16:18but their argument didn't happen at the same time as all this other stuff
16:21i'm literally in the wrong year
16:24it happened much much later when lily was pregnant
16:27more lily i guess it's just you and me
16:29you wanna hang
16:30nah
16:33whenever we're alone you spend the whole time undressing me with your eyes
16:36you even take off my shoes
16:38high heels chafe my shoulders
16:40but you don't have to worry about that anymore
16:42ever since you got pregnant you're just a big fat manatee
16:48you're the big stupid octopus face
16:52that was it i remember now
16:57wow thanks barney you saved me
17:01you saved us
17:04if there's one thing you never know it's call a woman fat right to her face
17:09i'm sorry lily
17:11hey you want to see a magic trick
17:18you're a jerk
17:22hey hey wait come on i was kidding wait wait wait there is another addendum to the mermaid theory
17:28a pregnant woman who's become a manatee can become a mermaid again through one simple act
17:33what's that
17:34breastfeeding
17:35hot
17:36really
17:37really
17:38when those things swell up to three times their normal size
17:42so do i
17:44that's so sweet
17:46see kids told you i'd get it
17:51okay
17:52now we're even
17:54yeah that's the ending to a whole other story
17:56we'll get there
17:58so you really thought i was gonna kill you
18:01well
18:02ish
18:03oh
18:03ted that's ridiculous
18:06if i wanted to kill you i'd invite you to my hunting lodge
18:08it's far more remote
18:10and i wouldn't have to worry about you turning up in some nosy fisherman's net
18:14see
18:15it's stuff like that
18:16why
18:16why do you talk that way
18:17oh i'm just jesting for sport
18:21see
18:23sometimes i don't bond as well with zoe's younger friends
18:27but
18:28i know she really likes you
18:31i was hoping that maybe we could be buddies
18:35we can
18:36we can be buddies
18:38just not on a boat
18:40fair enough
18:41the hunting lodge it is
18:45whoa
18:45you know
18:46once we stopped trying to have a conversation
18:49and just focused on the drinking
18:51i had fun
18:52yeah
18:52me too
18:53and then a terrible thing happened
18:55marshall's beer goggles kicked in
18:57and his very drunk mind started to see
19:03no
19:04no
19:05no
19:06no
19:07no
19:07don't turn
19:10oh
19:11i don't feel so good
19:13whoa
19:15oh my god
19:19oh my god
19:20oh my god
19:20i am so sorry
19:22oh
19:23you must think i'm totally disgusting
19:26i really do
19:57and from that moment on
19:57we put some time together
19:58i get it
20:00and you were right
20:01he's a nice guy
20:02i mean he can be a little scary
20:05yeah
20:05he gets a little murdery when he's nervous
20:07yeah
20:08he's a creepy dude
20:10but i like him
20:11and uh
20:12you know i just want to make sure
20:14you and i hanging out doesn't you know cross any lines
20:17me too
20:19i mean if either one of us had even the slightest hint of feelings for the other we we shouldn't
20:23hang out
20:25you don't do you
20:27no
20:28do you
20:28no
20:40still no sign of land
20:42dude
20:43it's been 243 days since we've seen another living soul
20:58what are you looking at
21:04dude we need to find land
21:22you
21:24you
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