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Tv, Red Dwarf I -Series 1-E4
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00:27To be continued...
00:40To be continued...
01:03This is an SOS distress call from the mining ship Red Dwarf.
01:06The crew are dead, killed by a radiation leak.
01:10The only survivors were Dave Lister, who was in suspended animation during the disaster,
01:14and his pregnant cat, who was safely sealed in the hold.
01:17Revived three million years later, Lister's only companions are
01:21a life form who evolved from his cat, and Arnold Rimmer, a hologram simulation of one of the dead crew.
01:28The most interesting event that happened recently was that Lister pretended he'd passed the chef's exam,
01:33although really he failed.
01:35That gives you some idea of how truly exciting some days can be around here.
01:43Holly, give me access to the crew's confidential reports.
01:46Those are for the captain's eyes only, Arnold.
01:49Fine, well we'll give him ten seconds to come back from the dead,
01:51and if he hasn't managed it, we'll presume I'm in charge, eh?
01:56No, he hasn't managed it.
01:58Whose do you want?
02:00Give me... give me Lister's, just the remarks.
02:03David Lister, technician, third class.
02:06Captain's remarks.
02:08Has requested sick leave due to diarrhoea on no less than 500 occasions.
02:13Left his previous job as a supermarket trolley attendant after ten years,
02:17because he didn't want to get tied down to a career.
02:20Promotion prospects, zero.
02:22I always liked Captain Hollister.
02:25Such a great reader of men was Captain Hollister,
02:27a marvellous, marvellous man, and a tragic loss to us all.
02:31All right, Holly, give me... give me mine.
02:34Arnold Rimmer, technician, second class.
02:37Captain's remarks.
02:38There's a saying amongst the officers,
02:40if a job's worth doing, it's worth doing well.
02:42If it's not worth doing, give it to Rimmer.
02:45He hates the responsibility, but constantly fails the engineering exam.
02:48Whoa, whoa, whoa, Holly, Holly,
02:50I want my report, Rimmer, two M's, E-R.
02:54Astoundingly zealous, possibly mad,
02:56probably has more teeth than brain cells.
02:59Promotion prospects, comical.
03:01No, no, no, no, Holly,
03:01I want Rimmer, that's two R's,
03:03one at the front, one at the back.
03:05Arnold, this is your report.
03:07I always hated that pushead, Hollister.
03:09He always resented my popularity.
03:11That's why he never put forward my proposal
03:14to reduce the minimum haircut length by an eighth of an inch.
03:16Small-minded, petty-thinking modo.
03:19Arnold, I'm picking up an unidentified object.
03:22Constantly fails the exam?
03:23I'd hardly call 11 times constantly.
03:26I mean, if you eat roast beef 11 times in your life,
03:29one would hardly say that person constantly eats roast beef.
03:32No, it would be a rare, nay, freak occurrence.
03:36Possibly mad?
03:37What is he dribbling about?
03:38It's on the screen, Arnold.
03:40What is?
03:40The UO.
03:41What is it?
03:42I don't know.
03:43Well, you'd better find out, haven't you?
03:44It's obviously beyond me.
03:45I've got more teeth than brain cells, remember?
03:49Yes, you have.
04:09Would you like some toast?
04:11Mm-mm.
04:11It's a nice, hot, crisp, brown butter toast.
04:14Mm-mm.
04:14You don't want any toast, then?
04:16No.
04:17What about a muffin?
04:18Nothing.
04:20You know, the last time you had toast, 18 days ago, 11.36,
04:23Tuesday the 3rd, two rounds.
04:25Shh.
04:25I mean, what's the point of buying a toaster
04:28with artificial intelligence if you don't like toast?
04:30I do like toast.
04:32I mean, this is my job.
04:34This is cruel.
04:35Look, I'm busy.
04:37Oh, you're not busy eating toast, are you?
04:39I don't want any.
04:41I mean, the whole purpose of my existence
04:43is to serve you with hot, buttered, scrummy toast.
04:46If you don't want any, then my existence is meaningless.
04:49Good.
04:50I toast.
04:51Therefore, I am.
04:53Will you shut up?
04:59What are you doing?
05:01I'm reading.
05:02What, with your nose?
05:03Yeah, it's a cat book.
05:04They don't use marks.
05:05They use smells.
05:06You run your nose along the line
05:07and all the different smells are released.
05:09It's really good.
05:09What a pathetic idea.
05:12Well, yeah, unlike you, remember,
05:13my mind is open to new cultures,
05:14new ways of looking at and doing things.
05:16And what does it say?
05:19It says, see, dick, run.
05:22Run, dick, run.
05:25Run, home, dick.
05:28That's the cat equivalent of Shakespeare, is it?
05:32Shakespeare?
05:32Who's Shakespeare?
05:33You moron.
05:34A playwright in the olden days, Wilfred Shakespeare.
05:39I'm only just starting out.
05:40This is for three-year-olds, so you should try it.
05:42I'm not the slightest bit interested in smelling
05:45anything cats have to say, thank you, Lister.
05:46You don't know what you're missing.
05:48Remember, there's this brilliant one
05:49where dick buys this ball,
05:51this big ball,
05:52this big red ball.
05:54It's amazing stuff.
05:56You ought to try reading your shirt sometime, Lister.
05:58It's probably a novel by Victor Hugo.
06:01Anyway, if you're interested, Holly's spotted...
06:04Is that my shirt?
06:05Yeah, I borrowed it.
06:07What's that down the front?
06:08That's definitely biscuit.
06:11That's custard.
06:12That's definitely ink
06:13and just general sort of dirty marks.
06:15You can't just go through my possessions.
06:17Come on, you don't need them anymore.
06:18Because I'm dead?
06:19Yeah.
06:20You're the hologram,
06:21and holograms don't need clothes.
06:23They're my things, Lister.
06:24Would you steal Veruca cream
06:25from a man with no feet?
06:28I mean, how would you like it
06:29if I stole your T-shirt,
06:30your favourite one
06:31with the custard stains
06:32down the front?
06:33I wouldn't care.
06:34You've got no right
06:35to go through my wardrobe.
06:36Okay, okay.
06:39You keep your underpants
06:40and coat hangers, don't you?
06:43That's private!
06:45Okay, Rimmer, okay.
06:46Take the shirt back.
06:48I don't want it.
06:49It's ruined.
06:49You've sweated in it.
06:50Well, if you don't want the shirt,
06:51what do you want, Rimmer?
06:52Just keep out of my things, all right?
06:54Okay, okay.
06:54What's Holly spotted?
06:55An unidentified object.
06:57You mean a rock?
06:58It might not be.
06:59There are always rocks.
07:01Mostly they're rocks, I agree,
07:02but maybe this one's different.
07:03Rimmer, there's nothing out there,
07:05you know.
07:05There's nobody out there.
07:07No alien monsters,
07:08no Zargon warships,
07:10no beautiful blondes
07:11with beehive hairdos
07:12who say,
07:13show me some more
07:13of this earth thing
07:14called kissing.
07:16It's just you,
07:17me,
07:17the cat,
07:18and a lot of floating,
07:19smegging rocks.
07:20That's it.
07:21Finito.
07:22Lister,
07:22if there's no one out there,
07:23what's the point in existence?
07:24Why are we here?
07:25Beats me.
07:26You want some toast?
07:29Arnold,
07:30the unidentified object
07:31is now in visual range.
07:33All right, Holly,
07:34I'm on my way.
07:44Ow!
07:45Nice jump.
07:46Hey!
07:48Smooth,
07:49with a capital smooth.
07:51Okay.
07:52Time to get out the food,
07:55detector.
07:57This way.
07:58Ow!
08:00Ooh!
08:01Yeah, yeah.
08:03This way.
08:06Ow!
08:07This way.
08:08Yay!
08:10Ah, you.
08:12Where have you been?
08:13Investigating.
08:14Investigating this.
08:15Investigating that.
08:16General investigation.
08:17General investigation, eh?
08:19Ah, splendid.
08:22Keep it up.
08:23Okay.
08:24Fine.
08:25Well, if you'll just excuse me.
08:26Hey, you can't have my shiny thing.
08:28I found it.
08:29It's my shiny thing.
08:30What are you driveling about?
08:32This
08:33is my shiny thing.
08:35And if you try and take it off me,
08:37I may have to eat you.
08:38It's a yo-yo, you modo.
08:40It does two amazing things.
08:42One, you have the shiny thing at the top
08:44and the string down below.
08:46Or, and this is the clever part,
08:48you have the string at the top
08:49and the shiny thing down here
08:50where the string used to be.
08:51Yeah!
08:59You haven't the slightest clue
09:00what it's for, do you?
09:01Why, sure I do, Grease Stain.
09:02You hold a shiny thing in one hand
09:04and you go,
09:06wow!
09:07The string's moving!
09:09Hey!
09:09Stop that string!
09:11Hit that string!
09:13Ow!
09:16Where is it?
09:17It's in Scoop Rain, Jarnop.
09:19It's a pod!
09:21Holly, bring it in!
09:27Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm back!
09:29Feeling good!
09:31Feed me.
09:31Cat, hi.
09:32I haven't seen you for ages.
09:34Where have you been?
09:35Investigating.
09:36Got you some crispies.
09:38Yeah, yeah, yeah.
09:40Hey, look, the book you gave me, you know.
09:41It's got a brilliant ending.
09:43I could hardly believe me nose.
09:45Forget that.
09:46Got you this.
09:47The one you asked about,
09:49the holy book.
09:49Oh, great.
09:57Hey, pictures?
09:58Yeah, that's a cat thing.
10:00You see, sometimes in a book
10:02we have a drawing of something
10:03that is happening in the story
10:04and we call them pictures.
10:06Yeah, yeah, we have pictures too.
10:08You monkeys are smarter than I thought.
10:10This is me?
10:12No, that's not you.
10:13That's Cloyster.
10:14He was the father of the cat people.
10:16He lived years ago at the beginning.
10:18Who's that?
10:19That's him frozen in time.
10:21No, that's me.
10:22I was entostasis.
10:23That's what frozen in time is.
10:25He did that to save Frankenstein.
10:26Frankenstein.
10:27Look, Frankenstein was my pet cat.
10:29Look, Lister, Cloyster, Cloyster, Lister.
10:32See?
10:33Listen, you stupid monkey.
10:34Cloyster is another name for God.
10:36For God.
10:37That's what I'm saying.
10:39I am your God.
10:45Okay.
10:47Turn this into a woman.
10:50I'm serious.
10:52So am I.
10:54Look, Frankenstein was my pet cat, right?
10:56And she was pregnant.
10:57Now, I got put into suspended animation.
10:59I was supposed to be there for 18 months,
11:01but I didn't get out for 3 million years.
11:03You oversleep, so do I.
11:05No.
11:06What I'm saying is that over those 3 million years,
11:09your entire race of people evolved from my pet cat.
11:13I gotta go now, man.
11:14But let's do lunch sometime.
11:17I'll put it in my diary.
11:1912.30, lunch with God.
11:22And you're like, formal drinks, you know what I'm saying?
11:25It is true, you know.
11:26Yeah?
11:27Then I gotta ask you the ultimate question.
11:28If you're God, why that face?
11:33What's wrong with me face?
11:34What's wrong with your face?
11:35It's upside down and inside out.
11:37That's what's wrong with me.
11:41Holly?
11:42Yes, Dave?
11:43If I give you my cat dictionary,
11:45can you translate this for me?
11:47I'll give it a go, Dave.
11:48Why always asking him?
11:50I'll do it.
11:51You're a toaster?
11:52Yeah, I was thinking of packing it in.
11:54It's turning me into something I don't like.
11:56I'm not a moaner by nature, you know.
11:58No, by nature, you're a toaster.
12:00Yeah, it just strikes me there might be something more.
12:03Something greater.
12:04Something unimaginably more splendid than heating bread.
12:09Lister, it's arrived!
12:11What has?
12:12The UO, it's a pod!
12:13Where?
12:13The observation room!
12:14Yes!
12:15No point in running, Lister.
12:17It's mine.
12:18I found it.
12:19I've got bagsies!
12:22He's such a child, that boy.
12:26Is it safe, Holly?
12:28Yes, Dave.
12:31Lister, no point in running.
12:32I found it and it's mine.
12:33Calm down.
12:34Dead people can have heart attacks too, you know.
12:36What is it?
12:38I don't know.
12:38It's obviously some sort of alien capsule.
12:40And clearly they're intelligent, Lister.
12:42Ah, the chance to meet an intelligent life form after 18 weeks alone with you.
12:47OK, Mr. Intelligence.
12:49What are those markings?
12:51I don't know.
12:52I don't speak alien, you gimboid.
12:55Ah!
12:58What are you doing, Lister?
12:59We don't know if it's safe.
13:01It's quarantined.
13:01You might get some squiggly, slimy thing stuck to your face.
13:05Of course it's safe.
13:06Come in.
13:07Come on.
13:07Come in.
13:18Ha, ha, ha.
13:20TV.
13:21All right, Lister, we'll play it your way.
13:23But don't think you're coming out of there.
13:24You're in there for a month.
13:25You're in quarantine.
13:26What did you say, Rimeo?
13:29Why do you never do what I tell you, eh?
13:31Don't you think there's a shining good reason why I'm your superior?
13:34Yeah.
13:34You've been with the company for 15 years.
13:36No, it's not.
13:36And I've been with them for eight months.
13:37No, it's not.
13:38It's because I'm better than you.
13:40Better trained, better equipped, better...
13:44Better?
13:46Just... just better.
13:47But that must mean the rest of the crew are better than you, then.
13:49No, it doesn't.
13:49It means...
13:51I'm not going to let you bait me this, so this is far too important.
13:54Just you wait here, keep that door closed, till I get back with the scutters.
13:57Tight.
14:02Oh, Rimeo is such a smaghead, man.
14:07Hang on a minute.
14:11Give me an R.
14:14Give me an E.
14:16Give me a D.
14:18Give me a Red Dwarf Garbage Pod.
14:24Holly, did Rimeo never work in Waste Disposal?
14:28No, Dave.
14:29It's one of our Red Dwarf Garbage Pods with, like, the writing bent off in places.
14:34Why didn't you tell him?
14:35Well, it's a laugh, isn't it?
14:42After intensive investigation, comma, of the markings on the alien pod, comma, it has become clear, comma, to me, comma,
14:54that we are dealing, comma, with a species of awesome intellect, colon.
14:59Good.
15:00Perhaps I might be able to give you a hand with your punctuation.
15:03Shut up.
15:11Lights?
15:14Lister, are you awake?
15:17Lister?
15:18Lister?
15:21LISTER!
15:23Are you awake?
15:24Yeah, yeah.
15:26Yeah, I couldn't sleep either.
15:28The excitement.
15:30What excitement?
15:31The alien excitement.
15:32Remember, it's garbage.
15:34You can scoff, Lister, that's nothing new.
15:36They laughed at Galileo, they laughed at Edison, they laughed at Columbo.
15:40Who's Columbo?
15:41The man with a dirty Mac who discovered America.
15:44What makes you think these aliens exist?
15:47They must do, Lister.
15:48There's so many things that are strange and odd, so many things we don't have any explanation for.
15:54Like, um, why do intelligent people buy cinema hot dogs?
15:57Do you mean that sort of weird and mysterious thing?
15:59No, Lister, I mean like the pyramids.
16:02How did they move such massive pieces of stone without the aid of modern technology?
16:06They had massive whips, Rimmer.
16:08Massive, massive whips.
16:10All right, then.
16:11The Bermuda Triangle.
16:12Go on, explain that one.
16:13You know all the answers.
16:14No, I agree, dear.
16:15That is a genuine mystery.
16:16How did a song like that ever become a hater?
16:1865's a little reason.
16:19I just don't know why I bother.
16:21I get more sense out of a squashed hedgehog.
16:24Lister, don't you ever stop and wonder?
16:25Why are we here?
16:26What's the grand purpose?
16:29Why does it have to be such a big deal?
16:31Why can't it be like, you know, human beings or a planetary disease?
16:35Like the Earth's got German measles or facial herpes, right?
16:39And that's why all the other planets give us such a wide berth.
16:42It's like, oh, don't go near Earth.
16:44It's got human beings, aren't they contagious?
16:46So you're saying, Lister, you're an intergalactic, pus-filled cold sore?
16:51At last, Lister, we agree on something.
16:54Oh, what do you believe in, then?
16:56Do you believe in God?
16:57God, certainly not.
16:59What a preposterous thought.
17:00I believe in aliens, Lister.
17:02Oh, right, fine.
17:03Something sensible at last.
17:06Aliens, Lister, with technology so far in advance of our own,
17:09we can't even begin to imagine.
17:11Look, that's not difficult.
17:13Mankind doesn't even get the technology to create a toupee
17:15that doesn't get big laughs.
17:18Aliens, Lister, who can give me a real body.
17:21Ooh, I can't wait to see your face in the morning.
17:24I really can't.
17:26And nor are I yours, Lister.
17:27When that pot opens and from it emerges a beautiful alien woman
17:31with long green hair and six breasts.
17:36Six breasts?
17:38Imagine making love to a woman with six breasts.
17:42Imagine making love to a woman.
17:44Oh.
17:52Good morning.
17:54How can I help you?
17:55Bonjour.
17:56Um, give me breakfast.
17:58What would you like?
17:59Uh, chicken vindaloo.
18:01And a milkshake.
18:03What flavour milkshake?
18:04Um, beer.
18:08Morning, Dave.
18:09I've finished your translation.
18:11Whose cloister is it me?
18:13Yes, Dave.
18:14The cats have made you their god.
18:15Hey, working class kid makes good.
18:18Your plan to buy a farm on Fiji
18:21and open up a hot dog and doughnut diner
18:23has become their image of heaven.
18:24What?
18:26And cloister spake.
18:27Lo, I shall lead you to Fushaw.
18:30And there we shall open a temple of food
18:32wherein shall be sausages and savoury doughnuts
18:35and all manner of bountiful things.
18:37Yea, even individual sachets of mustard.
18:41And those who serve shall wear hats of great majesty.
18:44Yea, though they be made of coloured cardboard
18:46and have humorous arrows through the top.
18:50Does it say what happened to the rest of the cats?
18:53Holy wars.
18:54There were thousands of years of fighting, Dave,
18:56between the two factions.
18:57What two factions?
18:59Well, the ones who believed the hats should be red
19:01and the ones who believed the hats should be blue.
19:03Do you mean they had a war
19:04over whether the doughnut diner hats were red or blue?
19:07Yea.
19:08Most of them were killed fighting about that.
19:11It's daft, really, isn't it?
19:11You're not kidding.
19:13They were supposed to be green.
19:18Go on, hot.
19:19Well, finally, they called a truce
19:21and built two arks and left red dwarf in search of Fushaw.
19:24But there's no such place as Fushaw.
19:26It's Fiji.
19:27I mean, how are they supposed to find it?
19:29And cloister gave to Frankenstein the sacred writing,
19:31saying,
19:32those who have wisdom will know its meaning.
19:34And it was written thus.
19:36Seven socks,
19:38one shirt.
19:39That's my laundry list.
19:41I lined the cat's basket with me laundry list.
19:45The blue hats thought it was a star chart
19:46leading to the promised land.
19:48Well, it wasn't.
19:49It was my dirty washing.
19:52What happened next, hop?
19:53And the ark that left first
19:55followed the sacred signs.
19:57And lo,
19:57they flew straight into an asteroid.
20:00And the righteous in the second ark
20:02flew ever onward,
20:03knowing they were indeed righteous.
20:05This is terrible.
20:07Holy wars, killing.
20:08They're just using religion as an excuse
20:10to be extremely crappy to each other.
20:13So what else is new?
20:16I'm not interested.
20:18And they're killing each other
20:18over which coloured cardboard hat to wear.
20:20I'm not interested.
20:22But don't you think it's amazing?
20:23No.
20:23You know what happened to people
20:24who didn't eat hot dogs on Fushaw all day?
20:27They were stoned to death by stale doughnuts.
20:30Listen, what do you want me to say?
20:31Congratulations, you're God.
20:33I'm talking about the suffering.
20:35People died.
20:35I mean, cats, that cat people died.
20:38You've just come here to rub my nose in it.
20:40I could have been God, you know,
20:42given a different start in life,
20:43given the lucky showbiz break you had.
20:45I don't want to be a God.
20:47That's the point.
20:48No, vomitisation.
20:49I don't believe it.
20:51I'm God, but it's a bit of a drag, actually.
20:53Come on.
20:54I'm not a God.
20:55I've just been misquoted.
20:57Listen, for my money,
20:58anyone who goes around reading meaning
21:00into any old gobbledygook deserves everything they get.
21:02I mean, if I had eight socks on me laundry list
21:05instead of seven,
21:06or if I owned more than one pair of underpants,
21:08they might have been safe.
21:10I just wish I could meet them
21:11and explain and apologise.
21:14Well, that would look spectacular, wouldn't it, Lister?
21:16God returns in all his splendour
21:18and says,
21:18Sorry, it's all been a total cock-up.
21:21I didn't ask for this.
21:22I didn't ask to become their God.
21:24I didn't ask to be killed, Lister.
21:26Life's a bitch.
21:27Now, smeg off.
21:27I'm busy.
21:28I mean, they just made stuff up, you know.
21:29I'm supposed to have given them five sacred laws.
21:32Five sacred laws.
21:33I've broken four of them meself.
21:35I've broken the fifth,
21:37but there's no sheep on board.
21:39Bye-bye.
21:40I mean, Rimmer,
21:41what sorts of holy writ is this, Rimmer?
21:43It is a sin to be cool.
21:45Look, I'm sick of hearing about these stupid cats!
21:47My concerns are slightly more meaningful
21:50than what coloured stupid smegging cardboard hat I'm wearing.
21:53I'm trying to decipher this.
21:55This is science, laddie!
21:57You can smirk, Lister,
21:58but I believe the Quagars...
22:00Quagars?
22:01Quagars!
22:02It's a name I made up.
22:03Double A, actually.
22:04I believe the Quagars
22:06have the technology to give me a new body.
22:08Never mind this, Tot.
22:09Where's the cat?
22:10Tot.
22:11Tot.
22:11Tot!
22:12Tot!
22:13Tot!
22:13Tot!
22:14Tot!
22:14Tot!
22:14We'll soon see how totty it is, laddie.
22:16The quarantine period's nearly up!
22:19Bastard!
22:23Cat!
22:24Cat!
22:27Holly, where's the cat?
22:29He's no longer in my supervision field, Dave.
22:32He's gone down to the cargo decks.
22:34I lost him as he entered supply pipe 28.
22:38Cat!
22:40Cat!
22:41Cat!
22:42Come on!
22:43Cat!
22:47Come on, kitty, kitty!
22:50Cat, come on!
22:52Oh, the crispies are going warm!
22:55Cat, come on!
22:55Cat, come on!
22:58Ow!
22:59Yeah!
23:00Yeah, yeah, yeah!
23:01Hey, fellas!
23:03Yes, sir!
23:04I'm back!
23:05Feeling good!
23:07Feed me!
23:08You're always leaving me!
23:10Where do you go?
23:11Investigating!
23:12See, I have these feet!
23:14I'm dying!
23:15I'm telling you about my feet!
23:17My investigating feet!
23:18Don't you hear me?
23:20I'm dying!
23:21Yeah, but I'm telling you about my feet!
23:24Oh, why should you listen to me?
23:26A blind old priest that's lost his faith!
23:29I'm not listening to you!
23:31I'm trying to tell you about my feet!
23:33What do you care?
23:34I don't care!
23:35You're the one who's doing the dying, not me!
23:38Why should I let it spoil my evening?
23:41Cat!
23:46Cat!
23:51Cat, when I get you, I'm going to turn you into a kebab!
23:56Holly!
23:57Can you still hear me?
24:02Cat!
24:03Cat!
24:06Burn the sacred hat!
24:09That's a fearsome hat!
24:12Burn it!
24:12Burn it!
24:13It's the symbol of the lies!
24:17It burned all my life!
24:19I've served a lie!
24:22Because you're not there, Cloyster, are you?
24:25You've never been there!
24:28You don't exist!
24:34Who's that?
24:35Who's I, Cloyster!
24:37Who is it, boy?
24:38I've told you, it's me, Cloyster.
24:40I've returned a bit of things.
24:41Is it him?
24:42Is it truly him?
24:44Does he look like a king?
24:46A king?
24:46Yeah, yeah.
24:47Is he wearing the donut and the golden sausage?
24:51Yeah, yeah.
24:52Then it truly is him.
24:55Oh, I failed you, Cloyster.
24:59All these years I kept my face.
25:01I wore the holy custard stain and the sacred gravy marks.
25:07I renounced coolness and chose the righteous path of slobbiness.
25:14But in the end, I failed you.
25:19Why didn't you go on the arcs with the rest of the cats?
25:22They left us behind.
25:25The sick and the lame left us to die.
25:29But then the boy was born to the cripple and the idiot.
25:35What idiot?
25:35Is he your father, boy?
25:38My father was a jelly brain?
25:40Yes.
25:40That's why he ate his own feet.
25:43I just wondered.
25:45But just one by one we died.
25:48My faith died also.
25:50You tested me, Cloyster.
25:53I failed you.
25:55Oh, no.
25:56You didn't fail, old man.
25:58You passed.
25:59I'm giving you...
26:00I'm giving you an A-plus distinction.
26:03You mean there's a place for me on Fouchel?
26:06A place?
26:08You've got your own bathroom on sweet court floors,
26:11your own barbecue on the patio,
26:13double glazing, a phone and everything.
26:15And my hat!
26:17I've burned my sacred hat!
26:21No, you haven't.
26:25A miracle.
26:29This isn't the happiest today, everybody.
26:42Did I ever tell you about my feet?
26:44My investigating feet?
26:45Once upon a time, there was an old man...
26:56Well, are you ready for this rimmer?
26:59Open it, open it!
27:03Well, what's there?
27:04Are you sure you're ready for this rimmer?
27:07Yes, come on, you dim boy!
27:14A stupendous moment in my own personal history.
27:19The perfectly preserved remains of a Quaigar warrior.
27:24Yeah, right, Bill, absolutely.
27:26They must have looked something like...
27:29a roast chicken.
27:36It's a garbage pod.
27:42More or less...
27:45It's a smegging garbage pod!
27:47Let it be fun, fun, so it's clear!
27:51Fun, fun, fun!
27:54It's a sun, sun, sun!
27:57I want to lie!
27:59Ship flexing for my toes!
28:01Drinking fresh mango juice!
28:04Go for the show!
28:06Slippling up my toes!
28:08Fun, fun, fun!
28:11It's a sun, sun!
28:14Fun, fun, fun!
28:16In the sun, sun, sun!
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