- 14 hours ago
First broadcast 25th November 2005.
Stephen Fry
Alan Davies
John Sessions
Clive Anderson
Mark Steel
Stephen Fry
Alan Davies
John Sessions
Clive Anderson
Mark Steel
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:00Hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, and welcome to the high-rolling, low-scoring casino of confusion that we call QI.
00:08Joining me at the craps table tonight are John Sessions, Clive Anderson, Mark Steele, and Alan Davis.
00:26Well, they may look like comedians to you, but they're actually double agents working behind enemy lines, fighting to keep
00:33your world interesting.
00:36Time to show off your gadgets, boys. John goes...
00:42And Clive goes...
00:48And Mark goes...
00:55And Alan goes...
01:01Well, let's start with the basics, and the letter C, our constant companion this season.
01:06Who was C, and how many legs did he have?
01:10Is it like a Q in the name thing, like in Bond?
01:12Ah, you're right on the right trail, yeah.
01:15All heads of one of the services are called C, after the first and founding head.
01:20The Sea Lord.
01:22No, no, because stop it at once.
01:25No.
01:26No, his name was...
01:28Cumming.
01:29Yes.
01:30That was his name.
01:31Stop it.
01:32Yes.
01:32He said stop it, and I meant...
01:34How did he get the job, then?
01:38He was called Sir Mansfield Cumming.
01:40He got the job by founding the department in the first place.
01:42Ah, the war.
01:43Well, it was originally the Secret Service Bureau, the SSB.
01:47What happened to MI 1, 2, 3, and 4?
01:50Interesting point.
01:51I can't furnish you with all the details, because I would have to eat myself if I did.
01:54But, um...
01:56Sir Mansfield Cumming was an early spy.
01:59He was born in the 1850s, and he died in 1923, and his service came into its own in the
02:04First World War.
02:05And did he write his name in small letters, like E.E. Cummings?
02:08Well, oddly enough, what he did was he signed every memo and every document with the letter C, the initial
02:13miscernate, in green ink, which is a practice still performed by all heads of MI 6.
02:18Those little four-color pens, they all...
02:22Did he have one leg, then, or something?
02:24He had one leg.
02:25He had a wooden leg and a real fleshy leg, as it were.
02:28And did he, and the wooden leg, he could use for all sorts of spying, couldn't he?
02:31Probably a telescope.
02:33Mmm.
02:35Poison darts, keeping things in.
02:37He loved to stab himself in the leg at meetings, with a pen or a knife.
02:42He's barking, this bloke.
02:43Yeah, of course.
02:44And he would take the leg for a ride on a scooter down the corridors, while his other leg worked
02:48furiously on the ground.
02:49He was quite eccentric.
02:50But which came first?
02:51Did he stab himself in the leg, and that's why he had to have a false one, or did he
02:55have a false one?
02:55He was in a car accident in France, and he hacked off his leg, which was trapped.
03:00Yes.
03:00With a pen knife.
03:01Oh, fantastic.
03:03So he was a brave man.
03:04Not only that, he went around Germany in 1911, spying on German war preparations, posing as a German businessman, and
03:11unable to speak word one of German.
03:14Oh, no.
03:15But he came back alive.
03:16I was born in Dortmund, and I remember as a very small boy, I was wearing those Liederhausen.
03:29When did he have a car crash, John?
03:30But before cars?
03:33He was on his own.
03:34Did he hit a tree or something?
03:35Line there, coal bin.
03:36I'm looking at my information card here, because you're really pumping me, Alan.
03:39You're pumping me here.
03:42He was born with two legs, apparently.
03:44But he lost one.
03:45Well, there's nothing very remarkable about that.
03:48That's what you count as quite interesting.
03:50No, no, it builds, you see.
03:51It builds from that.
03:52But he lost one after a car accident in France that also killed his only son, Alistair, which is the
03:57sad part.
03:58Do you know when Nelson lost his arm?
03:59No.
04:00He said it was so agonizing, because they didn't have any form of anesthetic.
04:04But he said the worst thing about it was that the sore was cold.
04:07So thereafter, the surgeon, just to make it a lot easier, warmed the sore.
04:13The South Africans once picked for their cricket team a one-legged Norwegian.
04:18I mean, it was in the time of apartheid, so it was quite poignant, because they were more likely to
04:24get in the South African cricket team if you were a one-legged Norwegian than if you were black with
04:28two legs.
04:30Do you know the name of the currency?
04:32John Scarlet.
04:32Yes, Scarlet.
04:33John Scarlet.
04:34Do you know who he took over from?
04:36Rather wonderful name.
04:37I picture these two, Alistair Darling, with this one.
04:39He's called Sir Richard Dearlove.
04:40Oh, yes.
04:42Dearlove, darling, darling, dearlove.
04:44So, dearlove I'm coming.
04:46Yes, dearlove.
04:48We just hope that Geoffrey Tissue is nearby to help.
04:54Well, there we are, there's good old C.
04:56Another curious C is Mr. Cleve Crudgington of California.
05:01Why don't you tell us about Mr. Cleve Crudgington and what he does with corks?
05:06Is his name Cleve, was this a mispronunciation of the proper name Clive,
05:09which no other nationality can pronounce.
05:12The French would call you Cleve.
05:14Cleve, they always do, yes.
05:15Yes, of course they would.
05:15In America, they tend to call you Clyde, because they've heard of the name Clyde, but not...
05:19Do you know where it comes from?
05:20Yeah, it comes from Robert Clive.
05:21Clive of India, as he got known.
05:23There is his actual title, Clive of Plassey, but for some reason he's got upgraded in the public memory.
05:28There was a generation of television Clive.
05:31I mean, there's Clive James, Clive Anderson.
05:32We're all the same, unfortunately, because no eyes, no neck, no hair.
05:38Easily confused.
05:39We're all bald.
05:40No Clive has any hair.
05:42Clive Woodward, the rugby man.
05:44Yes.
05:44Clive James, Clive Sinclair, me.
05:47I can't think of a Clive with any hair.
05:49Anyway, back to Cleve Crudgington and his corks.
05:53Did he insert them in his person?
05:58You will never know how thin the ice upon which you were skating was there.
06:02We have a little forfeit all ready for you.
06:04Oh, there it is.
06:11Because we know that's what you were thinking.
06:16Does he make the hats for Australians?
06:18Does he tie the corks?
06:19Oh, that's a beautiful thought.
06:20No, he doesn't do that.
06:23It's a very sad story.
06:24He has a wife called Gloria who had an uncle
06:29who died at a wedding.
06:31Ah.
06:31And he died because he was opening a bottle of champagne
06:33and the cork hit him in the face and killed him.
06:35Yes.
06:36So he determined that this should never happen again.
06:39No one should ever kill themselves opening a bottle of champagne.
06:41Yeah.
06:42So he invented a champagne cork opener.
06:45Well, I thought the technique was just to hold the cork
06:47and twist the bottle and then it comes up in a dribble
06:49rather than bursting out.
06:50And if you're twisting, it means you're gripping it properly.
06:52So, you know, there's no danger of it.
06:53The cork flying in there.
06:54People who do that are barking at me.
06:56I mean, I don't...
06:58Well, unless you're trying to kill someone.
07:00Yes.
07:01Or, you know, the Formula One thing.
07:03Why am I doing that?
07:04Yeah.
07:08I was always taught to do that.
07:09Yes, you twist it.
07:10Yeah, twist it.
07:10Yeah, that's it.
07:11Where do you get taught these things?
07:12Well, where did you go to school, Mark Steele?
07:15Well, I went to Swanley Comprehensive
07:17and that was every Tuesday morning we did double champagne.
07:23I know that Verve Clicquot means Widow Clicquot.
07:28It does.
07:28The widow.
07:29Tell me what crook means then, as in crook champagne.
07:33It means something Geoffrey Archer will serve you.
07:35For some reason.
07:36He is famous for his crook and shepherd's pie parties.
07:38And his jail sentence.
07:39Crook's fair.
07:43Fair point.
07:45It means kind of beard mug, actually, rather oddly.
07:49Our word crock comes from the same word, crook.
07:52Dom Perignon was the man who invented it, wasn't he?
07:55No, not really.
07:56No.
07:56One thing it is known of him is he spent his life
07:58trying to get this damn fizziness out of his wine.
08:01He thought it was a terrible mistake.
08:02He didn't want it.
08:03It was really the British who seemed to have invented champagne
08:05or at least to have imported wine from the champagne region
08:08and deliberately to have made it fizzy.
08:10Yeah.
08:10And we also had the only technology that allowed bottles
08:12that would not explode.
08:14Anyway, what makes bubbly actually bubbly?
08:17Carbon dioxide.
08:23No.
08:24Carbon dioxide is what the bubbles are made of,
08:27but it's not what makes them bubble,
08:29if you see what I mean.
08:30Yeah.
08:31It's toys.
08:31They put a little bit of toy.
08:34It's the release of pressure that makes them...
08:37Well, it's...
08:38...emerge from their dissolved state.
08:40Condensation nuclei are what I wanted to think of.
08:44That was on the tip of my tongue.
08:45I've written that down.
08:46What it is, is that in absolutely pure, say, pure distilled water,
08:50the exact amount of carbon dioxide that, say,
08:53produces the supposed quarter of a billion bubbles per bottle of champagne,
08:57would just dissolve invisibly in the water.
09:00But the impurities from the glass, bits of dirt, any flick,
09:04it's like, like, like a, you know, a pearl from an oyster.
09:06It needs that.
09:07And it's called the condensation nucleus.
09:09And about those tiny, invisible specks, each bubble is formed.
09:12So if you had a really clean glass...
09:14Utterly clean glass.
09:15So you could, in fact, if you got champagne and it was fizzing,
09:18you could say, well, that's evidence that this glass is filthy,
09:21that I'm not...
09:22You're absolutely correct.
09:24You're absolutely right, because it's not glass itself.
09:26They used to think it was grooves and indentations in the glass,
09:29but they've since discovered through new photographic techniques
09:31that's not the case.
09:32It is actually bits of dirt and things.
09:35If you prefer it more fizzy, can you put a lump of mud in it?
09:40But I'm allergic to champagne.
09:42As a matter of fact, I can't drink it.
09:43Last time I had some, I was in the hospital.
09:44Maybe you're allergic to the condensation nuclei.
09:49No, at the risk of terrible name-dropping,
09:50what actually happened, this was not...
09:51I didn't even touch the glass, Mark.
09:53That's the weird thing.
09:53I'm so allergic.
09:54And the better the champagne, the more allergic I'm.
09:56But this was at a party given by their graces,
09:59the Duke and Duchess of Westminster.
10:01And...
10:03Oh, no!
10:05Come on!
10:06No!
10:08There you go!
10:10There you go!
10:12And the richest man in the country,
10:13apart from Roman, Abramovich.
10:16I never penetrated his intimate circle, but...
10:21Anyway, let's move away.
10:23There is a small hill in Cumbria
10:27called Taupenhow,
10:29or Trepano, it's sometimes pronounced,
10:31but there you see it, Taupenhow.
10:32I want to know why it's not only quite interesting,
10:35but it's twice as interesting
10:36as Mount Fujiyama.
10:38Because that's where all the heroines
10:39from Melvin Bragg's novels get shagged.
10:43Is this Mount Fuji in Japan?
10:45Yeah.
10:46The film that the snow-capped, monstrous volcano...
10:49I would invite you to look at the word and have a think.
10:51What's the word made up of?
10:53Three syllables, Taupenhow.
10:55Taupenhow.
10:56Taupenhow is a hill,
10:56so is Pen, so is How.
10:58It's three hills.
10:59So Taupenhow hill, which I asked you about...
11:01And it's a tautology.
11:02...is four hills.
11:03It's a quadruple pianism, a quadruple...
11:05Just like Fujiyama, the word mountain is included in the word.
11:10Fuji is Mount, so Mount Fuji, that's why it's twice as interesting.
11:13Ah, we've got that.
11:14Because Mount Fuji is hill, hill.
11:15This is like hill, hill, hill, hill.
11:17Which one is that?
11:18Yeah, that's Mount Fujiyama.
11:22Wouldn't it be wonderful if there was something like that in Cumbrian and no one had noticed?
11:25I don't know, I don't know, I don't know.
11:28Why is this Cumbrian peak, why is it named four times?
11:32Well, many, many are.
11:34Many, many.
11:34Well, it's like the rivers, like River Avon.
11:36Avon is the Celtic word for river, isn't it?
11:38Exactly, but the river Axe, the river Esk, the river Ex, the river Ooze, the river Tine, the river Humba,
11:44all mean river, river.
11:45But the Paraguay river means river, river, river.
11:48Hara, why, river.
11:51Yenisei river is big river, river, river.
11:54Sound like a frog.
11:57Lake Nyasa means lake.
11:59Lake, lake.
12:00Lake, lake, exactly.
12:01As does Lake Dal in India, means lake, lake.
12:03The Sahara Desert means the desert desert.
12:05Desert, desert.
12:06Well, what does Boutros Boutros Ghali mean?
12:08It means pita, pita, expensive.
12:13Here's a wee language thing for you, you might like that.
12:15Pigeon English for a piano.
12:18Is old man in my house, you hit him white teeth, he laugh, you hit him black teeth, he cry.
12:26Really?
12:26They'd be better off learning the word piano.
12:28It would be, yeah.
12:31Anyway, Celtic nations, but especially Caledonia, are rightly praised for their creativity.
12:36So name three Scottish inventions.
12:39Oh, and you're going to say they weren't invented in Scotland.
12:41I don't know, depends what you say.
12:43Well, television is always the one that's sort of playing.
12:46Oh, football.
12:46Oh, well said.
12:47Because John Logan Baird came up with one system.
12:49He came up with one system which wasn't used.
12:52Alexander Graham Bell robbed the telephone.
12:54Quite right.
12:55So certainly not Alexander Graham Bell.
12:56Haggis.
13:00Not even Haggis, you'd sing, wouldn't you?
13:02Haggis was invented in ancient Rome.
13:04Rubber tyres we love.
13:05Oh, rubber tyres you can have.
13:07I'll give you that.
13:07Dunlop.
13:08I'll give you Dunlop.
13:09Yeah.
13:09Yeah.
13:09Just to get through things that weren't.
13:11Kilts were not.
13:12They were Irish.
13:14And the word kilt, it's a Danish word.
13:16Hogmanay is a French word.
13:18Did you know that?
13:19Yeah.
13:19Guida neuf, it's a French word.
13:21Whisky was Italian.
13:23Even before that, probably Chinese.
13:25Yeah.
13:25It's amazing, isn't it?
13:26Have you done anything in this bloody world?
13:28You may wonder.
13:30I will now tell you what they've invented.
13:32Yeah.
13:33Scotch inventions and discoveries include adhesive stamps, the Australian national anthem,
13:37the Bank of England, bicycle pedals, the breech-loading rifle.
13:40You'll notice I'm going in alphabetical order.
13:42Bovril, the cell nucleus, chloroform, the cloud chamber, cornflower, a cure for malaria,
13:47the decimal point, the encyclopedia Britannica, fountain pens, fingerprinting, hypnosis,
13:51hypodermic syringes, insulin, the kaleidoscope, the lawnmower, lime cordial, logarithms, lorries,
13:55marmalade, matches, motor insurance, paraffin, piano pedals, the postmarked pneumatic tyres,
14:00radar, the reflecting telescopes, savings banks, the school propeller, the speedometer,
14:04the steam hammer, raincoats, tarmac, teleprinters, tubular steel, typhoid vaccine, ultrasound scanners,
14:09the United States Navy, universal standard time, vacuum flasks, wave-powered electricity
14:13generations, and wire rope.
14:15All right.
14:18Goodness me, thank you.
14:20Well, you should be, uh, applauding the, um, you should be applauding the inventive Scots.
14:27Yeah, and the population of Scots has never been more than five million, so that's quite an achievement.
14:30It is a shortbread.
14:36Scotch eggs, Scotch pancakes.
14:38Sunday cake.
14:41Scotch tape.
14:41Yes.
14:42But, uh, sitting in doorways, um, singing and crooning in a weirdly inexplicably husky voice
14:51for some reason.
14:51I don't know.
14:52Why do they do that?
14:53What?
14:54Where's that come from, that voice?
14:56Hey, is it?
14:57Hey, hey.
14:58Why are they?
14:59I know you, you gumption.
15:02That's, uh, sorry if it's for some reason what they say to me.
15:08But, no, Alexander Graham Bell, for all that we've rather introduced him,
15:11he did, uh, he was involved in sonar, and he developed a hydrofoil, which traveled at 70 miles an hour
15:18in 1919.
15:19He had a metal detector.
15:20It was used to find the bullet on Garfield, the president, after he'd been shot by an assassin's bullet.
15:25And, unfortunately, it didn't work.
15:27They didn't find the bullet.
15:28He said it was confused by the bed springs.
15:30Um, so, Garfield died.
15:32So, there we are.
15:33Uh, lots and lots of Scottish things.
15:35Now, the word cat derives from the Latin catulus, catulus.
15:39Um, Clive.
15:42That's the angriest looking cat.
15:44That's it.
15:47They wanted you to tell me what the word catulus means.
15:49Well, it means cat.
15:51Um, did they obviously mean something else before that?
15:53Okay.
15:54We took the cat from catulus and described cats with it.
15:57Ah, right.
15:57The Romans didn't call their cats catulus, but...
15:59Yes, it's the right answer.
16:01Catch it as little dog.
16:02It was there in the picture.
16:02It was there.
16:03See what you see now.
16:05See what you see.
16:06I was...
16:07The clues and the picture of that.
16:08Hang on.
16:09Another answer.
16:10Here.
16:11A little one.
16:12What have you done to that cat?
16:13You filthy dog.
16:16The word rabbit's an interesting word, aren't enough, because the...
16:18Oh, right.
16:19Because that comes from the Latin for giraffe.
16:23Well, they all know cat.
16:24It comes from kata, meaning down in Greek, as in all kinds of words, beginning with kata.
16:29So it was described for puppies first, because the little things that hit the ground with the catulus.
16:33And it became a word for a puppy and then for a dog.
16:35And we took the cat bit and called cats with it.
16:38Do you know what cataglottism is?
16:40You get a cat stuck in your throat.
16:42Yeah.
16:44It's a very old word, a much older word than the word you might use for French kissing.
16:48It means to put your tongue down someone's throat.
16:50Literally, put your tongue down.
16:51Kata.
16:52Down.
16:52Glott.
16:53Glottis.
16:54Tongue.
16:54Why is that cat so cross?
16:58It is, isn't it?
17:00Really, really cross.
17:01Something is...
17:03It's stapled to that table to...
17:07Who's been late to pose for that photo?
17:09Yeah.
17:10I said, I'll do a picture with two other cats.
17:13I'm going to get onto my agent, I am not a dog.
17:17I have set my time this week.
17:20I'll do this one more and then I'm going.
17:23It's a wonderful theory because the more you look into its eyes, the crosser it seems to get, doesn't it?
17:27It's just...
17:28Yeah.
17:30Pussy is actually from the ancient Egyptian.
17:32Pasht, meaning cat, or moon, instead.
17:36Why is pussy another word for front-bottom?
17:40I don't know.
17:41It's not my area of expertise.
17:43We've covered Jack before.
17:47This should be on me.
17:49I think that Thor was here the other week and he said there was a bar near where he lived.
17:54And it had two rooms and there's a sign saying liquor in the front, poker in the rear.
18:04Now, interestingly, the sound of the word cat is one of the most ancient and pervasive of all human noises.
18:11Predating Latin and Greek and featuring in hundreds of languages.
18:14How many other vowel sounds does English have?
18:17How many vowels sounds are there in English?
18:2011.
18:20Oh, is that how many of you have worked on?
18:23That'd be good.
18:24Very good.
18:26It's not right.
18:27Well, I would say about 50.
18:30Well, you see, you've done three there. You've never done four.
18:34No, 33 according to the International Phenetic Alphabet.
18:38There's a Vietnamese language.
18:39You may have known it.
18:40You were there recently called Sedang, which has 55, which seems to be the most we can find.
18:44There's one which only has apparently one vowel sound, one language.
18:48It's a Caucasian Russian language.
18:53No, it's called Abbas and Adig, though it makes you wonder how they call it Adig if it's...
18:59Because their only vowel is A.
19:01Hang on, what about the Welsh?
19:03Well, they've got their own Channel 4 there.
19:06Yes.
19:06But I always think they can't have Countdown on that, because...
19:10A lot of consonants and...
19:12I don't know the consonants.
19:13Oh, look, I've got five vowels and consonants.
19:16That's good.
19:17There are several words out of that one.
19:18Not in consonants, 27 consonants and a consonant.
19:22Welsh to keep off the grass.
19:24No.
19:24Welsh to keep off the grass is...
19:28It's a bit literal, isn't it?
19:29With no cross the lawn, it means.
19:30Yes.
19:31It's then a daddy long legs is a jack of bag lie.
19:33Or an ironing board is a board smoothie-o.
19:35Really?
19:38Anyway, that's enough vowel movements.
19:40Fingers on buzzers, please, for another round of general ignorance.
19:43What's the world's longest animal?
19:47Oh!
19:48Is that me?
19:49Yeah.
19:50It'll be the blue whale.
19:52Shh!
19:57I think it's the giant squid.
19:59Not the giant.
19:59Not the giant squid!
20:00Not the giant squid, no.
20:02I...
20:02Giant squid, no, it's not the squid.
20:04I think it's the tapeworm, which lives in whichever is the next longest animal of the world, because
20:10it has to curl around such a lot to be inside, let's say, the blue whale or the giant squid
20:15or a snake. It's an intelligent thought. But that's wrong. It's one of those jellyfish
20:21that's got tentacles that are about 500 yards long. No, your worm is right. You're in the
20:28right family, as it were. Well, take worms aren't really worms, are they? No, it's not
20:31an earthworm, it's a Jupiter worm. It's an aquatic worm. It's called a boot lace worm.
20:36It does look like a boot lace, you must admit. How long? Well, they get... Longer than
20:40a blue whale, my half. The long... Why have you shown it as served on a pizza? I know, it's
20:49an unusual picture of it there. No, it gets up to about 60 metres in length, which is a lot
20:54longer than a blue whale. It's almost twice as long as a blue whale, in fact. The largest
20:59lion's mane is about 40 metres, so it really is enormously long. Charles Darwin became obsessed
21:06with worms, and he decided to dig up his whole garden and count how many worms were in the
21:12garden. Yes. And he got thousands of worms, obviously, and he put them all on his snooker
21:17table, I think, inside and counted them. And then he decided that he didn't know enough
21:22about worms, so he got his son to blow a bassoon at them. And he recorded what the, you know,
21:29how the worms reacted to this bassoon. And vibrations are very important to them, absolutely. This
21:34will interest you, though, actually, I have to say, Alan, they're the simplest organism to
21:38have a separate mouth and anus. I'm sorry, I just, there we are. Anyway, what I want you
21:50to do now is to name a berry. Blackberry, strawberry, raspberry. Oh, that's fantastic! Hold on for a moment,
21:57because we've got a lot of catching up to do. Blackberry, strawberry, raspberry. Isn't
22:02that a banana? Isn't that a banana? Banana? I would give you good points for that. It
22:06is a berry, yeah. And what sort of bizarre definition of the word berry does it mean? That of people
22:10who study fruits, essentially. I mean, I'm afraid we of the speakers of English. I know,
22:14but you know this is QI. Oh, yeah, yeah. Come on. The berry is very good. And it always strikes
22:20me
22:20as an unfair system you operate here. Then don't come and join us ever again, but this is the way
22:24we do things. So bananas are a berry, but strawberries are not a berry. I don't know,
22:27why is a banana a berry? A berry must be a fruit which contains stones, pips, things. It must
22:33be more than one. Is a tomato a berry, then? Tomato is a berry, yeah. What a raspberry and
22:38a loganberry, a blackberry. They're separate little things called droop sacks, rather pleasingly.
22:45And each one contains, I know, I wonder why you were forging ahead of it. Each one, each droop
22:50sack contains one little seed. Yes. So they're a collection of berries? So they are
22:54well, they're not berries, because there's only one in them, you see. So an apple is
22:57a berry, because it's got lots of pips. An apple, yes. But a plum isn't, because it's
23:00only got one seed. But no, there's a berry, an apple is a berry. Tomatoes, oranges, lemons,
23:03grapefruit, watermelons, kiwifruit, cucumbers, grapes. Squirrel shape. Passion fruit,
23:07per plight. Excellent. Pomegranates. A pomegranate is a very good one. I mean, that's
23:15the berry par excellence. Gooseberry. Gooseberry is a berry, yes, I think. So that's the only berry
23:19that has got berry in it. Blueberry actually is a berry as well. Right. But what is a strawberry,
23:24then? Because it's got its seeds on the outside. If it's not a berry, what is it? It is a
23:27kind of droopy thing, I believe, and it sounds weird. It's a droop. It's a droop. Can you
23:32give me some droopy things? It's not a... Strawberry is a mammal, surely?
23:40Anyway, now, back to Bond. Who was the second actor to play James Bond? Sean Connery. He was
23:47the second one because the blockbuster, the man who presents blockbusters is famously the
23:52first person to play James Bond. Then you had the, who was in Casino Royale, it was probably
23:59David Niven, then. Oh, no, oh, no. No. Who's the blockbuster guy because his name's... Ladies
24:07and gentlemen. Bob Holness. Bob Holness. Bob Holness. Oh, they are. No, he was the second
24:13Bob Holness. He played him in 1956. No, he did on radio in South Africa. On radio in South Africa.
24:17Who did it before then? This is the most astonishing. That's the question. It happened in 1954 on television.
24:24CBS. Climax Mystery Theater. It was known as. And it was the production of Casino Royale. And
24:30the first one, he was called Barry Nelson. And he played an American agent called Jimmy Bond,
24:36with Peter Lorre as Le Chiffre, the villain. Anyway, there you are. Now, listen, lastly, from
24:42the very beginning of a famous thing, Bond, to the ending of a rather obscure one. Who can complete
24:49the phrase? According to Buddha, a person should wander lonely as a... You're having a double
24:56bluff with us, and it's cloud. Oh. Oh. Bless you. No, it's not cloud. No, he did. I mean,
25:03it's an almost literal translation. It's wander alone-like, which you could say, wander lonely
25:07as is... Caterpillar. No, but it's an animal, certainly. It's a surprising animal, I might say.
25:11A tabloid journalist. Blue whale. It's a... It's a... It's a sea. It's big, and it's quite
25:17dangerous. Tiger. Elephant. Rhino. Oh, rhino is the right answer. Wander lonely as a
25:22rhinopolis. Well done. That's why I do it. Well, yeah, I'll be. It's not as angry as that
25:27cat, though. No. No. If we had a horn, we'd all be in trouble. Apparently, their non-violent
25:32nature, and their tendency to solitude, makes them an ideal role model for Buddhists. Do they
25:37not chase Buddhists? I mean... I think it's the African rhinos that are real chasers.
25:43Asian rhinos, if they do anything, they bite. They don't charge. My brother was chased by
25:47a crocodile in a circus. It was an island. It was in Londonderry. The man said, he said,
26:05you know, don't worry, it'll be perfectly safe for us. That's a crocodile. I know it
26:08looks big and everything, but it's perfectly safe. And my brother and dad were in the front
26:12row, and this thing was completely dangerous. So my brother nearly died in Londonderry, killed
26:17by a crocodile. Well, as I said, was it part of the show, or had it just gone in to
26:21watch the
26:22service? No. His name was the O'Doyle family. Crocodile, my dear. There we are. Dear, oh dear.
26:30Well, I think like Buddha's rhino, we have come crashing through the tangled bush of unknowing
26:36for long enough to wallow in the muddied waters of the scoreboard now. Well, what an interesting
26:41score it makes, may I say. We've got to go in reverse order. We have a clear winner with
26:46two points, Mark Steele, ladies and gentlemen. Please, congratulations. In second place with
26:54minus 16, John Sessions. In third place with minus 28, Clive Anderson.
27:06But it's possibly a personal record for Alan Davies with minus 84.
27:21Well, that's it for QI for another week. My thanks to Clive, Mark, John and Alan. I leave
27:25you with this cautionary snippet about paying attention. A radio interviewer from GLR Radio
27:31carried away with news of a possible discovery of a cross between an elephant and a woolly mammoth,
27:36asked a paleontologist, so it would be like some sort of hairy gorilla, would it? To which
27:42the paleontologist replied, yes, pretty much, except elephant-shaped and with tusks. Good night.
27:50Thank you very much.
27:51Thank you very much.
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