- 2 hours ago
First broadcast 11th December 1971.
After 25 years Potter has been given the honour of standard bearer for the Fenn Street Old Comrades Association at the annual El Alamein reunion.
Deryck Guyler - Norman Potter
Noel Howlett - Mr. Cromwell
Joan Sanderson - Doris Ewell
Richard Davies - Mr. Price
Erik Chitty - Mr. Smith
Richard Warwick - David Ffitchett-Brown
Barry McCarthy - Terry Stringer
Billy Hamon - Des
Charles Bolton - Godber
Drina Pavlovic - Celia
Rosemary Faith - Daisy
Tim Barrett - Mr. Bell
Joe Gladwin - Chalky
Arthur Lovegrove - Harry
Roger Avon - Bert
Tina Heath - Pupil
Bruce Hodgkins - School pupil
Clive Moss - Steele
Gregory Scott - Mr. Wyatt
After 25 years Potter has been given the honour of standard bearer for the Fenn Street Old Comrades Association at the annual El Alamein reunion.
Deryck Guyler - Norman Potter
Noel Howlett - Mr. Cromwell
Joan Sanderson - Doris Ewell
Richard Davies - Mr. Price
Erik Chitty - Mr. Smith
Richard Warwick - David Ffitchett-Brown
Barry McCarthy - Terry Stringer
Billy Hamon - Des
Charles Bolton - Godber
Drina Pavlovic - Celia
Rosemary Faith - Daisy
Tim Barrett - Mr. Bell
Joe Gladwin - Chalky
Arthur Lovegrove - Harry
Roger Avon - Bert
Tina Heath - Pupil
Bruce Hodgkins - School pupil
Clive Moss - Steele
Gregory Scott - Mr. Wyatt
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:22The Lone Ranger
00:42I can do it again, don't know where, don't know where,
00:56Some sunny day
01:02Chip all got, eh, lads?
01:07Major Comby getting blown out of his thunderbox being 88
01:13Blood poisoning from camel bites
01:17Dysentric
01:20Sunstroke
01:22Scorpions
01:24Oh, yes, happy memories, all of them
01:28Right, thank you very much, Vera, my love
01:31Thank you very much, that was lovely
01:32Well, gents, that's the end of item four
01:35This week's offering from our dear Vera
01:36I think I speak for all of us, you know
01:39And I offer a vote of thanks on behalf of the committee
01:41Hear, hear
01:42And God bless her
01:45Right, now, item five, the most important part of the evening
01:48Good
01:50I was referring to the election of our standard bearer for this year's El Alamein reunion
01:56Now, I am not saying that I
01:59I propose Sid
02:00Seconded
02:01All in favour
02:03Carried
02:03Go on
02:04Now, do that, my job
02:06No, no, listen
02:07Sid did it last year, didn't he?
02:09All right, then I propose Bert
02:11Seconded
02:12All in favour
02:13Carried
02:14Go on
02:15Now, listen, wait a minute, lads
02:16Look, look, this honour is so ignominious
02:18We can't dash over it like that
02:20All right, pothead
02:22Go and get your bag of balls
02:24Right
02:24That's better
02:25Only
02:26Do think about it this year, lads, won't you?
02:28Because, you see, there's one among us here tonight
02:30I mean, no names and no pack drill
02:32Who has never done it?
02:36Have I?
02:41Right
02:41Now, who's going to blackball him this year?
02:44It's your turn
02:45No, it isn't
02:46Yes, it is
02:47What's that?
02:47Clay, what are you saying?
02:49Nothing
02:49Nothing
02:49Oh, right
02:51Now, then, you know the drill, lads
02:53One black ball and one white ball each
02:55All right
02:56Come on, lads, get cracking
02:57Now, the motion before this house is
03:00Do I carry the
03:01Ah, no, sorry, wrong there
03:02Who gets the honour of carrying our banner this year
03:05At the Royal Albert Hall
03:06Now, I want you to search your arts, lads
03:09You see
03:09Because, you see, we've been going now for 25 years, haven't we?
03:13And one of us has never done it
03:14Has he?
03:17Has he?
03:19Yes
03:19Right, now, standing at the top of my list in alphabetical order, of course
03:23I see my name comes out first
03:25What, Dusty Miller comes before you?
03:28Look, put it this way
03:30Who got the agenda?
03:31Roni O'Doff
03:32Oh, all right, then
03:34Right
03:34Now, then, remember, lads
03:36You're voting for me
03:37You see
03:38When you put in the white ball
03:39And, er, not the black balls
03:41You understand?
03:43Now, the motion before the house is
03:44Norman Hesketh Potter
03:45Lance Corporal, retired
03:47Let voting commence
03:48Yes, come on, lads
03:49Yes
03:49Come on, lads
04:01White
04:02Yes
04:04White
04:07White
04:07White
04:09Oh, lookie, could I have a drink, do you think?
04:11Oh, get on with it
04:13Oh, but
04:17White
04:18And
04:20Oh
04:22White
04:23Oh, it's the wrong one
04:25Oh, lads
04:25How can I thank you?
04:27After 25 years, you know what I mean?
04:28The honour of it
04:29Oh, yes, lads, the honour
04:31Oh
04:33Why didn't you put your black ball in?
04:35Because it was your turn
04:37It wasn't
04:38You've lumbered us now
04:41Oh, well
04:44What are you laughing at, Norman?
04:46I'm not laughing much
04:49I'm having a bit of a grizzle
04:51I believe you're in Liverpool, Norman
04:54No, no, no, naturally
04:55You couldn't come in today
04:56Er, Norman
04:58Why are you in Liverpool?
05:00Oh, I am sorry
05:01Please convey my deepest sympathy to your grandfather
05:05Oh, is he
05:06Sad
05:06Well, hurry home, Norman
05:08Hurry home
05:08Adios
05:10Bravo, GPO
05:12Remarkably clear line from Liverpool
05:14Really?
05:15Just as if he were telephoning from his lodge, was it?
05:18Exactly
05:18Oh, I say, Doris
05:19You will look after the boilers, won't you, during Potter's absence?
05:22Yes, of course
05:23I'll dig his garden for him as well
05:26Now, that's a very sweet thought
05:28Well, before I slip into my dungarees
05:31Will you see this gentleman who's waiting for you?
05:33Avec plaisir, mademoiselle
05:36The headmaster will see you now
05:43Good morning, headmaster
05:45My name is Belle
05:45Ah, yes, of course
05:46Now, sit down, will you?
05:48And, um, remember
05:50The mistake we make today
05:51Is the lesson we learn tomorrow
05:54Is there any particular reason why I should always remember that?
05:57Oh, yes, because of little Ding Dong Dell
05:59Mind you, I don't condone his biting Miss Blakeslee on the leg, of course
06:02Who is little Ding Dong Dell?
06:04Ah, that's the name we give to your son
06:06But I have a daughter
06:07Oh, no, I'm sure it wasn't a little girl
06:10Headmaster, I am not a parent
06:11But you must be
06:12You said you had a daughter
06:13Of a child in this school
06:15Oh, oh, I see
06:17Silly old Morris
06:18Quite
06:19Look, actually, I came here to see your Mr. Potter
06:22Ah, you're a friend of his
06:24I knew him a long time ago in the army
06:26Ah, yes, yes
06:27He, um, went, you know
06:29You mean he's dead?
06:30Oh, no, no, no, no, no
06:31He went, um, over there, you know
06:33But of course you know
06:35Perhaps you took, um, part in his heroic exploits
06:38I knew him in the army
06:40Might I see him?
06:41Oh, yes, of course
06:42But he's not here
06:43He's in Liverpool for the day
06:45Blast, and I'm going to Scotland
06:46You'll miss him, then
06:48No, no, I shan't do that
06:50I shall be back here on Thursday
06:51You might tell Potter
06:53That I have no intention of returning to Kenya
06:55Without seeing him
06:56Yes, I will, I will
06:58Ah, the camaraderie of the arms
07:01I knew him in the army
07:03Oh, I think it's an admirable decision, David
07:09The challenge of teaching the children of the Empire
07:12Must be tremendous
07:14Nyasa land, you say
07:16Ah, well, they call it Malawi now, actually, Osborne
07:18I prefer to call it Nyasa land
07:21Aye, long live Baden Powell
07:23Well, good luck to you, boyo
07:24The carnibals out there can't be worse than the ones in Fen Street
07:27Oh, it's my turn for the top of the milk, I think
07:29Yes, I've only one regret about going, actually
07:32What's that, David?
07:33Leaving you behind, you minx
07:35Oh!
07:36Minx, thank you
07:37Morning, good morning, good morning
07:38You sure?
07:40Thank you, Potter
07:40A lot
07:42Potter, I do wish you'd stick these envelopes down properly
07:44After you've steamed them open
07:47Well, I always stick them down properly after I've...
07:49Oh!
07:50Ha-ha, monsieur
07:50You're the starf as the braids, aren't you?
07:53One of these days, you're going to cut yourself
07:55You're rather jocund the day after a funeral, aren't you, Potter?
07:59Eh?
08:00Who's?
08:00Your poor old granny in Liverpool
08:03Oh!
08:03Ha-ha, yes
08:04Ah, well, now she got better, you say
08:05Saving her for next year, are you?
08:08Yes, monsieur
08:09She's an old lady
08:10Aye, looking at you, about 187, I should think
08:14Today, Mr. Price
08:15I'm in previous to your barbs, you know
08:17Because Dame Lady Fortune
08:18The Spunner Wheel
08:20Unstopped at my name
08:21Say
08:28She has, you know
08:29Oh, my word, yes
08:36I wonder what Potter meant
08:38I'll tell you
08:41Don't you know
08:41That I've been chosen by the old of the lads in my drill-all
08:44To carry the banner
08:44I thought that was Sister Anna's job
08:47At the El Alamein reunion
08:49Oh, it's the proudest moment in my life, you know
08:51Oh, my medals will blind people when the sun shines on them
08:54I have white gloves, you know, monsieur
08:55And a little pouch for my flag, you see
08:57Oh, I shall look lovely
08:59Well, when you've quite finished eulogising, Potter
09:02Perhaps you'll get on with your work
09:03Oh, I've no time for fripperies, monsieur
09:05I've got to go and blanco my pouch
09:07Really, Potter
09:08You're supposed to be a schoolkeeper
09:10Not a house-proud kangaroo
09:13Morning, everybody
09:14Oh, morning, Mr. Potter
09:16Potter's granny
09:17One
09:17Two
09:18Er
09:20Eight
09:23I'm sorry about this, sir
09:24But she got better
09:26Excellent, excellent
09:27Well, perhaps he'll come in for Christmas decorations or something
09:31Yes, sir
09:31You know, only a man with a mind like yours, sir
09:34Could think of something like that, sir
09:37Incredible, sir
09:38Quite incredible
09:51Norman, I've got something to tell you
09:52Oh, yes, I do
09:53A gentleman was here yesterday looking for you
09:55Er, oh, it wasn't Monty, sir, was it?
09:57Because he may have heard about me carrying the standard, you see
10:00On the old boy network, you know
10:02No, I don't think it was Monty
10:03He said his name was Bell
10:05Bell
10:05Bell, Bell
10:06No, I'm afraid that doesn't ring a bell, headmaster
10:08Oh, sorry, sir
10:09No, no, no, no
10:10Never fight down a good pun
10:12Oh
10:12He said he was a comrade of yours during the war
10:15Oh, well, that's the trouble you see, sir
10:17I had so many friends, you know
10:18Never mind
10:18He'll come again on Thursday
10:20Thank you, sir
10:21Thursday, yes, yes
10:22Bell
10:23Bell
10:25Oh, no
10:27Hell's bells
10:30That bell
10:44Bell
11:04And here we have Niasa lands, no, Malawi, where Mr. Fitchett Brown will shortly be teaching.
11:11Yeah, and I've just writ his first number.
11:14Writ his first number?
11:15Yeah.
11:16This moon's gone doing called Morphe Divy.
11:19Has this great big granddaddy...
11:21No.
11:22Well, soul of a diva, my big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big,
11:26well, soul of a diva, my big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big,
11:32seize this hideous cacophony!
11:34He wasn't cacophony, he was singing!
11:37Singing? You've got all that singing?
11:39Oh, Heddle Nash will have a seizure.
11:42Yeah, I've heard of him.
11:44Oh, go on.
11:46Plays for the Morgan, doesn't he?
11:47Here, Gary Sobers at six sixes off him in one over.
11:50Oh, I know him.
11:51The English tenor, child, from the days when music was music.
11:56The Laila Domino, Floradora, the Arcadians.
12:00Yeah, we know some hell's angels called the Arcadians, didn't we, Terry?
12:04Yeah, I got that in the amusement arcade.
12:06Oh, that's what I call the Arcadians.
12:08I think we'd better get back to Africa.
12:11Wow!
12:12Oh, be quiet!
12:13Can't we go India?
12:14Oh, no, my Uncle Ram goes on about that every Sunday.
12:18Ram?
12:19Oh, isn't that a lovely name?
12:20Is he a prince, Celia?
12:22No.
12:23He's a postman.
12:25Will you stop this incessant chatter?
12:28Now, then.
12:28Now, yes, sir, lad.
12:30No.
12:31Malawi.
12:32Oh, dear.
12:33Where's all of us, Mr. Mott?
12:35I've been very busy.
12:36Bah!
12:37Oh, that.
12:38You may go.
12:40Yeah.
12:42I say, Smudger.
12:44Mr. Smith.
12:45Mr. Smith.
12:46No, Mr. Smith, I've got to tell somebody.
12:49I'll go Doodle Alley if I don't see him.
12:50Oh, what is it, Barter?
12:51You look as if you'd seen a ghost.
12:53Well, no, it's more of a skeleton in my cupboard, really, you see.
12:55Well, now, you see, it's that Mr. Bell who's coming on Thursday.
12:59Now, he used to be my platoon commander during the war, you see.
13:02And he was there.
13:04He was there when it happened.
13:05Well, what happened?
13:07Well, look, I've never told anyone this for small, Mr. Smith, but I'll tell you.
13:10Now, just before Allemayen it was, you see, now, we'd moved up and we were waiting.
13:16What is it Shakespeare says?
13:17Like whippets in the slips.
13:22Are you all right, Norm?
13:24Well, I'm worried about yourself, but.
13:27Why, you know, I mean, it's Monday, you see.
13:31I mean, he's got his tactics all wrong, hasn't he?
13:33What, sending us in first, you mean?
13:35Exactly, yeah.
13:36I mean, I like going in behind the tanks, because they're big, aren't they?
13:39You know what I mean?
13:40All right, chaps, experience.
13:43Potter?
13:44Oh, what's your game?
13:46Hey, oh, well, it's Monty, sir.
13:48See, see what I mean?
13:49I mean, he's got his tactics wrong, hasn't he?
13:51I'll tell you what, I'll admit back to his caravan, have a word with him.
13:54Your bayonet, Potter.
13:56Oh, well, I'll put it on before I admit back.
13:58You're not sniffing.
14:01All right, lads.
14:03Scared?
14:04No, no, sir.
14:05Well, I'm not.
14:07It's quite natural, you're scared, lads.
14:09Nothing to be ashamed of.
14:10But don't forget, Jerry is twice as scared as we are.
14:13All right, then.
14:14On your feet.
14:16A bad hour starts in 20 seconds, then we go in.
14:19Make sure your watch is right, sir.
14:23No, no, I'm just right.
14:23You know, I mean, if you could just hold things up for a couple of hours, you know, I mean,
14:26give me a chance to get over this bout of fever, I imagine.
14:28In your blasted place, Potter.
14:30Well, I'm coming here.
14:31I mean, I didn't say I wasn't coming, did I?
14:33I mean, even if I do have fever and can hardly walk or see or hear anything.
14:37Oh, goodness.
14:38Potter, they're hours, you fool.
14:42I think I've hurt me leg now, sir.
14:46All right, lads.
14:47This is the big one.
14:48Good luck.
15:16I'll be with you in a moment, sir.
15:18I've just got the lighter.
15:19Come back here, you coward.
15:23Here.
15:24You've just hit my jainette.
15:27Shoot for this, Potter.
15:29I'll get you.
15:31And why didn't he get you?
15:33Well, he was taken prisoner, you see, and I haven't seen him from that day to this.
15:36Now, what am I going to do, Mr. Smith?
15:37I mean, when Mr. Bell blows the gaff, you see, that's the end of me.
15:41I mean, I'll be ostracized, won't I?
15:42I mean, they won't even let me in the reunion, let alone carry the banner.
15:45Now, what do you think, Mr. Smith?
15:47I think such vile cowardice is a disgrace to the British Army and Empire.
15:51Out of my sight, man, before I give you a white feather.
15:56Oh, I see.
15:58Excuse me.
16:02No.
16:03No, wait, I...
16:04Oh.
16:07Hello, Osborne, the old biscuit.
16:08You coming to dunk yourself in a cup of tea?
16:09David, I am a living lie.
16:12Well, you're 32 and you haven't told us.
16:16What right have I to criticize the children's conduct when I've just behaved like a skinhead of the first water?
16:22Do you want to tell me about it?
16:24Yes.
16:25Yes, I value your opinion, David, as an ex-officer and a gentleman.
16:29It's Potter, you see.
16:34Dear Chalky Antlots, I have to tell you that I'm unable to be the standard bearer on Friday night.
16:48Oh, it's no good, Vina, my love.
16:50I've no right to play you.
16:53Oh, dear.
16:56The truth must be told.
16:59And this is it.
17:01I have to go to my granny's funeral in...
17:08Oh, Monty, what am I going to write?
17:12Eh?
17:12What am I going to say?
17:14Oh, here, wait a minute.
17:15Winston.
17:16Winston was good at words.
17:17Ask him to tell me what to say, will you?
17:19Eh?
17:21Dear Chalky Antlots,
17:24next time you see me,
17:26I won't be here
17:28because
17:30I have been a cow...
17:34a cow...
17:37a cowboy.
17:42Monty,
17:43I can't write the word down, you know.
17:46Hello, Norman.
17:48Oh, it's you, sir.
17:50Yes.
17:51Oh, well, you haven't been here before, sir, have you?
17:52No, well, usually, of course, it's very lovely in here, you know, sir,
17:56but tonight, of course, you see it's...
17:57And, Norman, I know.
17:59Mr Smith told me.
18:01Oh, I see, sir.
18:02Well, have you come here as an officer to unfrock me?
18:05Well, what do they do in the Gordons, then?
18:07They'd tear your sparring off.
18:08Look, sit down.
18:11Look, have a snort, eh?
18:13You don't want a coward's lips on your flask, sir.
18:15God, that'd be stupid.
18:17Oh, well, thanks very much, sir.
18:18Cheerio.
18:18Cheers.
18:20Well, er, what are you going to do, Norman?
18:22Oh, well, you know, run away.
18:25Should probably ink out my remaining years in some remote corner of the world.
18:30Jersey or something like that.
18:32Wouldn't it be better, Norman, than to come in tomorrow and just face up to Bill?
18:35Yes, but look, he's going to expose me, sir, isn't he?
18:38Oh, what if he does?
18:39At least if you face up to him, they can't say you're a coward to the end, can they?
18:43Well, you think about it, Norman.
18:45Yeah.
18:45It's your decision.
18:46Thank you, sir.
18:50Oh, look, Monty, we were friends, weren't we?
18:53You know, I mean, you did run over me in your jeep.
18:57Look, what do you think?
19:01Oh, that...
19:02Well, God, heaven, this is 29 years afterwards.
19:06In the meantime, the man's built a new life for himself.
19:09Raking the past over like this, Mr Bell, you could destroy him.
19:11Is that really what you want?
19:13This really is most embarrassing, Mr Bell.
19:16Potter is nowhere to be found.
19:17Perhaps he's looking for his lighter.
19:19Oh, no, no, no, no, Norman would never lose the opportunity of meeting an old army chump
19:22for anything so trivial as a lighter.
19:24Perhaps Granny's had a relapse.
19:26Oh, that doesn't happen till next year.
19:28Very well, I shall tell you all why I came.
19:30You see...
19:31I'm afraid I can't find super squeegee anywhere.
19:34Mind you, Terry Stringer was threatening to incinerate him.
19:37Oh, David, you haven't seen a pile of ashes that looked like Potter, have you?
19:40Uh, no, not yet.
19:41Well, then we shall have to be the cleft stick to convey the message to him.
19:44Now, do continue.
19:46Very well.
19:47It was just before LLMA.
19:49Lieutenant Bell, sir.
19:51Lance Corporal Potter reporting, sir.
19:53Will you lead or shall I, sir?
19:55Hello.
19:55They're going to do the military two-step.
19:58Excuse him, sir.
19:59Welsh.
20:00Need I say more?
20:01Hello, Potter.
20:02You haven't changed much.
20:04Thank you very much, sir.
20:05But I don't think this is the time or the place, sir, for affectionate words like that, sir.
20:10I have come here to make a clean breast of what happened between this gentleman and myself 29 years ago.
20:16What do they do, have an affair?
20:18Mr. Patz?
20:19You really mean that, don't you, Potter?
20:22As sure as I felt the welt of Monty's tyre tracks across my forehead.
20:26I shall tell everyone what you're feeling guilty about.
20:29You never did send me a copy of that photograph, did you?
20:32My dear chap.
20:34Well, you see, sir.
20:36Photograph?
20:37Well, yes, when the platoon was on leaving Cardo.
20:40You know the one.
20:41Banger King was pouring arach down the belly dancers' pantaloons.
20:46Yes, and then we all...
20:48That photograph, sir?
20:50But, sir, is that all?
20:53Is that all you want, sir?
20:54I can't think of anything else after all this time.
20:57Can you?
20:59No, sir.
21:00Thank you, sir.
21:02Very gentleman.
21:03This atmosphere is pregnant with English understatement.
21:07Back to that banner, Mr. Boyle, you will understand.
21:09There are some things in the army worth remembering, and some that aren't.
21:12Yes, like El Alame.
21:14Well, I shall be there.
21:15Wouldn't miss it for the world.
21:16And what about you, Potter?
21:18Oh, yes.
21:19Of course, well, everything's all right now, isn't it?
21:21You see?
21:22See what I mean?
21:23I mean me reunion, me banner, all the ignominy of it all.
21:27And it will be, too, if he snaps the top of his banner off on a tube-train door.
21:31Mr. Price, desert rats, do not descend with the use of public transport.
21:36Me and the lads will be marching to the alberdorf, making a spectacle of ourselves in the street.
21:42Mm-hmm.
21:51Oh, my God.
22:24Good luck, Nolan.
24:34I've waited 25 years, and now this is my moment.
24:40Oops, sorry.
Comments