- 1 week ago
First broadcast 18th September 1971.
It's the first day of the new term without 5C and Mr Hedges is suffering from empty nest syndrome.
John Alderton - Bernard Hedges
Deryck Guyler - Norman Potter
Noel Howlett - Mr. Cromwell
Joan Sanderson - Doris Ewell
Erik Chitty - Mr. Smith
Richard Davies - Mr. Price
Liz Gebhardt - Maureen Bullock
Jill Kerman - Penny Hedges
Kate Williams - Mrs. Davis
Kevin Moody - Gerald Davis
Barry Stokes - PC Riordan
Kenneth Thornett - Sergeant (as Keneth Thornett)
Edward Brooks - CID man
Brinsley Forde - Herman
David Howe - Colin Lovelace
Tina Heath - Pupil
Bruce Hodgkins - School pupil
It's the first day of the new term without 5C and Mr Hedges is suffering from empty nest syndrome.
John Alderton - Bernard Hedges
Deryck Guyler - Norman Potter
Noel Howlett - Mr. Cromwell
Joan Sanderson - Doris Ewell
Erik Chitty - Mr. Smith
Richard Davies - Mr. Price
Liz Gebhardt - Maureen Bullock
Jill Kerman - Penny Hedges
Kate Williams - Mrs. Davis
Kevin Moody - Gerald Davis
Barry Stokes - PC Riordan
Kenneth Thornett - Sergeant (as Keneth Thornett)
Edward Brooks - CID man
Brinsley Forde - Herman
David Howe - Colin Lovelace
Tina Heath - Pupil
Bruce Hodgkins - School pupil
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:22The Lone Ranger
00:42Penny!
00:46Penny!
00:55Elizabeth.
00:58Come on.
00:59Come on!
00:59Come on, Benny.
00:59Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, Liz.
01:10Stephen, Stephen, don't, Stephen, don't.
01:18Oh, do, Stephen.
01:26Ellie.
01:28Morning.
01:29Morning.
01:32Darling, um...
01:33Who we, uh, who, who is, who is, uh, who, Stephen?
01:36Who is Elizabeth?
01:38Elizabeth?
01:41Who is Elizabeth?
01:44Well, um, she, uh, Elizabeth was, um, uh, was, in fact, um,
01:50a pet duck I used to have.
01:52Do you really expect me to believe that?
01:54Yes, yes, I do.
01:56Yes, yes, now, now, now listen to me, Penny.
01:59Uh, marriage, uh, should be, and I speak here as a married man.
02:02You wouldn't be in this bed if you weren't, mate.
02:04Yes, yes.
02:06Uh, marriage should be based on complete mutual trust.
02:10Right?
02:10Right.
02:11Now then, do you believe me when I tell you that, uh,
02:15Elizabeth was, in fact, a duck?
02:17I'm sorry, darling, of course I do.
02:21Right.
02:22Ha, good, good.
02:31Uh, by the way, do I?
02:34Who?
02:35Um, who, who, who was, Stephen?
02:39A tadpole.
02:48Tadpole.
02:49Hmm.
02:50Oh, Bernard, you do believe me, don't you, darling?
02:53Yes, yes.
02:55Oh, right.
02:56Well, shall we get up early, or, er, or not?
03:02Hmm.
03:03Or not, I should think.
03:08Oh, please.
03:09Listen, go and tell them we're not in.
03:26Bernard, we've got a visitor.
03:27Oh.
03:28Hello, I just...
03:29Oh, sorry.
03:31I didn't realise this was your bedroom.
03:33All right, we're quite decent, yes.
03:35Yes, quite decent.
03:36I don't know if you remember me, Mr and Mrs Hedges,
03:39but my name is Maureen Bullock.
03:42Well, of course I remember you, Maureen.
03:44You only left school a few weeks ago.
03:45Yes, I know.
03:46I just wondered whether experiencing true adulthood
03:49might have brought about a facial change in my face or anything.
03:52Er, no, Maureen, you're, you're still as pretty as ever.
03:57Excuse me.
03:58Yes.
04:02Er.
04:05How are you getting on as a nursing cadet, Maureen?
04:10I haven't actually entered the profession for another two weeks yet.
04:12Yes.
04:13Well, I know it's the start of a new term,
04:15so I just popped in.
04:21Right.
04:23Wish you all the best from all of us.
04:25Yes.
04:26You know, you're all four.
04:29Five sea, eh?
04:31Good old five sea.
04:34Coffee, anyone?
04:35Old five sea, eh?
04:39Coffee, anyone?
04:40Oh, no, thank you.
04:41See, when you become an adult,
04:42there's an awful lot of paperwork involved.
04:44Cards from a labour exchange, that sort of thing.
04:46I'd better dash.
04:47Well, it was very good of you
04:49to come and see your old teacher, Maureen.
04:51Of course, he's bedridden now, you know.
04:53No, he's not.
04:54No.
04:56Oh, well, goodbye for now, Mr...
04:59Sir...
05:01Bernard.
05:01Bernard, right.
05:02Bye.
05:04Good.
05:05Good.
05:06Good.
05:14Would you like your breakfast now?
05:15Yes, I think, sir.
05:17Er, darling.
05:19Oh, it's not about five sea, is it?
05:21No, it's about Stephen, actually.
05:24Oh, yeah?
05:27He was a bit passionate for a tadpole, wasn't he?
05:33Come on, Gerald, don't create your life at your new school.
05:36Oh, well, anyway, I can't go, it's burnt down.
05:38It's all time I drop out if you keep telling lies.
05:41Now, be a good boy.
05:41You can have them skinhead boots you wanted.
05:44Oh, she'll give you such a boat round there in a minute.
05:46Er, excuse me, madam.
05:48You come about that cocktail cabinet, have you?
05:50Pardon?
05:51No, oh, no, no, I'm a teacher.
05:53I couldn't help overhearing your little, um, discussion.
05:58I thought he'd want to go to his secondary school.
06:00Yes, well, you just leave him to me.
06:02I've had quite a few years, experience, quite a lot,
06:05quite a lot of experience at this sort of thing, you know.
06:08You hear that?
06:09He's experienced.
06:12Turn on, Gerald.
06:15Right, Gerald, off we go, then.
06:24Go on then, Gerald, off we go.
06:28Yes, right.
06:29Off, Gerald.
06:30Gerald, secondary school boys do not go limp.
06:33come on well we'll have to make some different arrangement it simply didn't
06:39work last term oh what sort of arrangement well it's a very important
06:42well get out of the way potter there's a good deal of work to be done on the
06:45first day of term no monsieur I know I'm being a little imp but nobody gets into
06:49that staff room before my headmaster arrives why what's he gonna do then shut
06:53open says a me no I wouldn't open that door even if you all ganged up together
06:58and tickled me to death I can't think of anything less likely
07:01good morning guten morgan bonjour now bonjour
07:07bonest ds it's who that
07:13oh thank you no well open sesame oh bloody hell
07:22just a moment please now you're all assembled by your commanding officer now in you go
07:27and be prepared to gasp at the drastic change that I have wrought throughout the school holidays
07:41inside these
07:41well what do you think
07:42well it's the same dusty rat bug of a hole that it's always been
07:46no no I see what potter's done you're all right with me smudger you know that eh
07:52mr. smith and I fail to see that a cigarette packet under the wonky leg of a table justifies
07:58that's last term's innuendo oh yes I remember gasping at the time
08:04I've noticed Norman I know you have sir what is it then
08:08well go along sir you tell them you tell them no Norman no it's your lovely surprise the honor is
08:13yours
08:14sir if you were only three feet six inches high you'd still be the greatest man in the world to
08:18me sir
08:20well how you can have failed to have missed that I do not know it's just a bit of plastic
08:25real plastic
08:26oh bought it Woolworths out of my own pocket for 13 new pence
08:30over 10 shillings in real money
08:31well what's it for
08:35it's to atomize your water monsieur
08:39not for all this excitement I think we better have a cup of atomized tea
08:43if you don't appreciate modernization you're not going to get the benefit of it
08:47yeah come along with me sir this sir is going on your own personal tap sir
08:55oh no okay where is my own personal tap
09:01in my broom cupboard
09:05so much for Groucho and Chico
09:08all we need now is Harpo Hedges and the Marx Brothers live again
09:11that's hardly fair price
09:13oh well all right in the three stooges
09:14no no no no no I meant including young Hedges in with that end of the peer duo
09:19quite right Mr. Smith I think last term proved that
09:22Bernard has become a very sensible and mature young man
09:25good morning
09:26good morning
09:31sorry about that
09:32new boy just trying to make him feel at home
09:35it's a gift you know the way Hedges gets on with the kids
09:40oh that is the gift
09:42now Mr. Hedges I don't quite understand
09:45well it's his first day at secondary school
09:46he's sure his mother couldn't bring him so I thought I'd make sure he got here
09:49you see Mr. Price
09:51sensible and mature
09:52now what's the boy's name
09:54uh Davis
09:54Gerald Davis
09:55Davis Davis Davis
09:56I don't seem to have him on my list
09:59why no name on the Fenn school list Davis
10:02I was supposed to be going to Weaver Street
10:05we were we were we were six school
10:07yes
10:08yes
10:15we were six school
10:17all right
10:19all right
10:20off you go
10:45I took him at his face value see he said he was a school teacher so I let him
10:50horse off with my Gerald
10:51try not to worry Mrs. Davis
10:53at least we found out about it early
10:55that was providential
10:57if I hadn't phoned up that school to say he'd forgotten his dinner money I wouldn't have known
11:01he hadn't turned up
11:02sit down
11:05now Mrs. Davis
11:07this is an identikit picture of the man you described to us
11:10I want you to examine it and say whether it's accurate
11:16that's him all right
11:18bloody beast
11:19if I had my way people like him would be seen to like cats
11:26oh I don't know
11:27number of nutters walking about
11:29frightening isn't it
11:30yeah
11:31him for example
11:32morning Mr. Potter
11:48well aren't you going to leap over the counter and club me sensors
11:51don't answer that Reardon
11:53well what is it this time then
11:54does it not occur to you
11:56that I might be an alpha tartare gorilla in disguise
12:00frankly no
12:01I suppose I was to tell you that I had glass eyes
12:03a false mustache and a rubber nose eh
12:05I'd say it might be an improvement
12:08look what is all this
12:10security sergeant
12:11security you see
12:12trust no one
12:12not even though there is decent and nice look in his eye
12:15you see
12:16now have you learned something love
12:18have I learned something
12:19yes you've learned something
12:20I have learned something
12:21now here's a little bit of test for you
12:24I'm a lunatic
12:25right
12:25agreed
12:27now take all these documents
12:29tear them up
12:30and eat them
12:30now
12:30how do you get out of that
12:32what do you want
12:34all right
12:34I've come to check if you're sending someone down to the school tomorrow
12:37for the
12:37for the lecture
12:39yes we are
12:40goodbye
12:41oh
12:42all right
12:42I'm going
12:44can't help anybody these days
12:46can you
12:46sorry
12:50ooh
12:53that's my aunt that
12:54and that's the date
12:59yesterday's actually
13:02I'm going to hate myself for this
13:03Mr. Potter
13:04yeah
13:05there is something you may be able to do to help us
13:07you being local
13:08hey
13:08right
13:09what is it
13:09treason
13:10murder
13:10arson
13:10television license
13:11you just tell me
13:12I'm sorry
13:12get out
13:14we're looking for this man
13:16if you see him around
13:16let us know
13:17it's very serious
13:18right
13:20well they're right
13:21I know him
13:22I can definitely leave the stage you know
13:24without any fear of argument
13:26I know this man
13:27who is he
13:28who is he
13:29that's just the point sergeant
13:32I just
13:33can't quite place him
14:02that's just the point
14:03that's just the point
14:03that's just the point
14:04that's just the point
14:04that's just the point
14:07Well, I got him back to school, all right.
14:10Didn't realise Weaver Street was so far away.
14:13Yes, two periods away, actually.
14:15Yes, yes, yes.
14:33Mr. Hedges, shall we stop playing with our pipes
14:36and get straight down to it?
14:41Now, you have 4C, this term.
14:464C.
14:49I see.
14:51Well, it's not the same, is it?
14:53Oh, I'm sorry, but it doesn't have the same...
14:56I mean, it was 5C before.
15:01I'm sorry.
15:03I'll be all right.
15:06Give me a minute.
15:10His first fledglings have spread their wings and flown away.
15:14It's the empty nest syndrome, monsieur.
15:17Ah, yes.
15:18And when one's left alone on the nest, it can be a very empty feeling.
15:26She used to pop up and spin round on one leg, you know.
15:31No, no, no, the little ballerina in the musical box that the boys at Worthing gave me at the end
15:37of my first year.
15:385C bought me this watch, you know.
15:40I received nothing from my first gas.
15:43Oh, Doris.
15:44Never mind.
15:47Even though they were very special to me, I was never able to communicate that I was really very fond
15:52of them.
15:53Yes.
15:53I've always had that difficulty.
15:55Even now, sometimes, with Mr. Sibley, I can...
15:58Come, come, Mr. Hedges, this won't you?
16:01Right, monsieur.
16:02As I said to Perry this morning, I really must attack teaching on a broad front like you have.
16:08Quite.
16:15Now, you remember this, young Michael Herman?
16:18I am not one of these masters who can be sidetracked by talking about rugby.
16:21Do you understand?
16:22Yes, sir.
16:23Very well.
16:24What does he know about bloody rugby?
16:27It was a try, I tell you, it was.
16:33Trouble in the valleys, right?
16:35Aye.
16:36What do they like?
16:37They're kids, that's what they like.
16:38Horrible.
16:39Yes, sir.
16:40Not a bit like 5C, are they?
16:41What, you give them time, boy, give them time.
16:43Well, give me the lowdown, then.
16:45What?
16:45Well, you've got a couple of pellet flickers, six fidgets, a Norse picker in the third row, and a trouser
16:49wetter.
16:52So keep the trouser wetter away from the radiator.
17:03Good morning, fives at four.
17:044C, 4C, yes.
17:06Morning.
17:07Right, right, right, right.
17:08Yes.
17:10Now then, my name is Mr. Hedges, and I am to be your new foremaster.
17:17Right?
17:18And I have the reputation of being something of a tartar.
17:24Right?
17:25Good.
17:27Now then, stand.
17:28Sit.
17:29Clamp.
17:29Sit.
17:29Stand.
17:30Right.
17:30Right.
17:33Good.
17:34Now then.
17:35I heard that.
17:37I've got very sharp ears, you know.
17:40Good.
17:41Right.
17:42Right.
17:43Yes.
17:44Yes, I think you know where you stand with me now.
17:45Please, sir.
17:46Oh, yes.
17:47Sorry, sorry.
17:48Yes.
17:48Name?
17:49Lovelace.
17:49Lovelace.
17:50Good.
17:51All right, Lovelace.
17:52What is it?
17:53Please, sir.
17:54We'll be able to take exams and get certificates.
17:58Good Lord.
17:59Yes, indeed.
18:00Lovelace.
18:01Very good.
18:02Yes, I like that.
18:03Thinking ahead.
18:04Well, my dad says you have to, sir.
18:05Yes.
18:05You've got to make something of yourself.
18:07Right.
18:07Besides, he doesn't want me turning out like Eric Duffy who lives along the balcony from us.
18:14What's wrong with Eric Duffy, lovelace?
18:16He's a long-haired job, isn't he, sir?
18:20How dare you?
18:22Listen to me, all of you.
18:23There was another side to Duffy.
18:26Oh, yes.
18:27Yes, I could see it in him.
18:29I've got something in my desk, lovelace, which I think might straighten you out.
18:39This was an essay written by Eric Duffy.
18:42Lovelace.
18:44Lovelace.
18:48Oh, I'm so worried about poor little Lovelock.
18:51If we can't find him, what will happen to me?
18:54You might consider how his parents are feeling.
18:57He didn't go home to lunch.
18:58Well, he hasn't flushed himself down the bogs.
19:00I looked.
19:01Yes.
19:02I...
19:02Well, I'm not responsible.
19:04I think we'd all agree with that, Edmund.
19:07Has anybody found him yet?
19:09No.
19:09One's beginning to think he's left the school premises.
19:11Well, I'll tell you what I'll do.
19:12I will supply you with an itinerary.
19:14Right.
19:14You will go to the police station and you will take their advice.
19:17You will then return here to me...
19:19Yes.
19:19...and receive a pithy lecture on how not to present yourself to a new class.
19:24Pithy.
19:24Right.
19:25No, Price, will you stand in for me?
19:26No, I will not stand in for you.
19:28Yes, you will.
19:30I hope the elastic breaks and they fall down in a set.
19:41Come here, you.
19:43Right.
19:44Right.
19:45What's your name, then?
19:47Herman.
19:47What?
19:48Herman.
19:49I might have known.
19:51That's a jury name, then, isn't it?
19:53Now, listen, girl.
19:55If I ever catch you...
19:57Remember, son, that your headmaster is the nicest genius in the world.
20:02Now, remember that, son.
20:03Off you go.
20:05Oh, sir, I didn't know you, sir.
20:07Norman, you honour me with your praise.
20:10But what if I were ever to fall off my pedestal?
20:14Look, son, if you ever had a couple, sir, and you took a tumble off your toilet, you would
20:20still be the greatest man of the world to be, sir.
20:23That's not quite what I meant, Norman, but I appreciate the sentiment.
20:26Oh, sir, have you seen Mr. Hedges, sir?
20:28I want to give him my do's and don'ts performer for the new term, sir.
20:31Oh, no, he's not here.
20:31He's with the police.
20:33Police.
20:39I knew I'd seen him somewhere.
20:42And I was chief usher at his wedding.
20:45God!
20:53Afternoon.
20:54Afternoon, sir.
20:54Yes.
20:55I wonder if you could possibly help me.
20:57Yes, I'll give you a moment, sir.
20:58Right, right.
21:07Er, excuse me, am I with her?
21:09Yes, yes, right, right.
21:38Upside down.
21:39It's the ID room.
21:41Here, get the inspector up here, will you?
21:42Well, find him.
21:44It's that kid fancier we're looking for.
21:47Here, I'll keep him talking.
21:50Now, then.
21:52Yes.
21:53Um, I'm looking for a boy.
21:56Er, get the gentleman a cup of tea, Raiden, will you?
22:01Er, would this boy's name be Gerald Davis, by any chance, sir?
22:04You've heard of that little blighter, have you?
22:05No, no, no, no, no, no, this is another one.
22:08Here, give him his tea or so, help me I'll lose my pension.
22:16Tea.
22:19Two lumps, please.
22:32A bit of a strained atmosphere in here, isn't it?
22:36Is he all right?
22:38Him?
22:38Look, he's married with kids.
22:41Is he really good?
22:42Yes.
22:42Yes, I'm married, you know.
22:44Blimey.
22:45No, no, it's lovely.
22:47You know about this kiddie?
22:49Ah, yes, yes.
22:50Er, his name is Lovelace.
22:51Now, I think, I think I frightened him by talking about another boy.
22:55One of my last bunch.
22:56All boys?
22:57No, no, no, no, girls as well.
23:00You talk to him, I'll kill him, I can't talk to him.
23:03People like you ought to have brain operations.
23:05I beg your pardon?
23:07I resent that remark very much indeed.
23:10Excuse me, did you hear what he just said?
23:12No.
23:13Interview room, move!
23:19Er, I'm here, Mr. Sorry.
23:20What's that?
23:21I...
23:21Oh.
23:23Yeah, I found him, little devil.
23:25That bloke did take him to school.
23:27Oh, did he?
23:27But he ran off.
23:28Did he?
23:29He was a teacher, in fact.
23:31I hope I didn't get him into trouble.
23:33Oh, don't you worry, Mrs. Davies.
23:35Sir, we're trained in the force not to jump to conclusions, aren't we, Riordan?
23:40Aye.
23:41Highly trained.
23:42That's all right, then.
23:44You shouldn't frighten Mummy who loves you like that, should you, Gerald?
23:47Now get off to school, you little swine!
23:51I hope you're feeling hungry, Riordan.
23:54It's humble pie time.
23:57Sir?
24:02It's him!
24:03Oh, here, Councillor Byrne.
24:05It's him.
24:06Come take it, I guess.
24:07That's all right, sir.
24:08Sergeant, anybody could make a mistake.
24:11Goodbye, Councillor Wilford.
24:12See you again sometime.
24:20Oh!
24:20Oh!
24:22Oh!
24:24Oh!
24:25Oh!
24:26Oh!
24:26Oh!
24:28Oh!
24:33Oh!
24:42Oh!
24:46Oh!
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